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The next game room is nothing like the previous ones. The walls are a stark white, and all around is an artificial light that casts a harsh glow on the players.
Sunghoon squints as he enters the room, trailing behind Jongseong who walks side by side with Jungwon. Their steps are slow and unrushed, and a scoff rumbles in Sunghoon’s throat.
There’s lots of space for the remaining 39 players, yet Sunghoon finds himself huddled in the corner with his knees up to his chest. The position is awkward, but it’s better than standing, and the little breakfast he had did nothing to give him the energy he needed.
Sunghoon watches as Jake helps Jungwon sit, with Heeseung standing nearby, his arms crossed and gaze sharp. Sunghoon takes a look at Heeseung, feeling slightly uneasy. His aura isn’t unfamiliar, since Sunghoon himself has been told of his unapproachable and intimidating appearance. But something about Heeseung simply throws him off.
He looks like he’s always watching, always learning, and always ready to survive. It doesn’t help that survival is all that counts in this game either. Sunghoon blinks and looks away, washing away his slow-burning anxiety with a cool glare.
To pass the time and clear his head, he thinks of his family. He thinks of Riki as the doors shut, and on his fingers, he counts how many of his brother’s birthdays he’s missed. He frowns; his eye twitches when he runs out of fingers.
‘Fuck,’ he thinks, as he pushes down the lump before it starts to grow in his throat.
“Players!” the wispy voice comes through from wherever. There’s a faint groan from the other players when the announcement comes, and Sunghoon can’t say he blames them for their irritation. The announcer always sounded so happy, so preppy in a situation and place like this, and it simply pissed him off. The owners and guards involved in this game never failed to make Sunghoon lose more of his faith in humanity.
The woman continues, despite the unsettling tension in the crowd, and the dismay on every player’s face. It’s a swift reminder that this world waits for no one, and it’s a reminder that forces Sunghoon to keep a dagger in his pocket.
“This game shall be played in pairs. Every player must find a partner for this game. You will be given 10 minutes to do so. Once you’ve found your partner, shake hands to show that you’ve settled on your decision.”
Heeseung curses from where he’s standing a few metres away. Jay’s eyes flit to him for a moment, and it’s like a light bulb goes off and gears turn, because he looks away just as quickly. Sunghoon’s head pounds as the announcement is repeated for the second time.
If Riki was here, Sunghoon would pick him in a heartbeat.
The pale skinned teenager watches as people shuffle over to their allies; he sees an elderly couple hug each other, completely forgetting that they were supposed to shake hands. Sunghoon wonders for a moment if they’d share that same affection for each other if they were the last players left in the game.
Jungwon murmurs from his place on the floor, “Can you find a partner for me, hyung?”
Jake and Jay look down at Jungwon at the same time, but it’s Jay who bends down to stare at him fondly. Had he grown close to the sickly younger boy in just a couple of hours? The entire group watches as Jay reaches his hand out for Jungwon, and it pains Sunghoon to see how quickly Jungwon places his dainty hand in his hyung’s.
The timer at the edge of Sunghoon’s vision taunts him, and at the five minute mark, Sunghoon figures it’s his time to find a partner of his own. Jake, who’s too endearing for his own good, has partnered with Heeseung on the grounds that they’re both bilingual. It leaves Sunghoon alone in the group like Han Minyeo, who desperately clings to every male she sees, her eyes wide and full of fear.
Jake looks at Sunghoon apologetically with his puppy eyes and Sunghoon looks away. He stands, looking around discreetly. He feels more desperate as the seconds tick by, but it’d pain him to run around screeching like Minyeo.
He almost wants to give up; sit back down in his corner and face the consequences of not getting a partner before the time ran out. He scoffs, thinking about how Jungwon would complain about Sunghoon dying before him.
“Hello there! Would you like to partner up with me?”
There’s a boy standing in front of him, and boy is his smile the most annoying thing he’s seen since the doll. Sunghoon recognizes him as the player from the previous game. His hair is the color of vanilla, and there’s a faint spray of freckles on his cheeks. He looks at Sunghoon with a twinkle in his eyes, and it confuses and inspires him at the same time.
