Chapter Text
It’s Day 152 – about five months since Giselle graduated from Tokyo Performing Arts University as a jobless twenty-something. Don’t get her wrong, she’s been job searching, showing up to interviews, even auditioned once for this insignificant entertainment, only to pass unintentionally and notify the staff that she’s interested in the behind-the-scenes career rather than the idol-life. Needless to say, the staff member hung up on her.
So Giselle sluggishly wakes up in the middle of October, smelling the aroma of spice and nuts beyond the four walls of her bedroom. It could very well be chili oil noodles. Noticing the empty bed next to hers, she confirms that it’s her precious roommate Minjeong in the kitchen. After stretching her limbs, she grabs the phone at her bedside and notices the time first. It’s almost noon and that’s no surprise to her. But what causes her eyes to double their size is a voicemail message from an unknown number. It’s the first unknown number in three weeks from her last failed interview. It’s only been less than 24 hours since the three interviews she's waiting for so she keeps her expectations somewhat low as she dials back the number.
“Hi, could we speak to Giselle?” A deep voice asks from the other line.
“You’re speaking to her,” Giselle replies calmly, contrary to the million thoughts circling her head. ‘Okay… It’s not a wrong number, thank god.’ is one of them.
“This is SM Entertainment. We were extremely impressed by you at the interview and would like to offer you the position of the job you applied for.”
Giselle almost yelps starting from the first sentence. Out of all the interviews she attended yesterday, she least expected it from SM. After all, the interviewer did not seem pleased. He didn’t seem displeased either. However, perhaps SM wants to maintain their mysterious reputation even for staff. Giselle almost wants to clarify if this is truly SM and not some conman since she's aware that SM Entertainment doesn't disclose their identity to potential trainees that they scout through social media. But that's for idols, she reasons. Scam or not, she wants the job. She wants it bad, so she internally dismisses her worries of negative possibilities and goes after what she wants.
“I, um… God– sorry, I’m so happy. When do I start?”
“We will send you an email with more details including log-in information for our site and where you should report to. As you stated in your application, you’re able to start ‘As soon as possible,’ so would tomorrow work?”
“Yes, that works perfectly. Thank you so much.”
Giselle squeals into her pillow as soon as the line cuts off. She runs into the kitchen and hugs Minjeong, who is currently in the middle of setting the table with utensils and glasses. Minjeong is astonished when Giselle breaks the good news to her, but who wouldn’t be?
“So who are you going to be styling, hm? Oh my gosh, if you style Taeyeon I will actually be so honored to be your friend. Not that I wasn’t up until now–” Giselle jokingly raises an eyebrow at Minjeong's remarks, but her smile remains on her lips. She owes Minjeong so much that she would forgive the latter for being opportunistic for once. Friends for 14 years and roommates since college, there’s no fight that could end their friendship. In addition to that, Minjeong introduced her to the woman she loves the most. That woman also happens to not be here to celebrate her successes.
Minjeong waves her empty fork in the air, her feet up on the chair. “... But still, you get me! So who is it?”
Giselle shrugs with a small smile of longing. She could care less about who she had to style. All she’s got in her mind is the woman named Yu Jimin.
“Not sure. But whoever that person is, a job is a job. I’ll cherish the opportunity to work with them.”
…
Giselle realizes that she probably should’ve cared more about who she’d be in charge of styling. Yet, due to the natural feelings of anxiety and anticipation, she tries to distract herself from feeling fear of the unknown. Somehow, she made it to her first day. Without even meeting her designated celebrity yet, she feels as if she’s gone through loads of work. From having to fill out what seemed like a stapled 20-page document pledging to abide by SM Entertainment’s privacy policy in order to get her badge at the Human Resources department to navigating the huge building and making it to a random room on the 12th floor – obviously by elevator – she realizes that she’s not a celebrity. Arguably, she’s far from one. Sitting on a couch in the backstage room, she’s now on her phone in the middle of checking her Superstar SM rank for the week. Since she’s been unemployed until today, she excels in her game and expectedly is able to move up a rank. Silver II. She checks the challenge song for today and pouts because she doesn’t recognize it. It seems to be a new release.
Dreams Come True (rendition), Ningning.
Ningning?
“Yes, that’s me.”
Giselle’s first reaction is ‘Fuck, did I say that out loud?’. She makes a smarter decision not to say that out loud this time around. Her second reaction is that she needs to see the owner of that soft, melodic voice. So she does something about it and she lifts her face from her phone, subsequently slipping it in her pocket and standing up to meet her face to face.
