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Dabi drank, and he drank a lot. But when you’re dealt the type of hand he was, you're gonna drink. But tonight was different and everyone could see it. Dabi had already finished off a bottle to himself and was drinking from another one, giving on the glass next to him. Toga kept shooting worried looks at Kurogiri and Shigaraki. Shigaraki finally had enough and ordered Kurogiri to take Dabi’s drunk ass back to his apartment.
So before Dabi knew what happened, the bottle had been snatched from his hand, Kurogiri pulled him to his warpgate. And the next second Dabi in his apartment and his back falls onto his shitty bed. He looked around and there was no sign of Kurogiri, just a glass of water and a note that said to take care of himself. Dabi laughed dryly and grabbed the letter, setting it on fire then throwing it onto the ground, and using the glass of water to put the fire out.
Dabi reached under his bed and grabbed two random bottles. If they didn’t want him to drink more they really shouldn’t have sent him home. Did they really think he didn’t have a stash at home? They probably didn’t want to be around him right now, fuck he didn’t blame them. Even Dabi didn’t want to be around himself right now. He flicked off the cap off the random, almost empty bottle of cheap booze. He finished what was left in the bottle, letting the burning down his throat ground him. It’s fucked up how much the burning feeling was actually comforting.
“Fuck!” He said throwing the empty bottle against the wall and watched the little bit of liquid fall down the wall. “I really fucked up this time.” He confessed.
Dabi sat there still and silent for a while, thinking about everything that happened today. He keeps playing the conversion in his head over and over again, it’s like a dream but he won’t wake up. “I can’t do this anymore” Damn why did it hurt so much. Dabi wasn’t even supposed to catch feelings for the stupid bird.
‘But then again you don’t really think he’s stupid do you?’ His brain reminded him.
Pissed at this thought Dabi grabbed the empty glass from the table and threw it against the wall before burying his head in his hand. He pretended he couldn’t feel the sobs that wrecked his body, even when he felt the bloody tears run down his face he still wouldn’t acknowledge that he was crying for that bird.
“Fuck this if I wanna drink myself to death, I’m gonna do it.”
He grabbed the unopened bottle and took a big gulp. He felt back against the bed and closed his eyes for a moment. Damn it was so quiet, it had been a long time since his apartment had been this quiet. Hawks were always there or they were at his apartment. And when the bird was around it was never quiet, he was always talking, humming, or listening to music.
Music, music was what Dabi needed
He groaned as he half sat up to get his phone out of his pants. He pauses at the lock screen, it was a picture of sunset. To everyone else it looked like a normal stock background but it was taken the first time Dabi stayed over at Hawks apartment. Hawks patched him up after he overused his quirk. The hero wouldn’t let him go home but Dabi wouldn’t let himself sleep. Figuring it was a trap he stayed up all night and watched the sunrise. There was a really good view from the apartment so he took a photo. Only after Dabi caught feelings did he change the picture.
Music was what he was trying to do, not worrying about his lock screen. He could change it later and delete the photo. He opened the music and pushed play. That was about all he could manage with how wasted he was. The music started playing from a little speaker Hawks had brought for him. Dabi knew from the first song this was the playlist Hawks had made for him. But Dabi was too drunk to mess around with his phone so he left it on. He would be good fuel for his downward spiral.
Dabi looked on his side table and smiled to himself. There was a nice fat joint. Thank you sober Dabi for leaving a joint there. Only after he sparked the joint did he remember it was rolled for him and Hawks to share. That's right they were supposed to stay at his place tonight. Dabi hit the joint hard, if it was rolled for both of them then it'll just get him higher.
Dabi smoked the joint and listened to a few songs, taking big drinks for the bottle. He grabbed his phone and started going through his text messages. Dabi was always really careful about any message he got from the League or anyone else in the villain world. He would read it then delete the message and he remembers every detail perfectly. (I mean was he really Endeavor’s kid if he couldn’t? His dad used to tell him things and then expect them to be recited back to him perfectly and if he failed? Well let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. Dabi wondered for a second if only him and Shouto dealt with that or if good old dad did it to all his siblings.) But with Hawks he broke that rule. He had a few messages that Hawks had sent him that he saved. Dabi knew it was a bad idea but he still started scrolling through the messages filling a little ping of pain at each one.
