Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Holy shit,” says Albedo, tearing his eyes away from the screen in front as he rips his phone out of his pocket. 

Next to him, Sucrose raises a questioning brow. “W-what’s wrong?” she asks, eyes flicking around the room nervously as the teacher in front stands up and begins to walk towards them.

Closing his laptop (that wasn’t a crack he just heard, was it?) he unlocks his phone to see two missed calls from the police. “Holy shit,” he repeats, which definitely doesn’t ease Sucrose’s worries. “Klee just blew up a building.”

“What?!” 

Kaeya cackles when Albedo tells him, hunching over as he hugs his stomach, not even trying to stifle his laughs. 

“Wait a minute-” he says between gasps for air. “Your ten year old sister - the one with a strange obsession with bombs, exploded a fucking building?” 

“Yes,” Albedo says in response, his patience wearing thin. He’s about to dial back the police, but his thumb hovers tentatively over the call button. “She was on a school trip I think, and whatever she did must’ve set off a catalyst reaction. I’ll call the police and find out.” 

Kaeya raises the eyebrow not covered by his eyepatch, smirking. “Will you now? Because it’s been five minutes- I’m starving by the way - so can you just hurry this up and I can get to lunch.” 

“No one asked for you to be here,” Albedo grumbles. 

“Aww, don’t be so grumpy,” Kaeya teases, laughing again. “But seriously, get a move on, don’t you want to hear how your ten year old sister became a terrorist?” He thinks this is a joke, which, if it was anyone else’s sister, it probably would be. But this is Albedo’s sister, and therefore his problem to deal with. 

“Everyone’s going to find out,” he mutters. “It’s all over the news.” 

Kaeya pats his shoulder sympathetically, though he’s still smirking. “Yeah, and that’s a good thing. You’ll be famous for your terrorist sister.” 

Albedo is now one second away from screaming. “I hate you,” he says meekly. 

“That’s hot,” says Kaeya in response. 

His cheeks have definitely turned red, but Albedo pretends not to notice, even though Kaeya’s snickering. 

“Leave me alone,” he says in that same petulant voice. 

“I’ll miss you,” he winks. 

"Fuck off," he says, almost pleading. 

"Very hot," Kaeya says. 

Fuck, Albedo thinks, and covers his face with his hands. “I’ve got to call back the police,” he says. “Go find your friends.” A part of him wants to add ‘Oh wait, you don’t have anyone’ and he would, under any other circumstances. But he needs to focus and letting Kaeya… flirt? is that what it is? with him will not help matters. He presses the call button finally and Kaeya walks away, winking again because he’s like that as he leaves. 

“FUCK YOU!” he hears someone scream in the distance, and sees Kaeya barely avoid an apple which hits the tree behind him. 

Someone tackles another and there’s a lot of cheering and yelling, from both teachers and bystanders. Albedo turns away, not interested in getting caught up in it (or getting in trouble, because he’s certain all those involved definitely will).

Ah, he thinks as his phone rings. Just a normal day at Teyvat High. 

—

“As you are all probably aware, there are two new students who are going to arrive this week,” Jean says to the council. “Be sure to make them feel welcome and safe here.”

Ganyu raises a hand. “Wait, Jean, who's coming here?” she asks with a frown, tilting her head to the side. “I wasn’t aware we’re getting more students.” 

“Well you do now,” says Jean, closing her book of notices for the week. She stands from her seat. “Their names are Lumine and Aether - they are twins and will be joining the Anemo homeroom.”

“Thank the gods they’re not in the Pyro homeroom,” Amber mutters, across from Jean. “We have way too many in there.” 

“Who is leading them around?” Zhongli asks, eyebrows furrowed. “I presume they’ll be given a guide, of course.” 

“Yes, they will be given a guide,” Jean confirms, nodding. 

Ganyu looks up. “Who is the guide?”

“Oh, haven't you heard?” Amber asks, a mischievous grin tugging at her lips. She avoids Jean’s gaze, who only sighs“Kaeya, Childe and Venti have been appointed for the job by the principal herself.”

Ningguang chokes. “ What ,” she whispers. “Please tell me you’re kidding.” 

Jean sends Amber a Look™ who only snickers. “Those three will not be leading Lumine and Aether around,” she says. “I don’t think the principal is interested in giving second chances to those three, especially since they’ve turned up to school late most of the year, and get in detention more often than not.” 

“Thank the gods,” Ningguang murmurs. “We do not want their behavior rubbing off on the new kids.” 

“I assure you, Childe is not as bad as you all make out,” Zhongli tries to reason. 

“Oh here we go,” Amber mutters underneath her breath with a small giggle. “The simps are at it again.” Jean sends her another one of those Looks, and she slouches a little in her seat, crossing her arms in a defiant manner. 

“As for my cousin and his friend,” Zhongli continues, either ignoring Amber’s comment or completely oblivious to it. “It is safe to say you are correct.” 

“Oh that’s right, you and Venti are cousins,” Ganyu nods. “I forgot about that. You two really don’t seem like you’re related.” 

Zhongli cracks the tiniest smile, and inclines his head in agreement. 

“Well if that’s all out of the way,” Jean says. “You are all excused, and you can go to lunch now.” 

The student council basically sprint out, leaving Jean alone in the room, wearing a baffled expression. “Huh,” she says, blinking. 

“Wait,” Ganyu says. Jean flinches, she hadn’t even realized she was still there. “So who is leading around the new students?” 

“Amber will,” Jean says. 

“Ah,” Ganyu says. “Cool. I’ll see you, Jean.” 

Jean offers a smile and a wave, as Ganyu begins to leave. “Bye.”

—

“ Klee, ” Albedo snaps into the phone, though his tone is as soft as he can make it. “ Why in the world would blow up a building ? Is everyone okay?”

“Everyone’s fine ,” Klee replies, giggling. Albedo pinches his brow. “Aw, come on big bro, Albedo, I didn’t MEAN to,” she says, and he can almost hear her pout through the phone. “Buuut it was SUPER cool! There was a loud BOOM! And it looked really pretty!”

“What did the police say?” he asks. 

“Huh? Oh them! They were kinda strict, but they weren’t too mean. They even gave me a lollipop when I told them it was an accident!” 

Albedo sighs. “I know, but what did they say ? I suspect you won’t be let completely off the hook.” 

“Oh yeah, that ,” she groans. “They said I gotta go into solitary confinement.” 

Albedo chokes. “ What ?” he gasps. 

“Yeah,” says Klee. “So I’ll be at home all the time! I can help you with you and Rose’s experiments!” 

That is the last thing Albedo wants. 

“Are you at home now?” he asks. 

“Nah, I’m still at the police station,” she says. “They let me call you, silly, and I don’t have a phone at home!”

“Okay, um, I’ll pick you up,” he says. 

“The day’s almost finished right?” she asks. “Just pick me up when school’s finished.” 

“But you’ll be alone there-”

“No I won’t! The police are here to keep me company!” 

And they make great company, Albedo thinks. 

“Fine,” he mutters. “I’ll see you soon, okay? Stay out of trouble alright!” 

“I will!” she promises, though he’s not sure how reliable her word is. “You’re the best, Albedo, see you later bye!” 

She hangs up on him which 1, is rude, and 2, worries him even more. But he can’t do much about this situation (mainly because he doesn’t even have a car) so he returns to Sucrose beside one of the trees in the schoolyard. 

“Is everything okay?” she asks. 

“I guess,” he says. 

Sucrose’s eyes widen. “Oh no, is Klee in trouble? Is it- is it bad?”

“She’s… fine. I think. She just has to be in solitary confinement for a while,” he says. “I’m going to pick her up when the day’s over.” 

“I suppose it could’ve been worse,” Sucrose says. “At least she’s not been arrested? Can ten year olds even get arrested?” 

Albedo snorts. “I doubt it. But thank the gods for that.” 

—

“Don’t leave me,” Paimon wails from the passenger seat she’s stuck in. “Ugh.” She crosses her arms, pouting. “Why do you have to go to a different school anyway? It’s so stupid and it’s gonna be boring without you guys!” 

“Glad you’ll miss us,” Aether says. “I’ll miss you too, it’ll be a shame not having our emergency food around.” 

Paimon screeches at him. “How many times do I have to tell you? Paimon is not emergency food!”

“Of course not,” Lumine says with her classic deadpan. “See you, Paimon.”

She begins to climb out of the car when Paimon grabs her hand, scowling at her. “I don’t wanna go to 4th grade. Can I come with you guys?” 

“No,” says Lumine. “We’ll see you.”

“Wah~” Paimon begins to protest before Aether closes the car door waving. “Bye little sis,” he calls as the car begins to drive away. He turns to Lumine, smirking. “And hello other little sis-”

“Fuck off, I’m older than you,” Lumine snaps, shoving him. He shoves her back, cackling when she stumbles a little.

“Sure, you tell yourself that,” Aether says, turning away from her and towards the gate. “This is gonna be one shit year, isn’t it?” he asks with a resigned sigh. “Ugh. Why did we have to move? I actually liked home-schooling.” 

“That’s because you didn’t have to do any work,” Lumine points out with a scowl. “But you're right, it’s gonna suck-”

“Hello there, new students~” a bubbly voice calls. A brunette waves at them from inside the gate. Lumine drags herself forward, Aether following. “My name is Amber, I’m your guide. I’m certain you're going to love it here at Teyvat High.” 

“Really,” says Aether. 

The girl - Amber - doesn’t seem to pick up on his sarcasm, instead shooting him a blinding smile. “Yep! I’ll take you around campus and take you to your dorms here.” 

“Wait, we're living here?” Lumine asks, frowning. This is news to her. 

“I mean you don’t have to,” Amber says. “But most kids do cause it’s just more convenient.”

“Can we leave? ” Aether asks, eyes going wide. 

“After school hours you can, though the curfew to get back is 10pm.” 

“Ah,” Aether nods. He turns to Lumine. “Paimon’s gonna get so pissed, isn’t she?” 

Lumine shrugs. “She’ll be fine with mom and dad. We’ll make sure to call her though.” 

“Of course,” he says. 

Amber looks a little confused, but she still grins. “Alright!” she says. “First is your homeroom - Anemo. The people there are…” She trails off, and regret curls in Lumine’s stomach. “They’re all um, nice people. And you won’t be stuck with just them all of the year.” 

“Cool,” says Aether. “Is there a cafeteria? I’m starving.” 

Always straight to the point.

She looks a little caught off guard, Lumine notices, barely holding back a snort. “Yep, there is. I can take you there first, if you want.” 

“That would be great,” Aether says, just as his stomach growls. 

He laughs, while Lumine fights back the urge to screech, her cheeks turning hot. 

Amber begins to lead them away, yammering on about the school, and the history, and Lumine soon gets distracted. “Hey,” she mutters to Aether, relieved to find that Amber doesn’t hear her. “Is it just me, or is Amber like, really hot?” 

Aether chokes. Amber turns around, eyes wide, but he waves off her worries. “I’m gay,” he reminds her in a quiet whisper. “Why would I think she’s hot?” 

“Okay so it is just me,” Lumine says. She sighs dreamily. “Ah, girls .” 

“Hey don’t include me in your lesbian fantasies,” Aether mutters, smirking. 

“Oh fuck off,” she says with a laugh. “It’s not like you ever spare me from your own sexual fantasies.” 

“Shut up.” 

“ You shut up.” 

“No, you shut up-” he retorts. 

“Um, we’re at the cafeteria,” Amber says. 

“Oh, fuck, food, ” Aether exclaims before his stomach rumbles again and he’s suddenly running the fasted Lumine’s ever seen him run towards the counter where food upon food is displayed. Lumine watches after him, amused, completely unaware that Amber is looking at her.

“I admit,” Amber begins to say, “there are some interesting characters here, but then again that’s what makes Teyvat High really stand out from other schools.” She smiles again at Lumine. “I hope you’ll enjoy it here.” 

“Yeah,” Lumine agrees, now completely unsure if she’s being serious or not. She returns Amber's smile with a small one of her own. “I hope I will too.” 

Chapter Text

“Xiao.” 

Ignore him, says the voice at the back of Xiao’s mind. He listens. 

“Xiao.”

Keep ignoring him, the same voice says. Again, he listens. 

“Xiao!”

Not listening, not listening, not listening~

“XIAO!” 

Xiao’s eyes snap open. He twists over in bed, and sends Venti a death glare with a ferocious intensity that should scare anyone off, but Venti only giggles, oblivious to the annoyance Xiao is radiating with. 

“What the fuck do you want,” he grumbles, his voice slurred with sleep. 

“Ehe,” Venti giggles some more. Also ‘ehe’? What the fuck. 

“Nevermind,” Xiao mutters, turning over, his scowl not leaving his face. “I forgot I don’t give a shit. Leave me alone.”

“But I loooove you,” Venti says, his voice slurred, before he bursts into giggles again. Xiao feels his face turn hot, his heart begins to thump against his chest. He’s drunk, he realizes a second later. Of course he is. 

“You’re drunk,” Xiao says, stating the obvious. “Go back to bed.” 

“But I wanna go to bed with youuuu,” Venti drawls, pressing his head against Xiao’s stomach like a cat would do with it’s owner. What the fuck. 

Xiao shoves him away. “No you don’t,” he says. He’s not blushing, he’s not. The fluttering in his heart isn’t actually happening, no, of course not. He hides his face from Venti’s sigh nevertheless, because if he finds out- no. Not happening. Not at all. “Now fuck off.” Venti pouts, looking very much like a five year old. 

“Eh,” he says, shrugging, as he clambers into the bed opposite. “Your loss.”

Xiao is seconds away from screaming into his pillow. Instead, he glances over at Venti, who, thankfully, is too drunk to catch him in the act. “Shut up,” he mutters, and to his dismay the heat still hasn’t left his cheeks. “We have school tomorrow.” 

“Fuck school,” Venti groans. He drags a hand down his face, looking absolutely wrecked. “Imma get more drunk I hate it here.” 

“Don’t we all,” Xiao mutters, before twisting around again, closing his eyes. 

It’s barely five minutes before Venti starts speaking again. “Hey, that reminds me,” he says, rolling over in bed. “Where’s Albedo gone? And weren’t we supposed to have a new kid coming here?” 

“I don’t care,” Xiao says, face muffled from where it’s buried in his pillow. “Please shut up.” 

“You’re no fun,” Venti pouts. 

Xiao settles on ignoring him, closing his eyes as he ignores Venti’s grumbles and mutterings, but thankfully, to his credit, Venti keeps it quiet, whether intentional or not. 

—

Venti has added 27 people to the chat

Venti: GUYS

Venti: AND LOTS OF PEOPLE THAT I DONT KNOW

Venti: GUYS

Venti: GUYS

Venti: GUYS

Venti: GUYS

Venti: GUYS

Xiao: i swear to god

Xiao: shut the FUCK up

Venti: well if you wont help me babe i need someone else to

Xiao: what the fuck.

Kaeya: LMAO

Kaeya: VENTI

Kaeya: MY MAN

Kaeya: YOU AND XIAO??? FINALLY??

Xiao: no.

Xiao: stfu

Xiao is offline

Venti: he tries to deny it

Kaeya: ah

Kaeya: anyway what do u need

Jean: Boys.

Kaeya: oh no

Jean: It is 4 in the morning

Jean: get back to sleep

Venti: BUT THE ASSIGNMENT

Kaeya: oh shit there’s an assignment?

Kaeya is offline

Venti: damn

Keqing: who the fuck are u

Keqing: and half the people on this chat

Keqing: why do you have my number

Keqing: answer me BITCH

Venti: friend of a friend of a friend

Keqing: oh shit

Keqing: wait ur venti that dumbass in my chemistry class

Venti: i dont think ‘dumbass’ is accurate

Jean: completely accurate

Jean: venti.

Jean: Go to bed 

Beidou: hey gays

Beidou: oh shit wrong chat

Childe: actually that’s pretty accurate

Childe: no one at teyvat high is straight

Venti: LMAO so childe you DO actually simp for zhongli

Childe: NO

Childe: no one except for me is straight

Childe: token straight

Kaeya: thats a thing?

Childe: idk man but it seems like something that could be a thing

Childe: and if it is itd be me

Beidou: denial

Keqing: denial

Kaeya: denial

Lisa: denial

Amber: denial

Mona: denial

Ganyu: denial

Xiangling: denial

Jean: …

Jean: denial

Lisa: see even jean agrees

Lisa: ur not subtle honey

Childe: but im not!!!

Childe: im the straightest person youd ever meet

Childe: as straight as a stick

Lisa: If that stick is as curvy as my hips

Kaeya: LMAO i wheezed

Amber: LISA OMG

Childe: fuck you all

Mona: dont you want to fuck zhongli instead

Childe is offline

Venti: LMAO

Venti: buuut back to important matters

Venti: does anyone have the answers for that chem assignment

Amber: half of us arent even in ur chem class

Jean: Venti, do your own work

Jean: Everyone else, it is far too early to be up. Get to bed

Jean has muted everyone for 3 hours

—

“Dearie, I don’t get why you're so stressed about this-”

“Please, Lisa,” Jean says. “It’s just- there are two new students, I want our school to be at it’s best, and if half our grade is sleep-deprived because of Venti.” She sighs. “I just want us to be able to live up to Teyvat High’s expectations.”

“Mhm.” 

“And if my sister’s grade can do it - who are two years younger, mind you - why can’t ours?” 

Lisa closes her book. “Well, for one, most of the people in our year are either drunk, high, or horny most of the time.” She purses her lips. “This doesn’t exclude me.” 

Jean sends her an exasperated look before burying her head in her hands with a groan. “Amber’s bringing them in in a few minutes,” she tells Lisa. “Please tell me you’re not high right now.” 

Lisa is silent. 

“Lisa?” 

She remains silent. 

Jean is seconds away from tearing her hair out.

“Are you sure you want to be around for this?” 

Lisa pats her on the back. “Oh come on, honey, I’m not that high,” she says. “At least not as high as Childe and Kaeya are right now.” 

She barely stifles her screech. 

The door opens and Amber walks in, followed by two blondes who are bickering and shoving each other. “Ah,” Jean straightens herself up. “You must be Lumine and Aether, the new students. My name is Jean, president of the student council here.” She smiles at them. “Teyvat High is a wonderful school. I hope you enjoy your time here.” 

“Yeah, same,” the girl, Lumine says. “Uh, nice to meet you too.”

“Uh huh,” Aether agrees. “So when’ll classes start? We’ve been homeschooled most our lives so we don’t really know much about uh…” 

“Normal school,” Lumine provides, and Aether nods. 

“It starts at 9,” Lisa says. “So in an hour.” 

Lumine nods. “Thanks,” she says. “And you are…?” 

“Lisa,” she replies. “I’m the librarian’s assistant.” She winks at Lumine, whose face turns a light shade of pink. “Also single.”

“O-oh,” Lumine chokes out, while next to her Aether snickers. Next to her Amber presses her face in her hands. 

“ Lisa ,” Jean says pointedly. “Is leaving now.”

Lisa opens her mouth to protest but leaves, waving at the twins. Jean plasters a smile on her face. “I hope your time here is enjoyable,” she says. “It is a very respected school across the nation, so hopefully it will live up to your expectations.” 

“That won’t be a problem because I have none,” Aether says. 

Next to him, Lumine looks like she’s about to burst out into a fit of laughter. Amber’s smile is incredibly forced. “Well in any case,” says Jean. “It is a good school. And your homeroom - Anemo - is filled with lovely students.” 

Venti, our resident underage drunk. Xiao, the one who hates everyone and everything. Sucrose, who is one of the most introverted people she’s ever met. Herself-

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Lumine says. “Um. Is that all you wanted?”

“Yes,” Jean says. “I’ll see you later.” 

“Aight,” Aether says, and the twins leave. 

“Quite the pair, aren’t they?” Jean says, mainly to herself, before she remembers that Amber’s still her. 

She shrugs. “Eh, they’ll fit right in.” 

Outside the Student Council lounge, Jean hears a crash. She turns her head and sees Venti stick his head up out from a bush and yell, “I’m alright!” to someone she can’t see. Amber laughs. 

“I think your right,” Jean says with a sigh. 

—

“Now Klee,” Albedo says to his little sister who swings her legs up and down on his dorm bed. “I’ll be away for most of the day, so just. Please. Don’t set off anymore bombs. You still have classes, even if they’re online.” 

“Don’t worry about me!” she exclaims, beaming. “I won’t leave this room unless I’m allowed to. No one will know you snuck me in.” 

