Chapter Text
When Childe fell in love for the first time, he had thought it would be his last as he agreed to bind their relationship with a Liyuen marriage. Having taken off his status as a Harbinger willingly to be the mate of a prime adepti that lived off of battle. Childe had no love for the Fatui, he merely regrets not being able to see Her Majesty Tsaritsa reach her goal by her side. Still, he withdrew from the ranks, content with watching from afar as he keep his lover company today, tomorrow and many years to come.
Childe had not once suspected that he would feel any loneliness in the many many years he had seen to be spent by Zhongli’s side and yet here he was. Trapped like a trophy wife, in the gilded cage of a place he had once viewed as a warm home. With no husband by his side, it was so very lonely. How many years had passed? Enough for his youngs to fly away from home, exploring the many curiosities of the world.
He was no longer a warrior as he was many years ago, his body slowly softening with every youngling he nurses. Gone was his imposing figure, replaced with the features of a soft mother with a gaggle of children. Childe avoided looking in the mirrors the first time he noticed how rounded his hips came to be after the third child. He felt awkward in his own body, feeling an itch he could not scratch.
But what hurt most was how his husband has been spending less and less time with him. How long has it been? Decades is not a far stretch, perhaps centuries. Childe wondered if there was any descendants from his human family and if perhaps they know of him? Teucer…Tonia and Anton, would they tell stories of him to their grandchildren? His parents are but a distant memory but Childe never let the memory of his sibling’s face fade.
And in times like this, it helps keep him company. In the loneliness of the huge mansion with no one but himself.
And his guard.
A warm plate of almond tofu was placed down on the bedside table.
“I didn’t say you could come in, Xiao.” Childe did not need to look to know who it was. There was only one person that could come and go in the mansion besides him and his husband.
“You haven’t eaten for two days.”
“I am not hungry.”
Childe could not figure out what sort of expression was Xiao wearing in the silence that fills the air at his answer. Xiao did not leave though which was enough of an answer to Childe’s previous statement. With a heavy sigh, Childe turn his head to look at the stubborn adeptus standing by his bedside. How Childe wished it was his husband instead. “I’m fine Xiao. It has been long since I bear a young, my body is not so fragile.” Though it was far cry of what it used to be once upon a time.
How can he bear a young when he barely see the face of his husband for the past 6 months?
“And I doubt that he cared if I had eaten or not, so please, Xiao. Tell the kitchen helpers my thanks but unless I ask, there is no need to prepare food for me.” Childe realized how miserable he sounded although what is so wrong with that? For he is miserable. He pulled his knees to his chest, hugging himself into a fetal position on the bed.
“I’ll accept thank you only if you finish the food.”
Childe turned his head once again to look at the adeptus that was now avoiding looking his way, with cheeks painted a shy colour that seemed all the more endearing. It melted Childe’s heart a little and so he pulled the plate of food close to him, balancing the plate on his knee as he hold it carefully. “I didn’t realize you’re such a good cook Xiao.” He said after taking a bite, making sure to show his appreciation with the biggest smile he could muster genuinely, which wasn’t much but it seemed to placate his troubled guard.
Xiao said nothing but the smug satisfaction shown at the corner of his lips was enough for Childe.
Contented silence accompanied them both, the occasional sound of spoon scraping on the place was somehow an ambience Xiao seemed to be particularly satisfied with. Childe put down the now empty plate on the bedside table, gladly drinking the glass of water Xiao held close to his lips. He pulled away when the glass was half emptied, the gentle swipe of Xiao’s thumb on his lips was a little unexpected but not uncomfortable.
“Have a good rest, I shall return this to the kitchen.” Xiao retreated his hand. Taking the empty plate, Xiao gave a small bow to Childe before making way to leave the room.
And Childe was alone again.
How miserable.
No.
Childe refuse.
So he called out.
“Please come back.” It was a request, almost a plead.
And Xiao did return, to Childe’s pleasant surprise.
It has been so many millennia since Childe stepped outside, it has been a couple months since he had done anything at all and thus they sat in silence. Knowing not what to fill the silence with, for one of them doesn’t really talk that much at all. Xiao sighed and sat down on the bedside, hand immediately pulling Childe’s head to fall against Xiao’s shoulder.
Ah.
There is no need to fill the silence with any awkward attempts of conversation.
Childe closes his eyes, just enjoying the feeling of company.
