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"being a witch is hard work. this simple statement is a fact i am ready to live by. now, at the age of 18, i am fully matured and ready to follow in the steps of my ancestors, i am ready to work diligently in witchcraft, master the art of flying by broomstick, and help all of those in need around me… um… uh.."
"line..?" his eyes faltered to the boy pulling at his ear with a confused look strewn across his face.
renjun sat on the edge of jeno’s bed, eyes squinting heavily, his back hunching over a piece of lined paper. "i cannot, and this is a fact, read your handwriting." renjun waved a finger at his reflection in jeno’s vanity mirror.
jeno let out a sigh and his fingers intertwined, pushing his hair back from his face, his head hanging over the back of the wooden chair. "i'm giving up, renjun. i honestly don’t know how i’m supposed to do this. i’m supposed to just be determined enough for this? what if i fail? what if i just wasn’t born to be a witch?”
“you’re seriously asking me? jeno, i know you’re a late bloomer,”
“you sound like my mother.” jeno cuts in.
“well-- she’s right…isn’t she?” renjun scoffed.
“doesn’t matter, it’s not like being a witch skips generations. your grandfather is a witch, your mother is a witch, you’ll be one too- whether you like it or not."
jeno leans back up from the chair and slides his elbows forward on the vanity’s surface, his head lowering until his chin meets the smooth solidity of the wood painted white, chips flaking off the more and more he picks.
“...let’s just run it through one more time, just read this part to me another time,” renjun says, leaning over to underline a smudge of writing for jeno to see, “and we’ll get it perfect.”
*
when renjun’s mom comes bearing bags of groceries with her running suv sat in the driveway, a navy sky swallows the town and she rejects the offer to come in for tea. “oh no, i’ve got ice cream in the car, i’m here to pick up my personal pain in the ass. thank you though. i got you some oranges. you know orange season has begun, right? i got way too many for the two of us. i just got a little carried away. it’s weird without the other two. they’re back at their dorms already! time flies when your kids refuse to fold laundry or mop the kitchen, right? ho-ho.. i’m rambling,” she bustles past jeno’s mom and sets a bag on the counter. “right, sorry. these are for you. thanks for taking renjun off my hands for a few hours.” jeno’s mom is smiling, looking inside the bag on her tippy-toes. renjun is shimmying on his jacket while jumping down the stairs three at a time. “have fun?” she called after him before he circled around the banister with an enthusiastic nod.
"bye jeno!!!" renjun calls, cupping a hand around his mouth, leaning up the stairs as he ties his shoes. "nnnghhh!!!!" jeno responds.
*
three soft knocks at his bedroom door catches his attention. "come in."
the door creeps open and his mom peeks in holding a blue envelope with shimmery green edges. "jeno. i have something for you."
she passes off the thin encased paper with a giddy smile, "recognize the colors?"
jeno beams at his mother, jumping up onto his knees from his bed and slipping a finger underneath the lip of the envelope. "really? you're letting me go to haverbean? haverbean, school of witchcraft and enchantments? you really did it?"
"you deserve it, my baby. you worked so hard."
jeno is silent for a second, sliding his palm from the crown of his head to his forehead, smoothing his hair down flat. "i was so prepared to put up a fight. i even wrote out a script."
she smiled and brushed his bright blue hair back from his forehead, watching as it sprung up in exciting spikes. "i know. i could hear you and renjun practicing. you're not as sneaky as you think." she laughed before speaking again. "you were born for magic. there is nothing in this world that would make me want to hold you back from what you are bound to excel in. jeno, i'm so proud, and you have just barely left home plate."
*
in less than a month, renjun is back at jeno’s house again, this time, helping him pack up his suitcase. "how will i live without you? i'm gonna be so bored at school."
jeno is using both hands to smash clothes into the parcel. "you've got the other guys, you'll be fine."
renjun flops on jeno’s bed, shaking his fist to the sky. "why was i blessed with such a wonderful, amazing, talented friend? and why must he leave me!!"
"shaaadddaap." jeno responds in a nasally voice, slapping his palm against renjun's arm. after a few seconds of quiet, their eyes locked in each others' with utmost sincerity, both break out in that silent laughter where all they can try to do is try to catch their breath and grab fistfuls of whatever is near them.
then it's gone.
*
"this is disgusting." jeno’s voice cracks over the phone line. "literally, dirty clothes, crumbs... chip bags..." although in the comfort of his own home, mere mortal renjun is equally as disgusted, just hearing about the mess disrupts his very soul. "how does one person produce this much trash? especially since we've only been here 2 weeks!" the crunching of the young witch stepping around his dormmate's mess makes renjun shudder. "ehuughh!!! even a sticky wrapper with a piece of half-eaten black licorice. and not to mention every night he's up talking on the phone for at least 2 hours. usually around 1am."
"wait, black licorice? i can't believe witches really eat that kind of shit. so nasty." renjun lays flat on his floor, tossing a ball a few inches above him and catching it.
"renjun, humans eat black licorice too."
"ummm… sure. sadists."
"i like black licorice." a voice scratches over the line from renjun's end.
"who was that?" jeno asks. "yangyang?"
"yup. we are doing bio homework. this could've been you. can't believe you left me with the licorice lover."
"i'm literally RIGHT here." yangyang's voice is serious, but a smile breaks across his face.
"i know, i see you, sadist! damn." renjun's line is suddenly muffled, jeno can assume he's pushing the phone into his pillow to quiet himself while he talks to yangyang.
"okay, renjun. i'm gonna go now. i have some… witchy homework to get back to. you know, witch stuff." the muffled audio clears and renjun laughs out at something yangyang said that jeno couldn't quite catch. his face goes sour and he wishes he was there to laugh along.
the air conditioning is on, but jeno’s ears burn up for other reasons. he can’t even get himself to wait for renjun to respond. "alright! bye!" the line clicks off and jeno tosses his phone to the couch.
looking around at the wrappers and empty chip bags, he pushes his hair back from his face with both hands and sighs, shuffling through his thoughts when the door clicks. his eyes dart to the sound and jeno freezes.
the door swings open and the boy steps in. eyes to the floor, fingers gripping his phone and thumbs flying across the virtual keyboard with a symphony of clacking. he shuts the door behind him by leaning back on it with a thud.
