Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Venti didn’t know how long he stayed sitting on the cold hard floor with his back pressed against the door. But when his eyes started hurting from crying, when there were no more tears left to escape his tear ducts, he pulled himself up. His legs and back were aching from sitting in the same position for an extended period of time. He shook his limbs to work out the numbness. The watch on his wrist said it was close to 3 am. He couldn’t think. His feet moved out of their own accord and slowly descended the stairs. His steps echoed in the all too quiet night.

Venti trembled when the cold night air hit him and brought him back to the present. Getting in the car he started driving. It was taking everything for him to stop replaying the past few hours and focus on the road instead. The roads were mostly empty at this hour so he got where he intended to faster than he thought. Maybe he should have texted or called before knocking on the door he found himself standing before but getting here was all that his mind could let him do.

He knocked first. His knuckles met the door rapidly. He listened for any noise coming from the inside. It was likely the occupants would be sleeping. Right as he was about to switch to the doorbell the door opened a jar revealing a white-haired figure. As the pair of red eyes recognized who it was disturbing them at 4 am she opened it wider.

“Venti.” She said with an even voice. Her face was flushed yet revealed no emotions. The few stray hairs and a silk robe hanging off of her shoulders put on haphazardly just now painted a picture of what was going on before he interrupted. He was about to greet her back when someone else’s voice rang from back of the apartment.

“Who the fuck is it banging on our goddamn door at this hour?” Footsteps and muttered curses were heard as someone approached them. A single red eye widened slightly when they saw who it was. Beidou was standing there with a long red cotton t-shirt, shorts and fixing her red eyepatch. She looked just as flushed as Ningguang if not more.

“Venti, what are you doing here?”

“I was about to ask the same thing.” Ningguang quirked an eyebrow but then noticed his lower lip trembling slightly as if trying to hold himself from crying. She moved out of the way her body language inviting him inside.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen? Don’t just stand there come in. Did something happen to Zhongli?”

As soon as the name left Beidou’s lips the dam broke and he started crying in earnest. Beidou took his arm gently and moved him inside. Ningguang closed the door and locked it. Both women looked at each other communicating through silent exchange of words between them. Concern could be read in both of their eyes while Venti sobbed into Beidou’s chest. They came to an agreement as Ningguang made her way to the kitchen. She put on the kettle to prepare some tea while Beidou led Venti to the couch in their living room.

“Hey, hey, hey, just breath. You are worrying me Venti. What is the problem?” Her voice was soft, a stark contrast to her usual boisterous tone as if she was afraid of startling him.

“W-we broke u-up and I-It’s all my f-fault.” He managed to get out between the sobs wrecking his body.

“What do you mean you broke up? Why?” surprise could be heard in her question.

“I fucked up. I did. Fuck! Why the fuck did I say that?” Venti drew back from his friend and start shaking his head.

Beidou placed her hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Calm down a minute Venti. What did you say? I am sure you guys can work it out. It couldn’t be that bad.”

“No! He is never gonna forgive me. Hell, I won’t ever forgive myself. I made him cry Beidou. Do you know how often he cries? Never! I can count it with fingers of my one hand the number of times he cried in all of the time I have known him. It is over. I fucked it up.”

Ningguang came in with a tray in her hands carrying three cups containing perfectly brewed tea. Laying it on the table she brought up one of the cups and place it on Venti’s hands.

“Just take a deep breath, take a sip then tell us what happened from the start.”

Venti looked up at Ningguang with wide bloodshot eyes and nodded obediently. He looked like a little kid to her then. And as much as she could say her loyalties lay with Zhongli, unexpectedly she felt something inside her break for Venti. Until he told what happened.

First it was disbelief, then a slight anger took over her before leaving its place to concern. She stole a look at her partner’s face and saw her eyebrows were burrowed.

“Do you wanna check up on him Ning?” she read her mind as she always did. But Ningguang made a noise as if to say no.

“I don’t think he will talk right now. He likes to process his thoughts on his own first. And I’d rather do this in person. I’ll go and check on him in the morning.”

Then her gaze switched to Venti.

“I’d prefer it if you would give me the keys.” It was a demand rather than a request. All he could do was nod and hand her the key to the apartment he shared with Zhongli for the past 4 years. Delicate fingers closed around them.

“I am leaving for bed. I assume you can handle this love.” Her eyes softened as she looked at the captain of her heart. She was aware of the comradery they shared and that it would be easier for Venti to open up to Beidou. This was a strategical retreat in her mind and knew Beidou recognized it for what it was. Beidou nodded in affirmation.

“I got this handled baby, you go get your beauty sleep.” She teased lightly trying to lighten up the mood. Ningguang smiled slightly, walked towards her and kissed her on the forehead affectionately, lingering there for a little. Beidou’s eye closed in contentment and opened again staring up at her when Ningguang drew back.

