Work Text:
Colt loved Christmas.
He was far from a Christmas freak. Sure, the lights, the music, the presents were exciting, but to him, the holidays meant seeing his family. Although he kept in touch with most of them throughout the entire year, it was different when it happened over a festive table. It was almost as if his grandma had done something to the roast to make Colt’s already-pleasant memories of his family even more pleasant—which he wouldn’t put past her; her cooking was so delicious that he was convinced she was adding some sort of magic potion to it. But whatever it was, it didn’t matter to him. All he cared about was that he loved spending time with his family.
Of course, that didn’t mean he was going to turn down an invitation from his friends just because Christmas was mostly reserved for family time.
Colt and Falco were in the middle of putting their things in their backpacks when the doorbell rang. The two brothers looked at each other, trying to decide who was going to get the door, and unsurprisingly, Colt lost their eye-staring contest. “Finish up here while I get this?” he asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. Before he could hear Falco’s protests, he made his way to the living room to open the door. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to fully open it when Gabi, full of energy as always, pushed past him.
“FALCOOO!” she yelled, letting herself in and disappearing in her search for Colt’s brother.
“Oh—okay,” Colt muttered, mentally waving goodbye to any chance of Falco packing their things that was left.
“Sorry about that.” He looked up to see Reiner, hand over his face in defeat.
Colt smiled softly at him. “It’s alright,” he said, further opening the door. “Do you want to come in?” Before his friend could refuse, Colt added, “I don’t think I’m gonna get them to hurry up without you.”
Reiner laughed quietly. “Alright.”
Colt stepped aside to leave some space for Reiner to come in, and then closed the door behind them. It didn’t take them long to find Gabi and Falco bickering in the living room.
“You’re so gonna catch a cold,” Gabi said, pointing at the collar of Falco’s sweater, which was barely covering his neck.
“Gabi…” Reiner sighed.
“Yeah, well, she’s right,” Colt said, grabbing Falco’s scarf from the couch and throwing it at his face.
Falco glared at him. “Colt!” he whined but put the scarf around his neck anyway.
Gabi stuck her tongue out at him. “That’s right. Listen to your big brother, Falco—”
“Don’t act as if I didn’t have to force you into that turtleneck, young lady,” Reiner said, raising an eyebrow at Gabi.
“Reiner!”
“I knew it…” Falco mumbled under his breath, causing Colt to chuckle.
“Are you all packed up?” Colt asked, to which Falco nodded. “You sure? Wallet, phone, water—”
“I’m not a kid,” Falco interrupted, grabbing his bag and walking towards the door, Gabi following behind him.
Colt sighed, pinching his nose. He and Falco usually got along just fine, but for some reason, his little brother had been on edge all week. His parents said it was just puberty, and though it made sense, it didn’t make dealing with the fact that Falco was growing up any easier; he was turning thirteen this February, and Colt could not for the life of him understand how time had gone by so quickly.
“You okay?” Reiner asked, snapping Colt out of his thoughts.
Colt nodded, grabbing his own backpack. “Yeah, sorry—ready to go?”
It had been Pieck’s idea to get everyone together and visit the winter market one last time before they went away for the holidays. Colt had already been there a couple of times since December started, but he was always glad to be back; the fairy lights, the endless food stands, the gift booths, the poorly broadcasted music through the town's speakers… According to Zeke, and Falco’s friend Udo, whose family were both from bigger cities, it wasn’t as big as the ones there, but in Colt’s eyes, that didn’t make it any less remarkable. Especially not on a night like this, when it just so happened to be snowing.
Aside from Gabi and Falco chatting a few feet in front of Colt and Reiner, the walk to the market was quiet.
There was something nostalgic about it. Liberio was a small town where most people had at least heard of each other, but back when Gabi and Falco were little, Reiner and Colt walked them to places all the time. It happened less and less often now that they were getting older though.
Halfway there, they ran into Udo and Zofia who, unfortunately, did not survive Gabi’s tackle attack, and the three of them fell in the snow.
“Do you see why your brother and I insisted on you guys covering your necks now?” Reiner asked Falco as he and Colt caught up to the four kids. Surprisingly, Falco chuckled—of course he’d agree if the comment wasn’t coming from his brother. “Zofia, Udo.”