Childe was smiling and there was nothing else more beautiful than that sight to Xiao. The gentle warmth glowing like halo, Xiao clings to it. Having Childe leaning on to him for support was something that he had never thought he would be doing. The Lord’s wife had unknowingly helped Xiao with his presence and Xiao was just glad that he could be doing something to help Childe too.
Even if it was saving Childe from the loneliness that his Lord left.
Xiao could not understand why. Surely his Lord notices how lonely his wife has been feeling. Brushing the strand hair on the pretty face before it irritates those blue eyes, he received a smile for his petty action. The grateful smile confuses Xiao, he had done nothing worthy of receiving that honour. Though he would not stop indulging in them any time soon. Ever really.
“Xiao.”
“Yes, Lord?”
“If Zhongli heard you call me Lord, you would be in trouble.” Childe chided, disapproving.
Xiao lowered his head slightly. “His Lordship, is currently away from. I doubt- ” Ah, how could he be so careless. His words only reminded his precious person of the absence of his Lordship. “Sorry.” His fingers dug on to the palm of his hand, feeling anger towards himself.
Although the kind heart would never begrudge him over something like this, or worse really. Sometimes Xiao thinks that Childe’s heart is too fragile towards those he hold close to it. Childe took Xiao’s hand into his, opening the balled up fist and smoothing his thumb over the palm soothingly. “I’m not upset with you, Xiao. You said nothing wrong.”
That made Xiao regretted his words even worse.
“Now, would you like to have lunch with me?” Childe’s eye smile is breathtaking.
Wait. “I’m sorry?”
Apparently his confusion was amusing to the pretty man for he had burst into a small fit of laughter and Xiao felt his ears burn in embarrassment. Without letting go of his hand, Childe reiterated his request. “It would be my pleasure, if my guard is willing to join me for lunch today.”
Xiao nodded stiffly. Still surprised and unsure of how to react. Confused on why is his heart beating faster so suddenly.
“Then I’ll be seeing you at lunch, Xiao.” Childe’s hands pulled away and Xiao almost whined at the feeling of loss. Childe stood up and the handmaidens rushed to usher Xiao out of the room.
When the door shut in front of his only then did he remember something odd in his thoughts earlier. Had he just…referred to his Lord’s wife….as his precious person? A treacherous thought. Xiao frowned to himself again, turning and walking away with confusion boiling in his mind. Perhaps…he should spend less time with the lord-…lady.
Lady Tartaglia.
How sour.
He never liked calling him a lady.
Because Childe whilst seemingly used to it now, he sees the discomfort in the little twitched on the man’s brows many many many many many many years ago.
…Should he freshen up before attending the private lunch with Childe?
Many more days had passed since the first day he joined the lord for lunch and lunch turned to dinner and soon turned to an everyday affair of Xiao joining the lord for his breakfast, lunch and dinner. He told himself it was easier to make sure that Childe eats when he is there to help. Help feed those pretty mouth with his own hands and was that not a sight.
Perhaps Xiao should have realized earlier, how he felt about the wife of the god he had sworn fealty too.
Because when the letter arrived at the table, addressed to Childe, it was no doubt from whom the letter came from. A letter that was quickly crumpled and tossed to the side, souring the light and content mood within a minute. It hurts Xiao to see the hurt disappointment in the blue eyes, worse when Childe forced a smile to him and told him to ignore his misdemeanor.
So Xiao did what he felt is right. “Let’s end the dinner here.” He put down the chopstick and stood up. Not forgetting to take Childe’s hand into his, gesturing for the man to stand up before tugging him along out of the private dining area. Childe was silent as he followed the yaksha and Xiao was not going to question.
Besides, it’s not as if he’s planning to bring the lord’s wife outside the castle. That was strictly forbidden, and he rather not risk the punishment that would befall on Childe should they get caught. They ended up in Childe’s private room, the place that would give them the privacy, and at the balcony where Xiao easily manipulated the wind to blow as he opened the glass door.
The moon shines bright, and the dark night sky was cool enough it was soothing. Xiao turned to face Childe, and said. “Cry all you need to, my lord.”
And Childe did cry.
Xiao had not known what to expect, yet when Childe instead of letting go of Xiao to cry into his hands had chosen to bury his face at Xiao’s neck as he let out painful sobs. Arms around his torso as Childe clings to Xiao for his comfort. His own hands awkwardly inch to provide the comfort the other was seeking, comfort that Xiao is willing to give since Childe’s own husband is so blind.
