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Kiyoomi hates the ways the world revolves around finding that one person “you’re destined for”. His parents were soulmates and that hadn’t stopped their relationship from going down in flames that managed to burn everyone they touched. It didn’t make them good parents or good people. After his parents divorce, Kiyoomi makes it a priority to never touch anyone. He doesn’t need to be weighed down by others emotions. He’s seen the toll it’s taken on his mother still being emotionally connected to his father, the heaviness she started carrying around when he found someone else and fell in love.
If soulmates didn’t last, what was the point of even worrying about finding them? He was determined to live his life without his soulmate. He didn’t need them. He could take care of himself. Once Kiyoomi settled on something he saw it through to the end and nothing or no one could change his mind.
Until Shouyou.
Being around him makes Kiyoomi’s heart do strange things. He’s had crushes before, all were short and fleeting. He even had a very short and painfully confusing crush on Atsumu, but he would rather die than ever admit that out loud. Plus, Kiyoomi’s positive the crush was only because Atsumu had finally gotten a skincare routine and fixed that horrible dye job.
“Omi, what do you think of soulmates?” It’s a common enough question, and one that Kiyoomi has never had trouble shooting down with all the spite and annoyance he can muster. But hearing the question so softly fall from Hinata’s lips makes the question tilt on its axis.
What does he think of soulmates?
“Why?” The word catches a bit, as he tries to swallow the butterflies that are trying to escape his chest through his throat. Hinata seems to wilt at the response.
“Doesn’t everyone want someone made specifically for them?” Hinata scratches at his cheek a habit Kiyoomi has noticed only pops up when he’s not sure of what to say.
“Don’t you want a soulmate?” Hinata immediately back peddles, realizing how personal that question is, and is shaking his hands in front of him, he apologizes. “Nevermind, Omi. That’s an... It’s none of my business. I should be going anyway. You’re going to the Christmas party tonight, right?”
Kiyoomi nods his head, before cursing internally. Another side effect of this stupid crush was his inability to think before he reacts to Hinata.
Hinata is buzzing around the party in his typical over-exuberant manner. Kiyoomi leans against the wall in a corner, sipping on his drink slowly as he watches his friends chatter happily, his eyes always falling back to Hinata. Somehow the dim light only enhances the brilliance of Hinata's eyes, and the lights hung around the living room created a soft halo of light around his hair that had Kiyoomi's heart skipping far too many beats.
Kiyoomi envies Hinata and his naivety when it comes to the impossibility of soulmates. There is something about the way his eyes sparkle and his whole being lights up at just the topic of conversation. One day though,he will realizethat just because you want something, work for it and maybe even are destined for it, that doesn’t mean you actually get to have it. There are so many things required for “destiny” to work. Just like anything else you want, you needtiming and an open heart, but mostly (and unfortunately), it requires an unrelenting faith in something completely outside of your control.
Kiyoomi lost that a long time ago and he is certain Hinata will too. He’ll learn that the hope he carries is useless.
Hinata can be so unaware, so unbothered by the ways other people felt about him. He never notices the passing looks others give, while Kiyoomi is painfully aware of each glance in his direction, spending hours a day over-analyzing, breaking down each of his interactions into their smallest parts.
Still, he’s glad Hinata is so oblivious. Both for his own well-being and for the benefit of their friendship, otherwise, he definitely would have noticed Kiyoomi’s lingering glances, the light blushes that pops up when he realizes he’d been staring at Hinata for too long, and the slight stutters in Kiyoomi's words.
Kiyoomi has spent years perfecting his unaffected air, the bravado he uses to shield the more vulnerable parts of himself. But around Hinata, so much of it fails him, and more and more he is left exposing parts of himself he’s not comfortable with anyone seeing.
Yet, Hinata doesn't seem to notice how much Kiyoomi’s guard is down whenever he’s in Hinata’s orbit. And Kiyoomi still isn't sure if he’s glad or hurt by that.
Kiyoomi swallows thickly; he is two years into this crush and even though he keeps hoping he has reached the furthest depths, somehow Hinata keeps pulling him in deeper.
So much for it fading away like every other crush.
