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“E-excuse me?” Caitlyn stammered, not sure she had heard right.
“You heard me,” Jinx said, hands on hips, glaring up at Caitlyn and making her feel two feet tall despite being six foot.
“I'm afraid I don't quite understand,” she tried to phrase delicately. “You won't let me date Vi?”
“Nope,” Jinx popped the p and poked her finger into Caitlyn's nose. “Not unless you out gay me.”
“How would I even out gay you?” Caitlyn exclaimed, a bit too loudly. She was utterly perplexed by this demand. Not that she wouldn't do it. She was serious about dating Vi and getting Jinx's approval of her. She knew it wouldn't be easy getting Jinx on her side, but still, wasn't this request a bit too much?
Jinx clapped her hands. “Glad you asked. I don't have an answer.”
Caitlyn wilted at hearing this. “You don't have an...answer?”
“Geeze, you have a hearing problem or something?” she scoffed. “You're kinda slow with this whole concept.”
Caitlyn frowned. “I can hear you perfectly fine. It's the words coming out of your mouth that are hard to swallow.”
“I'll give you a week to win against me. Mr. Clappy Clap will be our judge.”
“Who-”
Jinx went up to her workbench and picked up the mechanical monkey sitting there. “He will.”
“How is he-”
“You've asked too many questions and I don't have the time,” Jinx said, pushing Caitlyn out of her lab. “Best of luck,” she said in goodbye, waving her fingers at her. “And may the best gay win.” Then she slammed the door shut.
Confused, Caitlyn looked at the locked door before she headed over to the bar, figuring she was going to need a good drink or two before she could make sense of the jumble of Jinx's words.
“Jayce, what does 'out gay' someone mean?” Caitlyn asked.
Jayce nearly dropped his hextech hammer onto his foot. “What now?” he asked, turning to look at her. He had been in the middle of making improvements to his hammer when Caitlyn had come into his lab.
“Out gay someone,” she repeated. “I want to date Vi but Jinx is being difficult and insists I have to out gay her in order to actually date Vi.”
“Why do you care so much about Jinx's permission to date Vi? Why not just date her?”
Caitlyn sighed. “Because I care deeply for Vi and want to make sure I start off on the right foot with Jinx.”
“Despite the fact that Jinx has repeatedly tried to murder you, you want to be on her good side?” Jayce said deadpan. “I don't think she has a good side to get on.”
Caitlyn waved a hand through the air. “Yes, but she's working on being better. She hasn't tried to hurt me in...” Caitlyn took out her tiny notebook from within her inner jacket pocket where she kept a Jinx counter penciled in. She flipped to the right page and hummed. “20 days.”
“That's only because you've been out on sick leave and then she's been cooped up in her lab probably cooking up another weapon of mass destruction.”
“She didn't even hurt me when I told her I wanted to date Vi, so that has to count for personal growth,” Caitlyn argued.
“Or, she's scheming something,” he pointed out.
“I'll be fine,” Caitlyn said with a tired sigh, like a daughter done with being scolded by her mother to be careful and 'why don't you dress warmer, it's so cold outside.' “Can you help me or not?”
“With being gay? I think you need a girl for that-”
“I know how to be gay,” Caitlyn cut in. “I just don't know how to out gay Jinx.”
“Well, is she even gay?”
“I suppose she must be if she challenged me to it,” Caitlyn said.
Jayce put a hand to his chin. “I don't know how you expect me to help.”
“You and Viktor are dating, aren't you?”
From behind a stack of sky high tall papers she heard a sputtering noise as Viktor swiveled around in his seat, coffee dripping from his mouth. “What now?”
Jayce's face turned bright red. “Ah, she was just joking!” he called to Viktor. He gave Caitlyn the glare. In a lower voice, Viktor going back to his papers, she said to Jayce, “I thought you had the talk with him.”
“I didn't,” he whispered back. “When he's not doing paperwork, he's busy being a scientist and blowing stuff up with the hexcore. And he never leaves the lab, so he doesn't even exist outside of work.” Caitlyn felt a stab of sympathy for him. Vi was much the same. All about getting buff and strong (nothing wrong with that of course). But she had that stupid hangup where every time they went out for breakfast at the Last Drop, she fought the head chef.
Caitlyn rubbed her forehead. “Maybe it was a mistake to ask you for relationship advice.”
“I am totally helpful,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Try me.”
