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It had been only a few months since their fight. No hard feelings brewed between the two, not in the slightest, no. One would say their fight actually caused their fast friendship, their differences and mutual envy of each other sparked something genuine.
They were in Gosha's apartment, getting ready for bed, taking a quick bath together, splashing in the water, goofing around, as kids do, the joyous, flailing tails only added to the mess, flinging suds all over the wall and floor. They were fascinated by the movement of the little waves they'd make. When they were heaving and tired, Jack and Legosi slowed down, playing with the bubbles in their hands and between their fingers with childlike curiosity, eventually scooting closer, and helping each other get clean.
Scrub scrub scrub, Legosi played with Jack's fur, making a little mountain range of fur along his back, he giggled to himself, ruffling it up, Jack pretended to detest, but his tail betrayed him, wagging sluggishly in the denseness, occasionally brushing against Legosi's leg underwater, which dominoed into his own doing the same. Legosi was really careful with Jack, didn't scrub too hard, he doesn't want accidentally hurt him.
When they finished, squeaky clean, they dried off, dressed up in their pajamas, brushed their teeth, and headed to Legosi's room to zonk out for the night, together. The wolf walked all funky to get a chuckle from Jack, which he succeeded in. It was a shrill, boyish laugh, Legosi couldn't help but giggle too.
Gosha stopped him for a moment, a warm, paternal smile stretched across his face, he hunched down and asked if Jack wanted to sleep on the couch instead, or if he wanted a spare mattress.
Jack just grinned, "no sir! I don't wanna be that far from Legosi, besides, I'm comfy sleeping with him!" Legosi showed no signs of opposing, and instead stood relaxed, tail swaying slowly.
Gosha ruffled their head fur the way a father would his little champ, and left them to their own devices, they slipped in bed, and as energetic kids do, they talked about this, that, and the other until they tuckered themselves out. Jack snuggled into Legosi's puffy, after-shower fur, squeezing him in a hug, which Legosi returned without hesitance. They remained like that, as they slept soundly together, having dreams of big, bizarre things they wouldn't remember in the morning.
***
It had been a few years
They were in Jack's backyard, the weather channel said it would be a little warmer than usual today.
Legosi was sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce on the grass, letting a beetle wander the surface of his hand, twisting his wrist to allow for another flat surface when the little bug ran out of room, Jack was lying on his belly, doing his math homework, occasionally chewing his pencil out of boredom or thought, they were in his backyard, on a Wednesday, the shade from the single tree and the unpainted wooden fence kept them cool.
Legosi had something on his mind, "hey, Jack?" His voice carried a certain melancholic rasp to it, and a depth that isn't very common for boys his age, "I heard your parents talkin' about something.. can I ask you about it?"
"Sure! What's up Gosi?" Jack, always eager, that precious chipper attitude, with constant effort and care into every little thing made the little wolf's heart happy.
"Your dad was yellin' somethin' about 'fags,' and he sounded awful upset at.. whatever it was that he was thinking about, at least when I came in. S'it a bad word? What does it even mean?"
The dog scratched his neck, "oh uhm, I think it's a mean thing people use to talk about boys who like other boys"
Legosi carefully shifted to lie down on his stomach, next to Jack, still letting the bug explore his hand. "Am I a fag?"
"Well, do you like boys?"
"I like you"
Jack scratched his chin cartoonishly, as though he were deep in thought, though it only took a couple seconds to respond.
"I like you too.. does that mean we're fags?"
"I guess so, but I don't wanna be anythin' else if it means I can't be aroun' you"
Jack looked at him, neither of them understood the extent of the words, however, they definitely felt it. Jack's face felt a little warm, he reached up to pet Legosi's head a bit, scritching in his favorite spot behind his left ear, and returned to his work, smiling wide.
