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Smoking the cigarette in his hand, Luo Yunxi always finds it relaxing, his mind roamed as long as it gave him time to think. He longed for his dream, a toddler wanting to be a notable in the darkest sky. But due to his tough circumstances, everything changed. Luo Yunxi, himself why did he end up doing this, creating such unfortunate events plunged before him. He sold himself for living like an endless hell, begging for someone to save him in this cruel world.
He can be someone's companion, a friend or even a mistress in the exclusive bar, where he was at right now. He was with someone around twenties which is younger than he is now. He puffed his smoke and gulped the wine on the table. For him, it is just a service to be laid with, without commitment and cutting all the emotional feeling in his heart.
"Still not yet done? Don't end up disarraying our bar." He reminded his customer, who felt dizzy and tipsy. He carried him and guided him to his friend, "He was in his drunken state." His friend laughed at the client's mess.
"I'll bring him to his apartment." Bundle of money, warming Luo Yunxi's slender palm. "This is the payment for his reckless idea." He headed out with the man on his side and drove out with a luxury car. Luo Yunxi only relieved at the disappearance, nevertheless his worry about the manager, hasn't been a day when he didn't look agitated.
The breeze scent coming from the cold wind, as the sun will rise in a minute, Chen Feiyu running on his pace. He ran across the pathways inside the room, the whiteness of the hall and the uniform of the people around him, automatically comprehended that he's in a hospital right now. A young man catching up on the outside until he gazes steadily on the tree coming of old age, fresh sprouts blooming on the branches. Fluttering petals makes the scene even more delightful.
"It was called haitang." The doctor caught Feiyu watching the scenery like a displayed gallery. "I told you to rest, gongzi, why don't you listen to your personal doctor here."
"Doctor, I'm much better now."
"Hmmm."
"See?" Chen Feiyu showed his proudly strong bicep, and snickered, his lips forming and showing a euphoria significantly juvenile.
"How old are you? Should I bring you back to the nursery?" His doctor twitched his brows at this silly behavior. "Come with me, I'll check you up." Chen Feiyu humbly sighed and followed his physician.
They walked into an area, it was for children who had an incurable illness, a group of toddlers scattered around, they were giggling and laughing, someone doing a story narration.
Chen Feiyu itching to know where the voice came from, with a soft mandarin accent, his ears led the way and snatched a glance to the unfamiliar presence. Only to his astonishment, the latter was a man but despite that his attractive physical features give a scent and picture that Chen Feiyu reminds of.
That's right, the Haitang tree.
But before his fantasy emerged from within, a loud cry echoed. A tiny girl cried and choked sobs, "Ge-ge I hate it. Why did she disappear?" The realization of her dissatisfaction was the result of an ending, Luo Yunxi retold the story of one of the well-known children's fiction, the tale of the Little Mermaid engraved on the front hard cover in his slender hand.
"Who'll be the one to remember the Little Mermaid?" Another kid raised a question, when the previous one heard it, she launched to sob and wailed again. It broke the sight of the young man, he instantly persuaded the crying girl, he softly patted her, ignoring Luo Yunxi. "Shhh, ge-ge is here. Don't cry."
"Ge-ge will the little mermaid be recalled by the little prince?" The little girl asked Luo Yunxi, it cornered him into a question he couldn't answer. Luo Yunxi himself didn't even know the conclusion of this query until even now. He pursed his thin lips, free slowly to notify them there is no such happy ending, a husky voice answered it for him, "Of course, the prince will always remember Little Mermaid." His smile glowed at the gloomy essence, the children who were wept, became relieved at the revelation. They were starting to launch Chen Feiyu and were interested in his gentle warmth, the ambience he has feeling the tranquility. His palm, caressed another hard bound book, and he is apparently happy and about to start his own narration. The children were quietly attending Chen Feiyu, while doing his reading.
Luo Yunxi stopped his tracks when the doctor in front of Chen Feiyu joined him and moved to the other side, "Mr Luo, thank you for today, I still owe you for this." He looked at Chen Feiyu, and asked about him, "Who is he?"
"Ah, he's my patient." Then, signing Chen Feiyu to remind him that he expected to go back to his room. However, the children wouldn't be happy if he would be taken away, since he took the interest of these young patients. "Mr Luo it seems that you aren't fond of these fairy tales."
"There is no such thing." Luo Yunxi said. His eyes watching the young man who lived happily coaxing the children by his intimidating deep voice. It soothing him, but throbbed at the man stared back at him.
Luo Yunxi was looking at the Haitang tree displayed outside the infirmary, it was attracting the sight added on it's color carnation blossoms. Minutes of his amazement, when Chen Feiyu told him out of the blue, "It is called Haitang."
