Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Sara remembered how her Almighty Shogun would sweep past her while on her knees; an afterthought.

She remembered uttering an apology for an inadequate mission, only to look up and see boredom.

She remembered wondering to herself, ‘ Did the Raiden Shogun care at all? ’ before punishing herself for doubting Her Almighty.

Although Sara continued to serve, due diligence in hand and bow, her devotion saw cracks form at its foundation.

Did her Raiden Shogun feel compassion?

Did it matter?

Sara argued it didn’t. Any doubts from her men were quickly hushed as blasphemy.

Was the Vision Hunt Decree fair ?, they would ask, as visibly torn on the outside as Sara started feeling on the inside. The feelings behind the order didn’t matter, only that it was carried out. Sara held steadfast in her loyalty, and her conviction steeled her men for the somber task ahead.

As Sara took more and more Visions by force, doubt fought through her defenses as civilians fought to keep what was theirs .

Did Sara have the right to take anyone else’s Vision, a gift from a god? It was not her will, she argued.

Would Sara have done the same if she weren’t such a lapdog ?

…She didn’t dare think about it.

As Sara knelt before her Shogun, greyed-out Visions before her, she felt an odd sense of pride; she had finished the most difficult task she had been ordered to complete. She overcame her doubts, her weakness, to please her Shogun.

The same Shogun that whisked past her without a word, leaving her on her knees.

She wouldn’t admit it, but she felt something rather unsavory; guilt rose up in her gut with the same intensity as anger. How dare she not acknowledge Sara’s hard work?

“A-Almighty Shogun,” Sara said, cursing herself for her voice crack. She stayed put, head bowed.

Footsteps clicked behind her.

“Dismissed.”

Sara looked up. That was it? No acknowledgement for her troubles, no respect given for her loyalty? Who was more loyal to her Shogun than Sara ?

Raiden Shogun circled Sara and stopped in front of her. Her voice was cold and impassive.

“What? Did you expect a reward for carrying out your duty?”

Sara flinched.

“Is it not enough for you that you remain at my right-hand as my most trusted general? Do you require accolades beyond that for the bare minimum of your job ?”

Her words were biting, curt. Sara looked up to see her cross her arms.

“ Well , General?”

It was a tone Sara had grown up hearing; she hated to hear it also come from the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. Sara grimaced. Why was she so weak? Why couldn’t she follow simple orders with utmost confidence in her Shogun?

“That will not be necessary, my Shogun. I apologize,” Sara whispered, her cheeks hot with shame.

A pause. “ Your Shogun?”

The room started to fall away, revealing only darkness. Sara felt her heart hammer in her throat. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. Did that sound like a confession? Oh, oh no, was it obvious? No, no, no, no! Stupid! Stupid Sara!

“Did I hear you correctly?” The blade of the polearm lifted Sara’s chin. Their eyes met; the Shogun’s burned with fury. “Did I hear you presume any sort of ownership over me?” The blade pressed against Sara’s neck. “ Did I? ” she thundered.

“Not at all!” Sara cried out.

“So, I was mistaken?” The polearm retracted as the Raiden Shogun walked away. Sara didn’t dare touch her neck; frozen in place from fear. She averted her eyes. It was a stupid slip-up; a mark of her worthlessness in the face of the only person who gave her life meaning. How could she ever dream the Shogun would be hers ?
…

But Sara did dream that very thing. Day after day, night after night; the thinly veiled hope kept her going on long missions. She could never admit it to anyone. The disrespect against her Shogun…! She couldn’t bear the thought.

Sara straightened up. “It was a slip of the tongue. I fully accept whatever punishment you deem is necessary.” Another bow.

The Raiden Shogun turned around. She considered Sara’s words. “See to it that such carelessness never happens again. And, one more thing.”

Mortified, Sara watched as her Shogun ran full tilt at her.

“ I will never be yours, Kujou Sara .”

She jumped and her polearm sliced down.

Sara screamed.

The arms that encircled her squeezed tighter.

“N-nnghh… no, no …!” Sara muttered, as she writhed. “ Ei…”

“I’m here, little bird,” Ei cooed, knowing she wasn’t heard. She frowned, feeling fresh tears on her lap. It was another nightmare, no doubt. Sara had been having them just about every night; nothing seemed to help.