“That sounds like I’ve kidnapped you,” Albedo mutters. “But you’re supposed to be in solitary confinement and-”

“I know!” she exclaims. “Like I said, don’t you worry about a single thing.” 

That does not ease my worries at all, Albedo doesn’t say, but he’s close to. 

The door opens, and Albedo almost yelps. From the doorway, Xiao scowls at the sight, before the frustration bleeds into confusion. “Albedo,” he says in a tone devoid of all emotion. “Why the fuck is there a kid in our dorm.”

“Xiao,” he hisses. “She can’t- that word-”

“It’s okay, Albedo!” Klee exclaims. “I know about the fuck word!” 

“Don’t say that!” Albedo says. “Klee, that’s a bad word.” 

“Huh?” Klee blinks up at him in confusion. “But you say it-”

“I’m an adult.” 

“No you’re not~”

Behind him, Venti peeks his head over Xiao’s shoulder. “Wait there’s a- oh! Holy shit Albedo, is that the kid that blew up that building?” 

“That’s me !” Klee calls in a sing-song voice. “Albedo’s my big brother!” 

“Huh,” says Venti. “So uh. Is she just staying here with us?” 

Albedo grits his teeth. “For now. Yes. Until I find someone willing to take care of a ten-year old terrorist.” 

“How much would you pay?” Venti asks. 

Albedo responds with a glower. “You live here,” he points out. 

Xiao huffs as he shoves his way through and grabs his bag off his bed, shoving a pile of books in it before he moves to leave again. 

“I need the money,” Venti whines. “And I’m very good at looking after toddlers-”

“I’m ten!” Klee protests. 

“-ten year olds,” he amends. 

Xiao scoffs from where he’s standing outside the doorway. “Says the one who acts like a ten year old himself.” 

“Now that’s not fair, is it-”

“You can’t leave her here,” Xiao says. “Lest not the whole day. Why can’t she just go to school like normal?”

“I’ve been put under solitary confinement!” Klee states proudly, like it’s something she should be proud of. Venti chokes while Xiao stares, wide-eyed. “But then you guys are here so it’s not really solitary confinement but still!” 

“Shouldn’t the police be monitoring you?” Xiao asks. “Why did they let you go here?” 

Fuck, Albedo thinks. “Fuck,” he says. 

“Fuck,” Klee repeats, before falling into a fit of giggles. 

“Klee…” Albedo mutters. “Okay, I’ll um. I don’t know. I’ll take her to Diona’s place. They’re friends after all, and her mom’s nice too. I think. She’ll, uh, probably be fine with looking after Klee.”

“What about your own parents?” Xiao asks. “If you have them, I mean.” 

“They are in Dragonspine currently. When they get back I’ll tell them what happened and she can stay there.” 

“Isn’t Dragonspine like, I dunno, deserted?” Venti snorts. “Eh, nevermind. It’s a good idea. See ya.” He waves before sprinting inside, grabbing his bag as he follows Xiao out. 

Klee pouts. “I have to go?” she questions. 

“This was never going to work out, you have to admit,” he says with a sigh. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to call you often, okay?” 

“And Sucrose too!”

“Of course.” 

Now the hardest part - sneaking her back out, and somehow making it back before classes begin. 

—

There are two reasons Diluc hates Literacy class. 

Number one being because it’s in the name - literacy class. He’s shit at that and he doesn’t want to try and improve. 

Number two being because there are set spots in said class, and just his luck, he gets to sit next to his asshole of a brother, Kaeya. 

Kaeya who won’t shut up. 

Kaeya who flirts with people non-stop. 

Kaeya who talks Diluc’s ear off even though he knows Diluc doesn’t care. 

Kaeya who is a pain in the ass. 

“-and then-”

“ What -” Diluc slams his fist on the table, sending a resounding thud through the classroom that causes heads to turn. He ignores the watchful eyes and grits his teeth, hissing in a low voice, “gives you the impression that I care?” 

Kaeya’s about to reply, his mouth open and no doubt a quip on his lips when the professor walks up to them, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. 

“Gentlemen. Is there a problem?” 

“Yes,” they both say at the same time, then glare at each other. 

Diluc pretends to not hear Childe’s snickers from the front of the classroom. Kaeya, however, sticks his middle finger up at his friend, as if he forgot the professor is in front of him. 

“Kaeya,” he says, tone warning. “Do you want to stay in for lunch? You’re disturbing the class-”

There’s a loud boom! from outside, and a crash following. Diluc sees a mop of white hair bob out from the bushes. “Ah- ow ow OUCH!” Bennett yells, then lifting his head to the classroom above, shouts, “I’m fine!” before scrambling out of the bushes and tripping over his shoelaces whilst he runs back into school. 

Kaeya laughs, apparently oblivious to the professor in front. 

“Kaeya, detention at lunch.” He turns back to Childe. “You too, Childe. I expect better of you two.” 

Oh this is too good. Diluc is unable to contain his snicker. 

“And you as well, Diluc, as you seem to be unable to display the maturity someone of your age should.”

Diluc dies a little inside, gaping at the professor as he returns back to the front of the classroom. And now Kaeya is cackling, and he thinks Childe is too, and honestly, his life could not get any worse than it already is. 

—

Venti: I HATE YOU FUCKERS SO MUCH

Ningguang: what

Amber: what’s wrong venti

Venti: DONT YOU ACT LIKE YOU DONT KNOW

Ganyu: what are you talking ab venti?

Venti: I FAILED MY ASSIGNMENT

Venti: AND NOW I HAVE TO STAY IN 

Venti: AND FIX IT UP

Childe: lol

Zhongli: Hello

Childe: OHMYGODZHONGLI

Childe: hhh

Childe: hi

Kaeya: i always do wonder how zhongli and venti are related

Chongyun: their related??

Kaeya: yea

Zhongli: we are

Hu Tao: OMG ZHONGLI

Hu Tao: UR HERE 

Zhongli: i am

Hu Tao: WHEN DID U GET A PHONE

Hu Tao: sry i mean HOW did you get a phone

Hu Tao: ur broke 

Mona: mood

Venti: u too?

Mona: yea

Zhongli: Childe bought me one

Hu Tao: OOOOOOH CHILDE??!

Childe: ahdeibsakbds

Childe: yeah

Mona: anyone have any mora for the poor? I was dying on the streets before i came here just 1 mora i beg of you

Xiao: stfu

Xiao is offline

Venti: thats my bf

Lisa: gay

Venti: *best friend cuz hes in denial

Venti: also zhongli itz gr8t to have u here

Keqing: wtf

Keqing: venti u good?

Venti: LMAO THAT WASNT ME

Venti: this is me now my new roommate stole my phone

Amber: the new kids??

Venti: yup

Kaeya: there are new kisd?

Childe: OOH NEW KIDS YOU SAY

Xiao: stfu

Venti: ehe

Childe: rude

Amber has added 2 people to the chat

Lumine: wtf is this

Lumine: @Amber why did u add me to this

Amber: its a group chat for our year

Lumine: whyd u add my brother

Kaeya: BOYS

Kaeya: sEXY BoYS

Venti: SEX

Childe: LMAO GAY

Beidou: u too childe

Childe: noooo i told u im straight

Beidou: no one believes u lol esp after u stared at zhonglis ass all through pe today

Kaeya: HAHAHAHAHH WHAT

Zhongli: What?

Childe: NO

Childe: THAT DIDNT HAPPEN

Childe: SHES LYING

Beidou: i was legit behind u

Beidou: and you were behind him~

Lisa: omg

Mona: new kids

Aether: ye

Lumine: 

Mona: are u guys rich? Cause im in need of some mora

Lumine: lol nope

Aether: little sis robbed us

Albedo: younger sisters

Albedo: ugh

Kaeya: lol albedo didnt ur sister blow up a building?

Mona: wtf

Amber: WHAT HAPPENED

Amber: KLEE???

Hu Tao: AN EXPLOSION!?!???!

Hu Tao: WHO DIED

Sucrose: nno one

Hu Tao: oh (╥_╥)

Xingqiu: thats not

Xingqiu: concerning at all

Hu Tao: nope!!! (* ^ ω ^)

Albedo: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE

Kaeya: THEY WERE GONNA FIND OUT EITHER WAY SRY

Albedo is offline

Kaeya: shit

Kaeya is offline

Childe: lol

Hu Tao: ngl thats kinda gay

Lisa: yea

Lisa: just guys being gays

Albedo: what?

Lisa: oops!!!

Lisa: i definitely meant **just boys being bros

Albedo: ok...

Albedo is offline

Jean: @Lisa if you're not busy, I'll need your assistance in the upcoming council meeting

Lisa: ok ill be there~

Lisa is offline

Venti: gals being pals

Venti: @Xiao <333333

Beidou: lol get ready to get rejected

Xiao: fuck off

Xiao is offline

Lumine: ah

Lumine: lovely

Aether: are yall high or sm

Lumine: oh my gods.

Aether: no offense but like i just kinda get vibes or something

Venti: we are :)

Aether: wait fuck really

Aether: i wanna get high too where do i go

—

Lumine glares at him across the table as he begins to get out of his seat. 

“Hey,” he says. “Just once? Please? Mom and dad aren’t here, we can do what ever we want-”

“Yeah, and that’s the problem,” Lumine snaps, then huffs. “Fine. But if you get in trouble don’t try and get me to get you out of it.” 

“No promises,” he calls as he runs away to where a group of similar aged boys are sitting across the cafeteria. 

Lumine buries her head in her hands. “Oh my gods,” she mutters. “Why did he decide to do it in the middle of the school day?” 

“Hmm? Honey? Lumine, was it?” 

She lifts her head to see a pair of green eyes watching her. Ah… what was her name? L- Lily? No, that doesn’t sound right. Noelle? No, not that either. Uhhhh… “Yep,” Lumine answers. “...Lisa, right?” 

“I’m glad you remembered,” she says, winking, and Lumine is not blushing (of course not!), not at all. Women are hot, okay? Women are hot and there are lots of hot women in this school, as dysfunctional as it may seem to be. “Now what is such a beautiful young woman doing here all by herself?” She offers a hand and Lumine takes it without a second though. “How about I take you to meet some of the other girls in our year?” 

“U-um yes. That’d be great, thanks.” Why the fuck is she squeaking? 

“Now I can’t promise they’ll all be in a perfect state to meet you,” Lisa says with a breezy laugh, “but I’m sure you’ll fit right in.” 

She’s not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. (She hopes for the best anyway, but still isn’t sure herself what she means by that, either.)

Chapter Text

Xingqiu: @Childe here is the fic you commissioned me to write

Xingqiu: smutfic#69.pdf

Xingqiu: happy 69th fanfic ive written this year!!

Xingqiu: wait

Xingqiu: FUCK

Childe: WHYDIDYOUATTACHEVDSAJSKA

Beidou: rip childe

Amber: date of death - 08.01.2022

Amber: wait

Amber: Xingqiu what is that

Xingqiu: PRETEND YOU NEVER SAW THAT

Mona: too late

Mona: i need to bleach my eyes

Mona is offline

Beidou: WTF XINGQIU

Amber: w-what is this

Xingqui: I SAID DONT READ IT

Venti: LMAO CHILDE COMMISSIONED THIS

Venti: 👀

Kaeya: 👀

Fischl: Might I demand, why, you call upon thee, Prinzessin der Verurteilung, for such obnoxious and horrifyingly inappropriate tomfoolery in the form of a book?

Beidou: what

Fischl is offline

Kaeya: shes just making up words now

Diluc: no your just stupid

Kaeya: 

Venti: LMAO ROASTED

Kaeya is offline

Diluc: but seriously what does that mean

Venti: who knows man

Amber: @Childe

Amber: WHY THE FUCK HAVE YOU COMMISIONED THIS

Childe: 

Childe: uh

Lisa: *cough* ggay *cough*

Childe: no not gay

Childe: im straight

Lisa: whyd u commision a self-insert fanfic with

Childe: SHUTUP

Childe: XINGQIU WHY DID YOU POST IT HERE

Xingqiu: it was an accident

Xingqiu: sorry

Childe: 

Childe:

Childe:

Venti: i think u broke him

Kaeya: yea

Zhongli: who broke childe?

Venti: xingqiu

Xingqiu: i

Zhongli: why?

Kaeya: scroll up lol

Childe: NO DONT SCROLL UP

Zhongli: okay?

Childe: I CAN BUY YOU BREAKFAST

Childe: cause ur broke

Childe: AND I HAVE MONEY

Zhongli: oh thank you. that’s very kind of you childe (ᵔ◡ᵔ)

Zhongli and Childe are offline

Kaeya: what

Kaeya: is that

Venti: @Zhongli who taught you that

Venti: ZHONGLI?????

Hu Tao: I DID 

Amber: lol

Beidou: is no one gonna wonder why xingqiu writes smut fanfics about ppl?

Xingqiu: uh

Kaeya: oh tru

Kaeya: why DO u write fanfics??

Kaeya: and why did u tell childe ab it one BUT NOT US

Xingqiu: he found out

Xingqiu: by accident

Xingqiu: and he commissioned me to write one

Xingqiu: i was not supposed to send it here though…

Kaeya: lol

Venti: XINGQIU

Venti: MY DEAR CLOSE FRIEND

Venti: MAY I COMMISSION YOU TO WRITE ME A FIC ABOUT ME AND Xayudk khvhlasglcwfeuqlityl<SBAGLN

Lisa: venti wtf

Lisa: u good?

Aether: i think ventis dead

Amber: WHAT!!!

Aether: idk i just heard a scream from the room next door

Aether: and like i think a window broke but idk

Albedo: ventis not dead

Kaeya: oh good

Jean: oh no

Kaeya: what

Jean: what

Amber: 👀

Beidou: even jean cant tolerate everyone

Beidou: esp not venti

Jean: Albedo what happened to Venti?

Albedo: i just woke up but i think xiao threw him out of a window??

Albedo: his phone is still here tho

Bennett: IM ALIVE

Chongyun: u almost died again?

Bennett: srry this is venti

Bennett: i borrowed bennett’s phone cause xiao <3 threw me out of the window and into the bush outside his dorm

Jean: Oh

Jean: Well it's good to see you’re alive, Venti

Albedo: is it

Amber: Albedo??!

Kaeya: lmao savage

Albedo: sorry that was xiao

Albedo: he took my phone cause his isnt charged

Aether: cant he just use ventis?

Aether: since u said its still in the room

Venti: fuck you

Venti is offline

Aether: im guessing that was xiao too

Albedo: Yeah

—

Childe looks over at Zhongli when the other isn’t looking, a small smile tugging at his lips, a blush dusting his cheeks. 

The other teen is flipping through a book, even though knowing him he already knows the subject off by heart. His eyebrows are slightly pinched, like he’s deep in thought, though he still engages in idle conversation with Childe, smiling back when he catches Childe’s grin, laughing when he makes a joke, no matter who dumb. 

It’s moments like this he longs for, because he knows he himself is too much of a coward to confess his true feelings towards Zhongli. It’s why he tries to spend as much time with Zhongli as he can, even as friends and just that, because it gives him a chance to just love him quietly, when no one’s aware. 

His phone is blaring with texts from the groupchat, but he’s not going to waste any time he gets with Zhongli by seeing what they’re all talking about. That’s what class is for. 

His heart hammers against his chest and he feels words rise out of his throat without his permission. “Hey, Zhongli, I-”

“ Hellooo there!” a familiar voice interrupts him, and at this moment he’d rather die in a hole that have to look at the (adorable) confused expression on Zhongli’s face. He fixes it up with a faint smile, looking up at Hu Tao. “Hey, Zhongli, I get you and Childe are having fun together-” she wiggles her eyebrows. He’s going to screech. “-buuuut I need your help. For class. Like, now .”

“Of course,” Zhongli says, standing, then looks at Childe. “I’ll see you later?” 

“Y-yep,” he croaks. 

When Zhongli walks away to follow Hu Tao, the girl turns around and sends him a completely wicked look before giggling at something Zhongli says. 

Childe buries his head in his hands to try and hide his flushing cheeks.

“Oh gods,” says a voice that sounds unfortunately like Venti’s, so smacks his head on the table which fucking hurts. 

He doesn’t show it though, lifting his head to meet Venti’s gaze. Except, that is no longer possible, because Venti is hunched over on himself, laughing. “Oh gods, you’re so lovesick this is too funny!”

Even though Childe knows Venti himself can’t talk, his head still returns to it’s former spot on the table. 

—

Childe: fukc

Childe: evrythng fukkin hurts

Xingqiu: what happened?

Beidou: he challenged lumine to a spar and she fucking pummelled him

Lumine: dumbass deserved it

Xiangling: is childe ok??

Childe: no

Lumine: yes

Lumine: theres nothing to worry about :)

Xiangling: oh ok

Xiangling is offline

Childe: THERE IS SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT

Childe: IM DYING

Mona: u deserve it

Childe: wha

Mona: <3

Childe: why do u all hate me

Mona: ur a very easy person to hate

Lisa: lol get wrecked

Zhongli: i don’t hate you, childe :)

Childe: sialfyjvm,kal

Beidou: gay

Childe: i mean uh thanks

Childe: <3

Beidou: even gayer

Zhongli: :)

Zhongli is offline

Childe: hu

Childe is offline

Hu Tao: WAIT WTF

Hu Tao: DID HE JUST GET FRIENDZONED

Hu Tao: BY ZHONG-ZHONG!!!??!!?

Lisa: i didnt know zhongli had it in him

Xingqiu: zhongli acts like super old he may not have known what childe meant

Xingqiu: maybe he thinks its platonic love???

Lumine: platonic love lol

Lisa: jean i platonically love u 

Jean: what?

Lisa: will u be my platonic gf

Jean: ihkjj,vasaosk,jwssao

Diluc: why did jean just scream right next to me

Diluc: oh

Lisa: jk jk lol

Jean: uh

Mona: i give you a raise

Mona: platonic hate

Mona: i platonic hate all of you

Lumine: i platonically hate my brother

Lumine: also rude

Mona: nah u fine

Lumine: <3

Lumine: (platonic loves u)

Mona: <3 (platonic loves u back)

Xiangling: and this is the beginning of a new (platonic) love!!

Xiangling: i platonic love all of u as well

Xiangling: except xinyan i love love her <3

Xinyan: i love love you too babe <3

Lisa: this is the first functioning relationship i have come across in all of my years of living

Lisa: platonic love all u girls too!

Lisa: except my SEXY SEXY HOT AF JEAN ALGalgd<<EI

Lisa: srry that was kaeya bitch took my phone

Jean: …ok

Xingqiu: this is so wholesome omg

Beidou: i platonic love u girls as well

Beidou: except my sexy ningguang ill always love love her

Ningguang: wha

Ningguang: aisgkafmcghj

Ningguang is offline

Lisa: gay panics today x3

Lisa: and i caused one of them :o

Amber: You cause most of the gay panics around here tbh

Lisa: what

Kaeya: she means ur hot

Amber: yeah

Lisa: rlly

Lisa: im honoured

Lisa: but then how am i single

Kaeya: cuz ur a crackhead

Lisa: i am

Xingqiu: wait what

Xingqiu: Our librarian’s assistant is a crackhead

Xingqiu: since when

Amber: Oh come on, she’s not subtle

Lisa: i’m not :)

Hu Tao: SHES NOT

Xingqiu: do you say everything in caps?

Hu Tao: I DO (>ω^)

Xingqiu changed Hu Tao’s name to HU TAO

HU TAO: MUCH BETTER

Lumine: (◕‿◕)♡

Lisa: lumine…

Lisa: its not too late to turn away from the emojis

HU TAO: IT IS

Lisa: oh no

—

Kaeya -> Lisa

Kaeya: do u really think jean bought that

Lisa: i do

Kaeya: im not even near u lol

Kaeya: she’s not that oblivious

Kaeya: and whyd u blame it on me

Lisa: SHE CANT KNOW

Kaeya: i bet u she loves u back

Kaeya: not platonically

Kaeya: like as in LOVE loves

Lisa: shut up

Lisa: she cant know

Kaeya: ill tell her myself then

Lisa: NO

Lisa: DONT DO THAT FUCKER

Kaeya: no promises

Lisa: fuck u

Kaeya: <3

—

Kaeya -> Diluc

Kaeya: jean and lisa need to get their shit together

Kaeya: and get together

Kaeya: or kiss or sm idk

Diluc: why are you talking to me.

Kaeya: I NEED YOUR HELP

Kaeya: im dying here lisa wont shut up ab her

Diluc: neither will jean tbh

Kaeya: SEE WHAT I MEAN?

