Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

So, basically Asuka's night was ruined.

Was it really so much to ask after a long day of high school, volleyball practice, and homework that she could just sit down at her computer, pull up Tumblr, and browse art of her OTP without having fucking incest fan art shoved in her face?! Fuck, she wasn't even in the tags, this was on her main dashboard! What fucker was she following that would actually post a picture of Lelouch Lamperouge kissing his half-sister Euphemia?

She moved her mouse to the blog name ready to block immediately-

Then stopped.

It was Zero-soul.

What the fuck?

That couldn't be right. She looked over the picture again, but it was definitely Zero-soul's artstyle. She hadn't noticed at first, probably because she would have torn her own eyes out if she had kept looking at it, but the coloring was a dead giveaway. The sheer level of artistic brilliance that Zero-soul usually applied to Kallen/CC fan art, the reason Asuka followed them in the first place, was on display in this piece where Lelouch was dipping Euphemia (HIS FUCKING HALF-SISTER!!) and kissing her passionately while her hooded eyes showed both desire and longing for him.

It was one thing to see CC expressing that sort of deep yearning for Kallen, or even for Lelouch in the occasional CC/Lulu pieces that Zero-soul made (many of which portrayed Lelouch as a trans girl, which was cool if not how Asuka interpreted things). It was a whole other thing to see it in fucking incest fan art! That was obviously disgusting!

She clicked on Zero-soul's icon, then opened the messenger.

Hey, what the fuck? You ship incest now?

I have shipped incest the whole time.

That's fucking disgusting!

What's wrong with you?

Right. I'm going to block you now.

Wait!

Asuka tensed. On the one hand, yes Zero-soul was apparently a disgusting proshipper, which was gross and Asuka should really just tell her to kill herself and move on. But on the other hand, Zero-soul was single handedly responsible for eighty percent of Asuka's favorite pics of her OTP. And since Code Geass wasn't exactly the most active fandom, this was not the least dry well.

Look, don't block me.

Why not?

My blog has way more followers than yours.

You get an uptick in commissions every time I reblog you, don't you?

There was a pause before:

I believe so. Yes.

Right.

So it's better for you if you don't.

And you're going to keep reblogging from an artist who ships incest?

Well WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT?!

Seriously, why are you posting that nasty shit on the internet for everyone to see?

If you look, you will see that I tagged it appropriately.

You should really blacklist the Shipcest tag.

I shouldn't have to.

People shouldn't do that.

And yet.

Seriously, you know incest is fucked up, right?

I do.

Then why do you ship it?!??!

It makes me happy.

So you just have no morals?

I have not said I won't block you.

It's morally wrong.

In real life, yes.

But it doesn't hurt anyone if it remains fictional.

It doesn't matter if it's fictional, incest is wrong period!

By all means, unfollow.

That isn't the point!

Asuka leaned over her keyboard, fingers ready to respond to whatever Zero-soul ended up saying. But they were taking a while to respond.

She scowled and stood up from her computer chair. She needed a snack and probably some caffeine if she was going to keep talking to some proship freak.

"Why do they always have the best art?" She lamented on her way to the kitchen. "It's such a fucking waste."

When she got back to the computer with a granola bar and a can of Mountain Dew, Zero-soul still hadn't responded. Cold dread settled in Asuka's stomach as she contemplated the possibility the artist had gone ahead and blocked her anyway. She refreshed the page…

...then sighed in relief when the blog was still there instead of that "This blog appears to be empty" shit Tumblr liked to pull when you were blocked.

She scrolled lower on her dash, keeping the messenger open in case Zero-soul responded. She liked a couple of Tik Toks, a shitpost that was mildly funny, and reblogged someone's GoFundMe for surgery. Apparently someone on her dash still wasn't over Voltron's ending, even though that was literally years ago, dude! Shut up about Pidge!

As far as I'm concerned, if it does not hurt anyone it's fine.

Ah, they were back! About time. Asuka was just about to go to YouTube to be bored over there instead.