His eyes peeking at Luo Yunxi as if he's like an exciting lad who will meet his lover, although he sensed the man beside him has a stoic and fiery expression. It couldn't hide his ethereal physique. Luo Yunxi had no idea at the sight of the gentleman who was staring at him, he is a stranger yet he had this friendly aura on him. He coughed, "I know."
"You can call me, Chen Feiyu."
"I assumed that you're sick as well, right?"
"Oh, is that so?"
"I'm not here for chit chatting."
"But I'm here to talk with you." Chen Feiyu warmly smiled. Luo Yunxi widened his eyes, when the man was taller than him, his palm moved at the extent to Luo Yunxi's strand, and patted him, he couldn't understand this man was persuading him like those tiny dependents. His heart melted at the sudden kind warmth.
"Do I look like a child too?" Luo Yunxi slapped his arm, and strolled away. Chen Feiyu shouted from behind, "Ge-ge what's your name?"
Luo Yunxi pretended he didn't overheard what Chen Feiyu meant to say, he could hide it. He reminded himself not to be attached to his own feelings.
Another day has passed for Luo Yunxi, as he laid on his sofa, his part time job as bartender alarmed him when ringing emerged from his phone, he picked it up, the screen said an unknown caller.
"Who is it?" It annoyed him, who the hell called him, thinking it might be his one of the so-called flings. "It's me, laoshi! We met at the hospital, it's me Chen Feiyu."
Chen Feiyu? Luo Yunxi reminisced the aura of the man he met at the room, on that day. But how did he get his number-. "I'm sorry, if I called you. Actually I got it from my doctor."
So, it was Song Yi who gave his contact to Feiyu, what a cunning old man. "What do you want?" Luo Yunxi asked Chen Feiyu, he had no idea what's going on. Why would he be so interested just to reach out to Yunxi? "Laoshi-"
"Don't call me again." He ended the call immediately. Luo Yunxi blocked the number and he moved to fix his uniform. While searching for his clothes, something hard dropped on his closet. It was a pair of white pointes. It was an old memoir from his father.
"Son, you must remember no matter what would be transpired you must have to choose the path for yourself, for your happiness." His father said, and he patted the young Luo Yunxi, after practicing his piece. It was a piece for his audition. He is aiming for the Young Prince of a theater play.
Reality brought him back where he is now, Luo Yunxi slowly touched his head. That man touched him in that area too. Why'd he remind him, to his beloved father?
But he can't stopped himself that after his work after midnight, his feet longing for a place that he doesn't need, he watching those children in an abandoned place, while Chen Feiyu guiding them in an green-moisted land with Haitang tree swaying it's ledge from the wind. His hand flipped a book, and he was about to begin and grinned at them before telling them an exordium of the novel. Luo Yunxi decided to go back to his house, but for some reason, he can't move a leg. He only watched the sight of them from far away.
"Once upon a time. . there's mother duck that laid many eggs." The beautiful atmosphere stopped Luo Yunxi as he was like a young soul who was enchanted by that warm vocal, pronouncing each phrase with enthusiasm.
Another long minute, the session of mini-story telling halted. They were starting to play, while the assistant nurse told Chen Feiyu to rest for a while. Luo Yunxi was startled and shocked, when the young man pacing towards like an errand boy. He immediately walks away but stopped by an arm, yanking him forward. He had no time for resisting him, Chen Feiyu gave him a bowl of warm soup, despite his resistance, he couldn't bring himself at the soft texture of the white wrap floating on his bowl.
"That's wonton soup, winter surely will come so you must have strength."
"But why did you give me this?" Luo Yunxi stared at his bowl, knowing it had nothing special about it.
"I don't know why. . . but I'm giving it to you." Chen Feiyu added another wonton on his bowl, the nurse who was in charge feeding children coughed, the two at the table immediately looked away as if they were caught in the act. Luo Yunxi looked at Chen Feiyu, feeding the other child on his left side, "Gege, can you be my fairy grandmother?"
Chen Feiyu chuckled at him, "Don't you want me to be your brother?"
"Of course I do! Tang Yun said that you can grant a wish!" A child sparkling his eyes to confirm whether Chen Feiyu would grant or not. The nurse told him, "Let your Fei-ge rest, he's been sick."
"Okay." The children understood that Chen Feiyu is a patient. Luo Yunxi softly for the solemn expression of that child, as if he clearly collects a memory in the past.
They were resting before the children went back to their respective rooms. Chen Feiyu and Luo Yunxi were the people left outside. It was a whole day Luo Yunxi stayed, but his heart was satisfied that his own troubles and dilemma withered. As if he longs for a home, where he belongs. Chen Feiyu, glanced at him. He couldn't tell what he's thinking, but the explanation of how he did get his contact, never occurred.
