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Sebastian had two dreams. One he had harbored since childhood standing outside the gates of Maranello , later peering through the mesh barrier as Michael Schumacher soared passed in that beautiful red car. Sebastian dreamed of Ferrari. Even as a four time world champion with red bull, the dream never died. And now? Now he’d made it he was there, but a greater dream had consumed him.
Another deeper more personal wish. One Sebastian harbored in his heart , one which he thought was less likely than driving for Ferrari in that iconic red car. The dream was to race alongside one man, to be teammates with this great warrior, to walk alongside him in the same colors , no matter what team it was for, Sebastian dreamed of racing, walking, smiling, laughing, winning or loosing with Kimi.
And so there he was in red, finally. But his emotions where not aroused by the prancing horse or the red car. The day he walked through the gates of Maranello, Sebastian burst into to tears. The team all elated for him all welcoming, he was showered with hugs and kisses and as is Italian custom everyone was touching and petting him. They loved his emotion, little did they know it was the man standing quietly in the back a smile breaking his usual stoic calm features, which roused the outburst of tears which consumed Sebastian. There in the distance stood his warrior, his wanderer his martyr, there stood kimi his hero.
Flashback –
Sebastian wasn’t nervous, he told himself it was just the heat that was making him sweat but in reality he was both terrified and his nerves where shattered. This wasn’t karting, this was no game. He was about to take the wheel of a proper formula 1 car. He may be just a test driver , but it was a foot in the door and he knew he would go places, he just knew it! Once in the circus of formula one Sebastian instantly found it cold and hostile. No one acknowledged his happy smiles or his respectful nods when he greeted them, they all passed like he was invisible. After two years of being invisible, despite some great achievements with BMW Sauber , the team released him to become a true formula 1 driver for torro rosso.
On his first day he attempted to speak with a young Lewis Hamilton who curtly replied ‘im busy rookie’ and walked off. Sebastian didn’t attempt to speak to any other driver that day, he sat in the corner of the waiting room before they where called for the group photo, which was customary at the start of every season. He should be excited, it was his first appearance in an f1 line up instead he was upset and trying to hide in.
When he eventually looked up from his hands he spotted a young handsome blonde , staring awkwardly around himself, all the other drivers where caught in animated conversation , but everyone was actively ignoring this guy. Sebastian watched their body language as they all stepped away from him or turned there backs. Sebastian knew the blonde guy noticed but he , like seb, was either trying to hide his feelings or didn’t care. Either way Sebastian felt his heart sinking in his chest, he felt suddenly sad for this other driver. He got up and walked over, it felt like a thousand eyes where following him and he could hear whispers already before he even reached the other guy
“is the rookie going to speak to brick wall over there?”
“good luck talking to that guy , what an emotionless bone head”
“look look! Hes gonna try talking to mr finn! Ice ice baby!”
Sebastian wanted to punch someone but remained calm. Once he was close to kimi he realized he had no idea what to say and there was some rather loud chuckling going on behind him.
“Hi, I’m Sebastian, from Germany I just signed for torro rosso” the blonde looked at him, and Sebastian almost took a step back, he did not look friendly or like he wanted to speak to anyone , he had a coldness about him but Sebastian saw something else . This guy, was lonely.
Sebastian smiled his brightest smile “please to meet you” , he held out his hand and watched as the blondes gaze fell onto it then he looked him in the eyes then dropped his gaze back his hand. It was awkward, one of the most awkward moments Sebastian had ever endured with anyone , but then the silent man took his hand with a firm grip and Sebastian would forever more swear that he heard the entire room gasp and then go deadly silent . The only sound after was the rough monotone voice, which seemed to echo through the silence
“Kimi Räikkönen, Finland” Sebastian ignored every signal kimi gave him that the conversation was over. He completely dismissed any notion that he was no longer welcome in Kimi’s ‘space’ and that he should walk away. Instead Sebastian broke out into a massive rant about how interesting Finland seemed, and did Kimi use the sauna? What was a sauna? Why did you go there? He went on and on and didn’t let kimi answer instead he seemed to answer himself. Sebastian distinctly remembered , Hamilton , Alonso, Webber and button starring at him as if they feared for his life. Looking back he could laugh himself at that moment because now he knew kimi, he knew that back then he was so lucky he didn’t get punched, told to piss of , or just blanked with kimi walking away from him.
The thing that made that moment so shocking to everyone, Sebastian realized later , was that kimi stood and listened and even started to smirk as Sebastian went on and on and on. Then they where interrupted by a call to go and sit for there group photo. Once again to everyone’s utter shock and surprise kimi allowed this knew , annoying, ranting German to walk with him and continue ranting!
