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When Maya finally walks into that small restaurant, a little late from their set time, Claudine's attention is dragged instantly from where she sat with their other old friends. Maya looked a little more mature than the last time they saw each other three years ago, and her hair wasn't adorned by that ribbon and those hairpins she always wore back then. But these were the only differences; her aura, her elegance, and her presence were still the same.
A presence that always got her attention, no matter what.
She walks closer to the table everyone sat by and apologizes politely for her lateness, which is replied with excited greetings from everyone and cries from Karen claiming she missed her so much. Futaba opens space with her chair for Maya to sit, coincidentally—or maybe not so much—across from where Claudine was. And the half-French woman waits until everyone finishes interacting with her to have her full attention, which doesn't take long to happen.
"It's been quite a while, Saijou-san. Welcome back to Japan," she says in her usual formal tone, but with a soft smile on her lips.
"Merci. I quite missed it here," Claudine smiles softly in return. "What have you been up to? It's not like you to be late, much less to such a rare gathering with the nine of us."
"The audition I participated in today finished a little late, but I ran here as soon as I was free. I wouldn't miss seeing everyone together, especially since you were finally able to come to visit us."
"Kuro-han is always so busy in France, I bet she's almost forgetting about us," Kaoruko teases.
"Of course I wouldn't," Claudine retorts. "Besides, you all wouldn't let me even if I tried; you never shut up in our group chat."
"It makes me so happy that we still talk so much there!" Nana says excitedly.
"Everyone is always sharing their accomplishments and asking for advice, it's really nice," Mahiru concludes. “The distance didn’t break us apart at all.”
"That's when you all aren’t sharing bad jokes and cursed memes," Claudine says with a sigh. "I'm looking at you, Hikari-chan."
"I'm only sharing stuff Karen would like," she says with her usual monotonous tone. “My friends in England don’t understand my humor…”
“I wonder why,” Claudine frowns.
"Some of them are funny, though," Futaba sides with Hikari, chuckling. "It surprises me to see Tendou sending memes as well."
"I have a sense of humor," Maya says softly.
"A terrible sense of humor, by the way. I guess I was the only one to see that side of you back in school," Claudine says with a sigh again.
"I saw it too! Maya-chan is really playful," Nana adds.
The conversation shifts to some life updates from the girls as they all decide to order their meals and drinks. Most of them don't hesitate in ordering alcohol, just having turned the age allowed to drink and deciding to enjoy the moment. Maya and Claudine follow the others, the half-French with beer and Maya with sake.
"I wonder how good Tendou Maya is at handling alcohol," Claudine says, already sipping on her beer.
"I actually hardly have time to drink, so I don't force myself too much," Maya says calmly. "What about you, Saijou-san?"
"Hm, in France I can drink since I was 18, so I have had many opportunities so far. I can proudly affirm that I handle alcohol pretty well."
"Kuro-chan is the most mature among us!" Karen says with her eyes shining as she hears the exchange, holding her beer in her hands.
“Karen, in England I could drink too,” Hikari says, making her friend shocked. “You too, right Nana?”
“Yup! But I went out for drinks only a couple of times there,” Nana explains.
“I can also drink in New York as well, even though I avoid it,” Junna fixes her glasses as she says, accompanied by a soda bottle. "From all of us, I'm only concerned about Karen drinking, to be honest."
“I’m glad she doesn’t think much about drinking,” Mahiru soothes, also opting to drink soda. “I’d be concerned as well.”
"You must miss taking care of your Karen-chan all the time," Kaoruko teases, making Mahiru blush.
“A-Ah, I’m always so busy, we’re all so busy in our new lives. Right, Isurugi-san and Tendou-san?” Mahiru asks for support, hoping to change the subject.
“Our schedule is quite hectic at the New National Troupe. But Isurugi-san always finds time to answer Hanayagi-san’s calls during the day,” Maya says, managing to save Mahiru but placing the spotlight on Kaoruko instead.
“Yeah, she does call me all the time, sometimes I wonder how she is surviving alone…” Futaba teases, earning a glare from Kaoruko.
“I’m doing perfectly fine, alright?” Kaoruko cries with her face burning.
As the conversation continues between teasing and life updates from each of them, Claudine turns her attention back to Maya, who slowly sips from her sake. Her natural makeup highlighted her eyes and her delicate earrings adorned her face just as if made for her. She doesn’t remember seeing her wearing accessories much when they were teenagers, and so her gaze falls to her long fingers holding her cup, with only a single ring adorning her thumb, and the delicate watch on her left wrist.