"That child had terminal cancer." Chen Feiyu stated. "For a tiny body, sure he's a strong one," he added. The man only lends his ears.
"But did you know, I was told by them how terrible their narrator is!" He shifted to his cunning smile as he laughed out loud.
"You- you are getting all the patients awake!" Luo Yunxi was startled.
"Don't fret they'll not."
Luo Yunxi hesitated, then inquired, "How are you calm like that, like them you also had an illness."
"Oh, that's right." Chen Feiyu became serious at this topic, certain it might be edging his personal issue, but as for Luo Yunxi he never cared whether he said it or not. "Actually, I... had this disease when I reached it when I was eighteen, my own family decided to broaden my stay here to cure my illness."
It was silence, Luo Yunxi sensed it hit his personal information when Chen opened himself up to him. "Can I ask about what kind case of-"
"It's Lou Gehrig's disease." Chen Feiyu answered. "My doctor discussed it, it was progressive, it slowly affects the nerve cells and spinal cord and out of control daily activities. As for my case, it's rare." He deeply breathed and looked at his hands, "My medication only helps to alleviate the pain but not the symptoms. Soon my physical activities will be affected."
Obviously, it has surprised him the way Chen Feiyu calmly told him about all of it. Luo Yunxi, sure hated the smell of wards, it feels like he was suffocating that's why he never bothered to move inside. Same as for Chen Feiyu, the only relief to his pain was going outside and chatting with him. The sight of Luo Yunxi by his side was beautiful, although he had been handsomely good-looking but it never left his soft spot. The bench they were sitting on the side of the Haitang tree, witnessed their deep conversation.
"It's settled, I'll call you Laoshi from now on." Chen Feiyu stood up, and then walked inside the corridor. He heard Luo Yunxi said, "Don't call me that-"
"Will you tell me your name?"
Luo Yunxi dismissed him, and went straight on his way. Chen Feiyu smiled at this scene, he couldn't tell someone about his personal information. His heart knowingly fast, a drum thumping non-stop, and his smile became serene.
Would you tell me your name, if the time comes that I'll be unable to address you?
Luo Yunxi had no plan to stop his job, but the scene where he and Chen Feiyu chat never erased in his mind, but for some reason, he started to lose interest doing this. He called the manager of the club, and took a day off. He decided to go to the hospital, then he was told by the nurse that the young man was presently doing a physical check up, he waited outside the building. The children giggled at him saying; " You're waiting for Fei-gege?" Luo Yunxi only nodded.
"Don't worry he'll come, he's our grandmother fairy!" Those legs commence to run away to play on the corner.
About minutes went by, Chen Feiyu walked himself outside his body weakly, paced straight to Luo Yunxi. "Laoshi, did you wait for me?" Luo Yunxi turned his back as his reply and forward to the bench, he's placing his hand on the space on his left side, "Just sit here, don't stand there "
Chen Feiyu beamed at sudden changes in heart, he sat slowly and cheered himself after those medications he endured for the past few days. His mother told him she'll pay a visit after her job. She's his only guardian after all. Doing several jobs just to pay his medical bills, every month. Just pained for his part as the son, he cares for her well-being, Chen Feiyu bears all his pain and secretly hides it, it changed when Luo Yunxi appeared on that day.
"Is there something on my face." Luo Yunxi asked him. Chen Feiyu realized he glued his eyes to him.
"No, t-that's not it."
"Then, what?"
"I'm just. . . thinking if laoshi has a goal or dream he wants to attain?" He changed the topic to bury his embarrassing action. Luo Yunxi, on the other hand, would not have predicted that he would be interrogated by this, he replied, "In my childhood days, I. . . dreamt, many people would be watching my dancing ballet."
"Really? Then I guess you have a good laoshi."
"Hm, yes it was my father who taught me. He said that it was suited for me."
"I certainly do believe he loves you very much."
"What did you just say?"
"I think your father is a good person, from what you've said." Luo Yunxi widened his eyes at him. That was the truth, he has a good father that alway been good to him, as he taught him ballet from the toes stretched up and elegantly twirling with a flexible body. Luo Yunxi never counted how many times his father taught him at heart, the compassion of showing ballet at such a young age. Chen Feiyu does resemble this kind of warmth from his father.
"Yes. He is." Luo Yunxi gently smiled. Chen Feiyu couldn't imagine how beautifully his smiles exhibit right now. "Laoshi, you should follow what your heart says."
"But. . ."
"If you love ballet, you should be back doing it. I believe that it's your heart yearning to."
He didn't know why Chen Feiyu pushed at this idiocy, but it pushed his motivation, he told the truth to him.