“Takami Keigo….Hawks. Todoroki Touya….Dabi. Dammit how things have changed right Takami-Kun?” Dabi said thinking of who he was in another life.
The white haired man, most of the black dye gone from his hair now, took another drink from the half empty bottle. He thought back to when they were both kids training in the commission together. Dabi wondered if Hawks had figured out who he was… well… before everything that happened tonight. Dabi felt the stinging feeling of tears again and that’s when he heard it.
“I'm headed straight for the floor. The alcohol served its tour.”
Dabi stopped scrolling through the messages when he came to a photo. Two men, one black, dyed hair and the other with golden hair. Their golden and blue eyes stare at him accusingly. It was a photo they took just last week. He could see the memory like he was there.
“I've got this shake in my legs. Shaking the thoughts from my head.”
***
They were at Hawks apartment, Dabi was laying on the bed pretending to be interested in his phone but he was watching the bird like a…. Well like a hawk. Hawks turned a song, this song and begged him to dance. Dabi said no at first but he gave in when Hawk looked up at him and pleaded. Dabi was a sucker for that face. But maybe he was just a sucker for Hawks in general. Maybe he always had been.
Dabi let Hawks pull him off the bed and into a little open space in the room, and wrapped his arms around the scarred man, patiently waiting for him to do the same. Dabi was a little nervous but wrapped his arm around the bird holding him close. Even though he would never admit it, he was glad that Hawks took the lead. It had been a long time since he last danced with anyone. The shy and scared feeling left as soon as Hawks smiled at him, his smiles were blinding in the best way. They always made Dabi feel safe.
Dabi was shocked when the last chorus came and Hawks sang along with the song. Dabi wasn’t surprised to hear that Hawks should in fact sing, but then again couldn’t all birds sing? The bird also carefully wrapped his wings around Dabi, caging him in, away from the rest of the world, for a little while it was just the two of them. Hawks leaded in and kissed him sweetly before begging for him to take a picture of the two of them. Dabi tried to tell him it was a bad idea but Hawks insisted they do it. It was the one and only picture they took with each other.
***
Tears were running down Dabi’s cheek at the memory and song. It was all too much for him. He took one last drink from the bottle and put the joint out. He turned himself towards the pillow that Hawks slept on when he was here. Dabi buried his face into the pillow. It still smelt like Hawks, like his cologne and french vanilla canned coffee.
“Oh what am I supposed to do without you?”
The lyric was a stab in his chest. What was he supposed to do now? He had Takami-Kun back and he lost him again. Dabi sobbed into the pillow, crying harder than he could remember ever crying. But something soft brushed his hand. He lifted up the pillow to see one lone red feather.
Hawks’ feather.
He picked the feather up carefully. He knew that Hawks could use them to hear but he didn’t know how long they worked for or how far. It was possible he left it here to spy on Dabi and get information for the commission but Dabi could care less it was a piece of Hawks. Dabi gently petted the feather, remembering how soft the wings felt as he ran his finger through them. A stray tear rolled off Dabi’s face and the blood tear fell onto the feather. Dabi tried to quickly wipe it off but it left a mark, the feather was ruined. It was his last thing to remember the bird by and he ruined it with his stupid tears, it’s not like they were going to solve anything.
Dabi laid down on Hawks’ pillow, inhaling his scent deeply. Dabi carefully brought the feather to his chest and held it there with such care. Just one more night he would go to sleep thinking Hawks cared about him. He closed his eyes and pretended he was laying on Hawks’ chest. He whispered quietly to the feather.
“I’m sorry and I love you Takami-Kun, I always have.”
“I'm Mr. Loverman. And I miss my lover, man. I'm Mr. Loverman. And I miss my lover.” Dabi screamed the lyrics out with every bit of hurt and pain he was feeling before falling asleep thinking that he was in Takami-Kun’s arms once again.