“You don’t look like you’re scared of dying,” Sunghoon muses, only saying the truth in his eyes. He watches as the boy’s smile drops a little, quickly replaced by a seemingly half hearted scowl.
The bright boy rolls his eyes, “I'm surprised the first thing you're saying to me isn't a polite offer to stab me to death. It seems like you’re in need of a partner, Sixty-seven.”
A protest bubbles on the tip of Sunghoon’s tongue, but a quick look at the three minute mark tells him it’s not the right place, and definitely not the right time. Sunghoon sighs, a tinge of annoyance in his tone. He asks, “Why me?”
The player smiles wide, as though he had prepared for this question. “You’re tall and look strong enough. I’m smaller and a bit agile. We’d be unstoppable, don’t you think?”
The boy’s points make a little bit of sense to Sunghoon, but his smile throughout explaining keeps him from taking him seriously. He’s about to go look for another partner or sit back down when the stranger suddenly grabs his arm.
Without wasting a beat, Sunghoon shrugs his arm out of the stranger's grip.
He doesn’t look bothered by it. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure we win. I’ll make sure you don’t die today.”
Now that’s something that interests Sunghoon. It sounds so funny and desperate that he thinks this stranger is reaching Minyeo’s level.
“Oh really?” he drawls, “Why and how would you do that?”
The boy shrugs, but there’s still a smile on his face. It’s smaller, but annoying all the same. “You seem like someone who doesn’t have a reason to die.”
‘Don’t we all?’ Sunghoon wants to ask, but Minyeo’s cries get louder, and Sunghoon feels his eye twitch. He stares at the stranger, trying to find any form of ill intent. The stranger only looks back at him, before slowly raising his hand. Sunghoon doesn’t look at it, and only thanks his North Korean star for the dagger in his pocket. He grips the stranger’s hand, ignoring the way it sends warmth tingling through him.
“If something goes wrong, I’ll kill you before they do.”
The strange player stops shaking Sunghoon’s hand, but continues to hold it. He smiles brightly at him, and it causes a different type of swirl in Sunghoon’s gut. His eyes wander to Sunghoon’s pocket, and he feels his gaze burn through the fabric.
“I’m glad you’re a man of your word.”
-
The player had asked Sunghoon to call him Sun. For whatever reason, Sunghoon shrugged and did just that.
The guards lead the players into a new room, where the game is to be played. It’s designed to resemble a compound of houses, and Sunghoon lets his mind run over the different games associated with this setting.
Sun inches closer to Sunghoon, and he has to tiptoe to whisper, “Maybe it’s an old game? These houses don’t look too modern.”
His partner is right. The houses have an old nostalgic feel to them, and Sunghoon internally keeps a mental image of the house for when he wins and gets his mother to the South with his brother. The others in Sunghoon’s team are scattered around the place, and for a split second he wishes he could get Jay’s input. He could only hope Sun knew his games.
The guards follow the lot’s every move, and it takes Sunghoon a lot of willpower to not knock one of them out. The announcer comes in just then, distracting him quickly.
“Welcome to the fourth game. Each pair will be assigned a guard, and in this guard’s hands are what you need for this game.”
A guard pokes Sun in the back with the butt of his gun, and holds out his hand to him. In his palm are too small pouches, and when Sun takes his and looks inside, his eyebrows furrow. Sunghoon follows suit, and for a moment his mind goes blank.
“For this game, you’ll be playing with marbles. In each bag there are ten marbles. You and your partner must choose any game of your choice and play. The time limit for this game is 30 minutes. The individual with the least number of marbles by the end of the limit, or rather, whoever loses based on whatever game you choose, will be eliminated.”
Sunghoon’s heart drops to his stomach and stays there, as time freezes and every process in his body ceases to work. Sun recovers from the shock first; his head whips to face Sunghoon, his eyes blown wide. The atmosphere is tense even as the announcer repeats the rules of the game. The silence blends into chaos with a cacophony of protests, but the guards shove the objectors to the ground and ram their guns into their bodies.