The girl was short, relative to other celebrities that Giselle has already come across when she entered the agency building. She has a right to make that deduction because the girl is about an inch or two shorter than herself. Yet, from the girl’s proportions that align with society's beauty standards, Giselle could see why the girl could seem a lot taller than she actually was. The girl’s hair was a light hazelnut brown, wavy falling past her shoulders and her eyes… her eyes were beautiful.
It's almost a pity that they'd be hidden behind those obnoxious colored contacts.
“Oh, uh. N-Nice to meet you. I’m Giselle, your new stylist.”
Ningning’s manager and bodyguard are on either side of her, but that’s not the reason Giselle is internally in shambles. Ningning steps closer to her and her eyes scan her face like it’s the iPhone Face ID feature trying to recognize it. Her poker face finally changes and is replaced by a small smile and soft gaze. The change gets Giselle to gain the confidence to meet her eyes once again.
Cute . The younger of the two thinks, but says something that doesn’t give the slightest hint of that thought.
“You’ve got a big day ahead of you, hope you’re ready for it.”
Nothing could’ve made Giselle ready for Ningning.
…
Ningning is very flirty. It must be something about being babied by her seniors and being insanely adored by her managers, cameramen, and everyone she comes across. Giselle wasn’t safe from her flirtatious antics. She almost wonders where the singer gets her energy from, as she reflects on the packed schedule that only allows her three hours of sleep on most days.
After their first meeting, Ningning had two schedules. One of them was her comeback stage on Music Bank. Giselle took everything into account – from what kind of stage Ningning would be performing on down to the makeup style. As the makeup artist informed her that she’d be going for a soft, innocent look, with pink and coral tones around her eyes, she nodded her head along, taking small notes on her notepad. From a distance, Ningning couldn’t help but stare. Ningning had a natural curiosity for new people. I mean, everyone does; however, Ningning’s curiosity burned like a flame.
When Giselle and the makeup artist were done discussing, the artist called over Ningning. Giselle stood there, her voice nowhere to be found. Ningning walked over, her steps confident and light.
“Yes, Sumin unnie?”
“Ms. Giselle should be ready for you.”
Giselle’s eyes widened when Ningning turned to her. In her mind, she excused it as being starstruck, but Ningning interpreted it as lovestruck. I mean, Ningning... Ningning was really gorgeous and on top of having never met a celebrity in person before, the first one she meets had to be just alluring and seductive by nature. Witnessing Giselle’s flustered expression and her quick uptake to turn to her notepad, Ningning felt a new type of confidence within her. She stepped forward once again, closing the space between them.
“F-Follow me to the dressing room.” Before the singer could do anything else, Giselle blurts the jumbled command out at once, turning to head off to the said destination.
“Oh, I will… Erhm, unnie ?” Ningning calls her, testing the waters.
Giselle lifted her head from the notepad in confusion, “‘Unnie’?” Her eyes met Ningning’s.
“Eung.” Ningning replied cutely, which does certain things to Giselle’s heart, “I asked Manager-oppa. You were born in 2000, so you’re two years older.”
Giselle nodded in understanding, opening the door, expecting to see staff other than themselves. However, to her demise, she had just walked into a space where Ningning thrived the most.
A place with no cameras. A place with no eyes to watch her with judgment and critiques.
The solo artist smiles again, her eyes showing a glint of mischief, mentally loading her next bullet.
She pulls the trigger.
“So, can I call you unnie? Or would you like me to call you something else?”
The older girl felt heat rush to her cheeks. What else would she call her? All sorts of ideas came to mind, but what the celebrity would say a second later made her dizzy. As Giselle is closing the dressing room behind her, Ningning suddenly trapped her against it, as if she just blocked out the rest of the world. It was just the two of them and she couldn’t have it any other way.
“Like what…” Giselle manages to mutter before she holds her breath. As much as she despised the way Ningning's hand softly grazes on her hip and the other one placed on the doorknob, she doesn't push her away. Her heart skips a beat because if Ningning stepped any closer, their bodies would be pressed against each other. The situation seems so surreal that she wonders if this were all a dream. Maybe she didn't actually get hired. I mean, yeah. SM Entertainment hiring her? That truly seemed too good to be true. She shuts her eyes (big mistake on her part), as if reenacting the main protagonist letting whatever shit happen to them so she could finally awake from this dream.
But it's not a dream.
