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Tonight, I dream of a castle. I sit atop an ornate throne, red velvet spilling over my shoulders. I must be royalty or something, as every movement is weighted with gold and jewels from my wrists, my fingers. An identical throne sits beside mine, similarly adorned with symbols of wealth. My sister sits there, leaning to one side and looking terribly bored.
“Aether, dear,” she says, picking at a spare thread on her gown, “Will we be able to roam the castle anytime soon?”
“The knights will return tonight,” I say automatically– no matter how many dreams I have, I never get used to how my mind and body will just act beyond my control. “The spy will be captured, I am sure of it.”
So, we are not just royalty, but we are royalty for a kingdom with enemies. I am intrigued at how this dream will move forward.
Hours pass, though they move like minutes to me. Night falls before long, the sun rising high into the sky and dropping below the horizon like a time lapse. Lumine grows restless beside me; no matter what world I dream of, if she’s there, she always hates to sit still. I occupy myself with examining my accessories, hoping to find a hint of anything through it, ultimately finding nothing in particular.
Finally, the doors burst open. “Your highnesses!” one of the knights calls. Several men in armour flank the sides of the door, filing in one by one to form a line to the throne. Four knights walk down the centre, two bringing in a woman by the arms. One of the two accompanying knights is dressed differently, their face blurred like a mistake in a painting. I sit up with interest.
“This was the spy?” Lumine says, looking down at the wretched woman as she is tossed to my feet, wrists and ankles tied. I inspect the woman as well; her hair is wild and ratted and her clothes are dark and otherworldly. “She looks more like a witch to me.” Lumine continues, crossing her arms. The woman glares at her from where she lays on her side.
The blurred knight steps forward, bowing politely in my presence before speaking. “Your highness,” they begin, their voice muffled and layered like several people speaking at once, “She was the one causing the fire by the east castle gates. We have yet to discover how.”
I am tempted to applaud them for their efforts, but I still feel uneasy. “Take her to the dungeons,” I order– though my act of caution comes too late.
The woman’s hands glow, ripping the ropes that bind her with ease. She jumps to her feet and laughs, a horrid, cackling sound that grates your ears as she holds her palms out towards me. “Leading me right to the future king–!” she howls, a bright purple crackling energy charging at her fingertips. I cannot do anything but brace myself; the throne is too big for me to jump out of and there is nothing to use as a shield.
“Your highness!” says the layered voice again. I peek between my fingers to see the blurred knight– my soulmate – tackle the witch to the ground. It all happens too fast for the knight to draw their sword; upon impact, the witch fires her energy bolt straight into the chest of my knight, blasting them across the room. They land lifelessly as the other knights rush to subdue the witch.
The threat gone, I get to my feet without thinking and run as fast as I can to my knight, kneeling by their side. “No, no–” I say tearfully, cradling their head in my hands. They don’t respond, and I cannot see if their eyes are open or shut. But with no movement from them, I have to accept that they’re gone.
I let out a wail that echoes in the throne room, compounded with every ounce of grief I have experienced watching my soulmate die over and over in my dreams.
There’s another new person at my new job today. His name is Diluc, apparently, and he’ll be working with building security. He’s in his early 20s like me, saving up money for school.
I can’t help but think about the dream of my knight. Working with security means protecting me, right? My heart flutters at the thought of meeting him.
I don’t end up meeting him until lunch when I head downstairs. He’s hard to miss; bright red, long fluffy hair pulled back in a ponytail. He looks good in his security uniform; I’m suddenly thankful that the building is ritzy enough to require a suit.
“Hi, I’m Aether,” I say, introducing myself. I must seem obnoxiously hopeful, as Diluc greets me back with maybe a fifth of the enthusiasm.
We chat for a while, and it becomes glaringly obvious that he’s not my knight. But he seems to like good food and he invites me to join him for dinner sometime next week. He’s cute when he’s shy.
I accept, because why not? We both know it won’t go anywhere.
Tonight, I dream of the night sky. It is abstract and short; my vision is too clouded with the galaxies to see anything properly. I radiate heat from within me, my arms stretched out to share it with all.
I float, suspended in space. I sit stationery, watching the world pass by around me. Others crave my warmth, others can’t even get close enough. My golden robes drape well below my feet as I curl up in spot, waiting.
I do not know what I wait for until I see it.
An eclipse. Someone gravitates towards me, a hand outstretched with yearning, dark blue robes trailing behind them. I reach back, knowing that our meeting happens rarely and for mere moments.
Our hands touch, fingers lacing together. They squeeze my hand before slipping their own even closer, as if testing the waters. It feels right. “Finally,” I breathe.
I dare not waste any time. I bring them close and press my lips to theirs using instinct alone, as I still cannot see their face.
Already, I can feel them pulling away. They have to go, but I will see them again. They whisper their farewell in my ear as they drift off.
I curl up once more and wait.
“This is Kaeya,” my sister says, bringing her new friend over to our table. “Kinda wild, I didn’t expect us to be at the same restaurant.”