“Good night love.”

“Good night darling.” Beidou held her hand gently and let it slip away from her grasp as Ningguang headed to their bedroom. Adoration shone in her eye watching her walk away. A happy sigh escaped her then she slapped her thighs and turned to Venti.

“Alright. What the fuck is up with you? It isn’t like you to just ignore him like that.” There was no judgement there as Venti feared there would be.

“I really don’t know how to explain it. I just- “

“Let’s take it step by step. First of all, do you still love him?”

“Of course I do!” Venti exclaimed.

“I would not judge you if you fell out of love Venti. These things can happen but if you still love him and he loves you back things can be fixed.”

“But it isn’t that easy.” He was hunched up.

“Uh, but I didn’t say it was going to be easy. I just said it is possible. It is going to take a lot of work. You chased after him for 2 years. You know it better that I do how hard it was for him to open up. And you will have to earn that trust back.” She was sympathetic but she wouldn’t lie to him.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I think you should figure out this escaping from him business first. Going in without resolving that will just hurt the both of you more.”

Venti turned to her and laughed slightly. Dried his tears on his sleeves.

“When did you get so wise about relationships?”

Beidou smirked at him.

“I have always been this wise you little shit. She just made it easier for me to show that side of me.”

“She has been good for you.” His lips turned up in a small smile.

“Well duh but this ain’t about me and my love life. It is about yours and reasons why you are trying to fuck it up so badly.”

The smile vanished from his face. He just sat there silent, contemplating. His head was a mess. A slight headache was beginning to form around his eyes and forehead.

“Can I please get a drink?”  he said, pouting and donning a kicked puppy look, hoping to convince Beidou into indulging him. Beidou snorted and pushed his face the other way.

“Cut out the act. It’s not like I am gonna turn down a drink.”

He grinned impishly.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are the best!”

“Yeah, yeah.” She rolled her eyes and got up to grab two glasses and a bottle of dandelion wine she kept in the house just for when Venti would drop by.

She brought it and the glasses, placed them on the table before the couch. Noticing what was the choice of drink Venti made grabby hands.

“Oooh, my favorite. Gimme, gimme.”

Finishing the glass in big gulps he asked for a refill before Beidou had the chance to start with her own. She filled it again and settled back on the couch one hand on the back of it, other holding the drink, her body was facing Venti’s smaller frame. She silently examined him.

To anyone else it would seem like they were just enjoying a casual night, two friends drinking together. Shiny trails left behind by tears on his cheeks and the puffed out look of his eyes were the only things giving him away. Except for those tells he was back to wearing the mask of his happy-go-lucky attitude. But Beidou had known him for a long time. Hell, they have been through so many good and bad times, drunken nights where they would cry on each other’s shoulders for reasons lost into the sands of time.

They understood each other. They knew how the world saw them, just some drunkards.  They were underestimated time and again. Most people heard the jokes and stories they would tell to entertain, never bothering to spare a second to look behind that or try to see the storytellers for something worth more than just being there to make them laugh. Beidou had very few people who looked beyond the mirrors and the show. That statement was highly true for her friend too. Which was why knowing she was one of those who saw him for who he is, it hurt to see Venti put that mask back on around her. Yet she wouldn’t pester or force him. Unlike what many expected of her she was very patient when necessary. All she had to do was wait a little for when he was ready.

Venti placed his drink down after awhile and moved to remove the plastic bands holding his braids together away from his hair. He shook his hair out and laid his head on the back of the couch staring at the ceiling. A sigh escaped from him. And there was the moment Beidou was waiting for. He was ready. At least as ready as he would be. He rolled his head to the side and made eye contact with her. The look he had on now made him seem like a thousand-year-old being burdened by things beyond his control.

“I think I am afraid of asking for what I need cause I feel like I will lose what was given already. I will be seen as too much and be left alone. Again.”

Beidou kept her silence nodding for him to go on.

“Maybe I deserve it though. Cause I know I can be too much. Why would anyone wanna bother with me?”

As quick as lightning he was flicked on the head by Beidou.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“That was for you being stupid. You are not too much you idiot. Now continue from where you left before you started spewing nonsense.”

Venti huffed rubbing his forehead.

“Fine. I didn’t realize what I was doing till Zhongli said it but he was right. Looking back at it I was drawing away from him. And I don’t know why.” His tone was low as he said this only wavering on the name of the man he loved.

“Well, I think you do know why. You know I won’t judge you. You can say it.”

“But it’s gonna sound selfish and stupid.” He whined.

“We already know you are stupid, might as well get it out of your chest.”

Venti knew from the twinkle in her eye she didn’t really mean he was stupid. He was grateful to her for lightening things up to put him at ease.