Triggering incest victims doesn't hurt anyone?!

If someone is triggered by Lelouch/Euphy, they should blacklist the Luluphy tag.

If someone is triggered by incest they should blacklist the Shipcest tag.

And what about people who can't?

If you cannot use Tumblr's curation tools, you should not use Tumblr.

That's ableist.

If you are unable to operate a car's safety features you should not drive.

It is the same thing.

Just say you hate incest victims and go.

You are not convincing me not to block you.

Dude, just delete the incest fan art.

I am not doing that.

Why would you want to ship Lelouch with his sister?!

It makes me happy.

Incest makes you happy?!

Lelouch/Euphy makes me happy.

Incest makes you happy.

Fictional incest makes me happy.

That's fucked. You should get help.

I will tell my therapist that a stranger online has a problem with my coping mechanism.

Coping with what? Being a freak?

Sexual trauma.

Asuka choked on her soda. The coughing fit that came from that was bad, especially since some of it got in her sinuses which burned like a motherfucker. By the time she was done pounding a fist against her own chest and wiping her eyes, Zero-soul had already added:

It's getting late. I am going to bed. Feel free to unfollow me if you do not like what I post.

"Fuck you!" Asuka shouted out loud at her computer screen. "You're just gonna drop that and then bounce? What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Chapter Text

Waking up to about twelve Tumblr messages was not common for Rei, but it had happened before. What was uncommon was all of them being from the same person. Apparently Kallensbitch did not like that she had gone to bed at a reasonable time instead of staying up and arguing with a weirdo.

Well that was her problem.

She left them unread all through breakfast and instead tried her best to engage her brother's small talk. Generally it was Misato's role to maintain a conversation, and she was sleeping off a hangover, so the sound of silverware against porcelain bowls far outweighed the sound of either of their voices.

Still, she hugged her brother before she returned to her room for the day. He deserved it, and she knew it made him happy.

When she sat down at her computer, that was when she decided to actually read whatever it was Kallensbitch had sent her. Most of it was discourse-typical verbal abuse, though there was one point, buried under layers of profanity and invective, that Rei did want to address.

What does it mean to say something is wrong if it does not hurt anyone?

She wasn't expecting an immediate reply. It was still early, and Kallensbitch had been up late. Instead, she checked her activity feed. Many likes and a few reblogs for her latest piece, mostly from the usual suspects, including a couple of trusted mutuals. The audience was there, but compared to her other pieces it was small.

It really would be a shame to lose Kallensbitch as a follower. As much as she might feign otherwise, she did notice every time Kallensbitch reblogged a piece it saw a large uptick in attention, and she hadn't been wrong that Rei got more commissions when she reblogged them. Moreover, she was the type to gush in the tags, and it was a sizable ego boost.

Still, if the cost of that was dealing with verbal abuse over her comfort ships it was not worth it.

She could, she considered, make a side blog for her incest and age gap works, but that would mean trying to cultivate an audience from scratch all over again. And she had tried the sideblog thing before and it had been shadowbanned after what she could only assume was a large number of antishippers making erroneous reports. She wasn't cut out for the sideblog life.

You need me to explain to you how incest is wrong?

Ah, there she was.

No.

Incest is wrong because it hurts people.

I need you to explain how making Lelouch/Euphy fan art is wrong.

Because it's incest!

It's not real.

And that makes it okay?!

No one is being hurt by Lelouch/Euphy fan art.

It can be used to groom people!

Rei frowned.

Anything can be used to groom people.

That's no excuse.

It isn't an excuse.

We cannot ban works on the basis that it can hypothetically be used to groom people.

We would not be able to make anything.

You mean we wouldn't be able to make incest and pedo shit.

Anything.

People are groomed using vanilla ships as well.

People are groomed using toys and candy and anything a groomer can get their hands on.

That's different!

Because incest fan art makes you feel icky?

BECAUSE IT NORMALIZES THIS SHIT!

Everytime you post incest and pedo shit it makes people think that shit is okay!

That isn't true.

