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”Fuck no!”
Dr Sharon had suggested to Ted that he spend some time each week doing something that was just for him. To extend the care and kindness that he lavished on others to himself and focus on his own needs. Just once a week. How hard could that be? Well pretty darn impossible as it turned out. Because all the ways he knew to relax and unwind, involved looking after other people. (Or beer. Or whisky. But apparently drinking didn’t count as a ‘suitable self care activity’.)
He’d shared his homework troubles with Rebecca one morning over biscuits (her) and coffee (him), secretly hoping for absolution, that she’d agree with him that it was a silly assignment, and dismiss it in the same way she’d dismissed therapy as a whole, or not eating sugar.
“I think it’s a very sensible idea Ted. We need you well, and you can’t pour from an empty cup and all that.”
Hmm. Well that wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go.
“You of all people deserve to be looked after,” and she sounded so sincere it took him by surprise, “but if you’re struggling, how about you take some inspiration from others. Fake it til you make it! I’m sure there are plenty of people around here with all manner of ways of relaxing. You can just… be curious?” She raised an eyebrow. “I mean ideally steer clear of anything that will land you in the papers…”
“No ma’am. I’ll be leaving that to the boys.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” she laughed.
“But I sure do like the idea of trying some different things out for size. Now why didn’t I think of that? I guess that’s why you’re the boss, boss! I appreciate you.” He trotted off to training feeling like the task ahead of him was a little less impossible.
All of which was how he came to be in the coaches office, asking Roy whether he could join him and the yoga mums one evening. Based on his initial response, apparently he had some reservations.
“Sorry Ted. No offence. But the whole point is that they don’t know who the fuck I am and it’s got fuck all to do with football. Not sure that would quite work with my gaffer there.”
“Okay, I can see that. No problemo, forget I asked.” Ted busied himself with the nearest piece of paperwork, a little embarrassed but mainly relieved.
“What do you want to do yoga for anyway? I didn’t have you pinned as the stretchy silent type.” Roy’s eyebrows seemed as sceptical as their owner.
Ted sighed. “Oh I’m not. Well I don’t think I am. But the doc has given me homework to relax and I just didn’t know where to start, so the boss suggested I try some of the things that y’all enjoy doing”
Roy nodded. “Fair enough. Well if I were you, I’d start with something you know you’re going to enjoy.” He checked his watch. “You free now?”
“As a bird, Thora Hird!”
“Come on then, grab your jacket, I’ve got something I think you’ll like a bit more than downward fucking dog.”
Roy led them out of the training building to the car park. “We’ll take my car. And I’m in charge of the stereo!”
Not a word was said when the Moana soundtrack came through the sound system. Eerily hearing the unspoken question Roy growled “Phoebe likes it.” He paused. “And it’s a fucking masterpiece.”
Ted smiled and settled himself into the leather passenger seat. “So tell me, where in the world does the great Roy Kent go for a guaranteed good time?”
Roy snorted. “You’ve already ruined my kebab place, figured I may as well let you spoil my dessert place as well.” But his lips twitched in his version of a smile as he said it.
After twenty minutes or so of stop start traffic, they pulled up outside a brightly coloured shopfront. Ted read the sign and tried to disguise a chuckle under a well timed moustache rub. “Udderlicious?”
Roy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I thought you’d like that. Come on.”
He exchanged a silent nod with the man behind the counter, and led them through the main parlour, past brightly coloured bunting and pom poms, and - was that a swing seat? - until they reached a table in an alcove.
“I found this place when I was at Chelsea. The owner was a fan, always found me a table out of the way so the paps wouldn’t be able to stick their cameras in my face. Plus it was far enough away that word wouldn’t get back to the nutritionists. Anyway, I sometimes come back on special occasions. Like cheering up moping fucking Americans before they pull a hamstring.” he added pointedly.
“Well I am suitably honoured. So whaddaya reccomend?”
Ted chose chocolate and peanut butter (‘They go together like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively”), Roy went for vegan Rocky Road (“Dairy free” he muttered without offering further explanation). They sat with matching sprinkle cones, exchanging stories of notable ice creams in their lives, favourite flavours, agreeing that frozen yoghurt was a (fucking) abomination, and eventually sitting in what for Ted was an unusually comfortable silence (though for Roy it was pretty standard).
And it felt good, to sit with a friend, to peel a bit more of the Roy onion, to try something new. He couldn’t imagine this would become a regular trip (though he’d absolutely be taking Henry as soon as he could get a visit arranged). But he’d tried doing something just for him, and it wasn’t awful, and he spent the journey back to Richmond thinking that maybe this might not be a totally terrible idea after all.
