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viii.
“Kaeya, wait!”
Diluc’s cries fall on seemingly deaf ears as Kaeya rushes ahead of him, unhindered by the thick bramble and twisting paths of Wolvendom.
“Hurry up, slowpoke!” Kaeya turns his head and throws a mischievous grin his way.
Though Diluc still has him beat in strength and size, his new brother has proven himself to be dangerously quick – fast enough to outrun him, the maids, their father, anyone who might try and interfere with whatever mischief he gets up to.
He growls in irritation, bracing his knees as Kaeya disappears into the greenery once more, followed by the soft ringing of lamp grass. A tiny part of him wants to be childish, run back home and just tell Father that Kaeya was causing trouble.
A soft exhale leaves him. Of course he can’t do that. He’s Kaeya’s big brother now, so he can’t let him get hurt. That’s his job.
What kind of knight would abandon their own brother?
Wiping the sweat from his brow, he clambers up sheer cliff after sheer cliff, avoiding the hilichurl camps dotted around the land. If he wants to catch up to Kaeya as soon as possible he can’t let himself get distracted. Taking the high ground will make it easier to spot him, too.
It feels like ages before he finally reaches… an arena?
A huge expanse of stone, intricately carved and icy cold despite the warm spring day. His mouth hangs open in awe as he takes in the view.
He almost forgets–
“Kaeya!” he calls out, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting as loud as his eight-year-old lungs will allow.
Carefully, he approaches the stone-paved edge, gulping at the long drop. He calls out again, willing his heartbeat to remain steady as the sound echoes around the empty arena. He crouches by the edge and squints until he spots a small figure near the wall.
As fast as he can, he scrambles down the wall, leaping towards the ground where his little brother is curled up on his side, shaking.
“Kae, are you okay?”
His brother does nothing but shake more, curling up tighter into himself. Diluc grabs his shoulders and pulls him into a sitting position, resting against the wall. He stays kneeling in front of his brother. Kaeya brings his knees towards himself and buries his face in them, hugging himself tightly.
“Kae–”
“I’m sorry…”
Diluc shakes his head. “Are you hurt anywhere?”
It looks like Kaeya is about to shake his head, before thinking better of it and patting his knee gingerly. Diluc prods at it and winces when Kaeya whines pitifully.
“It’s okay, Kae. I can carry you back, it’ll be fine!” He does his best to smile for his brother, but Kaeya isn’t looking. His heart aches at the thought of Kaeya in pain, and it hurts even more that he won’t say it out loud.
Suddenly an idea crosses his mind – what is it that the maids do when he gets hurt?
He pries his brother’s hands away from his knee and presses his lips softly against the bruised skin. “There, all better!”
Kaeya lifts his head to look at Diluc with a sceptically raised eyebrow. “That didn’t do anything.”
Diluc splutters. “I– of course it did! Adelinde says you can kiss anything better! It works every time!”
Kaeya snorts. “Yeah, maybe ’cause it only works when Addie does it.” He laughs again as Diluc’s face turns redder than his hair and he starts protesting.
“Fine then! I’ll go get Adelinde and you can stay right here by yourself!” Diluc crosses his arms and huffs, pointedly looking away from his brother.
“You wouldn’t do that. Father would tell you off.”
Diluc tries to hold his indifferent pose, but relents with a whine. “Whatever. Just hurry up and get on my back, okay?”
With some effort, Diluc manages to lift Kaeya, who is still far too easy to carry – not that he’s complaining, for now. Kaeya wraps his arms loosely around Diluc’s neck and buries his head in the crook of it, nestling against the fiery locks.
“Sorry about all this,” comes a muffled sound as the sun is setting and they’re about halfway home.
“You could’ve avoided ‘all this’ if you’d just listened to me instead of running off, you know.”
He can practically hear the smirk in his brother’s voice. “You’re just boring. And slow. No wonder you like turtles.”
“I could drop you right now.”
“You won’t.”
“Look, next time, just don’t run off without me, okay? You don’t have to do everything alone.”
Kaeya says nothing, but his grip on Diluc tightens ever so slightly.
xi.
