Chapter Text
Namjoon had requested a meeting with the manager that morning, immediately after receiving his text message. The man had agreed and suggested he go for lunch at that restaurant he liked so much.
Two hours later, the rapper was hammering his fingers on the cafeteria table anxiously, phone in hand. He reread the message from his manager over and over again. As if he expected what was written there would magically change.
It was 7:00 am and the place was empty, except for him. He was carrying two cups of coffee and refused the third one the waitress was about to serve him. If he drank one more sip of caffeine he was going to shred his fingernails.
"Namjoon!" The leader looked up when he saw him. The manager entered the place with a bundle of papers in his hand, shook his hand and greeted him. He wore a blue pinstripe suit that accentuated his height. His appearance was elegant, but Namjoon noticed that underneath the pretense of calm and distinction he looked annoyed. "God, I'm sorry. There was hellish traffic. Have you ordered yet?"
"No, hyung-nim."
The man settled the folder on the table and then turned to the waitress with a gesture. The girl hurriedly approached the table.
"Good morning." She greeted. "Would you like some coffee?"
"Gosh, yes. Nice and strong." He said, and grabbed the handle of the coffee pot as the girl was pulling it away. "No. Leave it. I'll have more cups."
"Would you like to see the menu?"
"No, that's not necessary. I want the usual. Eggs hard-boiled, please, Namjoon-ah, aren't you going to order anything?"
"Thank you, hyung-nim. I had breakfast at home."
"Okay, okay. That' d be all, thank you." When the waitress let them, the manager unfolded his napkin and turned to the window beside him. "Looks like it's going to rain."
Namjoon turned as well. He saw in the distance the buildings and cars dulling under the curtain of grayish clouds. In other circumstances he would have marveled at the beauty of the weather, but at that moment he could care less.
However, polite as he was, he nodded, and said:
"So it seems, hyung-nim."
"Did you walk here?"
"By bicycle."
"By bicycle?" The man could not disguise his strangeness. " Why, isn't it dangerous?"
"At the moment nothing bad happened to me."
"I can give you a ride home when we're done here; that way you won't get wet."
"I'll be fine, thank you, hyung-nim."
The manager nodded, aware that the informal chat was over. He straightened up in his chair and then focused his attention on Namjoon. The rapper watched him closely; the man had eyes framed by dark circles under his eyes, and a beard that looked like it hadn't been trimmed in days. "Namjoon-ah..."
"Hyung-nim."
"You obviously read my message."
Namjoon nodded. He certainly had. He had reread the hellish message at least twenty times.
"The meeting with the record company was yesterday. I notified you as soon as possible." Explained the man. "They want the song... The problem is they've given me a really short amount of time."
Namjoon nodded. That was his problem too.
The whole thing had started weeks ago. He had been engaged in composing the lyrics for a new song. The record label was pressuring him to deliver the project as soon as possible; a project that, of course, he still didn't have.
He had set out to work a week ago, but the days had been rushed.They'd had photo shoots, a couple of interviews, and to top it off, their younger members had fallen ill. Namjoon had barely had time to write a couple of verses.
"I talked to the record label just a couple of days ago. I asked them for another week." Namjoon replied. He still remembered the meeting and its terms. "I thought we had reached an agreement."
"And you did; but they asked me for an advance, and I couldn't give it to them because you don't have it. They're getting impatient. You know I can't do anything." The manager let out a long puff of air and looked him in the eye. The leader held his gaze. "Don't get me wrong; but I thought moving up the deadline wouldn't be a problem. You always deliver your projects on time."
Namjoon sighed.
"I know, I'm sorry, hyung-nim. You know it wouldn't normally be a problem, but..."
The man took a sip of his coffee.
"But what?"
"I've been having some trouble with the members, they..."
"They're giving you trouble?" The man raised an eyebrow, as he stuffed his mouth with coffee.
Namjoon was quick to shake his head.
"No. Never." He replied. "Jungkook and Taehyung have been sick and Seokjin and I have spent the whole week taking care of them."