Something dawns on Sunghoon when his heart starts to work again, resorting to pumping aggressively inside his chest. Either he or Sun would have to die.
“We’re screwed,” Sunghoon says so softly that he’s not sure if his lips ever moved. There’s misery all around as the partners express their anguish, since most of them had chosen their loved ones and friends. Sunghoon fades in and out of a disoriented state; his lungs feel heavy, like he's being drowned over and over again.
Sun finally reacts, and it’s a simple scoff from what Sunghoon’s addled mind can comprehend. “How convenient,” he adds.
Sunghoon’s fingers find themselves in his hair, feeling greasier than he’d prefer but he can’t bring himself to care. He speaks a little louder now, looking up at Sun, “We’re fucked.”
Sun sports a weak smile, and Sunghoon’s confusion fizzles out. What sparks in its place? Anger.
His partner is either stupid, or painfully oblivious to the fact that Sunghoon is making a hard debate on whether to kill him now or not. Sun bends, resting his hands on his knees. “Slow down with the cussing, I’m pretty sure these guys are capable of washing out mouths with soap.”
Sunghoon stares. Hard. He almost can't believe how much of a kid his partner acts like. He stands, barely aware of his own actions, and half wondering if there’s any oxygen reaching his brain at all. He spits, “Listen. I don’t care if you want to waste your life away. Believe me, I don’t give a fuck. But I have a reason to win this, and I’m not going to let you smile like an idiot and behave like a child when you have no reason to.”
Sun's smile dampens while he listens, but what pisses Sunghoon off is the fact that it’s still there. Sun nods, replying, “The time has started. Let’s find somewhere to sit and figure all this out. We’ll be okay.”
Sunghoon stares at his partner like he has 40 billion won and a free ticket for one to South Korea. He scoffs aggressively, before he pushes his way past Sun and straight into a guard. The guard stands before sunghoon, blocking him from leaving. The boy slams into the guard, his brain only working in dying bursts. The guard recovers and shoves the butt of his gun into Sunghoon’s arm, before kicking him down to the ground. Sunghoon grunts on the ground, cradling his arm to his body.
He makes eye contact with an artificial sky, before soon enough the other player is standing over him. He’s still smiling, although it looks more cautious now. He stretches out a hand towards Sunghoon, and Sunghoon smacks it away, opting to sit up on his own.
Sun looks at him for a while, unsaid emotions swimming in his eyes. A gunshot pierces the air and it's loud, not too far away, and it brings Sunghoon back to reality, and his brain back online.
Sun says as grimly as possible with a smile on his face, “Five minutes are already up. Let’s sit over there.”
He’s pointing to a corner sheltered by the fake houses nearby. Sunghoon raises his eyebrow in suspicion, but feels the guards presence and the weight in his pocket. He stands and nods, letting the strange player lead him there. As he walks over to the corner, he thinks of the ways he could slit Sun’s throat from cheek to cheek, to land him in a box, forever carrying a twisted, custom smile.
-
Sun sits down first, shoving his pouch into his pocket. Sunghoon frowns.
“Aren’t we going to play?” he asks, leaning against the wall opposite from Sun. He makes a little noise, before he shakes his head.
“A simple game isn't going to take that long. I was thinking we should wait till there’s a little time left.”
Sunghoon doesn’t really see a problem with that, so he lets his eyes and brain wander as best as he can in this situation. A gunshot sounds, alongside a shriek. Sunghoon sighs; how had people not gotten used to this already?
Another gunshot sounds, and Sunghoon takes a breath to calm himself. He turns to the stranger, who’s fingering his pouch and staring ahead of him. “What game do you suggest we play?”
The player faces him, and he hums, his eyes fluttering as he thinks. He shakes his head. There’s a soft lilt in his voice as he replies, “All these people are playing old games. We should invent our own, you know? Really go out with a bang!”
Sunghoon glares at his partner. Sun spends a split second in glee, as though he’d forgotten the situation he’s in. He mouths an apology, and Sunghoon holds up a hand. He doesn’t really care about what game he’d like to play, seeing as he could end up dead either way. He looks to the guard in question, and when the guard nods, he does too.