“Are you updating your mental image of me?” Maya teases, noticing the intense gaze over her.
“No,” Claudine blinks a few times and brings her attention back to her beer. “Just noticing your accessories. You didn’t wear them back then.”
“Oh. I guess I didn’t,” she lifts her eyes to meet Claudine’s. “You also didn’t wear eyeliner like that. It suits you.”
“Uh, merci,” Claudine bites her lip before finishing the beer in her cup, trying not to think about how long she took to make that perfect winged eyeliner for tonight.
As soon as Claudine finishes the beer, she orders sake for a change and their meals finally arrive at their table. They eat as they still talk, louder and louder as the alcohol hits each one of their systems and they get more relaxed with each other again, just as if they weren’t separated for that long.
Junna is the first one to notice it was getting late and suggest to Nana they should be going. They promise to meet again while Claudine is still in Japan before they leave, and slowly the others start deciding to head home as well.
Claudine decides she'd leave when Maya does, but the brunette doesn't take an initiative on that. And soon they're both bidding goodbyes to the last friends left, Kaoruko and Futaba, and ending alone.
"Well, I guess it's just the two of us left now," Claudine says with a shrug.
"Indeed. Being just the two of us brings back memories," Maya says calmly.
"Oui. We used to spend so much time together," Claudine places her arms over the table, relaxing.
"I quite miss that," Maya says honestly, and the blonde has to control a blush from spreading on her cheeks.
"Um, yeah," she says nervously. "I miss it too."
A short and awkward silence follows, with both just looking at each other.
"Aren't you busy tomorrow?" Claudine decides to ask.
"Luckily, tomorrow is my free day."
"Oh, I see. Then, do you want to drink some more?"
"I believe I can handle more, so why not?"
With that, they order more beer. As they drink, they update each other about their most recent works—Claudine speaks proudly about being chosen as the main character for Theater du Flamme’s next play, and Maya also speaks about her last audition and how hard she was working to keep up with Mahiru and Futaba. And their conversation soon drifts into the recent plays and movies they watched, growing as naturally as it did when they saw each other daily.
They shared similar tastes and insights and were always interested in hearing each other’s opinions about everything. As much as they still often texted each other, it wasn’t the same from talking face to face, especially with how busy they were the entire time.
After a huge glass of beer, Maya realizes it’s enough for her, and both decide to finally leave. As they head outside, the chill air from the night makes Claudine hug her own arms, her drunkenness not managing to warm her enough—and she has been weak to the lower temperatures since she was young. Her tight jeans pants and her thin puff-sleeved bronze-colored blouse weren’t the best choices for this time of the year, with the autumn air already getting too cold once night falls.
Maya, however, doesn’t seem that fazed with the cold, even though she’s wearing a knee-length sleeveless flint-colored dress with just a thin mauve cardigan protecting her arms. Claudine wonders for a split second if it would be alright to step closer to her so they could share warmth, something they casually did when they were younger. But Maya turns her head to her then, and she feels caught in her ideas.
"Do you live nearby?" Claudine decides to ask, distracting herself from her previous thoughts.
"Yes, just a couple of blocks away. Is your hotel close?"
"I need to call a cab," Claudine says as she eyes around, a better idea coming to her mind. "But I wouldn't mind you inviting me to your place. I'm curious to see where Tendou Maya lives."
"Oh, is that so?" Maya chuckles. "Then come with me. Unfortunately, I don't have a guest room, though."
"Don't worry, the couch is fine for me."
"I'll make it as comfortable as possible."
The walk to Maya’s apartment doesn’t take longer than 10 minutes. Claudine excuses herself before coming in and takes her shoes off before eyeing around the tidy living room for a couple of seconds, taking in as much as her drunken self allowed her to. She chuckles at the sight of some bird decorations over the middle table and the swan-themed curtains that hide a small balcony, details that were very much like the other woman. Aside from these, everything is decorated with a minimalist design, with tones of white and gray.
“You may feel at home,” Maya says politely.
Claudine doesn’t hesitate before doing so, and so she plops down over the couch and puts her legs up. It feels really soft and comfortable, almost instantly making her sleepy, but she feels a rush waking her up once Maya sits elegantly on the opposite side of it.
“I was merely joking about the couch, you may sleep in my bed,” Maya offers, turning her body towards Claudine but still keeping her posture straight and elegant.