Before it had just been an inconvenience, being in love with his friend. But with the realization that Hinata believes in soulmates and is waiting for his? Now it hurt. It had gone from a racing heart to an uncomfortable tightness in his chest, from a shortness of breath to a complete lack of it. Because he knows that Hinata deserves to be happy and that means finding his soulmate. And that is definitely not Kiyoomi.
Kiyoomi needs a drink. Maybe liquor will dull out the ache in his chest.
“Sakusa, I wasn’t sure you would be here or not.” Ushijima’s presence is warm and welcome beside him. He falls into step beside Kiyoomi, accompanying as herefills his cup He simply responds with a hum of agreement, thankful that their friendship doesn’t require much more.
The sudden wolf whistle behind them causes him to stiffen and unwelcome nerves to churn in his stomach.
“Omi Omi! I never thought you’d get caught under the mistletoe!” Atsumu giggles from Bokuto’s lap. “‘Specially not with Ushijima of all people.” A quick glance to the ceiling above them confirms Kiyoomi’s worst fear: there is indeed mistletoe above them and /everyone/ is looking.
“May I kiss you Kiyoomi, it is tradition after all.” Ushijima smiles at him soft and understanding with no pressure or assumptions. Kiyoomi’s heart races. He can feel the eyes on him and, while he’s friends with Wakatoshi, he doesn’t want to kiss him, has never had that desire when it comes to Wakatoshi. He pulls his mask down, so he’s not muffled when he tries to explain.
“No! No no. This is ridiculous.” He’s startled by the intensity of Hinata’s voice as he steps in between Kiyoomi and Ushijima. Kiyoomi’s mouth shuts on instinct at the outburst. Hinata’s eyes are filled with a determination that Kiyoomi hasn’t ever seen off of the court. “Ushijima, I’m going to steal Omi for a minute.” Kiyoomi barely has time to think about what this means before Hinata has grabbed his sleeve and is leading him to their coats, which is somehow slipped over Kiyoomi's shoulders before he’s lead outside.
The cold seems to taper the intensity that had Hinata thrumming before and he quickly lets go of Kiyoomi’s sleeve to put some distance between them. “Sorry I.. I shouldn’t have just grabbed you. I know you don’t like people touching you.” Hinata’s eyes don’t leave his feet as he seems to be puzzling through something. As the silence stretches on, Kiyoomi can feel an undetermined anxious zap through him. He’s not sure why he’s nervous but the feeling crawls up his spine and seems to make its home in his chest.
“Hinata, what’s going on?” His hands find pockets to prevent him from reaching out to the other man who seems to have collapsed in on himself.
“Shouyou. Please call me Shouyou. You call Ushijima by his given name and… he’s not even.. he’s not your soulmate. I’m yours but you keep me at such distance.” Kiyoomi’s whole body goes rigid. Is this a joke? How did Hinata find out about his, more than a crush, crush. He never thought Hinata would be one to joke about such a thing. Especially as someone who seems to value soulmates so much.
“That’s not funny.”
“I’m not joking, Omi. I-“
“No, I’m not sure how you found out-but.. please stop, stop.”
Hinata looks like he wants to reach out, and can barely hold his body back from reacting to his thoughts. But somehow he keeps his ‘appropriate’ distance, making no move against something Kiyoomi has previously and consistently put a barrier against. Ironically, his self control is what almost topples Kiyoomi’s resolve to maintain said barrier.
“What’ll it take for you to believe me?” Kiyoomi doesn’t answer because he simply can’t, he doesn’t know. “Why don’t you want me?” Hinata’s question is calm,, as though he wasn’t even really curious, just...asking because he should.
Kiyoomi knows better, of course. He saw the intensity in Hinata’s eyes, the hurt in the downward curve of his lips, and the anxiety in the way his fists clench and unclench. Kiyoomi’s heart breaks. He should never have pushed Hinata away until he thought that somehow Kiyoomi wouldn’t actually want him. When, Hinata has always been Kiyoomi’s exception. Always broken down his barriers with his intensity, kindness and new found self awareness when it comes to his health. Kiyoomi never wanted a soulmate until he knew how important soulmates are to Hinata.