Diluc: fine

Diluc: how can i help

Kaeya: wait a sec lemme get venti he’ll know

Kaeya is offline

Diluc: ok- WAIT WHAT

Diluc: DONT YOU FUCKING DARE VENTI WONT HELP

Diluc: HE’LL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE

Diluc: @Kaeya 

Diluc: KAEYA

—

“PSST!”

What? 

“PSST!” the voice repeats, this time louder, more urgent. “Aether, wake up!” 

Someone shakes him and Aether begrudgingly wrenches his eyes open. He blinks up at someone that looks like Venti and asks in the dullest voice, that’s slurred only the tiniest bit from sleep, “What.”

Venti raises a bottle of what looks like wine, apparently oblivious to Xiao behind him glaring daggers at his back. “I got booze!” he exclaims cheerily. 

“What?” Now Aether is enthused. Confusion soon takes over a second later and he asks, “How?” 

“I have my means,” Venti says cheekily, laughing. 

“Shut up ,” Albedo groans from across the room, tugging a pillow over his head.

“ Anyway ,” Venti says. “We’ve planned to meet up in, uh, Kaeya’s dorm and we’ll just get drunk off our asses there.” he turns back to Xiao. “You coming, babe- I, uh, mean bestie?” Aether’s eyebrows furrow in confusion as Xiao only replies with a curt, “Fuck off.” 

“I take it you’re not coming either Albedo?” Venti guesses as Aether clambers out of bed. 

“ Shut up ,” Albedo hisses, and Venti, with all the stealth of an assassin, grabs Aether’s wrist and the two slip out into the hallway, no matter how tired they look still in their nightclothes. 

Venti drags him across the hallway, before knocking on a door and shoving it open without even waiting for a response. “Hellooo there friends~” he calls, then his eyes widen. “What the fuck,” he whispers. “How did you get Zhongli out of here?”

Childe pouts, like a toddler, and Aether snorts. 

“We didn’t. Hu Tao dragged him out and said something about their jobs,” Kaeya says, leaning back against the wall as he takes a sip of wine. “How and why did Zhongli decide to work under her, of all people?”

“Dunno man, but I miss him already,” Childe mumbles into his pillow. 

Venti snorts, closing the door behind him and Aether. 

“You always miss him,” he teases in a baby-voice. “Aww, where’s your darling Zhong-Zhong when you need him-”

“SHUTUP!” Childe screeches in an unholy volume, his cheeks turning deep red in the lamplight. 

Kaeya snorts, taking another sip of wine. “New kid,” he says, then frowns. “Uh… Aether. How are you enjoying the school?”

Childe chuckles, having apparently gotten over his former embarrassment. “You sound like someone from the Student Council,” he teases. “‘How is your time here at Teyvat High?’” he mocks. “‘We only have the best of the best here-’”

“Fuck you, I’m in the council,” Kaeya snaps back. 

Venti, while pouring his wine in a cup, chokes. “Excuse me, what ?” he asks. “ You - Kaeya whateveryourlastnameis - are in the Student Council? How ?”

Kaeya shrugs. “I dunno. I got in at 7th grade, but never got kicked out, even though I don’t attend the meetings at all.” He winks, though because of his eyepatch, it could just be a blink, Aether doesn’t know. “I still have the authority though.” 

“The school’s a mess,” Aether says, answering Kaeya’s question, who snorts. 

“Yeah,” says Kaeya. “It doesn’t get any better.” 

Aether gulps. “Oh. Great.” 

“Isn’t it?”

Aether takes his first sip of wine (which is actually really good, where can he get it from?) when the door opens and Diluc stands outside, scowling at the four of them. “What the fuck,” he says then his eyes fall on the wine bottle in Venti’s hand and he snatches it away. Venti whines and makes grabby hands for it back. “How did you get this Venti? Did you steal again?” 

“Nooooo,” Venti says, giggling. There’s a slight slur to his voice, already. “C’mon, ‘Luc-” The scowl on Diluc’s face goes impossibly stormier. Aether snorts into his drink. “-just this once ! Pleaseeee? ” 

A flurry of emotions cross Diluc’s face. 

Kaeya calls out, “C’mon Diluc, we’ll - I mean Childe - will pay you back!” 

“Nope,” Diluc snaps. “You’re already on thin fucking ice Venti,” he warns. “Pay me back and then we’ll talk.” His eyes fall on him and Aether. “Please leave,” he says, tiredly, and Aether feels the tiniest bit sorry for him so he stands up, ready to leave, but is also feeling a little bitter so he shoves the glass of not-yet-empty alcohol in Diluc’s hand. 

“Spoilsport,” Childe mutters and Diluc sends him a deathly glare. Aether, again, snorts, and Diluc directs it to him. 

“Come on , Diluc, you know I can’t afford to pay you back,” Venti (tries) to reason but Diluc obviously isn’t having it as he snaps, “Get a job,” to which Venti groans. 

“Wait, why were you even out at this time?” Kaeya questions as Aether and Venti basically both get shoved out of the room.

The smaller of the two laughs, “Well that was a total failure, dontyathink?” he asks, words slurring again. Just how much did he drink in the small amount of time they were there. Unless Venti had gotten drunk before Aether went around to do the same. 

“W-what are you two doing out here this late?” a timid voice asks, and as Venti yelps, Aether takes in the form of Noelle standing before them. 

“N-Noelle,” Venti greets, a slight wobble to his voice. “I could say the same. It’s no time for anyone to be wandering around the halls.” 

“Oh, I was just collecting some stuff I’ve left at the library,” she says. “But what are you guys doing?” She squints behind them. “Outside of someone’s dorm? U-unless it’s yours, of course,” she adds. 

“We were-” Aether begins to say before Venti, the fucker, blurts out, “Getting drunk,” then slaps a hand over his mouth, beginning to giggle some more. Aether buries his face in his hands. 

Noelle’s eyebrows pinch, her eyes growing concerned. “O-okay?” she says. 

Venti’s eyes widen. “Noelle, please, please don’t tell. I don’t wanna be in detention any more than I have to, ehe.” He clasps his hands together and dips his head as if he’s praying, which no one in the entire world could possibly buy. 

“... I won’t,” she says, nodding, then smiles a tiny smile. “Just try not to get too drunk, okay?” 

“Noelle, I love you,” says Venti, hugging the unsuspecting girl. “You’re the best person in the entire world, thank you so much.” 

“...Okay?” she says, then her eyes fall on Aether. “U-um, thank you, I guess?”

“Thanks,” he says too, in the most detached tone which makes her seem even more confused. “You’re the best.”

“O-oh…” she says. “Thanks too, I suppose.”

—

Aether -> Lumine:

Aether: i wanna bf so bad

Lumine: what u talking ab im ur best friend

Aether:

Chapter Text

“So,” is how Beidou decides to start off their conversation early in the morning, sitting in front of Ningguang in the cafeteria. “I need to ask you a favour.” When all Ningguang only raises a brow, Beidou continues, “Don’t - and I mean don’t - go into the storage room. At all.”

Ningguang stands, leaving her cold breakfast behind. “I’m going to the storage room,” she says, too tired of Beidou’s antics to even question the teen. 

She spares a glance at Beidou, taking in the utterly dejected look she wears. “What? Why?” 

She narrows her eyes. “Is there something in the storage room that should not be there?” she asks carefully. 

“Well, um…” Beidou’s eyes fall to her feet, lingering. “Well, it depends on what normally stays in the storage room. What if I tell you that he- I mean, um, what if I tell you that the thing has had a history of staying the storage rooms?” 

“Then I’d be rightfully concerned,” Ningguang says. “And what do you mean by ‘he’ ?”

“O-okay, I can trust you. Right?” 

“Of course.” 

Beidou looks relieved. “Okay, good. Um. So. I have a friend. Well, more of a son. Well, not really either, more like a pseudo brother…? I dunno. But anyway, recently he kinda, uh, ended up on the streets, and I took him in. And now he’s. Uh. Here.” 

A pause. 

Another. 

Ningguang takes the time to process the information she’s been given, as well as the guilty look on Beidou’s face that she’s trying to conceal but failing ever so terribly at, the unusual tension-filled silence that falls between them. So, she comes to an understandable, rational conclusion, meeting Beidou’s eyes. 

“Beidou,” Ningguang begins, voice steady. “Did you kidnap someone?” 

—

Ningguang -> Zhongli

Ningguang: hey

Zhongli: good morning Ningguang

Ningguang: I’ve got a question

Zhongli: shoot

Ningguang: … sorry what?

Zhongli: I apologize, Childe taught me that

Zhongli: what was your question?

Ningguang: so what do you do if your crush has uh

Ningguang has deleted a chat

Ningguang: you saw nothing

Ningguang: but what would you do if your friend tells you they have brought someone into the school who doesnt go to the school?

Zhongli: you mean Beidou’s kidnapped someone?

Ningguang: …

Ningguang: why do you assume it’s Beidou?

Zhongli: you said crush…

Ningguang: 

Ningguang: i said my friend

Ningguang: she’s my friend

Zhongli: :0

Ningguang: should I check the storage room?

Zhongli: is that where she said the person is?

Ningguang: yes

Zhongli: you probably should then, just to make sure she actually hasnt kidnapped someone

Ningguang: alright

Ningguang: thanks

Zhongli: i’m happy to help

Zhongli: (⌒‿⌒)

—

It turns out Beidou did not kidnap someone, and the boy in the storage room was the one who actually convinced her to take him. 

His name is Kazuha, Ningguang soon finds out, and he’s actually very hungry because Beidou promised to bring food for him, but (unsurprisingly) forgot about that and left him alone and starving in the storage room. He’s also very dehydrated, but according to him that’s secondary because he’s had enough water for a lifetime. 

(Ningguang is unsure of what to think of that, so she just nods along and pretends she understands what he means.)

“So,” Ningguang says to him as she carefully sneaks him out of the room, careful to avoid staff detection. “Why did you decide to come here?” 

“I ran away,” he says with a shrug. “Being a fugitive-slash-pirate is tiring at times.” 

Ningguang almost stops walking. What?

“Could… could you repeat that?” she asks, trying to keep the smile on her lips from wavering. 

“I was a fugitive-slash-pirate,” repeats Kazuha. The smile on Ningguang lips slides off completely. “I kinda roamed the streets for a bit and Beidou found me.”

“And now you’re here?” 

He nods. 

“Where is Beidou, by the way?” Kazuha asks. “She was meant to give me food and water a day ago.”

Oh Gods, Beidou, what have you gotten us into? Ningguang thinks, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Alright. I’ll take you to the cafeteria, to get you something to eat and drink, and we’ll meet up with Beidou. How does that sound?”

“Oh. Good. Thanks.”

If anyone notices Ningguang leading some random teenager through the hallway, they don’t mention it. She’s grateful for that, because her headache is already too prominent, and she doesn’t want it to get any worse. 

The rest of the walk to the cafeteria is filled with silence, and Ningguang must admit she doesn’t mind. 

Of course, that silence is interrupted when they reach the cafeteria, which is the definition of chaos. Ningguang can’t even say she’s surprised now. She just blinks as she takes in the scene in front of her and says, “What the fuck.” 

“Does this usually happen?” Kazuha asks next to her, tilting his head slightly to the side. 

A chair gets vaulted across the room, and Ningguang watches with horror as poor Bennett nearly gets hit from it, if not for Razor shoving them both out of the way in time. Thank the Gods, she thinks, and winces as another chair hits the wall. “Not usually,” she answers him. He opens his mouth, probably to say something, but closes it with a shake of his head. Perhaps, as it is her role as member of the Student Council, she should break up whatever fight is taking place, but that is all too tiring, and Kazuha must  be starving by now, so she easily maneuvers her way through the cheering crowd (Them screaming “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” is not helping the situation in any ways whatsoever) and to the counter where the food is being displayed. 

“Take anything you want,” Ningguang says. “The lunch ladies don’t seem to be here.” 

“Ok,” says Kazuha, and vaults himself over the counter and begins to ravage the glass containers for food. 

Ningguang glances back to the fight, and sees Kaeya and Diluc run towards each other, jumping over the tables to get to the other. What the fuck, this time she asks herself silently, then returns her attention back to Kazuha. “Beidou should be around here,” she says. “If not, check the field. I have to… see what happened.” 

He gives her a thumbs-up before she hurries away. Soon, she sees Keqing and Ganyu standing slightly off to the side. “What happened here?” Ningguang demands. 

Keqing frowns at the two teenagers, who are now beating each other up in the middle of a circle of cheering kids. Next to her, Ganyu sighs. “We don’t know,” she says. “They haven’t had a fight like this since last year - or at least a fight that I’m aware of. I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do, though.” 

“Jean’s going to be so pissed,” she mutters. 

“We should flee the scene,” Ganyu offers. “That way we wouldn’t get in trouble for just watching.”

“Yeah,” Keqing says, then looks up at Ningguang. “You coming?” 

“Of course,” Ningguang says. “I just have to find- this kid-”

Keqing’s frown deepens. “What?” 

“Nevermind,” she says, shaking her head, not in the mood to dig herself in a deeper hole. “I’ll meet you guys at the field?”

Ganyu nods. “Yep. See you.” 

Ningguang turns her attention back to the cafeteria as the two girls leave. She squints at the counter, but can’t see Kazuha at all. “Oh gods,” she whispers, as she begins to weave in and out between the other students at the school to get to where she saw Kazuha last . “Whatever have I done to deserve this?”

—

HU TAO: GUESS WHAT BITCHES

HU TAO: LOOK WHO GOT LIVE FOOTAGE OF THE CAFETERIA FIGHT

HU TAO: THIS BITCH

Xingqiu: what fight

Childe: how tf did u not see it

Xingqiu: I EAT LUNCH IN THE LIBRARY

HU TAO: with ur bf

Xingqiu: yes with my best friend

Chongyun: what

Xingqiu: HEY BESTIE

Childe: wtf happened to xingqiu

Chongyun: um hey

Chongyun is offline

Childe: TFW YOU SCARE YOUR CRUSH OFF

Childe: CUZ UR IN DENIAL

Venti: YOU CANT FUCKING TALK CHILDE

Venti: YOU THINK UR STRAIGHT

Childe: I AM

Venti: SAY THAT TO ZHONGLI THEN

Childe: 

Venti: HA

Venti: I TOLD YOU

Childe: well if YOUR not in denial

Childe: why dont u confess to xiao

Venti: bitch he already knows

Venti: he’s just in denial

Venti: but thats ok

Venti: id wait an eternity for him <333333

Bennett: awww

Venti: see benny thinks im poetic!

Bennett: i’m sure you and xiao will get your happy ending venti!!

Xingqiu: omg

Xingqiu: Bennett you’re the sweetest

Mona: why tf is this so wholesome omg

Lisa: why is mona smiling so brightly

Lisa: oh

Lisa: aww

HU TAO: GUYS

HU TAO: DO U ALL WANNA SEE THE FOOTAGE

Venti: ofc

Venti: i was stuck at the back and i couldnt see a thing

HU TAO: I WAS AT THE FRONT (o^▽^o)

Venti: way to rub it in…

Venti: i get im short :’(

Mona: yea

Venti: :o

HU TAO: justsiblingthings.vid

Lisa: omfg

Lisa: i was in the library whats this about

HU TAO: idk but ill get zhongli to ask childe to ask kaeya 

Kaeya: or u could just ask me

Venti: KAEYA!!!

Venti: YOUR ALIVE

Mona: he is?

Mona is offline

Kaeya: ouch

Kaeya: why does everyone hate me

Diluc: stfu

Kaeya: no one gives a shit what you think diluc fuck off

Diluc: istg SHUT UP

Kaeya: you beat me up for fucks sake idc what you think

HU TAO: (⊙_⊙)

Diluc: maybe i shouldve hit you harder on the head 

Diluc: that wouldve knocked some sense into that thick skull of yours 

Venti: damn.

Kaeya: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BITCH

Kaeya: istg this is ALL YOUR FAULT

Xingqiu: wait what happened

Kaeya: HE STOLE MY LUNCH

Kaeya: MY LUNCH I MADE FOR MYSELF

Kaeya: ALL BY MYSELF

Kaeya: WITH NO ONE ELSES HELP

Kaeya: AND ATE IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME

Lisa: that’s harsh diluc

Diluc: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO ATE MY LUNCH

Diluc: DONT GO THROWING AROUND LIES

Diluc: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID

Kaeya: YEAH

Kaeya: I WATCHED YOU EAT MY LUNCH

Kaeya: YOU HEAR ME

Kaeya: MINE

Albedo: what the fuck

Childe: yeah…

Diluc: MAYBE BECAUSE YOU ATE MINE FIRST

Kaeya: YOUR RICH

Kaeya: YOU CAN EASILY AFFORD YOUR OWN LUNCH

Diluc: THATS WHAT I DID

Diluc: THATS WHY I WASNT THERE LAST NIGHT

Diluc: I WAS BUYING MY LUNCH FOR TODAY

Kaeya: IT TASTED DISGUSTING

Kaeya: YOU HAVE SHIT TASTE

Lisa: this is just getting out of control

Diluc: YOUR THE ONE WITH THE QUESTIONABLE TASTE

Diluc: WHO THE FUCK MAKES A SANDWICH WITH TUNA, PICKLES, CHEESE, BUTTER, BBQ SAUCE, TOMATO SAUCE, SALAD AND CHICKEN

Lisa: what the fuck even is that

Razor: razor confused

Bennett: me too…

HU TAO: is that even a sandwich now

Kaeya: ME

Kaeya: I MAKE THAT

Kaeya: AND IT WOULDVE BEEN AMAZING

Diluc: THE BREAD WAS MOULDING

HU TAO: EW

Venti: thats gross man

Beidou: 🤢

Beidou: why did i ever think kaeya was sane

Diluc: i SAVED you from food poisoning yourself

Kaeya: by food poisoning… YOURself

Diluc: 

Diluc: yes

Kaeya: oh

Kaeya: you shouldnt have

Kaeya: thanks bro

Diluc: its no problem bro

Jean: How is this Diluc

Kaeya: are we forgiven?

Diluc: i suppose so

Xingqui: well that was fast

Bennett: yay!! Im guessing you guys are friends again :D

Childe: maybe i should try this one time

Beidou: try what exactly

Childe: yelling at someone i hate until we eventually both get tired and forgive each other

Beidou: damn

Beidou: thats smart

Childe: ikr

Kaeya: now i feel bad for beating you up

Diluc: i was the one who beat you up

Kaeya: YOU STFU

Diluc: YOU SHUT UP

Diluc: YOU CALL THOSE WEAK PUNCHES ‘BEATING ME UP’

Jean: i hate everyone here

Jean is offline

Beidou: omg i think you guys broke jean

Venti: i didnt even know that was possible

Venti: she gets annoyed at me but never hates me

Kaeya: I DID BEAT YOU UP YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS SCREAMING EVERY TIME I HIT YOU

Kaeya: THOSE ‘WEAK PUNCHES’ SWELLED ONE OF YOUR EYES SHUT

Xingqiu: what even is happening

Xingqiu: imma write fanfic

Xingqiu is offline

Mona: yall are missing out

Mona: this is pure drama and im living for it

Beidou: FUCK me too this is so funny

Diluc: I ALMOST DISLOCATED YOUR SHOULDER YOU ASSHOLE

Mona: weird flex but ok

Kaeya: ISTG ILL SWELL YOUR OTHER EYE SHUT AND YOULL WISH YOU NEVER STARTED A FIGHT WITH ME

Diluc: LIKE YOUR TALL ENOUGH TO PUNCH ME

Kaeya: IM TALLER THAN YOU

Beidou: LMAO OUTED

Diluc: DONT SAY THAT

Diluc: THATS IT KAEYA YOUR GOING TO DIE

Kaeya: NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST

Venti muted two people

Mona: oh thank gods

Mona: venti for once

Mona: you did something good

Venti: should i take that as a complement

Mona: nah

Venti: eh too bad i am

HU TAO: OMG GUYS THEYRE BEATING EACH OTHER AGAIN

HU TAO: HANG OUT ILL VIDEO IT

Aether: wtf happened when i was in class

Lumine: siblings

Lumine: amiright

HU TAO: justsiblingthingspt2.vid

Lumine: i am so close to leaving this chat

HU TAO: noooo dont leave your too sexy aha

Lumine: ok fine ill stay only for u

—

Aether -> Lumine: 

Aether: how about

Lumine: idc shut up

Aether: hear me out

Lumine: no

Aether: please??? Just this once

Lumine: oh fine

Lumine: what

Aether: how about instead of flirting with other girls

Aether: you flirt with your CRUSH??

