Chapter Text
***
Seokhoon opened his eyes, stretched his arms, and tried to straighten his legs after he realized that he was sleeping in a sitting position. His eyes searched for something to know what time it was. The clock on the wall not far from where he was, indicated that he had probably only slept for three whole hours after he had previously been asleep and awakened repeatedly throughout the night. He then shifted his eyes towards the hallway that led to the ICU room, wondering how Rona was currently doing. But before he welcomes a new day with the same anxiety, he at least needed a new spirit. After stretching his body he stood up and walked towards the toilet carrying a small bag containing the equipment he asked Seokkyung to bring last night.
A gloomy face with eye bags could be seen very clearly from his reflection in the mirror in front of him. He took a deep breath before opening the faucet and getting some water to splash on his face. He looked back at his reflection in the mirror. For some reason, the mirror in front of him turned into the glass of Rona's room and he could clearly see her little body lying on the bed with many tubes around her. If there were no machines that signaled the sign of life, perhaps people who saw her condition wouldn't know if she was alive or not. Or maybe they would think the girl was just asleep peacefully.
He wanted to be by her side. Holding her hand, whispering sorry in her ear, telling her all his feelings, asking her to hold on, asking her to open her round eyes and look at him again. He wanted to be beside her gently caressing her cheek. He wanted to be beside her, feeling her warm body, to give him hope that she wouldn't leave him. He wanted…
"You're too late, Joo Seokhoon".
Jeni's painful words rang in his ears, making him close his eyes bitterly.
"I know ..." He whispered as if Jeni was in front of him.
"I know ..." He whispered more loudly in a quivering voice. He lowered his head with his hand tightly gripping the edge of the sink.
"But please, let me have this chance to fix it. Please let me have this chance to fix it." He lifted his head and looked at his reflection in the mirror. As if he was staring at Rona's room.
"Before it's getting more too late."
"Before I regret it even more."
Shortly after he said that a small chuckle of his came out of his mouth.
A chance?
He had been given the chance to redeem all the mistakes he gave to Rona, but he still created the same mistakes. And shamelessly, he still asked for a chance? After he left her alone when her mother disappeared. After he didn't reply to any e-mails from her. After he didn't defend her in front of her teacher when Rona was accused of injuring Minhyuk. After he didn't see her in the hospital when she was dying. Time and time again, Rona gave him a chance. But he kept repeating the same biggest mistake. That is to leave her when she still needed him.
The sound of his phone in his trouser pocket could be heard echoing in the toilet where he was, interrupting his thoughts, dissolving the image of Rona's room in front of him, and returning to his reflection. He sighed before answering the phone which turned out to be from his sister.
"Yes?"
"Oppa! Did I wake you?"
"No, I'm already awake."
"Don't tell me you didn't sleep all night? Oppa!!"
"Don't worry, I did."
"Is it true? You're not lying to me?"
"It's true." Of course, he didn't lie to his sister because, in fact, he slept even though he didn't tell his sister how long it was.
"Well, I have no other choice but to believe in you. Besides, soon I will prove whether what you say is true or not in a moment."
"Soon? You mean you-"
"Yeah, mom and I are on our way to the hospital."
"This early? Did something happen?" Panic rose in his heart. Does his mother know something he doesn't?
"No."
"Then why are you here so early?"
"You think with a situation like this, we can all sit quietly and comfortably in the penthouse. Just like you, mom is also very worried about Rona and Dr. Ha. And with you adding to her worry."
"What?"
"You, instead of easing the situation, you added to her worries. With your condition like yesterday, do you think she can sleep well without worry?"
Seokhoon was silent when he heard his sister's answer. He knew that his mother was a sensible person and realized that her son was not feeling well. Physically he may look fine, but his mind and heart aren't. And his mother was the one who held him and comforted him at the operating room door yesterday. Once again, all he did was make those around him worry.
"Sorry." He whispered.
"You weren't at fault. So there's nothing to apologize for."
His mother's voice came from behind. Realizing that his conversation with Seokkyung was also heard by his mother.
