Chapter Text
Unbearable.
The dark room.
The looming celling.
Suffocating.
As if her blanket weighted a ton, compressing her chest to the point she was unable to take a single breath.
She still feels the harsh light, the dreadful smell and weight of a person against her. The sticky red coated her fingers as her throat cloged with pleas. Pleas that none could answer. No healing spell could help, nor a servants would come. Just a crushing, solemn feeling of failure that would not fade.
As if she wakes she is finally able to sit up, only for tears to spill. Trailing down her cheeks as her heart hammers away. Uselessly they drip, disappearing into soft fabric. She wills her hand to reach for blanket but it refuses to move. The dream keeps on flashing harshly. The blood keeps spilling. The breath keeps slowing. All she can do is watch as those dull eyes look towards her. Those blue eyes of her Senpai-
Her breath speeds up and with it, she is allowed to move. Tears stream even harder than before, no matter how much she tries to stop them. Her hand reaches for her shirt, bundling into said fabric. It might’ve only been a dream but her body is past point of panicking. She cannot stop it even if she wants. Her body shakes, desperately looking for some warmth. Somewhere, distantly in her mind, she is well aware she needs to calm down. Take a breath and stop to think. However, every time she takes it, it scratches at her throat so much that it ends up doing nothing but make her panic more. She wishes for him to be here with her but that is a selfish wish, he needs to rest. He needs to rest so that they can save humanity... So that the dream doesn’t become the reality.
However, even when her chest stops heaving and tears halt to stop, she can’t shake the feeling of needing to at least check up on him. After all, there were no servants now to stand guard and fight. Earlier incident did not help her judgment either, only fuelling her panicky mind. Therefore she gathers herself to look at least a bit presentable, even if a quick look in the mirror warns her of her looks, and takes hurried steps towards the room where he sleeps.
As she arrives, she fidgets. He needs to rest but she cannot enter his room without asking first. With a shaky hand, she manages a knock. And another. One more. Her Senpai was certainly a heavy sleeper, everyone knew that.
“Senpai?” she tries. When she gets no answer, even after repeating herself, she mutters a quick “Excuse me.” before entering. First thing she focusses on is that the bed is empty. It is neatly made with no soul in sight. Picture of blood flares up in her mind but before it can overtake her, she notices a written note on the bed. “Went to cafeteria.”
Given their track record with things happening splendidly when he decided to go off on his own, Mash was right to turn promptly on her heel and make way towards cafeteria. He sure had a knack for worrying her but he was also kind and compassionate and so... human. He was someone she definitely refused to loose.
Fortunately for her heart, when she came to cafeteria, she was greeted firstly by Fou who immediately jumped on her shoulder. Next, she noticed her Senpai sitting by the table, drinking some silver apple juice. When he noticed her, he smiled and waved.
“Good evening, Mash.”
“Good evening, Senpai.” Fou nuzzles her cheek as she speaks. He is fine, she can calm down. “Were you hungry?” He stops drinking for a moment, eyeing her as if there was something wrong before shrugging.
“I wasn’t. Fou was.” Fou looks displeased as he says this, jumping off her shoulder and pawing at his leg. Ritsuka only smiles in return. “Won’t you join me, Mash?” he asks as he looks at her. She cannot say no to the that look and neither can she say no to the way her body relaxes when he asks her to stay. However, as she moves to sit in a chair next to him, she can scowl him a bit.
“Senpai, it’s dangerous to leave your room alone.” she says. “And Fou shouldn’t eat at random times.” at that, Fou paws at Ritsuka leg more aggressively, probably with his claws. In response, Ritsuka moves his leg away from Fou with a wince.
“Same goes to you.” Mash frowns in return.
“I am capable of defending myself Senpai.”
“I know that.” Ritsuka scratches back of his head and stretches. “It doesn’t mean you should wander alone still.” he pouts for a moment. Somehow, that makes her heart stir and she has to look away. “Why are you up Mash?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” she chooses to answer. As she looks back at him, for a split second she sees the dull eyes of the dream, covered in blood and-
“Are you okay?” he is inches from her face as he speaks up. Mash recoils in shock, hitting the chair with back of her head. It startles her more than it hurts but nevertheless, her hand flies to the spot. Fou’s sympathetic… voice she hears next to her as she raises her head. There is a frown on Ritsuka’s face. “Maybe we should go back.” She wants to find the voice to argue, anything but that lonely room, but she cannot. He had to rest, there was a mission to be done after all. There was no time for her dreams nor did she want to worry him. That was all there was to it.
