Chapter Text
He wasn’t sure just how old he was. Maybe five or six. It was the end of the week and Aunt Beru was making her weekly trip to the market. And since Luke had been good and his birthday was almost there, he got to accompany her. She held his hand tight as they walked through the market. Stopping at various stalls and shops. Luke didn’t want to look at food all day. It’s not very often he got to come into town and there was just so much to see. He craned his neck to see what the market had to offer a young boy. There were some kids over to his right looking at what he assumed was some expensive toy his Aunt and Uncle would say no to. But as he scanned his eyes across to other stalls, he saw it.
It was a strange looking stuffed doll. Cheerful half circle eyes with a happy little triangle mouth. The only other colours that doll had (other than black) was a little sewn panel with colourful rectangles. Stumpy little legs, and the one arm raised up as if it were greeting him. Luke felt like it was looking at him. The stall had other, stranger, toys. But that doll was calling him. His eyes never wavered. Luke knew he needed that doll. He gripped his Aunt’s hand a bit harder, tugging on it a little.
“Aunt Beru! Look! Look! Do you see it?” Luke pointed over at the doll, bouncing with excitment. Beru had finished paying for the herds she was buying when she turned to look at whatever it was that got her nephew excited about now. Not that it took much to get him going.
“Okay yes Luke, what is it?” She leaned down closer to him and looked in the direction he was pointing. He tugged on her hand again and began to lead her towards a stall.
“Oh Aunty Beru! Can I get it? Please please pleeease?! I did all my chores and it’s my birthday!” Luke pleaded. She looked at the doll closely now that they were in front of the store. It looked familiar. Like that man she’d seen on the holo. Heard stories about him, scary things. Why would anyone want to make a doll out of that person? She thought maybe it was some propaganda, to make joining the academy more appealing to children. But if so, wouldn't the Empire make something a bit nicer? Probably a bootleg. And seeing as this is Tatooine… yeah.
“You boy has good taste!” the shop keeper said, who sounded like he should really clear his throat. Beru had never seen this stall before. Nor had she ever seen this shopkeep. Kinda creepy with the full hood and long unkempt fingernails. Luke beamed at the compliment that was actually a sales tactic. “And for such a bright child, I will give you a discount.”
The doll was hardly expensive. With a good harvest this year, the Larses could afford to buy Luke a much nicer birthday gift. It was just that the doll was weird. Her nephew couldn’t have wanted a new hover bike or a miniature ship? She looked back down at Luke. He stared back up at her with those big blue eyes. She knew she would never talk him out of it. Aunt Beru handed the money over to the shopkeeper. Luke looked like he was ready to explode with joy.
“THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!” Luke yelled without pausing as he clutched his new friend to his chest. They returned to the speeder, Luke practically bouncing the whole way.
Ben kept his distance from the Lars moisture farm. Owen made it quite clear he wanted him to have nothing to do with young Luke. Something about weaponizing his nephew to defeat an evil empire. Kenobi was almost offended. The Jedi were keepers of peace, not weapons. At least that was before … Enough about that. He needed to speak to Owen about something. In the five years he had spent on this Force forsaken plant (he understood his former apprentices dislike of sand now), Ben didn’t think he’d encounter something that would make his hair turn any lighter than the binary suns. You see on his way back to his hut in the mountains, he always made a point to pass the moisture farm. He may not be welcome on the property but no one said he couldn’t walk by. A few days ago on his way home from his latest trip into town he saw little Luke playing just outside the front door of the homestead. Boy was only five and already looked so much like his father. Ben wondered if Luke enjoyed flying as much as Anakin did. Off topic. He saw Luke playing with a strange toy. Must have lingered too long as Luke saw him.
“Hiya Ben!” Luke yelled while frantically waving his free arm. For someone so small, he sure could run fast. He ran to Ben. Never letting go of the toy he held in his other hand. “Ben! Ben! Look what Aunt Beru got me!”
Now that he was closer, he could see what exactly Luke was playing with. For a moment his blood ran cold. What? He was sure he told Owen and Beru about Vader. How important it was to keep Luke away from him. But he was Luke holding a doll in the likeness of ‘him’. Although it was crude. And just how did they manage to make it smile? Ben leaned down closer to Luke.
“Why, that's very nice Luke.” he smiled gently so as to not cause alarm to the boy. “My boy. Is your Uncle in? I would like to speak to him.”
“He’s in the shop. What’cha need to talk to him about?” Luke said as he swung his arms and the doll Vader about.
“Oh nothing interesting, just grown up things.” Ben replied, somewhat watching the doll as if it were going to materialize into the real thing. Probably would have been the most excitement he’d seen in years.
“Hey Ben what’sa horse?” Luke said as he led him back to the homestead.
“I’m sorry?”