“There is this resentment inside me. I hate myself for feeling it. But I do and I can’t help myself.”

“What do you resent?”

He paused a second then started blabbering.

“Look, I knew what I was getting into when we first started going out together. He told me himself upfront how his work was a huge part of his life. And I said that’s fine because my work is important to me too. You know the band requires a lot of time. It is a constant presence in my day-to-day life. Anything can inspire me and I can’t control the urge to get it down written somewhere or else the inspiration will escape from me. You know there have been times we have been stuck in a recording booth without leaving days on end. So yes, I understood the commitment he had in some ways.

We have been together, what, 6 years now. Maybe it is because some things became a routine but for the past almost a year, I feel like he stopped paying me attention like he used to. And I am well aware how this is making me sound like a petty child cause boohoo I am not getting attention, quick give it to me or I’ll die like I’m fucking Tinkerbell. But that’s not what I’m trying to say.” He took a shuddering breath in. His chest was rising up and down quickly trying to compensate for the air he lost during his rant. He continued a little calmer when he could breathe easier.

“It’s not even like he is acting badly towards me. He says he loves me. And I know he does cause I can see it in his eyes. But for some time, it seems like he stopped putting in any effort. He used to write me poems. Did you know that? He would write these beautiful sappy poems to me and read them calmly like he meant every word to its core. And had it been anyone else I would have laughed cause they were so fucking cheesy but somehow that thickheaded man made it work. I’m- I’m not saying he should write me poems every day. Just once in a while do something to let me see that you don’t think of me as someone you have in your pocket. I guess I started spending longer times in studio gradually, stayed out longer hopping bars using setting up gigs as an excuse. It wasn’t on purpose but I did do that. He didn’t say anything about it. I was ready with an excuse in case he asked but he never did.

If you ask me if he cares for me, logically, I will say yes, he does. Look at all these years we spent together and all that we shared. I know he cares about me. I know I care about him. But knowing that in a logical sense isn’t helping my head at all. My mind is playing into all of my insecurities saying he started caring about me less, he doesn’t ask me where I’ve been cause he doesn’t care anymore or-or that he will find someone better when he is away at his office, someone who understands him and what he is doing better, then he will understand how big of a mistake it was to be with me and dump me. It’s not reasonable but I couldn’t stop these thoughts from building up. Even though I know we both love each other, or I should know that, lately there was a wall between us. Maybe I built it. I don’t know. I really fucking don’t know. But it is what it is now. That wall feels impenetrable. And I was my own downfall. I pushed him away. I deserve being left. Now he is better off without me. He was always meant for better things.”

They sat there silent in the aftermath of Venti’s speech. Beidou couldn’t decide where to start. She could see the plot holes in his thinking. She could point out and disprove half of what he said. But she knew how hard it was to look objectively and see how some things were just wrong logic and was just putting meaning into things there weren’t meant to be when your mind decided to spiral. She decided to work out these issues about Venti’s view of himself later. She was aware at his current emotional state whatever words she said would not stick. All she could do was be there for him, let him know he mattered to her. She decided on a different approach to the situation in hand and gently asked.

“Did you share any of this with him?”

“No. Not really.” He was looking at his fiddling fingers. He always played with his fingers when he was nervous, Beidou thought to herself.

“You can’t expect him to read your mind Venti. And thank God he can’t. He is too much of a prude to see all the filth going on in that head of yours. He would be scarred for life.” She laughed. Distract him a little from negative thoughts, she would try. And it looked like it worked even if it would be temporary.

“Huh. That’s what he wants you to think.” Venti smirked.

Beidou’s laugh was cut short. She shook her head disapprovingly.

“I really did not need to know that.”

She shuddered in jest drawing a small chuckle out of Venti.

“In all seriousness though I think it would be best if you took some time for yourself Venti. Just let yourself be a little. I know it is hard to do but I will say it anyway, stop thinking you are some kind of burden. You are hurting the man who is my best friend by doing that. And for what it’s worth I really do think that you can start mending things with him. It seems to me no one is really at fault here. But you need to communicate. That’s the main reason why you both got in this mess. Even though you feel like you are not deserving of it you are worthy of loving. You deserve to have your needs met. Don’t forget that people can’t always know what they are unless you tell them. And the right ones are willing to meet them all or at least try.”

Venti nodded. He didn’t think he could shed any more tears than he already did but his vision was blurry once again.

Beidou thumbed away the tears threatening to spill over then patted his hand affectionately.

“Are you feeling better at least?” she asked gently.

He nodded in confirmation and threw himself on her, hugged her as tight as he could.

His voice was muffled but still could be heard.

“Thank you. You are my best friend and I love you. You know that don’t you?”

He lifted his head from where it was buried. Maybe it was a trick of light or maybe because he couldn’t see clearly in the low light but he could have sworn her eye was moist too.