"yo." he first says, his fingers still flying across the keyboard, until he squeezes the power button, locking the phone.
"hey." jeno peeps.
he exhales as he looks up, shoving his phone in one of the many pockets on his baggy cargo pants. "so, i know you were talking about me…" he says suddenly, making jeno’s arms drop to his sides and body tense uncomfortably. "and i'm sorry, i know, we've just met and this is a bad first impression, but i swear, i will clean it all up. my friend is kinda going through some stuff and i'm trying really hard to be there for him. guess that means paying less attention to the rest of my life. i'm sorry for the mess, jeno."
jeno’s mouth frowns and his eyes drift from his dormmate to the floor. "you must be a good friend to have. let me help, jeno."
*
as part of his beginner's broomstick flying course, jeno was assigned to fly desserts to customer's doorsteps. it helps him practice broomstick flight, as well as staying steady in the sky. his first delivery comes at 4pm, a dark chocolate cake cut with layers of vanilla bean buttercream and topped with raspberry frosting that spelled out 'My Condolences'. fresh raspberries lined the circumference. jeno mocked the cake, truly the condolences should have been given to jeno for being given the job of delivering the dessert with no chance of having a taste for himself.
jeno’s broomstick leaned up against the wall beside the door behind him.
"this is your first trial run." jeno’s professor is standing next to the pastry chef, his posture so prose that he makes the pâtissier look like the hunchback of notre dame. "you have 2 hours to deliver, so take your time, remember what you've learned in class."
*
the clouds were much more wispy up close. seeing them from the ground his whole life, they seemed so fluffy. like maybe, if he could reach the sky, and take a bite out of one, it would bounce in his mouth like a marshmallow. jeno soared above the birds, but below the clouds. with one hand gripped tight around the cake box, his other stuck right up, splitting the white mist above him into two separate pieces.
the thick forest below seemed so small, and now finally out of his grubby dorm, jeno felt free.
*
when the the address taped onto the box matched the mailbox standing before him, jeno took one last peek at the cake before walking up their driveway. inside, icing smeared on each side of the previously spotless box, probably from the light jostling of the flight jeno had just landed safely from. before him, a mansion stood tall, complete with lion statues and manicured hedges. jeno, for a second, imagined what it must've been like to call such a place 'home.' to return to this mansion after a long day, to jump on one of it's beds, to take a bath in one of it's jacuzzi tubs, or run through it's endless flower fields.
jeno knocked three times on the front door, before he stepped back and waited, eyes open, smile wide, and his hands laying under the cake box.
a teenager, probably his age opened the door, dressed in a black suit and an unexpectedly flat face. his hair was dyed an unnatural blond, so light and bright, the sun picked up on it and shined back it's rays, blinding jeno so far as to make him squint upon trying to maintain eye contact. his roots were at first brassy, but got darker as they traveled closer to his scalp. there was quiet chatter behind him, some other people shuffling around in dresses and suits. jeno wondered what it might be like to host a fancy ball and have to make rounds and welcome all of his guests, shaking their hand with both of his own like they do in the movies. maybe even kiss the air, cheek-to-cheek. the boy fit in quite well, if it weren't for his grown-out roots, he would blend in perfectly with the rest of the crowd, prim and proper. his hand was now sticking out, palm up and beckoning for the cake box. jeno couldn't think of any word to describe it but rude.
"they have witches delivering this far out now?" a tall man with a friendly smile appeared behind the boy. jeno nodded with a smile, his blue hair shaking with his bobbing head. he was awfully relieved to have an actual adult show up, at least someone who smiled back. as jeno passed the cake to the man, a shadow spun along the blond boy's face, his bottom lip stuck out in a pout and his glossy eyes never blinked or strayed from jeno. the witch hopped down a step off of their tiled doorstep and he waved an easy hand in the direction of the door until it shut completely.
"easy enough!" jeno smiled as he took one last glance at the huge, pristine mansion as he lifted his leg over his broomstick.
*
"this house was huge, i swear, i have never seen a bigger house."
"nyuhuh… nyuhuh…" renjun is absentmindedly agreeing while he swipes along his netflix feed.
"are you gonna come back to the call soon?" jeno scratches the back of his head, his eyes faltering from the 'paused' screen on his phone to the leaves outside his window being beat down with raindrops.
"yes, okay. what?" the video call resumes and renjun is awfully close to the camera, chewing on a fruity candy too close to the microphone. jeno's attention flicks back to his phone, his eyes dropping to the screen as he sighs.
"the house was huge, so what? never heard of the top 1%?"
"no, i mean- of course i have! i just thought you might think it's cool... i've never seen a house that big before."
"i'm sorry. you're right, it is cool. i appreciate you sharing things you find cool with me." renjun's voice is monotone.
"i can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not…" jeno starts, wishing he could just hang up and get it all over with without having to explain anything later.
"i don't know it's…. ugh.. you get to go out and fly on a broomstick and learn cool spells and i get to shit in public school bathrooms and sleep in sociology." a textbook slams shut and renjun rolls over in his bed. "i wish you were here."
"and i wish you were here." jeno repeats, watching as renjun moves out of view of his phone's camera, and they both fall flat on their beds.
*
a set of 8 peanut butter cupcakes with chocolate filling, topped with cream cheese frosting and graham cracker dust goes to a house down the street for their daughter's graduation. a woman opens the door and smiles with great delight at jeno. "you're here early! thank you so much! i paid over the phone, right?" she lifts the box from his hands when jeno nods yes, and asks him to close the door for her when she turns around with her hands full. "thank you! have a safe trip back!" she calls over her shoulder as jeno pulls the door shut.
a text from the pâtissier chimes just as he unlocks his phone, another delivery ready to be flown out. a red velvet cake with whipped vanilla frosting and fondant pieces shaped in red and white swirls shoot from the top and sides of the cake like ribbon dancers.
