Chapter Text
“You need to call her Buck! She really wants to talk to you!” he heard Chim scream back at him as he hurried down the stairs.
No, I really don’t….he thought angrily.
Why was the need to talk so important now?
29 years….
29 years of not being told such an important family secret. A secret that explained why he always felt like he was never wanted. An answer to why he always felt like a failure in everything he attempted….why he never felt like he mattered….
Anger and despair filled him, and it was all becoming too much. He felt betrayed by the one person he thought always had his back. The one person who actually made an effort to make him feel loved….feel wanted.
Was that all a lie too?
Suddenly the firehouse walls felt too close together, his breathing quickening with each stunted breath, and he felt trapped. Buck quickly made his way outside and parked himself along a cement slab farthest from the large bay doors. Then, leaning forward, he placed his face in his hands as he tried to steady his breathing and clear his mind. Buck struggles to fight the overwhelming emotions that threaten to take control of him.
Why was his life such a mess right now? Why was it all a lie….
“Buck?”
Eddie…
Buck took in a deep, shuddering breath and squeezed his eyes closed as he heard his best friend approaching him. The younger firefighter removed his hands from his face and planted them along the cement in an attempt to ground himself further.
“You okay?” Eddie calls, his voice seeping with worry as he takes a seat next to him.
“Eddie….,” Buck starts but can’t finish his sentence as he takes in a shaky breath.
Eddie is moving immediately, kneeling in front of him. “Okay, okay… Buck, look at me and try and take a deep breath. C’mon, you can do it,” the army medic says slowly and reassuringly.
Buck meets the soothing pool of brown eyes that are surveying every inch of his anxiety-ridden face. The amount of care that Eddie is showing him feels welcoming but also feels wrong. Does he deserve it?
No, you don’t…. his mind screams at him, but deep down, Buck knows that’s wrong too.
“Breathe, Buck. In and out.”
Buck takes in a couple of deep breaths and shakes his head as he fights to keep the tears at bay.
He needs to get up.
He’s at work. He can’t do this.
He needs to suck it up.
“I’m okay, Eddie. I just need a minute,” Buck manages to speak.
“Like hell you are,” Eddie scoffs, and Buck almost flinches at the tone.
“Eddie, I can’t do this right now,” Buck tenses and tries to stand up.
“Buck,” Eddie warns as he grips his best friend’s shoulder. The concern radiating off his body is a living, breathing thing.
“Eds, I just can’t. Not here, not now,” Buck tries to reason. “I just need space and especially away from Chimney.”
Eddie keeps his hand along Bucks right shoulder and squeezes gently. The brunette sighs as he shakes his head. “I’ll see what I can do about keeping him off you, okay?”
“Thanks,” Buck tries to smile as Eddie helps him stand and takes a step back.
“Just try and stay busy today. Keep your mind from wandering, yeah?” Eddie suggests. “I’m here if you decide you need another moment, but don’t tell me you’re fine, or I’ll kick your ass right now.”
Buck allows a chuckle to escape him as he rubs a hand down the back of his neck. “Maybe we can talk later,” the blonde offers tentatively, his voice still uneasy.
“Whenever you’re ready, man,” Eddie nods, patting Buck on the back as they head back into the firehouse.