It is!

It fucking is!

It makes kids think those relationships are normal and it makes predators think it's okay to be predators!

It takes more than fan art to make a child think incest or pedophilia is normal.

How would you know?

Experience.

Rei stood up from her desk. She was getting genuinely upset, and her therapist had told her that social media arguments were not a good use of her time.

She glanced at the clock and realized it was a few minutes past time to take her pills, so she left the room to do that. In the hallway, she found Shinji just outside her door.

He looked startled.

"Hey, Rei." He said, a little falteringly. "I just… wanted to make sure you took your meds."

"I was just about to." She answered, more curtly than she had intended.

Apparently he picked up on that. "Are you alright?"

She breathed. "Arguments on the internet. I'm fine." He seemed unconvinced, so she added, "Thank you."

"What are you arguing about?" He offered.

"Shipping."

He looked confused. "Like, mail? Or…"

"Fictional characters." She corrected him. "Making them kiss. You've seen my art."

"Oh right! That makes more sense." His expression indicated otherwise. "People argue about that?"

"Apparently." She stepped past him to make her way to the bathroom and the medicine cabinet.

He was still outside her door when she returned, and he gave her a half-hearted thumbs-up. "Give 'em hell?"

She just… nodded. And closed the door between them.

What do you mean experience?!??

You can't just say that and leave it!

You can't just claim you have trauma that gives you special insight without elaborating.

It's bullshit.

Rei sighed as she sat back down in her chair.

You must really have a crush on me to get this heated.

You want to kiss me so bad.

Then she leaned back and waited for the inevitable…

WTF

What the fuck is wrong with you??!?!!

I'm a minor!!!

So am I.

You should probably fucking say that somewhere on your blog!

You have zero information on there.

I don't go advertising myself to predators.

Fuck you!

It's basic information!

Age, pronouns, that sort of thing.

Minor.

She/they.

Is that so hard?

Do you want my location too?

I like long walks on the beach…

I'm supposed to believe you're some kind of victim when you act like this?

How does a victim act?

They don't promote incest, for one.

Incest victims often cope in messy ways.

And you would know?

Intimately.

Rei pulled out her art tablet and opened Photoshop. Let Tumblr and Kallensbitch stew on that for a while. She had more important things to do than worry about what a stranger thought.

Still… Kallen/CC sounded pretty good right now.

Chapter Text

The back and forth had been decidedly unproductive. Somehow, Zero-soul could not get it through her/their thick skull that if incest is immoral (it is), you shouldn't go around celebrating it in your fan art!

Eventually it petered out and neither of them responded to the other. Still, Asuka did not unfollow Zero-soul, and Zero-soul did not block Asuka. Things more or less carried on as they had before, with Asuka even reblogging Zero-soul's next Kallen/CC piece which was gorgeous . The subtle teasing in CC's expression while Kallen shouted at her both frustrated and obviously turned on. It was a perfect encapsulation of their dynamic and what made it work for Asuka as a ship.

Obviously this was the sort of thing Zero-soul should focus on. Not the incest crap that made Asuka feel sick and probably gave incest victims a panic attack.

She still just did not seem to get that. Zero-soul was a CSA victim, Asuka had gotten that much. Shouldn't she, of all people, get that this stuff is damaging?

On the bottom right corner of Asuka's computer screen, Zero-soul's icon wiggled, indicating a new message.

Can I ask you something?

Asuka grinned. Maybe she was actually making more progress than she thought she was.

Shoot.

Why do you watch Code Geass?

What the fuck did that mean? Why does anyone watch anything? Yes, Asuka loved the show, but it's not really deeper than that. Giant robots, violence, revolution, drama, and sexy, sexy girls in skintight pilot suits. Plus Kallen being a mood at all times to the point that Asuka sometimes wondered if she was fictionkin.

Because it's a good show?

I don't understand.

You think it is immoral to enjoy fictional incest, yes?

Yes.

It is wrong to get off to incest.

But Code Geass has incest.