His partner squeals and pats the space behind him, “Come sit down; I know you’re tired of that artificial wall. We can talk to pass the time.”
Sunghoon shrugs and goes to sit next to his partner. He can smell the faint yet unmistakable scent of lemon, and holds his knees up to his chest.
A sudden movement Sunghoon sees in the corner of his eye catches his attention. His partner is already watching the commotion beside them, where the couple from earlier are trying to run away from their guard. The male is pulling his spouse by the arm, almost shielding her with his body.
“Please, I’ll do anything, don’t take her away from me,” he wails, his voice rising and falling, before completely giving out in the end. It’s silent for a while as Sunghoon watches the couple with a sliver of interest. He counts down the seconds, and there it is, the routine boom from the gun. A loud thud follows the gunshot, and Sunghoon looks away as the man wails in a tone so feral it’s surprising.
Sunghoon turns his attention to his partner now; he’s shaking his head and staring at the trail of blood on the ground. He turns to Sunghoon, as though he knew he was watching. “Tragic,” he says, sounding a tad muted.
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, trying to pretend the lump in his throat isn't there. “They signed up to be here. We all did.”
The player rests his head on his hand and begins to zone out, “It’s interesting to see just how far these people would go for money, isn’t it?”
Sunghoon is confused. The player sounds displaced, like he was a mere voyeur and not a player in this fucked up game himself. He replies, “It doesn’t matter as long as that money goes into my account. Isn't that why you're here too?”
Sun stiffens. Sunghoon waits a few beats, and soon enough there’s a smile on his face again. Sunghoon doesn’t think he should be surprised or infuriated anymore; if this guy wanted to smile while he bled out on the floor, so be it.
Sun regards Sunghoon for a moment. He asks, “If you were to get all that money in your account, what would you do with it?”
The question is not foreign to Sunghoon; not when he’s been thinking it over since he came to Korea with Riki. He’s not entirely sure if he should share it with a random stranger who still smiles in a case like this. But one look at Sun confirms his fears, and more importantly, reminds him of the pocket knife on him. He figures one of them would be dead in about twenty five minutes, so what would the harm be?
Sunghoon tightens his grip around his legs. “Like that bastard, Yeonjun, had been yapping about on the first day, yes, I defected from the North. And I want to be able to bring my mother here.”
He chokes on those last words and it's not at all a reaction he was expecting. He continues either way. If he could get used to blood flowing, why not tears? “I want to give my brother all the gifts he asked for. I want to fulfill the promises I gave him. I will give him the life he deserves.”
His partner doesn’t reply right away. He uses this time of silence (amidst the random gunshots) to compose himself. His partner takes this all in, and Sunghoon tries not to think about how disappointed Riki must be in him as a brother.
He finally speaks. “Okay, but what do you really want?”
The question comes as a shock, an actual slap in the face. Sunghoon blinks. “Excuse me?”
The player continues, “Those all sound like obligations. What do you want to do? For yourself?”
Sunghoon blinks again. In his mind, he draws at a blank. What does he want to do? He’s never thought about it before. The player waits a few moments, probably thinking that Sunghoon doesn't know where to start. But Sunghoon shrugs and fiddles with his fingers.
The player snorts, “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’ve never thought about it before?”
Sunghoon barely had time to grab a proper meal for himself, for fuck's sake. He mostly stole scraps from the people he’d met while trying to bring his mother safely out of the North. He thinks over it hard, because for some damn reason, a piece of him craves his partner's validation. He gets a faint idea, yet the more he thinks about it, the more sure he is about wanting it.
“Jeju Island. It'd be nice to go there.”
The player’s smile widens. “Really? Jeju? I’ve never been. I’ve heard it’s beautiful though.”
Sunghoon nods, his throat feeling dry as though he’s been suffocated by beach's sand. He can already see it; getting his toes and back disgustingly sticky with wet sand, splashing water at Riki, singing him countless birthday songs to make up for all the ones he’s missed.
