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Some missions in the Mafia were truly more fun that others.
Today's was definitely one of them. Well, it wasn't exactly 'today's' mission. The mission actually extended over a period of three days, including travel time. Moreover, it was in Tokushima, a city three hundred miles away from Yokohama. They could've taken the plane, but Double Black chose to make a fun vacation out of it and take the train.
Further, it was actually an undercover mission; one of the cliché ones at that. The kind they show in James Bond movies and such. They were supposed infiltrate a ball. This ball was to be held as a celebration for the completion of an auction. This specific auction was to sell off the treasures of the late Shibusawa Tatsuhiko. One of the items on display happened to be a platinum ring, with the vibrant and blue lapis lazuli as its centre stone.
Shibusawa's collection was mostly consisted of various jewels and precious stones. The ring was on of them; considered to be one of the most sought-after possessions, worth fifty million yen. The Port Mafia got hints that a certain man was trying to outbid any other bidders in order to get his hands on the ring. Now, the Mafia boss'... Uh, not his daughter, but the personification of his ability, Elise. She demanded to have the ring at any cost, so of course, it was now vital that Port Mafia manage to acquire the ring.
Since the ball was to be held the day before the auction, it was a good chance to scout the other bidders and try to figure out which one of them planned to outbid the Mafia. After that, that person was to be rendered useless on the day of the auction, of course. The Mafia truly implemented such simple measures.
Double Black, Dazai and Chuuya, chose to go on this mission as a vacation. They would be staying at a hot springs resort, travel by train, sightsee during their free time, and win a 50-million yen ring at an auction. It was the perfect vacation!
Presently, the duo were at that point of the vacation where they attend a stuffy ball. Really, for a pair of sixteen year old boys, such a thing definitely didn't sound fun at all. There was sure to be alcohol at the event, but Chuuya had been warned repeatedly to abstain at all costs. He was a lightweight, his shitty partner said. That was definitely not true! Chuuya could handle his liquor just fine, okay.
Unfortunately, his partner didn't seem to agree on that and made it very clear that he'd be knocking out any and every liquor glass from his hand. And that would cause a scene, which they weren't supposed to do. What a pain! Now Chuuya would have to get through a four hour ball without any alcohol. This was truly the worst.
Well, anyway, it couldn't be helped. He'd just have to put up with it, and hopefully find something interesting to engage in during the ball. For now, he was ready to enter the big dance room where the ball was being held.
Dazai complained as they made their way over to the bar, "This suit is so uncomfortable!"
An annoyed sigh could be heard from his partner, "I know that. But we're supposed to look more grown-up and classy for an event like this."
The taller of them chuckled, "Fufufu, more grown up, you say? But Chuuya still looks like a little chibi! The bartender will definitely not serve alcohol to a child. Looks like I don't have to worry about you getting drunk and passing out, Chuuya~!"
As soon as he finished speaking, he was punched in the stomach, "Stop calling me short, asshole. And I already said I won't drink. By the way! Why the fuck do you get to drink, hah?!"
Dazai grinned as he pressed his index finger against his lips, "That's because I am not a lightweight, unlike you. I can hold my liquor."
Chuuya just ignored him, muttering profanities under his breath as he sidled up to the bartender to order a water for himself, and a whiskey on the rocks for his bastard of a partner. The bartender definitely gave him weird looks when he ordered water. Which, justified, by the way! Who the fuck orders water at a fucking ball? A D-grade loser, that's who.
The bartender arched his eyebrows at the redhead as he slid over the two beverages, "Just water for the sir over there?"
Chuuya bit back his embarrassment as his jerked his head in explanation, "Just water for me. Designated driver, you know how it is."
The bartender looked amused, but didn't say anything else as his customer walked away to go back to accompanying his friend on the tall, swivel stools. He watched with a tilted smile as the customer struggled to seat himself on the tall stools.
Meanwhile, said customer's partner laughed at him for the same reason, "Chuuya, you are so tiny!"
For a change, instead of screaming his head off, the redhead buried his face in his partner's sleeved arm, "Shut up already. I want to die."
Tasting the first sip of whiskey on his tongue, Dazai laughed, "Death jokes are unbecoming of you, Chuuya. That's kind of my thing."