Legosi let the bug crawl back onto the ground, and rolled over, lazily throwing his arm around Jack and squeezed, then watched him do homework in silence. Occasionally, Jack would pause to tell Legosi about whatever entered his mind. He admired his intelligence, his head was the same size as everyone else's (relatively speaking of course), yet there was always more information in his noggin than anyone else he'd ever met, even his grandpa or his mother, there was still room in his brain for more thoughts that he'd grasp at like a fish in the river.
This time he was talking about how he recognized a pattern in- whatever work he was doing, Legosi usually never understood, but he liked listening anyways, and Jack knew that, so he'd explain a little more in depth.
Their tails never stopped wagging, all through the time Legosi was with him in the backyard, and the sun began to set. Jack's fur glowed all angelic like whenever the time was right, like now. The wolf felt a tickle in his chest, he giggled.
"What's so funny?" Jack asked, with a brow raised
"You're so cool," the words just spilled from his mouth, a thin, warm smile tugged at his lips.
And just like that, their tails were wagging again.
***
Jack hadn't seen any tears on his face, not even a frown. His eyes though, which had always held a silver sheen to them appeared more so a lifeless grey, dull, void, unlike the Legosi he knew. He refused to speak to any of the guests, only sticking close to Jack, and even then would stumble off by himself.
Legosi hadn't spoken a word to Jack since a few days ago, he hadn't spoken a word to anyone, really. Jack was there when Legosi was bombarded with the usual spiel, 'I'm sorry for your loss' and 'She's in a better place now', he was there when he heard them flapping their gums about the deceased behind her back, he was sure that Legosi had, unfortunately, heard it too, but his best friend's body language suggested nothing.
Jack caught Legosi, more than once, staring at his hands, balling them, and then sprawling out his fingers again, grey eyes trailed up his arms. He wished he could read his mind, he wants to help, he doesn't want him to hurt, not ever. Sometimes you can't, though, but he didn't stop trying, he'd stick close by, he'd still talk to him, as well as for him (whenever he encountered a two faced condolence) he tried to hold his hand, which was never refused on Legosi's end, though sometimes he'd let go to scan once more over his too-big-hands, and, not wanting to encroach, Jack let him. Legosi was silently grateful for Jack's unconditional presence, for his being, the one thing that kept him grounded, and he'd carry that gratefulness into the grave.
The young dog took this time to look around the room, very few people actually had the courage to talk to Gosha, who was on his knees before a picture he had of his wife, Toki, and Leano as a baby, hands together in sorrowful prayer. The guests stood together, and gossiped amongst themselves, only rarely about something positive, it was mostly prejudice, hatred for the taboo. Rather than celebrating her life, they were celebrating her death, that what they saw as despicable, had finally come to an end.
Jack's blood boiled, how dare they, his jaw clenched, how could they speak so ill of the dead and their grieving family? Gosha is emotionally distraught, left with only a grandson to his name, his wife and daughter died, his bereavement on display to the crowd of animals, crowd of monsters.
He took a deep breath, there was no point in worrying about it now, all he could do was be better than them, be there for Legosi, and in turn, his grandfather. Speaking of, Jack thought, where is Legosi?
He glanced at his sides and around the room, but there was no sign of him in immediate sight. He wasn't in the main room, so Jack decided to check outside, and he pushed through the heavy backdoor. There he was, amongst the bushes and bramble, trees and their branches, vines and flowers. The garden was wet with rain, the slightly caved concrete steps contained little puddles. Legosi was crouched, picking a flower, a beautiful pinkish rose, he cut the stem with his claw, looking down at it. The scene was reminiscent of an old baroque painting, one that would be dated 17-o-something, with the name of some pretentious dead guy on the back of the canvas, and a specific meaning written on dusty paper in the drawer of said dead guy's desk, no real artful intent behind it. Legosi is too good for any of that, he held that belief firmly.
