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There it was.
Newt died. He asked Tommy to do it, to end the pain. Newt had hurt for a long time. Too long. He needed it all to stop. His story had finished.
He didn’t even feel the bullet go through his head, it was like someone took away his vision, leaving him to curl up in darkness. He couldn’t hear anything, just a light humming. The darkness faded quickly, and Newt could see again. He could see himself. Whatever he became, he wasn’t in his body anymore.
He saw Thomas cry over him, shaking. He saw tears flow, and before he knew what happened, saw Thomas run to the van, after carefully laying him down. He turned, and the van Tommy had been in sped off.
Newt followed closely, finding his new form both calming and terrifying. He was a bloody ghost apparently, and he didn’t know what to think.
He watched Thomas march through the forest, to WICKED’s doorstep. He didn’t understand why. Newt tried to stop him, but he couldn’t do anything. He watched Thomas head through the doors, sit down with Rat man, and agree about something. Tommy looked scared, more scared then he’d ever been. Newt wished he could reach out, reassure him that it would be okay.
He watched as they tried to cut his head open, before a women Newt never knew saved his life. Whoever she was, Newt was grateful.
He watched Thomas wake up, read the letter , and run.
He met up with Minho, another friend Newt never said goodbye to. One he loved, and would miss dearly.
When they went back into the maze, Newt’s “heart” rushed with nostalgia and love.
He was home. In a sick, twisted way, this was his home then. But it was more than that.
It’s where he made his first friends. Where he watched them grow up.
Where he became second in command.
Where he fell in love with his best friend.
Watching Tommy walk with pride every day, and risk his life to save Newt, and everyone he loved. He hadn’t realized it until the day they left the maze, but he loved Thomas. More than anyone. He wanted him for himself.
He watched as Teresa came along, and fell for her in a way that hurt Newt’s heart.
He saw Thomas meet Brenda, and she destroyed what was left of Newt’s heart.
She was everything he wasn’t. Pretty. Smart. Good at combat. Happy. She was everything Tommy needed. Who was Newt to take that away by telling him that he loved him?
Newt saw the maze crumble, saw people die as they tried to escape. He saw the flat trans open, and Thomas escort people in. He saw him fight, and kill rat man once and for all.
He saw the ceiling cave in, and kill Teresa. He watched another part of Thomas die.
Newt would never understand how after everything she did to them, he’d be upset over her.
He followed Thomas through the flat trans, into his new life.
Newt saw their new home get put together, Minho leading the charge. He was proud of his friend. Maybe WICKED had got something right, after all.
The last thing he saw was Tommy sit on the edge, on the cliff edge, when Brenda arrived. They joked, laughed, cried together. They shared a kiss, and huddled together.
Newt then wondered if he ever told Tommy, would anything change? Tommy was destined to not love him, it seemed to Newt. Thomas had everything he needed. Newt was simply an old friend to him now. Maybe one day he’d forget about him. Newt hovered over Thomas, and even though he couldn’t hear it, he told Thomas one phrase he should have a long time ago.
“I love you Tommy.”
Newt then left, to go on to what was next. To meet his old friends. Alby, Chuck, Zart, Winston, and all those who gave their lives. Even though he was incomplete, and broken, he saw Tommy happy, and that’s all that mattered. He hoped that maybe one day he could reunite with Thomas, and tell him how he felt. How much he really mattered to him.
What Newt didn’t hear after he left was the sadness his death caused Thomas. The great sadness he couldn’t pull himself from. The realization of what you lost, and how vast of a loss it was. How not even Brenda could fix what happened to Thomas. The feeling of being alone.
He didn’t hear Thomas say the 4 words Newt wanted to hear for months. The words he thought he’d never hear. The words that would have melted his heart immediately.
“I love you, Newt.”