"Are the boys okay?" Namjoon nodded. It had been a rough week. Jungkook wasn't exactly an angel when it came to illness, and poor Taehyung had been so feverish that his senses had been scattered for days. "I understand... The truth is I can't blame you. Not you, of all people; I know you're trying hard, but I also can't deny the company what they ask." He replied, rubbing his prickly chin. "Listen, I don't want to pressure you. I'd give you a whole month, if I could, but now..." He hesitated, and for an instant Namjoon thought he was going to add something else, but the waitress appeared to bring him his food and the moment passed.
Namjoon sighed.
"Just one week." Repeated the rapper. "One week, and then I'll hand over what they ask for."
The man let out a sigh. Looking conflicted, he pecked at the food and took a bite of the egg.
"The thing is, I told management that a week ago, too." He exhaled. "Look, I really don't want to be the villain here." He used that same pitiful tone he employed when he had to deny something to the members. Namjoon didn't like it. "I can arrange a meeting. I can negotiate a couple more days. Maybe three, but that' s all. If it works for you..."
"Three days will work for me, hyung-nim." Namjoon hastened to say. Although he wasn't convinced, he thought that those 72 hours were better useful than nothing.
"Good." Said the manager, and opened his mouth to shove in the rest of the food almost in a hurry. "Three days, then." He stood up and began to gather the paperwork. He tapped them on the table and sat up.
"Thank you, hyungnim." Namjoon said, sitting up as well, then added. "I'll do my best to do a good job."
The man nodded slowly. He dug into his pockets, pulled out his leather-lined wallet and let a couple of bills on the table.
"No, hyung-nim, let me..."
"No, no, it's okay." He drank the remaining coffee and sighed. "A miracle, Namjoon-ah. Give me a miracle. That way we get them off our backs and we can both breathe a little."
Namjoon nodded.
The man looked exhausted. He said no more; he held out his hand to him in farewell and turned toward the door with a wave, disappearing as quickly as he had come, walking hurriedly and turning to the waitress to say goodbye. The leader then sat up, with a sigh. He walked out the door and hopped on his bike.
He had a lot of work to do.
Seokjin greeted him at the door as he entered the apartment with damp clothes and disheveled hair twenty minutes later. The older one's eyes opened wide at the sight of him.
"Hey... How did it go?"
"Fine..."
"You're soaking wet..." Seokjin said, approaching him.
"It was raining." Replied the leader, mildly grumpy. It would have been smart of him to accept the ride from his manager.
"You would have called me and I would pick you up." Scolded Seokjin, who had already approached him to help him with his coat. "Wait, I'll get you a towel."
Namjoon shook his head.
"No. I'll change." He sat down to take off his shoes in a hurry and walked into the house.
"Namjoon-ah. The shoes!" Seokjin complained, when the leader threw away the sneakers disinterestedly and threw a pair of shoes from the cabinet.
"Sorry, I don't have time."
"Pick up what you've...! Hey!" Seokjin frowned when Namjoon didn't even turn to look at him. The leader rushed into his study as if the carpet was on fire and slammed the door behind him with vigor.
Namjoon ignored his hyung's nagging and complaining through the walls, took off his damp sweater and slid into the swivel seat in front of his desk, turned on the laptop and hung the headphones around his neck. Luckily Seokjin had tired of complaining to him after a few seconds and now all was silent. Namjoon was grateful that it was so early. That meant a couple more hours of absolute quiet before his younger members woke up and made their home a racket.
With a sigh, he brought deft fingers to the keyboard and opened his document app. Write. He had to do that thing he knew so well, yet which was causing him so much distress.
He didn't like composing under circumstances of high pressure; it made him feel like his work was flawed, but he still didn't have much of an alternative.
So he set to work. Deliberately shaping every idea and thought that crossed his mind. Meditating and trying to intermingle the words.
And time passed.
One hour.
Two hours.
Three hours.
The echoing chatter and little giggles of his dongsaengs scattered around the apartment, Namjoon did his best to ignore the buzz, put on his headphones with a snort and kept writing.
And the hours kept ticking by. Four, five, six.