When Chuuya merely shushed him again, not saying anything else, he continued, "Also, don't go smiling at the bartender, Chuuya~ We're here disguised as a couple, you know?"
The shorter mafioso finally looked up, "We are disguised as a couple at our hotel, for the shared room. Here, we're just business partners at an auction for all I care."
Dazai was most probably going to be dramatic, hands clutching at his chest, eyes wide with surprise and disappointment, ranting about how Chuuya was so cruel as to even suggest that they were not a couple. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how one sees it; they were approached by another man before Dazai could perform any of his usual bullshit.
The man was tall, and he looked older than the duo as well. His eyes green and his hair pale blonde, artfully tousled to make it look effortless; he was truly gorgeous. His charcoal suit was tailored perfectly to fit him in all the right places, and he wore obsidian cufflinks as accessories. He was gorgeous, and he knew it.
He turned to Dazai, "Bonjour, Monsieur. Je m'appelle Hugo Victor. Et tu?"
(Hello, Sir. My name is Victor Hugo. And you?)
Now, Dazai knew several languages; he was mostly well versed in Asian languages, and French was definitely not one of them. He looked at Chuuya, his face clearly indicating the need for translation. Chuuya smirked at him; deciding to act as the interpreter between them immediately. He'd translate the sentences wrongly; this was the perfect chance to mess with Dazai, and get over his boredom at this stuffy ball. It was perfect!
He stepped in and offered his hand to the Frenchman, "Salut. Je suis Nakahara Chuuya, et il est Dazai Osamu. Il ne parle pas francais, mais je peux traduire pour lui."
(Hello. I'm Nakahara Chuuya, and he's Dazai Osamu. He doesn't speak French, but I can translate for him.)
Victor shook his hand, beaming, "C'est bien!" He then turned to Dazai, "Tu préfères le whisky?"
(That's good!; You prefer whiskey?)
Chuuya nodded at him in response, "Oui. Il adore le whisky."
(Yes. He adores whiskey.)
The man graced Dazai with a smile before walking over the bar.
Dazai turned to Chuuya and sighed, "This is going to be annoying. What'd he say?"
Of course, the redhead kept quiet about the several plans building in his head. He simply rolled his eyes and shrugged, "He asked if you prefer whiskey, and I said yes. Looks like he went to buy you another glass."
Before Dazai could say anything, Victor Hugo was back with two glasses of whiskey. He offered one glass to the mafioso before boldly seating himself on a stool right next to him. He smiled at Dazai, "Tu es très beaux; Es-tu ici avec quelqu'un?"
(You are very beautiful. Are you here with someone?)
Chuuya quickly explained the sentence to his partner before answering the question on his behalf, "Merci beaucoup. Il est ici avec son associe; c'est moi. Mais ce n'est pas comme ça."
(Thank you very much. He's here with his business partner, that's me. But it's not like that.)
For the next few minutes, there was some idle chatter between the three of them. Well, it was mostly a conversation between Dazai and Victor, with Chuuya acting as a translator. For this part, he translated correctly. It was when the conversation got a little more personal that he started to mess up the translation on purpose.
Victor Hugo was already drunk enough after two drinks; clearly a lightweight. And Dazai had the audacity to call Chuuya a lightweight! How rude! Anyway, slowly the conversation shifted towards the topic of the auction.
The Frenchman hummed, "Qu'est-ce que vous ici pour acheter?"
(What are you here to buy?)
Well, the man was drunk enough to not realise that Chuuya was just answering the question on his own, instead of translating what Dazai said.
So, the redhead just responded on his own, "Nous sommes ici pour acheter les bijoux pour notre patron; un ring préfèrable."
(We are here to buy jewellery for our boss; a ring preferably.)
The man took the bait. He nodded as he sipped more of his whiskey, "Oui, oui. C'est bien. Je veux acheter un ring aussi. Un de lapis lazuli. C'est tres magnifique!" He turned to Dazai and smiled (somewhat sleazily), "Je suis sur que la bague te conviendra."
(Yes, yes. That's good. I want to buy a ring as well. A lapis lazuli one. It's magnificient!; I'm sure the ring will suit you.)
Chuuya gave Dazai a careful look; this was definitely the man they were looking for. He looked wealthy enough, and he was clearly looking to buy the lapis lazuli ring. A few phrases of morse code tapped onto the table, and Dazai was immediately on his phone, looking through the registered bidders database he'd already hacked into; looking for details on Victor Hugo.
