Chapter Text
“…Hey, you piece of shit.”
“Hi, stupid.”
“….Who are you calling stupid?”
Sanji looked up with amusement, pouring drinks into cups that were already filled with ice and various fruit pieces. He watched Law approach him, scowling as he took a seat across from the counter from the cook.
“Constipated?” Sanji asked with concern, setting aside the jug.
Law rolled his eyes, getting comfortable atop of the bar stool. It was hard to do when he was all legs and length, slumping just to fold his arms over the counter. Sanji reached behind him and carefully set a cup of hot coffee before him, Law exhaling heavily as he glared at the cup.
He turned his angry gaze from the cup to Sanji. “I came here knowing you were alone, y’know. To…to kill you.”
“Here I am,” Sanji said cheerfully, gesturing at himself as he pulled his unlit cigarette from his mouth and leaned against the counter.
“Once again, I’ll have to shelve my intentions for another time. See here,” Law said, taking the steaming cup carefully to his lips to have a sip. He made a face and set it down as Sanji began loading his cups onto a nearby tray.
Once the silence began to stretch, Sanji looked at Law once more. He clicked his tongue. “At a loss for words?”
“I’m choosing them carefully,” Law snapped at him, curling his fingers into fists atop of the table. He huffed, opening his mouth to speak when Sanji interrupted him with, “You look nice, today.”
Law felt color climb up his cheeks as Sanji winked at him, scooping up the tray and meandering out onto the deck with flowery and idiotic words leaving him.
“‘Tch,” Law muttered, glaring at the coffee cup before picking it up once more and taking another sip. It was criminal just how good it tasted. He set it down roughly, liquid spilling over the edge and pooling underneath the saucer.
: :
It had started out as a conversation just after Wano – just two men exchanging words regarding past wars and fought battles under the moonlight, collecting and sharing information that could be used for the future. Then Law realized he was looking at the man for far longer than was acceptable under the Man Code, and his words weren’t making sense, and Sanji thought Law had had a stroke of some kind. Sanji had reached up to touch the corners of Law’s mouth to asses for a stroke and even his touch caused electricity like none other to shoot through Law. Law reacted with a snarl and a slap, Sanji snapped back at him, and both of them cussed each other out.
Law was angry that night, leaving the conversation without another word. Days after, Law realized that every word that left his mouth was an awkward tumble of things that didn’t make sense. His eyes were lingering longer and longer on the other man, staring without a word while Sanji looked at him expectantly. It was in these moments when Law discovered that Sanji had faint freckles on his face, that his lashes were a dark brown when lit by the sun, and that he had a slight hump on his nose from some long ago breakage. Most of the time when Sanji was not participating in the insanity around him, he often wore an expression that either suggested he was too good for that set, or lost in some deep thinking that prompted Law’s curiosity.
Law also noticed that Sanji had a brilliant, genuine smile that could light up the room, and had a way with exaggerated flair that Law had questioning his sexuality. He’d never given homosexuals a second thought, but he found himself thinking that when Sanji laughed or smiled at him, Law could be anything but himself. Which was an odd feeling to have for someone that considered himself asexual; especially when he found himself thinking that he’d have no problem reaching out to touch washboard abs and pressing lips to a naked neck and burying his hands in pubic hair to finagle another man’s dick –
So these things caused him to think that perhaps he wasn’t as asexual as he thought. He was confused, and he was pretty sure Sanji confused many men unintentionally.
Eventually, Law realized that threatening Sanji was the only thing he could do.
“I’ll kill you,” he’d promised Sanji one night, angrily fisting a hand in his own jacket and clutching his sword with fingers that shook.
“Hey, there’s a line,” Zoro had complained as he walked by, Law embarrassed by the audience.
Sanji had given himself a flourishing hand. “Then, do your best, surgeon.”
“But,” he’d added, that same hand going to Law’s jacket collar and giving it a slight adjust before ending with a gentle pat on the chest, “you have to look me in the eye when you do it.”
“I don’t need to do anything you tell me to do,” Law had snapped at him, slapping Sanji’s hand away.
“Fine. I’ll be the one looking up into your eyes when you do,” Sanji had said, tilting his head upward to do just that.
It was enthralling how the night sky and the nearby lights could make his eyes shimmer with strange color, and Law found himself wondering if Sanji were some type of Reptilian creature – then he realized he was staring into them with intense silence. Law’s face exploded with color, and before he could say anything, Sanji walked away with a snicker.