—-------------------
The phone rang out for a few seconds before it was answered.
“Ted! It’s so good to hear from you, I miss you!!”
“Hey Keeley, is now a good time?”
“It’s pretty crazy here honestly, but I will always have time for my second favourite Richmond coach.”
“Well I won’t tell Beard you said that, you’d break his stoic little heart!”
“Aw, he’s joint second. What do you need babe?
Ted was pacing around his kitchen. “Well it’s kind of embarrassing. No, not embarrassing, personal. Well not personal exactly but… sensitive? No that’s not it either…”
“Ok I’m getting worried now, do we have a PR issue coming my way?”
“No! Nothing like that. I just want to get a massage.”
“Is that like, a euphemism?”
“No! I’m just trying to look after myself a bit better, and the ride on lawnmower doesn’t seem to be doing the trick with my sciatica any more, and Roy didn’t seem too keen on my joining his yoga group. So I thought a massage might be a good idea. And I know I could ask one of the sports therapists, but the smell of deep heat and soccer boots isn’t one I find too relaxing, plus I don’t really like the idea of shedding clothes in front of any of my colleagues…” (And if his mind helpfully added “apart from one” then he was blessedly relieved that at least that thought had stayed on the inside)
“So then I asked Jamie because I know he likes his treatments but I’m pretty sure he got the wrong end of the stick, and anyways I figured you like your fancy spa days and maybe you could recommend somewhere sweet smellin’ and secluded for me to go that won’t land me in a heap o’ trouble.”
Keeley giggled. “Of course! I know exactly where you should go. I’ll ping you over the deets, tell them I sent you. I’d offer to come with you, but it is mad busy here, and if Rebecca found out I’d bunked off on a spa day and not taken her I think she’d murder both of us!”
“Oh hey no, I understand. A recommendation from Keeley Jones, Woman on Top, will be just fine and dandy. I appreciate you Keels!”
—-------------------
The smells of sandalwood and citrus were relaxing and pleasantly far removed from the locker room fug he was used to The standard issue “Now That’s What I Call Zen” spa music was as soothing as it was formulaic, and the feeling of being totally free of both decisions and small talk for forty five minutes was more enjoyable than he had expected it to be.
It felt strange to be touched so intimately by someone he not only didn’t know, but wouldn’t know. (Keeley had sent him a list of do’s and don’ts ahead of time and apparently talking non stop to the therapist was frowned upon.)
He had stocked up on hugs from Henry in Kansas at Christmas, and there was never any shortage of back slaps or fist bumps from his Greyhounds, but being touched deliberately, warm hands on bare skin, was something he’d not experienced for longer than he cared to think about. And if his mind wandered sometimes to a different pair of hands, perfectly manicured, and an entirely non-spa based scenario, well that wasn’t something he was prepared to think about too deeply just now. He was saved from going too far down that mental path by the occasional pleasure-pain of the therapist digging their thumbs into stubborn knots of muscle, grounding him in the here and now.
He left feeling equal parts relaxed and exhausted, messaged Keeley to thank her for the recommendation, and went home and napped for the rest of the afternoon.
—-------------------
Riding a bike wasn’t exactly the same as riding a horse, but it certainly was uncomfortable. Ted was grateful to at least have two wheels to himself (he had no desire to recreate the tandem incident) but for something that was meant to be like - well, riding a bike - he was not finding it easy.
He followed Beard, trusting in his better knowledge of the route, trying to focus less on his butt and more on the scenery, which - give it its due - was pretty stunning. It was crisp and cold, but the skies were clear blue and the roads weren’t icy. The combination of bright sunshine and fresh air on his face was welcome, and he wondered if maybe he might be just a little bit solar powered as he felt himself begin to recharge. It didn’t hurt that concentrating on staying on the right (wrong) side of the road was just challenging enough to keep his brain occupied either.
They’d headed west, crossing the river and pedalling through Twickenham and Strawberry Hill (which sounded like something out of a Beatles song), and had now reached Bushy Park. It still blew Ted’s mind how on this tiny little island there could be such huge green spaces snuck right inside the city. Up ahead, Beard had pulled off the main path and dismounted. Ted did the same and was delighted to find that what he’d assumed was a water bottle on his friend’s bike was actually a thermos, and two coffees were now being poured.