"woah, repeat offender… i recognize this address." jeno mutters under his breath.
*
out of all the deliveries jeno made where he carted the expensive pastries to doorsteps, the expansive mansion should have probably been a no-brainer. somehow jeno was still surprised when he started piecing together familiar parts of land until he realized where his broom was taking him.
somehow, his stomach churned at the thought of the gloomy boy answering the door again. he hoped he was just a socially-inept visitor during their party who had gotten confused. maybe he was just a senile old man with a baby face. jeno knocked on the front door biting his lip to repress his exploding laughter at the thought of the stories forming in his head.
and when the door swung open, patting jeno with a gust of cold air, he burst out laughing before he could even look up at who had answered.
"what are you laughing at?" the dyed blond has his hair hidden under a dark red beanie.
"sorry, just something i thought of." jeno breathes quickly in and out to get rid of his giggles, pushing forth the cake box towards the door.
"tell me."
"what? no, no, it's nothing. don't worry."
"you're laughing at me."
the seriousness in his tone makes jeno laugh harder, now just finding humor in being scolded by a snotty, sordid, rich kid. like— yes, dipshit. i’m laughing at you. you’re rich, go buy a pony to make yourself feel better. "do you want your cake or not?"
"yeah, i want my cake. stupid." he lifts it from jeno's hands, brushing against his fingers slightly, trembling just a little.
"have a nice day." jeno smiles as he throws his leg around his broomstick.
without skipping a beat, "what's your name?" the boy in the beanie asks.
"jeno!" he answers before watching the red beanie slowly disappear behind the closing door. the smallest hint of a smile flashes before he is swallowed entirely by the dark interior of the huge palace.
*
it's not long before the address becomes recognizable. weekly, the same address would order. the only thing that would change would be the cake flavor or design. the boy with the dyed hair would answer and the boy on the broomstick would deliver.
"if you're really a witch, prove it.
do a trick."
"are you serious?" after already handing off the cake box, jeno can't help but feel obligated to stay on the ground until the boy at the door looked away.
"i'll pay you." he sticks his hands in his deep pockets and trudges closer to jeno, leaving the safety of his front door for the first time.
jeno scoffs. "what?! no! i'm not some zoo animal you can pay to see do a trick. this isn't seaworld." because the front door had a little lip that raised the inside of the house from the tiled porch, the boy had always had a height advantage over jeno, which he had assumed was superficial, but after seeing him up close, on even ground, it was obvious that they were the same height. maybe jeno was a smidge taller. he wondered what it did to the boy’s ego.
"fuck seaworld." he kicks a pebble and watches it zoom past jeno into the flower field behind him. he smiles and adjusts his shoulders in his oversized hoodie.
"yeah, fuck seaworld." jeno repeats.
*
a three layered lemon cake with a waist of strawberries in cream and meringue frosting formed in adorable mountainous peaks topped with lemon shavings. it's going to the same palace, for their weekly delivery. they probably had servants and maids and gardeners. jeno's brain felt like goop trying to imagine the inside of the house. it must have elegant armchairs and fancy rugs tacked up on the walls and million dollar paintings, topped with a pure gold chandelier. shockingly, it was even more strange and difficult to place the boy who lived there in that house. although he was rude and snotty, he didn't dress the part of a rich son at all. maybe the first encounter with his suit made sense, but now, with each visit he seemed to dress sloppier.
*
jeno has a bit of a bumpier landing this time, the cake suffering significantly more damage than the last three. but, unlike the last times, the boy with the blond dyed hair and the sprouting roots takes the box and immediately sets it on the floor on the other side of the door, not even peeking in like the other times.
"you're not going to check it?" blue haired jeno's eyebrows raise suggestively.
"why? do i need to?" his tone is way bitchier than ever before. jeno just stands back and glares at him for a second, just to see if he could scare him into apologizing for his tone.
it doesn't work.
"why don't your clothes fit you?"
"why would you even ask that?"
"if you live in that big house, you must have a lot of money. so why do you dress like that?"
"because i just feel like it."
jeno sighs, "well that's a boring answer."
the boy looked down to his feet as if jeno's response actually hurt his feelings. something deep in jeno's stomach tells him to be nice. "what's your name? you never told me."
"jaemin."
"i like it."
"i hate it."
"why?" jeno's body loosens as he adjusts his grip on his broomstick.
jaemin shrugs. "i wish it was cool, like your name."
"hm.. 'your name'? that's a pretty dumb name to me. way more dumb than jaemin." jeno smiles and jaemin does too, just for a second.
then, both of them flinch at the sudden loud steps of someone trotting down a staircase behind the door, and jaemin waves jeno off and shuts the door quickly without a word.
*
jeno is so shocked that he kinda just stands there for a moment, the cool air sweeping his hair in circles and his body swaying calmly with the wind. every other time, jeno was the one to say he had other deliveries to make and would leave. whether he was being truthful or not about the deliveries, it was always jeno who suggested his departure. this time was very different though.
after a moment, the door creeps open and jaemin slips out, quickly cowering below the windows and beckons for jeno to crouch aswell. "what's going on?" jeno whispers, to which jaemin hushes him.
the witch's knees extend as he straightens himself, looking down on jaemin who's crouched and making his way towards him. "did you seriously just tell me to 'shhh'?" jeno's voice is raised above normal and jaemin jumps up to run, his hand engulfing jeno's to drag him behind one of the many hedges in their front yard.
"give me a ride." jaemin points to jeno's broomstick with his free hand.
"absolutely not." jeno shakes jaemin's fingers out of his own.
"don't be silly, i know you want to."