Sara’s feeble grip around Ei’s arm tightened. It hurt Ei to see Sara so tormented. And it wasn’t as if placing the blame on some punishable nobody was the solution; the only one making Sara so miserable was Sara . Ei could never hurt her, and never wanted to.

How could she ease Sara’s torment? Ei spared a glance towards the kitchens; food always cheered her up, but subjecting Sara to more of Ei’s cooking was exactly the punishment Ei was trying to avoid.

Sara awoke with a sniffle, snapping EI out of her Shogunly thoughts. Without hesitation, Ei leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Sara’s slick forehead.

“Good morning, my love,” Ei announced with a smile.

“Whuh…?” Sara groaned, overcome by exhaustion. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in too long. Opening her eyes revealed the same gorgeous woman that just struck her down! Was it a trap?!

“No, no!” Sara yelled, scrambling backwards. Ei let her and dropped her arms back in her empty lap. She had learned the hard way that trying to restrain Sara when she panicked only led to more. No, Ei needed Sara to feel in control.

She would be as patient with Sara as was needed. They had all the time in the world to move through their deep-seeded issues - together.

Back against the wall, Sara stared, bug-eyed. Across from her sat Ei, her Shogun , sitting as serene as was normal, not a hair out of place.

“Sara,” Ei started, voice soft. “Same dream?”

That worked; Sara snapped back to reality. This Ei wasn’t hellbent on destroying her for being a disrespectful general. A traitor unable to trust the very person who held the reigns to her heart and soul. A worthless waste of space.

Soon enough, Sara started to cry again. She shielded her face out of shame. Who was she to demand Ei’s time, much less her heart ? What kind of horrible person was she to ask such a thing? Ei deserved someone better, someone--

“Sara,” Ei whispered, unable to keep the deepening frown off of her face. “Please, let me hold you.”

Sara looked up, fearful. Ei’s heart broke. It would not do for her love to be scared of her. How could she regain the trust Sara couldn’t allow herself to feel?

With a long, hopeful, searching look that Ei felt into her soul, Sara hid her head in her arms, propped up by her knees.

“Sara--”

“I’m sorry.”

Ei had made to crawl towards Sara, to help her bring down the walls she erected around herself, but the broken voice she heard stopped her.

“What?” Ei asked, dread circling in her gut.

“I’m sorry I can’t be someone stronger,” Sara said, words wet with despair.

Someone stronger? To Ei, that didn’t make sense. For all Sara went through, she was a warrior through and through, even without the military training. Ei felt safe when Sara was around; she felt unstoppable with such an open-minded, stalwart soul beside her. Sara reminded her to consider finding eternity in other ways than in stasis. And while Sara was still shy around Ei, she pushed past it to talk to Ei - like an equal.

“No, Sara. No no no.” Ei crawled towards Sara. “I don’t see you as someone weak.” She placed a tentative hand on Sara’s arm, feeling how it trembled under her touch. “Sara…”

“I’m no good, I’m only meant to be a disappointment.”

Ei brushed away tears as they fell over Sara’s cheeks. The way Sara’s jaw clenched, the hardness of her stare into nothingness - it scared Ei. Would she do something rash? Would she blame herself for her own perceived weaknesses and abandon Ei?

Would Ei have to fight through the war of loneliness once more?

“Nonsense,” Ei said, steeling herself. She had to hold back her emotion - Sara needed her. “I don’t know how much value I bring to our universe, but I know I feel like I could change it for the better when I’m with you.”

Sara’s hardened expression started to collapse.

“You remind me of the immense joy there is to be had out here. If I stayed in the Plane of Euthymia, I never would have had the opportunity to thoroughly be introduced to someone so…” Ei paused, then cleared her throat. “...Breathtaking.”

Sara’s jaw trembled.

Ei kissed her cheek, cupping the other one to help stabilize it. “When I’m with you, I don’t worry about what could be. I find myself firmly planted on the ground in the now . And I feel the privilege it is to spend ‘the now’ with you , Sara.”

A sob escaped Sara’s lips. She turned toward Ei and hugged her, burying her face into the crook of Ei’s neck.

“Oh, my Sara,” Ei said, running her fingers through Sara’s hair, “We will find a way to conquer this difficult path, and we will do it together .” She leaned into Sara’s shaking body and hummed a lilting, soothing melody.

They stayed like that all morning.