Chapter Text
Yelena thought fall looked so pretty. At the early age of four, she liked to think she could count all the leaves that had fallen from the trees in her backyard. She categorized them by color; red, yellow, orange, and even the few green ones left over from summer. Her favorite activity as of late has been to help her older sister Natasha with her chores and rake them up into piles much taller than her, Yelena would guess they were fifty feet high! However, the fun part wasn’t putting them into piles, but jumping into them cannonball style. Her mother liked to tell her not to with the point of her finger, all reprimanding and firm - she said there were around seven species of bugs secretly hiding in them, but Yelena didn’t care. She had seen bugs before, even made friends with a roly poly once. They weren’t so bad.
Her dad although, possessed a drastically different approach to parenting. Yelena giggled and hugged him when he told her to let her play to her heart’s content. Help grow the imagination, he said. In fact, many times he would be right there with her when she crashed into the multicolored leaves. He would play pretend with her whenever she asked; pirates, princess, dragons, fairies - as long as he wasn’t working. The two of them could go on for hours without breaking character and she had to admit, though he asked a lot of questions about the rules she tended to make up in her head, he was really fun to play with. Of course, Yelena was slightly more partial to playing with Nat. While Yelena’s focus was on being happy and fulfilled in most of her dreams, Natasha liked to be the savior. If there was ever an imaginary imminent danger, Natasha didn’t hesitate to put her armor on and save the day. It told Yelena that there was more to life than just being content.
She adored playing with her mother too, but there was a problem you see with doing games like that with her. The pale woman had always brought numbers into things that Yelena never quite understood. She would talk about things and use big words that went completely over Yelena’s head or ruined the momentum by telling her that hadn’t made any sense. “Well, yeah.” the little blonde would say back. “It’s not real. Nothing has to make sense! That’s the fun of it!”
It was terribly hard to be her though recently. For nearly the entire day, her sister and father were gone. The two always had somewhere else to be which is why they said they couldn’t be at home with her to play. She didn’t know why they’d choose to do anything but watch movies with her and make up stories with the toys they had at the house, but her mother said it was important so she tried not to talk about it much. She had to believe they would never choose to leave her, right? Not if they could help it, so she figured it was someone else calling them away from her every day. Whoever they are, she really didn’t like them. At least she had her mother however. While playing pretend wasn’t their best suit, the older woman frequently put on the television for her to watch when she was bored and let her help with lunch where they would make jokes and her mom would constantly spill things everywhere. Nat said she was just playing when she did that, but to Yelena it really just looked like she needed to start learning how to do it without messing up; even if it was really funny.
Yelena doesn’t know how she knows all of this, can’t recall how she found all of this out or when she started to think it up, but from as far back as she can remember; that was her life. Just like this morning, the girl would wake up bright and early - sooner than anyone in her family actually - and wait outside the door for her parents to wake up. After a while, they would open the door and her father would scoop her up into his burly arms and let her help pick out his outfit for the day. Their mother said he worked with computers, whatever those were and that he always had to look his best, so when he asked, the hazel eyed child would help him decide between a tie and shirt to go underneath it every day. “Are you going to come home early this time, daddy?” the youth had to ask, her broken up speech the best she could get it out at such a ripe age.
Yelena felt the sigh that escaped her father’s mouth like it was her own. She knew he wouldn’t be able to come back until dinner, per usual, but every day she asked him anyway hoping for the answer she was already beginning to know she’d never hear. “I’m sorry, dorogaya.” the man bent down to his knees, wrapping her in a hug as small as she was. “Not today.”
Despite the comfort his embrace had brought, the young girl had pouted her way into his shoulder, unaware of just how much her dad could feel the frown on her face. She had no idea how much it hurt to see her so sad every morning. “Why do you always say that?” Yelena didn’t bother to hold it in, her untamed and naive curiosity not yet checked and intimidated.
“Sometimes,” he began as he pulled apart to face her with his glasses perfectly balanced. “People commit themselves to more than one thing. I have a duty to play at work just as I have a duty to you, but don’t worry. You, your sister, and mother are still my favorite.” the fellow blonde winked at her with joyful sincerity and suddenly, she hadn’t felt so misplaced.
With another hug, her father asked her to go help her mother with breakfast and she went like an obedient and good little girl. She liked helping people anyway and it left him time to get dressed. Natasha wasn’t out of her room yet, she typically darted out of her shared bedroom with Yelena about five minutes before she had to get to school. The four year old could always hear her sister and mother talking about how she needed to be more prepared in the morning, but the redhead seemed adamant to grab a piece of toast on her way out to her bike parked in the front yard instead. Yelena never knew how she could do it, the girl often found it hard to sleep during the night and would have liked to start her day with the rise of the sun, but everyone else in her house thought it the worst idea they have ever heard - in the words of her sister anyway.
So instead, Yelena did her job and stood by her mom on a blue stepping stool in front of the counter and watched her make pancakes like she had been some kind of wizard. She loved watching the batter fry and her mother flip them with the pan and spatula. As far as Yelena was concerned; she could watch it all day. “Mommy?” the shorter girl said, only half convinced in what she was thinking.
Without pausing her routine, the older woman nodded her head to the side in acknowledgement with a wipe of her hands on her apron. “Yes, milaya?” she hummed the words Yelena had yet to figure out, she assumed they meant something similar to what her father calls her, but the child couldn’t place it in her very limited english dictionary in her head.