He stood up, and only said, "Tomorrow, I'll show you."
Chen Feiyu smiled and chuckled, it irritated him. "What are you laughing at?"
"No I'm not."
"Liar."
From that day Luo Yunxi downloaded his piece through his phone and memorized his posture once more. His legs spinning along with his body, and the sweat flowing on his forehead. He was practicing ballet since the sun rose up to the azure sky outside.
Afternoon he went back, however the nurse told him Chen Feiyu had an episode of seizures that morning, it stings his emotions. He still waited outside until evening, he couldn't step himself inside because of the trauma. As if it is going to happen again. Imagining Chen Feiyu weakly collapsed, worried him even more. How could he endure those medications everyday? How did he endure the pain for years? Having an illness that will make you reset everything was hard on his part. Luo Yunxi came to his realization, it only means he did care for him, but was more than that. His heart beats out of him, at the sight of Chen Feiyu waved, slowly running from him, gleaming warmly. His worried face softened, Luo Yunxi felt pain in his smile.
His hand was pulled and they went to the secret place only Chen Feiyu knew. It was a place, and they caught the million stars twinkling up the sky, Luo Yunxi was careless at meeting a place, be it on the hotel or other place where he can survived by entertaining his clients, the involvement with Chen Feiyu, going with him was his own willingness.
They sat in the blanket spread on the grassy ground. Chen Feiyu coughed, "Laoshi, it's been a long time since I stayed in this place, so you're the only one who I told about it."
"I know"
"Laoshi."
"What?"
"May I ask what is the reason you stopped ballet?" Luo Yunxi looked up at the sky, and sighed. It pressured him by begging for his personal life, it is a fair square if he's being honest to Chen Feiyu. "I. . . " His memories wavered.
"I auditioned for a play, when my father died with a heart attack on the same day. I never expected that was the last time I saw him. After that, I quit ballet." He continued his story, "I wasn't being honest."
"Laoshi, it must be hard on you. Losing someone you held dearly."
"My father would always keep telling me that dancing ballet must keep on showing kindness, so that the spectator can relate." Chen Feiyu was saddened by the indication of his past. It feels like he felt the sorrow that Luo Yunxi held in his tiny body, crying and begging heavens to bring his father back on that day. "Even though it wasn't easy. I failed at my audition and everything messed up until now. I. . . blamed myself for what happened, and I. . . stopped my schooling, engaging with different jobs until I found myself entertaining clients. I worked as a bartender, but sometimes worked as the drinking partner even in bed. That is the only thing that kept me alive everyday." He was surprised that after telling his painful past, Chen Feiyu cried.
"Laoshi."
"Tsk, such in a man's body, you're acting like a child."
"I'm so sorry."
"But I'm relieved." He stood up and faced Chen Feiyu, "I told you that I'll show it, treat it as my free service."
He starts inhaling some air, flexing his body, then spins several times. Chen Feiyu only watched him, his eyes started to blurry, he doesn't even know the reason why, Luo Yunxi pouring out those emotions on his dance. The eyes of a fiery phoenix, attached his hands on his own thin waist. His face held out an expression Chen Feiyu knew of.
Luo Yunxi stopped and bowed himself, and turned back to his position, Chen Feiyu couldn't even hold himself from the emotions he felt, his eyes swollen as the tears were still flowing down on his face, he was speechless. He couldn't contain the pain, and the sadness. His arms embraced Luo Yunxi, buried his face on his shoulder, Luo Yunxi could tell he was silently crying, his clothes were soaked from the wet tears.
Wanting to patted Chen Feiyu, however he stopped himself from doing so. He waited until he sober up. " I did it for free, why are you still crying?"
"Laoshi, it hurts."
"Where does it hurt?"
"Here. . ." Chen Feiyu's fingertips barely indicate his chest, and Luo Yunxi couldn't explain this feeling. He let Chen Feiyu embrace him and spent the night.
Everyday, Luo Yunxi went back to his first love from dancing ballet as he sways around, his feet touching the moisture ground from dew grass. The children were amazed by the sight of him.
"Woah, a beautiful fairy!" The child shouted in awe. Luo Yunxi flinched at the eyes being cornered him. Chen Feiyu only smiled and crossed his arms, while watching him.
After practicing, Luo Yunxi rested for a time, he was offered a drink. He took the cup and gulped several times, "Laoshi, does it hurt?" Luo Yunxi was clueless about this part, then the man in front of him lowered himself down, and took off the flat shoe on Luo Yunxi slender foot. He panicked, he felt disgusted at the sight of Chen Feiyu looking at the ugly scars painted on his ankle.
"Don't! Don't look at it!"
