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A grunt from Powder on the bed below is what wakes up Vi in the middle of the night, she lays there, eyes wide open, forcing her breath to stay calm, even covering her mouth in hopes of making herself more aware of it, until Powder lets out a deep sight, mumbles something about Silco looking silly in a pink jumpsuit, and resumes her sleep without making any other noise. Slowly, Vi's heart comes down from the full galop it maintained for the last half-hour. She covers her eyes with her arm, feeling the sweat covering her forehead and letting out a dry laugh. Then she freezes, thinking she might wake Powder, but the only thing she does is mumble again and turn.
It's been a year, a fucking year, Vi can't believe it. Her sister hasn't had an episode for a while but she still keeps vigilant.
As we should, the voice says, it's only us in here now.
I know. Vi thinks as if to answer them.
For the last month, Silco had been going out once the Last Drop is closed and has made sure both Powder and her were tucked in bed, coming back just before daybreak. Powder had tried making him spill the beans but hadn't been successful so far. Vi only gives him raised eyebrows every now and then but doesn't care much. She is now completely sure he didn't have it in him to hurt her sister and that is all she needed from him.
Lies, you want a pat on the head, don't you? You want to be a good girl that earns his approval. The voice sneers.
I want nothing! Vi bites back in her head, but she stills kicks and punches the bed in frustration and this definitely bothers Powder because immediately she feels a kick under her, making Vi jump just a tiny bit.
"Stop, let me sleep," Powder says, her words slurring over but still managing to get her annoyance across.
"Sorry," Vi says, her voice thundering in the silence of the room, then winces and lowers her voice. "Sorry, I'll — I'll go." She gets down the bed, taking care of avoiding the board that creaks when stepped over and opening the door ever so slowly that it takes her at least five seconds to get a gap big enough to come out to the hallway. She considers leaving it open but immediately changes her mind. "Sorry Pow—pow." She whispers before fully closing the door behind her.
A year has come and gone, and she still couldn't tell what is her place in this new and twisted family Silco had made up for her sister. Vi extends her arm, letting her fingers touch the wall as she moves down the corridor where there is a broken window she can use to get on the rooftop.
What do you want? What's your way of dealing with it? What was that for? All questions she had been asked the last year since Vander died, since Silco killed him, she still doesn't know how to answer them. What's the right answer? If there is even one. She huffs in frustration, leaning her arms behind her as she takes a sit on the roof and looks at the ramshackle buildings surrounding the Last Drop. She couldn't deny it, the place is starting to look better, even if it's only been patched over, there are fewer people causing trouble around.
Because they are scared of Silco, the voice reminds her. They saw what his shimmered minions can do.
Vi turns to look at the alley, the place where Benzo's head had been squashed like a watermelon and she gulps. At what cost? Is she really fine with what they had to pay to have a better life? To have a safer place to call home? It wasn't like everyone was benefiting from it, only those close to Silco. His associates and those that happen to live near any of his warehouses and businesses.
No, both Vi and the voice think in unison. This is not what Vander would have wanted, this is not how you use your strength.
Why does it matter? He is dead. The voice growls, and Vi can feel a switch inside her turning on, an ugly beast climbing out of the deep ravine that is her mind. Without realizing it, Vi lets out a growl of her own, leaning forward and about to spring into the next roof over. Her skin is itching, burning with the need to actually do something, to —
"Vi?" Powder's voice is a hand that slaps the switch back off and the urge is gone, replaced by a tight feeling in her throat and the lack of air.
"Yes?" She turns to look at her sister, Powder is slowly making her way half-asleep until she reaches Vi and lets herself fall on her lap. Leaning her head against Vi's shoulder with a big yawn.
"Why are you here?"
Great, more questions we can't answer, the voice spats in her head. Vi can feel the bitterness in their tone and suddenly realizes she can't tell who is coming from. Who’s the real owner of that bitterness?
"I — " Vi's throat closes even tighter.
We hate it here, the voice.
That's not true! Vi thinks.
We do, we are lost, we are angry, we are drowning! Each word ring in her ears and even though it's the voice saying them. She can't help feeling that they are really her own. The voice seems to be saying what she can't, as much help as that may be, only Vi hears them.
"I hear them." Powder says, burying her face in Vi's neck, and for a moment she feels as if her heart stops, and if she doesn't do anything she is gonna suffocate. "Each night, during the day too — it's been a year — they shut up when I'm with you but it isn't working now." Powder sobs and Vi can feel the tears sliding down her neck and getting her shirt wet. She now can tell Powder is talking about a different voice, her own demons, where Vi hears one, Powder hears many, at least two at all times, though she hadn't told be what they say. "Tell Milo to shut up — he — he won't stop calling me Jinx." She hugs Vi so hard, with her arms around her neck that what little air she manages to breathe is reduced even more and Vi has to lean over to change the angle and open her airway a bit.
"I — "
We can't tell him to shut up, he is dead! The voice shouts so loud it drowns Powder's crying for a moment.
"He keeps saying you are not alright — that — that you are not happy with me — tell him he is wrong. Tell him!"
Yeah, tell him big sis, the voice says with such a sweet tone that Vi almost gags.
Since when does the voice hate Powder so much? It was all about protecting her, doing what was right for Powder, not deserving to put their — Vi's feelings first. She squeezes her, hugging her tightly, unsure if she is doing it to comfort Powder or herself.
"Vi — tell him he is wrong — we don't get hungry anymore, my gadgets are finally working, no one is leaving." Powder clings to Vi just as tightly, pulling from Vi's shirt so hard she can feel it ridding up her back. "Tell him they — tell him they didn't die for nothing." A hiccup forces her to pause and then she adds, Vi's heart shrinking with each word. "That — that I'm sorry."
Vi's heart breaks, a glass bottle smashing against the wall, thrown by her own sister, with such force a hundred pieces are spread. Each piece reflects a face from Vi, angry, crying, punching, getting punched, blood sliding down her mouth and nose — smiling, laughing.
You are killing us, the voice says, bitter — no, not bitter, beaten.
"Did you hear Milo!? She is sorry! We are ok! We will be ok!" Vi shouts over the edge of the roof, carrying Powder with her. "So shut up! Leave — leave us alone." She does her best, she really does, but at the end her voice breaks, it's a whine full of pain.
No, don't go, stay. Don't leave, don't leave. She desperately thinks over and over while screaming at the top of her lungs to get the hell out, to leave, and never come back.
It's too late, they are gone, you killed the last part of them still with us. The voice is so cold, Vi can feel the goosebumps in her arms and going down her back. Something has changed forever in it, in her, the final push of the knife that had been buried in her heart since that night is pushed and she doesn't have it in her to pull it out. Not if it means plunging it into Powder instead.
"Fuck, can't you get it in your thick skull that we don't want any of you here anymore! She is sorry, leave us alone!" She shouts.
Don't leave. She thinks one last time as she looks over at the street that goes to Jericho's, she can see their backs, and then when they are one block away they turn. Waving at her to follow, and damn she wants to go, she wants so hard to take the step. But there are heavy shackles stoping her, around her ankles, around her neck, around her wrist — around her heart. The chains go all the way to the little girl in her arms, bawling and crying her eyes out, she found it. The source of the bitterness, and is so small but so powerful.
Powder sniffles, looking up at Vi and when their eyes meet, Vi can tell. Her little sister knows what she had done, that she plunged the knife into Vi's heart, but despite knowing this. Vi can also see relief.
"They are gone, they are gone." Powder says, and then they hug each other until the morning comes, until Silco comes up announcing he has a gift for them, to celebrate the one-year mark.