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She paced back and forth in her room, unable to sit still. Julieta was gripping her hands tightly as panic was slowly setting in, a panic that had slowly crept up on her and grown in scale over the past few days. At first she had simply dismissed it, saying there was nothing to worry about, but as the days kept passing, the gravity of the situation was slowly making itself known to her.
She couldn’t keep it off any longer or live in denial. She swore to herself once more as she thought about it. It was still early, and she could still be wrong, she prayed she was , but there was no way to know yet.
And she couldn’t postpone this any longer, no matter how much she wanted to simply ignore the terrifying possibility. She needed to face the possible consequences of her own actions, as terrifying as it was.
As she kept pacing around, she suddenly froze up as she heard the familiar sound of the Casita’s doorbell. It was Agustín, clearly, it always was. She was currently the only one home, with her mother and siblings down at the town square, and Agustín was the only person that was expected to come by the house today. He always did, and he was supposed to help her carry down the food she was going to make to hand out to the townsfolk later in the day.
Julieta took a deep breath as she exited her room and walked down the stairs, trying to mentally prepare herself. Her boyfriend was the last person she wanted to talk to right now, but she knew that he needed to know . If it was like she feared, he would be just as affected as her.
As she opened the door, Agustín immediately leapt into her arms and pressed a kiss onto her lips. Instead of returning the favor, she stood there slightly tense, her mind filled with the fear of a possibly negative reaction about what she was about to tell him.
Agustín immediately seemed to notice that something was off when she told him “hello” with a shaky voice that was barely above a whisper.
“Julieta, is everything okay?”
She slowly shakes her head and grabs his hand.
“My room, we need to talk. This is serious.”
She sees how Agustín immediately tenses up, and she quickly looks away to not see the look on his eyes. She’s trying to take deep breaths as she’s dragging him up the stairs and into her room, and the moment she closes the doors she tries to speak.
“Okay, I don’t know where to start…”
“It’s fine if you’re breaking up with me, I understand not all relationships can last forever but I still love you and I’d still want to be your frie…”
“Agustín you idiot I’m not breaking up with you.”
“Wait you’re not?”
Julieta sees how he visibly relaxes at her words. She’s still tense though, because she still hasn’t told him.
“Of course I'm not.”
“Ah, I just assumed… since you said it was serious.”
“I promise, I’m not breaking up with you, I never want to. But I have something to tell you that is extremely serious and if it’s true we’re in so much trouble and I’m freaking out.”
Agustín takes Julieta’s hands in his own to show his support, and he nods at her.
“I’m listening.”
Julieta takes another deep breath, her mind screaming at her from within. Here it goes .
“I-I… haven’t gotten my monthly... you know.”
She’s waiting for him to connect the dots, and after a few seconds she sees how his face pales. Afterwards, he curses.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure I haven’t gotten my monthly, I would have noticed if I was bleeding!”
Agustín hits himself in the face as he curses at himself.
“Sorry, I’m stupid. That’s a very weird way to phrase that question, of course you’d know if you were bleeding or not. I mean, are you sure that you’re…?”
“ Pregnant?” she asks, and she shivers as she hears the words coming out of her mouth. It was her worst fear at this very moment, her and Agustín not yet being married. “Not yet, but I think I might be. At first I didn’t think about it when I was a day late, that happens sometimes. But then one day turned into two and now it’s been a week and a half since I was supposed to get it, and you know there’s a possibility.”
If Agustín’s face wasn’t already pale before, now it looked like that of a ghost. The timing would be just right, when thinking of their intimate relations , and he seemed to realize it too as he counted down the days with his fingers.
“Mierda.”
He looks at her, and Julieta sees the pure panic in his eyes as the gravity of the situation was setting in. It wasn’t set in stone yet, it being too early to know for sure, but the possibility was there, and that was terrifying. She didn’t even want to think of what would happen if she was indeed pregnant and they would have to tell her mother. They would both be dead, and Agustín would never be let near Julieta ever again.