"Does it hurt?" Chen Feiyu pursed his lips at the scars inkling on the skin, he knew it must be hurt. Luo Yunxi couldn't hear his soft mumble, only the lips felt on his skin, as the young man kissed the ugly laceration. "What are you doing?"
"I kissed the pain all the way." Luo Yunxi prickled at the words he said, it haunts him. The pain, the sorrowness, the depressive side of him. It still haunts him, lurking in his shadows. But with the magic words coming from Chen Feiyu, it enlightened his mood. He pulled out his ankle from Chen Feiyu and stood up, he couldn't believe that his heart fluttered.
Chen Feiyu loves to tease him. For him, he only comforted Luo Yunxi, he glimpsed his shoes wrapping loosely, and something was wrong, he wanted to look at his feet, but it only showed him those scars.
For him, those scars we're the most beautiful. Tiny toes were standing up, dancing in the air and elegantly focused on the ground. It was hinted to him that maybe this young Luo Yunxi, in his certain age, was a hardworking person, until he had these injuries before the audition took place. A young smile pictured, never minded the blood on the ground.
They went again to their secret place that night, as Chen Feiyu looked at Luo Yunxi, he was really nervous. "Laoshi have you heard about the story of The Red Shoes?"
"..."
"It was a tale of a young girl who was wearing red shoes, she was told by her mother that she mustn't showing it up on the church. However, she was cursed." He laid on the ground, Chen Feiyu pillowed his arms. He started up his story, "the girl was cursed and her feet were out of her own volition. Until she finds an executioner and finally he chopped her legs to save her on her demise."
Luo Yunxi had no idea the reason Chen Feiyu told him about one of the fairy tales, but Chen Feiyu was so serious narrating, his voice calmly inhaling and exhaling a husky air.
"For me, you're just like the little girl in the story."
"What?"
"Her poster mother loves her very much, as she gifted her shoes, that's because she knows that little girl will love it."
"...."
"Laoshi, don't stop walking on your dream. I... I want to see you dancing on the stage."
"Stop pouting nonsense." Luo Yunxi's heart beats fast again, again and again.
His manager seemed to notice him, then he asked; "You're in a good mood today?"
"Did I look like that?"
"Of course it is written all over your face."
"I. . ."
"I don't know why but you have changed."
After his job, he arrived at the building. Luo Yunxi steps forward, but he spotted Doctor Song Yi.
"Doctor, Mr. Chen collapsed this morning." The other nurse informed him. Luo Yunxi ambled forward with them but his panic arose ahead of him. He can't enter those narrow hallways.
It hurts. . .
Luo Yunxi heard the familiar voice coming from a man he met, it was Chen Feiyu. He was scared of his illness. His determination to exceed the path, allows his fear to subside. Everyone around him inside was shocked as he was running and panting, he looked for Chen Feiyu's number room until he found it. Led the way inside, he glimpsed the young man sleeping in a bed. Luo Yunxi remembered his loving father, lying in a familiar building. Those apparatus injected on the regions was the only thing his father made him alive.
His hands gently squeezed Chen Feiyu's hand. It was cold, but the emotions warmed his face and even his hands. It only takes time where in a moment like this, clouded images welcomed Chen Feiyu when he saw Luo Yunxi.
"Laoshi, why are you here?" He sat up and looked at Luo Yunxi, his hand felt wet. Realizing that Luo Yunxi shed tears. And he was also surprised that Luo Yunxi came here in his room. He gently wrapped himself, and cupped Luo Yunxi's messy face. He rubbed using his thumb to catch his tears.
Luo Yunxi only jerked his head. He immediately backs away, but things do not agree with fate. A bottle spins, he quickly comprehends the pain Chen Feiyu felt while looking at him. The contained substance has Kratom inside.
"Give it back."
"Why have you had this?"
"Give it back."
"Laoshi, please tell, if you we're not going to say anything, it will only hurt you-"
Luo Yunxi choked a sob, then he murmured,"I. . . " Chen Feiyu was hurt to see him like this. "I'd never planned to attach to someone." Fresh tears were flowing, "But. . . it happened to be you." He was grabbed by Chen Feiyu in his embrace, "Laoshi."
"I tried to kill this emotion everyday, I tried to tell myself not to be here, but... I couldn't help it!"
"Laoshi, don't take this okay." Chen Feiyu dropped the bottle in his windows."It will only harm you, and your health, I don't. . . want you to be in pain." He tightened his hold, never wanting to let Yunxi escape from his body, as he felt it was shivering due to panic, Chen Feiyu could only close his eyes and caress him.