"Omma …"
"You haven't had breakfast yet, have you? I'm bringing breakfast for you."
"Which you have to finish it, or mom won't forgive you."
"Seokkyung-ah."
"Okay, I understand." Unconsciously he smiled, the heavy feeling that had weighed on his heart earlier seemed to be lightened by the conversation he had with his sister and mother.
"Ah, before I forget. Jeni won't be there until this noon. So maybe you can steal some time to see Rona before she does."
"Oh is that so?"
"Her mother told mom earlier that Jeni has a slight fever and will only come to the hospital this afternoon after her fever has gone down. Maybe she couldn't sleep last night because she was worried about Rona."
"I'm sure she was."
"That's why we came so early. Because we're going to check on you too."
"Tch, am I a baby?"
"Do you have to be a baby for someone to take care of you?"
"Okay, okay. I understand. How come you become this annoying always nagging me, Joo Seokkyung?" He heard his mother's laughter.
"Oh, believe me, I'll become more annoying if I wanted to. When will I be able to nag my own brother if not now?"
"Yeah, yeah… whatever." He rolled his eyes.
"Okay then, see you. Bye."
Without waiting for an answer from him, his sister hung up.
He stared at his phone for a moment before lifting his eyes and looking at his reflection in the mirror. His sister's words that Jeni wouldn't be here before this noon gave him a glimmer of hope to see his beloved girl again. Without wasting any more time, he took a toothbrush to brush his teeth and again splashed water on his face. Don't forget to wet his hair a little to keep it organized after looking messy before.
The morning rituals that he used to do slowly and half asleep now he did quickly and enthusiastically. A minute later, without realizing it he now saw his reflection looked better. There was no longer a gloomy face, although the bags under his eyes were still visible. His hair was neatly arranged. At least he could see that he who had previously looked pathetic was now brighter. The small hope that Rona would wake up made him do all this. He didn't want to, when Rona opened her eyes she found him looking messy. It was a small hope, but there was nothing wrong with hoping that Rona would open her eyes when he was beside her.
***
Seokhoon walked to the nurse behind the desk not far from Rona's room not long after he stepped into the ICU room. The nurse, who was no more than his shoulder, stood in front of her desk, checking some paper. He cleared his throat as soon as he reached the table that separated him from the nurse. After approaching her, he realized that the nurse was not the same nurse at his last night's visit. He bowed to her when she saw him.
"Yes, can I help you?" She asked him after appreciating his bow.
"Can I get into that room?" He pointed to Rona's room.
"And you are?"
The question he wanted to answer was with the word 'her boyfriend'. But he had already discarded that status.
"A friend."
"I'm sorry but only her family can enter the room. Her guardian, Ms. Shim, asked us not to let anyone in."
"Ms. Shim is my mother. You can call her to check if it's true or not."
The nurse looked at him intently for a moment.
"Your name?"
"Joo Seokhoon." He took his wallet from his trouser pocket and pulled out his ID card.
After he gave his ID card, the nurse didn't instantly give permission but carefully checked the authenticity of his ID and took the phone to call someone. His mother's name came from the nurse's mouth indicating that she had called his mother to clarify. After a while, she hung up and gave his ID back before leaving the nurse's desk.
"Okay, come with me."
Seokhoon could only nod and obey the nurse's request to enter a room near the nurse's desk. After giving him the clothes that he needed to wear and helping him put it on his body, the nurse again told him to follow her. And during that time, Seokhoon could only nod and follow all her orders.
Not long after, he was standing in front of Rona's room. And now the glass in front of him is no longer his imagination that had crossed when he was washing his face earlier. The glass is the original window glass that separates it from Rona's room. But he didn't stand in front of the window for long because he was led to the door the nurse had opened for him.
"You can only stay there for no more than an hour because the doctor is scheduled to examine her an hour from now. And please be careful with the tube next to her body. It's also forbidden to touch her head or move her head." The nurse standing at the open door gave him a few things to pay attention to.
"Okay. One hour is enough." He nodded.