“No, not at all, I’m the one who decided to intrude so suddenly. I’m good here,” Claudine explains, a little distracted by how Maya managed to hide her drunkenness so well. “Besides, your couch is really comfortable.”
“It is,” Maya agrees with a chuckle, and its softness makes Claudine feel something weird in her chest. “Sometimes when I arrive too tired from rehearsal I just sleep here.”
“I’d do the same,” Claudine agrees, not keeping her eyes off Maya.
Maybe it was the drunkenness or maybe it was the surprise of seeing each other again after three years, but Claudine feels something old and so carefully buried emerge in her chest with this encounter. This adult version of Maya manages to drag her attention even more than it used to, and it was almost intoxicating—but that was the alcohol, Claudine tells herself.
“Claudine, do you remember our goodbyes three years ago?” Maya asks suddenly, taking Claudine by surprise.
“How could I forget?” Claudine chuckles. “The image of you choking back your tears is imprinted in my brain.”
“I was struggling so hard to hide my emotions, you ruined my façade so badly,” Maya remembers the scene of their last meeting, still at the dorms from Seisho. “I’m glad we were alone.”
“All I wanted was to destroy your emotionless façade. But just for me, though,” Claudine turns her body towards Maya as well, getting even more comfortable. “I’m glad I managed it.”
“You did, and thank you for that. I’d have regretted letting you go without telling you how you are important to me and how much I’d miss you,” Maya speaks so softly and easily that it makes Claudine feel something weird in her chest again. “I’m just sad we took so long to see each other again.”
“Uh, I’m sorry about that. I kept promising everyone to come to visit, but first I was busy trying to get in at Theater du Flamme, then I started working part-time and my time was consumed by everything. Once I finally got in, I didn’t want to stop rehearsing to keep up with the expectations. My free time was all to visit my parents and other relatives, so coming to Japan kept being postponed…”
“I know, you don’t need to apologize,” Maya says in a soothing tone. “I was extremely busy here as well, and I promised to visit you too. Finding time was difficult, and I knew you were always busy as well.”
“Yeah. Things have calmed down now that I’m settled, so I hope to come more. You can visit me anytime as well.”
“I surely will,” Maya smiles.
“It’ll be fun having you there and hanging out with you. I miss it.”
“I miss it infinitely as well. We shall recover quickly from this time apart.”
“I believe we’re doing that already.”
It’s hard for Claudine to assimilate how she handled the distance for that time, now that they’re finally face-to-face again, and Maya wonders the same. The beginning was harder, but both were so focused on their careers and futures that the pain eventually faded.
They hold each other’s gazes from that distance and Claudine feels her cheeks warm. She has always found Maya beautiful, but she was dazed by her now—her eyes, her soft skin, her lips. Claudine unconsciously bites her own lower lips as her eyes lock in the other woman’s lips, her state too drunk for her to care if she was being noticed doing that.
“I guess I can assume that you don’t have a boyfriend, right? Or a girlfriend?” The question slips through Claudine's lips easily, something that probably wouldn't happen in her normal state.
"Hm, yes, I have no time for that." Maya chuckles, entertained by the sudden change of subject. "Why the curiosity?"
"Just wondering."
"Do you?"
"Hm, nothing serious. I just fool around sometimes; I also don't have time for that."
"We live for the stage, and it demands a lot from us."
"Oui. And most people wouldn't understand our dedication to it."
"Indeed. It’s a difficult subject."
Claudine bites her lower lip again as insane thoughts fill her mind. It's not like she never had them before, but it's been a long time, so long she thought they died quietly with the past. Right now these thoughts seemed awake and on fire, screaming in her mind at the opportunity in front of her.
And so she finds herself crawling closer to the other woman over the couch.
"Good thing that we understand each other, right? And have understood for so long,” she says as she approaches, and Maya doesn’t move. “We’ve always had a good time together.”
Taking that lack of reaction as an advantage, Claudine traps the other woman in her corner of the couch, approaching their faces together. From that closeness, she can smell her soft perfume is mixed with a hint of alcohol and her pupils have clearly dilated, as much as she forces to keep her expression calm.
“I guess I’ll have to break your façade again, right?” Claudine says before giving in to her wildest desires.