From that point on, Law struggled to hold himself with some pride before walking up to Sanji, but he kept remembering how stupid he was, and he began avoiding the Strawhat cook.
Law’s travel with the Strawhats was simple enough – he was only carting himself alongside them for the promise of investigating the mystery behind “D”; considering Robin’s current situation with the World Government’s reaching hands, she had information that Law could find useful. They were on their way to their next adventure with enemies trailing after them, and Law couldn’t afford missing out on the chance to make his own determinations. His own crew wasn’t that far behind – they kept in close contact with Law via snail, but Law had enough confidence and knowledge of the Strawhats to use them for his advantage.
Unfortunately…he was still a socially awkward man, and this thing with Stealth Black – Sanji – well, Law wasn’t sure what to think, really. Law wasn’t sure if this was just admiration of a fantasy, or some real world blossoming problem. He wasn’t an idiot; but he had to admit he just hadn’t paid attention to these things. He was sexually aware during most of his late teens and early twenties, but that aspect hadn’t even tipped his mind when he’d made the decision to hit Punk Hazard and life changed; now he seemed to be easing back into into interest and need, and he’d noticed that even his own learned interests seemed to be changing.
Maybe it was knowing how short his life span was, maybe it was just a culmination of things that wanted him to experience new things before it was too late, but Law was confused on where he wanted to stand in these things.
So his new reaction to Sanji was both problematic and interesting at the same time. He was still an awkward man, still blossoming to things he hadn’t paid attention to, so now he felt an awkward motivation to tentatively explore these things to figure himself out.
: :
Sanji didn’t know why Law’s attitude towards him had changed. Days after that strange declaration from that brightly moon-lit night, he and Zoro were drinking together on the back deck of Sunny, listening to the echoes of the other’s voices and laughter on the lawn while Brook’s violin sung merrily.
Sanji had thought that what he had with the surgeon of death was amicable – they could talk about little things the crew would pass over, and it helped that they came from nearly the same area; they knew almost the same things. So it bothered Sanji that Law did a complete turnaround and start sprouting nonsense about wanting to kill him and ignoring him –
Not that it mattered to Sanji, but it bothered him.
“Law is being weird, again,” he said, finishing his ale.
“This is news?”
“I don’t know what that guy’s problem is,” Sanji complained to Zoro. “He always strange like that?”
“I don’t know,” Zoro told him. “Why? What’s he doing now?”
“Something about wanting to kill me.”
“I mean, this isn’t something of a surprise, cook. Everyone wants to kill you. You’re annoying. I want to kill you. You asked me to do it.”
“Haven’t I treated him with respect?” Sanji mused, rubbing at his chin.
Zoro coughed. “What ‘respect’? You’ve got none for anyone around here without mammaries !”
“You’ve hung out with him the longest. Is he…y’know…?” Sanji tapped his index fingers together, squinting at Zoro.
Zoro looked from the gesture to him with bewilderment, mug against his chin. “A swordsman?”
“NO, you - !”
“Well, how am I supposed to know what that means? I don’t know how to talk deaf!”
“Ugh, you’re stupid!”
“Shut up!”
“I’m asking,” Sanji tried again, “does he…y’know…swing that way?”
Zoro looked at him with more confusion, then looked back towards the others. They couldn’t see them, considering their position, and Sanji slapped his hand to his forehead with agitation.
“I’ve never seen him use the swing,” Zoro said gruffly. “Would look a little weird. He’s a bit too tall to fit – ”
“Is he gay, dumbass?”
Zoro’s eye darted here and there before furrowing his brow, lowering his mug to rest on the railing while Sanji crossed his arms over his chest and waited for Zoro’s answer.
Zoro tried the word silently a few times, Sanji slapping his forehead once more. Sputtering with indignation, Zoro snapped at him, “I know what it means, I’m just trying to figure it out! Look, Nami walks around like she wants everyone to look at her – have I seen him do so? No. But I’m not looking at him like that. Hell if I know!”
Hands to his chest, Sanji wheezed, “You are the dumbest - !”
“He’s got a great body, though. Very manly. Tits are huge.”
Sanji stared at him in silence for a few moments before his eye dropped down to Zoro’s chest. Zoro flexed just in case Sanji needed a closer look. Sanji looked at him with a scowl.