"All right then. I'll leave you alone. If you need anything or if something happens, you can press the button beside the bed."
After thanking her, Seokhoon walked over to where his girl lay. The oxygen tube covered almost her entire face, leaving only her closed eyes. Her face was looking smaller because of it. The sound of the machine beside her bed signaling the movement of her pulse was the only sound that could be heard. Yes, not even the usual sound of breathing from a sleeping person could be heard coming out of it. Seeing Rona's condition up close, his breath caught. There was a pain in his chest.
He took the available chair not far from where he was standing and placed it beside her bed before sitting on it. Very carefully he took her hand. He felt deja vu. A year ago he also sat beside the bed where Rona lay and held her hand. Even the situation is almost the same as Rona's head which was also bandaged. His heart ached to see Rona's condition lying weak due to what his father had done. However, even though it was similar to the current situation, now it was much more painful for him. At least a year ago, he knew Rona was just asleep. Meanwhile, now Rona closed her eyes not indicating she was sleeping but was struggling to get through critical times.
"Rona-ya..." He brought her tiny hand to his mouth before kissing the back of her hand. His tears had leaked out of his eyes, dripping down the back of her hand.
"I'm here." He recalled the events that caused Rona to be like this.
"I'm so sorry. I made you wait." His tears now started to pour out.
"I'm so sorry, I should reply to your text and ask you to not wait for me. You shouldn't wait for a bastard like me." All the things he had been holding back from yesterday he let out.
"I'm so sorry… Rona-ya, I'm so sorry." He gripped her hand tighter as he apologized over and over again. He tucked the hope that his girl would hear him in the middle of her fight to live.
***
Seokkyung didn't find her brother in the central waiting room, where her brother was sitting before she went home last night. Not even his bag was visible in the row of cream-colored chairs.
"Seokhoon might be inside." As if understanding her worries, her mother said something to ease her worries.
They walked inside the ICU and Seokkyung saw her brother's black bag on a chair not far from the nurse's desk.
"How is Bae Rona doing?" She heard her mother ask the nurse on duty.
"Still like yesterday. But the doctor will be here soon to check up on her."
"Was my son here?" Her mother asked while trying to take a glance toward Rona's room.
"It seems he's still here. This is his bag." Before the nurse answered her mother's question, Seokkyung had already informed her about her brother's possible whereabouts.
"Your son is still in Ms. Bae's room. I actually reminded him of the time he had in that room. But..."
"But?"
Instead of answering her mother's question, which also at the same time is Seokkyung's curiosity. The nurse came out of the nurse's desk and asked them to come with her. And soon the answer to her mother's question and her curiosity were answered by the view she was looking at from the glass window of the room where Rona was.
In that room, beside Rona's bed, there was the figure of her brother who was sitting asleep on the chair next to Rona's bed, with his head put on the bed beside where's Rona lying down. She could see his hand gripping Rona's tiny hand tightly.
"Is it comfortable sleeping like that?" She asked bewildering. Just looking at it made Seokkyung feel sore.
"I don't know how long he's been asleep. When I wanted to remind him of the remaining time, I already found him asleep."
She could only be silent hearing the explanation given by the nurse, as well as her mother who only looked at her brother with pitying eyes.
"To be honest, I should have woken him up to prevent anything untoward from happening. For example, he could accidentally disconnect the oxygen tube. But I noticed even in his sleep, your son is very careful and I couldn't bear to wake him. Even his hold on her hand is still tight despite him sleeping."
"Looks like he's lying when he says he slept last night. Look how comfy his sleep is." She shook her head accusing her brother of lying to them.
"It could be that he was honest when he said he slept last night. Only, maybe he slept still feeling anxious so he didn't sleep well, and being next to Rona and feeling the warmth of her body lifted all his worries."
She saw her mother answer while looking at her brother.
"It could be."
"But can we continue to let him sleep beside her?" Her mother asked the nurse.
"As I said before, the doctors will be right here to check on her. And they don't seem happy to find anyone else inside." The nurse answered her mother's question with an apologetic expression.