"I hear they have cocktails too," the player adds.
A thought pops into Sunghoon’s mind: Riki accidentally drinking an alcoholic drink and scrunching his face like the last time he mistook soju for water. Sunghoon hums, not knowing that he looks like a giddy fool.
His partner does though, and he proceeds to playfully tut. “No, no. I can hear you thinking from here. You want to send your family over too?”
Sunghoon shrugs, his voice suddenly soft with the wispiness of his fantasies and the sheer delight they carry. "There’s no one else I'd rather bring.”
The player nods slowly, but soon enough he’s brightening anyway. Sunghoon fears he’s starting to feel indifferent towards the stranger’s smile. It reminds him of his brother’s never ending positivity. “The idea of cocktails does sound nice though. Have you ever had a mojito?”
Sunghoon shakes his head, not even bothering to form the syllables on his tongue. Sun looks so delighted that he feels a pang of wanting; perhaps he’d like to taste this cocktail if he had the chance and wasn't in this hell hole.
The player exclaims, “It’s very good. Very tasty and refreshing. We should both try it one time. You should take me to Jeju with you.”
Sunghoon starts to smile, until a nearby gunshot sends his blood pumping again. He blinks, realization flooding his mind, but Sun has already realized his mistake. “Sorry,” he says, the bashful smile in his voice making him sound not sorry at all.
The situation is almost funny, and Sunghoon presses his lips together to keep from laughing.
Sun sighs. "Why are people so fucked up?"
Sunghoon doesn’t answer, but he knows Sun wasn’t expecting one any way. He feels his nerves spike as the timer reaches the fifteen minute mark; he wonders where all the time went. To distract himself, he looks towards his partner, staring at the mole on his cheek.
“What’s your reason for being here?” Sunghoon asks, as he thinks it’s an easy topic starter and not necessarily a touchy one. The player stops fidgeting with his fingers, and rather rests his head against the wall. He won’t look at Sunghoon.
He watches the guards stroll around the area where they sit and replies, “I don’t know, to be honest. I don’t have a specific reason why I’m here.”
Sunghoon stiffens. It shouldn’t bother him what this player’s reasons are, but the smile attached makes it so infuriating. He sharply turns to face the boy, and rolls his eyes. “Bullshit,” he seethes, ignoring the way the guard inches closer. His partner doesn't react differently, only letting the corner of his lip quirk up. But Sunghoon is in a bad mood right now, and the realization that he's about to die does nothing for it.
Sun watches as Sunghoon’s chest heaves with anger, and waits patiently until his breathing slows and he slacks completely.
He asks softly, " What's it like having a loving family?"
Sunghoon doesn't understand why this stranger's question is so out of place; so unnecessary, yet carrying so much depth that it's almost painful.
And so Sunghoon decides to ask a question of his own. "Why do you hate that pastor?"
Sun bursts into laughter, but it's as tense and unfit for the situation they're in. When he stops laughing, there's a twinkle in his eyes, and despite all the irritation Sunghoon has for him, he can't help but admire the light hazel that surrounds his pupil.
"I don't hate him," the stranger murmurs. "I hate people like him."
Sunghoon doesn't press; he knows there's a deeper meaning to what this guy is telling him. He folds his legs beneath him and waits.
The stranger obliges without a moment's hesitation. It almost shocks Sunghoon with how much trust he's putting in him. It only reminds Sunghoon of the impending doom that waits for either of them.
"My mother's husband was a pastor. The community respected him, and his name was always on everyone's tongues for good reasons only. He also hated mistakes terribly. And one day, my mother ran out of concealer and forgot to buy more. Of all the mistakes she'd made, that was her worst."
Sunghoon's eyebrows furrow in confusion. He has his suspicions, especially after remembering the way soldiers had flogged his neighbor when he was younger and in the North. The look on Sun's face is enough to confirm everything; as he speaks, his voice gets rougher and his smile brightens sarcastically before dampening, and then brightening and dampening again like a broken record.