Canonically, Lelouch and Euphemia are in love.

That's different!

How so?

It isn't portrayed as a good thing!

It is.

If Lelouch and Euphemia had gotten together, the slaughter of the Japanese would not have happened.

It's not!

At no point is the fact that it would be incest a problem.

The tragedy is that they do not get together.

You're reaching!

Moreover, Cornelia's incestuous love for her sister is her redeeming virtue.

Look

You have to watch shows critically

You don't have to think everything in a show is okay to watch it.

You can enjoy Code Geass and still know incest is fucked up.

What is the difference between that and shipping something you would condemn?

The difference is you don't get off to the incest!

You think that part of the show is bad!

You get that I don't like the incest in Code Geass, right?

But you still support a show that "promotes incest."

Code Geass is also pretty homophobic and I can condemn that too.

I don't support the incest though!

It seems to me that if you can recognize that the incest and the homophobia is bad but still like the show, you can recognize that incest is immoral and still like a ship.

That's not the same at all!

If you want to argue that you have to do something like make an au where they aren't related.

I don't celebrate the incest in my fan fics like you do in your art.

You write fan fics?

You aren't recognizing that incest is wrong if you like that the ships are incest.

Yes, I do.

On Ao3?

Yeah.

Where else?

Do I seem like one of those LiveJournal dorks to you?

Hm

What does that mean?!

Nothing.

Can you admit that it's different?

I will admit that they are not exactly the same.

It still seems hypocritical to attack fan artists over something you give a mainstream show a pass on.

I don't give it a pass!

You definitely seem less bothered by it.

Have you ever sent the showrunners angry DMs over their canon incest?

What, like actual showrunners are gonna listen to me?

That would be a waste of time.

Mainstream stuff is big and everywhere.

One person can't change that.

At least with fan artists you might get somewhere.

So then it's because we're weak and vulnerable then.

Because we don't have the cultural cache to defend ourselves.

If you want me to feel bad for bullying freaks, you're barking up the wrong tree.

Incest and pedo fetishizers deserve what they get.

An interesting hypothesis.

And I suppose fuck all the victims using it to cope as well?

That's not coping.

That's just retraumatizing yourself.

My therapist begs to differ.

No real therapist would ever say that!

Stop lying!

I didn't realize you had a degree in psychology.

You must be very talented to have one at 14.

It's common fucking sense!

Common sense is just personal biases dressed up as wisdom.

It rarely maps accurately to reality.

And even if it was a coping mechanism that's no excuse to post that shit online!

Why don't you just keep it private?

Because I'm not the only one who needs it.

Because when I was hurting, other people's art helped me.

Because sometimes I feel gross and bad and wrong and it helps to know that I'm making other people happy too.

But still

And because it gets likes and reblogs which fuels my ego.

What if someone saw your incest shit and thought it was okay to rape their sister?

You might as well ask what if someone saw Code Geass and thought it was okay to commit murder.

That's different!

It is.

As you said, Code Geass is mainstream.

It's big and everywhere.

Whereas my fan art is small and on Tumblr.

Murder is different from rape!

You will note that I do not draw rape art.

Currently.

Murder is different from incest!

CURRENTLY??!?!

Both are immoral.

Both are depicted positively in fiction.

Both can be enjoyed in fiction by people who realize they are wrong in real life.

You can't compare the two!

People aren't getting off to murder!

Some people are.

When you jack off to something you associate it with sexual pleasure!

You condition yourself to think it's okay!

Human brains aren't that simple.

Eventually fictional shit isn't enough!

You make a lot of assumptions about a stranger's sexual habits.

That's why porn addicts become rapists!

That isn't even a real thing.

That's radfem anti-sex rhetoric you're regurgitating.

Did you just call me a terf!?!

No.

But that is where your rhetoric comes from.

Fuck you!

Asuka actually shut off her computer, she was so pissed. Poisoning the well like that? Who did Zero-soul think she was?!