And so she ends the distance for a kiss. She notices Maya catches her breath as she seems nervous, and so she guides her gently by placing her hand behind her neck. More intoxicating than looking at Maya was kissing her, and Claudine feels her mind go blank at the sensation. She’s so soft, softer than she imagined and the kiss feels better than anything she has ever experienced.
But the sensation comes to an abrupt end when she feels her hands on her shoulders, pulling her away. She reopens her eyes and meets Maya’s shocked gaze, feeling her heart sinking instantly.
“I believe you may have drunk too much,” she says, forcing her voice to sound calm. “I’ll bring you a pillow and a blanket so you can sleep.”
With that, Maya leaves the couch and disappears in the corridor that leads to her room without looking back. And Claudine feels herself sobering up upon realizing what she just did and how badly it ended.
How could she allow her drunk state to get over her? What was Maya thinking now? She curses herself as she lies over the couch and hides her face under her hands, regret taking over her mind.
In her room, Maya stops by her wardrobe with her trembling hand over her mouth, her eyes still huge in shock from what just happened. She has a hard time digesting the fact Claudine just kissed her, but her rational side soon takes over by telling her the other woman was very drunk and only did that because of that influence. It didn’t mean anything. After a few minutes of calming her heart down, she picks the pillow and the blanket from her wardrobe and walks back to the living room, forcing her expression to seem neutral.
Hearing her steps finally coming back, Claudine decides to pretend to be fast asleep to avoid the awkwardness for now. And seeing her in that state, Maya proceeds to cover her with the blanket and carefully place the pillow under her head before turning off the lights and walking back to her room, where she continues to process what just happened.
If she was sober, Claudine feels certain she wouldn’t get a minute of sleep. But since she’s still drunk, she manages to sleep until morning, when she decides to leave before Maya wakes up but not after leaving her a note.
She finds a notepad and rips off a page to place over the middle table, somewhere very easy to see.
“I am very sorry about my behavior last night. I hope we can forget it happened and continue our relationship as it is. -Claudine”
Once she wakes up and finds the note, Maya feels her heart race again in her chest. That seemed like the best solution, after all. However, she doesn’t feel sure she can forget that so easily.
––––––☆––––––
Neither Maya nor Claudine knows exactly what to do after that kiss. Claudine expected Maya to act as if nothing ever happened when they met again, which would definitely be for the best, but the idea of losing her because of it doesn’t leave her mind. It was such a reckless and silly decision, it would be devastating if it ended ruining their years of friendship. But, for now, she had to allow her space to think. Eventually, they’d see each other again, and from there they’d solve how things would be from now on.
Meanwhile, Maya keeps reliving the kiss in her mind as if still trying to process it, the occurrence so surprising to her that it even disrupts her concentration during rehearsal, when she goes back to work. Even after so many years, she still considered Claudine the person closest to her, and that kiss brought back all of the dormant feelings in her chest from her teens. Her rational side insists that Claudine was just drunk, but her always locked up feelings were blooming all over her chest with the possibility ahead of her: maybe, just maybe, Claudine had felt the same way for her back then. But she wouldn’t fall easily for that illusion, not after three years and now that they both were adults.
Besides, as much as she felt blissful inside, she couldn’t ignore Claudine’s message asking her to forget about it. Maybe she realized her mistake as soon as she sobered up, and so Maya had to respect that and act accordingly.
Her dormant feelings would just have to continue that way, as they should be.
A couple of days later, the nine of them decide to schedule a full-day date to a theme park for the following Saturday, hoping to enjoy as much as they could while Claudine was still in Japan. The days after reading that message are full of anticipation for Maya and Claudine, since they’d see each other for the first time after the kiss. Would it be awkward, even acting as if it didn’t happen? Wouldn’t the others notice it?
The anxiety the scenario brings Maya doesn’t leave her mind. It would be terrible if the others noticed they were weird with each other, since they were always so close, and it ends leading her to make a hard decision on the previous day from their date: she texts Claudine and asks her if she could go to her hotel so they could talk.
Claudine feels a rush in her heart once she gets that text, and, as nervous as she feels, she doesn’t hesitate to agree to that idea. Maya would be there after her rehearsal, quite late on that Friday night, and the wait is quite disconcerting for the half-French woman. Once she finally arrives and Claudine opens the door for her, she feels something strike her chest upon taking in her presence, her figure elegantly accentuated by a slim satin button-up shirt and black dress trousers.
She thought it was her drunken state that made her feel intoxicated by Maya, but once seeing her again like this, she realizes the issues might be deeper than alcohol.