He chuckled, at the scene like he was coaxing and petting Luo Yunxi in his arms. Luo Yunxi nodded with the agreement. "Laoshi, promise me, you would never do anything that would harm you okay?"
"I promise."
"That's another promise then."
They stayed like that, Chen Feiyu rubbed the tearing Luo Yunxi's face, he had become thin, thinking it'd been the side effects of the kratom, his face was in sorrow, hard for the man to go back and forth just to visit him. Luo Yunxi slept like a baby, in his arms, Chen Feiyu stared down at him for hours if only they could stay like this forever, he wanted it, prayed for it.
Song Yi was shocked that the two of them were sleeping in Chen Feiyu's bed. Chen Feiyu composed himself and faced him, telling "He's only sleeping."
"We need to talk." He followed Song Yi in his office, Chen Feiyu bowed his face to those employees. He sat shortly, and quite listened to what Song Yi would say.
"It is possible that there's no cure?"
"I'm afraid to tell you, there is no alternative drug aside from riluzole."
"It is okay, I would be okay as long as there is someone who will always remember me."
"Do you know how fatal it is if you don't treat it? I told you, don't skip your medication."
"I did tell you that I don't want to be a burden?"
"Feiyu-!"
"That's enough. . . I don't want to be a burden, especially not to him." He solemnly stood straight from his posture, and told Song Yi, "Don't tell this to him." Chen Feiyu asked again, "How did you and Laoshi meet?"
"Why did you ask me this?"
"He. . . he had kratom in his stuff."
"That, idiot."
"Tell me."
"He's an old patient of mine, he tried to commit suicide, but fortunately for him he survived, Heaven's was on his side." It was only silence after that statement, Chen Feiyu couldn't make himself imagine Luo Yunxi's suffering.
"But I told him to not take Kratom."
"So that's why he became like that, as if he is scared to be true to himself, why did I only realize it now?"
"Feiyu,"
"I. . . I'm selfish after all, I'm scared to be alone, but he was scared too." He cupped and cried, he only cried his heart out.
Luo Yunxi woke up, his feeling had something really off, he detected that he wasn't with his apartment, his room. His face blushed from the embarrassment yesterday. He caught the image of Chen Feiyu entering the room. He didn't even have the glimpse to look at his swollen face from crying.
"Oh you're awake laoshi!"
"I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"Yesterday."
"Don't worry, I forgive you."
"..."
Luo Yunxi went to the rooftop to smoke, he almost had a heart attack when Song Yi sat beside him. Judging by his exhausted expression, the doctor sure realized what was going on between him and Chen Feiyu. "Mr Luo, I didn't notice it was you."
"...."
"Don't be mad at me, it is just that you look younger than me."
"...."
"Have you heard of his illness? He has a progressive disease, later on, will keep him more vulnerable. He wouldn't be different from the dead." Song Yi explained. "He is a really unfortunate child."
"Is there really no cure?" He asked.
"What a coincidence! He had also said the same thing."
"What?"
"Nevermind."
He went back to the room, Chen Feiyu was waiting for him inside and he opened his palm, he caught the sight of those needles pricking on his muscled hand made him uncomfortable, but shining object gleaming into Luo Yunxi's view, which had locks and a decoration of engraved Haitang on it. He enveloped the silvery twigs on Luo Yunxi's neck, and locked the tip. The stature of his laoshi made his heart happy, sending his token of affection.
"Laoshi, the haitang looks good on you." Then, he hugged him, "I promise, that I will always be here, by your side."
He sighed and gazed at the man. His heart pains him, Chen Feiyu falling himself really hard for him. It was love at first sight.
"Laoshi, can you promise me one thing?"
Luo Yunxi's eyes became swollen and nodded, "What is it?"
"Can you also promise me that no matter what happens, choose what your heart says."
This sentence broke him again, even more. He bobs at the favor.
Months passed by, but Chen Feiyu's illness was more inadequate than before. There are times he speaks in a slurred voice sometimes, until his tongue even finished a sentence, but Luo Yunxi remained by his side. Chen Feiyu sometimes became irritated and anxious, his attention even to the food he loves, was filled with sickness, unable to normally chew and ended up hurting himself in the process. They always venture to the place they'd been exploring. Chen Feiyu stared above while watching in silence, the group of children playing with their hearts content, and the fresh aroma coming from the breeze, haitang flowers swaying downward, as he turned to head back at Luo Yunxi, eyeing the necklace he wore, sat beside him, and he stared at his face. Luo Yunxi knew this, he expected it. Chen Feiyu became lifeless, sitting in his wheelchair.
"You are the one who gave this." He touched the jewel. "It is called Haitang."