"want to give some snotty human a ride on my broomstick and get expelled from haverbean? hmm, i don't think so." jeno strokes his chin theatrically
"if my dad comes out and sees us, he will literally kill us." jaemin's voice is almost too genuine, and his expression worries jeno.
"but he seems nice!" jeno's thumbs spin around each other, assuming jaemin's dad was the one who accepted the cake box the first time he delivered. jaemin's face is all-too-serious.
"maybe to strangers. like ted bundy." jaemin states, pushing jeno's broomstick horizontally.
"oh, shut up!!" jeno breaks into a smile, until the front door clicks and in a second flat, he's grabbed jaemin's arms, wrapping them around himself before running and jumping into flight on his broomstick. his heart rate racing, turning back to see an elderly lady step out of the front door. she's holding a newspaper over her eyes as a visor and her mouth is hanging open, flabbergasted. "did you lie to me!?" jeno's astonished at the level of betrayal. jaemin's laugh reverbs through his arms and jeno can feel it in his chest. he laughs along too only because jaemin's is insanely contagious. "i knew he seemed too nice…" his sentence floats off with the passing clouds.
"this is really high up." jaemin states, his stomach sinks until it's almost flat against the broomstick, his neck bending uncomfortably.
"yup, that's the point." jeno responds.
"i want my mom." jaemin's voice quivers a little, his arms tightening around jeno's stomach, his skull pressing into his lower back.
jeno rolls his eyes. he tries to offer his hand to help jaemin adjust himself, but jaemin is paralyzed with fear. jeno's hand prodding jaemin's side
"hey, YOU asked for this."
jaemin's eyes are squeezed shut and he's trying to steady his breathing, but it turns into hyperventilation very quickly. "if i fall, i'm so dead. i'm just gonna be a splat of guts on the ground. oh my god. i'm gonna fall." the mutters behind jeno are speeding up, faster and faster.
"you're not going to fall. see? i got you." jeno pushes his hand behind his back, and jaemin finally pulls it into his arms, immobilizing the blue haired witch within seconds. "jaemin. don't be afraid when the living die, be afraid when the dead start living. a zombie apocalypse is easily the worst thing that could happen to the world right now."
jaemin laughs out loud. it's so loud it sounds like he had to force it out. soon he's hiding his face in jeno's jacket to muffle the noise. jeno smiles big at the reaction. there's no better feeling than making someone laugh when you thought it was impossible for them to.
*
chenle was one of the most sociable people jeno had ever met. and that was coming from a witch who, according to the results of plenty of personality tests, was 79% introvert (so maybe take that with a grain of rice). he always was inviting people over, throwing parties or just getting ready to go out when jeno would arrive home. tonight was oddly quiet though, it was so oddly quiet, that jeno stepped into the dorm, listened for a second, then threw all of his things on the floor and raced to chenle's room to make sure he was home safe.
"woah! you're speedy, jeno." chenle is sat on a beanbag playing his video game with his remote in the air and joysticks rotating with a levitation spell. his hands are full holding a plate of cake that he has scraped all of the frosting off of.
"no party? no friends over? what's wrong with you?" jeno smiles, looking at the unfamiliar game. chenle chuckled, his eyes never leaving the tv. "are you sick or something?" jeno prompts.
"nope." chenle responded, his voice airy and carefree. "remember that friend i told you about? who was going through some stuff? i was throwing those parties trying to get him to come out of his house... headshot. did you see that? ...that was pretty clutch." jeno has leaned up against chenle's doorframe to listen. both boys have their eyes locked to the tv. "it didn't really work, he just never came out to them." chenle is on a five player killstreak, and is talking out of the side of his mouth so he doesn't have to turn his head. "but he's been happier lately. it's surprising. i don't know who or what did it, but he hasn't been this talkative in like, a month."
"maybe the act of saying no to a party invite cheered him up." jeno nodded his head side to side as if he was weighing possibilities.
chenle's character dies at the end of jeno's sentence, and he pushes himself up and out of the beanbag. "oh ha-ha, i cured my friend's depression by giving him parties to decline attending to purely to boost his ego." one of chenle's hands settles on his hip. "actually, i'm good with that."
"why is he sad in the first place?" jeno inquires, following chenle as he walks by him out of the room.
swinging their mini fridge open, his eyes scan around for a little before plucking mustard off the shelf, followed by deli meat, cheese, and eventually lettuce. "he told me not to tell anyone." chenle, with his hands full, shimmies by jeno to drop the ingredients on the countertop.
"i don't even know him!! please tell me."
chenle grabs two slices of bread from the loaf on the counter and sets them down, giving jeno a look before unwrapping the deli meat.
"just tell me please. i don't even know anyone at this school besides you. i'm really curious."
with a heavy sigh, chenle complies. "only because he doesn't go to this school and you like will most definitely never meet him." he waits for jeno to nod. "his mom is dying" chenle says with a pained grimace.
silence fills the room for a second, chenle still busy focused on making his sandwich. "woah," jeno exhales, "that's way worse than what i was expecting." he takes a seat on the back of the couch a few feet from the kitchen area chenle is working at. "is she sick?"
"i don't know, he only told me that she was dying. he doesn't like people worrying about him, so that's why i'm the only one who knows."
"oh," jeno exhales "he's one of those types of people."
chenle places the second piece of bread to finish his sandwich before taking a big bite. with a mouthful of food, he covers his face with his hand before saying "he's like, the literal opposite of you." then points to a familiar box that's sat on their counter. "want some lemon cake? it's good, has strawberries and stuff, but the frosting is kinda weird. i think it's called meringue."
jeno stares at the box for a second before glancing back to chenle, who's awfully busy making sweet love to his sandwich. "chenle," he trails off, walking over to the cake box and checking inside. "you haven't taken your intro to broomstick flying class yet, have you?" the smudges on the insides of the box seem all too familiar.