Meanwhile, they did keep the conversation going, Chuuya taking the lead, which was just perfect for his plan. After singing praises for the lapis lazuli ring for a few minutes, the Frenchman decided that he wanted to get serious about flirting with Dazai.
He murmured gracefully, "Tu es vraiment beau. Est-tu intéresse par moi?"
(You are really beautiful. Are you interested in me?)
Chuuya turned to his partner and cleared his throat, "He wants to know if you're interested in me. As in me, Chuuya."
The brunet looked up from his phone, his lips parting. He then shook his head before blushing furiously as he tried to explain, "It's not like that! I could never like a slug like him. We're definitely not like that, I assure you."
Chuuya turned to the man accompanying them and frowned, "Il dit que il n'est pas intéresse par toi. Desolée. Mais il aimerait continuer a parler!"
(He says he isn't interested in you. Sorry. But he'd like to keep talking!)
Victor sighed deeply, "C'est dommage. Je voulais aller a un rendez-vous"
(That's too bad. I wanted to go on a date.)
The translator turned to his partner and scoffed, "He says that you're probably lying, and that you should ask me out on a date."
Dazai blushed furiously as he turned to look at their fellow bidder; who continued to smile at him suggestively, certainly not appearing to be against Chuuya's translation. The mafioso blushed some more as he fiddled with his hands trying to explain that it really wasn't like that and that he had it all wrong. Chuuya and him were just work partners.
Of course, Chuuya ignored what he said completely as he turned to Victor, "Il n'a pas le temps pour un rendez-vous. Il est tres desolée."
(He doesn't have the time for a date. He's very sorry.)
The Frenchman then muttered something in his stupor, which not even Chuuya could comprehend fully. But oh well, that didn't matter anyway; it wasn't like he was actually going to translate or anything.
He looked at his partner again, "He's drunk so I can't really fully understand what he's saying, but it's something about him telling us more about the lapis lazuli ring if you tell him about your true feelings or whatever. Apparently he's a romance writer in his free time, and young love such as 'ours' interests him."
Dazai once again peeked at Frenchman to confirm his questions. Sure enough, Victor was looking at him with interested eyes, which once again didn't seem to oppose whatever Chuuya was saying. And as for the redhead, he glared at Dazai enough to urge him to do what Victor was saying. After all, more information about the ring they were looking to buy was definitely important!
Hence, Dazai glared right back at Chuuya with complaining eyes, but he went ahead and obliged anyway. His cheeks were burning red as he started to ramble, "Alright, fine! I'll tell you about my real feelings or whatever. Chuuya is just a stupid chibi who's too tiny to do anything useful! And while I definitely don't like him or anything, he's kind of cute, but that's not important at all, okay!
Anyway, he's well... Well, he's just Chuuya, you know! He's cute and kind and generous, and just a chibi person to be around, and I don't know, I might like him I guess? But I definitely don't love him or anything, he's too much of a dumb chibi for that, and I'll definitely not fall in love with little Slugs, or at least that's what I said but then my brain decided to go and develop stupid feelings and now I'm stuck being in love with a literal Chibi, and oh my god, is there never a cure for such a thing? It's almost like a disease because my heart does funny things and I can't swallow and my stomach feels weird too and-!"
It was at this point that Dazai realised what he'd just rambled in his slightly drunk, flustered stupor. His eyes widened dramatically when he fully comprehended everything he had just said, his hands clenching. He then wrinkled his nose before jumping out of his chair and all but running out of the hall. It was rather hilarious; Dazai really just stood up and ran for it.
Chuuya couldn't help but hold in his laughter as he shifted his eyes to the figure of a sleeping Victor Hugo. Apparently, the Frenchman had finally hit his alcohol tolerance and passed out right in front of the very people who were looking to take him out. In a different sense that what he'd intended with Dazai, definitely.
Chuuya was still trying to stop his laughter as he subtly pulled out a syringe from his pocket and jabbed it into the Frenchman's neck. It was nothing too serious; just a sedative that'd ensure the man to remain passed out for sixteen hours. The auction would be over by then, and Double Black would to manage to get their hands on the lapis lazuli ring. This was definitely the right man; Dazai had conveyed that via Morse code before he'd bolted.