“All that drinking got you sappy, huh?” she chuckled patting his back. “I love you too. Don’t you dare forget that you idiot.”

“Okay. We should sleep now. I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket. I’ll be right back.” Beidou disappeared through the corridor. Venti watched her all the while thinking how lucky he was to have her in his life. Little sprouts of hope started growing in his heart. He could do this. He wanted to believe he could. But even if he couldn’t completely convince himself yet at least he knew there was one person who believed in him.

Beidou appeared back with the collected items and set up the couch for him.

“Try to rest. You can stay here as long as you need.”

“I don’t think Ningguang would be happy with that.” he said.

Beidou gave him a crooked smile.

“She may not always show it but she cares for you too. You probably don’t know this but she vouched for you when Zhongli was hesitant to accept your invitations back when you first started going out.”

“Really?” Venti was surprised. Hearing this made a warmth spread through his chest.

“Don’t tell her I told you this but she once told me and I quote ‘There is more than what meets the eye in that friend of yours. He is wiser than he makes himself appear in a way that makes you think he has lived many life times. He has more potential than he himself believes.’” Making a spot-on impression of her fiancée.

“Wow. I’m sorry Beidou but if you break her heart I am coming after you.”

“Oh, if I did that, I would just be breaking my own heart.”

Venti loved seeing his friend like this. So comfortable and in love.

“Okay Dickinson enough babysitting me. Go back to bed to your fiancée before you start waxing poetic about her to me. Save it for her. Good night. Now shoo.”

“Very funny.” She dead-panned. “Good night.”

Beidou covered Venti with the blanket, turned off the lamplight and headed to the bedroom. Ningguang was still awake reading something in the dim light. She put the papers aside when she noticed Beidou.

“Hey, didn’t you sleep yet?”  Beidou asked softly.

Ningguang didn’t reply but the expression on her face clearly said – as if I can sleep without you. She patted the spot to her left inviting her lover to the bed. Beidou complied and took of her eyepatch setting it on the side table. She got under the covers and laid her head on the pillow facing Ningguang. 

“How is he? What did he say?”

Soft fingers reached towards Beidou’ face. Pads of her fingers made contact with warm skin, touching it. First caressing her left cheek then gently on the scar running through her eye. Beidou sighed as the gentle touch eased the tension there.

“I think what got them in this was building up for a while. He felt kinda neglected with Zhongli being all business not setting time aside for him and he didn’t even realize he was feeling resentment over it till they had that fight. There were a lot of miscommunications as far as I understand.” She didn’t delve into detail of what Venti’s state of mind was like.

Ningguang hummed and stared ahead of her, contemplating something. 

“I am not neglecting you. Am I? You would tell me if I was?” she was vulnerable when they were like this. Letting her emotions take control at last and voice her unfiltered thoughts when it was just the two of them. This was the side of Ningguang no one else would get to see beside her. She felt beyond lucky to have this.

Beidou grabbed the hand caressing her, turned it towards her lips and laid a sweet kiss on her palm.

“Of course I would. We both have crazy hectic schedules sometimes but we make it work. And you would tell me if I were to not give you what you needed wouldn’t ya love?”

Ningguang smiled at her pleased with the answer. She didn’t lose a second to ease her concern in return.

“When have you ever seen me not demand what I wanted or needed if I were to feel dissatisfied? “

Mirth was there on the surface dancing in those ruby colored irises. Beidou gave out a low chuckle. 

“Well, you sure were demanding what you wanted just a few hours ago, definitely.”

Ningguang slapped her shoulder, her cheeks tinted pink barely visible in this light. Though the serene smile on her lips was as clear as day to Beidou.

“Hush you.”

“So, what do you plan on doing with Zhongli tomorrow?”

“It will be technically this morning at this point I believe. And I’ll listen to what he says, work it out from there. Do you think they can work it out? “

Beidou pursed her lips. Her gaze wandered to different parts of the room as she thought and finally settled back on Ningguang. One red and one glassy white eye focused on her.

“They still love each other but they have to communicate. It may take time but it will work if they both commit to making it work.”

“We’ll help them then however we can.” Ningguang said with determination.

Beidou loved how she committed she was to a decision once she made it. Always admired the fire that would light up in her. To Beidou it could be seen a mile away. It warmed her up inside in more ways than one.

“God, I love you. Come here.”

She opened her arms. Ningguang couldn’t help the giddy smile that perched on her lips, turned off the bedside lamp and settled in her fiancée’s arms.

“I love you too darling.”

She kissed the skin where her face was pressed to. Exhaustion washed over them then so they let sleep take over. The hold they had on each other, the warmth shared between helping them, guiding them to the land of dreams.

