Chapter Text
The night I first saw you, the sea was calm and the waves were silent. That was also the first time I saw a human in the flesh.
I remembered the elders taught me that humans were evil creatures and would hunt the merfolk to extinction. I did not know how much truth there was, but it worked brilliantly.
I was so scared that I could not get close to your boat in the slightest. The thought that you and your friends were going to catch me took over, until I heard terrified voices above water.
“It’s a mermaid! Row, back to the ship!”
I saw the sailship leave shortly after, leaving me all alone in the night.
Fear was replaced by anger. You dared to talk of us merfolk as if we were some monstrosity. That was it, you had been on my list. If we were destined to meet again, and I believed so, I would show you who I truly am.
The waves flowed still, as if to add more to my thoughts.
—
The second time I saw you, the Moon spread onto the waves a carpet woven from his own light.
When I approached, I almost lost you like our first meeting. But I had to thank the lords for making me shout out.
“Humans, please don’t fear me!”
Your friends were frightened. And so was I.
But your friends were scared because they simply heard the myths about my species, whereas I did because they truly tried to attack me. You ordered them to stop their guns, and after that was the moment I got to know your name and voice.
“Amber, what are you doing?”
“I said stop shooting!”
I swam closer. Under the moon and your lanterns’ light, I was saddened to see blood in your teeth and sorrow in your face.
“What happened to you? Your mouth is bleeding.”
You only smirked as if it was something too insignificant. You told me you were fine.
You were not fine. You and your friends were just acting tough.
“You were scared of me. You dared to think of me as a devil. I remembered this.”
To my surprise, you immediately retaliated. “Ehh, sure, sure, I’m sooo scared, go on.”
I was startled. How dare…
“It’s alright, it’s alright… No need to pretend, just get to the point.”
“That’s not… Ugh, anyway, I want to say that, I have a cure for you.”
“Sure, tell me.” You believed it right away, which threw me off even more.
“Seems like you are too trusting of people.”
You only denied. “Nah, girl. If you don’t kill us, this devil will.” You said, as you pointed to yourself. “Our bones and muscles are torturing us every second. Killed by a mermaid, killed by scurvy, same difference.”
It was at that time I realized, there was no one and nothing else that could save you other than me.
I nodded in response. I was happy because I had just the remedy that would cure the disease you mentioned.
I then dived as fast as I could to the seafloor to harvest the type of seaweed needed for a remedy.
I could see you were desperate to save your own life and everyone else’s. You gave it to your friends first and went on rambling about how your crew had not been seeing fresh vegetables for two months.
Amber, did you know how relieved I was when I saw your tears of joy?
It must have been traumatizing for you and your companions. I was glad I made a timely arrival. I finally got to show humans my kindness, starting from you.
The sound of waves hitting the rocks resounded as if they were clapping to cheer for this newfound relationship.
—
I never thought I would see you again so soon.
The night after our second encounter, the third came. You and your two friends were thrown from the ship, because the captain saw our exchange.
I ordered my soldiers to take you three to the coast. It was just a deserted island, I didn’t dare venture near the mainland. Sorry, I didn't mean to do that, but that was all I could do to save you.
You thanked me profusely. I was aware that it was true to your feelings. And it was also the first time I found beauty in your voice, though I didn’t want to admit to myself.
As I parted, the Moon smiled at me. What did he want to tell me? To encourage me, that I am going the right path? To pity me, that I am trying in vain, like a fish in the air?
—
Either way, my uncle scolded me. He and my parents had never let me have any freedom. We were the nobility, and must therefore be an example for the commoners, they said.
My fault for being friendly to outsiders? I asked.
“It’s your fault for talking to that demonic race.” He said in response, coldly.
“They are NOT demons!” I roared back at him and fled in frustration.
I didn’t want to listen to him. I didn’t want to listen to anyone who tried to warn me.
The belief that I can befriend a human had already taken root inside me. It was not reversible.
It was never meant to be in the first place.
—
From then on, I started spending less time at home.
Vibing with you by your boat when you went fishing was more fun than listening to moral lectures and bloodline codes.