"yo, how is that? i have it next semester. i literally can't wait. seeing you walk around with that broomstick, god you look so cool." chenle uses one finger to push the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and wipes his hands together to brush off any crumbs, walking right back into his bedroom.
jeno stood still, eyes vacant in the middle of the kitchen. maybe the patisserie he made deliveries for had made multiples of the same cake, and the one chenle had wasn't a custom, but rather a popular pick. "wait!" he called, taking quick, wide steps to chenle's room. "where did you get that?"
"get what?" chenle's mouth is still full, chewing away at a bite of food he could easily choke on.
but, what if it was the one he delivered? what did that even mean? how could they know each other? jeno couldn't imagine chenle ever being friends with that asshole.
"the cake?" jeno motions towards the kitchen with a limp arm.
"oh." he responds, blinking slow. his gaze turns to the ground and then shoots back up to jeno. "ooh!" he says again, much more enthusiastic, waving his arms. "just, a friend."
"which friend?"
"why are you so nosy, jeno? it's free cake!" chenle's eyebrows thread together and he grabs his headset from his bedside table, waving off the boy in his doorway to leave him alone, preparing himself to hop back in his game.
"his name is jaemin right? and he lives in a huge house with the manicured hedges?"
chenle stops himself dead in his tracks, freezing for a whole 5 seconds before lowering himself into the beanbag, wordlessly.
"it's your depressed friend! from your depressed friend with the dying mom!" jeno smiles huge, legs bouncing from side to side, overly joyous from uncovering the mystery. chenle's head turns ever so slowly from the tv to jeno, his gaze is dangerous.
"i'm sorry, i just got excited i didn't mean to react like that." jeno's lips fold over themselves and he tugs a little on his ear, watching chenle drop his controller onto the beanbag he was standing up from.
chenle exhaled, "how?" he pushes his headset down until it falls around his neck, pacing in small circles in his room. "how the fuck could you figure all that out? what did i say or do? i swear, i was acting so chill!"
"i delivered that cake." jeno uses his thumb to point behind him, suddenly realizing what everything he had just learned meant. his eyebrows collapse over his eyes and his face turns instantaneously so hurt. "oh my god, that condolences cake. oh my god." jeno pulls his hands over his face, dragging everything down as he falls to the floor.
chenle is staring down at him, and if jeno knew any better, he'd say that steam was escaping from his ears.
"his mom is dying and i laughed in his FACE!" jeno is rolling on chenle's floor, half laughing and half sobbing.
"what did you do to him? how do you know him?!!!" chenle crouches over jeno, grabbing his shoulders and yanking him back and forth.
"i think he has a crush on me." jeno whispers, dead serious as chenle shoves him back.
his mouth curves up sinisterly. "he's not gay! jaemin is not gay!" chenle keeps covering his mouth to hide his smile.
"you should see the way he looks at me, the way he's super mean for no reason, the way he keeps ordering desserts for me to deliver to his house that no one even eats! why do you think he's been giving you all those cakes?" jeno coughs out, propping himself up on an elbow, watching as chenle's body ragdolled, falling over his mattress positioned on the floor. "he’s been ordering them so i keep coming back. he likes me, i'm not stupid." he finishes.
"that was the other secret i was supposed to keep!" chenle exhaled with the shake of his head.
"damn, you're so bad at keeping secrets."
chenle sits up, his beanie sliding off his head, pulling his hair back. "or you're just insanely nosy." he grabs the hat from the back and drags it the rest off the way off.
jeno points and nods, "probably."
"so you really don't like meringue?"
*
the next time jeno gets an order with jaemin's address, his stomach flips a little. should he continue being his normal self with him? isn't it messed up to treat him like a jerk (even if he is one) while his mom is so sick? he tells himself to just act like he doesn't know. maybe just give hints subtly. it's no big deal, right?
okay. in his head, it's no big deal. so why are his knees knocking together as he waits for jaemin to answer the door? was it because he was a bad liar and knew it was gonna slip out? or was it because he finally said out loud that he knows jaemin likes him?
the door opened and this time, instead of grown-out blond hair, jaemin's hair is dyed black. his face is much sweeter than any other time he's answered jeno's knocks, and he hops out of his house and closes the door behind him with smiley eyes.
"what's wrong with you?" the words spew from jeno's mouth faster than he can comprehend. the smile on jaemin's face doesn't fall completely, it kind of drops to one side as he tilts his head, questioningly.
"what?"
"i meant, why are you smiling? what's this mean…?" jeno set the cake box down on jaemin's front step.
"usually, smiling indicates happiness." jaemin clicks his tongue as he walks past jeno to circle their flower garden. it's kind of sad today, despite jaemin's expression that tells otherwise. there's been a jump in the decaying of the flower garden since last time jeno was here. maybe he only just noticed now, but the petals have a noticeable amount of insects crawling over them and weeds sprout from their stems.
jeno thinks jaemin's happiness is dying flowers.
"i'm glad you're happy." jeno is watching jaemin's back distance himself from him.
"i like your hair like this." jeno reaches a hand out to ruffle it from the behind, but yanks it down to his side when jaemin starts to turn around.
"thanks. i kind of did it in a fit last night. i couldn't keep up with the blond. i don't even know how you manage to keep up with the electric blue." jeno laughs a little, covering his mouth with his hand.
"what, what? did i say something stupid?"
“no, no” jeno shakes his head. "it's natural. runs in my family."
"that happens with witches?" jaemin is purely amazed, trying to hide his smile when he fears it grows too wide. "kinda weird… but i dig it."
"i wish a cool hair color ran in my family. all we got is cancer." jaemin shoves his hands in his pockets and jeno is still, stunned. "i liked what you said, when we were flying."
jeno's head leans to the side slightly.
"the thing about not being afraid of when the living die, you know. natural stuff."
"oh," jeno smiles "be scared when the dead come back.. yeah. that was kind of dumb."
"no, i liked it. it was funny, and it's true. zombies would be super crazy. have you ever wished there was a zombie apocalypse, just so the little things wouldn't matter so much?"
jeno shrugs. "but there's good in the little things too."