Sunghoon tries not to fix on the way Sun gulps and drifts his gaze towards the ground.
He continues. "He beat her all the days he was home, and when he felt too lazy to raise his hand, he'd let the worst words escape his lips. What changed my view on religion and shattered my faith along with me, was how he'd use those same lips to beg for forgiveness from God."
Sunghoon listens as Sun's voice breaks off and is masked with a mirthless laugh. He digs his nails into his palm and waits.
"I was too scared to help my mother. I was scared that interrupting her screams every night would result in me screaming along with her. I was petrified, and so I turned a blind eye. My father thought God would do the same, but my mother eventually died so that obviously didn't happen. As my father prayed for forgiveness, fanning his breath over my mother's corpse, I watched, helpless. And then, for the first time, he prayed in advance. I stayed silent as he laid the first slap on me."
What?
Sunghoon looks up at the player before he can stop himself. Tears had started running down his cheek already, and they lay hanging from his chin where he doesn't bother wiping them away. Almost as though he was used to the feeling.
The thought of it itches Sunghoon for some reason, but the sight of the boy so upset unsettles him more. The boy faces him, and they make eye contact. Sunghoon wouldn't want to assume anything, especially having not been subjected to a life similar to what Sun was describing, but all the previous thoughts he had about Sun dissipated.
He wanted to comfort the boy somehow, even if he didn't know how to. And so he swallowed the growing lump in his throat and scooted ever so closely; just enough to be able to reach Sun within an arm's reach. Sun doesn’t seem to mind; he freezes, but then nods and tucks his hands on top of his knees.
Sunghoon waits. Sun continues.
“I stopped caring for a long time, until my voice began to break and it became harder for him to restrain me. And he didn’t stop praying, whispering his blasphemy right over my face every time he abused me. Everything finally stopped when he compared me to my mother, saying I was more pliant and more obedient than she was. It ended with my nose and jaw turned bruised and bloody. It ended; finally, thankfully, with a knife in his chest.”
Sunghoon turns his gaze towards Sun, his eyes wavering and gathering the illusion of moisture. Sun’s fists are clenched on his knees, but he doesn’t look any bit regretful. He looks rather satisfied, as he shakes his head and keeps talking, his voice hardening.
“I served a long sentence. I had to endure the barrage of hate from my community, the cold shoulder that each and every one of my friends gave me. I became an outcast; I became the community’s devil child.”
“I had no one even while I was in prison, being punished for a crime that was only to be expected after all that time of pain and hurt. When I got out, I had no one. I had nothing. I was no one. And then as I wandered, with nowhere to stay, I met that man near the train.”
“Each time he slapped me, I resisted the urge to walk away with nothing in my pockets. But what I didn’t know was that each time he slapped me, I was getting closer and closer to that shiny golden pig that I worship every time my eyes open.”
Sunghoon recounts his own experience meeting the man near the train. It wasn’t pleasant, but it led him here so he couldn’t quite complain. He looks over at Sun, and for a split second, he swears he sees Riki.
Sun finally wipes his tears away, rubbing his face harshly and grimacing against the soft cotton of his sleeve. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs.
Sunghoon’s head shakes before he can think to form words.He’s quick to reassure him, and it feels strange because he’d wanted to kill him a couple of minutes ago.
Sun rests his head against the wall behind him. “I don’t have anything else to do. I came back to the game because my life is empty. I might as well just have fun playing the games I liked before I die, right?”
All of a sudden, Sunghoon feels like a colossal piece of shit. He’d wanted to kill Sunoo earlier, not caring why he had wanted to stick to the game. He had called him childish, and now he wanted nothing more than to plunge his head underwater. His skin itches with guilt, and he isn't sure why he wants so badly to apologize to the smaller boy.
Sun looks up then, and stares right at Sunghoon. He smiles a little, and Sunghoon’s chest aches. “I just want to be a kid again.”
Sunghoon nods, though his words feel like a kick to the stomach. Sun sighs and sits up straighter, looking all around him. The atmosphere has gotten quieter and calmer, and Sunghoon can’t guess that it’s good in any way.
