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Marinette is a very troubled sleeper. She kicks and squirms in her bed, and doesn't bother trying to fall into deep sleep anymore, ever since she began to get used to being woken up by random explosions by akumas.
That fateful night, she came home feeling both heavy and light; heavy from watching a blue eyed lonely, yet terrifyingly destructive image of the lively, kind and loud Chat Noir she knew, light from seeing the real him again, light with the relief that she fixed things.
That night she doesn't go to bed peacefully. She didn't think she'd be able to sleep. Not after what she saw.
Like a lulling bit of mead, sleep takes over her, but it isn't a nightmare.
She has dreams about a boy saying sweet things to her, complimenting her, being in awe of the awesome things she does.
The next night, they are both sitting on a picnic blanket, and they're laughing and talking for hours.
And so it continued. Sometimes they'd do nothing. Other times she'd vaguely remember feeling like she won a national level tournament every time she woke up. That's what being with him felt like.
She never remembers his face, or his name, but his voice is achingly familiar and she replays all the lovely things he says to her in her head.
She's privately surprised she hasn't had any nightmares about what she witnessed with Chat but she isn't complaining.
Everytime she feels down about a project she's sewing, like maybe the color isn't right, or the stitches went wrong, or maybe she's in one of her art slumps and feels worthless, she remembers how the boy in her dream told her how he loves that she never gives up on the things she's passionate about.
Maybe another time when an akumatised battle is won but she leaves feeling even more hopeless as a hero and guardian, she remembers playing with the kwamis with her dream boy and feeling lighter.
For plenty of weeks, this sustains her. The stress of having a boyfriend, a social life, being a superhero and a guardian gets to her and she looks forward to the little bit of sleep she does get, because it means she'll see that boy again.
She feels a bit guilty about it, having these thoughts when she's dating Luka. But it really doesn't count, right? What did it matter if Marinette had an encouraging voice that sung to her in her sleep? It was all in her head anyway, no one had to know. He wasn't even someone who she knew outside of her dreams, and besides, it's not like he ever told her he loved her or something.
But then, she and Luka weren't a thing anymore. It quietly crushed her soul to see the hurt look on Luka's understanding features every single time. Luka was wonderful. He treated her right. He was patient with her endless escaping and secret keeping. She felt absolutely horrible to do that to him, breaking up without even telling him why.
That night, she was in for a surprise, because the soft spoken boy of her dreams told her very, very passionately that it wasn't in her to ever intentionally hurt someone. It wasn't like she could help being called away to be a hero. She didn't want to hurt her ex-boyfriend.
And Luka definitely couldn't know the truth, Marinette sadly reasoned to him. No one could.
He then took her hand, and held it to his heart, and softly told her that she wasn't alone, and didn't have to be.
It was his words that echoed in her head when Alya hugged her tightly the next day. It was out. Her best friend knew. She wasn't alone anymore.
The next time she saw Adrien after hearing about his and Kagami's breakup, it was after she had rushed just in time back to the bakery, detransforming after a particularly grueling akuma. He was running into the bakery,looking flushed and more handsome than ever. He was in a fine casual suit, and she could tell his round face was patted on with makeup.
Her father roared with delight at the sight of the young man, and scooped the freshest of croissants out of the oven to offer to him before Marinette could get him to slow down. It was then that she noticed he looked downright exhausted, and to her surprise, a little frightened.
He greets them, with all the politeness of a distinguished gentleman, and then requests in a small voice if he could hide in their home, just for a half hour, for he was being chased by adoring yet invasive fans, while he was in the middle of a photoshoot.
Marinette managed to get her face unstuck to promptly say yes, and welcome him inside, but her parents beat her to it.
She sat there, mending a cuff on Adrien’s coat that he had accidentally torn while her parents fed him one of every pastry they had that day, complaining loudly about privacy and the need for a wonderful kid like Adrien to have a normal, balanced life.
