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He would never be used to the feeling of floating that came with moving worlds. The fake sky high above him swirled as he caught his breath, sprawled on a bed thrown out in the open in his base. Bringing himself to stand, or even to sit up, seemed impossible. It took several minutes of focusing on the fake stars glowing high above him before he was aware of his body.
He shuddered as the memories of the past day flooded his mind. The haze of red, the pain that spiraled along his back as a potion, a deep purple that brought only pain, shattered against his shoulder, the unsettling freedom of spectating. Being forced back to watching.
He’d messed up.
He had heard the whispers everywhere, the echoes of their criticism following him even in death. He had seen Scott, standing triumphant, and struck him down without a care, leaving the world empty of life save for one lone axolotl. He had seen his friends, his family, his sister, fall one by one to the curse and did nothing.
No. Not nothing.
He had laughed.
Everything seemed so cold. How could he go out, face his friends knowing what he had done. Scar, Impulse, Mumbo, Pearl. Pearl. She would know, she always did. He wrapped his arms around himself as he shivered. He would take being alone over having to face his family, he knew that, but the alley was so cold.
Footsteps interrupted his musings, causing him to duck under his duvet like a child hiding from the looming darkness. Why did someone have to visit now, when he was just barely present?
“Grian?”
Pearl’s voice rang out, echoing down the alley. He flinched, curling up more as he felt her gentle sit on the edge of the bed.
“Griba? You ok?”
He could hear the concern in her voice. Why? He didn’t deserve it, not now. She wouldn’t think about that though. Pushing through the icy chill in his bones he shook his head slightly, hoping she would be able to see it through the sheets.
Pearl rested a hand on his shoulder, before nudging the sheets up.
“C’mon, make some room!” She teased, worming her way under the covers. “There you are!”
Grian couldn’t help but snort at her ridiculousness. Pearl grinned, wrapping her arms around him. Oh. Oh. The coldness began to dissolve, vanishing in the warmth of her hug.
“We love you y’know? Even if you make mistakes, you’re still my brother, still our friend.” She smiled gently, keeping her voice low even as she swiftly cut through the fears building within him. Pearl always knew what to say, she knew him almost as well as he knew himself after all.
He stayed silent still, leaning into her warmth. It was nice, not being cold. He had grown too used to the chill that came with being a red name, that came with being dead. The warmth of living was something he knew he would always treasure, now even more than before. Just being close with his sister, knowing she was here and alive and safe, it settled in his chest like a candle, bright, welcoming, warm. He felt like he could stay here forever, basking in the warmth, and the moon-like light blossoming between them that could only ever belong to Pearl.
The moment was interrupted by the dull thud of someone falling over. A familiar voice lifted from the direction of the noise. The siblings laughed softly, although annoyed to be brought out of their calm, neither were ones to turn down a friend, especially when they knew that everyone in the little town they called home needed comfort.
The alley was still cold when he emerged from the sheets, blinking in the daylight as his eyes adjusted. Mumbo was face down between Grians chests, having tripped over a lantern left nearby. He laughed again, looking up when he was joined by more, warm, familiar laughs. Impulse and Scar waved slightly as they moved more toward the group.
As soon as they were close enough Grian launched himself out of bed, laughing wetly as Impulse caught him steadily. He felt Impulse wrap around his entire body, shaking as the two were joined by the others, first Mumbo, then Scar - who leaned heavily on Impulse as he put his hand on Grians shoulder - and finally Pearl, completing the puzzle that was the five of them.
It seemed a lifetime he was held in that embrace, yet as soon as he withdraw it could have been but a fleeting second. He sighed, apologies twisting around in his mouth, ready to burst out at any second.
“It’s ok Grian. We don’t blame you.” Scar smiled, sitting down on Grians now abandoned bed, Jellie cuddling on his lap. He sat next to him, leaning onto his shoulder as he tried to shake off all the haunting thoughts of before.
“Yeah, we all know that things like this are tricky.” Mumbo said, rocking gently on his heels as he adjusted his suit.
“We got you bud, ok?” Impulse’s voice was warm. Grian smiled back at him, recalling the good memories the two had made despite the circumstances of the game, the vindictive joy that the two shared as they gazed upon the chaos they unleashed on the server. It was soured by the memory of Impulse falling, but… He shook his head, willing the thought out of his mind before he lost himself to it.
“Th-Thank you.”
HIs voice was rough from disuse, stiff from the chill of the void running through his veins. Mumbo joined the two on the bed, Pearl and Impulse sitting at their backs, Pearl gently leaning again him. He reached backwards, pressing into the warmth of her, reaching for her hand as he shuddered under the weight of all the emotions flooding his mind.
It was ok. He loved them, they loved him.
It was ok.
He let go.
All the years of fear, of everything that had been building up since he first lost Pearl, since he had found himself in the void of nothingness. It all came flooding out, and he felt 4 pairs of arms surround him once more, a purring weight shifted to his lap as he let himself cry surrounded by his family, knowing that after it was over they could rebuild, together, and keep going, as he had always done.