Lumine: flirt with your crush instead

Lumine is offline

Aether: uh

Aether is offline

Chapter Text

Beidou has added two people to the chat

Xiao: whose this

Beidou: shenhe and yun jin

Beidou: they’re transfer students that arrived to our school this year

Beidou: like just yesterday

Yun Jin: hello everyone!! I look forward to getting to know you all!

Lumine: omg yun jin your here??

Lumine: and shenhe is too??

Lumine: its great to see you guys again

Yun Jin: i agree! It’s great to see you as well lumine ☺

Xiao: ive seen you all before

Shenhe: I have too.

Shenhe: In the forest when I was accompanying Lumine and Yun Jin on a hike. You were standing on a rock. 

Venti: LMAO what were you doing?

Xiao: you heard her

Shenhe: Yes.

Shenhe: Who are you?

Venti: the hottest guy youll ever meet

Shenhe: You look like you are twelve.

Venti: I CANT HELP IT IUPCIGO>FIILVAGbl/b

Lisa: you.

Shenhe: Me?

Lisa: yes you.

Lisa: I like you.

Shenhe: Thanks.

Ningguang: how are you guys settling into the school?

Ningguang: i loved your opera last week btw yun jin

Yun Jin: thank you!!

Yun Jin: and i’ve been enjoying my time here so far, thanks :)

Venti: wait you do opera?

Venti: we should do a duet

Yun Jin: oh that would be nice! do you play instruments or something?

Venti: i play a harp

Venti: also a flute but harp’s are cooler

Beidou: theyre not tho

Venti: :’)

Venti: my pride has been destroyed

Venti: xiao save me

Xiao: fuck off

Xiao is offline

Beidou: oh i almost forgot

Beidou added one person to the chat

Beidou: this is kazuha my son

Kazuha: I’m not your son

Kazuha: we are just friends

Ningguang: oh. The person you didn’t kidnap?

Diluc: you kidnapped someone?

Beidou: i didn’t kidnap him

Beidou: he asked if i could help him run away and i said yes and i took him here and now he’s enrolled

Beidou: cuz yknow it’s a public school

Diluc: oh

Kazuha: can i leave this chat

Venti: no

Venti: everyone’s stuck here ;)

Venti: wait a sec

Kazuha: what

Venti has revoked admin from everyone in the chat

Venti has locked the chat

Diluc: your fucking kidding me

Diluc: we could leave?!

Kaeya: lmao diluc just threw his phone across the classroom

Kaeya: it hit the teacher lol

Amber: oh no poor diluc

Kaeya: he’s getting yelled at im crying

Childe: its not that funny you srsly cant be crying

Kaeya: no i really am

Amber: he really is

Amber: sadbrockenman.img

Venti: lol

Albedo: OH NOOOOO 😫

Albedo: BIG BROTHER KAEYA ARE YOU OKKKK????????!!!  😥😥😥😥

Xingqiu: eyo man what the fuck

Keqing: what happened to albedo

Sucrose: aalbedo??

Chongyun: that cant be him

Albedo: ITS NOT BIG BROTHER ALBEDO!!! ITS ME KLEE!!!!!!!!!! 😁😁😁

Albedo: ALBEDO ISNT AT SCHOOL TODAY AND CAME BY TO HELP ME WITH MY BOMBS

Albedo: I MEAN NOT BOMBS

Albedo: WITH SOME EXPERIMENTS!! IM HELPING HIM BUT THEN HE SAID HES BUSY :’( AND HE LET ME PLAY WITH HIS PHONE WHILE HES BUSY!!! SO KLEE WENT ON IT :DDD

Lisa: aww hey klee

Albedo: HI MISS LISA

Albedo: ARENT YOU ALL SUPPOSED TO BE IN CLASS?? 🤔🤔

Mona: im lesbian and a woman i dont need to do anything those bitchass teachers make us do fuck em

Sucrose: ttheres a child here

Mona: 

Mona: you heard nothing

Mona is offline

Venti: *childe

Venti: im hilarious

Childe: no your not stfu

Venti: **2 childes

Kaeya: LMAO

Fischl: Do any of you insignificant acquaintances of mine have an idea of where my companion Mona went? We are supposed to be walking to our next class together, but for some reason I cannot find her!

Mona is online

Mona: girls bathroom

Mona: see u there

Fischl: Of course.

Lisa: aww hey thats cute <3

Kaeya: HEY KLEE

Albedo: BIG BROTHER KAEYA!!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩 HI!!!! 😄😆😃😁😄

Chongyun: big brother??

Kaeya: im her favourite. besides albedo obv

Kaeya: ANYWAY KLEE why isnt albedo here today

Albedo: OH! I DONT KNOW!! HE SAID HE WANTED TO SEE HOW IM DOING BUT I THINK HE JUST WANTED A DAY OFF SCHOOL TO WORK ON SOME POTIONS!!!! HE DIDNT SAY SO BUT I BET HE MISSES YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH KAEYA 

Kaeya: 

Kaeya: oh um thats very nice of him

Kaeya: you can tellll him taht i apreciaet it klee

Xingqiu: gay panic has made his spelling turn shitty

Xingqiu: wait i mean stupid

Amber: lmao hey guys look at this

Amber: gayandinlove.img

Amber: look at his pining ass

HU TAO: someone has a crush~

HU TAO: on our very own albedo (＾▽＾)

Venti: oh man ngl that’s kinda 

Venti: gay~

Mona: gay

Beidou: gay

Ningguang: gay

Xiangling: gay

Xingqiu: gay

Lisa: gay

Amber: gay

Fischl: Gay

Keqing: gay

Chongyun: gay

Ganyu: gay

Bennett: Gay!!

Xingqiu: omg

Razor: gr

Razor: gay

Bennett: :)

Razor: :)

Xinyan: gay

Childe: gay

Xiao: gay

Zhongli: gay

HU TAO: LMAO EVEN ZHONGLI?!?!!!

HU TAO: GAY

Aether: gay

Lumine: gay

Yun Jin: gayy

Shenhe: I suppose I shall join in.

Shenhe: Gay.

Xinyan: you gotta love how basically all the chat comes together to make fun of kaeya’s gay panic

Lumine: he deserves to be made fun of tbh

Xinyan: he does tho lmao

Albedo: I DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS BUT CAN I JOIN IN???

Xinyan: omg yes

Albedo: GAY

Kaeya: istg i hate you all (exept you klee)

Albedo: THANK YOU BIG BROTHER KAEYA 😄😄😄😄 BUT PLEASEEEE DONT HATE THEM THEYRE ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY NICE

Albedo: OH NO BIG BRO ALBEDO IS COMING BACK I THINK HES GOING TO TAKE HIS PHONE BACK!!!!!!!!

Albedo: IT WAS FUN TALKING TO YOU ALL KAEYA IM GOING TO TELL ALBEDO YOU REALLY REALLY MISS HIM I MISS YOU TOO THANK YOU ALL BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😄😄😄😄

Xiangling: how is it possible shes even more innocent then bennett?

Lisa: shes so pure omg

Childe: i wish my sister is as sweet as she is

Aether: same

Lumine: 

Lumine: what

Aether: what

Venti: LMAO AETHER YOU BETTER RUN

Aether: i amAJBKVHLDUKGLHSAGKFILIHAOG/.IF,UXKTFYIGUOHDA

Lumine: YOUR DEAD BITCH

HU TAO: rip aether lol

HU TAO: 

Chongyun: holy shit she just ran out of class and is chasing him around the school wtf

Bennett: i can see them!! I’d record it for you guys but my phones sparking!!

Xiangling: WHAT

Xiangling: BENNETT GET RID OF YOUR PHONE

Razor: bennett phone dead

Razor: bennett hurt :(

Xiangling: WHAT

Lisa: BENNETT NO

Yun Jin: oh no

Ganyu: I’ll try and find you guys stay safe

Zhongli: i will help too

Childe: i guess i should help as well

Venti: BENNETT PROTECTION SQUAD

Venti: UNITE AND SAVE OUR LEADER

Xiangling: WHERE ARE YOU GUYS IM COMING OVER TO HELP

Razor: purple hair is here

Ganyu: he means noelle

Ganyu: i’m here too, as well

Ganyu: we have the situation under control, bennett is mostly okay. we’ll take him to the nurses office. we’d appreciate it though if everyone could try their best to remain calm and return to their classes :)

Venti: fine

Xiao: ok

Keqing: ofc

Lisa: ok then. I hope bennett’s ok

Xiangling: alrighty!!!!

Yun Jin: i haven’t met him but i hope he’s okay too!!

Xinyan: how is ganyu so good at this omg

Kaeya: wait where’s albedo

Amber: ofc youd ask about him

Albedo: what did klee do

Beidou: backread

Albedo: ok

Kaeya: WAIT NO

Albedo: oh uum i AJLGDKAFYI

Sucrose: aalbedo??

Albedo: excuse me

Albedo is offline

Kaeya: NO

Kaeya: FUCK

Kaeya: NOW HE KNOWS HES GOING TO HATE ME MY LIFE IS OVER IM SORRY ALBEDO ILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU IM SORRY YOU DONT LOVE ME BACK IM SORRY YOU WONT AJLHSVDIGOAPYO:FILIWGL

Keqing: hes gay too dumbass

Mona: yeah hes not gonna hate you

Mona: he probably likes you back too

Kaeya: o

Kaeya: oh

Kaeya: oh yeah

Kaeya: uh

Kaeya: maybe

Kaeya: thanks

Kaeya is offline

Childe: is he going to confess

Xingqui: either that or he’s going to suffer from gay panic once more

HU TAO: lets pray its the former (>ω^)

—

Kaeya sprints - and he means literally sprints - all the way to Albedo’s house, eyes glued on the location of it on his phone half the time. 

He’s going to get detention tomorrow, of course he will, that’s what happens when you run out in the middle of class just to confess to your crush because you think you’re feelings are requited (in Kaeya’s case, he hopes). But! He can’t think about that right now, not when Albedo’s house is so close, and Kaeya’s definitely going to pass out from overexertion (running from school to your crush’s house without stopping will do that to you) but again! It doesn’t matter. 

Not even as he trips over himself and falls face first on the ground of Albedo’s driveway. He groans, contemplating if it would be so bad to just lay here for the rest of his life and- oh, he doesn’t know- become one with the ground? At least that way he wouldn’t have to worry about getting rejected-

Nope. Not doing this. Bad thoughts begone, because Kaeya is 100% absolutely, indefinitely, going to get himself a boyfriend. Or, at the very least not lose one of his closes friends by confessing his undying love to him. But that’s for later on. 

He pushes himself up, walking towards the front door with jelly-like legs. What the fuck am I doing? Kaeya asks himself and wonders if he should have at least checked with Amber before doing this-

No. Amber has an even worse love life than him, she’s crushing on the new girl! She wouldn’t be able to help him, not one bit. It’s up to him now (but maybe Venti could- no. Not while he is still trying to get Xiao to go out with him and not Childe who is still in denial that he’s gay and has a crush on Zhongli), and no one else. 

Kaeya rings the doorbell, then shoves his hands in his pockets, trying to act casual and like he didn’t just run all the way from school. 

Soon, the door opens and a familiar face looks up at him. “Big brother Kaeya?” Klee asks, confusion quickly changing to delight. She holds out her arms and he swings her up into a hug, ignoring the way his legs and arms tremble like an earthquake. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at school?”

“I… have to see your big brother Albedo,” he says, his heart hammering against his chest. “Do you… could you tell me where he is?” 

“He’s in his room working on someone,” Klee says, pouting. Kaeya lowers her on the ground and she crosses her arms. “He wouldn’t tell me what and when I asked if we could do something he said he was busy and couldn’t and I’ve done school for the day and now I’m bored .”

“Well that’s not fair is it?” he asks, ruffling her hair even as she bats his hand away. “How about this- I go talk to your brother, and then we can all play together, alright?” He ignores the fact that maybe (maybe) after confessing Albedo might not feel the same and their friendship will be ruined, but that’s for afterwards. 

“YAY!” Klee cheers. “Thank you sooo much big brother Kaeya! I’ll get my drawing book and pencils then we can draw together!”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Kaeya says, and watches the little girl run off. 

He walks upstairs to where he knows Albedo’s room is and knocks on the door. “Klee,” a tired voice says behind it. “I told you already, I’m not going to make anymore bombs-”

“Actually,” Kaeya says, cutting him off mid sentence. “It’s me.”

There’s some shuffling from behind the door and it suddenly swings open, almost hitting Kaeya in the nose. Thankfully, his luck is far better than Bennett’s, and he manages to avoid it just in time. 

“ Kaeya ,” Albedo says, a note of awe in his tone. “What are you doing- shouldn’t you be at school?” 

His cheeks have turned a little pink. Cute. 

“Yeah, I should,” he says, scratching the back of his neck. “I left early though, why weren’t you here today?” 

“I wanted to check on Klee,” Albedo says. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other face to face and I wanted to make sure she’s alright. So Mom and Dad let me take the day off, especially since they’ll be away with work for the day. But…” he frowns, pursing his lips. “Why are you here ?” 

“I wanted to see you,” Kaeya admits, his voice going soft. Albedo’s lips part a little, perhaps from surprise if his wide eyes are anything to go by. “I… suppose you saw those texts?” 

“About you…” Albedo’s head tilts down so he’s staring at his feet, his bangs falling in front of his eyes. “...having a crush on me?”

Kaeya’s breathing goes a little quicker at that, his body shaking with irrational fear, that he knows is stupid, but he just can’t ignore it either. At least he doesn’t seem angry with Kaeya, or upset. “Yeah,” he answers, his voice wobbly. “About that.” 

Albedo lifts his head once more. “Um… I have a question - if-if you’d accept it but… did you… is it true?” he asks, his voice growing quiet. “Do you… do you like me like… like that?” His voice is shaking, Kaeya realises with a pang in his heart. 

He swallows down his fear and takes a bold step close, so close their chests are almost touching. 

“Of course,” he says, amazed that his voice doesn’t tremble, and Albedo’s breath hitches. His fingers brush against the smaller teen’s jaw and asks, “May I?” 

“Mm-mhm,” Albedo mumbles and Kaeya captures his lips in a kiss, a sense of relief overcoming him. He squeezes his eye shut, afraid that if he’ll open it, he’ll wake up and realise this was all one terrifyingly amazing dream. But Albedo feels real, and the sensation of his lips on Kaeya’s feels real too. This is real, he tells himself. This is real, Albedo and I are real, we are real, oh my gods- They pull away shortly afterwards, breathing heavily. “O-oh,” Albedo stammers, his cheeks turning a deeper shade of red. “I-I wasn’t expecting that.” 

“Did you enjoy it?” Kaeya asks, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Mhm,” he answers. “I-I really did.” 

“I take it that you also like me like that, then, hm?” Kaeya teases, threading his fingers gently through Albedo’s hair. 

The smaller of the two nods. “I do,” he says, swallowing. “Um… I-I really enjoyed that,” he admits. “If it’s… alright w-with you, do you think we c-could do… do that again?” he asks, gesturing awkwardly to both of their lips before placing his head in his hands. Kaeya stares down at him fondly. He’ll never grow tired of Albedo, least not his awkwardness.

“That can be arranged,” Kaeya murmurs, then leans forward to press his lips to Albedo’s once more when the door slams open-

“BIG BROTHER KAEYA! BIG BROTHER ALBEDO!” Klee calls. The two boys jolt apart, yelping. “Are you ready to do some drawing?” she asks, oblivious to the fact that they were sharing an intimate moment. 

Nevertheless Kaeya pulls apart, not letting his hand slip from Albedo’s, and laughs. “Why of course, Klee. Um…” He turns back to Albedo, whose wearing a fond smile of his own. “I hope you don’t mind.” 

“Of course not,” Albedo says. “After all,” he lowers his voice as he leans a little closer, breath tickling Kaeya’s neck, “we have all the time in the world.” 

Kaeya might just swoon, he thinks, but thankfully has some self-control left and manages to squeak out an agreement before he follows his two favorite people in the world out of Albedo’s room. Yeah, he thinks. Albedo’s right, and heads out to join them with a smile stuck on his face. 

–-

Kaeya -> Amber

Kaeya: i have a boyfriend now 😌

Amber: wait WHAT

Amber: IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

Amber: WHO IS IT? IS IT ALBEDO???

Kaeya: no it’s a boy in the year above me named Michael and we met two days ago and we love each other very very much 🥰

Amber: um…

Kaeya: ofc it’s albedo who else would it be

Amber: wait really?? omg kaeya that’s great! i’m so happy for you

Amber: you have to tell me everything!! did you confess??? did you kiss? WHAT HAPPENED KAEYA PLEASE I HATE MATHS AND THIS IS MY ONLY SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT PLEASE

Kaeya: ohhkay sure. i guess i can let you in on the details 

Kaeya: so you know how in class today and i ran out?

Amber: oh yea you left me you BITCH also ur gonna be in detention for a while LMAO the teacher was SO PISSED it was so funny

Kaeya: …yeah. that.

Kaeya: anyway, i ran to his house

Amber: excuse me WHAT

Amber: you RAN to his FUCKING HOUSE?? WHAT THE FUCK KAEYA ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE

Amber: wait don’t answer that you definitely are

Kaeya: rude

Kaeya: but anyway, so i went to his house and opened the door. klee was there, we talked for a bit and then albedo came down we confessed and we kissed

Kaeya: simple

Amber: HOW IS IT SIMPLE

Amber: YOUR DATING SOMEONE AND YOU HAVENT TOLD ME 

Kaeya: it’s a new thing 

Kaeya: it just happened

Amber: fine. i’ll let u off just this once

Amber: but i i hope you two are happy together!

Kaeya: thanks

Kaeya: now you can get your shit together and get a gf

Amber: NO

Chapter Text

the only sane ones in this school

Beidou has added two people to the chat

Beidou: welcome yall

Yun Jin: hi :)

Yun Jin: what’s this chat??

Ninggung: it’s for the girls

Ganyu: the only sane people in this school

Lisa: yet for some reason hu tao is in this chat too…

Keqing: it’s also a place to preserve innocent minds

Xiangling: kinda ig :)

Mona: that’s why noelle and barbara are in this one and not the other cursed one

Noelle: Hi :)

Barbara: hii

Yun Jin: hi there!

Yun Jin: i look forward to getting to know you all :)

Amber: GUYS

Amber: GUESS WHAT

Lumine: ooh gossip??

Amber: FUCK YEAH

Eula: What is it?

Mona: even eula comes here for gossip lmao

Fischl: Whatever is the matter that is so important you’d interrupt thee, Fischl, Prinzessin der Verurteilung, in the middle of my studies?

Rosaria: amber.

Rosaria: spill.

HU TAO: yess what’s been going on in the 30 mins since we last texted

Beidou: @Amber

Lisa: @Amber

Keqing: @Amber

HU TAO: @Amber

Amber: ALRIGHT EVERYONE

Amber: wait a sec i just had to get the details

Amber: but guess what

Noelle: What is it?

Eula: I would like to know as well.

Mona: fuck yeah me too

Lisa: what is it amber~

Amber: Sooo you know how Kaeya ran out of class this morning?

Mona: lmfao after we told him he was gay

Amber: yeah!

Amber: so it turns out he didnt just sulk on his bed for the rest of the day

Beidou: :O

Beidou: im shocked

Rosaria: same

Rosaria: i didnt think that bitch would actually do sm with his day

Lisa: none of us did lmao

Amber: ANYWAYS

Amber: it turned out he went to a certain someone’s house 😏😏

Lumine: amber no offense cuz ur great but i wish i could unsee those emojis

HU TAO: did kaeya fuck someone

Mona: he prolly did what else would u expect

Amber: NO

Amber: at least i dont think so

Amber: ugh you guys are so dumb

Barbara: :o

Amber: not u barbara! I didnt mean it 

Rosaria: fuck u too 

HU TAO: (╥_╥)

Amber: I MEAN HE WENT TO ALBEDOS HOUSE

Keqing: ok WHAT THE FUCK

Lumine: HOLY SHIT HE DID?!

Lisa: DID THEY KISS

Amber: YES

Lisa: FINALLY

Lisa: FOUR FUCKING YEARS OF PINING AND HE FINALLY GOT THERE

Sucrose: the same was with albedo… he never shut up about kaeya, always talking ab his eyes and how pretty he is

Lisa: OMFG SAME 😭 GOOD FOR THEM!

Ganyu: aw im happy for them!!