"Oh,"
"I'll wake him up." She quickly walked towards the door before being stopped by the nurse.
"Sorry, you can't just come in." When she wanted to inquire further about what she meant, she realized that she couldn't enter without medical clothes as a condition for entering the room.
"Let me instead. I also want to check on Rona." Before she asked the nurse to put the medical clothes on for her, her mother touched her shoulder. She wanted to protest but her mother's soft gentle gaze stopped her.
After a few minutes, she now looked at her mother who was walking toward the bed. Her mother gently touched her brother's back and bent her body so that her mouth was not far from her brother's ear as if her mother wanted to wake him up. Everything her mother did to him, she did it gently. Even so, her mother's gentle touch was able to wake Seokhoon who seemed to be shifting his head to see who woke him up. A small smile appeared on his face, following the smile that had grown on their mother's face. Seokkyung didn't hear what her mother said to her brother till he nodded before standing up and walking towards the door.
Her brother didn't directly greet her because not long after he left he followed the nurse to the room next to the nurse's desk. She saw her mother was still in the room and occupied the chair previously occupied by her brother. Her mother's soft hands were seen tidying up the blanket covering Rona's body before holding her hand. She could also see the care her mother had when she smoothed Rona's hair on the pillow before bringing Rona's hand she was holding to her mouth for a kiss. Even without an audible sound, she knew that who was most worried about Rona wasn't only her brother, but also her mother. From her gaze alone, she could tell her mother was praying for Rona to get through her critical period.
Seokkyung was still staring at the sight of her mother and Rona. If previously she felt very jealous of her mother's closeness to Rona, felt annoyed and angry at the attention her mother gave to Rona, now she honestly felt very guilty. She lowered her eyes from the view.
If only she wasn't jealous at Rona, they wouldn't be in this situation.
If only she didn't feel upset at her mother and brother for the attention they gave to Rona. Then both her mother and brother would not suffer like this.
Guilt enveloped her. This is all because of her.
If only she could defeat her jealousy and envy, she wouldn't have told Eunbyeol's presence at Rona's house which resulted in Ms. Oh's death.
If only she could hold back her anger, maybe she could live happily with her brother and mother. And her mother didn't lose her best friend. Her brother wouldn't be suffering because of what happened to Rona now.
If only …
"Mom said she would wait for the doctor to come and told us to wait in the front waiting room."
Her brother's words made her turn her head to the side and quickly wipe the unnoticeable tears from her eyes. She took a breath before putting on a smile to hide the guilt stabbed in her chest.
"Oh yeah? Then we'd better wait while you eat breakfast first." The tone that sounded a bit cheerful she tried to hide what she was feeling. She didn't want her brother to see the guilt she was feeling. It was enough that he was worried about Rona, she didn't want to add to his worries.
"I …"
"You have to eat! I don't take no!" Firmness she tried to emphasize in her order.
"Alright, I understand." She saw him reply lazily before walking past her and picking up his bag.
"But don't expect me to eat quickly because I don't have an appetite." Seokhoon turned to look at her.
"We have plenty of time. Don't worry, the important thing is that you eat and finish it." The answer she gave was returned with a small grunt by him. Soon she saw her brother walking out.
She looked back towards Rona's room and saw again her mother who from the movement of her lips seemed to be saying something to Rona.
Maybe her mother was trying to talk to Rona hoping that Rona would hear her and not give up fighting.
Or maybe her mother kept praying that Rona would get through it all.
And Seokkyung from behind the window also prayed that whatever prayers and wishes her mother and brother said would be granted.
***
The noise that filled the waiting room where she and her brother were staying didn't seem to bother him that much to finish the breakfast her mother prepared from home. He was right when he said that he wasn't going to finish it quickly because she was now impatient with her brother's slow pace of eating breakfast.
"You indeed showed me that you will eat very slowly." She commented in a slightly annoyed tone.
"Didn't you say you had plenty of time?"