“Are you…?” Sanji asked slowly before Zoro sighed. “What…what does that even mean…?”
“I’m saying,” Zoro stressed, releasing the mug so he could gesture with both hands, “we are men, right?”
“…right.”
“And it’s fairly obvious we’re proud of who we are, proud of our work.”
Sanji watched Zoro with his eyes rounded with building doubt.
“And it’s no surprise that men like me, men like Law, like to be as intimidating as possible,” Zoro added grimly. “So to start, men like me, men like Law, we choose to dress the part.”
“In feathers and bandannas?” Sanji asked skeptically.
“We show off our tits,” Zoro corrected. “Nami shows her because men fall at her feet, right? Makes sense. Men like me, men like Law, we show off our tits because they’re masculine and thick and - !”
“Stop saying - ! YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!”
“SHUT UP WHILE I TRY TO EXPLAIN IT!”
Sanji gestured at him to continue.
“Anyway, when you look at them,” Zoro said, his own hands aside of his chest to frame them. Sanji couldn’t help but look at them then looked at Zoro’s face with alarm because he’d looked. “You get thrown out of wack. You can’t help but think, Man, those are huge, and then the look goes over the rest of the body. You see more hard work, more indications of obviously intense training, and you think, That guy is built. And so the opponent is obviously already rattled because he has to think to himself, Do I want to get beat down by a man with massive tits?”
Sanji’s mouth dropped open ever so slightly, but he did have to furrow his brow with consideration. Zoro dropped his hands, nodding.
“No, you don’t,” he concluded. “Therefore, Law shows off his big tits, it’s obvious he put work into them and guys get intimidated and psyched out before he can do his little hand things.”
“NONE of this has to do with the original question I asked…” Sanji pointed out.
“Oh, I was getting to that. Dude went into battle with just a jacket and jeans that told everyone he wasn’t wearing underwear. He clearly wants attention.”
“But,” Sanji argued, unable to believe the conversation he was having, “in the line that you had just made, dudes…wear things to show off their work. So…I mean, one can’t help but notice that he deliberately dehydrates himself and excludes certain nutrients that deviate from healthy - ”
“Enough of these words. I said what I said. Which is why you don’t show anything off,” Zoro pointed out. “You cover up because you’re ashamed of yourself.”
“I’M NOT!” Sanji protested.
“Like a princess. Wearing her corset and pantaloons and shit,” Zoro snickered. “Three piece suits, like…what? Of course you don’t show off your tits. You have none.”
“I have tits,” Sanji told him haughtily, “but I’m modest.”
“Not intimidating at all….”
“Not everyone has a three inch shelf on their chest! Look at yours! That’s at least a handful!”
“Sometimes I can’t sleep on my stomach because of them.”
“I can’t believe I’m having this conversation!”
“Anyway, I don’t think he’s completely gay – I think he’s like Luffy, totally unaware.”
“Of…well, Luffy is completely asexual, he doesn’t care about stuff like that.”
“Of course it makes sense Luffy shows his off because he’s an intimidating little fuck.”
“I agree with you on that. BUT – ”
“Look,” Zoro said, snatching his mug from the railing and gesturing with it. “Find out for yourself. Ask him what’s up.”
“What if I don’t really want an answer for that?” Sanji asked nervously. “He’s…like, he’s a good looking guy. That shithead can get any female he wants. So…and me, everyone knows I freak out with male attention - !”
“He’s a good looking guy,” Zoro agreed. “But he doesn’t even give it any thought. Hey, he wears makeup.”
“He does?”
“That eye stuff. And, when we were heading to Wano, I watched him shave from top to bottom.”
Sanji stared at him for a few moments, then said tentatively, “…Shave?”
“Yeah, some guys do that. I mean, he’d have to, right? Look at him,” Zoro said, stroking his own chin then running a finger from his temple to his jawline. “He’s a walking bush. Probably had to do some intense trimming just to fit into his obscenely low cut jeans.”
Sanji’s eyes flitted off to the stars, wondering what sort of situation he’d found himself in.
Zoro then lifted a chin, asking, “Why are you even asking?”
“Oh, he’s totally in love with me.”
“Shame,” Zoro muttered, shaking his head. “Has bad taste.”
“It’s just weird that a guy like him looks at a guy like me,” Sanji said nervously. “Knowing that I hate guys like him – what if this is some straight guy fetish, and he’s considering acting out a fantasy?”