Kaeya is burning, and Diluc can do nothing. He tries to use his newly acquired Vision to pull back the flames, to save his brother, end the screams, but it just keeps going, the fire dancing higher and higher until it’s all he can see and Kaeya has disappeared completely–
He wakes with a strangled cry. His hand flies to his chest, where his Vision hangs from a pendant, glowing warmly as if nothing is wrong. Panic overtakes him and he flings the Vision away, watching wide-eyed as it clatters against the hard floor.
His heart is still racing. He can see the flames in his mind’s eye, crawling up the walls and burning through the shadows. He takes one shaky breath, then another, all the while clutching at the tangled sheets below him, desperately trying to ground himself.
Just when he thinks his heart is back to its normal pace, a muted cry pierces through the endless noise in his mind. A familiar, helpless cry–
Kaeya.
There’s no time to waste. He rushes out of his room and into Kaeya’s next door without bothering to knock.
Diluc is greeted by the sight of Kaeya looking just as he himself probably had a few minutes ago. There’s a haunted look in his visible eye, wide and empty and staring at nothing at all. Kaeya’s small hands have turned white from how hard they’re gripping the sheets, and his body is trembling. His breathing is heart-wrenchingly desperate.
He rushes over to his brother, climbing into the bed and wrapping his arms around him. Kaeya freezes up.
“It’s okay, Kae. It’s me, Diluc. You’re okay.”
Diluc tucks Kaeya’s head under his chin and tightens the hug, rocking him gently back and forth. It takes a few moments for Kaeya to return the hug, but his arms are shaking and weak.
“Diluc…”
“Shh, don’t worry. Everything’s fine. It was just a nightmare.”
Kaeya nods hesitantly into his chest.
“Do you… want to talk about it?”
Kaeya’s head shakes vigorously.
“Alright then.” He pulls away from Kaeya and gets off the bed, pushing his brother down gently until his head meets the pillow, drawing the blanket back over his shivering form. “Get some rest, Kae–”
He’s about to leave when Kaeya’s hand shoots out from under the blanket and latches onto his wrist.
“Can– can you stay? Just until I fall asleep or something?” His voice is meek, pleading.
How could he ever say no to a face like that? Kaeya’s lips are trembling and even in the darkness, Diluc can see his eye shining with unshed tears, blinking rapidly. He tries to smile back, pushing away thoughts of fires he can’t tame.
Without another word, he climbs into the bed and drapes an arm over Kaeya, wrapping it around the back of his head and tugging him closer. Kaeya goes along with it and snuggles against him, embracing the warmth.
“Sorry for waking you, Luc.”
“I was already awake. Don’t worry about it.”
Kaeya raises his head to look up at Diluc, but he keeps his eyes fixed on the wall behind him, not wanting Kaeya to see his weakness.
“You had a nightmare too?”
Diluc smiles. Of course Kaeya would figure it out. He can’t hide anything from his little brother.
“Yeah, but like I said, don’t worry about it.”
Kaeya’s eye is looking back at him with surprising intensity. Diluc brushes a handful of blue locks away from Kaeya’s forehead, tucking them lightly behind his ear – then he plants a soft kiss there and relishes the way the tension drains from both of their bodies at the touch.
“Go to sleep, Kae. I’ll keep the nightmares away for both of us.”
xiv.
“I’m so proud of you, son.”
Father’s smile is as bright as the dawn and it makes Diluc’s heart swell, knowing he’s the one that put it there. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make sure Father can smile like that always and forever.
The smile turns into a hearty laugh as Father ruffles his hair, blatantly ignoring his cries of protest. Right beside him, Kaeya makes no move to hide his amusement at the scene.
“Father, you’re going to ruin all of Addie’s hard work,” he says, trying and failing to swat his father’s hand away, shooting a half-hearted glare when Kaeya’s smirk grows into full-fledged laughter.
None of them understand how merciless Adelinde can be with nothing but a brush and a mirror. He shudders internally at the memory of that morning.
“Oh please, as if you wouldn’t have somehow found a way to ruin it yourself. Even Adelinde can’t tame it forever,” Kaeya says, hiding a laugh in his hand.
“Just because you’re jealous–”
“What do I have to be jealous of? I like my hair the way it is. At least I don’t look like an overgrown tomato–”
Crepus clamps his hands down on their heads, and they both stop arguing to look up at him.