Maya also pauses for a second as she looks at Claudine, dressed in comfortable jogger pants and a v-lined cotton shirt that hangs dangerously loose around her shoulder, exposing the strap of her black bra, and had to force her eyes to avert her gaze from staring too much at the exposed skin. What was this reaction from her mind? It’s not like she hasn’t seen Claudine a zillion times in clothes that showed more skin, but somehow, after this long, the slightest trigger could make her heart go insane.
Their eyes finally meet after a couple of seconds in silence, still with some hesitation, before they greet each other.
“Good evening, Claudine,” Maya unfreezes first and greets in a polite act, cursing the fact she so easily let slip through her lips her first name, just like when they were alone years ago.
“Hey, Maya,” Claudine returns her greeting in the same way, though a little more awkwardly. “Come on in.”
With the invitation, Maya walks past her inside her fancy room, which looks more like a small apartment—with a small living room that connects straight to the deluxe bedroom. She hears the door closing and turns her attention back to Claudine, who walks closer.
“I…” Maya feels nervous once their eyes meet again and shifts her glance elsewhere. “I believe we must have a conversation before we meet the others tomorrow.”
“Hm, you’re probably right,” Claudine agrees, crossing her arms over her belly. “You don’t need to be concerned, though. As I said on the note, we can just forget what happened and move on.”
“Indeed. But it still concerned me that we’d feel awkward in this first encounter…” Maya trails off.
“Yeah, well, I’ll do my best to continue behaving normally, especially for the others to not notice.”
“That’s the best decision and I shall do the same. The others don’t need to know anything.”
“They won’t ever know. Let’s just act normally tomorrow.”
“Let’s,” Maya agrees, biting her lower lip.
They fall into an awkward silence then.
“I, uh, am sorry, though. I got too drunk,” Claudine chuckles nervously. “I didn’t mean to, you know…”
“I soon realized you were not in your usual state, so don’t be concerned.”
“Right,” Claudine places her hand behind her neck. “I wouldn’t do that normally.”
“Understandable. It was merely a result of the alcohol in your system.”
“Yeah, completely,” Claudine agrees weirdly.
Their eyes meet again for half a second and they turn away.
“We can’t act this nervous tomorrow,” Maya says softly.
“It’ll be easier around the others,” Claudine says calmly. “But I don’t want us to be like this forever.”
“We won’t. It’s just a matter of time, we’ll soon forget about it.”
“Yeah.”
Another silence.
“It’ll be difficult to forget it, though,” Maya slips out, catching Claudine’s attention.
As they look at each other once more, though, Maya can’t help ending the distance between their bodies anymore. She places her hand over Claudine’s cheek and brings her into a kiss, as nervous and urgent as she feels inside her chest.
And, as quickly as it begins, it ends, with Maya breaking away and stepping behind nervously, her eyes huge in shock at her so instinctive – and tremendously odd – behavior. How could she give in like that? What was happening with her mind?
“I… I apologize,” she stutters, not recognizing herself for doing that.
Claudine, though, doesn’t buy those words and doesn’t allow herself time to think properly before ending the distance between them again, pulling Maya into a hungry kiss that revealed to both of them what their true desires were, in the end. Maya’s back hits the wall as they continue kissing, not stopping for a second to allow any rational thought from appearing in their minds.
If they broke apart, maybe they would never be able to surrender to that desire again. Surrendering, something so alien to both of them, who never gave in to anything that stepped between their paths to the future.
Not even these feelings they had and hid from each other for so long.
––––––☆––––––
A beeping noise wakes Claudine from the good and comfortable sleep she was having. Without opening her eyes, she stretches her arm for her nightstand and clicks on the screen of her phone to stop the sound, returning to her position as soon as the room is quiet again.
Going back to sleep wasn’t an option now that she was awake, but she hesitates before opening her eyes. She doesn’t feel warmth around her, a familiar warmth she longed so much to have, and it scares her that it all was just an imaginary bliss. Maybe it was all just a dream.
But she collects herself from these thoughts and slowly opens her eyes, meeting the ceiling from the hotel’s huge canopy bed at first. With a sigh, she turns her head to the right, having to contain a gasp to find a still sleeping Maya there, hugging her pillow as she sleeps peacefully on her side of the bed. She didn’t expect to find her there anymore, her cold side of the bed giving her false expectations, and it makes her heart rush in her chest.
