Work Text:
After the wedding:
Waverly was married.
She was finally married to the love of her life.
If she had been told five or ten years ago that this was where her life would go she wouldn’t have believed it.
She wouldn’t have believed that she would be married to a woman.
She wouldn’t have believed that she would have a good relationship with her sister, knowing for a fact that she would come back after leaving again.
And she wouldn’t, under any circumstances, have believed that she would actually be happy.
That’s how she felt right now. She was happy. Sitting there on the porch with her head on her wife’s shoulder, as they watched the sunset. After a little while though, it got dark, and then it got cold, so Nicole went inside.
“I’ll be in our room,” she said with a suggestive smile. Waverly giggled.
“You got it. I’m right behind you,” Waverly said.
Nicole disappeared into the house leaving Waverly to bask in the moment a little while longer.
She was married.
She was actually someone’s wife.
And she was wearing a dress that she loved.
She did love the dress.
She did.
It didn’t make her uncomfortable.
Not at all.
She loved the way it felt.
She loved the way it made her body look.
She loved it.
She loved it.
She loved it.
The tightness in her chest was because she was sad about Wynonna. Obviously. Of course.
It was.
It was.
It was.
The day after the wedding:
Waverly woke up slowly, basking in the feeling of knowing that she didn’t have to go to work, she could sleep in, she had absolutely nothing to worry about.
Rachel and Billy were out with Nedley, Jeremy knew better than to show up in the middle of the day, and Wynonna and Doc wouldn’t be interrupting her or Nicole.
Suddenly, the door opened to show Nicole with a tray of food, and no clothes on.
“If this is what married life is like, if I had any doubts before, they are officially gone,” Waverly said with a smile.
“You had doubts?” Nicole asked with mock offense.
“Of course. I don’t really like you that much,” Waverly said.
“Well if that’s the case I may as well just eat all of this food for myself,” Nicole said, turning around with the tray.
“Wait no! You’re the love of my life, I knew from the moment I saw you, I broke up with Champ for you, not because I was trying to get out of a toxic relationship! I swear! Come back!” Waverly quickly said as Nicole came back into the room laughing.
“Good! That’d better be the case! I want everything to be for me!” Nicole said.
“Yes, because that’s what makes a healthy relationship,” Waverly said as Nicole sat down on the bed.
“Of course. Anyone who thinks any differently is stupid,” Nicole said as she leaned down to kiss Waverly, “Goodmorning wife.”
There it was again, that tightness in her chest.
Like a rubber band got wrapped around her heart.
She just missed Wynonna.
“Good morning to you too,” she said.
“Mrs. Earp Haught,” Nicole said.
The rubber band got a little tighter.
Because she missed Wynonna.
That was all.
A week after the wedding:
They were still in their honeymoon phase, but Waverly could tell that something was bothering Nicole.
They had both taken a month off of work. Nicole believed her new deputy could handle everything and Jeremy was still working on getting BBD under control, so Wavelry was technically still waiting for a job from Jeremy.
The couple had been having a wonderful time so far, so the fact that Wavelry could tell Nicole was upset was a little surprising to her. She figured they would be in their honeymoon phase for at least a couple months afterward, so she didn’t know what was going on or what to do. She figured the best course of action was to just ask her.
“Honey?” Waverly asked as she slowly approached her wife who was sitting at the kitchen table.
“Yeah?” Nicole asked with a smile, looking up from the book she was reading.
“Are you okay?” Waverly asked.
“What? Yes of course I am,” Nicole quickly said.
“Are you sure?” Waverly asked.
“Yes! Why are you asking?” Nicole said.
“I don’t know. You just seem...I don’t know, distant? I guess? I mean, we just got married. You shouldn’t be keeping any secrets from me. If you’re upset about something, I’d like to think you’d be able to tell me,” Waverly said. Nicole sighed.
“It’s nothing. Okay? Nothing that you have to worry about,” Nicole said.
“Oh come on,” Waverly said.
“What?” Nicole asked.
“You can’t just tell me that something’s wrong and then completely brush it off!” Waverly said.
“But I really don’t want you to have to worry! Please believe me when I say I’ll get through it!” Nicole yelled.
“Nicole, we got married last week, okay? We are here to support each other, not brush each other off when we’re trying to comfort each other,” Waverly said, trying to stay calm.
“Why can’t you just trust me when I say that I’m okay? Isn’t that you’re supposed to do when you’re married? Trust each other?” Nicole asked.
“I can’t trust you if you’re gonna sit there and tell me that everything’s fine when anyone can tell that it’s a lie from a mile away!” Waverly yelled. Nicole sighed heavily, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her eyes.
“My mom called for the first time in 12 fucking years,” Nicole said.
“Oh?” Waverly said as she sat down next to Nicole, putting her hand on her knee in a comforting gesture.
“Apparently if I come home and realize the ‘error of my ways’, I’ll get a fancy car,” Nicole said.
“Okay…” Waverly trailed off, slightly confused, “It's not like you're gonna do it. Why are you so upset?”
“Because even after 12 fucking years my mom still has the ability to piss me off!” Nicole said, standing up, “She’s never given a fuck about me! She kicked me out of the house when I was 17 years old! She hasn’t contacted me since I was 18! Now all of a sudden she wants to save me from this ‘horrible’ thing I’ve done? What the fuck is her problem? No, no, what the fuck is my problem? Why am I still letting her get to me like this when she stopped being my mom 12 years ago! What’s wrong with me?!”