Even the next part that happens.
“Like…” Her face inches towards Giselle’s, “...baby?” Ningning smirks as she runs her fingers down Giselle’s cheek down to her jaw. The latter reacts quickly, unlike how she’s been in the past minutes. Perhaps the catalyst is the realization that this is real and she has complete control over what happens next. She pushes Ningning away and lets out the breath she’s been holding, “I… what are you even saying?” She asks, her voice shaky, reflecting the way her blood boils with annoyance. She heads to the closet, ready to get to work. Ningning, who stumbled back a few seconds ago just lets out a laugh. Her laugh is seemingly casual, yet there's a hint of awkwardness that lingers. Giselle doesn't detect it, head already spinning with her own frantic thoughts.
“I’m just kidding. No need to get so defensive.”
“I’m not being defensive. I’m just staying professional.” Giselle replies as she flips through the hangers, not quite finding the fit.
Ningning shrugs, trying not to let her disappointment show. She tries to rationalize the disappointment in her head as having been met with unexpected rejection. As much as she wants to justify her disappointment as that, she knows that really, no one has ever intrigued her so much before Giselle... and at that, rejected her advances from the get-go. So right now, she knows that despite backing down today, Giselle’s reaction has given her more reasons to keep approaching her like this.
“Suit yourself,” Ningning replies and sits down on the chair facing the mirror.
…
Giselle was excited about some perks that SM Entertainment told her would be a part of her job. In addition to being able to choose outfits for her designated artist, Giselle would be able to watch the performances at the front seat. First row, center. SM Entertainment believes that stylists should watch to not only support their labelmate artists but also observe the styling of other artists and ensure their designated artist doesn’t get compared or overshadowed. However, right now, watching Ningning couldn’t be further from a benefit.
Ningning was performing like a pro up until the ending fairy scene. She winks at the camera and her eyes land on Giselle, who’s completely entranced. Giselle doesn’t even realize her lips are parted until Ningning smirks and blows her a flying kiss. Staff members don’t seem to notice, but the receiving end of the flying kiss shifts her eyes away in discomfort.
“Did I do well, unnie?” Ningning asks as Giselle welcomes her off-stage.
“You did great, Miss Ningning.” She replies sincerely, forgetting about that awkward incident from earlier. Ningning internally winces at the formality.
“Ning is good. Or even Yizhuo, if you can pronounce it.” She jokes, underestimating Giselle's ability.
“Hey, I went to an international school so don’t underestimate me. ‘Yi-zhou’, there.”
Ningning grins, “You did it.”
Giselle blushes, biting back a smile. She hates it the most when people assume certain things she can’t do or can do. She’s competitive in that way and so, she can't help but overthink that Ningning might have misunderstood her determination to prove her wrong as her being affectionate.
“So, your next schedule isn’t until 4 PM. You have about two hours until then. I’ll see you then, okay?” She changes the subject.
“Where are you going?” Ningning asks, her voice probably the softest Giselle has heard it to be.
Giselle wasn’t able to go home for her break. The agency doesn’t allow direct staff to go home in case of traffic and unpredictable events that could happen from schedule to schedule. So truthfully, despite being tied to the building until the next schedule, Giselle wanted to at least rest somewhere without her new friend, the one and only Ning Yizhuo.
“Uh, just downstairs. Where the cafeteria is. I’m kinda hungry.” She reasons, hoping her new boss would get the hint and be understanding about her need to charge her social battery. Ningning was definitely understanding to her staff. She did more than understand because her next words are a little too understanding for Giselle.
“Oh, of course! That’s great because I haven’t eaten either.” Ningning links their arms together, dragging her away without even bidding goodbye to her manager and the other staff. Giselle turns red for the nth time today and her heartbeat is racing once again when the young celebrity leads her into the elevator. It doesn't take her a long time to get over the change of plans. Truthfully as much as she wanted to deny it, she’s a little thankful Ningning invited herself since she would’ve looked like a lost kid in the skyscraper-like building.
However, the unexpected gratitude she feels dissipates when Ningning is eyeing her like a predator eyes their prey.
“Y-You can let go of my arm now.”
“I know.”
Giselle bites her lip, her annoyance building up by the second.
“...I just don’t want to.” Ningning finishes, her face going back to face the doors, which open at that moment.
“Where do you wanna go?” She asks the stylist after a beat of silence.
