Chapter Text
" When lucky Jupiter moves into Pisces for four months on December 28, a budding romance could turn into something much more! See! It's the perfect time! Also, Your creativity and talents might also draw the spotlight, so make sure you’re camera-ready as the calendar turns …"
Yuta stops listening after that and wonders, not for the first time, and definitely not for the last, why he came to Jungwoo, out of everyone, to pour his heart and soul. With all his love for the younger, he used to have self-respect.
The thing is, he knows why: all of his first choices were all too involved for him to actually feel comfortable enough to approach them.
For instance, the person he would usually tell all of his secrets to, reached out for when he was sad, missed home, or was feeling insecure, was the last person he wanted to see for this specific matter.
He had tried imagining how this conversation would go, "Oh, hey Tae, by the way, I've had the biggest crush on you since rookie days, kept growing and all that jazz, now I can one-hundred-percent assure you I'm totally head over heels for you… So, hm, about that, should I confess or would that ruin our friendship?"
For obvious reasons, that wasn't the best choice.
Five years was a pretty long time to wonder if one should confess or not. At first, Yuta gave himself the excuse that his affections would certainly go away, then, after a while, as it didn't actually go anywhere, that it would change the dynamic of the group, and that should be avoided at all cost.
Jungwoo, when Yuta had told him exactly that, had called him a coward.
Yuta was perfectly okay being called a coward if that meant he could keep Taeyong by his side. Taeyong probably had a lot more to care about than romance and relationships, as he was the leader of a twenty-three members boys band, busying himself with work to the point of damaging his health. Not a good thing in everyone-but-Taeyong's opinion, but it proved Yuta's point: Taeyong didn't have time for romance, and even less for romance that could put in peril their whole work.
That thought had helped Yuta through a lot of rough nights and made his overflowing love more bearable.
Or at least, he had thought so, until Ten came along.
Not that Ten suddenly appeared in their lives, thank you very much. Ten and Yuta had even bonded together before they ever bonded with Taeyong because they were the only two in the whole SM trainees who didn't have anyone to speak in their native language with. At least Ten had English. He had Johnny Suh and Mark Lee, to communicate with. At the time, Yuta didn't have anyone.
But it was nice to be together during Korean lessons, facing the same problems, the same language barrier with the rest of the world. They used to go eat together, just the two of them, or go shopping, and try so hard to communicate with the locals. Communicate with each other. They developed their own language together, which was more grimacing to each other than real language.
So, yeah, in a sense, it was more Taeyong that came between them to change their dynamic. Not that their dynamic changed with Taeyong: as soon as they started understanding other people, and getting more in tune with the rest of the trainees, everything had been different.
But Taeyong changed it the most. Obviously. Because he was nice and pretty, and the perfect trainee , as some loved to call him, and neither Ten nor Yuta were indifferent to him.
The thing was, during trainee days, it was so easy to ignore the feelings because everyone was young, innocent, and too afraid at the prospect of not becoming idols. They worked hard, and a crush was never more than a crush.
Then NCT was formed, and from one big unit of rookies, they became a multitude of groups. Taeyong and Ten debuted with NCT U, and The 7th Sense, Taeyong and Yuta debuted with NCT 127, Ten was left in "SM basement" for two years, then WayV was formed, and everything became one big mess.
At least, in Yuta's desperate mind, it became one.
Because before there was WayV, there was NCT 2018, and during NCT 2018, there was Baby Don't Stop .
And, yeah, Yuta wasn't blind. He had always been somewhat aware of the peculiar relationship between Taeyong and Ten, but this one song? Yeah, it had tenfolded their relationship to a new level.
Yuta was actually curious as to why they didn't become an item at that time. He never questioned it, because he was actually afraid of the answer, just content that nothing in his life had changed. And yeah, he was feeling like a jerk when Ten became a constant part of WayV and spent so much less time with them.
"Sucks to be you", had been his answer to Ten, when the poor Thai had complained about being away from his best friends.
Ten had answered with a crying emoji.
Yuta had reminded him that at least he had Sicheng with him.
Ten had answered with a kissing emoji.
And that's how his life without neither a rival nor a best friend had started. And actually changed nothing for him. Because Taeyong was still the prettiest, gentlest person in the world, and Yuta was still a coward.
And between NCT 2020 and SuperM, Yuta was painfully aware that Ten might not be in their group anymore, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be able to make Taeyong fall for him — if Taeyong wasn't already in love with the Thai.
And the thing was, he may be jealous, and sad, and heartbroken, but Yuta was actually happy for them because Taeyong and Ten were both dear friends that made each other happy and were actually perfect for each other.
And who was Yuta to come between them?
That's when he decided to go and talk to Jungwoo.