“Now, now, boys, no arguing. Today’s a special day, so let’s not have any fighting, hm?” He chuckles as they mumble an apology.
With no bickering to occupy him, Diluc begins to fidget as thoughts of the day ahead fill his mind.
Father’s right, today is a special day – he’s about to become the youngest Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius, and the Ordo has deemed it important enough to hold a public ceremony.
He should be used to big ceremonies and crowds – he’s the heir of the Ragnvindr clan, such things are just part and parcel of belonging to such an illustrious family. But the thought of standing on a stage in front of all of Mondstadt – all of them watching him, the weight of all their expectations…
What do they think of a fourteen year old becoming a captain? Is he good enough? Will he be enough for this city? For the knights? For his family?
Maybe this is a mistake. He should tell the Grandmaster to call this off, wait until he’s more experienced–
But then Father would be disappointed, and everyone’s waiting, so he has no choice but to–
“Hey.” Kaeya’s voice pierces through his racing thoughts with its softness. A warm hand on his back brings him back to reality, slows the tempo of his heart. “What are you worried for?”
“I’m not–” He falters under Kaeya’s unimpressed gaze. “It’s just… this is a lot.”
Kaeya hums thoughtfully. “True. Cavalry Captain at just fourteen, hm?” The hand moves from his back to his shoulder, and Kaeya pulls him into a side hug, leaning his head on him. “You wouldn’t be here if Varka didn’t think you were capable. And you trust Varka, don’t you?”
“Of course I trust him, but–”
“You’re the best knight I know, Luc.”
Diluc’s cheeks heat up as he looks away. “Flattery isn’t helpful. I’m still so inexperienced. And now I’m going to responsible for so many people, what if I mess up– what if they stop trusting me and I ruin everything– everyone will be so disappointed–”
“Shh, none of that.” Kaeya moves to stand in front of Diluc and cups his face, forcing their eyes to meet. “I trust you with my life, Diluc. You’ll do a wonderful job and be the best captain the Ordo’s ever seen, and you’ll make everyone proud. And don’t forget,” he says with a soft smile, placing a hand over Diluc’s heart, “I’ll be there for you every step of the way. You’re not going into this alone.”
Diluc blinks away the tears threatening to spill, and lets out a choked laugh. “Of course. Thank you, Kae.” He presses his forehead against his brother’s. “You’re the best brother anyone could ask for.”
“Will you sign off on a raise for your brother, then?”
He smacks Kaeya playfully on the arm. “As if Varka would approve. That’s nepotism or something.”
“But if he did approve–”
“Kaeya, no,” he laughs, shoving his brother away with a smile.
“There it is,” Kaeya says, laughing softly along with him. “I was wondering where that smile had gone.”
The cathedral doors open and a knight signals for them to step out into the plaza. The ceremony is about to begin.
Kaeya pats him on the arm and begins walking ahead. “Come on then, Luc. Don’t want to keep all of Mondstadt waiting, do we?”
Diluc blinks. This is really happening, isn’t it?
He catches up to Kaeya, falling in step with him as they always do. Just before they reach the door, he pulls them back, lacing their fingers together.
“Kae?”
“Yeah?”
Diluc leans in and gives his brother a kiss on the cheek, warm and light like the crystalflies around Dawn Winery. He pulls back with a gentle smile.
“Thanks for everything, brother.”
Before Kaeya can respond or comment on the blush that is surely dusting his cheeks, he marches past him into the sunlight, letting the roar of the crowd fill his ears.
xvii.
As far as birthdays go, this has to be the worst.
The rain shows no sign of stopping. It’s getting all over the carpet. He should get up and close the window.
Unfortunately for the carpet, he can’t bring himself to care.
The staff have all been sent home. To mourn, to rest. Whatever. It’s not like it matters.
He’d had to tell them. Bear the bad news, announce that their beloved master was dead, and he was now the head of the Ragnvindr family.
It was going to happen one day.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Adelinde had protested. Even as everyone else had shuffled out of the manor, bowing and apologising profusely – as if they had anything to apologise for, as if it wasn’t entirely his fault – she’d stayed. She had tried to hold him, to keep him from drowning in his own misery. She’s always been too kind for her own good, putting their wellbeing above her own. A mother in all but name.
He’d slapped her hand away. The look on her face before she’d quietly taken her leave had been so broken.