Taking one last look at the forming pancakes over the stove, Yelena scrunches up her nose to prove she means business and turns to her mother with slightly firmer resolve. “Can I try to flip one? Please, please?” The girl couldn’t think of a better tactic than pleading.
However, she should have remembered she was talking to her mother and not her dad. The taller woman cocked her head over to her younger daughter and grinned at the child as though she hadn’t thought she was serious. “You want to flip the pancakes? I thought you didn’t want to even touch the pan after last time.” she reminded her with an amused smirk.
“Mama!” the baby whined, crossing her arms over her middle in offense. “You said we didn’t have to talk about it! It was only a little burn. Please! You can help me. Please, Mommy? I want to help.” Yelena tried again, not finding her mom’s hilarity very funny to her. They said they wouldn’t talk about it.
After plating the last one they had in the pan, her mom bit her lips for a second in consideration before staring at the little one with her hands set like a prayer and puppy dog eyes. “Oh, alright. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try again. Failure isn’t good for development anyway.” she mumbled the last part as though taking a mental note for something Yelena didn’t quite care about in the shadow of her acceptance.
So, her mother stepped back and scooted her stool over directly in front of the stove and set her feet in place behind the girl. She gave Yelena a pair of oven mitts on both hands that she had just pulled out of the drawer. Yelena didn’t particularly know why she needed it when her mom didn’t, but even she knew not to ask and push her luck about it. The fellow hazel eyed woman gently wrapped her arms around her daughter and encased her hands over Yelena’s tinier ones with an encouraging look. “Okay, we are going to do it together.” her mother said once the new batter they just put on had been ready to turn over. “One, two, three!”
Instantly, the pan was lifted off the stove and Yelena felt her mom drag her hands out to raise the pancake up in the air, doing about two flips before it hit the pan with accurate precision. Her mom was always good at technique. “I did it! Mama, look! We did it! Yay!” the child softly squealed in victory, making sure to give her mother a kiss to the cheek as a thank you.
The woman returned it wholeheartedly as she gave the large white plate full of pancakes to the girl with a big smile. “Yes, you did Yelena. Good job, baby. Maybe next time we can do more, but for now can you put these on the table for me, please?” the black headed woman rubbed complimentary circles on her back as she headed for the dining table, concentrating to the best of her ability as to not drop it. For just pancakes, they were pretty heavy.
Once they were on the table and had been accompanied by the syrup, butter, and even peanut butter for Yelena to go on top, Yelena could hear the alarm from Natasha’s room blare off like an unpleasant echo through the hallway. In a matter of seconds, Nat dashed out of her room with a pencil in her mouth and her red converse hanging from her arms by their laces. “I’m so sorry! I’m going to be late! I have to go. I’ll do extra chores when I get back to make up for it!” the ten year old declared as she wobbled over to the table to grab a spare pancake and shove it in her mouth, not stopping her pursuit once.
Confused and sad that they weren’t going to eat breakfast together again, Yelena took one look at her mother - who appeared to be advising her to let the older girl go - and ran out the door after her. Her legs started running before she even knew why, but thankfully the younger girl had caught her sister as she was getting on her bicycle and when thinking about watching her ride away, she knew why she came out here. “Why is everybody leaving?” Yelena’s mouth let slip without much thought, she couldn’t for the life of her see why they didn’t want to stay. She didn’t like not having them with her all day.
With a quick kiss atop her head from her dad as he got into their brown family car and left for work, Natasha risked a gaze over to her little sister and was met with only dejected wonder in return. From Yelena’s eyes, it seemed as if the elementary schooler didn’t have the heart to leave her baby sister without saying a temporary goodbye. The taller girl got off her bike and patted Yelena on the shoulder, ruffling her hair in an almost noogie sort of way that she knew Yelena adored. “Don’t be upset. It’s only for a few hours, huh? How about when I get back, we can play all the zoo animals you want. I’ll even be a giraffe, okay?” Yelena couldn’t help but snicker at her sister’s grin when talking about Yelena’s new nickname for the green-eyed girl. She just recently began learning about different kinds of animals and when she heard of how tall giraffes are, she hasn’t stopped calling Nat one seeing as she was so much taller than herself.
Yelena swiftly brought her sister in for a hug. She knew it wasn’t going to be that long until she saw her again, but to her it might as well have been weeks. Natasha was her best friend; it was always just so much more fun with her around. The blonde let her go and allowed her sibling to head on to school without any more hassle, even if the sight wasn’t her favorite. She trusted her to come back; she’d always come back for her. Reeling in the tear or two that burned in her orbs, Yelena recited her father’s saying to always be strong. Her mother says tears aren’t for big girls, so she wouldn’t cry. Yelena sniffed and bullheadedly went back inside to eat and help her mother clean up. She had her still and that was enough for Yelena.
Even after years of thinking and struggling - searching for something of more substance or more substantial, whenever Yelena attempted to look back on her first memory that morning is what she found every time. It was entirely normal; almost boringly so and it wasn’t her optimal vision of what her perfect morning would be like. No, if she had it her way, her ideal morning would have been a weekend where she woke up with Nat in their room and crashed through their parents’ door to jump on their bed and surprise them with hugs and kisses. They would have all been together and laughing, not spent pondering why things were changing. Yelena hadn’t known why this was her earliest memory or what it meant exactly, but it had held enough solace to console her during her days in the Red Room or when she was alone with her thoughts. It was just a normal morning with her family and while things had fallen short over time, it was still just as nice; if not a little bittersweet.