She was there. Her sleeping face was as beautiful as she remembered it to be from the times they shared the bed years ago. The circumstances back then were the most trivial, from late-night read-throughs to both being afraid to sleep alone after a horror movie. They were good times; good times she thought would never come back.
But it happened again, under very different circumstances. She wouldn’t dare to imagine this sort of scenario back then, but she can’t lie it didn’t cross her mind the first time she slept with someone. She wondered what it would be like if that woman she casually met at a bar was the one who made her heart beat stronger in her chest, the one that filled her with true passion and admiration. However, it was all just her imagination; it would never happen in real life.
And it shocks her that it just did. Like a wave from a huge earthquake hitting them both, their feelings became exposed. Their feelings. Claudine didn’t seem alone in her secret fantasy anymore, not after that night.
So she finally breaks that gap in the bed, something that shouldn’t even be there, and reaches for her. Her familiar warmth, her familiar scent. Suddenly it all felt so right.
Claudine places her arm around Maya’s waist under the duvets that cover them both and fits her bare body with hers, so naturally and perfectly as everything they did together years ago. Maya wakes up with that movement, looking slightly confused for a couple of seconds as if trying to remember last night did happen and it wasn’t just a dream. But as soon as her eyes drown into Claudine’s and her expression relaxes, both are interrupted by an irritating buzz coming from the nightstand.
Claudine furrows her eyebrows deeply before unwillingly pulling away from Maya again to stop that sound, probably her alarm insisting on coming off. However, as she picks the device, she notices it wasn’t an alarm but a call. Futaba’s name is displayed on the screen and a rush of realization hits her as she sits up, holding the duvet around herself.
As much as she didn’t want to, she picks up the call.
“Sorry Kuroko, we might be five minutes late,” Futaba says from the other side, sounding in a rush. “We missed the first subway because Kaoruko overslept, but we’re already close.”
Claudine remains in silence for a few seconds, digesting the situation. With the unexpected events from last night, she completely forgot she was supposed to meet Futaba and Kaoruko at the subway so they could walk together to the theme park, the important day of the date with all of their friends.
“I, uh…” she begins, embarrassed. “I’m going to be late as well. Can we meet there, so you two don’t have to wait at the subway for me?”
“Did you oversleep as well?” Futaba laughs. “Fine, fine, just hurry up. I heard Nana and Junna are already arriving as well.”
“ Fine, I’ll… Be right there.”
She turns off the call and looks at Maya with a pained expression. She didn’t want this so important night to end just yet, she wanted more. She wanted to talk, to cuddle, and to kiss her, enjoying all she could from this particular moment that might not ever happen again.
But before she could say anything, Maya was already standing up, holding the duvet to hide her exposed body.
“We should better hurry,” she says as she collects her clothes from the floor. “We can’t keep them waiting.”
“Yeah.” Claudine agrees bitterly. Somehow, Maya’s words and tone seemed cold and distant to her still infatuated mood. “We can’t.”
They don’t exchange words as they get themselves ready to leave, and the silence is overwhelming for Claudine. On the other hand, Maya is practical; as much as this hurry wasn’t welcome after that night, they both had an important event to attend, so she focuses completely on getting ready and looking just as always—as much as she feels completely different inside after such a new and raw experience. If she pauses for a second to digest what happened, her façade might simply collapse, just as it did collapse on the previous night and everything she wanted was exposed.
Claudine was really the only one capable of laying her bare; the connection they built years ago never faded.
And she has to control her impulse to simply break down in delight for everything that happened, for how her secret desires maybe were reciprocated, and she hoped so much they were and this night wasn’t just another one night stand for the other woman.
Claudine wouldn’t do that, not with all they have and hold for each other.
But now it wasn’t the time to sort everything out, and she keeps her serious façade as she grabs her bag and heads to the bathroom to apply her natural daily makeup. Once she’s satisfied with her appearance, hoping Mahiru and Futaba don’t mention she’s wearing the exact same outfit she was wearing on the previous day at the troupe, she returns to the room, finding Claudine just finishing to put on her perfume by the vanity table. Her long-sleeved flower dress gives her an ethereal appearance that takes Maya’s breath away.
“Let’s go?” she asks, not looking at her as she places the glass bottle over the table.
“Hm.” Maya just nods in agreement, a little overwhelmed by how beautiful Claudine looks, and her eyeliner and soft red lips only add to that combo.