Amidst the silence, Sunghoon sees Jake wander about through the location. He looks lost and terrified, and Sunghoon gulps. He remembers Heeseung was his partner so he looks away, not wanting his last image of Jake to be a miserable one.
Sun mumbles, “There’s five minutes left. Shall we start the game?”
Sunghoon’s nerves get the best of him, but a small sliver of something reassures him. He nods and gets up, dusting himself off. He outstretches a hand towards his partner without question, and without question, his partner puts his hand in his. It’s dry but warm, and Sunghoon thinks this touch would be enough to ground him.
Sun probably notices the way Sunghoon unconsciously holds his hand tighter, and gives it one squeeze, and a little rub on his knuckles. He asks, “What’s your name?”
Sunghoon can’t think. He can’t afford to, and so he answers. “Park Sunghoon.”
The stranger smiles, as bright as the sun, and it has Sunghoon wishing for brighter days and his shorts full of sand as he shares a mojito with this person. “Sunoo,” he provides, and Sunghoon feels like he has something to hold on to.
He understands why Sunoo doesn’t give him a family name, and so he squeezes his hand before letting it go. “What game do you suggest?” he asks.
Sunoo reaches into his pouch for the marbles, and gives Sunghoon one. He takes it without question.
“Whoever gets their marble closest to the wall wins. That’s all.”
It’s an easy game, and Sunghoon doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. He looks at Sunoo, and to his surprise, he’s looking back at him.
"You can start first,” he murmurs, his voice soft and lulling. Sunghoon would like to think Sunoo’s voice is like the ocean, lulling and peaceful. He swallows down the lump and childish desperation in his throat.
Sunghoon looks at the marble, feels as it warms up in his sweaty hand, and lets it fall from his fingers. It barely rolls forward. He can’t see it, and from what he’s done, throwing his and his family’s lives away, he doesn’t think he wants to see it.
Sunoo turns to him then, and looks up at him. A tear runs down Sunghoon’s cheek; what would Riki do without him and his mother? Why did he not feel any regrets?
"My brother Riki," Sunghoon murmurs as best as he can, letting the memories of his younger brother flood his mind. "He lives in an orphanage. Please take care of him for me."
Sunoo reaches up to wipe the tear that lines Sunghoon’s cheek and smiles. He watches as another tear follows. Sunghoon is both aware and oblivious of the timer running, ticking down the seconds of his young teenage life.
“Sunghoon, I’m sorry,” Sunoo says with so much resignation that it concerns Sunghoon, who looks at him, his heart beating mercilessly. He's tearing up, and Sunghoon swears the twinkle in Sunoo’s eyes are not like the ones he’s seen before.
What pretty eyes Sunoo has, he realizes, now that he can see them in a brighter light. Sunghoon is fixated on them, and the groan he hears behind him barely registers enough to drag him out of his stupor. Sunghoon looks down, his heart thumping, and looks back up at Sunoo. His fingers dangle at his sides, no marble in sight.
“No,” Sunghoon wails, and he looks behind him, where Sunoo’s marble has rolled out of close range. Sunoo’s eyes mist over with tears, and Sunghoon can barely ground himself to keep his world from turning over.
A surge of anger runs through him, and he shoves Sunoo against the wall. He inches closer to him, ignoring the way his minty scent fills his senses. The last thing he needs is for something of Sunoo’s to cling to him.
“You will take another marble, and you will throw it again,” Sunghoon seethes, staring straight into Sunoo’s eyes.
Sunoo shakes his head, despite the tears now running down his face. Sunghoon chokes up, grabbing Sunoo’’s shoulders. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asks, over and over, feeling delirious at this point.
He keeps asking Sunoo to throw again, and then Sunoo grips Sunghoon’s wrists and forces him to look at him.
“You always look like you have a firecracker up your ass, you know that?”
Despite himself, Sunghoon chuckles, but in the depths of his mind, he wonders how Sunoo can keep such a calm composure. The said boy smiles, reaching a hand up to trace Sunghoon’s moles. Sunghoon thinks if he were to look straight at him, that their moles would align.
