Work Text:
It was Yoimiya’s idea at first.
The two exchanged videos, mostly Tiktoks, they found hilarious frequently, but eventually she had started sending couples’ prank videos and suggested he tried them on Sara because she had no one to do them on herself. Itto enthusiastically agreed, promising to let her know the results. Things didn’t quite go as planned…
At first he decided to prank her by making a ‘cupcake’ that was really just half of an onion smothered in frosting with a cupcake wrapper. Sara was busy chatting on the phone with a coworker in the next room over, and he waited patiently until she stopped talking to enter the room, ‘cupcake’ in hand. He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, before making his offer.
“Baby, I made a cupcake for you, here.”
He held it out towards her, a bit too eagerly, and she eyed him skeptically before she seemed to come to the realization of something.
“Itto, we’ve been dating for six years now, so I know that you know I don’t like sweets…if you’re trying to prank me, be less obvious about it.”
The woman responded bluntly, although there was a hint of amusement as Itto stared at her dumbfoundedly. He had completely forgotten about her distaste for sweets in his attempt at childish escapades, and mentally slapped himself. It was a rookie mistake. Next time he’d be more successful. He was not.
His second attempt was something she was sure she’d react to. He attempted this her when she wasn’t very busy, merely reading a historical book for entertainment while resting her head in his lap. This prank was merely to state that you’d ‘get back with your ex’ if you broke up, only the ‘ex’ in question was the partner themself. It was his chance to be sappy, which he loved being at any point possible. Plus it was a joke that Yoimiya had suggested, and he found hilarious, so it would totally work.
“Hey, Sara, ask me what I’d do if we broke up.”
”No, I’ll tell you what you’d do. You’d die, I’d kill you myself and hide the body really well, I have enough money to keep people quiet too, I wouldn’t get caught, then I’d happily live out the rest of my single life with no regrets.”
She stated this unblinkingly, not even looking up from her book, and Itto paled attempting to stutter out a response but finding nothing to say, mostly out of fear of making the situation worse because it was definitely bad now. Sara let out a huff, closed her book harshly, and looked up at him.
“You weren’t actually thinking of breaking things off right? We’re getting married in less than a month, and I think this is the best our relationship has been so…”
She was trying to remain her cool and collected self, but her tone betrayed her. She sounded very upset, and Itto immediately felt his stomach twist with guilt. He kissed her forehead, then both her cheeks and finally her lips before responding.
“No, I love you, I was just trying to make a joke about getting back with my ex.”
His regret for his word choice was instant, considering Sara’s response of sitting up and distancing herself from him, with a glare which softened immediately into a face of realization.
“Itto you don’t have any exes, I’m your first, that was a dumb joke…unless you have something you wanna say?”
“No, no! I mean you’d be my ex, because we broke up and I’d get back with you, but like we’re not breaking up actually, it’s a joke.”
Sara rubbed her temples at the explanation before gently shoving him in frustration.
“You scared me you idiot.”
“Aw I didn’t know you could get scared — kidding! I think I’m more scared though, you probably took like three years off my life.”
“That’s you’re own fault for being an idiot.”
She grabbed the collar of his shirt, and tugged him harshly towards her face to meet for a kiss, and Itto decided that maybe the prank hadn’t ended so badly.
His third attempted prank wasn’t really much of a prank at all, and it definitely wasn’t suggested by Yoimiya. He had come across a few TikToks in which the prank was to do something that was revealing in front of a partner who was on a phone call, virtual meeting, etc. The few videos he saw went smashingly (emphasis on smashing) well, and he decided to try it out on Sara, confident the result would be the same, third times the charm of course. Also this prank was mutually beneficial AND had no chances of horrible misinterpretations.
Sara had meetings with her coworkers every Saturday, usually around dinner time. They ended exactly at the same time each week (mostly because of Sara’s punctuality), and thus Itto was prepared to work his charm when the meeting was set to end in five minutes. He had just taken a shower, and thus was only walking about with a towel wrapped around his waist and practically everything else on show. He interrupted Sara’s meeting by entering the room with a soft call of her name (although he made sure he wasn’t in the view of the camera), to which she responded by making the tiniest flustered squeak of surprise, face flushing a furious red. She apologized to her coworkers and decided to end the meeting early, before slamming her laptop shut and marching straight towards Itto. He thought his plan had worked, but…
”Put some damn clothes on! You know I’m in a meeting, why…what if someone saw you!”
Her scolding lasted for several minutes, in which Itto attempted to explain himself only to be met with more scolding for not being able to wait for just five minutes. He didn’t get what he wanted, and instead was sent to sleep on the couch for the night, so he wouldn’t even get any cuddles.
Kujou Sara - 3 Arataki Itto - 0
With a whopping three failures, Itto was starting to loose any hope of successfully pranking Sara, especially since it clearly wasn’t working out and the consequences were usually negative, the pain in his back was a testament to that. He had already texted Yoimiya about the repeated misfires to which she simply replied, ‘F’, much to his frustration. He wasn’t too upset about it though because Sara decided to take him out for a date, which he was very excited about, even if it was a casual thing at a small ramen shop.
They took their seats and made small talk before someone came to take their orders. Itto opened his mouth to answer, but Sara beat him to it.
“Two bowls of tofu ramen, oh and two waters if you don’t mind.”
Her voice was as per usual, and she even offered a small smile to the waiter as he left, as if nothing serious had happened. Itto could only stare at her in horror, and considering she was avoiding meeting his gaze, he knew she was well aware of what she had just did. He hated hated hated beans and by consequence he hated tofu. On top of that he was severely allergic to them, and while he did bring an epipen with him just in case, it didn’t make her betrayal any less serious.
“Are you trying to kill me? You know I’m allergic! This is about that prank isn’t it? I said I was sorry! You already made me sleep on the couch, I didn’t get any cuddles! It’s not fair!”
He whined and pouted childishly, not caring if he was causing a bit of a scene. He was making his frustrations known, poking at Sara’s leg with his foot under the table so she would give him her attention, and an explanation.
”Oh I know you’re allergic, who said it was for you? They’re both for me, and so are the glasses of water, I’m starving.”
”B-but! What about me, your amazing and handsome fiancé who you love so much?”
“Oh? You mean the same fiancé that tried to feed me a frosted onion, made a horrible joke about breaking things off with me and then interrupted one of my meetings? I think he deserves…the instant ramen we have at home.”
Itto sulked, sinking down in his seat and resting his head on the table, clearly getting the message. Eventually the waiter returned with both bowls of ramen as well as the waters that had been ordered, placing them down on the table.
”I’m sorry to bother you, but if you don’t mind, my husband wants tonkotsu ramen.”
Sara spoke up, with her typical calm and collected voice, but Itto instantly perked up at her words. For one, he was excited because he wouldn’t be forced to eat instant ramen and likely suffer the consequences later. But on another note…
”You called me your husband! She called me her husband! Say it again, please please please please please please, I love you so much, oh my gosh, you called me your husband, I’m your husband, like actually, you’re my wife, I love you, please say it again please please—“
His flustered ramblings about the situation hadn’t stopped even after they had gotten home. Sara became so annoyed roughly two hours in that she shut him up her own way.