Her first love, the one that held her heart for so long, looked so mature now. How could she handle not seeing her for three years?
But Claudine doesn't capture Maya’s overwhelmed state and just understands her nod and short agreement as a continuation of her coldness from earlier. So, she simply walks out of the room, finds her bag on the couch, and heads to the door, and Maya follows in equal silence.
They don’t exchange words the entire way to the theme park.
––––––☆––––––
As Maya hoped to not happen, the first comment she hears once they arrive is from Futaba, noticing how her clothes were the same as the previous day. Kaoruko follows with some teasing and the others with curiosity, and so she explains calmly that she went to Claudine’s hotel room so they could catch up and ended spending the night.
The explanation ceases the curiosity of everyone, who soon get distracted with the number of attractions they wanted to visit at that huge theme park. But Claudine doesn’t feel satisfied with it, feeling as if the casual way Maya made the excuse was just a cherry on top of all her frustration with the other since they woke up. And it doesn’t help the way Maya gives everyone attention during the day, wanting all of her attention to herself only.
The day goes by fast with their plans. Once evening sets, they visit a haunted mansion, and, as much as they were all grown adults, the attraction grabs screams from all of them just like it would if they still were teenagers. Nana is the least scared of them all, laughing and taking photos of the others’ scared faces, and doesn’t fail to notice the most scaredy-cat duo falls behind of their group, probably supporting each other just as they did years ago. It brings her back memories, and so she decides to leave them alone and focus on the others, clearly having fun with the frights.
Maya and Claudine walk side by side throughout the entire path, which seems weird for their current situation but familiar for their past experiences supporting each other with scary movies. An actor dressed as a zombie jumps in front of them and they instinctively hold each other’s arms as they scream, the sudden proximity making their hearts race even more than the scare itself. Claudine was sure the touch would be temporary, but Maya doesn’t let go of her for the rest of the way, which confuses her entirely. She had been acting so cold, why was she so close now? However, she barely has time to think before another scare surprises them, and so decides they could remain like that until the end of the attraction.
As soon as the group finds their way out, they also find their distance from each other. Claudine tries her best to hide the disappointment from her face, as much as she had seen it coming.
“Time for the final ride, everyone!” their attention is caught by Karen, who excitingly points to the giant Ferris wheel in the middle of the park.
Now that the night fell, the lights from that amusement ride were turned on and flashed colorfully in contrast to the night sky. The group walks to the line and waits for a few minutes for their turn when they discover the cabin only supported eight people.
“I don’t mind going alone,” Claudine announces indifferently. “I can use the quietness for a while.”
“Then allow me to keep you company. Quietly, if you desire,” Maya doesn’t hesitate to add, surprising Claudine.
“Then it’s set!” Nana excitedly accepts the idea before Claudine could say anything.
The other seven women settle themselves inside a cabin and leave Maya and Claudine alone to get on the next one. They don’t interact even after the Ferris wheel starts moving and both distract themselves by looking outside, the view breathtaking with the lights from the city. Maya knew the woman sitting across from her was way more breathtaking than that, though; but she promised to keep her company in silence. Whatever the reason Claudine had for wanting some time, Maya wanted to respect her space, and she even avoids looking her way for that.
Claudine, however, doesn’t interpret Maya’s distance that way. The view eventually gets uninteresting, and so she shifts her gaze to the woman in front of her, who continues focused outside. The way she avoids her gaze is almost heartbreaking, closing any proximity that ride in the haunted mansion gave them.
Closing anything Claudine thought they had built on that previous night.
“We can just forget about last night as well,” Claudine says quietly, shifting her gaze to the floor of the cabin.
The shock of hearing those words makes Maya finally look at Claudine.
“Is that what you want?” she asks carefully, concerned.
Claudine doesn’t reply at first, fidgeting in her seat as she feels eyes over her. This is not the situation she wanted Maya to look at her.
“Isn’t that what you want?” Claudine retorts.
“No,” Maya doesn’t hesitate to say, making the blonde woman finally lift her gaze.
Their eyes meet, and a wave of emotions hits them both. But Claudine was still filled with bitter thoughts, giving her insecurity and hesitation.
“Then why did you act so cold and distant towards me since this morning?” she blurts her frustration out.
“I–” Maya feels shocked with that interpretation of her actions. “I was merely focusing on this date with the others today, for which we were already late to attend. I didn’t expect to be misunderstood…”
Hearing that explanation makes Claudine want to start crying. Now that she heard it she remembers how serious Maya always is with her responsibilities and obligations, never fazing her façade even in the most challenging situations.