His ears shot up when he heard Jack approaching, whom he turned towards. When he stood up, and finally looked up at Jack, their eyes locked in contact, Legosi held out the flower to him, which was met with a confused turn of the head. The wolf only smiled, the first time in awhile, and mouthed, "take it, it's for you,"
Jack twirled the flower by the stem, looking at it from every angle, it was beautiful, more so that it was gifted to him by Legosi. He was getting ready to say his thanks when he was interrupted by a bone crushing hug.
"I have to tell you something," he said, "now that my mom is dead.. she.. I.. I can't keep the secret anymore"
"I'm here for you," his brow was curved up in worry. Legosi pulled away, looking smaller by the wringing force of his burden.
"She.. she locked herself up.. because she was changing - changing on the outside. She was becoming a komodo dragon.. those people are judging grandpa, and judging her for her blood.. but they don't know.. what caused her to kill herself, they don't know what she went through, what happened. She only cared about.. her appearance to the world, just like them."
He took a deep breath, composing himself before scratching his arm a little, there was an itch there, a burn, he scratched a little too hard.
"I could've saved her, Jack, I could have-! I-!" He held his head in agony, falling to a crouched position, Jack quickly followed suit, throwing himself around Legosi, and squeezing tightly. He didn't cry, no tears came from his eyes then, but the dull grey in them kept getting darker, and darker. He started to hyperventilate, shaking from the flooding guilt and anxiety of his realization, his pent up stress brought upon him by his mother to keep her secret, he couldn't take it, he wanted to die.
Jack just kept holding him, petting his head softly, telling him that it's going to be okay, that he's not at fault, that he's sure, whatever Legosi took blame for, his mother didn't reciprocate the notion. He scritched at his favorite spot gently, trying to get some serotonin flowing.
Legosi took a while to calm down, to stop drowning, and crawl to the shore of his raging river, but when he did, he threw his arms around his best friend again. He nuzzled Jack's chest, which was never denied, he wanted the wolf to feel his presence, that he was there, and would be there until the end of time.
***
It had been a couple of weeks since the funeral, and the beginning of middle school rolled around, Gosha sent Legosi off to be enrolled in Cherryton, thinking it would be best, he wanted the boy to have time to himself, regardless of how he felt. Jack begged his parents to let him follow, which they allowed, with little hesitance, Cherryton was prestigious, but they were pretty caught up on his reason for wanting to go there. To stay with Legosi, be with him like he always had. His father was a bit skeptical, however, the benefits outweighed his skepticism.
They'd grown, Jack seemed to be growing about as much as you'd expect for a twelve year old Labrador, Whilst Legosi was a little taller than one might think, a little taller than just a wolf. He outgrew most of the other boys in his grade by a good 6 inches, maybe 7. Jack had some only a bit of meat on his bones, whilst Legosi was slender, any sort of meat he did have, was muscle. Only the essentials, though, even then it was concealed by fur, he hadn't trimmed in a few months.
When they reached their dorm, room 701, and entered, they were greeted by their new roommates for the rest of their time there.
They introduced themselves to the newcomers, after a short period.
There was Collot, the tall womanizer-like English sheepdog, he wore a tank top to beat the heat, and some basketball shorts. He fanned himself with his hand, panting, poor guy. His long fur covered his eyes, and went on until it barely touched his snout.
Right above him, on the frame of the top bunk, was Voss, a small fennec fox, with a darker pigment to his fur than most, he sounded like a female in terms of his pitch, due to his small size, but spoke like a male, a kind of vulgarity that was attributed to the gender. He wore a way-too-big shirt, and similar to Collot, a pair of shorts.
Durham, who slept in the corner bunk, and was currently sitting on the floor, slouched against it, was a coyote, with cinnamon colored fur, and a brown stripe that ran from the tip of his snout, over his head, and down his neck. He mentioned something about wanting to join the school's wrestling team.