How was she even supposed to argue with that? Zero-soul was some kind of trans, judging by her/their pronouns, but Asuka didn't know what kind. And Asuka was cis, as far as she knew so far, so she couldn't even tell her off for saying that without coming across as even more of a transphobe.

It was bullshit!!

Chapter Text

Rei had to admit, Kallensbitch really did understand the appeal of Kallen/CC. Her fics on Ao3 were top-tier and decidedly underrated. It was almost a wonder Rei had not read any of them already.

Their stylus moved across their drawing tablet as their eyes glanced between their two monitors. This was probably why, actually. The difficulty of drawing and reading at the same time did make it problematic to consume as much fan fiction for their ships as Rei would like.

They may need to rectify that, however, if other fan fics are as inspiring as this one.

They went over the description of the action one more time just to make sure they had their subject's poses completely correct, then scrolled back up to the descriptions of their outfits. Kallen and CC needed to look perfect if they wanted to actually capture the feeling this fic gave them.

On a separate tag, their Tumblr made a notification sound. Satisfied that they had reached a natural point in their work for a break, they clicked the tab.

Are you following me?

Ah. Read the devil's fan fic…

I am.

Now we are mutuals.

...why?

Do I need a reason?

I mean, yes?

Technically you're on my DNI.

You have one of those?

It's on my Carrd!!

You have one of those?

It's linked in my pinned post!!!

You have one of those?

Birch!

Bitch*

DNIs are voided if you interact first.

You should still ask to follow!

Fine.

May I follow your Tumblr?

Do what you want.

I don't care.

Rei actually laughed at that. A short cough of a laugh, but a laugh. They must be in a good mood for that to happen.

I will.

I found your Ao3.

How do you know it's mine?

You have the same username.

Fuck

Forgot about that.

You are very good.

You think so?

I finished "Though The Heavens Fall" last night.

I enjoyed it.

Really?

I'm glad to hear that!

That one was actually partly inspired by one of your pics.

I noticed.

Though I didn't want to assume.

The scene in the elevator felt familiar.

Yeah!

The way Kallen is feeling emotionally compromised and wants some kind of acknowledgement from CC

But CC doesn't want to admit that she has any kind of feelings for Kallen because she's still clinging to her witch persona

So she ends up goading Kallen to push her away

And Kallen knows she deserves better but that doesn't change what she WANTS

It's just so THEM!!!

They deserve to find solace in each other.

THEY DO!!!

God, I don't see how you can go for incest when this is right here!

Rude.

I can do both.

Yeah but why?

You wouldn't want to fuck a sibling, right?

Rei's stylus stopped moving.

The image came unbidden.

They could feel their heart rate spiking and their throat drying as anxiety started to creep its way up their spine.

They shut their eyes and started their breathing technique, counting breaths while the ringing in their ears rose in volume.

These thoughts were not them. They had to remember that. Just thoughts. Not desires. Not fantasies. Not some dark side of themself they have been denying.

Just thoughts.

Let them pass, and think of something else.

It was easy enough. Replace Shinji with Lelouch. Replace themself with Euphemia. Separate fact from fiction, slide from one thought to another, and find comfort in the new thought.

Gently, their heart rate eased. The ringing quieted. The anxiety lifted.

Please don't say that.

But you wouldn't, right?

I'm serious.

You almost gave me a panic attack.

Please respect that.

Oh shit!

I'm sorry

I didn't mean to

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

I will be fine.

That's a trigger for you isn't it?

It is.

I didn't know.

I don't blame you.

Just don't bring it up again.

Please.

I won't

Shit I'm so sorry

It's okay.

I

Need to go for a bit.

Okay sure just

Stay safe

They set their tablet aside and stood up from their desk. Anxiety always ate through their blood sugar and left them drained and light-headed. They needed a snack.

When they got to the kitchen, Shinji was already there getting a snack of his own.

"Oh, hey." He smiled at them. "You want some popcorn?"

The image flashed through their mind again, but they let it pass. It was easier the second time. Instead, they moved forward and hugged him around the middle.