“How do merfolks cook their food? There is no fire down there, if I am not wrong.”
You were cute when you asked questions about our life. You were curious, just like me.
“We cut the food out, then eat it.” I replied, putting a cod on your boat. “Why do we need fire?”
Your eyes turned into fish eyes in astonishment. I was amused to see your confused face. But then, your face deflated.
“Only if I was a mermaid, it would save a lot more time to process food.”
“You… want to be a mermaid?”
It was my turn to be dumbfounded.
“Well, I mean…, I just love exploring the world beyond my imagination. I want to meet the people there. The sky, the seas. Angels, merpeople, everything. They are all so mysterious to me… wait, what are you thinking?”
I widened my eyes, realizing my mind had drifted away a fair bit.
“Don’t worry about me.” I chuckled. “Nothing too serious.”
You smiled and nodded, not prying any further.
For a race who appeared in the book as “dangerous” and “ferocious”, humans surely surprised me with their dreaminess. You, specifically, because your friends did not seem to like interacting with me as much.
—
Your hand was a little bit harsh, but very warm. I had the favor to feel that when you touched the burns on my face.
“Just some gang fights, you know.” I lied.
“It’s terrible they did that to you.”
From your voice, I could hear nothing but sincerity. It’s been a long time since I had been told caring words to. The wound on my cheek felt more soothing as a result.
Ironic, a human could cure a merfolk’s wound better than other merfolks could.
“I’ve got used to it.”
“Are you sure that you’ll be alright?”
Oh, sweet sailor, if I was not alright, then I would not have been here to talk to you.
“Yes, it will heal really quick.”
Or would it?
I saw a flash of doubt in your eyes. You knew I was not being truthful, did you? But you did not know any better either. I tried to hide the pain on the stab wounds caused by daggers. Except the only daggers here were from the cruel mouths of the people that gave birth to me.
You should not know what was going on. You might not be the most innocent human ever, but you were innocent enough to have the privilege to not know that.
The waves nodded up and down in concurrence.
—
“And that is all the letters in the merfolk’s script, you can learn to write it by- hey, are you paying any attention?”
My words seemed to have broken you off from the trance you were in. No, your face was looking at the sheet of kelp in my hand, but your soul had already drifted somewhere else.
“Then, name this letter for me.”
“Uhhh,...”
I sighed. “It starts with yer-, now can you remember?”
“Ye… yer… yer adorable…”
I was stunned.
It was a one hit K.O.
That was stupid, and you knew it. You were too smooth for me to catch up.
And for that, you will pay. I would come to you again, just you wait.
—
And come to you again, I did. Just that not in the manner I expected myself to.
“You fought them again?!”
You sounded thoroughly concerned. I understood why, but I could not let the emotional side of me take charge. Readjusting the kelp bandage on my shoulder, I turned aside.
“It’s really fine though, the servants got me some medicine.”
“Those people are really mean… if I could swim like a fish, I would make sure to teach them a lesson!”
…
“Do you have mean humans up there?”
“A fill. The nobility of Mondstadt, the Liyuean warships and those Snezhnayan traders.”
You went on with a sea of information about how the nobles and foreign merchants forced price on lower class people, how pirates constantly robbed seafarers and the warships from Liyue did not make things any better.
I almost fell asleep listening to everything, not because it was boring, but because you went on so long that the tiredness soaked into me.
“No one deserves that treatment… human, merfolk, or any race at that.” You concluded so.
I smiled lightly, for that you said something I agreed with with all my heart.
“Tell me whenever you need help, alright? No one is allowed to harm my little mermaid!”
That startled me. I could feel the water on my face steaming and vaporizing. What… is happening?
“You- who is your mermaid?"
"Uh, wait, I didn't mean to-"
"I- I will not let this go!"
Before I could think through, I dived back into the blue, leaving you back on the boat.
What did I feel? Regret?
I was not sure.
—
I did feel regretful.
I turned round and about, sleeplessly. The water, which normally was soothing to feel, had become a crushing force on my body.
No one is allowed to harm my little mermaid.
Amber, you fool. So passionate, so noble, so kind. So lovable and so hateable.