Not to Johnny, not to Mark.
He loved them both dearly, but he was also painfully aware of how both of them would react.
Yuta wasn't enough of an asshole to wonder which one was their favorite between Taeyong and himself and if they would ever betray his trust. They wouldn't. Not intentionally, at least. But he could see with utter clarity how they would react if he was to tell them about it.
Johnny would spend his time making the most supposed-to-be-subtle-but-were-actually-everything-but-that comments at every given time, with eyebrows raised and all that jazz. And Mark would have tried so hard to not say a thing and not change his behavior, all of that while trying to change everything because he wanted to do the greater good and couldn't bear to see his hyung hurt. Yuta could clearly see Mark spill everything involuntarily.
Yuta would probably have unalived them before doing anything about his crush.
"You're such a Scorpio."
So, yeah. Yuta had told everything to Jungwoo instead, because they actually became quite close during the last year, and Yuta was fond of his junior. Hence the astrology-related remarks, because Jungwoo was into it.
"I can't believe you would let Ten steal your man like this!"
"Taeyong isn't anyone's man."
"Yet."
Yuta knows hate. He's acutely aware of what the feeling is like. He tries every day to be a better person, and he would never hate for no reason. Still, he's human, he has feelings, and sometimes there are negative feelings towards others. He hated one of his classmates in middle school for bullying girls, hated that one dance teacher for always pushing them past their limits and never caring for their bodies. He hates sasaengs too, and the staff that overworks Taeyong and Mark, while not giving Johnny or Sicheng enough screen time, enough lines.
Right at the moment — as he is training with other NCT members, and should be focusing only on his dance, and on the fact that he's always a bit late on that one part of the choreography, and too on the left at the end of it — he feels that same exact feeling.
He can't exactly pinpoint what he's mad about. There is nothing to be mad about. He's watching as Ten, Taeyong, Johnny and Mark are not being that serious either: talking, laughing, and simply goofing around, enjoying one of their first practice together for a really long time.
Yuta should be enjoying it too. Instead, he's boiling with anger, unable to decide if he's mad at the proximity between Taeyong and Ten — Ten's hand hasn't left Taeyong's waist for the last fifteen minutes— or if he's simply mad at himself for never pulling up the courage to ask Taeyong out, and actually be the one allowed to put his hands on Taeyong's waist.
Both reasons are stupid, and he doesn't like either one bit. He hates the anger, but it's lingering on him like a second skin. He's tired, stressed, wants to do well for this comeback for multiple reasons, and he misses his family.
This is a bad excuse for a bad reaction, but that's all he has to explain his behavior.
As Taeyong calls for a break, Yuta decides he does need a break. From them.
He goes away from the stuffed room, to get himself some well-deserved fresh air.
He's so in his head that he doesn't notice that he's being followed. He's on the roof, watching the view and filling his lungs up with air when he hears a deep voice behind him.
"Yuta?"
Yuta is startled for a moment. He doesn't dare to move toward the other person, hoping the voice was an illusion from his delirious mind. Yeah, it must be because —
"Is everything alright?"
This time Yuta turns. The sight in front of him is exactly what he expected, but it doesn't make it easier. Taeyong looks heartbroken, big eyes looking directly at his best friend, full of sadness. He's obviously worried about Yuta, who was never good at hiding his feelings from anyone.
He tries, though. Because they're stupid and petty, because Taeyong would never allow Yuta to be mad at anyone's relationship, even less his own, would never allow Yuta to be mad at Ten, and would never allow Yuta to be mad at Yuta.
Also, Yuta is whipped for this boy, his leader and best friend, the softest, toughest person he ever came across. He doesn't want to see Taeyong sad, doesn't want to see him sad, especially not because of him, because he's incapable of keeping his feelings in check.
So he smiles, the biggest smile he can muster, and he lies, you know, like a liar.
"Of course," he says, "why would something be wrong?"
Taeyong raises an eyebrow, and his posture stiffens. He sees right into Yuta's lie. The Japanese doesn't bulge.
"I promise. I'm fine, everything is fine. I'm just a little tired."
Taeyong doesn't seem too convinced. His lips are forming a pout, and it's not really the moment but he's really cute like this. It makes Yuta's heart stirrup in joy. He's selfishly happy right now, being the center of Taeyong attention, he can just open his arms and Taeyong will come right into it.
Into each other arms, like this, it feels like they are perfect for each other. They're approximately the same height, which means that Yuta can have his arms around Taeyong's waist and his head on his shoulder, without it feeling uncomfortable. He can also hear Taeyong's sigh of contentment against his ear and Yuta feels warm inside.
He doesn't want to leave. Doesn't want to let Taeyong go.