He card his fingers through ginger coloured hair, his awkwardness gradually melts away as he familiarize himself with touching Childe so intimately with Childe still clinging to him. If he was stiff, caught off guard earlier, Xiao had curled in to hold Childe more comfortably in his arms. It felt nice. Despite the reason, holding his precious like so was a feeling that Xiao had not felt before. Just calm contentment.
Maybe it is wrong to think like so, but Xiao could not help but feel just the tiny bit gratified of the letter arrival earlier.
“Xiao.” Childe called out his name, his voice a little hoarse from the dryness.
“Should I get you a cup of water, my lord?”
Childe shook his head that was still buried at the crook of Xiao’s neck. “Can we move? I’m exhausted.”
Xiao did not hesitate to carry Childe in a bridal carry, ignoring the surprised gasp, and turning to walk to the bed that was no more than 10 steps away from the balcony. Though when Childe did not let him go when Xiao lowered down the ginger on to the bed, Xiao was a bit at a loss. “My lord?”
“Don’t leave me too.”
Ache. Xiao’s heart ache at the hoarse desperation from Childe. “I won’t.” Childe slowly let go of his hold on Xiao, and the yaksha helped Childe settle comfortably on the bed, pulling the duvet over the man. Then he walked away, the whine that escaped from Childe’s lips had Xiao feeling sorry, quickly carrying the chair he had went to take from the other side of the room and placing it next to the bed. “Sleep, my lord.” Xiao sat straight, the chair facing the end of the bed instead of towards the bed.
“Goodnight, Xiao.” Childe reached out to hold Xiao’s hand lightly.
Xiao did not pull away, letting his hand be pulled to the bed close to Childe’s face. Close enough that with every breath Childe let out, warmth brush over his fingers oh so gently. The hold on his hand was a powerful grip, probably would have been painful if Xiao was a common mortal.
When the grip loosened soon after, Xiao assumed that Childe had fallen asleep. A soft smile tugged at Xiao’s lips as he watched Childe drift to sleep, turning half of his body to the side, reaching with his free hand to brush a few strands of Childe’s hair from the pretty face. “Goodnight…Childe.” Just a small secret he would keep to himself, calling his lord by name so intimately.
And if Childe had not completely fallen asleep at the time, well, he would find that out soon enough the next morning.
When Xiao woke from his sleep, he immediately turned his head to look at his lord that was asleep on the bed. Or not. Childe’s blue eyes stared at him and Xiao felt himself taken aback, though he did not react outright, his heart did a small jump.
“Is it comfortable sleeping like that?”
Xiao considered the question. He had been sitting upright in his sleep, but it was of no bother to him since he had slept lightly, aware of any danger that could happen. Sleep is a luxury, not a necessity for them as immortal beings. A luxury that his precious lord should enjoy peacefully and it is Xiao’s duty to protect it. Comfort is of no importance.
“Does your back not hurt? Your neck?”
For some reason they were still holding hands and Xiao felt pleased at that fact. So he brought up Childe’s hand and gave it a kiss on the knuckle. “It is a pleasant morning that I am willing to repeat, does that answer you, my lord?”
“You should just keep calling me Childe like you did before I fell asleep.” Childe pouted.
Meanwhile blood rushed to Xiao’s ears. “Ah…”
“Hrm? Oh, did you think I had fallen asleep that time?” Childe sat up and leaned down towards Xiao, peering up to the other’s blushing face. “That’s why you were so brave.” A teasing grin showed his teeth.
“Please forgive my transgression, my lord.” Continued to hide his face behind his hand when an unknown weight settled on his lap and he peered between his fingers to see that Childe had laid his head on Xiao’s lap, his position on the bed completely changed from before.
“Childe. Just call me Childe, Xiao. There’s no one else here anyway.”
Xiao let out a tired sigh, looking down at Childe and his expression automatically softened. “It is not appropriate for this humble servant to do, my lord.” Childe was quick to pout in response but Xiao was not done saying his mind. “But if that is what you request of me then I shall do so. Although,” Was it his imagination or did his face feel a little hotter? “Only when we’re alone. Is that fine with you, Childe?”
There was no answer from the lord, but they continued to stare at each other despite the strong want to look away Xiao kept his eyes locked with the wide blue eyes of his precious person.
“You know, you’re…” Childe finally looked away, “A little bit dangerous.”