But was I… wrong?
I must have scared you with that subtlety.
I should say sorry to you.
I wanted to. I had to go out.
But before I could go any further than the height of my house, ropes from all directions flew out and entangled me.
…
—
The seaweed tied me down tightly. But that would not make my will falter.
What had the human fed me to turn me into such an obedient slave?
Oh Father, it was simple. They were very kind, bonafide and high-minded. That was the type of treatment I had never once experienced from my kind.
I got a sting in the fin for that one.
To achieve higher, I should not be treated kindly. What is the point of being born noble if I could not do noble deeds?
Dear Mother, what was noble in your eyes was oceans away from what was noble in my eyes.
I got a sting in my left shoulder for that one.
—
“Little mermaid?” I murmured to myself, thinking over and over about the title you gave me.
I could not believe this, but I felt a brief sense of joy whenever I thought about it.
I felt joy whenever I thought about you.
But then… sadness filled in again, after realizing that I could not meet you and clarify to you. You must have been so befuddled. You must have felt so guilty for a crime you did not commit. Or you could feel angry, betrayed…
If only I could break free from my shackles and tell you that I was wrong, that I was the terrible one to act so rashly.
To think about it again, “little mermaid” did sound… lovely?
Oh no…
If my parents or uncle found out I had some feelings for a human, and a woman at that.
Well, I would be done for. The cleansing ritual to rid me of “human charms” would not be a fun experience.
But I was well aware that it would not work. There were never any charms in play. Even if my body dissolved into thousands of waves, it would never work.
If anything, my biggest fear was that I would not be able to tell you that I was not mad at you.
—
I was released after promising that I would not see humans again. That was not easy, but bribing the guards with some silly, shiny shards of starconches worked. They needed the money more than me anyway.
The sky turned gray, and the waves violently hit the shore.
Maybe something was off. I rushed to the shore to check on you.
You and your friends were not there anymore.
A wooden sign written in merfolk’s script was firmly planted on sand.
“A ship has come by and we are rescued. Have to take care of my parents when I come back. Thanks for everything.
-Amber”
I turned around to the cloudy heavens.
I rushed seawards, only to see nothing.
I hovered there, my body froze silent.
I waved you a farewell that you would never see.
Tears silently flowed on my cheek.
Why was I crying? I was supposed to be happy that you were saved…
But why was I not happy?
—
It had been five days. Aside from the few soldiers, I had Moon and Sun as my traveling companions.
The Moon loved his carpets and capes. I must say, he was a fabric expert. Amber wished to have a moon-woven cape. Maybe I should ask him for one.
The Sun… I was less familiar with her. I did not like her face at all, because it kept frowning all the time, making me frown back. Amber and other humans liked her though. Strange for me, but I am not one to judge.
—
If the people heard about my escaping, the whole kingdom would fall into chaos.
The princess was not supposed to do that. She was supposed to be married to a prince.
Bla bla bla. I was too tired of all that.
"They would probably say you are eloping even."
Thanks, loyal soldier, that really helped.
But I wish I was simply eloping with you, Amber. No, I had to find you.
I must at least try. If the heavens had mercy and the seas had conscience, I would wish that I could meet you again.
—
I ran into you sooner than I had expected.
Not that I was not happy, don’t get me wrong. But… we met in an unfavorable situation again.
I saw you on a merchant ship being raided by a Liyuean vessel. The situation seemed dire. I ordered my soldiers to use hooks to drag the Liyueans off their foothold.
It worked, the Liyueans retreated, but…
Your whole crew was almost fully massacred and your ship was sinking.
Panic struck me like lightning. I had my men patrol around to look for anybody they could save, primarily you.
My nose felt choky again. Did I come too late? I’m sorry Amber…
I could already imagine you saying in my mind, that I don’t need to be sorry, that I could not have done anything to help.
“Princess, I found a body!”
I rushed up.
It was not you. And he had already left this world.
My skin itched with every second that went by. The Sun showed no forgiveness.
But I was not hindered by her. She could burn my skin, my whole body, and I would still go on to find you.
…
Even if it was only to put you to a proper rest…