Rosaria: that bitch finally did it

Fischl: Well, that is very good news, I suppose. I, Fischl, Prinzessin der Verurteilung, wish Albedo and Kaeya a happy relationship.

Eula: As do I.

Barbara: aww that’s really awesome!!

Noelle: I hope they’re happy together :)

Ningguang: that is very good news

Yun Jin: i barely know them but i agree with you all, it’s great they’ve finally gotten together :)

Xinyan: fuck yeah it is

Lumine: does that mean like 4 people in the year are dating

Lumine: the rest of us are single

Lumine: pringles 😭😭😭🤣

Mona: omg ur so funny

Lumine: ikr 🤣🤣😅

Mona: 😐

Ningguang: wait whose dating who

Lumine: albedo and kaeya

Lumine: xiangling and xinyan

Xiangling: yeah!! Love u xinyan 💖💖

Xinyan: u too babe 💝

Ganyu: aww

Lumine: and that’s it

Barbara: wait what ab bennett and razor??

HU TAO: they’re together???

Barbara: i mean that’s what i was told…

Barbara: was i not supposed to say anything?! Dont tell them i told u guys 🤐

Xiangling: no theyre definitely together

Lisa: yea they arent subtle

HU TAO: more subtle than whatever zhongzhong and ed sheeran 2.0 have going on

Xiangling: LMAO TRU

Xiangling: they come by to my dad’s restaurant a lot and im usually there

Xiangling: i get like first hand trauma from the levels of dumbassness radiating from their table

Xiangling: ‘childe would u like me to show you how to use these chopsticks?’

Xiangling: ‘o-oh, thank u zhongli, id really appreciate it’

HU TAO: LMAO

Yun Jin: does that actually happen??

Ningguang: unfortunately yes

Ningguang: we’ve had to deal with their pining for a long, long time

Beidou: two years cause that was when childe transferred over to teyvat

Lisa: thats the biggest mistake anyone could ever make

Lisa: coming HERE of all schools

Amber: wasnt he from like fatui high

Amber: that school is weird af

Keqing: it is

Keqing: i heard they let students carry around blowtorches and shit

Rosaria: what the fuck

Mona: see?

Mona: there are worse schools than ours?

Lumine: i miss being homeschooled

Lumine: this place is messed up

Lumine: the teachers are weird af most people either drink or do drugs everyone is hot

Lisa: couldnt have said it any better myself

Barbara: wait guys!!

Barbara: does anyone know how bennett is doing??

Noelle: Oh I don’t know! We could ask Razor, maybe he’d know??

Ganyu: i hope bennett’s ok

Keqing: same

Keqing: but i doubt anyone would be ok after their phone explodes in their hands

Amber: hang on ill add him

Amber added one person to the chat

Razor: what

Amber: Razor!! I was wondering if you knew how Bennett’s doing? We all hope he’s okay…

Razor: bennett in hospital

Lumine: holy shit its THAT bad??

Barbara: oh no… :(

Razor: i am here too

Amber: oh no really?? how bad is it???

Razor: bennett injured

Razor: not dead

Razor: doctor says he will be out in a week

Razor: can i leave

Amber: ofc!

Amber: ty razor!

Razor has left the chat

Lumine: well at least bennett will be ok soon

Ningguang: knowing his luck it wont last for long

Barbara: :,(

Lisa: wait girls

Lisa: where’s jean been lately

Lisa: she hasnt been on any chats at all

Lisa: and i barely see her at lunch breaks the only time i do see her is class

Beidou: remember when diluc and kaeya had that huge fight in the cafeteria like last week or smth

Keqing: oh YEAH she was pissed

Keqing: like for good reason it was really fucking annoying

Xiangling: i mean what else would u expect??

Xiangling: they fought so much last year i was surprised they hadnt fought at all this year

Ganyu: but yeah, i think jean’s a little ig down or smth?? She didnt seem herself in the latest school council meeting but when i asked if she was alright she just said she was

HU TAO: brocken 🖤🥀

Mona: lmao

Keqing: i feel bad i laughed

Keqing: oh shit now the teacher’s looking at me FUCK

Lumine: oop 🤐

Lisa: wait wait wait so should i try and find her to see if she’s alright?

HU TAO: duh ofc

Amber: WAIT

Amber: are u high rn?

Lisa: no <3

Amber: ok then youll probably be fine go get your girl!!

Ganyu: awww

Ganyu: maybe we’ll have a 3rd couple

Lisa: 

Lisa: no <3

Barbara: aw

Barbara: hopefully soon!

Lisa: fuck yea i need a gf

Lumine: 👀👀

Lisa: 😉

Lumine: 😘

Lisa: 😚

Amber:

Mona: lol

HU TAO: hm

—

Amber -> HU TAO

Amber: NOT ONE WORD

HU TAO: i hate to break it to u buuuuut

HU TAO: ur not subtle lmao

Amber: shut up

Amber: she doesnt know yet im fine

Amber: BESIDES its lisa!!! who wouldnt pass having her as a gf…

HU TAO: yea its lisa

HU TAO: thats basically hitting on a married woman

HU TAO: youve seen how lisa is with jean

HU TAO: its so… OLD MARRIED COUPLE-Y UGH 

Amber: 

HU TAO: just know you still have a chance~

—

Lisa -> Jean

Lisa: hey jean?

Lisa: i was just wondering how you’re doing~

Lisa: you havent been on the chat recently and

Lisa: well we barely talk now

Lisa: are you okay?

Jean: Um

Jean: Hey Lisa

Jean: Thank you for your concern, but there’s no need. I’m fine, really 

Jean: I’ve just been very… stressed lately. I’m sorry if I’ve came across as distant

Lisa: hey dont be sorry! I just want to make sure you’re doing okay

Lisa: but if you ever need anyone to talk to, just know I’m here :)

Jean: thanks :)

—

Jean -> Diluc

Jean: so

Jean: I didn’t tell her

Diluc: oh

Jean: I don’t know how to though

Jean: It’s… it’s going to be difficult to put into words

Jean: and I don’t want to make a mistake 

Diluc: hey you’ll get there

Jean: mhm

Diluc: it sucks though 

Diluc: i can always tell her if you want…?

Jean: thanks but… no

Jean: it’s better if she hears it from me

Diluc: mhm

—

“Hey,” Aether says to Venti when they’re the only two people in the dorm, as Xiao stormed out early on and Albedo isn’t even back at school yet (probably skipping, but Aether’s not going to call him out on it). Venti looks up from where he’s shoving his books in his bags, a question in his eyes and a smirk on his lips. “I’ve, uh, got a question.” 

“Sure, what is it?” Venti asks, winking and Aether pretends his cheeks don’t heat up. He’s normally like this, Aether tells himself, and he is but a tragic gay who has happened to have a crush on most of the guys in the year.

“Um.” Suddenly his throat feels like it’s closing in on itself. “You and Xiao.” 

Venti’s eyebrows pinch, his expression suddenly turning pained. Aether feels a pang of guilt but ignores it, keeping his expression as blank as he can. “Heh… What about us?” 

“Aren’t- aren’t you dating?” Aether manages to choke out, and Venti laughs. 

“Tell me, my dearest friend, when has Xiao ever reacted positively to my advances?” he asks, smiling now, but the pained expression doesn’t leave his eyes. Aether is frozen, his body going impossibly stiff when Venti asks, “Why do you ask?” 

He pointedly does not (no, he doesn’t, of course not) think of Kazuha, and his pretty red eyes, and pretty hair and pretty face- and chokes out, “I have an idea.” 

Venti smirks again. “Do tell.”

“Um. So. You and I both have crushes.” Venti’s eyebrows arch, a question on his lips for sure, but Aether just shakes his head and continues, “And we’re also hopeless gays.” 

“Are you saying we try to make them jealous ?” Venti asks, laughing. Aether has been rendered silent, and that is Venti’s answer. “Okay, okay,” he says, once his laughing fit is over. His smirk grows wicked. “So- our plan: you and I pretend to be together to make our crushes jealous?” 

“Yes,” Aether blurts. “I mean you want Xiao, don’t you…?” 

“Mm, uh, yes,” the smaller boy nods. “And who is the one that has captured your heart, eh?” 

Aether has been rendered speechless yet again, his cheeks growing hot with embarrassment. “Uh,” he mumbles. “Um.”

Venti raises a single eyebrow, arms crossed. 

“UMITSKAZUHATHENEWKID!” he yells out. 

“...What did you say?” 

Aether presses his hands to his face. “It’s Kazuha,” he mumbles. “That new kid Beidou kidnapped? I dunno what his situation is but he’s um. He’s got nice eyes. And he’s nice too. And he’s really pretty.”

Venti falls to his knees, hugging his stomach as he cackles. “That poet kid? Who might be a fugitive? Oh gods, Aether you have it bad .”

“Mm. Yeah. Mhm. Yup.” He waits a beat before asking, “So you’re in?” 

“This is like the fanfics Xingqiu writes,” Venti mutters then looks up with a grin. “Yeah, sure. Fake dating, ahoy!”

Chapter Text

“Albedo,” Jean greets, approaching the boy currently in conversation with Kaeya, a book spread open in between them both. He looks up, blue eyes narrowing the slightest bit. “I have something to tell you.” 

“Oh,” he says, sending an apologetic look to the other teen who just smirks back, as he stands. “Whatever is it?”

Jean pauses, pursing her lips. “It’s about Klee…” 

Albedo blanches, swallowing. “Oh Gods…” he mutters, while in the background Kaeya cackles. It takes all of her self-control not to send a glare in his direction, and instead focuses on keeping her expression as poised as she can. “What about her?” 

“I’ve only just found out,” she says. “The building Klee blew up - well it’s not actually an abandoned one. It is… well, it was a, uh, a school.” 

“What the fuck,” whispers Kaeya, walking over to Albedo, sliding an arm around the other boy’s shoulders. “A school ?” 

“Did- did someone get hurt?” Albedo asks, trying to swallow down his nerves. 

“Thankfully no one attending it was present that day as it was orientation for those in Klee’s grade for the next year - should they attend it,” she says. Albedo’s shoulders slump in relief and the shocked look Kaeya’s wearing falls back into it’s usual smirk. “But, as it was destroyed, they won’t be able to attend anymore.” 

Albedo’s lips part, a silent understanding, Jean presumes. Kaeya also nods along, eyebrows furrowing. 

“So. We’ll be having a lot of new students,” she continues. “I’ll inform everyone else, I just thought, because she’s your sister, you’d like to know.” 

“Oh yeah, thank you Jean,” he says, nodding. “That’s, um, not what I was expecting.” 

She tries for a smile. “Yeah,” she says. “Neither.” 

—

Jean: I can’t believe I’m doing this

Jean has added 11 people to the chat

Diluc: jean

Diluc: why

Xiao: what the fuck jean

Venti: lmao whats this

Kaeya: new students thats what

Kaeya: cuz yknow albedo’s sister blew up their school

Childe: LMAO WHAT

Keqing: pls

Keqing: she fucking what

Mona: wtf did klee do

Lisa: a SCHOOL

Kokomi: oh whats this?

Kokomi: hi :)

Lumine: hey new student

Lumine: welcome to the shittiest school on the planet!!!

Jean: Lumine.

Lumine: 

Jean: This school is actually a rather nice place

Childe: lol sure

Zhongli: i have to admit it’s not too bad

Childe: I 100% AGREE I LOVE THIS PLACE :D

Zhongli: :)

Hu Tao: lmao gay

Jean: how has your day been, Kokomi? I trust you’re being welcomed here?

Kokomi: oh my day’s been great so far

Kokomi: everyone here is really nice :)

Lisa: omg ur name’s so pretty

Lisa: and yea you’ll love it here we’re all a mess but you’ll learn to love us ;)

Kokomi: ty! and im glad to hear that :)

Kujou Sara: hey

Lisa: hii

Lumine: hey

Aether: wait I KNOW YOU

Aether: YOU BEAT ME UP THAT ONE TIME

Aether: how are you lol

Kujou Sara: um yeah i did

Lumine: LMAO dumbass deserved it

Lisa: tbh yea

Kujou Sara: wait

Jean: what is it?

Kujou Sara: who the fuck added itto here

Itto: UR HERE?!!?!

Itto: FIGHT BE BITCH

Kujou Sara: fuck off 

Kujou Sara is offline

Venti: lmao what

Itto: HEY

Venti: hi~

Aether: hey venti :)

Aether: how is the most beautiful man on the planet doing today ;)

Venti: ooh i dont know how are you??

Aether: <3

Venti: <3

Xiao:

Xiao is offline

Mona: wtf

Childe: 

Childe: what happened to Venti simping for xiao

Venti: stfu 

Venti: just bc ur a sad gay disaster doesnt mean you can judge me with my beautiful aether <3333

Aether: <33

Keqing: um

Keqing: ok then

Yae Miko: well hello there~

Ei: hi

Venti: WAIT EI’S HERE

Venti: NOPE NOT DOING THIS TODAY BYE

Venti is online

Aether: wait for me venti <333

Lumine: what the fuck aether

Aether: stfu bitch

Lumine: fight me

Aether is offline

Lumine: lmao coward

Zhongli: hi ei :)

Ei: hi

Kazuha: um what

Kazuha: SOMEONE CHANGE MY NAME IM A FUCOHGA>DIAS<

Beidou: huh

Kazuha: ChANGE MY NAMe

Beidou changed Kazuha’s name to beidou’s son

beidou’s son: ty

Ei: um?

Thoma: what just happened

beidou’s son is offline

Kaeya: HOLY SHIT THOMA’S HERE

Kaeya: THE HOTTER CHILDE

Childe: STFU

Thoma: omg hey kaeya

Kaeya: hey thoma

Kaeya: ur at this school now

Thoma: yep :)

Ayaka: it’s a 

Ayaka: interesting place

Yae Miko: mhm

Ayato: woah u guys dont shut up

Kaeya: lmao yes

Thoma: omg ayato <333

Thoma has deleted a message

Thoma: i mean uh hi

Ayato: hi

Yoimiya: HIIIIIIII

HU TAO: HI NEW STUDENT!!!

HU TAO: MAY I INTEREST YOU IN SOME COFFINS???

Chongyun: wdym coffins

Xiangling: since when has hu tao sold coffins

HU TAO: SINCE FOREVER

HU TAO: YOU GUYS JUST NEVER ASKED T_T

Yoimiya: UHH NO THANKS!!!

Yoimiya: SPEAKING OF COFFINS COULD I INTEREST YOU IN SOME FIREWORKS?

HU TAO: OMG YES

HU TAO: THEYD BE GREAT FOR A FUNERAL

HU TAO: A CELEBRATORY SEND OFF TO THE AFTERLIFE :DDD

Yoimiya: ITS A DEAL!!

HU TAO: WHERE CAN I BUY SOME??

Yoimiya: I HAVE SOME IN MY BAG 

Thoma: what

Yae Miko: oh what a shame it would be if this school blew up as well

HU TAO: WAIT A SEC ILL FIND U

Yoimiya: KK :D

Kaeya: is this

Kaeya: a second hu tao

Zhongli :o

Childe: we’re all doomed

Yoimiya: DONT WORRY MIKO!!!

Yoimiya: I PROMISE I WON’T BLOW ANYTHING UP AGAIN

Albedo: again?

Kaeya: or could she be a second klee?

Albedo: oh no

Yae Miko: good to know~

Yae Miko: i have to go but i’m looking forward to getting to know you all ;)

Ei: as do i

Yae Miko and Ei are offline

Xingqiu: 👀👀

Xingqui: i wonder what they’re doing~

Xinyan: no one cares u gross smut writer

Xingqiu: I TOLD YOU IT WAS A COMMISIOON

Xiangling: lmao he cant even spell 

Xingqiu: sHUT UP

Lisa: the lesbians are ganging up on him lol

Xinyan: tbh he deserves it

Xiangling: he really does

Xingqiu: HEY

Xinyan: love u babe <33

Xiangling: u too babe <333

Thoma: well that’s cute

Thoma: are yall here gay??

Beidou: there’s not a single one of us here who isn’t

Beidou: what about from ur old school? yall gay too?

Kokomi: that’s the impression i’m under!

Gorou: no we’re definitely all gay

Beidou: fuck yeah

Jean: why do you ask, Thoma?

Thoma: not judging btw i am too

Childe: we can tell lol

HU TAO: lmao like u can talk SIMP

Childe: im nOT A SIMP

Zhongli: who is a simp?

Childe: HI

HU TAO: STOP SIMPING BITCH

Childe: sHUT THE fucK UP

HU TAO: i cant, i have a condition~

Chongyun: a condition to endlessly piss people off?

HU TAO: precisely :)

Thoma: that smiles unnerves me

HU TAO: it should~

Thoma: um

Thoma: ok

Ayaka: why this school

Ayaka: are any of you okay?

Everyone is offline

Ayaka: um well

Ayaka: that’s… something

—

Childe -> Kaeya: 

Childe: hey

Childe: when the fuck did venti ever like aether

Childe: and aether like him back

Kaeya: ikr 

Kaeya: wtf was that earlier

Kaeya: like no judgement here but didn’t venti like fucking simp for xiao and aether follow that random new kid around endlessly

Childe: yea

Childe: wait a sec

Childe added Xingqiu to the chat

Xingqiu: what

Childe: XINGQIU

Childe: my friend

Xingqiu: friend?

Xingqiu: what’s this exatcly/

Kaeya: lmao u cant even spell

Xingqiu: stfu

Xingqiu: what’s up

Childe: anyway

Childe: what do you think of venti and aether’s new relationship?

Xingqiu: they’re together??

Kaeya: backread on groupchat

Xingqiu: ok

Xingqiu: oh

Xingqiu: i see what you mean

Xingqiu: lmao that’s so fucking fake

Kaeya: what

Childe: what

Xingqiu: when have venti and aether shared interest in each other

Xingqiu: have you ever heard of fake dating??? To make the person you actually like jealous and then u could get together??

Kaeya: not all of us read fanfiction

Xingqiu: 

Childe: or write it

Xingqiu: SHUT

Kaeya: WAIt

Kaeya: so they’re definitely fake dating???

Xingqiu: well i dont EXACTLY know 

Xingqiu: but like if venti professing his adoration for xiao every second of every day isnt going to work - what else would?

Xingqiu: what measures would venti go to to make the man he loves his??

Childe: i mean it’s venti so….

Childe: oh ur definitely right

Xingqiu: ofc

Xingqiu: im leaving btw but ur welcome for the help

Kaeya: thanks lol

Xingqiu has left the chat

Kaeya: i never would have guessed that

Childe: ikr??? Soooooo what do we do?? do we just leave it or smth

Kaeya: get a bf first

Childe: wdym?? I already have a best friend

Kaeya is offline

—

(Former) Inazuma High Students

Kokomi: so

Kokomi: what does everyone think of this school and our classmates?

Kujou Sara: i fucking hate 

Kokomi: …?

Kujou Sara: itto 

Kujou Sara: i hate that bitch

Kokomi: he went to high school with us though…? We already know him

Kujou Sara: ik

Kujou Sara: my feelings towards him still havent changed

Gorou: are your feelings towards him the same as your feelings towards everything in life? including yourself?

Gorou: utmost rage and complete utter disgust

Kujou Sara: gorou istg

Yae Miko: now now let’s all get along~

Ayaka: i agree

Kokomi: me too!

Yae Miko: there’s no point in arguing when we could simply watch itto and sara beat each other up

Kokomi: i no longer agree…

Ayato: violence is never the answer

Ayaka: you saw that and yet last year you helped sara beat up itto

Itto: FUCK OFF ALL OF YOU I DID NOT GET BEAT UP

Itto: IN FACT ILL HAVE YOU KNOW I WAS THE ONE WHO DID THE BEATING UP

Yae Miko: don’t be rude itto, what has gorou ever done to you?

Itto: whaAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAt

Gorou: huh

Thoma: she means you’re gay~

Ayaka: you are too

Thoma: I KNOW THAT

Itto: ME

Itto: GAY

Itto: PFFFT OFC NOT

Kujou Sara: please all of us are

Ayato: lmao really

Ayato: wdym i like girls

Ayaka: 

Ayato: what

Ayaka: dont test me

Ayaka: i can blackmail you

Ayaka: i know who you like

Ayato: YOU WOULDNT DARE

Ayaka: i would

Gorou: what wholesome sibling relationships

Yae Miko: we love to see it

Kokomi: wait that reminds me

Kokomi has added ‘beidou’s son’ to the chat

Kokomi: remember kazuha??

Ayaka: oh yeah

beidou’s son: huh

beidou’s son: im here again?