Finally a... Hyena? His name was Miguno, he explained how they made an error in placing him here, in the canine dorms, but he chose not to switch, his speech was fairly easygoing, but eloquent, he tied words together in a way that was not too sharp, like Durham and Voss, but not too soft, like Legosi. He had a similar pattern to Durham on his head, with some spots here and there, as well as along his arms, and presumably the rest of him. His upper torso stuck out from the top corner bunk, face in his hands, elbows on the frame.
"My name is Jack, I'm a Golden Labrador retriever, and erm, I'm looking forward to the coming years with you guys." Nervousness crept up his throat, he swallowed it down. He knew nothing more to say, he supposed if he stuck around these animals enough, they'd get to know each other anyway.
Durham pointed at the wolf, who stood slouched to hide himself, despite there being nowhere to hide. "What about you? What's your name?"
Legosi rubbed his arm, and gave a pleading look to Jack, "This is Legosi, the grey wolf, he's my best friend, he's a little shy so it might take a bit before he would wanna talk, but I don't think that's a problem right?" He took the wolf's hand in his own.
The boys nodded, they understood, it was pretty hard for them to come out of their shell too when they got set up a few days ago.
Together, they talked about their schedules, and what they hope their teachers will be like, they talked about their favorite foods, and what they hope they'll serve at the cafeteria. They talked about their home life, their parents, siblings. Their opinions on this and that, they were quite understanding for a group of middle schoolers, in the way that one person could think something different about x and y than someone else would.
Night fell quickly, the time went in what felt like only a few moments. They began to do what would quickly become routine, brushing their teeth, using the bathroom, the boys filed in and out, either changing into something more comfortable, or in Collot and Voss' cases, were already dressed comfortably, and hopped in their bunk. Durham and Miguno fell into their beds, too, exhausted.
Jack and Legosi were the last to exit the dorm's restroom, they dressed up in some comfy pajamas that they brought from home, and were ready to finally rest. It took very little time to determine who got which bunk, Jack was on top, and Legosi got the bottom. The dog stepped up the first couple rungs of the ladder before Legosi reached up and tugged at his sleeve.
"Mh? What's up, Gos?"
"C-can you, uhm, can we sleep together? I don't think I can by myself tonight"
Jack grinned widely, "f'course! Come on up here!" He hopped up the last few, and fell through the curtains, scrambling to get into the 'paint me like one of you french girls' pose, when Legosi came up, he gave a deep timbre of a chuckle, and flicked his forehead, before getting comfortable and shifting closer to the dog. Jack welcomed him with open arms, literally, and brought him into a tight hug.
"Sorry to invade your space.."
"Are you kidding? Anything for you, buddy, you don't have to be sorry."
"It's just.. grandpa sent me here after I talked to him about.. stuff.. and now I'm far from home but," he sniffled, nuzzling closer, "you're the last piece of home I have.. and yet you're all the home I could ask for."
"Gosh don't get all sappy before bedtime," he joked, rubbing his head, "I'll be around as long as you need me."
"Thank you.."
Jack kept petting his head softly, still clinging on with his other hand, he thought about what his dad said before he was sent to Cherryton, 'don't do any faggy stuff with that wolf boy, no son of mine would.' He thought it was malarkey, "fuck you, father," he wished he had the strength to face him that way, so he feigned it now, humored and encouraged himself, "I don't care what you think of him. He needs me and I need him." That's what he thought, that's what he believed, and that's what was true.
Jack listened to Legosi's slowing breathing in his arms, and a loving smile crept it's way onto his lips, he squeezed him, and craned his head down a little to drink in his scent. It took moments for the smell of fog and rain to whisk him away to the inside of his own hibernating mind.
***
Secondary school had started, it was offered at Cherryton, so the boys stayed. As time passed they became more aquatinted with their roommates, forming a kind of friend group. Legosi and Jack were still joined at the hip, if anything changed over time, it was a positive gain. Legosi started feeling fuzzy, though. Whenever he was with Jack, his stomach would be full of butterflies, whenever they'd hug, hold hands, and on occasion cuddle because of the odd particularly upsetting event on occasion, his face would tingle, and burn red. He was faced with the fact that he's either a hormonal teen, or was in love with his best friend, he was pretty sure it was the latter.