Chuuya laughed some more as he thought about how his partner had run for it, as he made his way to the lobby of the hotel. The ball was being held in a hotel different to the resort they were staying at. Their resort was a little far away too, and they'd have to drive to it. Chuuya wasn't lying when he said that he was the designated driver.
Said driver found his slightly drunk, red-cheeked partner sitting outside the hotel, his back pressed against a pillar. His eyes widened as Chuuya offered his gloved hands to him, offering to pull him up from the ground, "Chuuya. I'm sorry I ran out like that; the mission-"
Chuuya cut him off as he helped him up, "I administered the sedative. Don't worry about it."
The redhead pulled his partner along to the car parks, where their rented Mercedes was waiting for them. Dazai mumbled as the other opened his door for him and put him on the passenger's sea, "Thank you."
The driver slid into his seat as well, before snorting, "Don't worry about it, idiot. Anyway, let's talk about how you're in love with me, Da-za-i."
The brunet buried his face in his hands and whined, "No way! Let's talk about how the stupid slug probably messed up the mission and administered some weird drug to the target instead!"
Chuuya ruffled the other's hair, "Don't sass me after you abandoned the mission, babe. Besides, I definitely gave him the proper sedative. I would've given him stronger if I could. Asking you on a date when I'm clearly there!"
Dazai looked at him with parted lips, "He asked me out on a date? You said he told me to ask you out!"
The redhead just offered the other a cheeky grin, "Oh, did I say that? I don't remember. Maybe I misheard him?"
Dazai whined as he lightly hit Chuuya in the arms, "Chuuya! You translated wrong on purpose! How could you do this to me?!"
Chuuya leaned forward and kissed the shell of this ear, "But you were so cute. Totally worth it."
The brunet whined some more, about how Chuuya was so rude and how he took advantage of an innocent man who simply did the crime of not knowing a language. He muttered, "I hate Chuuya."
The other mafioso tilted his head innocently in response, "Oh, is that so? But I clearly remember you saying that you're in love with me, and that your heart races and you can't breathe and-"
Dazai cut him off with a shrill cry, "Stop it! I didn't say any of that, You're imagining things."
Chuuya made a show of pulling out his phone from his pocket, "Are you are? Because I clearly remember recording it too."
Dazai gasped dramatically this time, "Chuuya!"
The redhead snorted as he leaned forward and kissed him, "Alright, I'll stop. I'm in love with you too, dork."
The brunet turned up his nose and sniffled, "Of course you do. Anyway! What was he even saying to me for so long? I bet you translated everything wrong."
Chuuya's lips pressed into a thin line, "He wouldn't shut the fuck up about how you're so pretty and how he wants to take you on a date. Like hello? I know he's pretty; he's my fucking boyfriend. Rendez-vous, my ass. I'll rendez-kill him, damn it!"
Dazai burst out laughing at the last sentence. He giggled some more after too, fully blaming it on his drunkenness. He scuttled over to wrap his arms around his partner, "Chuuya is just a jealous little chibi."
Chuuya complained as he finally turned on the car engine, "Shut up. So rude. Anyway, get off me, shitty Dazai. We have to get to our hotel and you have to sleep off your drunkenness before the auction tomorrow."
Because he was drunk and his mind was clouded, Dazai obediently moved back over to his seat instead of clinging tighter. However, he did let his hand drop and intertwine with one of his partner's hands. Chuuya scoffed at him and called him a sap, but he didn't retrieve his hand and let it remain anyway.
Disgusting dorks, both of them.
The next day, they successfully managed to buy the lapis lazuli ring. Well, at least their boss'... Ability (?) would be happy. On their train ride back to Yokohama, Dazai gave himself a very important task. Because he was a psychopath genius with a ridiculous memory, he typed in all the conversations between his partner and a certain Frenchman at the ball, into Google Translate.
He called Chuuya a mean bully for teasing him like that several times, but he shut up immediately when Chuuya gave him a certain look. Dazai may not be well-versed in French, but he was definitely well-versed in understanding every single one of Chuuya's expressions.
As for this particular expression; it was one of a man who had the recording of Dazai's disgusting drunk confession, and wasn't afraid of using it against him.
C'etait vraiment de la haine.
(It was true hate indeed)