Thoma: HI

Ayato: hey

beidou’s son: hey 

Itto: OH WAIT

Itto: YOURE THAT FUGITIVE RIGHT

Itto: THE ONE THAT FLED INAZUMA HIGH??

beidou’s son: we don’t speak of that

Yoimiya: LMAO WHAT

Yae Miko: i remember him leaving

Yae Miko: but not him being a fugitive

Thoma: lol same

Kokomi: he was a fugitive??

Kokomi: i thought he just left

Ei: oh

Ei: kazuha’s back?

beidou’s son is offline

Ei: 

Ei: was it something i said?

Kujou Sara: no

Thoma: lol what just happened

Itto: SIMP

Thoma: im a simp??

Itto: I mean YEAH BUT IT WAS TALKING AB SARA

Ei: what?

Kujou Sara: i’m not a simp STFU

Itto: HAHAHHA LIKE I BELIEVE A WORD YOU SAY

Kujou Sara: i will beat you up

Kujou Sara is offline

Yoimiya: OMFG

Yoimiya: IMMA WATCH THIS LMAO

Yae Miko: so will i

Yae Miko: after all, we all need some entertainment, dont we?

Ei: what are you doing, miko?

Yae Miko: watching Sara beat itto up <3

Ei: oh

Ei: well, i’ll come too i suppose

Yae Miko: i’ll be waiting ;)

Ei: ok

Ei is offline

Gorou: how desperate of you miko~

Kokomi: it’s okay miko!! Im sure ei will soon realise you’re true feelings for her

Yae Miko: she’s always been oblivious, im not bothered :)

Yae Miko is offline

Thoma: wait who else is gonna watch sara beat itto up

Ayato: i’d never pass up an opportunity like that

Ayaka: me :)

Gorou: ill be there too

Kokomi: i guess i’ll come over too :)

Kokomi: the usual spot??

Gorou: probably

Kokomi: i’ll see you all there 

Thoma: see yall

Ayato: see ya ;)

—

Ayato -> Ayaka:

Ayato: you wouldnt tell anyone i like him

Ayato: right

Ayaka: there’s no point anyway

Ayaka: i’m pretty sure everyone already knows

Ayaka: you’re not subtle, thoma’s just dumb

Ayato:

Ayato: i cant argue with you there

Ayaka: it’s ok

Ayaka: i’m sure he likes you back too

Ayato: i mean you’d hope so

Ayaka: dont worry youll get there :)

Ayato: that smile scares me

Ayaka: you should be

Ayaka: :)

Chapter Text

Venti: it’s been a week since bennett left

Venti: i miss him everyday

Ayato: ayo whose bennett??

Yoimiya: IS THIS BENNETT DEAD!???

Yoimiya: THATS SO SAD T_T

Xingqiu: bennett…

Xingqiu: the most pure kindest person in the world

Xiangling: why does god hate one boy??

Mona: ikr im storming up to heavens door rn

Xinyan: hell yeah

Xinyan: fucking slap that bitch 

Mona: on it

Venti: how dare he hurt our poor benny?? stuck all alone in hospital

Yoimiya: WAIT IS HE DEAD OR NOT

Venti: barely alive

Ningguang: venti don’t mess around Bennett is fine

Yoimiya: BUT HES IN HOSPITAL????

Ningguang: he just got injured recently

Yoimiya: OH

HU TAO: HANGON MONA ILL BE THERE TOO

Xinyan: me too 

Xiangling: oh and me!!

Xingqiu: ill be there too

Venti: ehe

Venti: so will i

Kaeya: is this what i think it is

Kaeya: a riot at heaven’s gate, protesting benny abuse??

Xinyan: fuckyeah it is

Yoimiya: IDK WHO THIS BENNETT GUY IS BUT ILL BE THERE TOO

Ayato: lmao same why not

Mona: are there any more of you fuckers who’ll be coming with us

Beidou: me

Beidou: ill give god a piece of my mind

Kaeya: if beidou gets involved that means shits about to go down

Ningguang: I’ll go as well, I suppose

Keqing: ningguang

Keqing: why

Ningguang: bennett abuse can not be allowed to go on

Keqing: oh your right

Keqing: ill be there too

Xiangling: wait how are we even going to go to heaven to beat up god?? 🤔

Mona: an astrologist never gives away her secrets

Mona: trust the process ;)

Kaeya: you did not need to add the wink

Venti: i am now scared for my life

Beidou: lol

Razor: razor will come

Razor: where we meet?

Mona: outside the school gates

Venti: LETS AVENGE BENNY

Venti: STOP BENNY ABUSE

—

“Huh,” says Lisa, as she looks outside the window of the library, frowning. Next to her, Jean raises her head, closing her book as she locks eyes with Lisa. 

“What is it?” Jean asks, lips pursed. “Is everything okay?” 

“Look out there,” she replies, pointing to a crowd of students ( oh no, is that Venti? And Mona? And- ) who storm out of the front gates, running down a street. She stifles her giggle behind her mouth. “What the hell are they all doing?”

The expression on Jean’s face is almost laughable, but Lisa just pities her a little. She looks so, so tired. “Oh my Gods,” Jean whispers, burying her face in her hands. “What is wrong with our school?” 

Lisa has no answer for that, and only replies with a small laugh, but even that seems to lift the forlorn look on Jean’s face. 

—

Bennett: huh??? What are all you guys doing here in the hospital??

Jean: what.

Mona: to see you ofc

Venti: and to beat up god

Diluc: why are you texting if youre all in the same place

Venti: stfu it doesnt matter

Diluc: why the hell are you all even in a hospital

Mona: well

Diluc: nevermind. I forgot i dont care

Venti: what are you saying diluc??

Venti: you don’t care about poor benny, stuck inside a hospital with no sign of the outside world??

Venti: is THIS what im hearing??

Thoma: damn.. 

Diluc: i

Diluc: i never said that

Diluc: of course i 

Diluc: c

Diluc: c are about bennett

Kaeya: HOLY SHIT

Kaeya: IS THIS WHAT IM SEEING

Kaeya: DILUC EXPRESSES AN EMOTION

HU TAO: OMFG 

HU TAO: A MIRACLE

Childe: i am shocked

Venti: lmao same

Bennett: i appreciate the thought, diluc!! :)

HU TAO: wait a sec i just gotta wipe a tear from my eye

Mona: toO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD

Jean: I agree, Bennett does not deserve this pain

Bennett: aww shucks, thank you guys!

Amber: he just said shucks unironinically 

Amber: ily benny. no hetero tho

Mona: lmao same

Xingqiu: this boy ^^ 😭😭🥰😊😭

Yun Jin: aw

Venti: omg-

Venti: aeth im leaving u for benny

Aether: what

Lumine: lmfao

Childe: damn thats cold venti why would you break up with ur real boyfriend HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

Kaeya: childe what the fuck

Childe: um

Mona: sus

Aether: LMFAO MONA YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT

Mona: FUCK OFF

Bennett: um venti that’s nice of you, but i already have a boyfriend :)

Venti: i was jk benny <3

Venti: wait

Venti: WHO

Mona: omg

Diluc: how can you be this stupid

Venti: WDYM

Lumine: how do you not know

Lumine: im new and i know

Venti: WHO

Venti: WHO IS IT

Childe: everyone knows, venti

Childe: how do you not know

Venti: JUST TELL ME

Bennett: oh!!

Bennett: it’s razor <3

Razor: <3

Razor: benny makes razor happy :D

Bennett: :D!!

Mona: PURE

Mona: im CRYING

Venti: ok thats definitely a match made in heaven

HU TAO: there’s not gonna be a heaven for much longer after we destroy it

Jean: What are you guys doing?

HU TAO: NOTHINGGGGGG (O_O)

Jean: as much as i appreciate you all going to the hospital to support Bennett

Mona: and kill god

Jean: im not even going to question this

Jean: But you shouldn’t leave school in the middle of the day

Kaeya: cmon it barely started

Kaeya: and what are we even missing out on

Lisa: oh lots

Lisa: sara beat up itto in the cafeteria

Kaeya: WAIT WE MISSED WHAT

Kaeya: that’s a shame i wanted to see that

Venti: KAEYA

Venti: THINK OF BENNY

Kaeya: ofc god IM COMING FOR YOu

Mona: soon…

Mona: soon he will pay

Jean: oh no

Lisa: do you get beaten up by sara often itto?? 👀👀

Itto: OH MY FUCKING GOD SHUT UP ABOUT IT

Itto: I LET HER WIN

Kujou Sara: sure

Itto: KOKOMI YOU BELIEVE ME

Kokomi: um

Itto: AYAKA???!?

Ayaka: no you definitely lost

Itto: AYATO???? THOMA???!?! YOIMIYA?!?!??!

Ayato: lol nope she totally kicked your ass

Thoma: yea

Yoimiya: MHM!!!

Itto: GOROU!?!?????? WHAT DO YOU THINK???

Gorou: you er

Gorou: you did a pretty good job

Itto: SEE

Itto: THANK YOU

Itto: AT LEAST SOMEONE APPRECIATES ME

Ayato: he literally never said that

Ayato: but ok then

Itto: GOROU

Itto: DO YOU APPRECIATE ME

Gorou: um yeah sure

Itto: THANK YOU

Beidou: this himbo’s gonna be giving me an aneurysm 

Kaeya: what does that even mean

Beidou: idk but it just sounded right in the context

Albedo: since no one asked ill just tell you

Venti: what no no one wants that

Albedo: an aneurysm is actually when a blood vessel begins to bulge or balloon, like what could happen in the weak area of an artery. if that blood vessel is left unattended for to long, it could rupture, and the blood that spurts from it could cause direct damage to the surrounding cells around it. There’s a very high possibility you die from it too

Albedo: the himbo is annoying but there’s an extremely low chance he’ll cause you to have an aneurysm

Beidou: i literally understood none of that

Kaeya: neither tbh but i love you babe thanks <3

Albedo: <3

Kokomi: aww

Venti: i have an idea

Jean: Oh no

—

Venti has added 10 people to unnamed conversation

Venti has changed the chat name to ‘hopeless gays’

Lisa: is this your idea

Lisa: bully us gays who struggle with unrequited love??

Childe: why am in in this chat

Childe: also lmao it’s not unrequited but sure

Lisa: neither is urs honey <3

Childe: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE

Venti: i have a feeling this may have been a bad idea

Mona: you fucking think??

Mona: why am i in this chat?? I may be gay but im not hopeless

Venti: ehe

Mona: venti istg

Lisa: do you really want to know childe

Childe: TELL ME

Lisa: hmm i dont know… maybe zhongli?????

Childe: what about him

Lisa: you

Lisa: like 

Lisa: him

Childe: he’s my best friend ofc i do

HU TAO: ok he answered way too quickly 

HU TAO: kinda sus ngl

Xingqiu: i hate to agree with a fucking among us player but i do

HU TAO: fuck u i dont play among us :)

Lisa: ur hopeless

Lisa: see that’s why ur in this chat

Childe: 

Childe is offline

Itto: HI

Xingqiu: whose in this chat exactly

Aether: me

Lumine: what why are you…

Aether: huh?

Lumine: nvm

Lumine: i am

Mona: yall probably know this but so am i

Itto: ME

Yae Miko: me :)

HU TAO: I AM

Keqing: why tf am i here

Venti: why bc of ur infatuation with our dear friend ganyu

Keqing:

Keqing is offline

HU TAO: lol

Thoma: i am

Beidou: bitches im here too

Lumine: say….

Lumine: venti, aeth.. Why are you two here, if you are both already in a relationship with each other??

Childe is online

Childe: holy shit

Venti: 

Venti: um er

Aether: about that

Venti: WELL TO HELP YOU GUYS OF COURSE

Venti: I AM NOTHING IF NOT HELPFUL

Venti: AND SO IS AETH

Aether: YEAH

Aether: EXACTLY

Lumine:

Lumine: cut the act

Xingqiu: omg

Xingqiu: shits boutta go down

HU TAO: OOH~

Thoma: wait what’s happening

Thoma: i feel a little out of the loop

Lisa: just watch

Itto: 👀👀

Lumine: you two never liked each other did you??

Lumine: at least not like that

Lumine: so why would you decide to get together out of nowhere?

Xingqiu:

Lumine: Xingqiu… do you know smth??

Xingqiu: ur pretty close keep thinking

Aether: LUMI!!

Lumine: dont call me that

Venti: YOUVE GOT IT ALL WRONG

Venti: Aeth and I LOVE EACH OTHER!

Lisa: venti used proper grammar

Lisa: not a good sign

Aether: oh FINE

Aether: WE’LL TELL YOU

Thoma: he gave up quickly

Aether: it was a lie

Aether: all of it

Lumine: hm

Lumine: exactly

Lumine: bc you two dont know how to ask out the dumbasses you like

Lumine: so you resort to making them jealous

Lumine: with the impression that it would make them want to date you even more, instead of making them lose all hope in dating you and moving on

Aether: holy shit

Aether: your right

Venti: OH NO YOU FUCKING ARE

Lumine: talk to them you idiots

Venti: AETHER I BREAK UP WITH YOU

Aether: SAME

Venti is offline

Aether is offline

HU TAO: LUMI YOUR SO SMART!!!!

Lumine: i know

Thoma: holy shit how did you get all of that

Thoma: im still trying to process what just happened

—

Venti -> Xiao

Venti: hey xiao

Venti: can we talk

Venti: uh

Venti: um

Venti: well idk how to say this BUT aether and i broke up 

Xiao: why are you telling me this.

Venti: OH HI

Xiao: hey.

Venti: well um your my friend!!!

Venti: so maybe you could um

Venti: console me??

Xiao: what the fuck

Xiao: venti i really dont care

Venti: huh????

Venti: but i do!!

Xiao: so?

Venti is typing…

—

Xiao slams his phone on the desk, smacking his head on it.

Albedo looks down from his bunk in mild curiosity, an eyebrow raised. “What’s up with you?” he asks, not sounding even the least bit interested. His eyes flit back down to the book he was staring intensely at. 

“Why aren’t you with Kaeya,” Xiao mutters, not prepared for Albedo to actually hear. 

“You know, just because we’re dating, it doesn’t mean I have to spend every second of every day with him,” the other teen points out, his eyebrows furrowing into a small frown. “But you are right, in a way - why am I here, with you, when I could be passionately making out with him instead?” 

Xiao buries his face in his hands. “Oh my fucking Gods,” he hisses between his teeth. “Shut the hell up .” The phone on his desk buzzes, an indication Venti has finally sent a text, and he leaves it faced down on it. 

Albedo smirks, before he gets off his bed and leaves the room, leaving Xiao there, all alone. 

His heart hammers against his chest. First Venti gets together with the new kid, Aether, out of fucking nowhere then, after a week or two, they break up and Xiao- he’s here, in his dorm, alone, absolutely in love with one of the stupidest teens in their grade. And he hates it. He hates it so much.

The feeling, it’s- it’s just so uncomfortable and almost alien in a way. He hates it, and yet he loves it all the same, and loves Venti just like that and-

“I swear to God,” he says to no one. If anyone, himself. “Shut the fuck up. No one cares.” 

He’s tempted to turn over his phone, to see what Venti had sent him, but the irrational part of his brain tells him no , and foolishly, he listens. 

Xiao flips over a page in his textbook, eyes running over the questions the teacher of his maths class had assigned them all to answer but he can’t focus. So, he ends up staring unseeingly at it, mind bringing him to places he’s too much of a coward to go himself. 

“Argh!” he shouts, and flips over his phone, staring at what Venti had texted. 

Venti: xiao

Venti: can we please talk?

Xiao’s eyes widen almost comically. About what? His mind shouts, and his nails dig into the oak wood of his desk. Had- had Venti figured him out? Does Venti know the extent of his feelings towards him? Was he even being subtle? Did everyone know-

He buries his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut. He shoves the textbook away, his mind in too much disarray to focus on something as trivial as homework. 

There’s a knock on the door, and Xiao is filled with a sense of dread. “Hellooo?” Venti’s voice calls. Xiao freezes. “Xiao - are you in there? Can I come in?” 

Act, you fool! His mind orders and he stands up so quickly his chair falls down. He winces, but opens the door. “It’s your dorm too, you dumbass,” he says, relieved his voice doesn’t shake like he thought it would. Venti looks at him, his lips parted the tiniest bit. Xiao does not let his gaze stray there, and locks eyes with Venti. “What are you- what are you looking at?” 

“Can we talk?” Venti asks, his voice a little quieter than usual. 

“About what?” Xiao snaps, his tone much harsher than what he intended. Venti winces, the small smile on his face wavering. 

Venti inhales, taking a step forward. Without a thought, Xiao steps back, then regrets it as he sees the crestfallen look on Venti’s face. He takes a deep breath, then takes the tiniest step back forward, if only for the downcast expression Venti’s wearing to leave. He’s too beautiful for that, not that Xiao would admit that out loud. 

“About- um - about us…” Venti’s voice trembles the tiniest bit, the usual confidence that radiates of his very person diminishing in seconds. Xiao feels regretful, though doesn’t know what to do.

“What about us?” he asks, very sure his own voice is shaking. 

Venti reaches out with a trembling hand to brush his cheek. He cups Xiao’s chin gently in his hands and Xiao freezes completely, his eyes going wide. “V-Venti…” he whispers, shaking his head and seconds away from pulling away. His heart hammers against his chest, the thoughts he knows, he knows, he fucking knows reverberating through his head. Venti pauses, frowning. “Venti,” Xiao repeats. “You-you just broke up with Aether.” 

The boy laughs, though it sounds pained, and Xiao’s fears only worsen, his body shaking like a leaf. “Um, yeah. I know. But Xiao, you should know I-” He breaks off. “Xiao,” he whispers, leaning closer, his eyes boring into Xiao’s own. “Xiao, I- I really like you-”

Xiao shakes his head. He’s lying, a voice in his head jeers. He just broke up with another boy, don’t let him do the same to you-

You’re wrong, Xiao tells the voice, though he’s ashamed to admit he has the same doubts. Stop getting into my head- Venti he’s-he’s not like that-

“I need to go,” he blurts before even giving it a second thought. Venti flinches, his eyes going wide, and he pulls back. “No, I-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Venti whispers, trying to smile, though it looks so, so pained. Oh no, he thinks. He’s made a mistake- what- what should he do? What is he supposed to do? Oh no oh no oh no oh no- “I’m… I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair of me-”

“No, Venti, wait, I-” He can’t get the words out of his mouth. “Shit, Venti, I-”

“I won’t keep you waiting,” says Venti, and oh no, are those tears in his eyes? Fuck, no it’s not, what does he do, what does he do- “Um. Sorry.” He smiles again, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket. “Uh. I’ll be going.” 

“Venti, wait, I-” Xiao manages to shout but then he leaves the dorm, closing the door and Xiao’s all alone inside it, again . “Oh Gods,” he whispers, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. He’s not crying, he’s not , and even if he can’t admit that, he can at least admit that he should’ve said something sooner, and now Venti may not ever talk to him again, and he’ll still be in love with him and- Xiao stops that thought track, inhaling sharply. “Oh Gods, fuck , what have I done?” 

—

Jean: What was that?

Lisa: what was what

Lisa: oh fUCK WHY IS THERE SMOKE

Kaeya: wth happened

Kaeya: where’s the smoke loLPAlgak,cngh lcfugioasg;

Rosaria: what just happened to kaeya lmfao

Sucrose: ooh nno is he okk??

Albedo: ill go check on him

Albedo is offline

Jean: where’s the smoke coming from? I only heard a loud explosion-sounding noise, but I didn’t get to see the source

Childe: lmao did klee blow up something again

Jean: Klee is in solitary confinement, so she wouldn’t have been able to

Jean: we will find the source, everyone just remain safe and calm

Gorou: ik the source

Gorou: it’s from the kitchens

Zhongli: Oh no

Zhongli: gorou, who was in the kitchens?

Gorou: idk im not in that class now, i was only near it

Kokomi: i’m in it

Xiangling: me too!!

Kokomi: i don’t know how to say this but…

Yae Miko: ei exploded a toaster

Jean: what.

Lisa: LMFAO SHE DID WHAT

Ei: I’m sorry everyone

Ei: it seems i overestimated my cooking abilities

Zhongli: why do you even do cooking class? remember last time?

Ei: in my defense, i thought if i took the class, i could get better

Aether: what happened last time

Zhongli: it was a few years ago. Ei was over at our house, and we were baking for her school fair. She wanted to make the cupcakes herself, and then she almost burnt our house down

Hu Tao: OH i remember that!!

Hu Tao: the cupcakes were all burnt :’)

Hu Tao: they actually tasted ok though!!