Legosi beefed up a bunch in his physique, his appetite tripled, and his musculature strengthened, all since middle school. He was still slender, but tough, sturdy. He hadn't ever really worked out, aside from maybe the occasional visit to B-Strike with his roommates, he didn't even like that he was built like a brick wall. He had great genetics, Voss offered, which he agreed, reluctantly, but as a carnivore, it made him feel a sense of dread, dread that he'd get wary looks in the hallway again, dread that he'd be unapproachable. He was already awkward, adding an automatic fear from others on top of that? And you have a destroyed self-esteem.
Jack only grew a little taller, he was still slim, but not exactly skinny. He had a bit of meat on his bones, whenever he was sitting slouched, he had a little bit of tub on his belly, Legosi always tried to sneak a poke in at it here or there, playfully sticking his tongue out at him.
"Hey, c'mon doofus, let's go," Jack blurted, "I'm hungry, and I'm sure you're itching for an egg sandwich," he elbowed Legosi's side gently, amiably.
The wolf's tail wagged behind him, surely after wagging in Jack's presence every, single, day, it'd've fallen off by now right?
The cafeteria always carried a sort of buzz with it, just noticable, but never loud, at least not too loud. They stood in the carnivore line together, Jack usually always did the talking, but Legosi didn't mind, he liked Jack's voice.
"Hey! You, dog, I've got a question"
Legosi and Jack both turned their heads to the voice, the wolf stood silently, Jack answered. It was a coyote, like Durham, but taller, and without his distinct features. A dirty orange color adorned his fur, and a shit-eating grin was plastered on his face.
"Yes?"
"How does it feel to be less than half the animal that big guy over there is?" He pointed to Legosi
The question pinched a nerve for the dog, but he kept smiling, and instead asked, "what do you mean?"
"Well, I mean, canines like wolves, jackals, and I, we're natural, original, but you, you're artificial, fake. How does it feel knowin' every day that you were made to be a freak wit'a big brain?"
Jack scratched his head, self conscious. Legosi intervened.
"He's going places you never will.." his hushed, grated voice trickled like the wispy smoke from a blown out candle from his mouth, ghastly, the coyote resisted the urge to shiver, "he's not a freak, he's not artificial, no matter what you say. He's an animal, like you and I, and everyone in this room. It doesn't matter if he's not a meathead like you, belligerent and strong, it doesn't matter he's smart, what matters is him."
Legosi's silver pupils bore holes in the coyote, he expected him to agree, not fight for the dog, that wolf gave him the heebie-jeebies
"Why are you defendin' him? You know it's true, he ain't a real carnivore. Look at that thing!"
"Because I know him."
"So what-"
Legosi had enough. He gripped him by the tie, and flipped him over the lunch line's railing the canine falling on his back. He hopped over, following, his footfalls were mute in the already dead silent cafeteria
Legosi's appearance seemed almost ethereal, he leaned down, eyes scanning over the oh-so-tough coyote. He gripped his uniform collar, Legosi didn't fit in with his colorful surroundings.
"If you, or anyone bothers Jack, or any other dog again, hell, bother herbivores too, and I will fucking gut you, do you understand?"
He was shoving at the abbarent wolf, trying to get him to let go, wriggling, Jack looked on, agape, while the others in line either cut to get their lunch, or stayed put to watch.
"H-hey chill! I wasn't even insulting you!"
He let go, standing tall over him, silent, watchful, the bully scampered away, afraid. Afterward, Legosi just retreated to a table, a completely empty one. Slowly, as though hesitant, the usual mess hall ruckus made it's appearance once more.