"Woah!" He stumbled off balance for a second before catching himself on the counter. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." Was all they said, though they held him tighter.

He hugged them back, a little uncertain. Physical touch was rare between them even before everything happened, but every now and then there would be a hug or a shoulder touch. Never anything more affectionate than this.

Rei knew that siblings could be more physical than this without it meaning anything, but they weren't willing to risk it. The idea of doing anything sexual with him turned their stomach on its own. But more than that, they would never do that to him. They would never put him through that.

The thoughts were just thoughts. The weren't weren't who Rei was.

Chapter Text

She heard the notification sound immediately, but didn't click away from her WIP until she had at least three more paragraphs written. She was getting to the good part, and she wanted to keep that momentum going.

When she finally did mouse over to Tumblr, she saw the message was from her friend and classmate Mari.

Hey, Asuka?

The skinny goth boy from that show you like

The girl in the wheelchair is his sister, right?

Yeah, Lelouch and Nunnaly.

Why?

You might wanna check out that artist you just reblogged.

She made a picture of them kissing.

Asuka's brow furrowed.

She hadn't seen that, but just in case she clicked over to Zero-soul's blog. It was a few posts down, but she did find Tumblr's trusty "This post contains the filtered tag #Nunnalouch". So Mari was right.

Asuka's finger hovered over the "view post" button as morbid curiosity needled at her brain, but she resisted. Instead, she messaged Zero-soul directly.

You really ship Nunnalouch too?

I've always been a multishipper.

Should I assume you are not the anon in my inbox?

You're getting anon hate?

It would seem someone found my blog.

Someone who thinks I should "deepthroat a rusty sword".

Fuck.

I'm sorry.

Are you?

Yes!

It's actually more than one.

I've blocked three of them now.

The sword thing was the most graphic so far.

I mean really

What do you expect if you're posting incest though?

People are gonna be upset.

And when people are upset they tell you to "take a long walk off a tall building and do the world a favor"?

That's reasonable to you?

I'm not saying I condone it.

You should only say that shit to, like, actual pedophiles.

Cold comfort.

Considering these people think I'm an actual pedophile.

Maybe if you tell people you do it to cope?

Sure. And then they can say I deserved to have my father rape me.

Assuming they believe me in the first place.

Asuka had to stifle a gag.

That was definitely more information than she ever thought she was going to get, and way more information than she was emotionally prepared for at the time.

I've been down that road before.

Antishippers don't care.

They don't care about real people.

They care about winning ship wars and having someone to hurt.

Asuka wanted to argue. But what they were saying was hard to argue with. Hell, it's not like Asuka never told a pedoshipper to commit unalive. Not like she asked if they were coping with something beforehand. Not like it would've made a difference.

So why do you do it?

Why do you post that stuff, even when this is what happens?

Because fuck them.

Because they're wrong.

Because I'm not doing anything wrong and they don't get to bully and harass me into giving up something that makes me happy.

Asuka didn't have a response to that. She didn't have anything to say against it, but she couldn't just agree with it. They were still talking about freak shit.

Zero-soul didn't deserve harassment, but what was Asuka going to say? "Hell yeah, stick it to the kids who don't want to see incest and pedophilia on Tumblr"?

She clicked over to Mari.

Hey, can you still see the blog?

Nah. She blocked me after I sent her a couple messages.

Yeah?

What'd you send her?

The usual.

Nothing super clever, just basic KYS.

You know she's fourteen, right?

Shit really?

Welp

Better learn fast.

Maybe she was groomed into it, but she needs to get out while she can.

Otherwise she's just another predator in training.

I think she was groomed.

She mentioned it before somewhere.

Then this is a good lesson for her.

What if she actually does hurt herself, though?

I'm not going to apologize for bullying a freak.

I don't care what sob story she has, incest and pedophilia are evil.

There's no excuse.

Asuka minimized that convo.

The problem was, everything Mari was saying made sense, at least when it came to actual adult proshippers. Zero-soul might be stubborn and hard-headed, but Asuka hadn't quite given up hope that they would figure this shit out and become a better person.

