Chapter Text
The thud of the doors closing rang through the main hall of the Chantry, echoing in the alcoves and ringing in his ears. He instantly focused on the Herald, her eyes darting frantically around, making sure everyone was accounted for before taking a moment to talk to the Tevinter mage, grabbing his forearm in thanks with a small, weary smile. It quickly dropped when she noticed the Chancellor laying on the chaise nearby, breathing heavily. She went to him, dropping to her haunches to speak in low tones with him, the Tevinter once again right there with her, a hand on Roderick's arm, the other on Evelyn's back, steadying her. The strange boy that had brought Roderick in was also saying strange things about an Elder One, and how Evelyn "stole his mages". Cullen shook off a brief flash of annoyance at this, the frown on his face cutting deeper as he stared once more at that hand on her back. He sighed, now was not the time for his - could he even call them feelings? He barely knew her- to get in the way of the current circumstances. It was very unlikely they were going to survive the dragon attack as it was, and the Herald could surround herself with whomever she saw fit. Not that any of them had much time left.
Speaking of which, he cleared his throat, taking a step toward her.
"Herald, our position is not good, that dragon stole back any time you may have earned us," his tone was grave as he spoke, looking at her face for any sign of a plan she might have cooked up. She was good at that, he had noticed, spontaneous and thoughtful under the worst of situations.
The strange boy spoke, "I've seen an Archdemon. I was in the Fade, but it looked like that."
A cold spike of dread went through Cullen, his voice coming out harsh and quick, "I don't care what it looks like, it has cut a path for that army. They'll kill everyone in Haven!" At this last part, he looked back to the Herald. Her eyes were hard, but he could see the sorrow and fear behind them. Sometimes it was easy to forget that she was just a human, like the rest of them. And she was young, fresh out of the Circle Tower at Ostwick. He could barely imagine having to do what she now had to. At that age, he was just starting his work at the Kinloch Hold before the Blight.
The Herald, for her part, did her best to remain calm and focused as she stared back at Cullen in thought. She looked like she was about to say something when-
"The Elder One doesn't want the village. He only wants the Herald."
"If it will save these people, he can have me. But why?" Cullen looked at her, turning his head sharply as she kept her eyes trained on the boy - Cole. His heart thudded loudly in his ears.
"It won't matter. He will kill you, kill them. Crush them. Make them bleed. I don't like them."
"You don't like-" Cullen stopped,
turning back to Evelyn, knowing this was a waste of their precious time. "Herald. There are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchet, cause one last slide…" Even as he spoke he knew this meant sending her back out into danger, because she would insist it be her. But what else could they do?
"We're overrun. To hit the enemy, we'd bury Haven…" He could tell she tried to keep the horror out of her voice, but she couldn't hide it on her face, in her wide, warm brown eyes. He stared into them, knowing where her mind was going before she even said it.
He hated to have to say this to her. To strip away whatever hope she still held that this would work out. But he said it anyway, "We will die," he watched the remaining light die in her eyes, and he longed to bring back that spark that drew him to her in the first place, that first day they met on the battlefield. He continued, "but we get to choose how. Many don't get that choice."
Like he had hoped, his statement relit a small flame behind her eyes, determination clear in the set of her jaw as Roderick said something to her just a moment after, though he couldn't hear it through the roaring in his ears. She wouldn't. Except of course she would. Please, no. His heart dropped at her next words, though he knew, he knew -
"Chancellor Roderick knows of a path to get everyone out. Cullen, will it work?"
He spoke softly, gauging his next words carefully, eyebrows raised in question, "Possibly, if he shows us the path… but what of your escape?"
He was met with silence, her eyes tearing from his as she turned her back to him, head down in resignation. Something cold and heavy gripped his chest, his brows lowered in realization. He tried to make his next words sound hopeful and light. Anything to help her possibly survive. She had to. They needed her to come back to them. He needed her to come back to him.
"Perhaps you will surprise it…find a way…" he trailed off.
His eyes trained on her back, willing her to look back at him, he needed to see her eyes one last time. To look upon her face, doe-eyed, a freckled nose and rosy cheeks from the sun from her frequent trips to the Hinterlands. Her dimpled smile that she shot him in the training yard as she dismounted the horse that she was so proud to have brought back, her honeyed hair falling out of the braid draped over her shoulder, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. Her eyes blazing with indignant fire and gripping her staff tighter when he said those callous, stupid things to her after she brought the mages back from Redcliff. Her teasing when he had gotten over himself later that she would never let him live it down, even as she placed a concerned hand on his arm after learning just why he was so apprehensive and frankly, scared over it all. He wanted her to look at him. Please. Maker, please let her look at me one last time.
She didn't.
He breathed out and turned to the crowd gathered, calling out, "Inquisition! Follow Chancellor Roderick through the Chantry. Move!" With that, everyone began to make a path for the Chancellor, who had moved aside with Cole's help to speak to the Herald. Cullen just caught their short one-sided conversation.
"... If you are meant for this, if the Inquisition is meant for this… I pray for you." The Herald nodded once, and Roderick and Cole moved past her. Cullen walked up to her once more as soldiers ran past them.
She still didn't turn.
"They'll load the trebuchets, " he pointed to the soldiers now going out the chantry doors, "keep the Elder One's attention until we're above the treeline. " She nodded, moving to begin her path out the doors. He made one last attempt to help her, and his heart ached, "If we are to have a chance - if you are to have a chance… let that thing hear you." His voice did not waver at the end, though his resolve was threatening to break every moment he stood by watching her go.He should be helping her. What good was he as commander of the Inquisition's forces if he couldn't help their one chance at saving their world? The one person who had made this all possible?
He took a step in her direction, before hearing the people in back of him. A woman and her child as the child gripped her mother's skirts, scared to go through the path. He turned to reassure her, the mother looking at him thankfully. He kept going to usher them through the doorway, the last of the group to leave. He would bring up the rear.
"Cullen!"
He startled, turning immediately at her voice, ringing clear and confident in the almost empty hall, the clanging of weapons clashing just outside. His heart leapt into his throat at the smile she gave him as she gripped the door, halfway out, turning back to him, "Be careful. Promise me."
He put his hand over his heart, giving her a crooked smile in return. He hoped she could hear the sincerity in his voice. "I promise. You do the same… Evelyn." He had never called her by her name, though she always insisted upon using everyone's names rather than their titles. Her eyes widened, and he thought she might've blushed but she was gone too soon for him to see, and he realized too late that she hadn't given him any kind of reassurance on her safety. He could only hope that she would make it. She had to.
With one last glance at the door, now shut, he turned and hurried after what remained of the Inquisition.