Jack felt.. protected, cared for. The coyote was playing on his insecurities.. and just like that, Legosi defended him.. although violently he might add. The things the wolf said made him feel embarrassed, but confident, he felt jittery, like he downed two 'five hour energies.' He got his lunch, and started walking over to Legosi, seating himself beside him. The stern, cold expression was replaced by a smile and a little sway of his tail.
Jack leaned into him, resting his head on his protector's big broad shoulder, hugging his arm. "Thank you for that Legosi.. I really don't know what else to say besides thank you.."
Legosi's belly fluttered with butterflies again, he felt around for Jack's hand, taking a hold of it, and humming in response.
"Though.. you didn't have to be so rough with the guy, he didn't even lay a finger on me-"
"He still hurt you, he deserved it, doesn't matter how, you didn't need that prick messing with you"
Jack let go of Legosi's hand and arm, instead opting to give him a full hug, rubbing his increasingly wet eyes on the wolf's arm.
"I really.. really appreciate you Legosi"
Truth is, people had been saying that since he was young, those kinds of insults popped up occasionally, never with Legosi around, though. He's sure they would have also gotten roughed up if he were.. that kind of mindset was the cause of their fight in kindergarten, envy, and peer pressure.
Legosi placed his big, ugly hand on the dog's head and ruffled the fur gently, petting it back down in the stuck up spots. Legosi really does love him, unequivocally, he thought, and he'd have to say it someday, though right now wasn't the time. He hugged him back with a tight squeeze, then letting go to let Jack eat his lunch, he remained silent, the dog, as always, continued to talk to his quiet companion, in between bites, of course, he may be an animal, but he's a polite animal.
Before they knew it, classes were beginning again, just a couple more periods before the end of the day. They had the following period together it was Seaspeak class, which, like with every class, Jack excelled in.
He was nearly fluent in it, more often than not having conversations with their otter teacher in the few minutes before and after class, he never stuck around too long.
While he was giving a lecture, Jack looked over at Legosi's lounging form, taking a nap on the desk. He poked at the wolf's sensitive nose lightly, just to get his attention.
"Hey, hey 'Gosi, Pobobro pokkra bupo," he gave a sly, knowing smirk, his face, beneath the fur, was a little pink, tail gave a quick wag before settling back down.
"I only got 'you' out of that sentence, what did you say?"
"I'll tell you later," he winked, and a scratched the wolf's favorite spot. His tail wagged behind him, what was he saying?
Legosi spent the whole fifty something minutes phasing in and out of consciousness, occasionally jumping when he realized he was sleeping, then being woken up by the golden lab a couple times before the bell finally rang. Next class, then he could go back to his dorm for a phat nap.
Sluggishly, he picked up his backpack, and started shuffling for the door, when he reached the hallway, Jack was waiting for him, he always walked him to his classes, ever since they started attending Cherryton. Though, right now was a bit different. The usually talkative Labrador kept looking up at Legosi's face, then looking down at his feet, almost nervously. He chose not to ask.
Legosi's class was only a short walk, but for Jack it seemed like an eternity, he was contemplative.
"Hey, Legosi? Before you go to class uhm,"
The wolf turned, giving his whole attention,
"L-listen, we need to talk about.. something.. later erm, I just wanted to prepare you so y-you'd uh, take me seriously," Jack stammered, he fussed with his hands before giving Legosi a quick squeeze of a hug, and speeding off to his next class.
Legosi couldn't stop his curiosity, or his poor, negative brain from overflowing with stressful, nerve wracking situations.
'Did Jack figure me out?'
He thought, 'If he did, will he hate me?'
'What if he tells the guys and they all end up hating me!'
'Is he upset by how violent I was earlier?'
'Did I scare him away?'
With his tail stuck between his legs, his anxiety heightened throughout class, his heart raced, and his mind was mush. He squirmed in his seat, sweating, his throat swelled with fear. There was a bubbling coming up from his belly, he practically shambled to the little trash can next to the door, emptied out his stomach, and was sent to the nurse on the spot.