Throughout it all, Adrien kept his eyes on her a lot. Marinette had to fight herself to not get pulled into the masses of green, but her heart got the better of her. She saw Adrien dare to peek at her parents' loving gazes and quickly look down, embarrassed at even being given food and some basic decency. Every now and then, they'd lock eyes and smile, and Marinette's heart would flutter.
She offered him her condolences about him and Kagami later, when he was about to leave. He shrugged, and her heart sank at how...defeated he looked. It's alright, he says, it couldn't be helped. He hopes she's alright, Marinette assures him that she is.
She wasn't the only one to learn about heartbreak, though. Adrien asks her if she's alright, and she must have looked confused, because he told her Nino told him about her and Luka.
Oh. That. Marinette smiles weakly. She's fine, she says. She really is. But her face must have betrayed her, because the next thing she knew, it was wet and pressed against Adrien’s shoulder as she cried and cried and cried. And he held her through it all, not saying a single word but just letting her get her feelings out.
Then, he tells her that she's not alone, and doesn't have to be.
You know the way a bell shudders when you bang it really hard? That was how Marinette felt at that moment, and all throughout dinner, and patrol with Chat. She idly considered ringing his bell to confirm her theory, but recoiled at the harsh memory of an akuma flying out of it.
That night, in her bed, she saw the boy again. She was delighted. All this while, she had been dreaming of Adrien! He was the voice in her head, he was the boy of her dreams.
The next morning, she was disappointed, because try as she might, Adrien's face didn't slide perfectly onto her nameless boy's face like it should have. She tried and tried and wrung out her imagination, but it didn't work. Adrien refused to fit into the slot her dream boy had occupied.
Tikki told her not to worry about it too much. It shouldn't have to change her feelings for Adrien, right? Dreams are just dreams. Not reality.
It took her a while, but Marinette contented herself with the wonderful experiences she shared with him. Maybe he could exist separately from Adrien.
Sometimes, her dream boy said, he worries if she’ll forget him. Maybe one day, she’d grow up, decide to embark a new life and leave him behind.
That was absurd to Marinette’s ears. Slowly, but surely, he had become Marinette’s lifeline. She didn’t think it had to be romantic, but it was true. He was the only thing keeping her sane. He was keeping her from running to Master Su han, giving him the box and decide that she was done with it all. She told him all this as she rested her head on his shoulder, and was comforted by his arm around her, protecting her from the world she’d have to face once she woke up.
Marinette swung over to Chat Noir, the feeling of dread accumulating. She was sure he’d be livid, he’d be angry. He was going to yell at her for giving away her miraculous to someone who was a stranger to him and not even informing him of the fact. And she was ready to take everything he was going to throw her. She deserved it for everything she had kept from him.
To her surprise, all he had to say was how scared he too was, that she’d disappear and leave him. He didn’t think he could handle that. There was not a single trace of anger, or disappointment, just pure, pure sadness.
And this time, their voices mingled. The same despondent, soft spoken yet passionate guy in her dreams was sitting right in front of her. He was the one speaking to her every night, and unlike with Adrien, it fit.
This moment wasn’t about her, though. It was about her chaton, her best friend, her partner who never failed to be by her side, who had her back when it was against a wall, and he was hurting. She took his hand, firmly squeezed it, and gave him the same solemn vow she had given him in her dreams. She would never dream of leaving him behind.
Marinette sucked in a heavy breath that night. She didn’t know how to approach this. Adrien? Adrien was easy, she knew how she felt about him, and therefore, how she felt about the possibility of him appearing in her dreams.
But Chat Noir? Just a few weeks ago he had promised, on her request that he would tone down his romantic pursuit of her, which she knew even at the moment of the request was nothing but sincere. And now he was appearing in her dreams?
Maybe it made sense. The boy had become a dear companion to her in her dreams, and wasn’t that what Chat Noir was too? Why was her heart cracking in two?
She slept a dreamless sleep that night.
She looked up at the sky after watching Vesperia leave after giving her back the bee miraculous. Chat Noir had failed to turn up to battle that day. Later when he came running over to her during patrol, profusely apologizing, she gently told him not to worry. She couldn’t know why, but she knew what it was like to struggle to get away from her civilian life.