In all his years, he’d never raised a hand against her – the thought had never even crossed his mind–
But the thought of anyone being near him, the disgusting, parasitic, useless monster that he is – it’d made him sick. All he’s done today is ruin things. He is too useless, too much of a burden to save anyone, too much of a coward to stop himself from hurting others.
His father would be so disappointed.
Another sob wracks his chest and he slumps against the wall, staring blankly at the rain flying in. There’s a flash of lightning, making the long shadows all the more pronounced.
He’s… so, so tired.
There’s a knock at the door. Diluc turns his head to look, and briefly entertains the thought of answering it, before hugging himself tighter. Maybe if he just sits here long enough, he’ll disappear along with everything inside this house. Nothing from out there will be able to get to him ever again.
The door opens anyway with a harrowing creak and his heart shatters all over again. Everything just refuses to go right today, doesn’t it?
“Diluc?”
Oh no. Kaeya.
Kaeya’s here, because of course he is. This is Kaeya’s home too.
In all his wallowing, Diluc had even forgotten his own brother. He really is useless. What a sorry excuse for an older brother.
The window softly clicks shut, and the sound of rain instantly quiets. He doesn’t look up when those familiar footsteps come to a stop in front of him, but the looming shadow of his brother darkens his world anyway.
“Luc…”
There’s some shuffling, and then a warm weight against his side. Kaeya’s head comes to rest on his shoulder, and he takes one of Diluc’s hands in his, running circles over the back of it with his thumb.
He should push Kaeya away. Tell him to leave, to get out of here before Diluc does something to hurt him too, because right now Kaeya is all he has left and he can’t afford to lose him, not now, not ever.
But he’s so tired. Kaeya’s the only person who can possibly understand him now.
They’ve both lost a father.
“I’m so sorry, Kae.” His voice is barely a whisper, yet he still chokes on the words and they come out more like sobs.
Kaeya doesn’t say anything, just squeezes his hand tighter.
“I’m the one who killed Father. I didn’t want to but– he was dying, he was begging me to end it– he was in so much pain, I didn’t have a choice– please forgive me, Kae, I’m so, so sorry–”
“It’s alright,” Kaeya says softly. “You were just doing what you had to.”
Tears roll down Diluc’s cheeks and he sobs quietly into his brother’s chest. Kaeya remains steady, his soothing touches never halting, the only thing keeping Diluc anchored in this world. Part of him resents it, because this world is awful and he wants nothing to do with it anymore–
But Kaeya is here. Kaeya is too good for him, too good for this world. Diluc can’t leave him alone. He has to stay strong for his little brother, the only thing he has to live for anymore. He doesn’t want Kaeya to feel this pain, the crushing burden of loneliness, the weight of their legacy on his shoulders.
He takes Kaeya’s hands in his and brushes his lips against the cold knuckles, sealing his silent promise with a kiss. He doesn’t let go of his hands, holding them almost reverently. The only things he can trust in this bleak, cruel existence.
“I won’t mess up again, Kae. I’ll keep you safe. You’re all I have left.” He shuts his eyes as another bout of sobs threatens to overtake him. He steadies his breathing, pressing Kaeya’s hands against his face to ground him. “I swear on my life, I’ll never let anything hurt you.”
“Diluc.” Kaeya’s voice is clipped. He pushes Diluc away and takes a deep breath.
“What’s wrong?”
His brother’s eye is colder than he’s ever seen it. Something isn’t right.
Kaeya smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eye.
“There’s something I need to tell you, and I don’t think it can wait.”
xx.
The Vision is flickering.
Kaeya had woken in the middle of the night. Hardly an unusual occurrence, especially since… that night. Normally he would just splash his face with water and crawl back into bed, or get a head-start on work, depending on the hour, but tonight is different.
Diluc’s Vision is flickering.
It’s common knowledge that a Vision is intimately connected to its user’s life. It glows when the user is alive, and fades to an empty grey when they die, until a worthy candidate rekindles that light.
His brother’s Vision is flickering, and Kaeya has no idea why.
Before he can put a coherent thought together, he tears himself from the tangle of blankets and bedsheets and lunges for the Vision lying on his bedside table – always in his sight it’s all he has left of Diluc now. He clutches it tightly, curling up against the wall, the chaos in his mind effortlessly drowning out the rain beyond his room.