Chen Feiyu only stared at him. Luo Yunxi regained the emotions he felt for him. As he replied, "With this, I'm your Laoshi." His expectation, to let Chen Feiyu to remember him by showing his gift, made his eyes red but he bravely did not cry.
As the times move forward, Luo Yunxi watching the man sleeping, his peaceful entity, makes his heart dying. Soon, all of the encounter they had will be just a memory. His thoughts, back at the reality when Chen Feiyu breathing, his chest moving up and down, his eyes cracked open, and he stiffed at his posture on the bedstead. His strimming tears, sliding down, and instead apologized in a slur voice."I-. . .I'm sorry Laoshi."
"What are you apologizing for?"
"I c-couldn't... keep m-my promise, I f-failed you." Chen Feiyu knew this, and Luo Yunxi too.
"You. . . didn't." Luo Yunxi affirmed him.
"L-laoshi, you can a-abandoned me, I won't resent you."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm a-always forsaken, l-look at me." Chen Feiyu cried upon himself. He cupped his face, he continued; "D-did you know that my family never visits me, I... I lied to you Laoshi. My. .. My mother never cared about me, they forgot me! All of them! For them, having me was an accident!"
"Feiyu. . ."
"I'm a-afraid that I can't keep my promise to be by your side, I'm afraid even more thinking I'll leave you alone. I'm scared that I'll." He cried and whimpered, "Please abandon me."
"I'll not-!"
"Laoshi!"
"Isn't it just you who said what my heart was supposed to?
"...."
"This is what my heart says, it wants to be with you!" Luo Yunxi suddenly positioned his lips on Chen Feiyu, it was warm. Chen Feiyu widened his eyes, and tears were falling on his handsome complexion. After their first and passionate kiss, Chen Feiyu hugged him tighter and his head positioned Luo Yunxi's shoulder.
"If only I hadn't met you. . . if only I hadn't talked with you that day." Luo Yunxi said, "Will my heart still be the same? But I'm glad. . . that I met you."
"L-laoshi is so bold now, no?" The big man said, teasing him out of nowhere.
"Are you laughing? I'm your senior after all."
"Laoshi, I'm h-happy that we met like this. There's something I.. t-truly want to tell you."
"I'm listening."
Chen Feiyu caged the man again, and rubbed his baby face on Luo Yunxi's messy hair. "W-we have all the free time in this world, s-someday I w-will tell you."
Then we have all the time in the universe, just you and me.
But after another month passed by, Chen Feiyu couldn't walk or even move an arm and leg, he stayed on those white ceilings, his mouth could not even produce a sound, he's alive but his body was already dead. Luo Yunxi straight in his place, after his lesson as a ballet instructor, he decided to quit his job in the club.
Everyday, Luo Yunxi always visits him. At the present time, the young man is in his coma. Only the machine lended an air for him to breathe. He also paid the medical bills for Chen Feiyu.
He always read him a book, like how was the first time they met. He sat beside the soft white mattress, holding an old book. It was spring, when Haitang blossomed and flowed down. He narrates him the story of Little Mermaid:
The little mermaid pulled by the purple curtain from the tent, and she saw the lovely bride sleeping with her head on the prince's breast, and she bent down, kissed him on his handsome forehead, looked up at the sky where the dawn grew stronger and stronger, looked down at the sharp knife and once more fixed her eyes on the prince, who named his bride by name in his dreams, she alone was in his thoughts, and the knife shook in the mermaid's hand, but then she flung it far out across the waves, which gleamed red when it fell, so it looked like drops of blood trickling up out of the water.
Once more she gazed at the prince with half-glazed eyes, rushed off the ship down into the sea, and felt her body dissolve into foam.
Now the sun rose out of the sea. Its rays fell so gently and warmly on the deathly cold sea-foam and the little mermaid did not feel death, she saw the bright sun, and up above her there floated hundreds of transparent, lovely creatures; through them she could see the ship's white sails and the sky's red clouds, their voice was a melody, but so spiritual that no human ear could hear it, just as no earthly eye could see them - without wings they floated in their own lightness through the air.
He closed the last panel of the book, his tranquil face yet in pain, he could only eyed the young man from his slumber, praying he would wake up and greet him like he always did, but he couldn't accept the epiphany of by implying by those lips breathe, he inhaled to speak out his emotional state; "Feiyu.."
"I. . ." he held his hand and continued, "I just want to tell you that. . . it's okay, " his tears falling from his Phoenix eyes. "It's okay for you to go now, just like the little mermaid." He sobbed and choked out the remaining words left, "You don't have to worry, I'll not be that prince, your memories. . . will be kept hidden here." He pointed to his left chest where the heart resided, "I'll never ever forget you." Everyone didn't interfere as Doctor Song Yi instructed, the nurses cried when Luo Yunxi said these words.