"Tch," The reply given by him made her even more annoyed. But the satisfied smile that he showed afterward erased all her annoyance. Because she was happy her brother could finally smile loosely. Because she was happy that her brother looked better than yesterday.
Even though Seokkyung realized that her brother wasn't even looking well. Eye bags are clearly visible in his eyes. Not only that, his puffy eyes showed that he might be crying all night.
"Are you okay?"
"Hmm?" Seokhoon looked at her, stopping his chewing activity.
"Did you truly sleep last night?"
Seokhoon nodded as he continued his chewing.
"Then where did the eye bags come from?" Seokkyung pointed to his eyes with her index finger. He immediately turned his gaze towards the lunch box.
"I already had insomnia even before this incident." Her brother's reasoning didn't make any sense.
"You think I didn't know it didn't exist before."
"It's up to you to believe it or not."
"Then what reason are you going to give for your puffy eyes? Is it not because you'd been crying all night but had been there before this?"
"I..." She saw her brother staring at the lunch box before closing it without finishing it. "You're making me lose my appetite to finish it."
"As if you had it from the start. Don't change the topic!" Seokkyung didn't understand what she was doing. For some reason, her worry turned to anger. Why did she feel so upset and show her annoyance to her brother?
"Then what answer do you want to hear from me Joo Seokkyung? Do you want me to say yes? If that's what you want, I'll give it to you. Yes, I cried all night. I even cried earlier in Rona's room. Satisfied?" His reply pushed her to realize what she was saying was a wrong move.
"It's not like that, I-"
"So what if I can't sleep at night because I'm worried about Rona? So what if I cry all night because I'm afraid of losing Rona? I'm not you who don't have empathy and feelings of guilt. I'm not a selfish person like you who has no heart even towards the most precious people."
"OPPA!" Her brother's words upset her greatly.
"Tch!" Before Seokkyung could defend herself, her brother was walking away from her in annoyance. She don't know where he was going, because she decided not to follow him.
"Stupid!" Seokkyung vented her frustration by leaning her back against the back of the chair. She didn't care about the gazes of the people around her who witnessed the fight between her and her brother.
Her brother is wrong. She is not a stone-hearted human who has no guilt. It was precisely because she felt so guilty that she was irritated with her brother's condition. She was annoyed that her brother's guilt drove him to not take care of himself. And instead of showing her feelings of guilt, she hid them by showing her annoyance even more. Could this be because of the stupid pride that has been attached to her?
"Seokkyung-ah."
Her mother's voice woke her from her thoughts.
"Omma …"
"Where's your brother?"
"Out maybe, to get some fresh air." She gave a false excuse to her mother.
"Has he had breakfast?" She saw her mother staring at the forgotten lunchbox on the seat beside her.
"Yes, although he didn't finish it."
"Oh." Her mother then sat beside her. After her fight with her brother, she noticed that her mother also had eye bags.
"What are you thinking
"Huh?"
Her mother smiled at her confused look.
"I called you over and over but you didn't hear me." The look her mother gave her made her gulp before she averted her gaze.
"I'm just worried about that idiot." The name she gave to her brother caused her mother to chuckle.
"You'd better find him. And tell me the good news about Rona."
"Is Rona awake?" The hopeful question she asked was answered with a shake of her mother's head.
"Not yet, but earlier the doctor said that Rona has passed a critical period and we now just need to wait for her to wake up. Maybe tomorrow, if her condition is like she is now or getting better, she can be transferred to the ward."
"Really? I'll go find him."
The nod given by her mother seemed to be the reason she stood up to go look for her brother.
***
Seokhoon sighed as he looked at the large glass window in front of him. Earlier after he stormed out because he was annoyed with his sister, he accidentally found a corner of this hospital. Several small couches were seen spread out near the escalator that led to the upper floor. With a large glass that separates the outside of the hospital from the inside. And the outside is a small garden with a fountain visible not far from the glass window. Several people dressed as patients were seen doing activities in the garden full of some kind of flowers. Some of them looked joking around. Some of them were trying to learn to walk with the help of a nurse beside them. That last sight reminded him of an incident one year ago when he had helped Rona to walk.
