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Sunday was slowly coming to an end. The day had been busy but in the best way possible. Jack had a football game at noon and with his father coaching, the boy was over the moon. It’s always been nice for you to sit on the edge of the field, watching the kids run and play. And most importantly, see the older Hotchner so relaxed and having a good time.
Once you’d gotten back home, it was late in the afternoon. You had started dinner and Jack had challenged Aaron to a mario kart duel, loser having to do the dishes. With a little pout, Aaron helped you clean the kitchen while cursing every banana on the planet. Jack got a kick out of it and wouldn’t shut up about it for the rest of the evening.
That was a few hours ago. Jack’s fast asleep now in his own bed, resting his little body and curious mind for tomorrow’s adventures, whatever that might be. Aaron is now sitting on the couch, legs covered by a fuzzy blanket and a book firmly in his hands.
You’re leaning to the door frame, just studying the man’s features, of which you’ll never get tired of seeing. His face was relaxed, there was no frown or smile on his face, only his eyes moved following the words on those pages. A small strand of his dark hair curved on his forehead. He had a little stubble on his cheeks, it's a lot lighter than his hair, beautiful silver color mostly. Old t-shirt of his still fit him perfectly. He looked so at home and comfortable.
The sight of him made your heart ache. But in a way that was new. You’ve known a lot of heartache in your life. A lot of pain and hurt. Darkness has been a big part of your life, making the future feel hopeless. But this time the ache wasn’t painful.
Your life’s been full of ups and downs, and when it’s been down, you didn’t think you’d ever be able to breathe again. The amount of tears and all the pain you’ve felt is indescribable. It’s something you’d never wish anyone to ever go through.
The worst part is that all those years the voice has tried to convince you that you’d never be loved, you’re too damaged, you’re never good enough. You’ve always felt like you could just disappear and no one would even notice. You’d never achieve anything, you will never be anything important, so why should you keep trying? There was always that voice in your head, and sometimes it was so loud it was all you could hear. Sometimes it was so consuming, that you just wanted a way out. To make it stop. To a point you thought you’d never see your 20th birthday.
But instead, here you are. Years and years later. Watching the love of your life, sitting on the couch after a perfect sunday as a family. A boy you see as your own. A home that’s filled with peace and love. Feeling so safe, even when you’re flawed. Every imperfection is valued, every scar, every tear has led you to this point. To a day, at one point, you never thought you’d reach. To a day when your heart is no longer heavy with pain.
“A picture would last longer” your husband’s soft voice snaps you out of your thoughts. He doesn’t remove his eyes from the page as he speaks.
“I have so many pictures of you already, so don’t tempt me” you can’t hold back a small chuckle. With some effort, you get your legs moving again. Aaron’s now distracted from his book and his eyes come to meet yours. He pulls back the blanket and it works as an invitation for you to climb up on his lap.
Small lines form in the corners of his eyes as he smiles. You run your fingers through his soft hair, trying to brush the lost strand away, but it only makes it fluffier and to go in all directions. Your fingertips trace his skin, feather light. “What’s on your mind, sweetheart?” he breaks the silence, his gaze is so full of admiration they’re almost the definition of ‘heart eyes’.
“Just how lucky I am” you state, as if it’s the most obvious answer on earth.
He turns his head just lightly, his lips meeting with the palm of your hand. “Trust me, I am the lucky one” Aaron whispers.
“I just” you begin, but words don’t seem enough to explain how much you love your family. There’s no words to explain how the man has changed your life. How much his encouragement and his faith in you has helped. How safe you feel in his arms, how seen and heard you feel. How appreciated he makes you feel. How much his love has helped you grow as a person inside of the relationship and outside of it as an individual. “I love you” you find no other words. Nothing else captures your heart better than that right now.
He tosses away the book and goes to pull you close. You lay your head on his chest and his heart beat is so steady and calming. Aaron plants the softest set of kisses on your hair while his hands work to cover now the both of you with the warm blanket “I love you so much”. The way his palms are rubbing slow circles on your back is so soothing it almost brings tears in your eyes.
You never thought you’d be getting this far in life. But you’re glad you pushed through and you wish you could tell that to the younger version of yourself. That things are going to get better, it isn’t going to hurt like that forever. You never thought this day would come, but you’re amazed how strong you’ve always been, pushing through when it seemed like the hardest thing to do. Survived, even when the next minute felt too far away.
It hasn’t been easy, you didn’t think life would have anything to give you, other than pain. Yet here you are, laying in your husband’s arms, hopeful about tomorrow and excited to actually grow old with him by your side. See Jack grow up into a handsome young man and see everything that life has to offer.