I look over and somehow see the moon personified. Dark blue hair, ice blue eyes, dressed in cool tones from his boots to his scarf; the only warmth is in his skin. I smile and hold a hand out to shake.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Aether, Lumine’s brother,” I say. He slides his hand into mine and does a cursory squeeze before gripping my hand for a proper shake. It sends sparks from my fingertips through my arm.
Kaeya looks me over somewhat like I’m a piece of meat, but I don’t mind. “Told you your brother would be more my style,” he says teasingly to Lumine. She swats his shoulder and he laughs, rich and charming.
Hm. He’s not my soulmate. “Am I, now?” I reply, lifting an eyebrow.
“Certainly are, handsome. Can I get your number?” Kaeya counters. I’m certain that he’s a good guy under whatever flirtatious exterior.
I let out a tired exhale, but I don’t take the bait just yet. “Sure. Lumine, give it to him if you think he deserves it.”
Tonight, I dream of a playground. I am much smaller to the ground than usual; I’m not old by any means, but even my limbs feel younger and more spry. I spot the jungle gym out of the corner of my eye and I run over to it.
A tiny voice calls out after me. “Aether–!”
I look back and see a blurred face running to catch up to me. They hold out a caterpillar in their hands. “Look what I found!” they say. I don’t like bugs but I humour them and take a good look, inspecting the caterpillar as it crawled around in their palm.
“It’s cute!” I say, giving it a light pat on the head. “You like bugs a lot, huh?”
They’re smiling behind the hazy filter on their face. “I do! They’re really neat!” they say.
I can’t see it, but I know their smile must be beautiful.
I blink and I’m suddenly in a high school hallway, my back against the lockers as I sit on the ground.
“You got detention again?” I ask in disbelief. “C’mon, what for this time?”
They exhale quietly. They don’t want to be having this conversation. “I accidentally skipped class again. I was too focused on my project for Chemistry Club.”
My gaze flickers to where their hand is, pulling the collar of their hoodie to loosen it’s tension around their neck. In my dreams, their throat hasn’t been visible for a while, so I haven’t seen the diamond shaped birthmark on it in quite some time. I want to touch it, kiss it, feel it under my fingers.
I look at my childhood friend, someone I know better than I even know myself. “Well, wanna get pizza after detention?” I offer.
They snort. “Sure,” they say. The bell rings and we stand up– it’s so hard not to just kiss them when we’re practically the same height– and head to class together.
I know this one isn’t my soulmate right off the bat, but Lumine insists that I try anyway. He’s been bugging her for a date and he swings any way, so why not?
I’m beginning to think that I’m just a consolation prize for the bisexual guys who got rejected by Lumine. But alright, why not.
Either way, there are a few glaring errors to begin with. She shows me a picture of him on her phone. He’s handsome for sure, just the right amount of rugged with fluffy ginger hair and blue eyes. His name is Ajax and he’s also looking for his soulmate. Instantly, I spot that there is no birthmark on his throat.
“You have to remember that like, any physical features aren’t always going to be on your actual soulmate,” Lumine chides, flicking to another picture of the guy holding a massive fish and grinning like an idiot.
“They’ve always had it though, at least whenever I’ve seen their neck. I’m certain at least something will be there,” I insist. I roll my eyes as she swipes to a new picture, this one of Ajax flexing in front of a mirror at the gym. “Plus, he looks like he’s at least 6’0”. My soulmate has always been around my height.”
Lumine sighs and tosses her phone down. “You won’t know for sure that you’ve seen your soulmate until you’ve met them. Then their face will appear in your dream. So why not just meet as many people as you can?”
She’s right. I give it a try anyway.
“I don’t think you’re it,” Ajax says immediately upon seeing me.
“Oh, thank god.”
We settle in for dinner at the restaurant we reserved; a table on the patio, nice and fancy and on Ajax’s dime. We talk about the dreams we’ve had. I’ve always thought it was funny how much I recalled from my dreams, considering how I’m in my late 20s and I haven’t met my soulmate yet. Ajax recounts the ones he remembers, not able to capture any detail except for the fact that his soulmate has long hair and a demanding presence.
I tell him that I’ll keep an eye out, however helpful that might be. Ajax thanks me gratefully and says he will do the same. Then his attention snaps to a moth on a nearby tree and he nearly shrieks.
“Not a fan of bugs?” I say, amused.
The moth flies away, sweeping low over Ajax’s head as it goes. He whimpers, covering his hair. “Ugh, I hate them!”
As if I’m not already certain it’s not him. At least I made a friend.
Tonight, I dream of a museum. I walk through the halls, the sound of my footsteps resonating against the tall ceilings. The walls are covered with paintings of things, sceneries, ideas. My feet take me to a painting hung in the centre island. Its set up is complete with spotlights ensuring that the whole painting could be viewed at the optimal lighting, a rope fence to keep visitors from walking too close.
I smile at myself. The painting is of me. I am portrayed with a beauty that I can never see of myself, one that only my artist can see of me. I know nothing of painting technique but even I can sense the years of practice behind each brushstroke and expert application of colour.
It’s surreal, standing here. I hear footsteps behind me; a hand rests on my shoulder.