“Hey, Reiner!” Udo said, wiping the snow off his glasses.
“Hello,” said Zofia, still being crushed by Gabi against the snow. “And hey, Colt.”
Colt smiled at his brother’s friends, before remembering they wouldn’t be able to see him behind his scarf, so he also waved at them. It took a while for the kids to be back on their feet, but soon enough, they were on their way to the market again. This time though, the group stuck together.
The closer they got, the more people they saw on the streets, all probably headed to the market—it was the holidays’ main event, after all, and there was bound to be some crowd three days before Christmas.
Colt felt some pressure on his side, and turned around only to see Reiner on his phone. “Porco says he and Marcel are waiting for us at the entrance.”
“Cool—!”
“And that if we don’t hurry up, he’s going to eat all our candy,” he added.
Colt chuckled. “Tell him I’m not giving it up that easily.”
“He says…” Reiner began, waiting for the rest of the text to come through, then huffed. “He says that he doesn’t need you and that he’s going to make me pay for it.”
“Stop looking at your phone while you walk!” Gabi complained, making them all come to a halt.
Behind her, Falco and Zofia broke into giggles, while Udo snorted. Colt wished he had been the one with a phone in his hand so he could take a picture of them.
“You’re right,” Reiner said, putting his phone in his pocket. He gently patted Gabi’s head. “Good job, Gabi.”
That seemed to do the trick, because the kids continued walking normally after that—although Gabi had a grin on her face bigger than ever before.
Colt leaned closer to Reiner so only he would hear him. “You are such a good example for these kids, Reiner,” he teased.
“Shut up,” Reiner said, rolling his eyes at him. Before Colt could add anything else, Reiner said, “Marcel says hi, by the way.”
“So he didn’t threaten to eat our candy?” Colt asked.
“Oh, he did,” Reiner said. “The hello was directed at you.”
Any intentions to keep up the teasing got lost in Colt, as a smile appeared on his face. He loved his friends; and Marcel, as always, was the sweetest of them all. He suddenly couldn’t wait till they arrived at the market and luckily, they only had a five-minute walk left.
As they approached the market area, the lights became brighter, and music started playing through the air. Colt took a deep breath, picking up the scent of baked goods which were already making him drool.
“We’re here!” Gabi yelled, pointing at the entrance. It was swarming with people.
Colt nudged Reiner’s side. “Is it just me or is the crowd way bigger than last year?”
“It’s just you,” someone who was very much not-Reiner responded. Colt and Reiner turned behind them, only to see Porco who pulled both of them in for a quick hug.
“Hey,” Colt said with a smile.
“Hey yourself,” Porco said, pulling away and patting Colt in the back. He then turned his attention to Reiner. “You stopped responding to my texts.”
“Reiner!” Gabi whined. “Come on!”
Reiner sighed. “Yeah, well, I was a bit busy,” he said, pointing at Gabi with his head. “Hope you didn’t miss me that much.”
“Eh, I think I’ll manage,” Porco said, before leaning in to kiss him.
Colt smiled at the couple. The two of them were an old story; like almost everyone in the group, they’d known each other since childhood, and probably pining for each other ever since, but it hadn’t been until senior year of high school that they finally decided to give their relationship a go. It was going to be four years since then, this coming spring.
Their romantic moment was short-lived. Gabi walked up to Reiner, mercilessly pulling his sleeve while he was kissing Porco. “Reiner.”
Colt had to physically hold himself back from laughing at Porco’s reaction, who angrily shoved his hands in his pockets. “Gabi,” Reiner said, who also seemed to be a bit irritated.
“We want to go in,” she said.
Reiner raised an eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t want me to babysit?”
Gabi held her hand out. “My wallet…”
“Oh.” Reiner started looking through his pockets. “Right. Sorry.”
“Some things never change, do they?”
Colt didn’t have to look to know who the comment came from, but he did anyway; Marcel was standing next to him, his signature smile on his face. For some reason, finally having him there made Colt less anxious about the crowd.
“Hello to you too,” he said, taking a step closer to Marcel so he’d be able to hear him better through the noise.
“I see you got my message,” Marcel said.