"that's true too. i've been noticing that more lately." jaemin's eyes find their way to watch jeno examine the flowers, feeling each petal by petal. "if you ever feel like it, i'd like another ride." jaemin if shuffling the dirt around with his sneakers, and jeno's shoulders drop with an exhale, his hand withdrawing from the plants before him. "i know you're not supposed to, and you're a good student, but if you ever feel like breaking the rules, i'm here."
jeno's stomach does backflips .
"okay." his diaphragm feels uncomfortably tight. it's like black magic jeno had never felt before. this was the most intense power he had ever faced, and it was coming from a human.
it's no surprise that jeno gives jaemin another ride. he should be worried about losing his flying permit or getting expelled from haverbean, but instead he's worried if jaemin can hear the thump, thump, thump of his heart through his back; or if he notices him adjusting his grip nervously on the broom handle every few seconds; or the way his feet can't stop rubbing together all fidgety like a cricket.
they fly over jeno's hometown, and he points down to his house, swooping down a little to get jaemin a good view. "i know it's much smaller than your house," jeno raises his voice to combat the whirring sound of the wind.
"i like it. it's colorful, it looks like a real home." jaemin shouts back. "have you ever spent… so long in your house... that it feels more like a prison than a home?" jeno knows exactly what he means.
"and once you go outside, it's nice, but you want to go back inside? and then it hits you! the prison isn't your house… it's your mind."
"woah, deep." jaemin responds, his voice a normal volume now upon landing.
"when have you felt like that?" they hop off the broomstick, feet landing on the tall grass atop a small hill that overlooked jeno's hometown.
"when have i not felt like that, more like." jaemin admits, his eyes sliding across the horizon. "this is nice."
"do you want to back inside now?" jeno asks.
jaemin laughs a little before realizing the severity in jeno's voice. "yeah, god i hate hanging out with you." he pushes jeno back with both hands until he falls back with a light thump into the grass.
"oh, you're a jerk." jeno exasperates. "i give you a nice ride through the sky and this is how you repay me?"
"um, yup!" jaemin flops down next to jeno.
the clouds are moving slow with the light breeze, it feels like time has slowed indefinitely. the cherry blossoms are in peak bloom, floating gently off the cliff side. they scatter in the ocean like little lost sailors. it all felt so surreal.
"have you ever had a relative get really sick?" jaemin shifts an arm behind his head.
"my grandpa did."
"what happened to him?"
"he died." jeno thinks maybe he should've just lied.
jaemin scoffs but it chokes him up a little, and he sits up to cough into his elbow. "a-at least you're honest!" his voice is froggy and he hits his chest to clear his throat. "i'm sorry for your loss."
jeno sits up so jaemin and him are level. "it had been a few years since we had seen him, and my family couldn't make it to the funeral. i don't think i even cried over him once." jeno exhales. "i felt so shitty."
"what do you feel like now?"
"not as shitty. i didn't really spend a lot of time with him before he died. now i just wish i did." there's this painful truth to what jeno is saying, it stings at jaemin's eyes.
"jeno, are we friends?"
"what?"
"if i call you my friend, can i trust you with my secret?" jaemin's hand stretches across jeno's knee. he nods.
"my mom is sick, really sick. she's not getting better, i know she's going to die, and she knows it too." jaemin is running his fingers along the tops of the prickly stalks of grass. "i can't even look at her. she's so… frail. she doesn't talk to anyone unless it's a complaint." his palm slides off of jeno's knee. "i know she's in pain, i know she has a right to be… like that. i can't talk to her like i used to."
jaemin points to the wide ocean before them. "we used to sit on the beach together after my classes when i was just a kid, back when she was healthy. she would make kimbap, and we would have a picnic. she would tell me about her day and ask me about mine."
jeno watches the waves crash and half expects to see tears flowing from jaemin's eyes, but there's nothing. his face is dry and swiped of any emotion. "why don't you do it for her?"
"do what?"
"make her kimbap, take her to the beach. ask her about her day?" jeno doesn't skip a beat before pulling jaemin up with him, holding his hand while they make their way down the hill. "my mom can help!"
*
soon enough, jaemin is in jeno's kitchen and sure enough, jeno's mom has electric blue hair, as promised. she's tying an apron around her waist as she appears behind a corridor. "hello!" she dips her head in jaemin's direction, and he follows with a deeper bow. jeno and his mom are chattering away about his school life and his roommate. jaemin suddenly realized that this was jeno's first time home since he started at haverbean. before he knew it, he was being dragged into both, the kitchen to help and all of their conversations.
jaemin had been laughing so hard, smiling so bright, he had almost forgotten the feeling. why was it that a stupid little blue-haired witch could make him feel so many things? it must have been magic.
*
the sky cast dark, dark clouds. swirls of ominous mystery promised something bad coming just as jeno's mom cinched the waist of the lunch box with a ribbon and a bow. "you boys better head back soon, i wouldn't recommend getting caught in what's brewing up there." she gave both of them a kiss on the head, and told jaemin to send good wishes of recovery to his mother while tucking them into rain ponchos.
the rain started downpouring the second jeno mumbled the spell to make his broom fly, jaemin tucking the waterproof hood over his head, tightening the drawstring. jeno followed with his, his fingers shaking and eventually giving up as jaemin pulled down on the strings for him.
the rain hit harder against their thin raincoats the higher up they went. it wasn't long before the clouds darkened an even deeper shade of gray, jaemin had his eyes squeezed shut and jeno was leaning so far forward he was practically parallel to the broomstick. the lunch box of kimbap was shoved in-between their bodies, separating jaemin's stomach from jeno's back.
although no sane person would call it 'smooth sailing,' jeno wasn't doing a terrible job. at least until the crack of thunder and flash of lightning struck a tree just maybe a mile off in the same forest jeno was flying over. the fury that came with the lightning and completely decimated the tree nearby rocked jaemin and jeno to their cores. the highest-pitch screams possible fired out from their lungs and sent both of them barreling to the ground. in an incredible bout of luck, jeno's feather-fall spell worked. he had yelled it while trying to grab at both his broom and jaemin while their fingers slipped out from each other's, a look of horrible panic on each boy's faces.
with two heavy thumps, both boys landed on their butts, the feather-fall spell had just worn off. shell-shocked and silent for a moment, the two of them were on the edge of the forest with jaemin's house just up the road.
it took a moment for them to catch their breath, calming their rapid inhales and exhales with hands over their hearts.