“Nothing’s wrong with you!” Waverly said as she went to hug Nicole, “She doesn’t have some crazy hold over you. You have trauma. The one person that was supposed to love you more than anything…didn’t. So you get angry when she offers you a fancy car in exchange for a divorce with me.”
Nicole simply melted into Waverly’s embrace, grateful that someone listened to her and didn’t dismiss what she had to say.
“Do you think you wanna see a therapist?” Waverly asked.
“Maybe,” Nicole said quietly, her face pressed into Waverly’s neck, “I just wanna stay here for a while.”
“Okay sweetie.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s not fair. I know you’ll always tell me when big things are happening with you,” Nicole said.
And the rubber band got tighter.
“Totally.”
A month after the wedding:
It happened. It finally happened. Jeremy got Waverly a job. Although not much would change, she would still be working out of the BBD office in the police station, she was now the official Coordinator of Research and Investigation for Black Badge.
Today was her first day officially back. She knew that it would just be her and Jeremy in the office, with Nicole dropping in occasionally, and Wynonna and Doc would join her again eventually, so it was all the same, but she wanted it to be special, so she went to her closet and pulled out her favorite professional outfit: a nice blouse and blazer. She just couldn’t decide if she wanted to go with pants or a skirt. She had a perfect option for both, she just didn’t know what to go with. She tried on the skirt first.
It was fine. It wasn’t too different from what she usually wore. She looked cute. She wondered what Wynonna would think…
Oh yeah.
Wynonna wasn’t there.
Waverly shook off the unexpected thought and went to try on the pants.
They were nice. They looked professional. She looked put together. She liked them. She still looked feminine so that was good…
Why did it matter whether they looked feminine on her.
The rubber band got a little tighter as a brief thought crossed Waverly’s mind.
“Ha! Right. Yeah no…no…definitely not,” Waverly said to herself.
Waverly made her way downstairs, ready to make her way to the station with Nicole.
“You look so pretty!” Nicole said as Waverly came into view.
It’s not usually a good sign when you want to throw something at your wife.
“Thanks,” Waverly said with a forced smile.
“Let’s go Mrs. Earp Haught,” Nicole said.
The rubber band got tighter.
Two months after the wedding:
Waverly was sitting at her desk in the office. They had finally gotten personalized desks. It was about damn time.
She had her head down on the desk. Trying her hardest to keep her thoughts under control.
She had been in a mood all day…well really all month, but she wasn’t willing to admit that to herself. It wasn’t particularly obvious, but all month she had been snapping at Nicole, talking to her less, avoiding letting Nicole touch her…Nicole knew something was off, but she didn’t know how to ask Waverly about it.
Waverly had really only noticed that morning when she came downstairs wearing a Beatles t-shirt that Rachel had given to her, a hoodie, jeans, and hiking boots.
“Well that’s a new look,” Nicole said when she saw her.
“Do you have a problem with that?!” Waverly immediately snapped, “‘Cause if you’ve got a problem with the way I dress then maybe we have a problem!”
“No! No! I don’t care! I was just saying!” Nicole said, very shocked by the sudden outburst. This was different from the way she had been acting for the past month.
“Good. I’m gonna drive myself today,” Waverly said as she stomped out to her car.
Now all day, Waverly had been depressed, irritable, and angry. She had one thought in her head, trying so hard to make itself clear to Waverly, but she wasn’t going to let it happen. Because it wasn’t true.
It wasn’t.
It wasn’t
IT FUCKING WASN’T!
She was jumpy, her knee was bouncing uncontrollably, she practically jumped a foot in the air when the door opened suddenly.
“Hey Mark!” Jeremy said, greeting the delivery man.
“Jeremy! How’s it going?” Mark asked.
“Good! How are you?” Jeremy said.
“I’ve been pretty good,” Mark said, “Got another baby on the way!”
“You do?” Jeremy asked as Mark nodded excitedly, “That’s so awesome. Tell Elizabeth I say congrats!”
“I will, thank you,” Mark said.
“Hey what’s that?” Jeremy asked, pointing to a pin on Mark’s shirt. Waverly turned around to see a small circle with a purple, white, and green line on it.
“Oh that? That right there is the genderqueer pride colors. One of my friends just came out and I’m wearing it in solidarity,” Mark explained.
“That’s really awesome. Although, I don’t think I’ve heard that one, genderqueer. What does it mean?” Jeremy asked.
A person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.
Waverly was googling the definition almost every day.
But she wasn’t.
She wasn’t.
Really, she wasn’t.
“He uh, I don’t know, doesn’t identify as male I guess,” Mark said.
“Wrong,” Waverly said much more loudly than she had intended.
“What’s that?” Mark asked, a little confused. Waverly had never spoken to him before.
“Oh, I uh…genderqueer…that’s not what that means,” Waverly tentatively said.
“Okay…” Mark trailed off, extremely confused, “Anyway, Jeremy, I’d better be going, it was good to see you though.”
“Yeah, good to see you too Mark,” Jeremy said as Mark walked out of the office, “I’m gonna go grab something off the printer.”
“Okay,” Waverly said as Jeremy left the room.
As Jeremy left, Waverly covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hold back sobs as everything in her mind slowly started to come together.
“Oh fuck,”
they
said.