“Mhm…” Colt watched as the kids started walking away, but before they completely got lost in the crowd, Falco turned around to wave at him. Colt waved back, and then he and his friends were gone. “Couldn’t you have waited three minutes to tell me in person?”
“I wanted to make sure you were coming,” Marcel explained, also waving at the kids. “You tend to walk out on these things.”
Colt raised an eyebrow. “No, I don’t.” Most of the time, anyway.
Marcel shrugged. “You can’t blame me for wanting to talk to the only sane person here.”
“What about Reiner?” Colt asked.
“No good when he’s with Porco,” Marcel said, and to make a point, he pointed at Reiner and Porco, who were in the middle of carving testicles on the ground with the snow. Talk about a perfect match… “We’re the older brothers of our families, Colt.” Marcel turned to face him fully, putting his hands on his shoulders. “If we want to survive Christmas, we need to stick together.”
“What about Zeke?”
Marcel groaned, letting his arms fall to the side. “Zeke is an old man.”
Colt almost choked.
He looked around frantically, making sure Zeke was nowhere to be seen. It wasn’t as if he was going to be offended or anything; it was a running gag between the group to call him old, considering that, well… he was. He’d be turning thirty this year.
Colt had first met him when he was around Falco’s age. Zeke was working part-time at the local sports center—although one could barely call it that. Liberio only had two worn-out soccer fields that were used for any kind of sport, and Zeke was helping out at the summer camp. At the time, he was only visiting his grandparents every summer and wanted to make some pocket money for when college started again upstate, but once he graduated, he permanently moved here.
He did all sorts of jobs around town; walking dogs, babysitting, tutoring, even community work, and he must have been a waiter at every working tavern. Zeke, The Boy Wonder, they called him. But Zeke didn’t always seem to believe those claims. He never outright told Colt, but he could tell something was wrong. Why does someone with a PhD in neuroscience move in the middle of nowhere? As far as Colt was aware, the only person who knew exactly what was going on with the Jaegers was Pieck.
Colt remembered one day when Zeke was helping him study for a science exam, and his phone kept going off. When he asked him if he wanted them to take a break to answer, Zeke had responded with, ‘It’s just my shitty old-man. Not worth getting my pants twisted.’
So yes… Zeke was certainly the type to make insensitive jokes. However, that still didn’t ease Colt’s anxiety about Marcel’s comment being heard.
“Hey,” Marcel snapped him out of his thoughts, catching his attention again. “Promise me you’re not going to turn like them by the end of the night?” He did not have to specify who ‘them’ was. ‘They’ were currently throwing snowballs at each other, somehow being louder than all the crowd combined.
Colt chuckled. “Remind me which of the two of us has a history of doing that?”
Marcel shrugged. “I’m not the one who gets crazy when he drinks.”
“Because you barely do!” Colt protested. Not that he himself got drunk very often—he was known for being sort of a lightweight—but he wouldn’t refuse a drink if the rest of his friends were having it either.
Still, Colt wasn’t offended. He knew what Marcel was doing.
He always seemed to know what to say to make him feel better. He knew Marcel was joking before—about them both being older brothers, and needing to stick together—but sometimes, that was exactly how Colt felt. Maybe Marcel did too.
Before Colt had any time to come back at Marcel for his comment, he spotted Annie, Pieck, and Bertholdt behind him, and smiled at them. Marcel seemed to have noticed something had caught Colt’s attention, because he turned around. “Hey, guys!” he said, running up to Annie and giving her a tight hug that she surprisingly accepted.
“Hey,” Colt said, exchanging a quick hug with Bert, soon followed by Pieck.
“Hey—Ough—!”
“Evening, Berty!” Porco popped out of nowhere, patting Bertholdt hard on the back.
“Easy, Pock,” Pieck warned him, letting go of Colt. “The night hasn’t even started yet.”
Bertholdt groaned, but grimace was soon replaced by a smile when Reiner walked up to him and gave him a hug.
“Hey,” Annie said, finally released from Marcel’s grip. The way Colt saw it, Marcel was lucky to still have his head. Even so, the two of them got along surprisingly well.
“Are we the last to arrive?” Pieck asked
Colt turned to her. “Uh, what about Zeke?”
“Oh, he’s gonna be running a bit late,” she said. “He said we should go on without him. Are the kiddos in already?”