The next couple hours were a blur, the nurse asked him about- something, he doesn't really understand, he answered with nothing more than a far out, confused look. To which the nurse only seemed to grow more worrisome of, this doesn't look like something an ice pack would fix.
She tried to get his attention, snapping her fingers, talking directly to him, but his eyes never stayed focused on her, or anything, for more than a few seconds. Either he's hyper, or anxious, the oryx nurse concluded.
She held his hand and took on a quieter tone, advising that he relax, name items that catch your attention in the room, stay calm. Focus on the filling of your lungs and how they feel, the smells, the taste of your mouth. Smile hard to push back the vomit, lie down, stay still.
He was in the ward past the time of his classes, Jack waited nervously in the dorm, resting in his bunk, looking though photos he took of himself and Legosi not too long ago, hoping to build up some bravery within himself before his cowardice got the best of him again. He had to tell him, now or never, his feelings were consuming him as time went on. The more he tried to squash them beneath his feet, the stronger they came back.
He's so tired of looking at his pretty face, of having to tear his eyes away from the subtly shifting muscles in his body as he moved about, that handsome, seldom shown smile that made Jack see stars. And just.. him, everything about him was perfect to Jack.
He called him, maybe a few two many times, when night fell and the curfew set in, he was never one to miss his favorite thing, sleeping. He didn't have drama club today either, had something happened to him? Was he getting into trouble?
A text came up on his phone roughly an hour after his third call,
[Sorry I'm out late, I went to the nurse's ward, omw to the dorms]
***
"Are you alright? Y-you had me worried!"
"Yeah buddy, I'm okay"
"What happened?"
"Well, first, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Oh.. th-that? We could wait, I-I wanna know what happened with you first"
Jack stood only one and a half feet from the wolf, rubbing his arm nervously, looking anywhere but the one thing he wanted to, careful not to bare his soul to Legosi.
Legosi only shook his head, quietly speaking his next words, "I've been fussing over it since you told me, I want to hear it."
Jack looked behind him at their roommates, Collot was currently arm wrestling both Durham and Miguno, each with different arms, the Lab rolled his eyes with a grin, they were occupied.
"Okay okay uhm, I've uhm, for a long time I-" he choked up, the words coming to a screeching halt on his tongue with a constricting grip, his heart climbing up after it, beating in his throat. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths.
Legosi took Jack's forearms and gently tugged him closer, his awkward, low voice lifted him from his stupor.
"Hey.. it's important to you, right? Then it's important to me.. you're important to me, just, uh-uhm, take your time, I'm not going anywhere, whatever it is, I won't be upset"
Jack was trying hard to cough up the words, but they clawed their way back into his mouth again, leaving his mouth dry and sticky. The walls of the short hall seemed to bend and shift inward, encompassing him, he felt claustrophobic.
Legosi's ears were still at attention, he placed his hands on Jack's cheeks, rubbing them with a ghostly-soft touch with his thumb, making them lock eyes, his own sparkled with concern, Jack's were cloudy, somewhere else.
He was locked up in his own mind, prisoner to his doubts and fears, insecurities and pressures. His palace mind shut every door, closed off every facet, nothing goes in, and nothing comes out, they'd beat the rationality out of him, replaced by stress and panic.
"Ow, shit, Collie!" Durham's muffled shout echoed to them from the main room, followed by giggles.
They paid each other no mind, the group was still screwing around, and Jack was trying to get through an internal crisis at their front door.
Legosi bumped his nose against the dog's, he was trying to get Jack's attention, and his daze cleared, little by little, the jail cell in his head grew brighter, blinding white seeping through a little window in a wall that stretched open wide, like the opening of a balloon enough for Jack to finally escape through.
There was relief on his tongue for just a moment, his words no longer tied his tongue in knots, no longer struggled to stay in the warmth of his mouth, no longer tore their claws through the muscle, and instead, came just as easily as breathing.