Chongyun: you ate them??

Chongyun: hu tao, why

Hu Tao: AIYA DONT GIVE ME THAT

Hu Tao: but yeah ei sucks at cooking :P

Ei: 

Yae Miko: i’m sorry to agree, but she’s right

Ei: am i really that bad, miko?

Yae Miko: you’re not, but youre cooking skills are

Yae Miko: I still love you though

Yae Miko has deleted a message

Childe: we all saw that lmao

Yae Miko: you saw nothing

Ei: what did she delete?

Childe: everyone except ei saw that then lol

Yae Miko: nothing to worry you’re pretty little face about ei <3

Ei: ok

Shenhe: Why is there smoke?

Chongyun: backread :)

Shenhe: Thank you. I will.

Shenhe: Oh, I see.

Xingqiu: heyy yall what just happened there lol

Shenhe: Go die.

Xingqiu: LMAWHATppgauos9[uPY OT:AB

Yae Miko: oops~

Chongyun: what????

Shenhe: I do not like Xingqiu.

Xingqiu: WHAT WHY

Shenhe: You are very irritating, especially when you annoy, and play tricks on others. 

Xingqiu: 

Hu Tao: she’s got you there~

Chongyun: i dont find you irritating, xingqiu!!

Xingqiu: thank u yun yun <3

Chongyun: :)

Chongyun: <3

Xiangling: awwwww

Chongyun: what

Xingqiu: what

Xiangling: nothing~~

Xingqiu: WHAT

Xiangling: i told u- nothing!! Dont get your panties in a bunch

Xingqiu: WHARIFA<CUKDVLIy;kp’jo;hblvkj

Hu Tao: u broke him!!

Hu Tao: good job xiang xiang!!!

Xiangling: >:)

Childe: remind me to never mess with xiangling

Shenhe: Pfft. That was funny. He deserves it.

Xiangling: he does lmao

Jean: is the fire under control?

Ayaka: it is now!!

Kokomi: thankfully it wasn’t too bad, so it wasn’t too difficult to put out. 

Zhongli: ei

Ei: Yeah?

Zhongli: some advice?

Ei: sure

Zhongli: for the safety of all of us, please do not take cooking class ever again

Chapter Text

hopeless gays

Thoma: so…

Thoma: this is like a advice group??

Thoma: for hopeless gays right??

Mona: idk

Mona: venti just made that then fucked off and disappeared

Aether: he’s still alive

Mona: you’re still here?

Aether: yeah

Lumine: YOU BITCH JUST TALK TO HIM AND GET IT OVER WITH

Aether: FUCK OFF IM NOT

Lumine: DO IT YOU COWARD

Thoma: do what?

Lumine: confess to kazuha

Lumine: his crush

Yae Miko: aww

Aether: SHUT UP

Lisa: new ship: kazuther??

HU TAO: aethuza

Xingqiu: aeth-OOZE-a

Keqing: that contribution was not necessary

Aether: that’s not even how you spell his name

Aether: it would be aethzuha

Aether: or aezuha idk

Lisa: oh so he is interested

HU TAO: OUTED HA!!

Aether: AND SHUT UP I DONT LIKE HIM

Lumine: not at all?? 0-0

Aether: I DIDNT SAY THAT OF COURSE I LIKE HIM

Thoma: lmao imagine being that being that much of a simp

Aether: 😡😡😡

Lumine: oh he mad

HU TAO: u screwed up thoma

Thoma: oops

Aether: FUCK YOU TOO

Aether: JUST BC YOU ARENT AS OBVIOUS AS ME DOESNT MEAN WE DONT KNOW YOU SIMP FOR AYATO

Thoma:

Thoma: 

Yae Miko: i think you killed him

Aether: good

Yae Miko: he just dropped his phone next to me

Yae Miko: he looks a little like a fish

Yae Miko: fishboy.img

Lumine: “fishboy”

Xingqiu: “fishboy”

Keqing: omfg

Lisa: is that a positive ‘omfg’ or a negative ‘omfg’

Keqing: no comment

HU TAO: IT’S A POSITIVE ‘OMFG’ ^-^

Aether: hol’ up

Yae Miko: “hol’ up”

Lisa: tfw ur too lazy to add the ‘d’ but not the apostrophe

HU TAO: cant relate lmao

Aether: 😐

Lumine: BAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHA

Mona: um

Mona: u ok??

Lumine: nothin just high 😁😂🥰

Mona: can i join

Lisa: sure lol we’re in my dorm

Mona: k ill be there

Mona is offline

Aether changed Thoma’s name to fishboy

Aether: my revenge

Aether: you simpy wimpy poopoopants

Yae Miko: um

Yae Miko: ok?

Lumine: SHUT THE ACTUAL SHIT UP AETHIE WEATHIE 

Lumine: UR NOT FIVE U DONT CALL PEOPLE POOPOOPANTSES ANYMORE!!

Lisa: just call him fishboy LMAO

Lumine: ur so right 

Mona: hehe ur such a smart cookie

Childe: what the fuck

Childe: is this even mona

Mona: stfu ofc it is bitch

Childe: ok it is

fishboy: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS

Aether: YOU CALLED ME A SIMP

fishboy: well it’s the truth

Lumine: ye

Lumine: AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHjgkafs,hhaahahsha

fishboy: miko??

fishboy: change my name pls?

Yae Miko: cant rn getting high with the girls 😜

Lisa: !!!

Lisa: cant wait omg

Lumine: haHAHA COME ON GIRLS

HU TAO: im RIGHT HERE!!!!

Xingqiu: i wanna go

HU TAO: SORRY BAE NO CAN DO

Xingqiu: bae??

HU TAO: LDLK:AHDGFi.yLSVFA.

Xingqiu: …

Lisa: :)

Lisa: she’s right sorry my secret methods to getting high are exclusive :)

fishboy: ok that sounds a little messed up

Lisa: it’s not, trust me <3

fishboy: i dont

Lisa: ur loss

Childe: im rich

Childe: ill give u money if u let me get high with yall

Mona: YES

Mona: pls ill do anything lisa i need the money

Mona: we can just let him??

Lisa: um

Lisa: fine

Childe: awesome!! How much ;)

Aether: that wink was not necessary

fishboy: shut it simp

Aether: fishboy

Yae Miko: 👀👀

Mona: 4 million mora

Childe: WHAT

Mona: mhm

Childe: ok fine ive got the money

Lumine: yesyeysyeysyeyyesyeyeyeye cmon gurlz ahsjhasgaga

—

Diluc -> Jean

Diluc: can you hear that?

Jean: hear what?

Diluc: just a bunch of girls giggling their asses off

Jean: oh. 

Jean: Yes, I do.

Jean: it’s coming from the dorm next to mine

Diluc: im like across the opposite side of the dormitory and i can still hear it

Diluc: i need to sleep can you pls tell them to be quiet

Jean: that’s lisa’s dorm next to mind

Jean: so it’s probably her and some of the other girls

Jean: So, I won’t.

Jean: You can, though :)

Diluc: i just want to sleep

Jean is offline

Diluc: ugh

—

hopeless gays

Lisa: lmao guys

Mona: *gays

Lisa: yes yes gays i had an amazing idea

Aether: it’s 3am

Aether: let me SLEEP

Lumine: teehee

Keqing: you have to give in

Keqing: it’s the only way

Lisa: there’s no use trying to ahghf,vja

Aether: what

Lisa: sorry i fell off my bed lol

Mona: ahhahaahghsHAHAHAHHAHAH

Yae Miko: is ev eryone her e???

Childe: hwat is it

ITTO: IM HERE

Xingqiu: it’s 3 in the morning

Xingqiu: WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT

Beidou: yall got high???

Beidou: without ME

Lisa: u werent online

Lisa: otherwise u couldve joined ;)

Beidou: treu

Beidou: but SiTLL

Yae Miko: yall have shit spelling

Childe: oh i WNDER WIY

Childe: it gets so leta the lteters blur togeeefer

Yae Miko: lol

HU TAO: is that everyone??

Childe: no venti 😢

Aether: i havent heard from him for a while

Aether: he’s probably asleep like A SANE PERSOn

HU TAO: venti’s not sane tho Hahha

ITTO: WHAT’S THE IMPORTANT THING

fishboy: morning everyone

Aether: it’s free

Aether: *there

Mona: oop

Keqing: youll get there soon

Aether: **THERR

Aether: FCKU

Aether: ***THREE

fishboy: well done u know how to spell

Aether: idc fishboy

Lumine: aww do you have a booboo aethie weethie?? Are u upset???? AREAUPGOYICSFLVAHP NABJSAHBGJHAHHAHAHAHAh

Aether: what have you done to my sister

Aether: lisa what do u wnat

Lisa: i just had a brilliant thought

Lisa: ab thoma and ayato’s ship name

fishboy: wdym me and ayato?? were just friends lol

Yae Miko: like anyone believes that :P

fishboy: what about us HUH

Keqing: damnnnnn ahah

HU TAO: fishboy be there dealing blows lmaoo

Lumine: THOMY UR SO FUNNY AHHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHAA

fishboy: thanks ig????

Aether:

Lisa: ANYWAY

Lisa: ayato and thoma’s ship name would be

Mona: wait for it

Childe: wait for waht

ITTO: I AM WAITING WITH ANTISSIPATINE

Xingqiu: *anticipation

Xingqiu: dumbass

ITTO: LITERALLY NO ONE CARES YOU LITTLE TWINK NERD

Xingqiu: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME

ITTO: YOU HEARD ME

Xingqiu: I WILL BEAT YOU UP

ITTO: HA

ITTO: WITH WHAT

ITTO: THOSE LITTLE TWIGGY TWINK ARMS

Xingqiu: YOU’RE DEAD ITTO

Xingqiu: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAPOJGO:FAVPbiSG>YCUKXFS LJBK Smbsauhggajgsgasskhdjgahfsmsa

HU TAO: xingqiu finally lost it

HU TAO: i never thought id see the day 😝

Beidou: can yall tell us the ship name

Beidou: imma go back to sleep soon

Yae Miko: omg get ready for it

Lisa: THOMA AND AYATO’S SHIP NAME WOULD BE

Lisa: THOMATO

Lumine: LMFAO OAGUIYSCUTKVLIBHa{pOsihuogyftoxga’p[

Childe: that’s pretty good ngl

ITTO: THOMATO!!! LIKE TOMATO!!! BUT WITH BAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAh

fishboy:

Yae Miko: hahahahahahahahsakJHGVGHJah

HU TAO: THATS SO FUCKING GOOD OH MY FUCKING GODS AHHAHH

Mona: im crying from laughter LMFAO

Keqing: LMAO AHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Childe: 0_0

Childe: all the girls have just gotten high and lose it 

Beidou: that’s literally what getting high is dumbass

Beidou: wish i could be there 😭😭

Lisa: it’s never too late!!

Beidou: fuck sleep bye bitches

Beidou is offline

Lumine: AHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Aether: im mooting you all

Lisa: ‘mooting’

Yae Miko: ‘mooting’

Yae Miko: omfg

Aether: I MEANT MUTING STFU

Lumine: HHAHAHAHAHA DUMBASS

Aether has muted 11 people

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Kaeya: hangover cures needed NOW

Diluc: no.

Diluc: fuck off

Jean: Did you get drunk again, Kaeya?

Amber: i can see jean’s life force slowly seep away

Kaeya: being the mom friend of the group will do that to you

Jean: What did you call me?

Kaeya: i called you the mom friend lmfao

Jean: I’m not the mom friend. 

Amber:

Jean: Right Amber? Diluc?

Amber: um

Diluc: no comment

Kaeya: you really are one

Kaeya renamed Jean’s display name in ‘remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??’ to Mom™ Friend

Mom™ Friend: Kaeya. I swear to gods.

Amber: u screwed up big time kaeya

Diluc: please beat him up jean

Mom™ Friend: I won’t beat Kaeya up. I only request of you to change my name back. 

Kaeya: denied

Kaeya: UNLESS

Kaeya: YOU GIVE ME A HANGOVER CURE

Amber: so you DID get drunk

Lisa: hey yall

Lisa: what did i miss out on ahahahahha

Diluc: wtf is up with you

Lisa: rude

Lisa: im only a LITTLE high

Lisa: just a bit :DDDDDDDDDDDD

Amber: ok then very high

Mom™ Friend: So that’s what was happening in your dorm yesterday.

Kaeya: huh?? i was in a club with rosaria lmao what happened

Mom™ Friend: I’m too tired for this. 

Amber: what type of club??

Kaeya: 🤐

Kaeya: JEAN! HANGOVER CURES NOW!!

Mom™ Friend has attached a link

Mom™ Friend: there

Kaeya: THANK YOU

Amber: i bet you it was a strip club

Lisa: oh ofc

Lisa: kaeya always dresses like a slut he’d fit right in there :DDD

Kaeya: fuck you all i do NOT

Diluc: you do

Amber: yeah wtf is your wardrobe

Lisa: prolly from sluts r us or smth LMAO

Kaeya: I DONT DRESS LIKE A SLUT

Kaeya: IT’S CALLED STYLE, OK???

Diluc: is that what it is

Kaeya: SHUT UP MY HEAD IS SO FUCKING ACHING YALL ARENT HELPING

Kaeya: im done albedo can save me

Amber: yes! Go to your prince charming kaeya!!

Diluc: ugh

Diluc: love disgusts me

Kaeya: you disgust me

Kaeya is offline

Lisa: imma go and get more high byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mom™ Friend: LISA

Mom™ Friend: LISA NO

Mom™ Friend: WE HAVE SCHOOL

Amber: 👀👀

Diluc: idc about school im going back to sleep

Diluc is offline

Amber is offline

Lisa is offline

Mom™ Friend: oh my gods

Mom™ Friend is offline

—

Jean: it turns out it is Saturday today

Diluc: it is??

Childe: ofc check ur calendar

Diluc: who tf does that

Childe: me

Diluc: i hope you know i dont give a shit about you

Childe: :o

Ganyu: what’s everyone doing today??

Kaeya: recovering. my head is sore

Rosaria: you deserve it bitch

Albedo: that’s not exactly fair, is it??

Kaeya: ALBY YOUVE CAME TO SAVE ME <3333

Albedo: <3

Diluc: i will plot a new way to kill kaeya

Jean: No.

Diluc: fine. I will sleep

HU TAO: SELL SOME COFFINS PROLLY!!!

HU TAO: WITH YANFEI <3333333 MY SWEET

HU TAO: SO UH BYEEEE

HU TAO is offline

ITTO: IMMA SHOW SARA WHAT IM MADE OF!!! SHE WILL NOT WIN ANY LONGER

Gorou: you can do it

fishboy: peak enthusiasm

fishboy: i love it

Gorou: who…?

Ayaka: fishboy????

Yae Miko: fishboy.img

Ayaka: ah, thoma

Ayaka: lol

fishboy: hey

Ayato: hey

fishboy: HI

Yae Miko: poor boy’s whipped 

Lumine: mhm

Keqing: lol yeah

Ganyu: oh keqing!! Would you like to come to the cafe with me today?

Keqing: o oh sure id loVE to ty gan  y u

Lumine: ehe gay

Keqing: shut it lumine

Lumine: o_-

Aether: what

fishboy: what is that emoticon lol

Shenhe: Are we allowed to leave the school premises on days off of school?

Ningguang: yes, we just have to return before curfew, which on weekends is 10pm

Ningguang: weekdays is 7pm

Shenhe: Ah. I see. Thank you.

Ningguang: np

Shenhe is offline

Chongyun: i wonder where she’s going?

Xingqiu: why do you ask

Chongyun: oh she’s my cousin

Chongyun: i like met her for the first time last year

Aether: lmao remember how she told xingqiu to die

Xingqiu: DONT BRING THAT UP

Lumine: come to think of it…

Lumine: doesnt itto have a fight due with xingqiu

Chongyun: what

Kaeya: lol since when

ITTO: OH YEAH

ITTO: I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

Xingqiu: COME AT ME BITCH

ITTO: I WILL RIP YOUR LITTLE TWINK ARMS OFF YOUR BODY AND ATTACH THEM TO MY OWN BODY

Lisa: ew

Lumine: that’s low-key disgusting

Aether: also kinda hot

Lumine: what

Aether: what

Xingqiu: NOT IF I RIP YOUR HIMBO ARMS OFF FIRST AND ATTACH THEM TO MINE

Albedo: how fascinating… 

Jean: what the hell

Kaeya: yall would be like little bug boys LMAO

Lumine: there are three different types of people

Aether: is xingqiu even strong enough to carry itto’s arms along with his own teeny weeny body?

Beidou: four types of people

ITTO: 5PM TODAY

ITTO: THE SCHOOL COURTYARD

Xingqiu: ITS ON

Chongyun: xingqiu please be careful

Xingqiu: itto’s the one that needs to be careful

ITTO: PFFT SURE

—

Kaeya: omfg

Yanfei: what?

HU TAO: OOH what have we missed out on?? 👀👀

Kaeya: look

Kaeya: BREAKINGNEWS!!nerdbeatsuphimbo.vid

Lisa: ngl the file name made me wheeze

HU TAO: WHAT THE FUCK

HU TAO: TEENY TINY XINGQUI’S WINNING??!??!

Kujou Sara: itto you suck

ITTO: OW

ITTO: EVERYTHiNG fuCKING HURts

Kujou Sara: you deserve it bitch

Xingqui: THATS WHAT YOU GET

Beidou: has xingqiu became a bugman yet??

Xingqiu: what

Yanfei: what?

Kaeya: lol

Beidou: yknow

Beidou: the arm thing??

Xingqiu: not yet 😏😏

HU TAO: EWWW WHAT IS THAT EMOJI SUPPOSED TO MEAN

Xingqiu: 🐞

Kaeya: finally 

Kaeya: he has ascended

Kaeya: he was become one with the bug

Amber: im disgusted

Amber: yet also somewhat intrigued

Chongyun: he has not ascended

Chongyun: more descended to the ground in exhaustion of his win

Beidou: *become one with the ground

Beidou: @Kaeya

Beidou: PHOTO

beidou’s son: what is happening

Aether: KAZUHA

Aether: I HAVENT HEARD FROM YOU IN DAYS

Aether: WHERE WERE YOU

Beidou: the gay boy has been summoned

beidou’s son: what?

Beidou: dont worry, my child

beidou’s son: i apologise for being offline, aether

beidou’s son: i have been… evading capture

Aether: oh ok

Aether: i missed u

beidou’s son: thank you, aether. i appreciate the sentiment :)

Beidou: from who

Beidou: tell me they’re name and i’ll beat em up

beidou’s son: there’s no need

beidou’s son: i’d just rather remain undetected :)

HU TAO: i sometimes forget kazu’s a fugitive

Yanfei: he’s a what

HU TAO: idk why but dear kazu is a fugitive and ran away to attend our school for some reason

beidou’s son: i would explain why but… the matters are sensitive

Ei: what matters are sensitive?

beidou’s son is offline

Beidou: you scared him away :’(

Ei: what did I do?

Kaeya: holy shit

Kaeya: my brain has grown i am a genius

Ei: what?

Yanfei: lol what

Beidou: kae are u drunk again

Kaeya: did you know there is the name ei in two other people’s names??

Kaeya: b ei dou and b ei dou’s son

Beidou: that’s not his name dumbass 

Ei: why did we need to know that

Kaeya: idk it just seemed smart

—

Venti -> Xiao

Venti is online

Venti is typing…

Venti is offline

—

hopeless gays

Lumine: hey yall

Lumine: i have a question

Childe: shoot

HU TAO: HAIII BESTIE!!! WHATS THE QUESTION????????

fishboy: what is it?

Beidou: 👁👁

Lumine: well 2

Childe: i told u before

Childe: SHOOT

Childe: what is it

Lumine: 1. do yall think i can get a girlfriend before aeth can get a boyfriend

Aether: HEY

Beidou: i mean yeah

Beidou: ur a lesbian, we’re just so much more powerful than the gays 

Childe: i 

Childe: i cant argue with that logic

HU TAO: well ofc not it’s the truth!

fishboy: i agree too

fishboy: us gays pine for a bf for milennia while lesbians just up and get their gfs

fishboy: then mock us afterwards for still being signal

Yae Miko: exactly :)

Aether: EX FUCKING SCUSE ME

Aether: I COULD GET A BOYFRIEND EASILy

Childe: sorry man

Childe: but ive gotta agree with lumine here

Lumine: ty

Lumine: SECOND QUESTION

Lumine: should i add zhongli on this chat

HU TAO: lol sure

Childe: why would you add zhongli to this chat

Childe: he’s straight lol

Beidou:

Beidou: ur kidding

Childe: wdym???