“That’s what I’m saying. What are we going to do?”
“I’ve already accepted my death at the hands of your mother. I’ve had a great life, I love you.”
“I’m not going to let you simply go die on me and leave me alone during a time like this. This is all your fault, all of it.”
She sees how he raises an eyebrow at her, and her face reddens as she reads his expression.
“Really Julieta? Really? You’re always the one that insist that I… ”
He doesn’t finish the sentence because there’s no need, and Julieta can’t look him in the eyes. She knows he’s right. If this was anyone’s fault, it was hers. She was always the risk taker, the one saying that everything would be fine and nothing would happen, and she was always the one to tell him to not do the safe option because she liked it even when he told her it was risky . She wanted to scream at her stupid, reckless self. When thinking about it, it was actually a miracle it had taken two years and three months into their relationship to occur for the first time when she had insisted on being this reckless from the very start.
She wanted to go back in time and smack some sense into her younger self. But her power was not time traveling, it was healing with food. So instead she let out another sigh as she looked down onto the floor.
“I’m scared…” she then says, barely above a whisper. “I don’t know what to do.”
Agustín’s grip around her hands tightens, and she looks up at him. She still sees the fear in his eyes, but she sees the care too, and all she wants to do is to embrace him and cry out all of her emotions into his shoulder.
“I don’t know what to do either, and I’m scared too,” he replies. “Who wouldn’t be? But I will stick by your side through this, all of this. Pregnancy or not, you won’t have to do this alone. Never. We’ll figure this out together, okay?”
She nods. There’s still an extreme amount of fear in her as she’s thinking of her uncertain future, but she’s grateful that she knows Agustín will be there through it no matter how things turn out. He wouldn’t leave her alone to face the possible consequences herself, they would do it together.
They had talked about children before, several times. Children had always been something that Julieta knew she wanted in her life, and Agustín felt the same. One day they wanted to start a family together, but that was when they were older, married and settled and ready . Now was not the ideal time, when neither had even turned twenty two, they were young .
“My mamá is going to kill you.”
“I’m well aware of that already, but not even her wrath against me will stop me from helping you through this. I love you and will always be by your side, and if we end up having a baby I will make sure to be a good father to them. Nothing would ever keep me away from you or a possible family.”
Julieta hugs him tighter than she ever has before.
“You’re a great man, Agustín.”
At that moment she feels safe. Yes, the situation was terrifying and uncertain, and they had no idea how the future would turn out at that moment, but it was okay. Together it felt like they could get through everything, even the eventual gossip that would spread or the absolute anger and disappointment from Alma that might await them. With Agustín by her side, Julieta could do it.
Thankfully, Julieta would never have to comfort her mother about this.
A few days passed, days that were filled with anxiety as she and Agustín waited for an answer, for a sign on whatever it was, and then it happened. Like a gift sent from the angels, the young woman had woken up to bloodied sheets, and relief flooded through her as she ended up crying tears of joy. All of the anxiety she had built up without realizing it disappeared after a second, and she felt the happiest she had been in years. She had never been this happy in all of her life when it came to her menses. For once, she appreciated the presence of it like it was a divine sign from the lord.
Yes, one day she would want a child, but that day was not now. She wasn’t ready for that responsibility yet and she was grateful that her prayers seemed to have been answered.
She literally got herself ready in less than five minutes and then waited patiently for Agustín to arrive to join the family breakfast he had been invited to. The moment he arrived she grabbed him by the arm and ran to the other side of the house, looked around to make sure no one was near, and then told him.
“I got it! I got my monthly!”
One second passed, then another, as Agustín seemed to process what he heard. Then she saw the exact same look of relief spread across his face that she had felt earlier that morning.
“ Thank goodness! Alma won’t kill us.”
“I’ve never been this relieved in all of my life.”
“Me neither.”
For once, they seemed to have luck on their side.