Slowly, the group of friends started making their way inside, with Porco and Marcel on the lead, and the others following close behind.
The crowd was even more dense in the market itself than outside, but it somehow didn’t bother Colt. He was far too distracted by the warm colors and the nose-breaking smells around him to care.
“Okay, food first, exploring later,” Porco said, a statement Colt was more than okay with. His stomach was rumbling. “Babe, open up your wallet.”
“Don’t be rude, Pock,” Marcel said. “But Reiner, do hurry up please.”
“You’re breaking our promise already…” Colt mumbled teasingly, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Marcel, who winked at him in response.
“If Reiner is paying, I also want something to eat,” Annie said.
Reiner glared at her. “I am not paying for anyone’s food!”
“This is much better than Christmas at home already,” Pieck joked.
“Tell me about it…” said Bertholdt.
Colt knew that his oh-so-perfect holiday experience wasn’t the same for all of his friends. Even though he hadn’t exactly experienced a Christmas tragedy himself—unless, of course, the time his uncle sprained his ankle trying to light up the fireplace counted as one—he’d heard plenty of stories from his friends to know that sometimes, a break was very much needed; something Colt absolutely got. As much as he loved his family, he could do with a second without his aunt bugging him about his love life.
The night went by much faster after they grabbed something to eat. They barely shared a word as they ate their pastries, something that quickly changed once they got to the gingerbread men; they were iced with the same cheesy catchphrases as every year, but it didn’t make them any less delicious, so Colt couldn’t complain. They stopped at countless of stands, even though they’d seen them all before. Colt never got sick of it; the crafts, the ornaments, the New Year’s charms…
And yet, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was off.
At first he thought it might have been the food, but he wasn’t feeling sick and everyone else seemed to be okay. Reiner had his arm wrapped around Porco’s shoulders, and the two of them seemed to be in the middle of a laughing spree again. Annie and Bert were sharing a few cookies that Bert had picked up, and Marcel and Pieck were singing along to whatever was playing. In the very back of the group, Colt’s chest felt like it could burst open.
It wasn’t until they ran into Falco and the others again that he decided he needed a break. He told Pieck he was going to find somewhere quiet to make a call, and quietly wandered off.
He ended up near the port, where the music was a bit quieter and the crowd had subsided. And while that helped clear his head a bit, Colt still felt that heavy feeling in his chest. He leaned against the railing, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.
‘You tend to walk out on these things.’
Not helpful, Marcel, Colt thought, sighing. What was wrong with him?
“Colt!”
The familiar voice snapped Colt out of his thoughts, and he turned around only to see Zeke walking towards him with two cups of… he wasn't sure what it was yet, but just like everything else in the market it already made his stomach twist and turn in pleasant ways.
“Hey,” Colt greeted him, forcing a smile.
“We lost you for a bit there.”
Colt huffed softly. “You're one to talk.”
Despite his sassiness, he couldn’t help but wonder; if Zeke had finally arrived, just how long had Colt been missing for?
“Fair.” Zeke shrugged. “But that's in character for me, wouldn't you say so?”
To his surprise, Zeke pushed the second cup into his hand. Colt had been starting to think it wasn't meant for him, but he wasn't about to turn down festival food—be it solid or liquid. He wrapped his fingers around the cup, instantly feeling them warm up, and brought it close to his face.
“So, are you gonna tell me what's got you so dim, or—?”
“This is spiked,” Colt pointed out. He hadn't meant to interrupt, but he wasn't in the mood for questions either.
Zeke didn't seem to mind—that was one of the things Colt liked about him; he never pushed, even though he probably should have sometimes. Instead, he chuckled. “You're not a kid anymore.”
Doesn't stop you from treating me like one, Colt thought, but only rolled his eyes. He brought the cup to his face again, and took a generous sip—but not too much. He wanted to enjoy this. As the liquid rolled down the back of his throat, warming his body all over, Colt sighed.
“S'nice…” he mumbled.
“Isn't it?” Zeke said, patting Colt's back and taking a sip from his own drink too. “I'm on my third.”
Colt laughed, shaking his head. “You can't get drunk on mulled wine alone.”