"i'm alive. woah" jaemin whispered to himself. he was feeling up and down his arms to make sure he was okay, before being subsequently interrupted with soft, peachy lips meeting his. jeno had stood up, his hands readying for a ditsy fall, before stabilizing himself enough to run straight into jaemin's lap with puckered lips.
jaemin couldn't help but pull down jeno's hood, his pupils scanning across from jeno's fluffy hair, gradually getting soaked by the rain, to his tensed expression as he gave both of them their first kisses. out of respect, jaemin would close his eyes too, even though he would rather watch jeno kiss him. he ran his arms around jeno, slipping one up the back of his raincoat, the other resting on his jaw, his thumb wiping back raindrops from his eyebrow.
jeno's hands that had been posted firmly on the wet grass moved their way over to jaemin, fumbling with the drawstring on his coat hood, disconnecting their lips just for a moment. foreheads pressed together, jeno loosened the flimsy woven string and used both hands to slide down the hood. rain begun pattering upon jaemin's hair, and jeno couldn't help but smile. it was everything. jaemin wiped the rain from his face as it hit him, his smile dawning as he reached back for jeno. "you make me confused." jaemin says through kisses. it's not what jeno would've liked to hear in that moment, actually, it has this weird tone to it. one that doesn't feel positive.
maybe jaemin didn't call it dating, but it really was. jeno wanted to call it that, but something deep in his stomach told him that jaemin would hate it, so he made do. he left it as it was.
jaemin had almost teared up talking about his mom's reaction to the kimbap. it was a little messy, but after the story jaemin told her of flying on the broomstick in a storm and almost falling to their death, leaving out the kissing part, she told him she was so excited to go to the beach and eat. jeno's idea worked, and jaemin had told him that and more when jeno appeared in front of his bedroom window that night.
he was cleaned up, the storm leaving no traces on him. he was dressed in a baggy t-shirt and basketball shorts. he was airy, and free. it felt like a dream, looking at jeno. his skin looked so bright and soft, he was wispy and his hair always defied gravity. jaemin cranked open his window and gave jeno a moment to stick his legs inside his room before perching on his windowsill.
jaemin was ecstatic, talking about his plans he had made with his mother. about how he was going to dedicate these next few days for her, and make her happy again. "if laughter is the best medicine, i'll make sure she laughs a lot." he had whispered, even if his facial expressions sometimes showed small glimpses of doubt, his determination to do the most for his mother never faltered.
*
it had been a few days since jeno had last seen jaemin, there was no cake orders addressed to the mansion and no word from chenle or anything to imply what was going on. something deep in his heart told him jaemin was in dire need of jeno's support, but the thought of him accidentally interrupting jaemin's (possibly limited) time with his mother held him back from visiting him.
it was always this lingering thought, deep, at the back of his head. pushed back as if it was some sort of assignment. an 'i'll address this one day. eventually.' instead of an 'i should probably check up on him, like, now.'
until a set of heavy knocks sounded on the white wooden door of his room. yangyang and renjun were sat on an air mattress across from jeno, renjun with his hands stroking through yangyang's hair. jeno froze, the bag of cheese puffs on his lap crinkled slightly at the noise, crumbs dissolving on his tongue.
it was the second day of jeno's summer break, and he was at home now. jeno almost forgot how much bigger his room was, and how much bigger (and healthier) the meals were. they were home cooked by his mom, instead of a pack of instant ramen cut between chenle and him. jeno missed this. he missed it so bad, he wondered why it took him so long to realize.
"yes? come in…?" jeno answered, folding over the bag of snacks on his lap and dropping them on the floor beside his bed, standing up as he made his way over to the door. it opened cautiously, and to jeno's surprise, it was his dad. his eyes were a little wide, and his eyebrows were threaded in an unmistakably confused shape.
"friend? here." the boy with the black hair had to squeeze past, shimmying alongside the doorframe and jeno's dad to make his way inside his bedroom. his head was hung low, and his hips collided powerfully into jeno's, his arms wrapping around his neck and face burrowing into his shoulder.
yangyang and renjun murmured to each other at a barely audible volume, motioning to leave quickly through the opening before jeno's dad absentmindedly shut the door and left them stranded awkwardly.
the boys had tiptoed out of the room in their matching pajamas, slipping through the door jaemin had come charging in from.
"i need someone right now." jaemin had spoken, so softly under his breath against jeno's neck.
"okay." jeno answered, his hands placing themselves awkwardly on jaemin's shoulders. he hadn’t been this close to him since the kiss in the rain. this pit of clouded guilt occupied his body completely. why hadn't he checked up on him sooner?
"she's okay." jaemin sobbed harder now, his face an extreme shade of red, almost like he'd been holding his breath to try to get himself to stop crying.
"you're crying because you're happy?" jeno's eyes scanned the room around him, clothes from yangyang and renjun scattered over the floor, empty chip bags and open dvd and cd cases laid everywhere.
"no. i just, i just, thought about… about losing her." jaemin is coughing out the words, gasping between breaths and struggling to exhale without shaking. "stop holding me like you don't know what to do with yourself." jaemin laughed suddenly. the words were so harsh, it almost shocked jeno before he remembered who he was talking to.
"well, how would you like to be held!? if you're such a big judge of where my hands are when i hug you!" jeno retorted snootily.