"Namjoon-ah?" it was Seokjin. Namjoon looked up from the laptop. How long had it been? The door rattled again and the leader had to sit up to remove the lock.
"Hyung, I'm busy..."
"I don't mean to interrupt, I just wanted to see that you were okay." Seokjin offered him a worried gesture, as he dried his hands with his kitchen apron. Luckily the anger from the morning seemed to have evaporated completely. "You don't respond in the group chat. The food is ready."
Namjoon turned to look for his phone. Surely it must have been abandoned in the sweatshirt he had thrown away earlier.
"Thanks, I just ate." He said simply, and sat back down. Jin raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean you just ate?"
Namjoon didn't take his eyes off the laptop screen, nor did he seem to have been paying attention to him. When he spoke, his voice came out distant and disinterested.
"... Yes, a while ago. You served me breakfast."
"Breakfast?" Seokjin frowned. The leader had taken a couple of bites of toast before darting off to his meeting with the manager. "Namjoon-ah, that was hours ago."
"Sure." He replied , absently. Moving his fingers nimbly over the keyboard. Seokjin furrowed his brow.
" Sure what?" he questioned. "Are you listening to me, at least?"
Namjoon snorted, raising exasperated eyes at Seokjin.
"Hyung, I'm busy." He stated.
"Well, whatever you're doing, it sure can wait until you're done eating."
"It cannot." He mumbled.
"Namjoon-ah, you can't skip lunch and you know it." Jin sighed, reaching out to pat the leader's forehead. "Why don't you want to eat, are you in pain, love?" he asked.
"I'm fine!" he said, more sharply than he intended. Seokjin stepped back at the rudeness. "I'm busy. I'll eat later."
Seokjin sighed. He didn't believe him.
"I'll get your plate."
With that he turned back toward the door. Namjoon didn't even flinch when Seokjin returned five minutes later, carrying a tray of steaming, aromatic food. He let the tray sit on the small table beside him and turned to him.
"Please eat it while it's still hot." He said, but the rapper paid him no heed. "Also take the vitamins I brought, okay?"
The leader responded with a gesture that sounded like a nod.
"Try not to sleep so late." Seokjin said. Namjoon again gave him a quick nod, so Seokjin let himself out with a sigh.
When he closed the door behind his back he made his way to the kitchen. Pushing the intrusive thoughts of worry for his dongsaeng. He feared for Namjoon and his usual carelessness for himself. It happened often and always for work reasons. Seokjin already feared the consequences.
"Are you okay, hyung?" Hoseok turned from the kitchen counter. Yoongi stood in front of him, mouth full of food and chopsticks in hand. Seokjin smiled.
"I'm fine, are you guys done eating?"
"On it."
Seokjin nodded, took off his apron and let it on the coat rack in the kitchen.
" Would you please do the dishes and clean up the kitchen when you're done? I'd like to take a bath..."
Yoongi nodded.
"You go, hyung. We'll clean up."
"Thank you." He smiled, gave them one last look and turned toward the bathroom. A bath for sure would suit him wonderfully.
It was 6:30 in the morning when he reached over to turn off the alarm on his phone. Seokjin let out a yawn and stretched. Yoongi stretched from his own bed as well, disturbed by the noise of the annoying alarm, but soon seemed once again awash in the sleep that had been snatched away from him.
Jin sat up lazily. He rubbed the drowsiness from his face and rearranged the bedclothes. He closed the door behind his back and went out to wash up. When he finished, he lit the stove in the kitchen and prepared a delicious breakfast for his loving members. Toast, eggs, rice, and a soup that gave off a delicious aroma. Seokjin smiled. Took off his apron and walked out of the kitchen to wake up his dongsaengs.
"Yoongi-yah." The rapper let out a groan and threw the covers over himself. "Wake up, beloved. Breakfast is ready."
Yoongi stirred. He gave him a brief nod and Jin then stood up to go to the next room.
Hoseok was already awake when he entered the bedroom. His beloved dongsaeng was just finishing making his bed and was already dressed when he turned to say good morning to him.