Chapter Text

Ningguang woke up to the sound of a quite alarm. She reached over the nightstand and turned it off. She could see it was 9 am. Not her usual wake up time but given the circumstances she could let herself this lateness. She looked up at the ceiling and made a quick to-do list for the day ahead in her mind. As sweet as it would be to stay in bed a little longer, she had things to do. The arm wrapped around her waist was tempting her but she held her ground and tried to remove the said arm as slowly as possible to not wake its owner. It was a futile attempt though. Because the hold she was in tightened and a small grunt escaped Beidou’s lips. Her eyes fluttered open. Morning sun slipping through their curtains made her eye shine like a jewel even though it was glossed over from sleep.

“Morning.” Ningguang whispered. She smiled inwardly when Beidou’s face contorted akin to a child’ as the thought of waking displeasured her.

“-don’t wanna get up.” She mumbled.

“Well, if you can just let me go, you can go back to sleeping.”

“Never.” Said Beidou grumpily.

“As sweet as this is love, I need to go check on Zhongli. Remember?” She kissed Beidou’s cheek to appease her.

She frowned as if she was remembering what happened last night.

“Yeah, okay.” Her hold loosened and Ningguang slipped away from under the covers to start her day.

She traveled between the adjacent bathroom and their bedroom to get ready. When she deemed herself presentable, she went back to where Beidou was struggling between waking and falling back to sleep.

“Goodbye Beidou. I’ll text you when I’m getting back. Love you.”

Beidou pulled her by the arm before she could slip away. Brought Ningguang down to her level and kissed her before dropping back on the bed.

“Love you too. Oh, and good luck with Zhongli.” She said groggily.

“Thanks love.”

Beidou was already snoring gently before she could step out of the room.

Ningguang looked over at their couch in the living room to check up on its current occupant. Venti laid haphazardly there, his limbs going every other direction. The blanket must have slipped off him during the night with his tossing and turning. Ningguang made her way over there, her footsteps careful to not make a sound. She fixed the blanket which was basically on the floor at that point and covered him up as much as she could. Satisfied with her work she grabbed her bag, checked for Zhongli’s apartment’s keys, put on her light golden colored long coat and stepped out of the apartment.

She went through the list she made in her mind again as she got in her car. She rode around the city picking up what she needed. All the while the sound of her lover’ singing voice coming out of the car speakers accompanying her. Venti’s voice was harmonizing perfectly with Beidou’s at some parts. She never told Beidou this but whenever Ningguang was driving alone in the car she would put on their band’ recordings. Although she denied listening to them whenever Venti asked, hearing Beidou sing made her happy and yes, she listened to them whenever she got the chance. But Venti didn’t need to know that. Besides she always skipped to the songs where Beidou had longer parts. Ningguang could just imagine the reaction Venti would have if he ever found that out. Hm, he can live with that she shrugged with a little smirk upon her lips.

After the three stops she made she was ready to head over. The drive there wasn’t long. She parked the car and picked up the bags. Zhongli’s favorite tea, check. Breakfast from his favorite bakery, check. A bottle of Osmanthus wine in case it is necessary, check. She made her way up and let herself in with the keys.

It was quiet in the apartment. Zhongli wasn’t in the living room and since there was no noise, she assumed that he was still sleeping. Closing the door behind her she headed to the kitchen and left the bags there. She shrugged of her coat placing it on the back of the couch and rolled her sleeves up to get to work.

Ningguang put on some water on the stove and started heating it. Found the plates in one of the cabinets, laid the warm, fresh pastries on them. She washed the single cup she found in the sink and put it up on the rack to dry. When she was done, she made her way to the bedroom. It was time to assess the situation at hand.

She pushed on the handle carefully and opened the door. There Zhongli was laying over the covers of his bed. He didn’t have a blanket on and looked uncomfortable. Though his eyes were closed, he was frowning slightly in his sleep. His fists were clenched and his hair was a mess. A shiver passed through him while she was looking. Ningguang had seen Zhongli sleeping before. And this wasn’t how he normally slept for sure. He never looked this tense. The sight broke her heart a little so she decided to wake him up.

Sitting gently on the bed the first thing she noticed was,,, that it was damp. Not in a sweat making it wet way. No, this was more like a bucket of water was poured over it and left to dry kind of way. Ningguang moved the stray hairs from his forehead and tapped on it twice. This was how she started waking him a few years back and still did when he would fall asleep on his office desk over the case reports on the nights they worked till the sun came up.

Bleary eyes opened but couldn’t focus for a second. When golden eyes finally focused on her she raised an eyebrow and spoke first.

“I want to say good morning but first I must ask. Why is your bed wet?”

Zhongli’s eyes widened slightly then he averted his eyes. A blush started making its way up to his neck and settled on his cheeks. He mumbled an answer, his barely audible voice clearly intentional.