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Caitlyn asked as Jayce finished the last touches. He flattened a stray hair of the brown wig and admired himself in the mirror. He looked completely snatched. With his make up on fleek and a nice outfit to make him look a bit more feminine.
“It'll work like a charm!” he insisted. “I'll introduce myself to Jinx, flirt with her, and report back to you data on her gayness. Then, you can top her!”
Caitlyn pulled a face. “Don't say top her. That means something else.”
“I'll be back before you even know it,” Jayce gave her a wink and then left to go venture into Zaun and find Jinx.
“Good luck,” Caitlyn murmured. She had no idea how Jayce would pull this off.
Half an hour later, a harried looking Jayce came into Caitlyn's room. “Caitlyn, you're doomed. It's all over!” He fell to his knees and wept at her feet.
“What's going on? Did she hurt you?” Caitlyn bent down to help him up.
“No, she didn't hurt me,” he shook his head. “But she's such a raging lesbian that her aura blew my wig off and revealed me for the man I am. I failed you. I was useless.” He sobbed into her shoulder.
She patted him awkwardly. Now what did she do?
“Thank you for you work Jayce. But it seems this might be a battle left best alone to be fought by me,” she said grimly.
“Or maybe not,” the door slammed open and Viktor stood on the other end.
“Viktor?” Caitlyn and Jayce both gasped.
“Jinx may be super lesbian but she doesn't have the one thing you do,” he said confidently, striding in.
“What's that?” Caitlyn asked.
“MLM and WLW solidarity,” he said.
Jayce's eyes light up. “Viktor, does that mean-”
“I couldn't help but overhear your problems of the heart,” Viktor cut over Jayce's hope for Viktor being interested in him. “So I put my work aside for once, because this is more important than that,” he said gravelly. “We need you to out gay Jinx for the sake of Piltover and Zaun. She's so gay she's circled around and become homophobic. Her refusing you and Vi from dating because 'you're not gay' enough breaks laws. Together, we can bring her back to her senses.”
“But how?” Caitlyn asked, growing hopeful.
Viktor smiled.
Sevika inhaled her cigar, before letting the smoke curl around her lips like a dragon. “Why do I have to help?” She was leaning against the wall, contemplative.
“If anyone knows Jinx's weaknesses, it's you,” Viktor said. “You've seen her grow up to turn into the raging lesbian she is. We need ways to take her down.”
“You're coming to the wrong person. I can't help you,” Sevika flicked the cigar aside, moving to push them out of the way so she could walk on.
“Sevika, please,” Caitlyn added on.
Sevika shook her head. “She stole all my girlfriends from me, not even because she liked them, but because she could.”
“That's kinda brutal,” Jayce winced in sympathy.
“United we can stand up to her,” Caitlyn insisted, putting a hand on Sevika's shoulder and holding her there. Sevika looked into Caitlyn's hopeful eyes. She sighed. “I know too well the feeling of being clam jammed. I can't let you be another victim of it.”
“Thank you,” Caitlyn said genuinely.
“So, what's the plan?” Sevika asked, stomping out her cigar.
Viktor smiled.
Jinx was in her workshop working on another weapon when all of a sudden the doors went swinging open. Inside strode in Sevika, Caitlyn, and Jayce and Viktor. They were all dressed in khakis with backward facing brim hats. Sevika held a six pack of Monster, Caitlyn had a boombox, Jayce was tossing a football up and down in his hand and Viktor had sunglasses on.
Jinx's eyes opened in horror. “O-Oh no!” she yelped as she fell out of her chair in shock. “You're all so straight!....Caitlyn, what is the meaning of this?”
“It's time to give up,” Caitlyn said as the music blasted.
Sevika opened all the tabs on the Monster's and chugged them down in one green waterfall. She burped when she finished.
“Yea, give up and play some football with us,” Jayce said.
“And then we can go and read Twilight,” Viktor added.
Jinx screamed and curled up into a tiny ball. Caitlyn smirked. “Let me date Vi and this nightmare ends.”
“Fine!” Jinx cried out. “You can date her! It's not like I can tell a grown woman what or what not to do.”
Caitlyn hissed out a happy yes and fist bumped the bros. When she turned to fist bump Sevika, she found her on the floor, twitching and frothing at the mouth. The music ground to a halt. “Sevika?” they all peered to look at her.
“Chugging all those Monster's at once was not a good idea,” Jayce commented.
Viktor slapped him on the back of his head. “Go get help, idiot.”
Jayce ran off to help Sevika.
And later that day, Caitlyn was successfully able to ask Vi out on their first date.