“You’ve seen this already, haven’t you?” says the artist of the painting.
“I know,” I say, snaking my hand around their waist and pulling them close. Their steps fall into place so easily. “I could look at it forever.”
They laugh quietly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Narcissist.”
A smile breaks out on my face. “If you make that collection of just paintings of me, I just might become one.”
We laugh; I pull their face towards me and kiss them sweetly like we’re the only people for miles around. I want to see their face so badly.
“I’m stuck, really,” they whisper between kisses. “You’re too beautiful to keep to myself, too beautiful to share.”
My finger trails down their blurred out cheek to their jawline, where the haze ends. I trace their diamond shaped birthmark with my fingertip. “Can’t have everyone falling in love with me?” I tease.
“No,” they say. This time, they kiss me and press their forehead to mine. “That would make this difficult.”
I make a questioning noise as they pull apart and reach into their back pocket. They produce a small box from it. My heart races.
“ Oh.” My hands clap over my mouth, my sight going blurry as my soulmate sinks down to one knee and holds the box open.
“Aether, will you be my muse forever?”
I am so tired of romance and dreams, I think. I wake up with heartache whether I dream of my soulmate or not. I sit up in bed, tears welling up in my eyes– residual from the dream or fresh from frustration, I don’t know.
Honestly. I envy those who can ignore the existence of their soulmates and just partner up with whoever they liked most. But with my dreams as vivid as they are, I know that I will regret it if I stop looking.
Lumine has found hers already, years ago. She keeps telling me to simply follow exactly what my most recent soulmate dream took me to, as that is how she found hers. “We’re twins, we don’t know how the world works. Maybe it’ll be the same for you,” she claims.
I am so tired. I scroll through social media and notice a message from a friend. “You’ve done modelling before, right?” I haven’t, but I clearly have in another life. “My life drawing class needs a model, my teacher is stressed out because our model for tonight is sick. Could you fill in? You can keep your clothes on!”
My friend sends an address and a time. I suppose I could make it. Hell, maybe I’ll meet my soulmate there after all.
I get through the day and head to the community centre where the life drawing class is hosted. I will apparently be in my underwear but wearing a piece of fabric in various ways.
I step into the room to announce myself, looking around. There are only two easels in the room along with an area with different pieces of furniture for the model. My phone buzzes; my friend is also sick and has to cancel. There is nobody else in the room.
“Oh, were you the replacement model for today?” a man says as he enters the room from a side office. “All of the students are sick, unfortunately… I apologize for wasting your time.”
I look up and the first thing I see is a golden diamond shaped mark on his neck. He looks at me with surprise, as if finding something equally alarming.
“It’s fine, I didn’t have anything to do today,” I say, trying to wave off the strange feeling. Like Lumine said, a physical characteristic doesn’t mean anything. “I’m Aether, by the way.”
“Albedo. A pleasure.” Albedo still seems stunned, like he can’t find the words or emotions to express the conflict under the surface. “Ah– if you are available, ah…” He swallows on his words, a flush on his cheeks. “May I… draw you?”
I just can’t push this feeling away. I accept.
Albedo doesn’t even need me undressed; he asks me to put my coat on a nearby chair and to sit on the sofa in the centre of the room. I maintain my pose for as long as he needs until he asks me to do something else or to sit in a different manner.
It’s nice. I take the initiative this time and ask him out for dinner. He accepts and I help him clean up before he closes up his classroom. We go to a local place nearby, nice and quiet so we can talk.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this light, listening to Albedo talk. He’s an art teacher at a college, though he also illustrates for science textbooks on the side. He’s about my age and he doesn’t know what’s happening next for him yet, even though we should clearly know what we’re doing by now.
Feeling brave, I ask about his other dreams. His face goes pink at the thought of it. Albedo admits that he doesn’t remember his dreams well at all; just how he feels from it. In his life, he hasn’t spent much time searching for his soulmate, just for those who make him feel the same way.
“It’s a bit early, but do I make you feel that way?” I ask.
He smiles shyly. “I believe so.”
I drive him home and walk him to his door. Albedo gives me his number, and makes a dry joke about how I know his address now too. He laughs quietly at his own joke. He’s so cute I could kiss him.
So I do– but he does it first.
His hands cup my cheeks and he kisses me silly, fingertips digging into the soft wispy hairs at my hairline. It lasts until I’m breathless, addicted.
“I think I found you,” he whispers when we break apart.
I kiss him again, shorter but just as sweet. “If you did, I’ll see you in my dreams.”
I go home with the promise of another date, and I’ve never been more excited to go to sleep.
Tonight, I dream of a frigid mountain. The snow blurs my vision of everything.
Everything except him. Through the blanket of snow, I see him standing at an alchemist’s table, pouring over his notes. His ash blonde hair spilling over his shoulders in thick waves, his light eyes that were blue when the skys were grey. “Albedo,” I say, approaching him. I catch his attention and toss him the whopperflower nectar that he requested from me.
“Found you,” I say.
Albedo smiles, and it’s just as beautiful as I’ve ever imagined it. “So you have.”