"Good morning." Seokjin replied, turning to Jimin's bed to wake him up. The boy let out a guttural groan. "Jiminie, get up. Breakfast is ready."
Jimin flatly refused, turning lazily against the pillow.The bed was too comfortable to leave.
"Hm... a while longer."
"Come on, wake up." Seokjin encouraged him with a couple of light swats on his backside. Jimin grumbled some more, but finally raised a head of matted hair and looked at him with slight resentment.
"Hyuung, it's too early."
"You have vocal practice at nine."
The boy groaned, but left the room and took his place at the table. Seokjin smiled, and hurried to Jungkook's bedroom. Waking the maknae was equally complicated. The poor boy came out with his eyes still closed, babbling about something Jin didn't quite understand. He entered Taehyung and Namjoon's room with a sigh; hoping with all his might that his leader was sufficiently rested.
However, when he opened the door, Namjoon was not there; and the bed was still lying. With a frown, he hurried to shake Taehyung, sound asleep. The boy opened his eyes with a groan.
"Love, wake up."
"Mh?"
"Taehyung-ah, did Namjoon come to sleep last night?" He asked. Anxious for Taehyung to answer him yes. Maybe the leader had gotten up incredibly early and had let his bed made.
However, when Taehyung responded, Seokjin could only feel anger settling in his stomach.
"No, hyungie." Taehyung said, rubbing his eyes. "I didn't hear him."
Seokjin tried his best not to evince his annoyance.
"Breakfast is served. Go get it." He said, gently, sitting up and leaving the room.
Taehyung gave him a questioning look
" What about you?"
"I'll be right over. Get started now, I have to attend to something with Namjoon."
Taehyung nodded, still overwhelmed with fatigue. He watched silently as Seokjin walked through the halls with firm steps.
Jin took a deep breath as he strode toward Namjoon's study. He felt a rage threatening his composure, for the reckless decision he knew his dongsaeng had made. He knocked firmly on the door and opened it.
"Namjoon-ah." Seokjin frowned, watching him from the threshold. Everything was exactly the same as he had let it last night. The food he brought him was lying untouched on the small table, and the leader didn't seem to have moved a muscle either. He made no gesture of having noticed his presence; he was slouched over the chair, and looked incredibly exhausted. Seokjin felt his stomach boiling. "Namjoon-ah!"
The leader blinked as he blinked off the computer screen. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was tired.
"What's wrong?" He questioned, with genuine strangeness. Seokjin shook his head. The boy didn't even seem to have noticed that it had been so long.
"What's wrong?" He repeated, with a raised eyebrow. The boy's apathy was upsetting him."What's wrong is that you've been stuck in here all day and haven't eaten or slept at all!"
The leader took two seconds to analyze those words. He turned to the window and stood still for a moment, the sun's rays hitting his exhausted face. Seokjin saw confusion mildly flood his eyes, for a very fleeting moment; as if it wasn't quite clear to Namjoon the severity of the situation. The rapper's face was almost immediately plagued with irrational disinterest. He turned back to his computer screen and placed his hands back on the keyboard.
Seokjin waited a couple of seconds for him to say something, but instead, the shameless boy began to move his fingers over the keyboard, as indifferently as a robot. It was painful to watch and Seokjin didn't allow himself to witness that sight for much longer.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" He demanded. Namjoon let out a sigh.
"What do you want me to say?"
"I want you to at least show a little concern for your own well-being." The rapper let out a short laugh, without a hint of humor, almost imperceptible and coming out more like a snort. Seokjin didn't appreciate the gesture. "I brought you the food all the way here precisely so this wouldn't happen. You said you would eat."
"I'll eat it in a while."
Jin glanced at the tray of food. The noodles had stuck to the plate and the meat would surely start to expel a rotten aroma in a few hours. Seokjin restrained himself from remarking his displeasure at wasting the food. They would address the issue later.
At that time it was more important to deal with his insubordinate dongsaeng. Seokjin bent down to pick up the tray, and left the studio with angry steps.
The leader let out a breath of air, then. He sat up after a while to close the door, but then the older one came back in, with a fresh tray of hot food in his hands. Namjoon blinked.