After a moment, the ringing sound from the machine gave out, and was signaling straight the green line coming from the black screen. Indicated that the patient passed away. Chen Feiyu countenance was calm, his only wet tear sliding through his face, after Luo Yunxi decided to let him go. Luo Yunxi cried his heart out, and he signed his face to the body of the lifeless young man.
The funeral was held shortly, Luo Yunxi couldn't mourn, he could not even cry, his tears dried out of him. A young woman abruptly approached him. Chen Feiyu's guardian, as Luo Yunxi grasping the hold of an urn in his hands. The woman cried at the scene, shaking her hands looking at the ceramic.
Luo Yunxi was mad, how could this heartless woman abandon her child, his thought even worse that she might be here for the insurance, it doubled the pain he felt. Chen Feiyu perished in vain, but he was happy for meeting Luo Yunxi only a fleeting time.
"Feiyu." The woman cried, Luo Yunxi excused himself. He didn't want to give Chen Feiyu, even if they were relatives, especially even his mother.
"Wait!" The woman followed him, "I'm his mother! Give me my son back to me!
"He. . . he doesn't want to."
"What?"
"Do you know how he endured all the pain those years? He suffered enough. . ." He looked at the woman, she resembles Feiyu but he won't look at her, "Feiyu, suffered enough, so please let him rest."
"I'm still his guardian! You are acting like he owns you!"
"Then tell me, where were you in those years? If you're his mother, why did you abandon him?"
"I. . ."
"That's enough, you're not worried about him, you're even forsaken your responsibility as a mother, so you're not his guardian at all. " Luo Yunxi ignored the whimpered sound from the woman as he turned his back and took his steps away.
He placed the urn, to the ceramic engraved Chen Feiyu's information. He went back to his apartment wearing black suit. His body weakened at the stress he's been feeling. He missed having that chatter with Feiyu. He missed the voice and the face smiling at him. He clenched the necklace tightly, he reminded the Haitang tree at the hospital. Then, his messy room scattered with the picture of those children's stories.
It was Chen Feiyu's treasured stuff.
He saw the unfamiliar hand-written, implied in the book, he flipped it and saw the messages. It was a cute one, Luo Yunxi chuckled at how this was composed, despite this messy alignment Chen Feiyu managed to convey.
[Laoshi, is like a little ugly duckling, but sometimes he's like that little girl who wore red shoes, or Ariel the little mermaid. All of that, he's a kind person]
Then he flipped to another page, 'Laoshi would never know how I got his number, actually I asked Doctor Song to know more about him, it was embarrassing.'
Another page flipped again,
'Even if my mind might have forgotten him, my heart wouldn't'.
Luo Yunxi stiffened himself at the last message.
'That day, I want to tell him what my heart says. But I'm afraid that I might giving him weird reaction as we are both men, so I just only hugged him, his existence is enough. . .'
' I'll never forget that I always love him'
I love you.
The tears wet the color pages, Luo Yunxi cupped his face in his distress.
"I love you too." He only replied, he knew Chen Feiyu wouldn't hear it. But he felt that he might be here seeing him crying. He choked a sobbed, hugging the tough cover Chen Feiyu used to read. Little did the mermaid notice that the Prince mourned for her, little did the girl learn that her mother selected her favorite color just to treat her like a princess, and little did the ugly duckling know that he would find his own pathway to know himself, that he was a beautiful swan. Luo Yunxi reminded himself, the place where he was before.
He walked through the whiteness coming from the sky, it was winter. He never bothered himself to bring any cover to ease the frozenness. All he wants is to be with that place, that place, the beginning of everything with his encounters and memories with the man who was like the rays of a ball of sunshine, the man who saved him from the dark, cutting his chains that keeps binding him.
He sighed at the place, his vision kept seeing Chen Feiyu's smile. His presence hallucinates him. Luo Yunxi laid himself on the cold ground, not with the expectation of the dazzling stars displayed but with the snow slowly falling on his face.
"It is snowing, Feiyu. . . did you see it too?" His body feels cold, even his heart. Luo Yunxi smiled before he said his last words, "I'm sorry if I couldn't keep my promise, I just want to see you again, does it give a reason that I'm selfish person? Feiyu, I just want to see you. . ."
His eyes closed and the time passed, his warm body turned into frigid temperature. He hoped it was just part of his dream. He barely heard the cooling blizzard, the warmth feeling tapped his shoulder when Luo Yunxi catched the familiar shining sunshine of a man, with the marvelous vast atmosphere and scorched from humility, symbolizing the summer, his smile made Luo Yunxi breaking in tears, hugging this young man, would feel him that he finally found his solace.
And they'll never ever be apart.