Chat came even later to battles, sometimes appearing at the last minute for a quick Cataclysm before leaving. He didn’t stop to even glance at her. He said a word in acknowledgement to all the heroes she had called because he wasn’t there to make the job easier and left. She couldn’t remember the last time they had bumped their fists.
Marinette decided she should be understanding. Chat looked frazzled and sad and quiet. Maybe something important had to happened to him as a civilian. Maybe he’s studying for an exam. Maybe he got fired from his job. Maybe....maybe he lost someone...
She didn’t want to pry and twist the knife in further. He’d tell her if he wanted to, and she was going to let him have that freedom. She couldn’t do much to lighten his load, but atleast she could lessen his work in fights. Maybe he wouldn’t feel so stressed then. That was what she would have wanted when she was in his position.
And as for her dreams, they continued. She couldn’t put a face to him, but she could put his and Chat Noir’s voice together...after she woke up. It was fine, she had gotten this far. She had come a long way from being the confused girl with a powerful box full of cosmic beings, both as a hero and a guardian. She was fine.
Tikki quietly wondered one day if she was depending on her dreams too much to distract herself. Marinette had laughed at that. Her lovely friend in her dreams was an incredible distraction, and that didn’t have to be a bad thing. She loved the way he stroked her hair to calm her down, she loved the way he talked, she loved the things he talked, she loved being with him. Why did she have to control the one thing in her life that didn’t cause her so much stress?
She is Ladybug and she is fighting an akuma made out of fire. It burns and ravages all of Paris, and Ladybug’s throat is scratchy and painful from watching so many of her loved ones caught in buildings, writhing into lifelessness.
The akuma takes a huge blow at her, and the heat is too much to bear, even though it hasn’t touched her yet. She hears a blazing yell, and someone is flung against the nearest building with a sickening crunch.
She screams with even more anguish than what was considered humanly possible. It was Adrien. He had thrown himself in front of her and taken the hit meant for her. Her legs give out in front of his body, she picks him up and gingerly holds his head to her chest. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t be dead. She loved him, he couldn’t leave her, not like this.
The next thing she screams is Chat Noir’s name, loudly, ferociously, defeatedly. She wanted him next to her, she wanted to be held by him, she wanted him to take her away from all this, she wanted him to hold her face and cry with her, but he was nowhere. He hadn’t shown up. He wasn’t there, she was all alone.
She heard her name. Someone was calling her, it was barely a whisper. It was him, the boy in her arms. He wasn’t dead. He hadn’t left her. But now, he wasn’t Adrien, he wasn’t Chat Noir. He was the boy who she had lovingly memorised and held close like a secret. He loved her, he said, in a painful whisper. Marinette’s voice was nearly gone, but she whispered that she loved him too.
Look at what their love had done, he said, and Marinette blinked in confusion. Where had she heard that before?
His piercing blue eyes stared into her soul, and suddenly he was white. Everything was white. The fire was gone, they were on top of the building and he was directing his hand over to her throat sinisterly with a loving grin on his face.
Marinette woke up in her father’s lap to her mother’s tearful face. She had been having a nightmare, they explained. She had been screaming and thrashing for hours before they could wake her up.
Marinette couldn’t take it anymore. She wept and wept and wept and her parents held her, whispering over her head about tea and a fever. The boy who had crept up to her and stolen her heart in her dreams wasn’t her sweet Adrien or her brave Chat Noir. It was him, it was Chat Blanc.
And maybe when she yells at Chat Noir to leave her alone and stop wasting her time, he was part of the reason. She was angry with him. Angry that he still had the audacity to look so hurt when he was the one not showing up when she needed him. Angry that he wouldn’t tell her why he was pulling away. Angry about them not working out as a couple in that other life. Maybe if they had (and she can’t imagine why they hadn’t), she wouldn’t be haunted by Chat Blanc.
All she returns to is his ring, tossed upside down and abandoned on that rooftop. Since that very first night, Marinette had wanted her dreams to come true. And now, it had. Just like she wanted.
She holds a distraught Plagg to her chest and wails in despair.