That wasn't going to happen while people were sending her anons telling her to kill herself.

She clicks back to Zero-soul.

So how are you holding up?

I think I blocked everyone.

A couple of them sent actual gore pics.

Luckily that doesn't bother me.

Right but

How are YOU holding up?

I don't actually know.

Right now I just feel numb.

That's how I usually feel when this happens.

Does it happen a lot?

Average once a month.

Sometimes it's bigger or smaller.

You would think blocking would make it happen less.

And maybe it does.

Scary to think what it would look like if I didn't block people.

I'm

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I don't think you deserved it.

No.

But you think some people do.

You think this is a normal reaction to someone shipping something you don't like.

Are you

Mad at me right now?

I don't know.

I'm still numb.

I just think you should know what you're supporting.

Asuka sighed and minimized that convo too.

Maybe it did suck that underage incest victims got caught in the crossfire, but what was the alternative? Just let people promote incest and pedophilia on the internet?

Zero-soul's solution was just to let people ship what they want and tell all the normal people to block and blacklist it. But the problem was that kids could still see it, even by accident. Kids who don't know better and will think that shit is okay.

You can't just leave freaks alone. The problem isn't that you don't like their ships, the problem is that they're fucking pedophiles and incest supporters! You don't solve that problem by letting them be pedophiles and incest supporters, you solve it by making them stop doing that shit!

And apparently you solve it by telling incest survivors to kill themselves.

Asuka slumped in her chair.

There had to be some kind of middle ground. Or at least a general understanding that you don't tell minors to kill themselves or self-harm. But then Zero-soul didn't list her age or even their pronouns. Mari and the others had no way to know she was a minor or a survivor. If they weren't willing to disclose that information, then she's going to be treated like every other proshipper. That's just how the world works.

Idly, Asuka brought up the text document with her current WIP in it and stared at the words written there. She wanted to keep going, but all her creative energy seemed to have vanished.

Chapter Text

Rei made absolutely sure every line, every shadow, and every particle effect was up to her standards for a third time before declaring the piece finished. It wasn't a commission, but it was a gift, and she wasn't about to give a gift that wasn't up to her standards. Properly researched, meticulously referenced, and dripping with emotion (she had fussed with their expressions for hours) this Kallen/CC piece was perhaps a magnum opus.

She sent the link.

Happy Birthday.

She shouldn't have felt nervous. It wasn't like Kallensbitch stopped liking her art just because she hadn't reblogged any since that day. Rei knew what happened to antishippers who didn't toe the party line, and she didn't begrudge Kallensbitch for keeping herself safe.

A part of her wondered why she even cared what Kallensbitch thought, but really she knew why. They thought of her as, if not a friend, then at least friendly.

OMG!

Holy shit!!

Holy shit this is PERFECT!!!

Thank you so much!!

I'm glad you like it.

It's amazing!

You got their outfits exactly how I was picturing them!

I'm gonna die!

I'm gonna legit fucking die and die happy!

You're the best!

Rei smiled. It was a relief, honestly. Frankly, with all the work she put in it would have been a waste if Kallensbitch didn't like it.

Are you going to post this?

You should post this.

It's SO GOOD!!

If it's alright with you, I'll post it.

It's a gift, after all.

Of course it's alright with me!

Everyone should see this fucking masterpiece!

So Rei posted it. She made sure the description linked to the fic in question, which would hopefully send some new readers that way. While Rei wasn't as gifted at gushing as Kallensbitch was, she did think similarly of her writing.

They were surprised when Kallensbitch reblogged it though.

Your friends won't notice you reblogging from a known incest shipper?

I'm willing to take the chance.

Look

You make good art.

I should be able to acknowledge that even if you do ship things that make me retch.

I mean fuck

Everyone has something problematic right?

That is generally true, yes.

Right.

Guilty pleasures and whatever.

I'm not passing up having this on my blog over Nunnalouch.

A healthy attitude to take.

