Work Text:
You finish the interview with some musician on your talk show that day and you go to check the messages on your phone. There are new messages, there are always new messages, but not from the one person you wish would text you.
It's been three days since you texted her, your personal record is five and you feel like you're not going to break it this time. You reread the latest messages in the conversation, they all came from you.
Hi
Are you there?
How are you ?
You don't have to be alone
Hi
Hi
Please talk to me
I miss you
Please just tell me you're ok
I love you
How are you ?
The last message viewed was “You don't have to be alone” and that was ten days ago. Under normal circumstances you would already be worried that something had happened, but you sent radio interns to check out the building where she set up her detective office and they said she is there.
You don't really understand this aspect of Jessica's personality, when she feels bad she withdraws, she forms a cocoon around herself, she gets quiet. When you're feeling bad you want her, her voice, her smile, her sarcasm, most of all her presence in the same room, sitting next to you on the sofa mocking the plot of a silly romantic comedy you wanted to watch. You want her now. You want to tell her about your Krav Maga classes and about an annoying guest who was on the show the other day and tell her all the things you can't say on air and make her laugh.
You feel like a teenager and also like a horrible person. It's true that you care about her and want to help her heal, but stronger than that is the desire you have to have her around.
At night you fall asleep looking at your cell phone screen and you dream of Jessica. This is not uncommon, Jessica is a guaranteed presence in most of your dreams since you were a teenager. But now you don't dream of random adventures or kissing or sex, just text.
Hey
I am here
I'm not ok but I will be one day
I still need you as much as you need me
And I really love you too, even though I will never say it out loud.
And when you wake up there's still that little wave of disappointment when you see you don't have any new messages from Jessica.