Kaeya doesn’t even know where his idiot of a brother could possibly be. He’d tried – Archons above, he’d tried so damn hard to track him down, but every time he’d thought he’d found a lead, the trail would go cold, and all traces of the mysterious redheaded noble would evaporate like morning dew. There’s only so much he can do without leaving Mondstadt, and leaving is not an option. Diluc wouldn’t have left Mondstadt if he thought Kaeya would leave it too.
That’s what Kaeya tells himself, at least. That maybe, just maybe, his brother had entrusted the city to him despite everything that had happened.
There has to be a reason Diluc hadn’t outed him, right?
He shakes his head to dismiss those useless thoughts. It doesn’t matter. No matter what Diluc’s reasons were, it doesn’t matter now when Diluc is possibly dying, alone, in a windless land, with no one to bring him home.
That thought – the idea that he truly may never see his brother again – brings tears to his eyes, and a sob breaks free from his clenched jaw.
He brings the Vision to his lips, kissing it desperately, as if he can somehow breathe life into it, as if he can somehow reach Diluc through this cursed glass orb and pull him back to where he belongs.
Kaeya has never had any reverence for the Archons. What have they ever done for him, his people, his family?
In spite of all that…
He prays.
A desperate whisper, in a night illuminated only by the flickering light of a Vision, carried by the wind at the mercy of the Archons.
Will anyone listen to a sinner’s prayer?
xxi.
Kaeya had known something was up with Mondstadt today. Everyone had been acting remarkably odd – throwing worried glances in his direction when they thought he wasn’t looking, whispering as soon as he turned his back on them, cutting conversations short like they had something to hide.
What sort of secret could an entire city want to hide from him?
His answer comes soon enough when he makes his way to the cathedral that night on Jean’s behalf to pass something on to her sister. He’d tried to convince the woman to do it herself, but the newly appointed Acting Grandmaster had been far too wrapped up in her duties to even think about anything else, even her younger sibling. Not that he really blames her, of course. It’s achingly familiar behaviour.
At the cathedral, the young deaconess is scurrying around frantically, arms full of medical supplies. She looks rather frazzled, pigtails uneven and dress rumpled like she’s been on her feet all day without a minute’s rest. Poor thing.
“Barbara?” he asks at last when she shows no signs of stopping to greet her visitor.
“Oh– Sir Kaeya! It’s good to see you!” She drops her things on one of the pews and smooths out her skirt, clasping her hands and bouncing on the tips of her toes. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m just here to deliver something from Jean.” He offers her the package with his signature charming smile, chuckling to himself when she blushes. “You seem quite busy – I hope you haven’t been working yourself too hard, dear deaconess. Your sister’s concerning enough in that regard.”
“Oh no, this is nothing, really, I’m fine,” she says, a little breathlessly, so it’s hardly convincing. She hesitates before continuing. “Actually, Sir Kaeya… would you come with me for a moment?”
He raises an eyebrow but says nothing, simply gesturing with his arm for her to lead the way.
She takes him down to the lower floor with the medical bay. He and Diluc had been frequent visitors here back in their days as fellow knights. His fingers trace the walls of the stairwell, drinking in the nostalgia. It’s not like the memories here are exactly happy, but things were so simple back then. No matter what hurt them, they’d always pull through and come out of it tougher than ever, supporting each other through it all.
He bites back a bitter laugh. Barbara doesn’t need to see that side of him.
She stops at the door with her hand on the doorknob.
“Sir Kaeya…” She takes a deep breath. “I– I know it’s none of my business, but I thought you might want to see him. That is, I mean, I’m not sure exactly what your relationship is like anymore, but I know you used to be close, at least, and you hadn’t come to visit yet and I wasn’t sure if anyone would tell you so–”
“Barbara,” he says, resting a hand on her shoulder to cut off her anxious rambling, “who’s behind this door?”
She flashes him a nervous smile, and opens the door.
There in the bed closest to them is a shock of red hair he couldn’t ever forget. It’s longer than he remembers, and maybe a little less lustrous, but it can’t belong to anyone else.
The sudden recognition freezes him in place. He distantly registers Barbara moving past him, but he can’t bring himself to take a single step forward until she pulls him towards a seat next to the bed.