Rei didn't think of themself as trying to convert Kallensbitch, but there was a certain flutter of pride at the possibility they might be getting through to her.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Go ahead.

Why do you ship incest?

Like

You said it makes you happy

I get that

Sort of

But like

What's the appeal?

What am I getting out of the incest ships I can't get elsewhere?

Yeah, that.

It's a malformed question.

For most incest shippers it isn't about the incest.

People just don't have the same reaction to fictional incest as real incest.

So they ship incest the same way they ship anything.

Okay. But what about you?

I mean, incest is a trigger for you, right?

So why ship it?

For me…

Rei sat back in their chair. What all were they actually willing to share here? How much could she actually trust Kallensbitch with this information?

She had just risked harassment and organization from her friends for the sake of Rei's art. Which also meant she probably valued their relationship to around the same degree Rei did.

And it might be nice to confide in someone besides her therapist.

It gives my feelings somewhere to go.

Lets me do something with them that isn't just sitting with them or acting on them.

I think what happened with my father convinced my brain that families show love in…

Incorrect ways.

Even though I know better, there is a part of me that thinks loving siblings should kiss.

Among other things.

And so I have intrusive thoughts sometimes.

And I hate them.

I hate feeling that way about my brother.

I'm not attracted to him.

But I feel like I'm supposed to be.

Like if I'm not it means I don't love him.

Like if he loved me he would do those things with me.

And if I dwell too long on those thoughts I start to spiral.

When I imagine Lelouch and Euphie

Or Lelouch and Nunnally

I can work through those feelings safely.

Lelouch and her sisters can't get hurt.

Lelouch and her sisters can be happy and in love without it meaning anyone is hurting anyone.

And if it ever gets to be too much, I can stop.

It feels so good to be able to just stop

Whenever I want

Whenever I'm scared or uncomfortable.

Does that make sense? At all?

Kallensbitch didn't answer immediately. Rei pensively re-read everything she had written. She felt vulnerable. It was an unpleasant feeling, like she had taken off a breastplate and was waiting for a spear to go through her chest.

It does.

A little.

Good.

But don't you worry that you're slowing down your recovery?

You should be trying to make those feelings go away, shouldn't you?

Recovery isn't a binary thing.

Having a safe outlet for my feelings is better than nothing.

And in many cases feelings like that can't be eliminated entirely.

Recovery is often about dealing with trauma responses more than getting rid of them.

Okay but what about the other people?

What about people without trauma who are romanticizing what happened to you?

Thank god for them.

Seriously?

I was using their ship art before I started making my own.

I owe my life to untraumatized Lelouch/Euphy shippers who just think the ship is cute.

Quite literally.

If only victims were allowed to ship incest there would be almost nothing to use.

Besides. They aren't hurting anyone.

They're normalizing it though.

There would be fewer victims if people didn't romanticize incest.

Do you genuinely believe that Lelouch/Euphy fan art has a measurable effect on incest rates?

Maybe not on its own but it doesn't help.

When people see incest ships everywhere they think it's okay.

Do you?

No!

Despite seeing incest ships?

That's different.

Is it?

You know incest is wrong.

No amount of Luluphy fan art is changing that.

I know incest is wrong.

No amount of actively shipping incest is changing that.

Normalization is more complicated than "this exists so it must be okay."

We are not passive consumers of fiction.

We are active in our engagement.

I don't know.

You're still trying to justify portraying incest as a good thing.

It's still incest.

I'm not a deontologist.

Actions should be judged by their effects, not some nebulous essence.

Maybe.

Thanks for answering.

When's your birthday?

The last week of March.

I don't really celebrate it though.

Why?

Obviously so I can start working on a present for you. Duh.

It won't be one of your incest ships.

But I think I can write a perfect Kallen/CC fic for you.

That sounds lovely.

Kallen/CC is still my OTP anyway.

Yes!

Best ship!

Rei took a deep breath, held it, then let it out. This was a surprisingly productive talk, actually. It really did feel good to talk about this with… with a friend.