“I love your commitment to caffeine, Coach. I appreciate you.” He rested his bike against a bench and stretched his quads, twisting his waist to give his lower back some relief. He looked admiringly at his friend, resplendent in tights and long sleeved jersey in a kaleidoscope of vibrant colours. “That’s quite the outfit you’ve got goin’ on there Beardo. Ain’t noone gonna miss you comin’!”
“Jane says I’m a MAMIL.”
Ted cocked an eyebrow. “And that is…?”
“A middle aged man in Lycra.” Beard explained.
“Is that a compliment?” Ted asked gently.
“I’m still not sure.” He thought on that for a moment then decided to move on. “So how’s the search for inner peace going?”
Ted settled on the bench, looking out across the park. “I’m not sure it’s working Coach. Tell you the truth I’m startin’ to feel a little bit like Goldilocks. I appreciate you bringing me along and all, but I keep on trying things that belong to other people and they’re just not quite right.”
Beard joined him. “The aim of this little project is to make you happy. So what would make you happy?”
Maybe it was the early start, or the caffeine, or the sore butt but Ted was surprised to hear himself raising his voice to snap “Well knowing when i’m next going to see my son would be a damn good start!”.
Beard shot him a now we’re getting somewhere look. “So, talk to Michelle. Or use some of your not inconsiderable Premier League salary and get a lawyer to help you talk to Michelle. I admire that you’re following the good doc’s advice but I’m pretty sure missing your kid isn’t something you can fix with a bubble bath.”
Ted sighed. “You sure do make it sound simple.”
“I know it isn’t. But it’s not going to just fix itself. Michelle’s not a monster. She’s a good person, so are you. It’s been two years, and it’s okay to want to discuss this. So make the call.” He drained the last of his coffee and shrugged. “Once that’s done maybe you’ll find the porridge a bit more to your taste.”
“The porridge?” Ted furrowed his forehead.
“Metaphor, Goldilocks.” Beard slid the flask back into its cage and picked up his bike. “ Ok let’s head back. It’s all downhill from here.”
“Also a metaphor?”
“We can only hope, Coach.”
—----------------
“Hello love,” Higgins walked into the living room and leant in to give Julie a kiss. “I found Ted asleep in his office so I invited him to join us for this evening.”
“Oh how lovely, it’s great to see you Ted.” She wrapped him in a welcoming hug. “Burning the candle at both ends?”
“Something like that..” he stopped as he realised the living room was filled with literal candles. “Am I intruding? I can head on home..”
“Not at all! I think this might be just what you need.” She handed him a large mug of hot chocolate. “It’s Hygge Night!”
“I have no idea what that means but Hygge with the Higginses sure sounds good!”
Julie laughed, “I’m not sure it’s terribly authentic! But I got chatting to a lovely midfielder from Denmark a couple of seasons ago, and he was telling me all about it. Hygge is all about being cosy and comfortable, taking pleasure in the small things, and I thought it sounded like just the thing to cheer up dreary winter evenings. We do it every so often when the days get shorter. Anyway, make yourself comfy, grab a blanket and a book, and just relax.”
It probably should have been awkward sitting under blankets in a candlelit room with the Director of Football Operations and his wife, but there was something about Leslie and Julie together that just exuded warmth and welcome, and the kind of peace he knew he was searching for himself. Then he realised something.
“It’s awfully quiet, what have you done with your boys?”
“Oh they hate it.” Higgins answered, deadpan. “They think it’s ‘cringe’, so the deal is that they don’t have to join in as long as they keep themselves occupied and don’t disturb us.”
“Exactly.” Julie confirmed. “Screentime for them, downtime for us. It’s genius really.”
Ted smiled a little wistfully.
“Leslie tells me you’ve been discussing a proper custody arrangement with Michelle? That’s good news. I know they drive me mad, but I can’t imagine not having the boys under my feet. You must miss him terribly.” Julie gave his knee a little squeeze over the blanket.
“I really do. But I think we’re getting somewhere. Light at the end of the tunnel, you know?”
“I’m so pleased for you. And we can always lend you a boy or two when he comes to visit, so he’s got someone his own age to hang out with. Right, you stay there and relax, dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”
The boys all thundered downstairs once the food was ready (“Like a plague of locusts” Higgins lamented), and Ted enjoyed sitting at the family table, listening to the good natured bickering, and eating Julie’s famous chilli con carne. Once he’d helped to clear up, he reluctantly made a move.
“Thank you both for taking me in for the evening, I have loved spending some time in your happy home. But I better get back, I need to make Rebecca’s biscuits before I head to bed.”