“I couldn’t hear you, repeat that again please.” She prompted.

He huffed and cleared his throat.

“I,,, might have sat in the shower with my clothes on under running water. And maybe, possibly throw myself to bed without drying or changing.”

It was clear to Ningguang then, what he did in the shower. An image of Zhongli sobbing with his back against the shower wall and head against his bent knees flashed in her mind before she could stop it.

“Oh Zhongli.” She whispered. The sympathy she had in her eyes were read as pity by Zhongli. He turned away in embarrassment.

“Please don’t.” He croaked. He had that nasally quality to his voice now that Ningguang noticed. Zhongli let out a sneeze, his eyes watered but he quickly dried them. First signs of illness were showing up.

“And you slept like this all night?”

“Maybe.” He mumbled.

He became like a little child when he was ill. She never had to deal with him like this till now. Whenever he got ill, he would take the time off and Venti would be the one to take care of him. From the couple of times she spoke with Venti, she knew how much Venti loved it when he would get like this. “This very serious man who runs a court room like a force of nature just becomes a 5-year-old child and it is absolutely adorable!” he once said.

Shaking herself off of these thoughts she got up.

“Well, that wasn’t very wise now, was it?” her hands on her waist she gave an imploring look.

When she looked at the direction of the bathroom, she noticed the dried markings of water drops on the floor all the way from the bed. Seeing as his only answer was a little shrug, she rolled her eyes.

“Come on, you need to get up. Let’s try to salvage what we have here. I put on some water for tea. You will get in the shower, take a warm bath then come back so we can have breakfast. Oh, and don’t forget to dry your hair and wear something that will keep you warm.”

“Fine mom.” he huffed.

“What did you say?”

“I said thank you Tian.” His mouth ticked upwards. As much as she knew he couldn’t accept help from people easily, the fact that he was grateful could be read from his face.

“Hmm that’s what I thought.” She nodded and left him to his devices.

She sat on the kitchen table, sent a message to Beidou letting her know she got here while she waited for Zhongli. Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait for too long. He came out of the bedroom, a brown sweater on him and his hair dried as she ordered. He opened his arms as if to ask satisfied?. She nodded in approval. He sat across her on the kitchen table. His eyes lighted up when the smell of pastries hit his nose.

“Thank you.” He said, his face still red from the hot water, offered a tiny smile along with a pleased look and started eating. An appreciative hum rose from his throat. He looked as if nothing bad ever happened to him then. A passing moment of deceit playing tricks on the eye of those who didn’t know better.

Ningguang poured both of them a cup of tea and handed it over to Zhongli.

“Here is your tea, Rex.” She said completely serious in her delivery.

“That isn’t funny you know, no matter how many times you make it.” He tried to conceal his amusement at the long running joke between them but an involuntary snort escaped from him nonetheless.

“I don’t know what you mean.” She deadpanned.

“Sure you don’t Tian.” He reached over to steal from her plate. Ningguang slapped his hand away before he could succeed.

“Well, Beidou laughs at it every time.”

“That’s because she is in love with you. You could basically murder someone and she wouldn’t even question it. She’d be like ‘Where do you want me to bury the body babe?’ with a freaking shovel ready in her hands.” he changed his voice in the middle to mimic Beidou. Ningguang held back her laughter and schooled her features back to neutral.

“That’s because she is smart enough to know if I murdered someone it would be for a justified reason. So, she doesn’t need to worry about how or why.” she said matter-of-factly.

“That’s-, yeah. Alright. I’d probably help too if I’m being honest.” Zhongli gave in.

“And Venti could make a theme song for that exact situation, I’m sure.” She brought the name up to gauge Zhongli’s reaction. As easy as it would be to avoid talking about it and delude themselves in easy conversation, she needed to help Zhongli into talking. And God knew he wouldn’t do it on his own.

“Yeah. He could.” His voice was dejected.

“Hmmm.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Zhongli averted his eyes. He was smart enough to know this was not a coincidental visit from Ningguang. Taking into the account that she was already in the apartment before he woke up it meant she got the keys from Venti. It wasn’t hard to guess where Venti headed after he left their home. My home now. He had to remind himself. The thought made his insides churn. His shoulders slumped.

“Did he sleep at your place?” beating around the bush was unnecessary he decided.

Ningguang’s answer was a simple yes. Her gentle gaze searched his face. He didn’t know what she was looking for but it seemed like she found what she needed.

“Would you like to tell me what happened Rex?”