Sunoo whispers, “You have a lovely smile. Wear it often.”
“After all the smiling you’ve done today, I don’t think I can.”
Sunoo smiles, and even with the tears running down his cheeks and his hands trembling as they touch Sunghoon’s, he looks ethereal. Sunghoon just wished he had the time and mental stability to tell him that.
“The timer’s running. You need to go.”
Sunghoon’s grip around Sunoo tightens, and he can feel the way Sunoo’s body trembles against him. He rests his head into the boy’s shoulder, and despite himself, rests his lips against his still beating pulse. He ignores the way his sweat clings to him, and focuses on the fact that Sunoo’s heart is still beating in his chest.
Sunoo stiffens at the contact. “Are you that ready to send me off?”
“I’m sorry,” Sunghoon says, not sorry at all. He nuzzles at Sunoo’s hair, silently murmuring reassurances into his hair in hopes that it would soothe Sunoo’s worries. The guard taps Sunghoon’s back, and he’s faintly shocked that he’d been allowed all this time to properly talk to Sunoo.
Sunoo slightly pulls away from Sunghoon and says to him, “Promise you’ll look away when they shoot. I’m speaking from experience. You don’t want the mental image of my brain split from my skull in your head when you’re sipping on mojitos.”
Sunghoon chuckles, but it comes out gravelly. Sunoo reaches forward to wipe a tear from Sunghoon’s eyes, before unlatching himself from him.
Sunghoon takes a breath and turns away, just like Sunoo had told him to. As a final running joke he says, “You don’t sound scared at all, Sun.”
What he doesn’t expect is Sunoo’s pained murmur, “Sunghoon, I’m scared. I’m so so scared.”
Sunghoon can’t bear to hear those words. He knows he should have walked away seconds ago, but he doesn’t know what the events of the day had done to him. His arms itch to hold Sunoo close, and he hopes to reach him before the guard does, and before the timer kills them both.
But as he turns around, ready to sprint towards the boy he’d grown to like, the sound of a gunshot stops him in his tracks. The sight of metal meeting bone disintegrates the bubbling reassurances on his lips; it paralyzes Sunghoon and grounds him in a way he’d never want.
Sunoo looks ethereal even as he bleeds out, and Sunghoon can’t tell which sight is more gruesome; the way his blood and brain matter seep into the ground or the slight twitch of his body as he loses the life Sunghoon tried to sacrifice to give him. Perhaps it’s the way Sunoo’s lips are parted and curled, as though unspoken words died on his tongue as he did. Or maybe it was the tears in his blank eyes, blurring the beautiful hazel, and the light faint smile on his face looking so displaced.
Sunghoon doesn’t understand. Sunoo was the one who died; so why did he feel so lifeless? Why did he even care for Sunoo in the first place? He was just another player in this game, one especially who chose to rejoin. Amidst all this, why did Sunghoon’s heart clench and pulse weakly in his sternum?
The guards come before the timer even runs down, but Sunghoon cannot move. He watches as Sunoo’s hair fans out as they carry him and place him into the box. They handle his body so roughly that it sets him in motion, and he rushes forward. Sunoo’s cheeks have lost their color, and his eyes are now closed, but he’ll live with Sunghoon forever. He half wishes he had listened to Sunoo and bolted before they had even placed the gun to his head.
When Sunghoon gets pushed back by the guard, he does not complain. When he sees Jay and Heeseung looking guilty and upset, he doesn’t speak. When he’s given a potato and water, he doesn’t speak. He just mouths around the tuber and fiddles with his bottle, unable to eat when he knows that Sunoo’s bed is empty.
The day goes on like nothing has happened, and Sunghoon watches longingly as the husband from earlier hangs from a high bunk, his neck adorned with a bed sheet. Sunghoon focuses back on Riki, and thinks about mojitos and Jeju Island.
Sunoo had a beautiful smile, and he had encouraged Sunghoon to love his. But Sunghoon didn’t know whether he’d want to smile all the time until he dies in this hell hole, or never smile again.