Julie looked at him quizzically. “Rebecca’s biscuits?”
“Oh yes,” Leslie chimed in, “Ted makes Rebecca biscuits and brings them to her every morning. She loves them. Won’t eat any others.”
“Goodness, that’s very sweet. Sorry, I hadn’t realised you two were…”
“Oh no, we’re not! It’s just a nice way to start the day. Biscuits with the Boss!”
“Biscuits with the Boss?” Julie looked utterly perplexed. “That you bake yourself and bring her every day? Have you done that for a lot of your bosses Ted?”
He scratched the back of his neck, “Now that you come to mention it…”
Julie gave him a warm hug. “She’s lucky to have you. Happy baking.”
—----------------
Rebecca had enjoyed hearing little snippets from Ted about his expeditions, delivered along with her Tuesday morning biscuits each week. She knew that as a good friend, it was important that she encouraged him, especially when he clearly found the idea of doing anything for himself so alien. She knew he was a grown man, he didn’t need her to worry about him, and yet she couldn’t quite help herself. Still, she had been a little disappointed that he seemed to be working his way around half the club and their partners but hadn’t thought to ask her to join him on any of his adventures. So when she had received a text message on Sunday evening, asking if she was free after work tomorrow she couldn’t help but be just a little bit delighted at the prospect.
She knocked briskly at the front door of his flat, eyes sparkling and face pink because the cold and absolutely definitely for no other reason.
The door was opened by a casual looking Ted, wearing jeans, a petrol blue sweater and a bright smile. “Hey boss, come on in.”
He took and hung up her coat and Rebecca followed him into the kitchen. “So what’s the plan of action for tonight Coach Lasso? Roller blading? Pottery throwing? I have to say where you’re involved the possibilities always seem endless,” she added with an enthusiastic smile.
“Hmm, well I would love to see you roller blade, but I’m not sure if tonight is gonna be quite that exciting.” He opened the fridge. “Drink?”
“I thought Doctor Sharon said that didn’t count?”
“You got me.” He smiled a little bashfully and held out a cold beer, which she happily took. “But drinking isn’t the focus of the evening so I think that’s ok.”
“Okay, now I’m definitely intrigued - what is the focus of the evening?”
He looked at his feet, a slight flush rising. “Beard gave me a little bit of tough love a couple of weeks back, helped me see some things.”
“Oh?” She looked at him curiously. “Well that sounds positive - isn’t it?”
“Yep. Yeah it’s real good. He might be a man of few words but it’s quality not quantity I guess.”
She laughed. “That’s an understatement. So am I permitted to ask what this tough love consisted of?”
“He helped me see that I’ve been going about this all backwards. Kinda like rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic, though come to think of it that’s a little disrespectful to all those folks who were involved… Anyway, what I mean is, I’ve been focussing on all these things to do, to try and help me relax, but I can’t relax because I haven’t fixed the big stuff.”
Rebecca began to feel a nervous prickle up her neck. This was all getting a bit more serious than rollerblading. “And what is the big stuff?”
“Well first of all, I want to be a present father for Henry. A few weeks in the summer just isn’t enough.”
Rebecca swallowed. This really wasn’t the direction she thought tonight had been heading in, she felt totally unprepared and more than a little panicky.
“So, what are you saying? Are you about to hand me another takeaway menu?”
“What? Oh no! No, absolutely not. No, I’ve spoken to Michelle and we’re working out a proper custody arrangement. Henry spending more time with me here, and dates all planned out in advance so we all know what’s happening.”
The relief radiated off her in waves as she realised he wasn’t planning to leave. “That’s fantastic Ted. Really, I’m so pleased for you. And for Henry! It’s really wonderful. You both deserve it.”
“It’s not quite a done deal yet. But we’re talking about it, and that’s progress you know?”
“I do. I’m proud of you.” Apparently relieved Rebecca had lost some of her filter.
“So anyways, while I’m on a roll I thought I’d do some more asking for what I really want.”
Rebecca looked over at him, he was looking uncharacteristically nervous.
“Ted. You know where I’m concerned you only ever have to ask. You do so much for everyone around you. If you need anything, I’d like to help. Just say the word”
“Well I’ve been thinking about what it is that really makes me happy, and trying all these new things, and it turns out, I already know what I enjoy.”
“Great.” She smiled brightly. “So how can I help?”
“It’s Biscuits with the Boss.”
“What?” She let out a little exasperated laugh. “But that’s something you do for me, not you!”