Childe: he is straight, right?? Hahahahah

fishboy: wth

HU TAO: bitch zhongli is gay

HU TAO: it’s not exactly a secret :P

Childe: WHAT

Childe: SO I HAVENT BEEN PINING FOR A STRAIGHT GUY SINCE I JOINED THIS SCHOOL

Aether: OMFG

Childe: NO

Childe: YOU SAW NOTHINg

Yae Miko: 👀👀

HU TAO: HOLY SHIT

HU TAO: SINCE HE JOINED

HU TAO: TWO FUCKING YEARS. ALMOST THREE OMFG 

Childe: HOW DO i DelETE STUPID FCKING MESSAges

HU TAO: TOO LATE EVERYONE’S SEEn

HU TAO has sent a screenshot

Childe: DELETE THAT

HU TAO: DONT KNOW HOW LOL

fishboy: since the beginning of high school

fishboy: that’s like four years wth man

Childe: mIKO HOW DO I DELETE

Yae Miko: cant tell sorry 😉

Childe: FUCK

Lumine: yknow what imma add him

Aether: LMFAO YES

Childe: NO

Childe: NO HE CANT KNOW

Beidou: he’s gay

Beidou: ur gay

Beidou: you have nothing to be afraid of

Childe: THERE IS EVERYTHING TO BE AFRAID OF

Lumine added Zhongli to the chat

Childe: STOP

Zhongli: hello… hopeless gays??

Lumine: hi

Yae Miko: omg zhongli

Zhongli: hi miko

Lumine: no hi to me?? D:

Zhongli: hi lumine

Childe: h

Childe: hI ZHONGGKLI

Zhongli: hello childe :)

Childe: how r uu???

Zhongli: i am good, thanks

Zhongli: what about you?

Childe: aheh me too tHANKS

Childe: excuse me

Childe is offline

Zhongli: lumine, if i may ask

Zhongli: why did you add me to this chat??

HU TAO: bc ur hopeless

HU TAO: and gay i think??

Zhongli: i am gay, yes :)

HU TAO: @Childe get online right now

Zhongli: i presume everyone else in this chat is as well?

fishboy: you presume correctly!!

Zhongli: …and you are?

fishboy: thoma

Zhongli: oh, one of the new students

Childe: hu tao WHAT

HU TAO: backread ;)

Childe: what why

Childe: o oh

Childe: um

Childe: COOL

Zhongli: what is??

HU TAO: that you’re gay!!!

HU TAO: childe absolutely LOVES some of his gay friends

HU TAO: and you’re one of them!

Zhongli: oh? well, that is nice to know :)

Zhongli: thank you, childe :D

Childe: hehe npp

Childe is offline

—

HU TAO -> Childe

HU TAO: imagine being in love being in love with a man who is an absolute blockhead

Childe: SHUT UP

HU TAO: cant sorry lmfao

HU TAO: BUT

HU TAO: CHILDE YOU NEED NOT FEAR

HU TAO: I CAN HELP YOU IN THE VAST AND TREACHEROUS JOURNEY OTHERWISE KNOWN AS LOVE

Childe: please dont

HU TAO: oh pshhh you know you need my help

HU TAO: THANKFULLY i am free from work so ill spend my free time being your wingwoman

Childe: what

Childe: hu tao NO DONT

HU TAO: TOO LATE I HAVE YOUR FIRST NOT-DATE-BUT-ACTUALLY-A-DATE PLANNED OUT

HU TAO: ILL EXPLAIN IT ALL TOMORROW :D

HU TAO is offline

Childe: NO

Childe: HU TAO NO PLEASE

Chapter Text

HU TAO -> Childe:

HU TAO: SO

HU TAO: are you ready for take off in your GRAND adventure in LOVE

Childe: i will block you

HU TAO: AIYA NOOO YOU WOULDNT DO THAT

Childe: i would

Childe: i can

HU TAO: so what you’re saying IS

HU TAO: you DONT want zhongli as your boyfriend??

HU TAO: is that what i’m hearing?? 🙄🙄

Childe:

HU TAO: ALRIGHT!!!

HU TAO: AFTER SCHOOL TODAY MEET ME IN THE LIBRARY

HU TAO: WE HAVE LOTS OF PLANNING TO DO!!!

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Kaeya has added Albedo to the chat

Lisa: did albedo even go to mondstadt primary school??

Mom™ Friend: i think i saw him around…

Amber: Oh! I did too

Amber: like once tho i think he was only there for a year or smth before going to the PRESTIGIOUS sumeru academy place 😑

Albedo: hi

Kaeya: i added him cause he’s my boyfriend

Kaeya: and yeah he was there for like a year 

Mom™ Friend: i knew you seemed familiar when i saw you again at teyvat high the first year

Albedo: yeah, i moved schools at like Grade 3

Lisa: then you moved back here?

Albedo: you did the same

Lisa: ik but still

Lisa: i came back in middle school!

Albedo: true

Kaeya: ily albedo <3

Albedo: i love you too <3

Kaeya: i love you MORE

Albedo: no i love YOu more

Kaeya: <3

Albedo: <333

Kaeya: <3333333

Albedo: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Kaeya: ❤💖💕💖💕💕💗💝💙💛💚❤🧡💙💙💛

Amber: ALRIGHT WE GET IT

Amber: YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY AND IN LOVE

Amber: YOU DONT NEED TO FLAUNT IT IN OUR FACES

Albedo: :)

Lisa: that seems kinda passive aggressive albedo

Lisa: but yeah amber’s right

Mom™ Friend: 

Mom™ Friend: Mhm.

Kaeya: what

Kaeya: amber you were so happy for me

Kaeya has attached 3 screenshots

Amber: that was before

Amber: before i realised how gay you two could be

Lisa: it’s truly hard to tolerate

Kaeya: like you can talk

Kaeya: all you speak to me about is a certain someone 👀👀

Lisa: kaeya.

Lisa: would you like to repeat yourself?

Albedo: please dont hurt my boyfriend lisa

Mom™ Friend: Let's calm down, everyone.

Kaeya: alrightyo! 

Albedo: ily kaeya

Albedo: but please never say that again

Kaeya: noted

Amber: wait LISA

Amber: who is that certain SOMEONE???

Amber: oh I WONDER

Mom™ Friend: I’m unaware too you had a crush, Lisa.

—

mondstadt high except there’s no jean

Kaeya: omfg

Kaeya: i think i just died

Amber: im crying

Lisa: YOU KNOW YOU BITCH

Amber: i do but jean doenst

Amber: *doesnt

Diluc: what happened

Amber: check the other gc for mondstadt high

Diluc: ok.

Diluc is offline

Lisa: NO

Lisa: i hate you all

Kaeya: he’s literally in the chat he’d see it anyway

Kaeya: dont worry lisa

Kaeya: youll get a gf one day

Lisa: I DONT WANT TO HEAR THIS FROM YOU

Kaeya: ;)

Lisa:

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Lisa: i do have a crush

Mom™ Friend: Oh?

Mom™ Friend: if you don’t mind me asking, who is it?

—

mondstadt high except there’s no jean

Kaeya: do it

Kaeya: tell her

Lisa: alright imma do it

Amber: YES

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Lisa: well, i’ve had a crush on this person for a while

Lisa: we’ve known each other for a long time

Lisa: and um. 

Lisa: yeah

Lisa: i just really really really like them 

Mom™ Friend is typing…

—

mondstadt high except there’s no jean

Lisa: NEVERMIND I CANT DO IT

Diluc: oh my fucking god

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Mom™ Friend: i hope and whoever you like find happiness, lisa. you deserve it :)

Lisa: uh huh

Lisa: uh huh yeah same i

Lisa: i do too

Lisa: ty jean :)

Lisa: that’s really nice of you to say

Mom™ Friend: think nothing of it.

Mom™ Friend: it’s just what i think :D

—

mondstadt high except there’s no jean

Kaeya: WE’RE THE GAYER COUPLE???

Kaeya: SERIOUSLY??

Kaeya: ALBY AND I??

Diluc: you literally just called him ‘alby’

Kaeya: FUCK OFF WE’RE IN LOVE

Kaeya: HAVE YOU ALSO CHECKED THE DISASTER LESBIAN THAT IS LISA ON THE OTHER CHAT WITH OUR OBLIVIOUS FRIEND JEAN

Amber: im going to cry this is hard to watch

Albedo: truly is

Diluc: i need to bleach my eyes

Diluc: since when has lisa gotten this bad

Kaeya: i never thought id agree with you but SAME holy shit

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Lisa: hey um, jean?

Mom™ Friend: Yes?

Lisa: can you uh join me in the library at lunch today?

—

mondstadt high except there’s no jean

Amber: OMFG GUYS

Amber: SHE’S DOING IT

Kaeya: HOLY SHIT YES

Albedo: istg she better not chicken out last minute

Diluc: you guys have way too much faith in her

Amber: SHUSH WE NEED TO SEE THIS

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Mom™ Friend: of course. Could I ask why?

Lisa: i need to

Lisa: talk to you

—

mondstadt high except there’s no jean

Amber: I AM WAITING WITH ANTICIPATION

Kaeya: I THINK SHE’S GONNA DO IT

Diluc: i take back what i said she probably will

Albedo: 

Albedo: sure

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Lisa: because i have to sort the books

Lisa: and it’s boring by myself. And tiring

Lisa: and besides, you’re great company AND my friend! 

—

mondstadt high except there’s no jean

Kaeya: no

Kaeya: she did NOT just friendzone her crush

Diluc: i have lost all hope in humanity

Amber: oop

Amber: diluc you good??

Diluc: barely

Amber: oKAY then

Albedo: brb ill just go yell at for a second

Kaeya: great idea babe

Albedo: <3

Kaeya: <3

Amber: WE GET IT YOUR HAPPY AND IN LOVE

Amber: STOP BULLYING US SINGLES WITH UR HEALTHY POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP

—

Albedo -> Lisa

Albedo: i cant believe you

Albedo: you FRIENDZONED her

Albedo: im so disappointed

Lisa: hey dont give me that

Lisa: one day

Lisa: i will confess

Lisa: or get over my feelings

Albedo: istg 

—

remember our past?? the school also known as mondstadt primary school??

Mom™ Friend: i’d be more than happy to :)

Lisa: OH

Lisa: im glad to hear ty :)

Mom™ Friend: it’s no problem, you’re my friend, i'm always happy to help you out or keep you company

—

mondstadt high except there’s no jean

Kaeya: no

Kaeya: no

Kaeya: this isn’t real

Kaeya: this is some awful sick and twisted reality

Diluc: i’ll slap you to see if your awake or asleep

Kaeya: YOU BETTER FUCKING NOT

Amber: brb gonna cry for a moment

Amber: lisa i hope you know we’re all disappointed in you

Albedo: dw

Albedo: she already knows :)

Kaeya: :D

Albedo: 💖💖

Kaeya: 💖💖💖💖💖💖

Diluc: ugh

Lisa: I GET IT

Lisa: IM A COWARD

Diluc: yeah

Diluc: i’ll talk to jean

Diluc: help her stop being so oblivious ig

Diluc is offline

Kaeya: i gtg alby and i are going on a date

Albedo: we are <3

Amber: it’s the middle of the school day but ok!

Amber: have a fun date you guys 

Kaeya: we will ;)

Kaeya is offline

Albedo is offline

Amber: have fun with you’re not-date-but-also-definitely-a-date lisa!!!

Amber is offline

Lisa:

—

(Former) Inazuma High Students

Gorou: does anyone know where itto is

Gorou: ever since that fight with that xingqiu kid he’s been

Gorou: not online

Ayato: probably recovering from getting beat up by a nerd lmfao

fishboy: yeah why do you ask lol

Gorou: idk just wondering 

Gorou: cause he sent me ‘help’ but when i asked why he never replied

Ayaka: what happened to itto?

Ayato: oh no is he dead or smth?

Yoimya: OOPS

Ayaka: what’s that supposed to mean

Yoimiya: NOTHING OFC

Yoimiya: JUST UHHHH

Yoimiya: HES NOT DEAD

Gorou: then where is he

Gorou: is itto ok??

Ayato: has itto ever been ok

fishboy: lol ur right

Ayato: i always am

Yoimiya: HES NOT NOT OKAY

Yoimiya: WE WERE JUST SETTING OFF FIREWORKS

Ayaka: illegally?

Yoimiya:

Yoimiya: ANYWAY WE WERE SETTING OFF FIREWORKS AND HE GOT TOO CLOSE AND IT EXPLODED AND GOT REALLY THEN HE FELL IN A RIVER

Yoimiya: AND JUST GOT DRAGGED AWAY BY THE CURRENT

Ayaka: and you let him??

Gorou: WHAT exactly happened??

Yoimiya: NO 

Yoimiya: I GOT TOO CLOSE TO BUT PASSED OUT IN THE FOREST

Yoimiya: WHEN I WOKE UP HE WAS GONE

Ayato: oh gods

Ayato: do we have to search for itto now

Ayato: in a strange forest you were illegally setting off fireworks in??

Yoimiya: IT WASNT 

Yoimiya: EXACTLY

Yoimiya: ILLEGAL

Yoimiya: BUT YEAH WE HAVE TO SEARCH FOR HIM MEET YOU OUT OF THE SCHOOL IN TEN MINS

—

everyone in the entire fucking grade

Yoimiya: HEY EVERYONE

Yoimiya: UH ITTO’S GONE MISSING AND WE NEED TO SEARCH FOR HIM

Yoimiya: IF YOU WANT TO HELP WE’LL BE LEAVING THE SCHOOL IN TEN TO SEARCH FOR HIM

Mona: what exactly happened to itto

Gorou sent a screenshot

Childe: um

Childe: you guys what exactly

Yoimiya: WE WERE SETTING OFF FIREWORKS

Yoimiya: AND THEN WE GOT IN A BIIIIIT OF A PICKLE

Xingqiu: we should leave him in the forest

Xingqiu: why bother searching for him

Gorou: um

HU TAO: lmao SAVAGE

Yoimiya: XINGQIU PLEASE

Yoimiya: WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET

Xingqiu: why should i

Yoimiya: UHH

Yoimiya: YOU CAN BEAT HIM UP AGAIN

Xingqiu: i’ll help find him right away!

Xingqiu is offline

Childe: 0_0

Childe: that’s only the tiniest bit sadistic

Chongyun: wait for me, xingqiu, i’ll help too!!

Chongyun is offline

HU TAO: GAY~

HU TAO: aw man he’s offline

HU TAO: o(〒﹏〒)o

Childe:

Childe is offline

HU TAO: HIM TOO??!!?!?

Yoimiya: SO UH

Yoimiya: WHOSE IN

HU TAO: I AM 

Gorou: so am i

Ayato: lmfao sure

Mona: no

Mona is offline

Amber: i’ll help!!

Aether: same

Ganyu: i will too :)

Bennett: i would help

Bennett: but i’m still in hospital :(

Bennett: i hope itto’s ok!!

Aether: i hope UR okay benny

Bennett: oh i am!! Ill be out by the end of the week :D

Aether: YES

Aether: LETS FUCKING GO

Mona is offline

Mona: omg yes cant way to see you again

Mona is offline

Bennett: so am i!

Bennett: i hope itto’s ok!

Bennett is offline

Kujou Sara: i dont.

Kokomi: :(

Kujou Sara: what

Kokomi: i mean

Kokomi: itto can be,,, difficult at times, but that’s not exactly fair is it?

Kujou Sara:

Kujou Sara: i… suppose you are right

Kokomi: :)

Kokomi: want to help me search for him, sara?

Kujou Sara: sure

Kujou Sara and Kokomi are offline

Lisa: Actual Lesbians

Yae Miko: omg

Yae Miko: that’s adorable

Lisa: ikr

Xiangling: i’ll help!!

Xinyan: same

Xingqiu: it’ll be like a date in the forest

Xinyan: arent you going with chongyun to search for itto? 

Xiangling: 🤔

Xingqiu: AS FRIENDS

Chongyun: huh

Lisa: lmfao

Xingqiu: NOTHINg

Xingqiu: LETS JUST GO AND SEARCH 

Chongyun: ok ig

Chongyun and Xingqiu are offline

Childe: hey @Zhongli

Zhongli: yes Childe?

Childe: d o you want to search fo r itto wiith me???

Zhongli: of course :)

Zhongli: @Yoimiya 

Zhongli: where do you think Itto is? 🤔

Yoimiya: YKNOW THE FOREST NEAR THE SCHOOL??

Albedo: oh my gods

Albedo: that one is huge

Albedo: don’t tell me he’s in there?

Yoimiya: WELL UM

Yoimiya: MAYBE

Albedo: we should leave him there

Albedo: we’ll never see him again

Yoimiya: HEY

Yoimiya: HE’S LIKE MY BESTIE WE CANT LEAVE HIM THERE

Ayaka: i’ll help!!

Albedo: i wont

Albedo is offline

Kaeya: i mean itto’s cool and all but like

Kaeya: i have a bf

Kaeya: i dont wanna die out there

Kaeya: tell me how it goes ;)

Kaeya is offline

Yoimiya: TY AYAKA YOURE THE BEST :DDD

Ayaka: np :)

Jean: I will help as well

Jean: it wouldn’t bode well for the student council to sit idly by while a student is missing

Ningguang: in that case, I’ll come as well

Beidou: me too

Beidou: see you there babe ;))

Ningguang: 

Ningguang: u um

Ningguang is offline

Yoimiya: TY EVERYONE WHOSE GONNA COME HELP

Yoimiya: ILL SEE YOU ALL THERE

Yoimiya: HOPEFULLY WE FIND ITTO

—

everyone in the entire fucking grade

Kaeya: how long have they been gone for lmfao

Albedo: i have no idea

Kaeya: are they lost or smth

Albedo: probably

Sucrose: AHH

Albedo: what?

Sucrose: OH ssorry albedo, i just heard a scream from outside the school

Kaeya: omfg

Albedo: oh no

—

everyone in the entire fucking grade

Bennett: it’s evening now

Bennett: is itto ok??

Diluc: they havent came back yet

Diluc: so im guessing the search isnt going that well

Keqing: @EVERYONE

Keqing: where the HELL is ganyu??

Diluc: wdym

Keqing: she’s not answering any of my texts

Keqing: or my calls

Bennett: oh no T_T

Diluc: i dont wanna explain it

Diluc: just backread

Keqing: ok,,,?

Bennett: i hope ganyu’s okay

Keqing: what the FUCK

Keqing: YOU JUST LET GANYU GO INTO THE FOREST WHICH HAS BASICALLY NEVER HAD PEOPLE INSIDE IT BEFORE

Keqing: TO SEARCH FOR SOME STUPID FUCKING HIMBO

Diluc: and everyone else

Keqing: shut it.

Keqing: idc what you have to say 

Keqing: im going to search for her

Keqing is offline

—

everyone in the entire fucking grade

Razor: what is this

Razor has sent a photo

Gorou: you found him!!

Bennett: IT’S ITTO

Bennett: I THINK

Bennett: good job razor!!! <333

Razor: <3

Yoimiya: YOU FOUND HIM!?!??!?!?!??!??!!

Razor: ye

Yoimiya: OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH RAZOR!!!

Yoimiya: I REALLY OWE IT TO YOU

Yoimiya: I HAVE A TEENSY TINY QUESTION FOR YOU

Razor: what

Yoimiya: COULD YOU PLEASE CARRY HIM OUT OF THE FOREST FOR ME?? 

Yoimiya: MOSTLY BC I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE

Yoimiya: or where i am

Razor: ok

Razor is offline

Childe: OH MY GOD

Childe: THE INTERENET

Childe: ITS RETURNED

Zhongli: it has

Childe: HOW TF DO WE GET OUT OF HERE

Zhongli: i think we are lost

Bennett: what?? 😨😰😰

Yoimiya: AH

Yoimiya: ME TOO

Yoimiya: AND AYAKA SHE’S HERE WITH ME

Gorou: same

Gorou: wait ayaka i think i heard you scream

Ayaka: no that was yoimiya

Gorou: can you scream again?? So i can find you??

Yoimiya: OK!!!

Ayaka: :)

Albedo: why does it sound like someone’s getting murdered?

Albedo: oh

Yoimiya: YOU CAN HEAR US??

Yoimiya: THAT MEANS WE’RE NEAR

Albedo: i can literally see you

Albedo: the school is right behind you

Yoimiya: IT IS??