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silence.
well, not complete silence.
the curtains fluttered in the breeze because the ac unit in their one bedroom apartment was shit and they always fell asleep with the window slightly cracked open. muffled footfalls from their upstairs neighbor as they paced back and forth above them. echoed thumping bass as music was being played somewhere else in the building.
sheets rustling as his boyfriend tried to find a comfortable position in his sleep.
his thoughts, running rampant and loud in a vicious cycle throughout his mind.
“hey, kook?” taehyung whispers gently, hair brushing against his knuckles as jungkook’s head slightly turns, indicating he was still awake, even just slightly.
“hmmph,” is the only response taehyung gets from his worn out partner. juggling two part-time jobs and a full load of coursework was definitely putting a strain on jungkook, who was already too much of a perfectionist and an over-thinker to boot.
“never mind, baby,” he sighs gently, carding his fingers through jungkook’s tangled curls, his new perm still stiffening his normally soft locks. “just go back to sleep.”
“no tae, tell me. whass up?” he slurs, sleep thickening his words.
“i just…” he trails off, still uncertain of where his late night ponderings had brought him.
taehyung waits. jungkook waits; one eye peeling open to glance at him.
“do you ever feel unlovable?” he murmurs into the darkness, gaze steadily transfixed on his fingers still caught in jungkook’s hair, afraid to look him in the eyes.
“what do you mean, babe?” jungkook asks delicately, like he is uncertain exactly what taehyung is asking which, truthfully, he never completely knew what taehyung ever meant when he started asking these deep, soul searching questions.
“like, do you ever just wonder if it’s all worth it? and what the point of it all is?”
jungkook shifts, raising his body slightly to turn and face taehyung completely, the sheets falling from his shoulder as his right arm reaches out to drag taehyung closer into his embrace. taehyung resists at first then sags, letting his full weight rest on jungkook; his head falling to rest on his chest, face tucked securely into jungkook’s neck.
jungkook slowly traces his fingers up and down taehyung’s back, delicately playing melodies on his spine and shoulders while taehyung inhales deeply and breathes out, his breath puffing across the soft skin beneath his mouth.
jungkook waits, as he always does, for taehyung to continue his train of thought. he will always wait for taehyung, no matter the circumstance.
“i just don’t know my purpose. why i’m here, what i’m here for, what i’m meant to be doing, you know? what’s the point. am i meant for something greater? am i meant to change the world? or will i just live, and be another meaningless someone on a planet of someones where nothing matters and ultimately no one remembers me?” taehyung gasps, his hands clenched in tight fists resting on top of jungkook’s stomach, his chest rapidly rising and falling after blurting out what has been troubling him all night.
still, jungkook waits. he breathes deeply, purposefully, allowing his chest to rise and fall beneath taehyung’s face, watching as his boyfriend subconsciously slows his breathing to match the pace of that underneath him.
“i’m sorry,” taehyung sighs again. “i don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“baby?” jungkook questions softly.
“hmm,” is the noncommittal response he received.
“there’s nothing wrong with you.”
taehyung huffs, opening his mouth to protest but jungkook cuts him off gently.
“there’s nothing wrong with you,” he emphasizes, gently pressing his lips to the crown of taehyung’s head.
“and what do you mean, you have no purpose? you’re filled with purpose. every day that you wake up and get out of bed, that’s purpose. finishing each day, completing something, that’s your purpose.”
“my purpose is waking up every damn day?” taehyung scoffs, hands curling around jungkook’s waist to drag them even closer together.
“yes, baby. there doesn’t have to be any point behind what you do besides what drives you to do it. what drives you to wake up every day?” he questions gently, hands never ceasing their movement to smooth up and down his boyfriend's back.
“i… i don’t know,” taehyung mutters, eyebrows clenching slightly as he thinks on what jungkook asked. “i guess to see you each morning,” he says softly, as if he’s ashamed or embarrassed by his answer.
“and?” jungkook prods, not unkindly. “what else?”
“well, i love watching the sunrise?” his sentence trails upwards- as if a question, not a statement. “and, i love seeing my students and hearing what they’ve learned or created from each lesson. i love seeing our puppy when i get home from work. oh! and i also love when you get home from class and fall in my lap and we nap on the couch together until someone gets too hungry and we get to make dinner together.”
jungkook chuckles lightly, fingers now gently massaging into taehyung’s nape. “see? there’s your purpose. it’s not the big, important, all-encompassing things that make or define your purpose. it’s all the little things that make you happy and make you happy to be alive, my love.”
“but…” taehyung pulls his lower lip into his mouth as he contemplates, softly sucking on the skin. “but what’s the point? who am i doing it for?”
“tae,” jungkook gently grasps taehyung’s chin, pulling his face out of the crook of his neck so he can look him in the eyes. “you’re doing it for you, baby.”
taehyung pouts, his bottom lip jutting out, slightly swollen from all the times he chews on it in distress. “but that’s not good enough. how am i supposed to do anything meaningful if i do it just for me?”
“first off, you’re not doing it just for you. you’re doing it for your family, for your kids, for me. for your friends, and for anyone else who loves you. which is a lot of people, might i add. who gives a fuck if you’re not important to the whole world.”
taehyung’s pout increases as jungkook continues, and jungkook only giggles under his breath, nose scrunching up as he tenderly caresses the soft skin of taehyung’s face.
“you’re important to those who want to be in your life, who want to see you succeed, and love you and grow with you. and that is all that matters.”
jungkook watches as thought after thought flashes through taehyung’s mind, sees them all reflect in his wide eyes. he’ll wait for however long it takes for the torrential storm to calm within his head.
taehyung’s eyes flicker back and forth rapidly until they softly drift closed and a deep breath shudders through him. he sinks down until his head rests on jungkook's chest once again, ear pressed against where his heart beats rapidly, solidly, only for him.
“i’m important. to you, to mom & dad, and… and to me,” he mumbles breathlessly.
“yeah, taehyung. you are,” jungkook nestles deeper into the pillows beneath him, dragging the comforter up and over both of their bodies.
“thank you,” taehyung utters, as sleep begins to fog his brain more than his thoughts were just ten minutes prior. “thank you for reminding me.”
jungkook feels a light kiss pressed into the skin over his heart. “any time, any place, anywhere, forever taehyung. i will always remind you. i will always be there to quiet the storm.”
“i love you,” is whispered into the silence.
silence.
but, not complete silence.
the breeze still brushed through the curtains, but the music has died down to a soft, gentle lull and the neighbor above has finally stopped pacing.
two breaths can be heard, steadily and in tandem. two hearts, beating as one. in the silence.