“Well I’m not so sure about that. I mean the makin’ them is kinda like a form of meditation nowadays I’ve been doin’ it so long. But I wasn’t really meaning the makin’. It’s the eating I enjoy.”
Rebecca wrinkled her forehead, perplexed. “But you don’t eat them?”
“S’true. But you do. I get to sit on the Rebecca Welton’s sofa, and we have a little chat. You seem to like listening to me yammering on more than is reasonable and if I’m really lucky I’ll get to witness a little Rebecca Ramble. So yeah, a lot of times that the high point of my day.”
“The high point of..?” Well. Oh. Goodness.
“Anyways, I know you can’t just sit eatin’ biscuits all day, I mean you’ve got a job to do, and so do I, and I’m sure your dentist wouldn’t be too happy with me, so I was thinking maybe we could try having dinner together? Now I have tried and tried and I just can’t come up with a good name for it - I mean Supper with my Superior really is not the vibe I’m going for and Wontons with Welton kind of limits us on cuisine, but anyway,” and he finally paused for breath, “Would you like to?”
“Would I like to have dinner with you?”
“Yes please.”
“Because you like spending time with me.”
“I really do.”
“And getting to do more of that would make you happy?”
“It would.”
She launched herself forward, crashing into him, and wrapping him into a tight hug. “I think that might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
He let out a little relieved laugh and spoke into the side of her head. “Well I’m only tellin’ you the truth. So is that a yes?”
She pulled back to look him in the eye. Raised a manicured finger. “Will there be dessert?”
Ted eyed her carefully “Ok, I’m honestly not sure right now if you’re flirting or you just have a really sweet tooth, so I’m just gonna say yes and hope that’s the right answer”
She grinned. “It’s always the right answer. But I want us both to be able to relax, which means no being peered at or papped in a restaurant and no slaving away in the kitchen.”
“Okay?”
“So how would you feel about ‘Takeaway with Ted’?”
His face lit up, “Ooh, I like that! Has a real nice ring to it. Hmm, now if I go get a menu out you’re not gonna panic that I’m resigning or anythin’”
“Oi!” She swatted him on the arm as he headed for the noticeboard. “You should be bloody flattered that I care enough to panic.”
He chuckled. “Oh I am, don’t you worry about that.”
“Also, I don’t know if you’ve heard, you can order on an app now. No menu needed. Honestly, it’s revolutionary!” she teased as she headed into the living room.
They sat side by side on the sofa, picking a couple of favourite dishes each to share. Order placed, Rebecca turned to Ted.
“So, this asking for what you want. Is that something I could try, do you think? I mean it sounds fucking mortifying but it seems to have gone quite well for you”
“Only one way to find out…” and his eyes sparkled.
She bit her lip. Took a breath. “Ok then, while we’re waiting for the food to arrive, maybe we could try… Kissing with the Coach?”
Ted’s perfect eyebrows leapt up to his hairline before a broad dimpled grin spread across his face. She leant into him before she could overthink it any more, and pressed her lips to his, just gently, testing, not wanting to take more than she should. She pulled back and looked into his eyes, seeking permission, before kissing him again, still carefully but a little deeper, more insistent. Words were a bloody nightmare but maybe she could use her lips another way to help him understand just how much he meant to her. She ran a hand through his hair, and judging by the contented little noises he was making and the way he was opening his mouth, wrapping an arm around her to bring her right against his chest, maybe he was getting the message just fine. Maybe they both were.
Eventually, they stopped to catch their breath. Ted looked at her adoringly, tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “Kissin’ with the Coach, huh? You been thinking on that one for a while?”
She blushed and rested her forehead on his shoulder. “Maybe. What is it you people say - I plead the fifth?”
He chuckled. “No need for that darlin’, I won’t be holding that against you.” He ran his fingers down her arms. “I’m just pleased to hear I haven’t been the only one thinking about this.”
She lifted her head, looked at him, still her turn to be brave, opening herself up to the possibility of rejection. “And what is this?”
He cocked his head, looked back at her, “If it’s ok with you, then I was hoping maybe it could be the start of a Relationship with Rebecca?”
She exhaled, shoulders relaxing, smile widening. “You are ridiculous.” but she said it so softly, and with such a fond roll of her eyes, that Ted thought maybe ridiculous wasn’t such a bad thing to be after all. “That’s more than ok with me.” She raised her hand to his cheek and kissed him again. “In fact, that sounds perfect.”
—-------------------
The following Monday was Valentine’s Day.
Rebecca arranged a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to Doctor Sharon as the homework had been her idea.
She liked it even more than the bottled water.