“I do want you,” Kiyoomi admits, but it hurts. Hinata deserves more. Knowing that Kiyoomi isn’t enough, will never be enough, for the one person he cares about most is heartbreaking.
“Then why?” Hinata demands, confusion wrinkling his brow. “Why do you flinch every time I look at you? I know you feel it. I do.. When you’re anxious or nervous. You have to feel how much I love you.” Kiyoomi closes his eyes, unable to look into Hinata’s face any longer. “Because you deserve better than me.” Kiyoomi barely whispers, “Someone that has always believed in soulmates and …” “Omi, I want you. Even if we weren’t soulmates. I’d still want you.” “You cant say that with any certainty. Soulmates don’t always work out and I don’t want to have to feel when you fall in love with someone else. I don’t think I can handle that.” Kiyoomi’s exhales shakily, he can do this. But then he’s knocked back by the overwhelming surge of fondness that engulfs him when Hinata Wallace’s their fingers together.
Kiyoomi is overcome with the urge to do something he’d seen Bokuto do to Atsumu. He doesn’t think, just pulls his mask down and draws their hands closer to press a soft kiss to the back of Hinata’s hand. Hinata’s eyes widen and his grip tightens for a moment before he visibly relaxes.
Kiyoomi’s eyes soften as Hinata's lips slide up into a smile. He pulls their hands back towards him, gazing at Kiyoomi as he presses his own kiss to Kiyoomi’s hand. The only word that comes to Kiyoomi’s mind is tender, Hinata looks so incredibly beautiful and tender.
Even tired from the late night, in the coat he’d pulled on last minute, breathy and half-leaning on the table, Hinata is gorgeous His smile is small but aimed at Kiyoomi like he knows what he’s thinking.
“Kiyoomi, I love you.” Hinata finally says.
Kiyoomi’s heart beats painfully in his chest for a moment before his entire body relaxes. Every negative emotion flees, the nerves, the anxiety, the confusion, all of it gone and replaced with a warmth Kiyoomi has longed to be enveloped by, and is everything Kiyoomi pictured when he thought of home.
He reaches up with the hand not intertwined with Hinata’s and lays it over his cheek, drawing him forward until their foreheads are pressed against each other. Their noses brush and he can feel Hinata’s warm breath on his cheek.
“I love you too. I was going to confess.. eventually” Kiyoomi feels the laugh a moment before he hears it. Hinata’s eyes pinch shut as he leans back to laugh harder, before letting out a long sigh. A wide smile on his lips, a blush in his cheeks, he slides his eyes open, just barely peeking through them before he leans in and brushes their lips together.
I don’t have any expectations of you…” Hinata moves, shifting so his free hand is at the base of Kiyoomi’s neck.
“Omi, can I kiss you?”
“Please.” Hinata pulls him close, his mouth gentle at first, barely there before Kiyoomi exhales completely releasing the tension he always seems to be carrying and fully melts into Hinata kissing him soft but hungry with sighs that taste of relief.
“Will you go out with me?”
This question seems long overdue. And even though he’s had enough time to practise it, in this moment Kiyoomi is a nervous wreck , hands sweaty and waiting for a hopefully positive reply.
“Ah, you're always so cool.”
“Is that a yes?”
Finally, Hinata moves his hands away and looks at him, still blushing but a smile forming on his lips.
“Of course.”
The smile turns into a full-blown grin as soon as he sees the relief on Kiyoomi’s face and his eyes are shining, speaking volumes. But when Hinata understands what he said, he covers his face with his hands again, groaning. It's still kind of adorable, so Kiyoomi only sighs as he leans forward and gently removes his hands to take them in his own. They’re as sweaty as his own palms which gives him some comfort. The reassurance that the whole business affects Hinata as much as it affects himself, means much as well. In fact, he’s probably more nervous, not being able to look at Kiyoomi.
“Shouyou.”
Hearing his first name causes his eyes to widen, but at least he finally looks him in the eyes and Kiyoomi can't help the laughter that escapes when Hinata stumbles over the letters of Kiyoomi’s first name. Still, it has the desired effect and Kiyoomi blushes as hard as Hinata.