"Sit down."
"But..."
"Sit down, Namjoon-ah."
The rapper reluctantly obeyed, and then Seokjin dragged the bedside table until it was in front of him. He let the tray sit on the cabinet and folded his arms. He had that decisive look that Namjoon had witnessed hundreds of times before; that authoritative stance that the maknaes hated so much.
"Eat." He said, in a voice of the same temper.
"Hyung, I'm busy..."
"Eat, Namjoon."
"I don't have time to..."
" Do as you're told."
Namjoon shook his head slightly, but obeyed, letting out an irritated sigh. He picked up the chopsticks and shoved the food into his mouth until Seokjin's eyes no longer seemed to want to set him on fire.
"Happy?" His voice came out bitter. "Now get out. Let me work."
Seokjin forced himself to redouble his composure. He couldn't afford to lose it when Namjoon also seemed so angry and so ready to explode his rage.
"I'm not leaving, Namjoon-ah." He declared, his voice firm. "We need to talk."
"What the hell do you want to talk about? I've already eaten like you wanted."
Seokjin made up his mind to get straight to the point.
"And have you slept?" he questioned. "Have you had any rest? You've been stuck in here since yesterday morning, Namjoon-ah, I don't know what you're working on, but you can't go on like this. If the company is pressuring you..."
Namjoon let out a low growl and shook his head. The statement and the truth written in it made him furious. He didn't have time to dwell on it and complain. He had no time to explain himself. The hours were passing and he couldn't afford to waste them so deliberately. Seokjin simply didn't seem to understand.
"The company is not pressuring me." He declared, and tried to convince himself that he was telling the truth. That way maybe he would start to believe it too.
Seokjin answered nothing. He just stared at him for a very prolonged time, his eyebrows framed in a stern, studious frown. Namjoon escaped his gaze by ducking his own. He sat up from the bed and walked back to the chair he had occupied for so many hours.
"Namjoon-ah..."
"No. If you're finished close the door on your way out. I have work to do. "
"You're tired."
"No!" he mumbled, his voice jaded. "Yes! I'm getting tired of you being so damn annoying!"
Jin frowned, walked over to the leader and pushed the laptop slightly to meet his eyes. Namjoon let out a guttural grunt, looking up reluctantly.
"You want to repeat that?"
"What the hell is wrong with you?" spoke Namjoon, irritated.
"With me?" Seokjin shook his head in disbelief. "What's wrong with you? You are the one who's being rude."
Namjoon deepened his frown. Deep down he knew it. He was overstepping the bounds of disrespect. He was tempting his hyung's patience. He knew his nerve would spill if he continued to be so brazen.
Seokjin looked composed and had forced himself to wrap himself in a pretense of calm, but that was just that. A pretense. Deep down his hyung was as furious as he was; he had that dangerous look on his face that warned Namjoon to start behaving or there would be consequences. That steady, piercing look that made his stomach stir. He himself had given that same look to his maknaes more than once.
But he was not a maknae. And at that moment he didn't want to start a debate about his rudeness or lack of care for himself. He was tired and grumpy and feeling less than reasonable. He had a project due and no time to state his reasons.
"I'm not being rude" He defended himself. "I'm working..."
"Yeah, you already said that." Jin refuted. "But that doesn't excuse that..."
"And if you already know that, why are you still here?" cut Namjoon off. He thought he could afford a little more brattishness if it would make Seokjin to leave him alone.
But Seokjin didn't; instead he deepened his frown and even crossed his arms over his chest. Namjoon felt a twinge of nervousness, but he forced himself to remain static.
"Namjoon-ah, I understand that..."
"No, you don't understand." He blurted out. "This is important."
Seokjin nodded.
"Your work is very important; but so is your feeding, and your rest."
"Hyung, it's only been one day..."
"For now, yes." Seokjin was calm, but still managed to sound firm. "But this happens every time you're working on one of the company's projects, and you always push it to the limit. You haven't slept or eaten anything since yesterday. You can't expect me to just let this go."
