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Iruka stared at his file. There was a reason shinobi were not allowed access to their own information. The urge to tamper with it was the biggest worry. And while Iruka definitely had the urge to tamper with some of his record (namely by destroying the images the Sandime had taken of poorly executed pranks that left him a rainbow of colors), there was one other thing that had him frozen in place. A simple box checked on the bottom of a page regarding his academy graduation.
Would you recommend for ANBU?
The question wasn't alarming. Iruka himself had to mark it off every year when his students graduated. ANBU, yes or no? It did not guarantee anything, but it did help jonin senseis and recruitment officials know who to look into. Shikamaru, for instance, was a yes, while Naruto had been a no.
But Iruka never in a thousand years had expected that box to be checked, yes, beneath his name.
He hadn't even meant to see his file. It just happened to be misfiled while he was organizing the records room like someone had stashed it in a hurry, and then when he tossed it on the pile to refile, it fell and then he started going through it and the next thing he knew- he had taken it home.
Now it sat on his kitchen table amongst two dozen partially graded essays. Colorful images and a stupid checked box mocking him.
"I am so sorry I am late,"
Iruka jumped. Physically jumped in a way he hadn't since he was a punk genin. He scrambled for the table as Kakashi climbed in from the balcony, going on about some sort of fishing excursion at the river gone wrong when what he thought was a log turned out to be an alligator. Iruka was too panicked to be annoyed at anything other than the other man's horrible timing and insistence and using anything except the front door
"what are you doing?" Kakashi paused and looked at his boyfriend like he had five heads.
"Nothing." Iruka was currently sprawled out on top of the table facing Kakashi while clearly hiding something beneath him.
"oh?" Kakashi bent down and picked up a photo of Iruka in purple bunny ears from a truly horrible mistake from Iruka's youth.
"you wouldn't, by chance, be hiding your personnel file beneath you would you?"
"no?" Iruka was starting to sweat. his limbs were going numb.
"no? then what is behind you? where did this," Kakashi showed Iruka the photo, "come from?"
Iruka stared at his grumpy genin self and felt his face start to flush, "the-the library?" his voice cracked.
"The library," Kakashi said so deadpan that Iruka sighed.
"fine. you caught me. I didn't mean to take it. honest. it was misfiled."
"How does it being misfiled lead to you having it on your kitchen table?"
"I don't even know."
"Iruka,"
"I don't! I got sucked into it!" Iruka took the photograph still staring at him and started to shove papers back into the folder, "Look I am putting it away! there! away!"
"you know it's nothing to be ashamed of, most shinobi look at their file at some point or another."
"Well, I don't! It's against policy. I shouldn't have taken it and I should have just refilled it the minute I found it!"
"You've never seen your file?"
"No, never."
"Hmm."
"Why?"
"No reason." Kakashi put his hands in his pockets, "do you want some tea?"
"Hatake Kakashi, what do you know that I don't?" Iruka followed Kakashi as he rummaged through cabinets and started boiling water for tea.
"Nothing. you should go and return that before someone finds it missing."
"No one is going to find it missing. I don't even know how long it has been misplaced. probably since Hiruzen."
"Ehhh, maybe not that long," Kakashi said from where he had started to reorganize the pots and pans.
"Kakashi."
"Fine." he sighed, "I am the one that misplaced it."
"What were you doing with my personnel file?"
"I may have been looking for your birthday."
"My birthday?"
"And I may have also wanted to check to see if you were the one who covered me head to toe in peanut butter when I was on patrol back when I was in ANBU."
"Oh no," Iruka hid his face in his hands. He remembered that prank. He loved that prank.
"If it makes you feel any better, I am the reason you were never recruited into ANBU?" Kakashi asked unsure if he should keep talking.
"Because of the peanut butter?"
"Because of the peanut butter. I was pissed and told the head of ANBU at the time, who happened to be your Jounin sensei, not to. I didn't think you would be able to handle the stress."
"You're right. I probably couldn't have." Iruka sat down dumbstruck, whispering to himself, "If I hadn't been such a punk I could've been in ANBU."
"I mean. You wouldn't have had the opportunity to become a teacher at the academy if you had. And odds are high that you would've died fairly quickly."
Iruka gave a half-laugh.
"It was a good prank," Kakashi said as he came over and crouched down beside Iruka.
"It was. It was my best one. Right before putting bread in my sensei's pockets for three months straight. He was followed around by birds and squirrels and thought he was going crazy."
Iruka took his hands away from his face and looked at Kakashi who was staring at him with admiration. Iruka couldn't help the flush from forming as Kakashi said, "you know I love you right?"
Iruka grinned and took Kakashi's hands, "despite the peanut butter?"
"Ma, I deserved it."
Iruka cracked a grin then, "Alright. Let go and return this and then we can go get dinner."
Kakashi kissed Iruka's cheek.
They got ready to go, leaving by the front door. As Iruka set his wards there was one thing still bothering him, "Kakashi, alligators aren't native to the Land of Fire."
Kakashi's eyes went wide as Iruka turned to lecture him, body flickering away before Iruka could get out more than a few syllables.
No, Kakashi didn't want Iruka in ANBU.
That would have made Iruka far too scary.