“Horse. That’s what my friend says.” Luke held up the doll. Children are strange, Ben thought. Vader, his friend. Though now he was a bit frightened. A doll made in the likeness of Darth Vader. That speaks to this young boy. Could it be a clever ploy to get to Luke? A Sith trick to gain the boy’s trust. Luke then pressed the chest plate on the doll
“Use the horse” said the doll poorly in a high pitched voice. Okay. Maybe it wasn’t a Sith trick. Ben chuckled. If only his old friend knew someone was making bootleg merchandise of him. Perhaps the suns were making him paranoid.
“I’m not sure young one. Probably some gibberish.” Ben knew what it was trying to say. But now he too wondered what a horse was.
“Okay. UNCLE OWEN! HEY UNCLE OWEN OLD BEN WANTS TO TALK TO YOOOU!” Old? He wasn’t old. Okay so maybe forty-three seemed old to a five year old. Or was this just more of Anakin in this boy? He didn’t have much time to linger on the thought as Owen emerged from the shop. Looking just as grumpy as he usually did.
“What do you want, Kenobi?” Owen said, wiping the engine grease on his hands off on an old rag.
“Uncle, Ben doesn’t know what a horse is! You said old people know things!”
“Luke go inside and help your Aunt.” Owen tried to rush the boy away from the desert hermit. “Said we’re having boiled tubers for dinner.”
“Boiled tubers?! I fucking hate tubers!” Ben’s eyes widened. Wasn’t allowed to teach the boy the basics of the Force but he spoke with such vulgar language?
“L-luke! What did we say about that language?!” Owens' face turned red.
“But you said it first!” Luke stamped his foot on the ground.
“Just go inside we’ll talk about it later!” And with that Luke turned heel and sulked his way back into the house. Owen cleared his throat. “So uh- Kenobi, what can I do for you?”
“Owen that doll…” Ben started looking back at where Luke had been standing.
“Creepy thing ain’t it? Keeps sayin’ something about ‘horse’, whatever that’s supposed to be.” He shook his head. “Tried to get the boy something else. Nope, couldn’t even get him to part with the thing for something more expensive. Boy has his heart set on that thing.”
“You know who that doll is supposed to be right?” Ben looked at Owen seriously. “You know he’s-”
“Yeah I know. But I’m not in the business of breaking that boys heart over some toy.” Owen shut down the conversation before Ben could get anywhere. “Now, get off my lawn.”
Lawn? What lawn? If Lars considered this sand a lawn, then the whole planet was a rolling meadow. Ben made his way back to his hut in the mountains, making plans to go back into town to see if he could find just where Luke had gotten that doll. He remembered when he first took Anakin as his Padewan. They had run out of tea and he had taken the boy with him to the only market on Coruscant that sold that particular blend. He should have known Anakin would have been all over the place. Seriously considered putting a leash on him. Ben wondered if Luke was the same way. Vibrating with such excitement and enthusiasm.
The next day he made his way to town. Surely someone would know of a merchant selling bootleg dolls of the Emperor's right hand. But his search was fruitless as no one in town had ever seen/remembered such a stall selling that doll.
Before Luke left with Ben, he had packed a small rucksack of things. Clothes mostly. Some old holos of himself, Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen. And for some reason, the doll.
Luke had no reason to take it. He was nineteen after all and didn’t need to be taking a childhood toy around with him. Not when he was going off to help save a Princess. The fabric was worn. Tears sewn shut by his late Aunt. It was odd looking but still had that cheery look on its face. The voice box had long since broken and he never found out what a horse was. He had stopped taking it everywhere he went years ago. But could never bring himself to part with it. He packed it at the bottom of his bag all the same. A small bit of nostalgia that comforted him.
And there it sat at the bottom of his bag. Leia was saved. The Death Star blown up by yours truly. It was there when he heard Ben’s voice on Hoth. And it was there when Master Yoda made him carry him around the swamps of Dagobah. It wasn’t until Luke was digging around his old bag looking for a spare glove. He held it in his hands. The friendly smile seemed different after Bespin. How odd it was that THIS was his favourite toy as a child. The one that comforted him during bad sandstorms. Or when he felt lonely and thought about his parents. How ironic. That a bootleg doll of Darth Vader, was a bootleg doll of his father. He wondered if Vader knew these sorts of things existed. What would he think if he knew his son had a doll of him all these years?
He should get rid of it. Vader was a monster. But he was his father. Why couldn’t he be the kind of person Luke had imagined him to be? It was silly, but he wished the real Vader looked at him like the doll version did. Luke tried to blink back tears. He held the doll to his chest like he had a hundred times before.
“Why did you have to be Vader?” Luke said softly, tears now freely running down his face. A sudden chill ran down his spine.
“I’m sorry”
Luke froze. It was like Bespin after Leia and Lando saved him. He heard his fathers voice so clearly in his mind.
“I’m so sorry Luke.”
Luke clutched the doll tighter. Giving up on finding the glove, he curled up in his bunk. Not really caring if anyone found him sleeping with a very well worn doll of Darth Vader.
“Goodnight Father.” Luke said as he drifted off to sleep. He swore he could almost hear the monotonous breathing from Vader respirator.
He would later realize the doll was saying ‘use the Force’ and not horse.