“I don’t know about all that, but only one way to find out.”
“Hey,” Sanji said, forcing Zoro to pause as the swordsman turned to refill his mug, “what should I do? I’m not the best person to be polite in these matters.”
“I don’t know. Match his energy. Maybe he’ll get freaked out,” Zoro suggested.
“I can’t - !”
“Look, he hates getting compliments. He hates having attention on him. Compliment his tits, I don’t know. What a weird question to ask me.”
“YOU’RE THE ONE THAT BROUGHT UP MAN TITS!”
Zoro laughed noisily.
“Okay, look,” Sanji said hastily, “I’m going to go along with your suggestion, match the energy. Watch from a distance. See what he does.”
“Ah, man, I have plans…!”
“Your tits tell me you won’t starve if you don’t have to work out for a few minutes!”
Sanji watched as Zoro attempted to hold his mug between his pectorals, and snarled when the mug shook slightly as well muscled pectorals clung to the handle with frightening dexterity.
“Hey, let’s put some ale in this thing and see if I can still hold it – ”
“Give me that!” Sanji snarled at him, using one hand to rip his own shirt open. Zoro scoffed at him, arms crossed over his pectorals. Sanji looked from the mug to his own chest, then threw it at him. Zoro laughed again.
“Hey, what are you guys doing?” Luffy asked, startling them as he pulled himself onto the deck.
“Hey, Luffy. Try to hold this with your tits,” Zoro said, holding the mug out to him.
“No!” Sanji snapped as Luffy’s eyes lit up and he reached for the mug. Sanji snatched it out of Zoro’s grasp. “He cheats! He’s rubber!”
“Ah, man, Sanji! I can do it!” Luffy protested.
“No, it’s cheating!” Sanji scowled at them both, holding the empty mug to his chest. “I’m going to do it,” he then told Zoro.
“You don’t have any,” Luffy said skeptically, looking at Sanji’s exposed chest. Sanji covered himself up with an embarrassed snarl. “Sorry, you’re flat as a board.”
Zoro laughed.
“You shitty human beings! Stop talking like that!” Sanji snapped at both of them, stomping off. “It’s uncouth and rude! Body shaming!”
“I mean, amongst this circle of friends, we can talk like that, but if we spoke like that in front of girls, we’d get our asses kicked, huh, Zoro?” Luffy snickered. “Anyway, come back to the party, Zoro. Franky is going to show us his third arm.”
“We already saw that thing,” Zoro said with disgust, following after him anyway.
: :
And so, Sanji was trying to find out through his subtle actions whether or not Law was gay. He was having a hard time trying to take this situation seriously, but it was quite obvious Law was enamored with him. Admiration from men was one thing, but to have a man Sanji somewhat respected looking at him with sparkling eyes – that was another thing.
Not that Law’s eyes sparkled – they seemed to darken and expand like a cat’s when it was ready to pounce. He also did this thing with his mouth where his lips seemed to flutter and flap as he struggled to release words, and Sanji found himself watching with mute expectation, waiting with both amusement and impatience for whatever it was to leave Law’s mouth. Then Sanji found himself noticing the curve of lips, the flash of teeth, the tiny freckle on the left side of Law’s mouth, the thickness of his damn neck, the sharp angle of his Adam’s Apple –
Sanji angrily whipped his head from side to side as he felt a flash of physical interest.
Truth was, he noticed too much himself. Another truth was, he didn’t know what to do with it. He seemed to soak up the attention like a starved flower under the sun – not that Law could be considered the sun, but…
Law seemed quite embarrassed with himself in the mean time, but Sanji was starting to have some fun watching the intense and awkward older man fumble and stammer like he was some schoolboy. Sanji kind of liked the feeling he got from being admired by the other man – it was flattering and a good mood booster.
Law could handle teasing in his own gruff way – Luffy was often the butt of these too serious jokes, and Zoro was second – but Sanji thought it was because Law had spent more time with those buffoons. Sometimes Law teased Sanji but Law’s sarcasm too serious for Sanji to catch.
Sanji, with these feelings, felt it was appropriate to tease because it had grown fun for Sanji; odd because he fought men’s admiration with tooth and nail. So, tentatively, he teased back and he almost considered it flirting – something he could do naturally with women. It didn’t cause any revulsion for him in this situation. Because the attention was nice.
Not that anything would come from it, he figured, because who knew what fate had in store for them?