“And you know that because?” Zeke raised an eyebrow, and Colt shrugged, trying to hide his smile. “And I’m not trying to get drunk. In fact, I am deeply hurt by your assumption right now,” he said, his voice pouring with sarcasm.
“No, you're not.”
“I should be,” Zeke said, taking another sip. “Eh, I suppose the guy at the wine stand must have gotten angry on my behalf.”
Colt tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?” His drink tasted great, and he assumed Zeke’s did too.
Zeke pretended he was looking off to the side, as if what he was about to say wasn’t a big deal. At least, that was Colt’s guess, based on how long he’d known him for.
“He forgot the whipped cream on yours.”
Colt gasped.
“They had whipped cream?!”
He squinted as Zeke brought a hand to the top of his head to ruffle his hair. “Still a kid sometimes, then.”
Colt wanted to argue, but for the first time ever since he came out here, he felt oddly calm. He could have blamed it on the wine, but he doubted two small sips of sweetened alcohol were enough to make him dizzy, no matter how much of a lightweight he was.
“Are you visiting your family this year?” Colt broke the silence, because he didn’t really want to stay alone with his thoughts for longer than he had to.
Zeke took a sip of his drink. “To see Eren, yes,” he said. “All three of us are going.” Colt assumed he was referring to his grandparents. “You heading at your grandma’s as usual?”
“Not this year,” Colt said, also taking a sip. “We’re doing Christmas here this year.”
“The whole Grice family tree, in Liberio?” Zeke said surprised, and Colt chuckled. “You sure you even have enough space on the table, Colt?”
“We’ll figure it out,” Colt chuckled. “There was a gas leak at my grandma’s house, so… can’t really be used.”
“Eh, it’s better that way,” Zeke said, and Colt raised an eyebrow at him. “The market’s better here. All big cities are good for is money-grabbing.” Colt huffed. Although he didn’t fully agree, he let Zeke have his way.
“There you are, you two.”
Colt was getting tired of being spooked by people.
“Piecky,” Zeke said, waving at her. “I was wondering when you might show up.”
Pieck rolled her eyes at him. “The kids wanted to do facepaint, and then we’re thinking of getting some cotton candy and popcorn.”
“Because more food is all we need,” Zeke said, but took a step towards Pieck anyway. She elbowed him playfully, and he grunted. “But how could I say no to facepaint?”
“Colt?”
He shook his head. “You guys go ahead,” Colt said, smiling. “I’m just gonna finish this first and catch up to you.”
“That’s one long call you’re having there, Colt,” Pieck said, but didn’t press the matter any further.
Colt kept smiling even as Zeke and Pieck walked away, even after they had gotten lost in the crowd again.
He wondered what the two of them were going to do now. Knowing Zeke, he’d probably want another drink, and Pieck wasn’t the type of person to turn one down. He could almost imagine it; bickering and sharing hot chocolate, and anything else Pieck’s sweet tooth would crave, before finally joining the others at the facepaint stand.
For some reason, the thought left a bitter taste in Colt’s mouth.
He tried to wash it down with another sip of wine, but to no avail. What emerged instead were scenes similar to this one. Porco and Marcel arguing about which charm their parents would like best for their fireplace. Udo and Zofia telling Bertholdt and Annie about the movie they watched last night as they looked through gifts. Reiner, just a few feet behind, trying to stop Gabi from eating her candy-dipped apple in one bite. And lastly, Falco, Colt’s own brother, switching between the groups to talk to all of his friends as they called for him.
Colt couldn’t see himself in any of these scenarios.
Would Pieck have gone out of her way to look for him if Zeke hadn’t been with him?
Colt knew the answer to that question. It was no use pretending that he didn’t. It wasn’t that he felt like he didn’t belong. He got along great with everyone, after all. At the very least, the one thing he knew for certain was that his friends liked him.
But he was never sought out. Never asked to spend time together, just him and another person, unless he suggested it first. And if he were to walk away, barely anyone would notice—just like today.
So yeah. It wasn’t that he didn’t belong; he just wasn’t needed.
He didn’t know how long he spent there lost in thought, but it wasn’t as if it mattered. The good thing about not being needed, Colt thought, was that he had all the time in the world for moments like these. There was no need to shake them off anymore.
With a sigh, he brought the remaining mulled wine to his lips.
If only it was a bit warmer.