"I don't need you to worry about me." He spat, bitterly. "I can take care of myself."
Namjoon almost felt a pang of self-sufficiency as Seokjin's eyes shot up to his with a strangeness he wasn't able to hide. That statement made him let his guard down.
Seokjin could have accepted his words. Namjoon was naive and expected it. That Seokjin would take his statements and let him be. Unfortunately for the rapper, they had been together too long, and the only response he got from his hyung was a long, studious stare.
Namjoon had an anxious posture, his brindle eyes dulled with fatigue, his untamed hair falling over his forehead. He was expectant.
Seokjin knew his partner too well. Namjoon was showing him, of all people, a more authentic side of himself that had nothing to do with his leadership. A gentler intimacy. More serene. Namjoon freely exposed before him his most absurd mistrusts and pains. Therefore, Seokjin was not surprised by the sudden declaration.
Although Seokjin had many times before expressed his endless attachment and love for his members, and they themselves willingly embraced his care, there were times, such as this, when his dongsaengs became particularly forgetful of his position.
Namjoon, especially, who was often so wrapped up in a dominant and leadership role, was the one who was most reluctant to accept any care other than his own. They had had many conversations before about that, and Seokjin was more than happy to remind him of it whenever he seemed to forget.
"I don't take care of you because I have to, or because you need it." He repeated to him, his calm voice riddled with an intimate sternness. "I take care of you because I want to; because I care about you."
Namjoon lowered his eyebrows. His immediate response was to open his mouth to say something. To contradict; but no argument escaped his lips. And he found his annoyance was almost completely consumed by listening to Seokjin.
"Hyung..." He mused.
"You're so exhausted." The voice came out sympathetic, but also riddled with harshness. Namjoon had the decency to look embarrassed. "What is this thing you're working on that's taking up so much of your time?"
The rapper let out a sigh before answering. More composed than before.
"It's the company..." He admitted. "I have to compose the lyrics for the new song."
Seokjin's eyebrows rose slightly.
"I thought you agreed to one more week."
"I did, but the manager says that the record label is pressuring him." Namjoon said. "They want the lyrics now."
The older one looked mortified, a new anger shone in his eyes. Namjoon knew it wasn't directed at him, but it was still terrifying to see.
"They want the lyrics already?" he sneered, anger surfacing in his voice. "What nonsense. They can't do that."
Namjoon agreed; but he couldn't find the courage to say so. He didn't like to complain. He never did; he was not used to reneging on his work. He made sure to execute all the company's requests, no matter how burdensome they were. He was the leader, and he had to behave like one.
The truth was, he was exhausted and raging. Flooded by the injustice of his managers, of his company, of the stupid record label. But there was nothing he could do. He had already made up his mind to deliver the project and he couldn't back out now.
"I must deliver the lyrics before tomorrow, or else..."
"Or else what, Namjoon-ah?" Seokjin questioned. His tone was more sedate. The rapper was silent at Seokjin's serenity. "What can happen?"
"The production is going to be delayed."
" Good. If the production is delayed, then so be it." The older one bellowed. "You're exhausted. They've worked you to absolute exhaustion. I'm not going to let the company torment any of my members."
"That's not how it works."
"That's exactly how it works, Namjoon-ah." Seokjin tried to maintain a serene tone. He knew how hard it was for Namjoon to accept his words. The leader looked disturbed and uneasy. "We'll talk to the manager."
"I've already tried to talk to him..."
"Then with the company, the record label or whomever it takes." Namjoon raised a bewildered look towards Seokjin's. His hyung spoke so confidently that he was tempted to believe him. "They can't change their agreements like that. They can't play with your time like that."
The rapper shook his head.
"I'm the leader, I have to comply with what they ask of me."
"You're an equally valuable member as all of us." He asserted. "You would never let them push us around like that and I won't let them do it to you either."
"It's different, I..." He remained quiet and still. Desperately searching for something else to say; that being the leader was part of carrying that burden, that pressure, that he had already accepted those responsibilities, absurd as they were. His arguments sounded very valid in his head but he knew Seokjin wouldn't accept any of them.