Giselle looks around, noting every station on the floor. From salad to traditional Korean food, the cafeteria has about everything. It's almost a tad bit overwhelming for her because not only is she decisive as fuck, she's also trying so hard to repress her excitement in front of the famous singer. Ningning suddenly stops and turns Giselle around so that she’s not able to see the food stations. Giselle raises an eyebrow in confusion and the celebrity smiles, her eyes clearly filled with mischief again.
“Korean traditional food or American? 1, 2, 3…”
“Korean.” Both of them reply simultaneously. Ningning grins in success, “How compatible we are. Let’s go!”
Giselle feels Ningning’s cold hand interlock with her own warm hand. Desire fuels her. The desire of wanting to increase the younger girl's body temperature is greater than any complaints she has about holding hands. At this moment, she realizes she may not dislike her as much as she wants to. However, what causes a stir in her heart isn’t that. It’s the way she can’t look away from the woman before her. It’s how Ningning’s smile radiates an innocent joy and her hair flows in mid-air while they jog to the other side of the cafeteria. It’s how beautiful she is without trying to be. That’s what keeps her eyes glued to her for the first time today.
But Giselle could never admit that. Not even to herself.
...
The two decide to order tangsuyuk and split it.
Ningning enjoys this little game she created out of the blue. She applies it even to how they distribute the sauce and to her dismay, they’re opposites in this case. Giselle likes to pour it while Ningning likes to dip it.
“What is this, chicken nuggets?” The celebrity mocks.
“Your chicken gets soggy, what now?” Giselle retorts back, the sauce hovering over their shared plate. Ningning grabs her wrist and orders her to put her portion on a separate plate. Giselle rolls her eyes in response but does it anyway to prevent any food fight from breaking out.
“It does not. Also, you’re wasting so much sauce.” Giselle accuses, noticing the way Ningning dips a fourth of the chicken piece in the sauce.
“Not if this is all the sauce I need. Sometimes you just gotta take what you need. You definitely don’t need all of…” Ningning grimaces at the chicken drenched in sauce, “...that.”
“I don’t need it. But I want it. The heart wants what it wants.”
Ningning stares at her for a moment, expression unreadable. Giselle breaks eye contact first but not out of discomfort. She’s just her usual uninterested self who easily lets go of things she can’t bother explaining on her own. She's aware that she sometimes says some things that don't make sense - not even to her. But she’d rather just not know than have to feed Ningning’s ego. It reminds her of the way her dad kept everything from her, expecting her to reach out first. And of course, she didn't. What she didn't know, she didn't know for a reason. Ever since her dad left and told her he’d call, all she's felt was disappointment. Did she call him ever? No. Giselle knows her worth, and it’s more than someone who’d call an estranged father who doesn’t keep his promises.
“Do you always go for what it wants?”
Giselle’s chewing slows down as her thought process speeds up. It’s always Jimin. Always, Yu Jimin.
“No. Not always.”
“Tsk. I’m guessing because you don’t really need it then. Even if your heart wants something, sometimes you, Giselle unnie, don’t really need it so you can decide to not pursue it.”
“Her, not it.”
“Huh?” Ningning raises an eyebrow, noticing the way Giselle swallows her food and aggressively chugs the water bottle next to her. She clears her throat, her eyes evasive to Ningning’s intent stare of curiosity.
“I want her. And you’re wrong, I need her. It’s just… she doesn’t need me… right now.” Giselle finds it weird the way she easily opens up with no preparation whatsoever. A major part of her believes that Ningning had no intent to coerce her into opening up so she doesn’t care to blame anyone but herself for the discomfort she feels. She just knows that maybe, somewhere deep within her heartbroken soul, a big part of her wanted to let it out anyway. Part of her wanted to tell someone about losing her girl, someone she thought of as a soulmate and lover, even in the most subtle way.
It just happened to be that Ningning was the person in front of her when her heart spilled.
“If she doesn’t need you, don’t you think you shouldn’t need her either?”
Giselle seems bothered by the way Ningning keeps giving her input without asking questions to understand the context. But either way, Giselle would be annoyed if she asked her questions as well. So she purses her lips and decides to say one last thing before she proposes to head back with the remaining food.
“That’s not how it works. Most times, love isn’t perfect. And even if she doesn’t need me right now, I’ll be here waiting for when she does.”
Understandably, Ningning doesn’t have anything to say after that.
After all, arguably more than anyone else she knows, Ningning knows how love can be imperfect.
The only love she’s experienced has been far from perfect.
A love that left her emotionally drained and feeling undeserving.