"like this, god." jaemin backed up only for a moment, his head still hanging low, like he was embarrassed of his appearance. he grabs at jeno's hands to reposition them under jaemin's arms. "you are able to hug me like you care about me, you know." he shrugged his arms back around jeno's neck. "we did already kiss, you can hold me how you held me then."
now jeno's face is heating up too. "what?! hey, hey, i don't, i don't even remember how that— i don't even remember how i held you then!" his arms tighten around jaemin, squeezing hiccuping sobs and laughs out of him.
"perfect, yup, just like that." jaemin smiled, his eyes so swollen from crying that he could barely see.
jeno moves one of his hands up to the back of his head, running a hand over his hair. jaemin so often wore hats, that this felt like a special occasion. jaemin with black hair felt otherworldly, even if it was his natural hair color, it seemed anything but natural. it looked like it would have shimmered and shone even in the dark.
"she's on new meds, and they seem to be helping her a lot more, she told me she's… she's feeling less joint pain." jaemin's still hiccuping every few seconds, but he thinks jeno might have squeezed most of his tears out of him. "she tells me how she feels now, and she… she talks to me." jaemin wipes at his eyes around jeno's back. "she told me she was so bitter and depressed because she just felt like a burden on us. it was true, it made sense, we talked to her less, distanced ourselves. we said it was because of her, but it was an excuse to get away from seeing someone in pain. someone in need of help, in need of a friend."
"you could have abandoned me like we did to her, jeno. i needed someone and you were there for me, no matter what" he exhales deeply." i spoke to her, heart-to-heart. over kimbap that you helped me make." jaemin's voice drops a few octaves. "and i don't say this often, so don't count on me saying this again, but, thank you."
so the spell on the kimbap did work.
when jaemin had first said, 'if you ever feel like breaking the rules, i'm here.' it was not exactly the type of sexy-rule-breaking he knew jaemin had in mind, but it paid off well in the end, so jeno wasn't mad at it.
jeno smiled, he felt tears welling up on his own, and used all of his might to not cry too.
jeno brushed tears off of jaemin's face for him, giving his cheek a squeeze before jaemin could fight him off. "sacrifices are worth it when it comes to someone you care a lot about. i don't know what will end up happening, but i know for right now, everything is going pretty okay. so continue to be happy with me like this."
jaemin nodded before returning his face to jeno's shoulder.
*
"the witch, the human, and the meringue cake." chenle laughs out, gesturing towards jeno and jaemin as they walked down the forked cobble path near jeno's family home. chenle had just told his skating friends to wait up when he spotted the two out enjoying the nice weather.
"that's us!" jeno replies with a smile and the click of his tongue.
"i heard you were the highest rated delivery witch in your whole class!" chenle's palm rests on jeno's shoulder. "what a surprise."
jaemin eyerolls, obviously.
"can't you do that for me too, jaeminie?" he whines, shifting his grip on his skateboard by his side.
jaemin laughs, detaching himself from jeno's side, to take a few quick steps before giving chenle a shove. "hell no! was all that cake i gave you for nothing?" chenle steadies himself before sticking his tongue out, dropping his skateboard on the downward slanted hill.
"i don't even like meringue!" he shouts as he hops on his board, crouching low as he picks up speed. jeno waves at him, jumping up and down as he turned the corner to join his friends.
"sometimes, i don't even know why i talk to him. if he wasn't my best friend, i would hate him. i mean, i still hate him anyway." jaemin confesses, biting back a smile from spreading across his face when jeno picks up his hand in his own.
"when are you gonna tell him?" jeno's eyes look down at their hands suggestively.
"tell him what? no." jaemin follows jeno's eyes before darting them off at the falling sky and pinkish red clouds. "wow. pretty sunset."
jeno grips jaemin's hand tighter. "nice subject change."
he exhales contently. "one day." he smiles. "i think i'm okay like this."
"okay." jeno responds.
"are you? ...okay? like this?"
jeno just shrugs, then nods. when the ferry horn blares and he spots a small child on the side of the grassy pier with a kite, perfectly oblivious, jaemin feels over his back pocket. slips the neatly folded piece of lined paper out of it. with his heart pounding out of his chest, he passes it along to jeno's windbreaker pocket when he's busy pointing out something in a shop window.
*
his arm is completely numb by the time he wakes, his eyes watering from sleep. shifting over his blue duvet, the cloud design crinkling beneath him. his hood is up around his head, tucking wisps of hair out from his face- all but one strand hidden away. jaemin is sprawled out next to him, his face snuggled into jeno's shoulder. he can feel jaemin's eyelashes flutter against his neck, and jeno can't help but reach for his phone to take a picture.
diving fingers first into his pocket, he's greeted with a square of folded paper nestled up against his cellphone.
it's dated back a few months, and it's been folded front and back and forward so many times, the corners and creases feel soft. another slip of paper falls onto his chest when he unfolds the first page.
the soft page reads like a diary entry.
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ok, i love you
it’s not a fleeting thought, actually, it’s been with me for a while. don’t think it’s spontaneous, it’s not. this is something i have accepted in silence.
i never thought i ever would feel this way for someone who i know so little about. it's not like you were supposed to matter to me. still, i often daydream that we were closer, so we could at least lay on the floor of my bedroom and watch movies. that might sound lame, but it's not meant to be. it just is.
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the second half is written in blue ballpoint pen, and the letters are crisp and neater. it's recent.
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ok, i think I really love you
i love the way you pop up at my window at night, especially when you say you had to sneak out. it makes me feel special. i love it when you roll your eyes and scoff when i call you stupid and silly. i envy your passion for what you believe in and the sparkles in your eyes when i call your name, jeno. jeno. jeno. i love how you're willing to risk getting a verbal beating from your professor for sleeping in class after staying up with me when i had a bad day, even though i would never really tell you i had a bad day, and i love you. and i hate you, all at once. you make me feel weak and i hate you for it. but i still love you all the same.
i didn't know it would hurt this bad to be in love with you.
jaemin.
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