There was no pressure in her voice. Just room opened for him to speak. But it has always been hard for Zhongli to share his troubles and feelings with others. More often than not he battled his emotions with his logic. He didn’t know what to do at the rare times like this when he let his emotions run free. He felt like a little kid burning with guilt and confusion after doing what he shouldn’t have done. This unfamiliarity brought discomfort with it. He simply felt uncomfortable in a way he couldn’t explain. He wished it wasn’t so hard for him to open up. He wished he could be more comfortable with sharing. He wished he hadn’t let his emotions run yesterday. He wished he wasn’t afraid to talk to Venti before things came to this. He wished Venti wanted to stay. He wished Venti still loved him. He, he wished a lot of things. He took a shuddering breath in.

“I’m sure he told you already.”

“Yes, he did. But I wish to hear what you will say.” She laid her hand over his and gave a barely there squeeze. Zhongli was determined to open up this time. So, he forced himself to get the words out. His thoughts though they were scrambled started coming out of his lips slowly at first. Then he gained momentum and fought against the guilt he felt whenever he shared his troubles. If not here with Tian and if not in the lowest point of his life then when would he ever open up?

“I don’t know what to say. I was sitting on the couch, I can’t really explain it but I was feeling tense, frustrated. Past few months kept replying in my mind over and over again.  I knew something was wrong. I kept noticing how it was always me saying ‘I love you’ to Venti. How he never said it first. I noticed him not being present in our home both physically and mentally. I noticed how we stopped our nightly talks in bed till we drifted off to sleep. How he started avoiding them, coming to bed after I was already asleep and leaving before I woke as if he was trying to see me as little as possible. I noticed how I deep down realized all of these things but put them in a box only to lock it afterwards and throw it in the ocean because I didn’t want to think that everything wasn’t alright.” He ran his hand through his hair, parts of dampness left where he couldn’t dry it completely cooling his fingertips. He let out a breath and continued.

“When he came late again last night, I couldn’t stop myself from making a comment. I took it back immediately and tried to talk to him about his day. I tried to convince myself that there was nothing wrong that we were fine but I couldn’t anymore. I tried to let him know what was on my mind, what I noticed but he just brushed it off and tried to go to bed saying he was tired. Something snapped in me. I don’t exactly remember what I said. All I remember is my chest constricting, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking and couldn’t stop crying. Whatever words we exchanged is all a blur now. But I asked if he was trying to escape from me and”

Zhongli stopped again not able to go on. He shrugged helplessly. Heartbreak written all over him. He was blinking rapidly to hide the tears from her. Even if he could succeed in stopping the hot tears from running down his face, he couldn’t stop his voice from coming out shaky.

 “So I told him to leave. I am not selfish enough to make him stay with me just because I love him if he doesn’t want to stay. I let him go cause he wouldn’t do it on his own. I knew Venti would keep staying even though he wanted to leave. He has this thing where he sacrifices parts of himself to please others. And I couldn’t bear the thought of him doing that for my sake. I made the decision for him. I set him free. I stopped myself from being a burden to him. And he left. Just like he wanted.”

Ningguang had never seen Zhongli look this helpless, this unraveled, this broken. She replayed what Venti told them yesterday. Perception is a funny thing, she mused to herself. The state Venti was in last night was no better than the man standing before her. Venti didn’t want to break up with Zhongli. That much she understood. What she couldn’t really understand was Venti wanting to escape. That was something he needed to solve himself. Ningguang couldn’t say Venti didn’t want to leave. She didn’t know for certain if he didn’t want that. The last thing she wanted to do was lie to Zhongli without getting all the facts. Maybe I should talk to Beidou later to shed some light there. Ningguang searched for what to say but was beaten to it. The extended quiet stretched between them gave Zhongli enough time to collect his thoughts.

“I don’t think he loves me anymore.” He was staring intensely at his interlocked hands, his knuckles white because of his tight grip.

“Maybe I should have said something sooner. He was drawing away but I thought it would be best to give him space and let him work things out. He would get like that sometimes, it wasn’t something new. But he would always come back after he worked out what he needed to. It took longer this time. Then the case started and I guess I left it for later. I’ll talk to him when this ends and so on. But I never had the gut to do so. And I didn’t want to say where were you when he came late, I didn’t want to act like a jealous spouse, like I didn’t trust him. He had that kind of thing happen to him in his previous relationships and he was sensitive about it. So, I didn’t bring it up and honestly, I really do trust him. I didn’t get mad cause I thought he was cheating on me or something. I never thought that. I wouldn’t question his integrity like that. I didn’t ask him why he never said ‘I love you’ to me first either because it felt stupid. It was such a small thing and I can’t understand why it bothers me so much but it does.”

Ningguang touched his left wrist to make him look up. His grip loosened.

“Hey, it is not stupid. You are allowed to want to hear you are loved. It is completely normal for this to bother you if it has been going on for a long time.”

 He nodded slowly as if to convince himself of that too. That he deserved to be loved. Then gave out a bitter laugh.

“I hate him you know.”

“No, you don’t Rex. You are just hurting right now.”