Diluc’s face has changed so much yet not at all. Those round, boyish features have sharpened and developed a dangerous edge, but in his sleep he still looks young. Deep bags underneath his eyes and his pale skin betray just how well the man has been taking care of himself. Kaeya glances at the arm that Barbara is wrapping in fresh bandages, and notes the increased muscle compared to what he remembers. Every inch of exposed is adorned with cuts and scars.
Diluc hasn’t been on some easygoing vacation, that’s for sure.
It scares him just how much he’s changed. How much Kaeya’s missed.
After what feels like hours, Kaeya tears his gaze away from his brother’s face and looks at Barbara, intensely focused on her healing, sending ripples of soothing Hydro magic through Diluc’s body.
“What… what happened to him?” He hates how choked up he sounds. He is not choking up. He’s fine.
Barbara meets his eyes with a sad smile. “The Dawn Winery staff brought him here last night. Supposedly he only returned to the manor yesterday and insisted he was fine until he collapsed and had to be brought here. No one knows what caused it, but he had a lot of terrible wounds that hadn’t been treated very well.” Her eyebrows furrow and she looks down, placing a hand on Diluc’s forehead, smoothing out the angry frown that had appeared there. “It seems like some kind of foreign illness. My healing powers aren’t very effective against it, but it’s the best we can do for now.” She turns to smile at him, more confidently this time. “Don’t you worry, Sir Kaeya, I’ll have him back on his feet in no time!”
“I don’t doubt that,” he replies with a matching smile, but he can’t seem to make it genuine. All he can see in his mind is the flickering Vision on that sleepless night. The way it hasn’t quite returned to its full glow since.
“I think I’ve done all I can for today, so I’ll be going home now. Normally I would tell visitors to go home too, but… you’re family. I can’t imagine how much you’ve missed him.”
Kaeya nods, not meeting her eyes. Are they even family anymore? Does he have the right to call himself that, after he all but stabbed his brother through the heart four years ago?
“I’ll watch over him,” he manages to choke out. “Thank you for your hard work, Barbara.”
“Just doing my job, Sir Kaeya. Please get some rest yourself, okay? I can’t be looking after the both of you on my own.”
He nods again and waves as she exits the room.
It’s been impossibly long since the two of them were alone together. It shouldn’t feel as right as it does.
Gingerly, he places his hand on top of his brother’s head. His hair is rougher, less well-maintained than Kaeya remembers, but the way the curls respond to his touch is nostalgic. He cards his fingers gently through the tresses, watching with a fond smile as Diluc sighs softly in his sleep and leans into the touch.
Has Diluc been alone all these years? Was there ever anyone to watch over him as he slept and keep the nightmares away, to hold him in his moments of weakness?
Diluc has always been like an endlessly burning fireplace, drawing people towards his infinite warmth and love, able to make anyone feel safe and at home. The Diluc lying before him now, ashen and corpse-like, seems more like a solitary candle – a light in the darkness that none dare approach, lest they snuff out the flame.
It’s wrong. Diluc was never meant to be alone.
He wouldn’t have had to be alone if it weren’t for Kaeya’s selfish actions that night.
His free hand reaches for Diluc’s and intertwines their fingers, marvelling at how those once-soft hands have become rough with callouses. His other hand moves down to Diluc’s chest and rests where his heart should be, until he feels the dull thud of a heartbeat. That simple sensation sparks tears in his eyes.
Diluc is really here, in the flesh, just when Kaeya had been starting to lose hope. And by some miracle, he’s alive. He reaches out to cup Diluc’s face, savouring the warmth he hadn’t realised he’d missed this badly.
Would Diluc even want him here? After how things had gone the last time they talked, he’s not sure he can even call him his brother anymore, let alone stay by his side when he’s so vulnerable.
It doesn’t matter. As long as Diluc is alive, that’s all he cares about.
Being hated is a small price to pay.
Diluc shifts in his sleep, a frown appearing on his face again.
Kaeya wasn’t usually the affectionate one between the two of them, but… someone has to be, right?
He clicks his tongue, leans in, and kisses Diluc’s forehead as softly as he can, cherishing this fragile, peaceful moment before he’s inevitably pushed away.
“Welcome home, brother.”