"Are you going to allow me to support you like before?" He asked nobody in front of him because the person he was referring to was in a room on the other side of the hospital. But even if he asked her, he probably wouldn't get the answer.
"Oppa!" He heard a familiar voice behind him. His sister was seen running towards him.
"I almost gave up looking for you." Words accompanied by gasping breaths came out of Seokkyung's mouth. Reading the situation, he forgot the little fight between them earlier, and panic overtook his feelings.
"What is it?" He stood up from his seat.
"Rona…"
"What's with Rona?" He approached his sister. But without waiting for an answer from her, his panic mode brought his feet to walk past his sister to immediately go to Rona's room.
"Wait!" Seokkyung's hand grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. He took a glance at his sister's hand that was holding his arm before looking at her face.
"Earlier, mom spoke to the doctor. The doctor said that Rona has passed her critical period. We are now just waiting for her to wake up."
"Oh." The breath he had been holding he let out as a relief.
"I know you want better news than this. But I hope it can lift your worries a little." He saw his sister talking without looking him in the eye. Her gaze fell on the glossy floor of the hospital.
"Any good news about her would definitely ease my worries."
"That's good then. Maybe you should see her again now. While Jeni hasn't come yet."
The advice Seokkyung gave him made him realize that he was racing against time. The time between before and after Jeni's arrival.
"You're right." Then he started to walk towards the corner of the hospital where Rona's room was. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his sister walking beside him.
The silence of their walks reminded him again of the fight he had with his sister earlier. He looked to his side, his sister also seemed to remember the fight because she walked without her typical self-confidence steps, but walked while staring blankly towards the floor. He had never seen her walk like this. Could it be his words hurt her?
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
Unknowingly he and his sister uttered the same words. And that resulted in him exchanging glances with her who raised her gaze from the floor to him. He smiled a little.
"It seems that although we are not born from the same blood, we're used to being twins who have the same mind." His statement caused her to smile.
"Yeah, I think so too."
The smiles they gave each other brought the awkward atmosphere to disappear. But still, he had to apologize for all the mean words he addressed to his sister.
"Seokkyung-ah, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said all that and accused you of all kinds of things."
"No! It's me who should apologize to you. I should understand how you feel and have no right to stop you or nag you. No, I mean. It's not that I don't understand your feelings. Instead, I understand exactly how you feel but somehow I can't express it. I should have let you cope with your own way instead of being mad at you. I-"
"Seokkyung-ah, hey! Listen to me." The string of babblings that came out of Seokkyung's mouth caused him to grab her shoulders and force her to look at him.
"Oppa?"
"You have every right to be upset at me. I understand your concern. I realize that I added to your worries and mom's. I should have eased your burden, but instead, I added to it by doing things that made you worry. Sorry."
He saw his sister's eyes staring at him intently before giving him her trademark sly smile.
"Then stop worrying us." His sister slapped his arm lightly.
"I understand." He ruffled her hair in response before finally continuing to walk toward their destination.
***
The waiting room where their mother waited for them was already in front of them. Seokkyung's steps already felt lighter after talking with her brother during the walks. While walking toward here, she joked a little with him, even now a smile is still growing on his face and she felt a little relieved. But as soon as she saw her mother sitting with Logan beside her and Logan's trusted secretary standing beside them, she knew something was wrong. In contrast to her and her brother who came with smiling faces, the worry was clearly visible on their faces.
"Omma, did something happen?" And it seems that Seokhoon also felt the confusion she felt.
"Seokhoon-ah, Seokkyung-ah ..." She heard her mother say their names softly before she turned to look at Logan.
"What? Did something happen to Rona?" The answer her mother was holding back seemed to drive her brother into panic mode. Her mother then stood up and rubbed her brother's hand.
"Nothing happened to Rona. It's about your father."
When their mother mentioned the word 'your father', Seokkyung thought back to things they almost forgot, which she almost forgot.
Their father.
"What's with him?" Seokhoon stared at their mother.
"Your father had escaped."
***