He started shaking his head in denial.

“No, I hate him! Before he came along, I made peace with my loneliness. I have accepted the fact that I was going to die alone. I accepted that I did not really matter to anyone. And then this stupid bard comes along, you tell me to maybe give him a chance and then what happens? He actually makes me think for the first time in my life that I could matter to someone. That I could be loved by someone. That someone would care for me. He made me actually believe that! I say to myself miracles do happen and this man loves me. We’ll love each other through thick and thin. I may be messed up in some ways but see, he doesn’t care, I say to myself. I convinced myself that I had a chance at a happy life. But the one person who said he would stick around has given up on me too. And I am left here with no choice but to be okay somehow with the fact that I will spend the rest of my days completely, utterly alone. The worst part is it is going to be even harder than before because I had a taste of what it could have been like to have someone. So yes. I hate him for this. But not more than I hate myself for being this stupid. For thinking anyone would want to stay with me.”

He got up in the middle of his rant was pacing in the empty space between kitchen table and the door. He stopped though when he had no more words left to say. His back turned against Ningguang he just stood there. Not knowing what to do with himself anymore. Lost in his mind he didn’t hear the sound of footsteps nearing. He jolted when he felt arms wrap around his middle. He was speechless. Never in the 10 years they have known each other had they ever hug. Neither one of them was one for physical touch with their partners being the exception. But here they were. Ningguang’s head was resting between his shoulder blades. Her arms squeezing to remind him she was here, with him. This anchored him back to present. He closed his eyes to savor the feeling. He wanted to return the hug but was afraid that they would stop if he moved to turn around. All he could do was lay his hand over hers and hold on to them.

“Rex.” She said quietly. He squeezed her hand to let him know he was listening.

“You matter to people. You matter to me. Maybe we don’t talk about it much but you are my closest friend after Beidou. And you matter to me. You matter to her. You matter to Keqing at the office even though she mouths you off. You matter to Ganyu. You know she adores you. You matter to every life you touch with the cases. And even if you don’t believe it right now you matter to Venti. A lot. That man crying on my sofa at 4 pm in the morning was not the look of someone who wasn’t still in love or someone who was happy to ‘escape’. I don’t know why he said that. And I can’t say things will all work out fine. But remember that you are not alone. You have all of us. You have me.”

Her arms loosened and she stepped around him. Her crooked point finger tapped under his chin to lift his head up. After making sure they had eye contact she continued.

“You are loved by so many people. You are not alone no matter what you think. As for the Venti situation maybe a little time off is what is best for both of you right now. But I have faith that things will work out. He was wrecked over losing you Zhongli. He still loves you. And you still love him. You just need to talk over the things that are bothering you. My advice would be to take things slow and see where it goes. Give yourself a little break. Get your head together. Then maybe you can reach out to him. See if the two of you can work on it. I know you will regret if you don’t give it a try. But there is no rush. Alright?”

She opened her arms up inviting him into their first proper hug. Who knew, maybe these would occur more in the future. But for the moment Zhongli sank into the warmth offered by Ningguang and closed his eyes. He was taller than her but positioned himself in a way he could lay his head on her shoulder. He let her carry his weight for a while. Her body which was stronger than it looked didn’t falter under the added weight. He felt lighter than he had in a long time and sighed contently. Maybe there really was hope. After they separated Ningguang gave him a soft smile.

“Come on let’s get to the couch. I think we both deserve a glass of Osmanthus wine. I’ll go grab it.”

“Isn’t it a little early for that?” Zhongli asked sniffling a little.

“Maybe but I’m not hearing a protest.” She replied from the kitchen.

He huffed and settled on the couch. To think just 24 hours ago he sat in this exact spot in a completely different state of mind. Ningguang appeared back not giving him time to dwell on it any longer.

“You know I can’t say no to it.”

“I know.” She winked and passed him a glass.

“Would you like to be defeated by me in chess Rex?” she nodded towards the game set she spotted on the coffee table.

“Why can’t you ask like a normal person if I want to play Tian?” he laughed sipping from his drink.

“Because we both know I am going to win. Why bother to phrase it any other way?” her amused eyes challenged him. Not replying to it in words Zhongli placed the set between them and put the pieces in their appropriate places. He gestured for her to start.

“Go on then make your first move oh mighty Tianquan.”

Ningguang full on smiled, pleased with herself for succeeding in distracting Zhongli and getting him out of his head. And so they played chess and drank Osmanthus wine all the way into the night passing time in companionable silence interrupted by occasional jabs. When Ningguang left at midnight they parted with another hug. Zhongli lingered after he closed the door behind her and nodded to himself. He was not going to give up. He had something he didn’t have this morning now. He had hope. But first order of business, he thought go and change the freaking bedsheets.