When it came time to go to there own teams Sebastian ended with;
“Sorry I don’t think I’ve let you say one word! Im just really nervous and really excited and well…. no ones spoken much to me..in fact no has spoken to me at all! And now I haven’t let you speak! Your head must be sore…I swear I’m never usually so annoying…well maybe a little bit. Anyway! I look foreword to the race …and I hope I can talk to you again?”
Kimi had smiled had him , flashing his perfect teeth and Sebastian melted a little.
“sure, good luck with the race. Bye” kimi was a man of few words , very very few words but Sebastian had read a million things into that statement , the most important being , kimi was allowing him to talk with him again! Sebastian wasn’t hopeful enough at that point to assume he had a friend. But at leats if nothing else he had someone to talk to, or talk at .
After that race, the stalky handsome finn who had introduced himself as kimi. Approached Sebastian, completely unprovoked , entirely of his own free will and asked
“Do you have a ride? I can drive you” kimi didn’t initially state where he would drive Sebastian to or say anything more than that. Sebastian soon learned with kimi you had to fill in the blanks, and there was A LOT of blanks. What kimi was offering was a ride to the airport for Sebastian to catch his flight. It took Sebastian more than a moment to decipher that so kimi had to add.
“airport?” to the offer. Sebastian made that “ow” shape with his mouth as if it should have been completely obvious what was happening. He would make that same face at kimi often throughout the rest of there friendship.
The ride to the airport was initially silent until Sebastian started to talk again. Sebastian couldn’t stand silence and was beginning to wonder if being unusually quiet was a Finnish thing. So he asked, completely oblivious as to whether or not it was a rude question.
“So…you don’t say much…do you speak English well? Or is it just a Finnish thing?”
Kimi tapped the steering wheel and seemed to think it over “it’s a Finnish thing” he declared , once again not adding anything more to the statement.
Sebastian sat in silence for a while before trying again to make conversation
“So, finns don’t chat much at all then?”
“no” kimi replied , smiling a little. Sebastian wasn’t satisfied with that because it didn’t properly answer his question . Was kimi saying ‘no’ finns didn’t talk a lot or ‘no’ Sebastian was wrong about his assumptions?.
“no? So am I wrong and your saying no to what I said, or your agreeing with me that finns don’t talk?”
“Your wrong” Sebastian was starting to get just a little frustrated now, he was mentally kicking himself, his mind tormenting him and laughing at him with an internal mantra of “ all the people you picked to speak to it had to be this guy? Well done seb, well fucking done”
There was a longer silence , Sebastian had given up when a miracle happened. Kimi spoke, without prompt, he actually spoke! Sebastian nearly jumped out of the car and did cartwheels out of utter surprise.
“finns are different. We aren’t easy to get to know, you cannot connect with us immediately. Its hard to get friends with a finn , I guess we talk a lot only to people we know well. For years, relationships take time. We aren’t in a hurry we are patient. It makes us seem cold, but we are loyal and straightforward , we don’t mess around, we don’t lie. We are just simple people, not complicated”
Sebastian hung onto every word, every syllable . Everything this man said suddenly seemed of greater importance, Sebastian felt like there was some life lessons in there somewhere. He felt like kimi was coaching him from that first moments, guiding him and suggesting to Sebastian how he could form a friendship with kimi. It felt to Sebastian like kimi was basically saying, “this is how you can get to know me better, this is how we can become friends”. At least that’s what Sebastian took from it and he held onto and used it as advice and from that day foreword he took his time, he was patient, he was honest and as straightforward as he could be.
And as water flows through the streams to reach its final destination, the sea. Sebastian and kimis relationship flowed through season after season until one day Sebastian declared in his own mind, they had become friends. He had made it, he had gotten to know kimi, and kimi knew him. They walked side by side, they smiled, they laughed, they raced, they won and they lost together but it wasn’t enough Sebastian wasn’t wearing kimis colors.
But now, now Sebastian was in red , not Ferrari red, kimi’s red. Finally the team moved aside and Sebastian took kimis hand , an echo of a time long ago when they had first touched. And Sebastian said
“Hi, I’m Sebastian, from Germany I just signed for Ferrari, please to meet you” Sebastian watched as the memory seemed to play in kimis eyes. Kimi remembered. He didn’t let go of Sebastian’s hand.
“Kimi Räikkönen, Finland. I think we have met before” Sebastian grinned and without warning threw his arms around kimi. The team laughed and clapped and chanted there names. Kimi shyly warped his arms back around Sebastian’s smaller frame. He could feel wetness against his cheek , Sebastian’s tears slide between there faces down onto kimis neck.
“what’s wrong?” kimi asked quietly his voice full of concern yet still aware that there was reporters with cameras and mics everywhere.
A gently sob ran through Sebastian’s body then he sighed contentedly and said
“I dreamed of this”
Kimi smiled, held Sebastian tighter and replied, “wake up, I’m not in your dreams. I’m right here. Always”