"I love you Legosi, I have for years"
The overbearing pressure on his lungs let up for just a moment, as his face turned from one of fear, to one of absolute content. It couldn't be taken back, no matter what. So, whatever happens now, at least he got the words out, no regrets.
"You know, if I didn't literally just vomit, I'd kiss you right now."
"You.. what?"
"I've loved you for so, so long, I kind of lost track of how long though," he let go of Jack's arms, opting to take his signature 'socially anxious' stance
The dog just kinda.. stood there, the gears in the walls of his palace got clogged somehow, he was trying hard to process that.
"You.. can you repeat that.. please?"
"I said I loved you, love you, like, present tense"
Jack blinked
Legosi started to sweat a little
"That's why I went to the nurse's cause I thought that you wanted to talk cause you figured out that I had a crush on you so I got nervous that you wanted to like get some space away from me because your dad planted that homophobia in your head or something and- and- or- uhm- that you were scared of me now because of how violent I was with that- the bully. And that- you were gonna like- tell everyone else that I'm mean and scary and maybe a little gay and I- I-"
The panic came back
With a motor mouth
Following that, was the bubbling coming up from his stomach
They'd have to get back to this later
***
After a couple, 'you alright big dog?'s and a 'the fuck happened?' Legosi got his composure back, and assured the others he was fine. Things were quiet between Jack and himself, not a cold or awkward quiet, but nervous, Jack wasn't done yet in pouring himself out.
***
"Sooooo-" he started
"That's why you went to the nurse?"
Legosi nodded
"Had I known you were going to panic about it I wouldn't have told you beforehand, I just wanted you to take me seriously."
"Well, I mean, when you're looking all jittery like that, it scares me cause assumed something's wrong."
They'd been talking stuff out, after the lights out for their dorm, they'd all done their nightly routine, they were sitting in Jack's bunk, with the curtains closed, even with as little light as there was, Legosi had the carnivore night vision advantage. Jack, on some level could see, but not to the extent of, say, a wolf, lion, or owl.
"Well.. I just really wanted to get this.. out of my head, thought it would hurt less than keeping it to myself for as long as I did. I'm sorry for being so selfish, Legosi."
"Well.. did it work?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, how do you feel, now that you got it out to me?"
"Mmh," he hummed in thought, "lighter, definitely better since you're still here, and haven't left me yet"
"Didn't I already tell you I love you, too? Why would you think I'd leave?"
Jack looked off to the side a little, not wanting to be seen in his embarrassment, his shame.
"Well.. honestly I really just.. can't really believe it. Are you just saying it to spare my feelings? I thought you'd be disgusted and- and- maybe you are, but you just don't want to see me sad- well- I won't be if you j-just want to confess that you d-don't like me like that"
Legosi instead leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jack's, it was like a jolt of electricity bounced through his nerves, zigzagging off the walls and striking his heart like lighting. The warmth of his mouth was akin to magma, his face burned. Despite the heat, he was frozen, unknowing of what to do. The taste of minty, school issued toothpaste on his breath flooded into his mouth.
When he finally pulled away, he was playing with his hands, ears and eyes low.
"D-did you like it?"
Jack wasted no time pouncing forward, peppering his face in kisses, finishing it with a long kiss on the lips.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that"
"Likewise"
He punctuated his words with another kiss on Jack's nose.
"This is gonna take some getting used to, I, erm, never thought I'd get this far."
"Well, we can take it slow.. for right now though," he nuzzled his face into the crook of Legosi's neck, "it's been time for bed for awhile now, you ready to sleep?"
"After vomiting twice, and spending all my mental energy recovering from panic attacks? Definitely"
"Well then, goodnight Legosi, sweet dreams"
"Goodnight Jack," he hugged him tighter, craning his neck so his nose could reach Jack's head fur, to breathe in his scent. "I love you"
"I love you too"
And they did, truthfully, and would, until death.