Her Maya used to be like that, why did it shock her so much to have her acting that way today? Was it because of the turmoil in her mind?
Getting Maya to open up on their goodbyes should be proof enough Maya had a hard time showing her true emotions, and it was Claudine’s role to break her façades.
“But I apologize, Claudine. I longed to talk to you, but we had to get this event out of the way first,” she finishes. “We needed to establish if you felt the same as I did or this was merely another… ‘fooling around' for you.”
It’s Claudine’s turn to get shocked by her words. Claudine did mention to Maya that she sometimes had casual encounters like that, but this was completely different. How could Maya consider that?
“When did we get so bad at reading each other?” Claudine chuckles bitterly, holding back her tears.
“It’s been three years,” Maya explains bitterly.
“Indeed, but last night I felt as if we bid our heartbreaking goodbyes a week ago.” Claudine blurts, opening her heart.
“I felt the same.” Maya doesn’t hesitate to say the same.
“You seemed so shocked when I kissed you, I thought I ruined it all and lost you. I regret doing it while drunk, but I just couldn't hold myself. And then you kissed me and I thought, for those hours, that maybe we were both fools for wasting these three years we could have–” Claudine trails off, afraid of putting those words out.
But Maya catches them.
“Maybe we were. Or maybe now is the right time. We are both settled in our careers, with some of our concerns behind us. We finally have time to meet, we have liberty and independence to do as we please…”
“There are ten thousand kilometers between us.”
“And there would still be, even if I had opened my heart completely and confessed I loved you in our goodbyes. It wasn’t the right time, I wouldn’t give up my dreams and neither would I allow you to give up yours.”
A tear rolls down Claudine’s face then, but she quickly dries it out with her fingers.
“Are you saying… you felt the same?”
“It depends on how you felt.”
Was Maya provoking her? This brings her back memories when her provocations were only about their endless rehearsals where Maya pushed her to higher grounds.
Maybe she was pushing her to higher grounds now as well, to experience something new and scary for both of them.
“I did love you a lot, but I buried those feelings long ago to move on to the next part of my life; my next stage,” Claudine confesses. “Seeing you brought them back to light, but I don’t understand the reason for that–”
“Maybe they were merely dormant, ready to be awakened at the slight disturbance,” Maya says. “At least I’m coming to realize that is my case. I love you, Claudine.”
The way she blurts it out, so easily and softly, almost makes Claudine break down.
“How can you be so sure? Are we even the same as we were three years ago?” Claudine allows her insecurities to take in. “Aren’t we completely different people now?”
“Didn’t you feel the same familiarity I felt yesterday?” Maya asks, and Claudine has to control a gasp. “I recognize your voice, your scent, the shape of your hands when they hold mine. We did talk during this period through messages; we might need a little more catching up, but I don’t think we changed that much. And I’m thrilled to see façades of you I don’t know yet.”
Claudine sighs. Her mind was a turmoil, but it didn’t make sense for her to continue swimming in her pool of insecurities.
Maya was clear enough already, so she could give in.
“I’m also thrilled to see your new façades. And break them all, if possible,” she smiles weakly.
“I look forward to that,” Maya also smiles.
Very carefully Claudine stands up from her seat and goes to the opposite side to sit by Maya’s side. Both chuckle nervously at how the cabin unbalances with all the weight on just one side, but lock arms and finally kiss again, something both wanted so much since that morning.
And they feel certain now is the right time, with butterflies in their stomach as they give in to feelings so old in their chests.
––––––☆––––––
For now, they don’t tell the others about each other, but Futaba might have suspected something with the way Claudine remains busy with Maya for the rest of her stay in Japan. There was a lot of catching up to do and just a little remaining time to do so, so they couldn’t waste a minute from it.
And their goodbyes this time isn’t as heartbreaking as that one from three years earlier, when they thought they would inevitably drift apart not only physically but emotionally from each other. They only thought; it didn’t happen. And, this time, they were supported by Maya’s already purchased tickets to visit Claudine in two months, a certainty that they would be able to endure the distance and look forward to their encounters.
Until the day they don’t need to travel to see each other anymore, but that would be something for them to decide when the right time comes. And it would come.
Because the only certainty they had now is that no matter what time passes or what distance was built between each other, their heart belonged to one another, no matter what.
The end The beginning