"No more of that." Seokjin replied when Namjoon's internal debate seemed to be going nowhere. "We'll talk to the company. We'll take care of this. All of us."
Namjoon suddenly felt a pang in his chest; a need to accept his words. It was a solution that would give him rest and rest was that which he craved most at that moment.....
But he was not able to give in. There was a concern, a restlessness more powerful than his desires. He was a leader. A leader executed, attended to, a leader did not send someone else to settle his affairs. He could not afford such assistances so openly!
"Hyung, I can't let .."
"No." Seokjin cut him off. "This will be done whether you want it or not."
"But you don't understand!"
"I understand." Seokjin said. "I understand your concern; I know you want to be a good leader. I know you want to prove yourself worthy, but you can't ask me to watch you work yourself to exhaustion just to please people who have no regard for your welfare. It's not going to happen."
When Namjoon saw his argumentative resource exhausted, it was that anger began to attack him again. Flooding his stomach and rising up towards his face. He felt helpless. Seokjin watched him closely. Namjoon rarely allowed himself to give in to fits of anger, but at that moment it seemed to be about to be the exception. The older one made up his mind to change the focus of his dongsaeng.
"Now, about what you did before." The rapper looked up, suddenly alert. "You've been very rude."
Namjoon blinked.
"Hyung..."
"You know it's never justifiable to treat someone like that. That includes you, too. Depriving you of sleep is inconsiderate and not acceptable." Seokjin scolded. "It just makes you get in a bad mood, and then you start taking it out on others. With me."
Namjoon lowered his gaze; with embarrassment slowly soaking his anger.
"I..."
"I don't want you to talk to me like that again, do you understand?"
Namjoon nooded, his head low.
"I understand." He replied in a low voice, regret surfacing his chest. His hyung had been trying to take care of him. He had been patient and he had repaid him with rudeness. "Forgive me, hyung. You don't deserve to be treated that way."
"No." Seokjin agreed. "No, I don't."
Namjoon was going to say something else, but nothing came to mind. He understood his hyung's annoyance, and he also knew what was sure to happen next. . The rapper swallowed saliva and lowered his gaze.
"Where do you want me?" he questioned sadly. Finding himself in such a situation was unusual and always embarrassing.
Seokjin sighed, of course his dongsaeng had foreseen a punishment. He took a breath of air and walked to the closet as Namjoon felt the nerves hitting his stomach. He thought his hyung was going to punish him with some belt—or god spare him— with the devilish cane, but instead, the older one turned around with a thick blanket between his hands.
"For now, tucked in bed." Seokjin said, and turned to him to spread the blanket. "You have to sleep. You're going to get sick if you keep this up."
Namjoon turned his head with wide eyes. The older member looked disgruntled. He himself was.
"Aren't you going to...?"
"No, Joon."
"But..."
"Go to bed."
The rapper stood still for a moment, looking for a sign of mockery in his hyung's posture. The older one still had a dangerous glint in his eye, but he looked more tired than annoyed.
Namjoon said nothing more. He hurried out to his bedroom, with Seokjin trailing behind. He slipped into the bedding, confusion flooding his chest. Jin helped him spread the new blanket and then turned off the bedroom light.
"Hyung?" Namjoon asked. Jin turned to look at him. His eyes flashed amidst the torrent of darkness.
"Yes?"
"Are you...?" He hesitated. He was confused that he had gotten off so easily from his punishment. He wanted to ask Seokjin if he was upset with him, if he was distressed; and for some strange reason he also wanted his hyung to offer an explanation. Seokjin never forgave a spanking. Never for an infraction like his, so why was he sparing him his?
"Yes?" he insisted, when the rapper said nothing.
Namjoon hesitated.
"No... It's nothing. Forget it."
Seokjin gave him one last look, his eyes luminous. Concerned. But he didn't insist either. He turned around and closed the door behind him, murmuring a small "Rest well."
And Namjoon tried. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to chase away the new turmoil in his chest, and something else, heavier, murkier, rawer.
Why did he feel so angry?