Fou jumps on her shoulder as she rises, following her Senpai out of cafeteria. It is unusually quiet between them, on one side Mash not knowing what to do to break the awkwardness and Ritsuka waiting for her to speak up. She knew she could confine in him so why wouldn’t she speak up? Silence stretched for far too long until they stopped in front of his room. Mash still avoided his gaze, looking from Fou to floor and celling and back. Even the little animal was confused. Before he could speak up-
“Goodnight Senpai.” she said. However, before she could turn, Ritsuka made a move. In a single, albeit clumsy movement, he managed to get a hold of her hand. Mash’s gaze flies to his. It reads undiluted surprise. Her hand, in his, returns the grip without even her head catching up to the action.
“It’s alright, Mash.” with that, the transient wall breaks and her hands find spot around him. He returns the hug without a hesitation. Fou cries out as he is jostled around but doesn’t jump down, instead, he finds a spot on Ritsuka’s shoulder instead of Mash’s. “We won’t be going anywhere. I won’t go.” truth to be told, Ritsuka knew something was wrong from the moment he awoke in the room. After all Ritsuka never awoke from the dreams, only nightmares would chase him, which was not the case today. If it were something wrong, it was with Mash and truthfully, no matter what Beast he went against, he could never be brave enough to directly come to Mash at such time. He counted on her to tell him, even moved to cafeteria so he could try to brake the silence with food as a motif but- she wouldn’t speak. Still... he knew. Mash was afraid of losing people, especially now. Admittedly, he dreamt of losing people as well, of losing Mash and the remnants of Chaldea. Ritsuka didn’t know what exactly Mash dreamt about but he had a fair share of nights where he would awaken with picture of lonely shield and nothing but stillness to know how a person looked after such a dream. And it was hypocritical really, he expected her to tell him that she dreamt of losing him when he would be haunted by dull lavender for days before they faded into obscurity without peeping a word. She would notice, move closer, be more protective but he would not say a word of that dream.
She cries silently into his chest and his grip tightens. He cannot cry with her, he might even say, he lost the ability to do so a while ago. He cannot be Dr. Romani. He cannot be Da Vinci. He cannot show her the beautiful sea, vibrant blue skies, lush forests or beautiful mountaintops. He can however, stand by her side and offer her comfort, however small in meaning it is.
Eventually, Mash stills and squirms a bit. Ah, now he was getting embarrassed too. He releases her from the hug and greets her with a faint smile.
“Are you feeling better?” he asks. For a moment she looks as if she will cry again but her face, determined, manages a faintest smile and a nod. “Good.” he finally lets go of her hand. “Well, I was wondering… Do you want to spend the night?” he looks away as he feels faint blush on his cheeks. And even in half darkness, he can see from the corner of his eye that the same faint bush colour her cheeks. “For nothing inappropriate, I promise.” he hastily throws his hands in the air.
“Knights of the Round would kill me if that were the case.”
“I was just wandering if you would like to be with someone tonight.” he adds. Mash hovers between the hall and entrance for a moment or two.
“Thank you, Senpai.” she says as she enters the room, blush wild against her cheeks. Ritsuka only smiles in return.
The actual failure of this plan however shown itself a bit later. He had only one bed. Only one blanket. Two pillows though! This fell on their airheads only when both were ready to zone out so neither really wanted to go to Mash’s room. Laziness and tiredness beat out any actual embarrassment between the two so they lay quickly and absolutely red one next to each other. Fou choose to lay between their pillows, sneaky little animal. They choose to speak as Fou slept. Ritsuka spoke of what he will show Mash once they restored the world and Mash voiced her excitement over it.
Soon however, excitement was beat out by exhaustion and she fell asleep without even uttering a goodnight. As Ritsuka noticed it, he turned his head towards her. She slept on her side, turned towards him. He himself was on his back, Fou soundly sleeping by his ear. With a chuckle, he too turned to his side, facing Mash.
“Goodnight, Mash.”
That night, Rituska Fujimaru dreamt of being by Mash’s side in a world that he couldn’t belong into any more.