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Countless hours had passed since Yohio strapped this awful contraption around Oliver’s head and mouth. He called it a “muzzle,” which was a word Oliver had never heard before. He quickly decided he hated it.
At first he tried to tear it off, grappling with the straps, and then he struggled with the mittens confining his claws. He couldn’t force down his anger towards himself and took it out by pouring all his energy into the hopeless task. The buckles securing the mittens over his hands and restricting his claws were impossible to open by himself. He could barely unfurl his fingers. The heavy fabric was too strong to rip from the inside and bunched uncomfortably around his fists.
At one point he began to cry out of helplessness, and it didn’t take long for him to learn that crying made it harder to breathe. The muzzle’s metal clasps dug into the sides of his face. The leather was suffocating in a way he’d never experienced before. His own breath made it uncomfortably warm and the stench of the leather engulfing his nose and mouth sent waves of nausea rolling through his stomach. With his uncontrollable sobs, he nearly made himself sick. Trying to escape the punishment fell to the back of his mind as he focused on not throwing up and asphyxiating.
The chains on the wrists of the mittens didn’t help. They attached to metal loops at the bottom of the locked closet door so he couldn’t fully stand, yet he couldn’t lie down either. The chain from the back of the muzzle to the hook fitted on top of the door forced him to keep an upright position and he could barely sleep because of it.
He ended up banging his head against the door in frustration. That course of action abruptly came to a halt when he saw scores from his horns scraping the paint off the wood. Even when he was chained up like a dog he found a way to be naughty. Yohio was right. Oliver deserved this. He attacked the one person who cared for him. He deserved this. He couldn’t even remember why he had done such an awful and selfish thing. Even the thought of it made him wince.
He wasn’t scared or angry anymore. Those emotions crumpled into sheer exhaustion as his parched throat and empty stomach became harder to ignore. The sun set and rose and the muzzle still hadn’t come off. Yohio was nowhere to be seen.
The only things he had to look at other than the tools of his imprisonment were too painful to look at. He’d rather be chained up in the dark basement than here in his room with everything just out of reach. The bed Yohio allowed him to sleep in mocked him with its nearness, and so did everything else that Yohio graciously gave him permission to use. Things a monster had no business touching and handling, like books and blankets and toys.
Cottony fatigue stuffed his brain. He resigned to slump against the door, curling into himself to try to save the remainder of his body heat from getting sucked into the cold floor. His stomach growled loudly. The glass of water he couldn’t remember why he had ignored still stood on the nightstand. His tongue stuck like paper to the roof of his mouth. Simply looking at the reminders of Yohio’s kindness was torture. He threw it all away when he had bitten his savior. He couldn’t bear to look at anything anymore.
Oliver had never bitten a human before. He never knew that it could make him feel so guilty. His fangs were supposed to be used to protect himself. Did that mean he was fated to hurt people? For the first time in his life, he felt ashamed of having them.
He had hurt Yohio. He didn’t have to remember the taste as he drew blood to know that. The flashes of shock and pain on Yohio’s face as Oliver’s jaw closed on his arm were more than enough proof. He shivered at the thought. He had attacked the man who saved him. He had growled and lashed out and acted like a feral beast. It should be no surprise that Yohio chained him up like one. The muzzle wasn’t unfair or cruel. It was justice being served. After all, what was a punishment if it wasn’t suffered through?
The door to the room opened. Oliver screwed up his eyes. He didn’t want to see Yohio get what he came for and leave the room without looking at him. Even a passing glance was a mercy he hadn’t earned.
But the footsteps didn’t enter and leave. They approached. A soft metallic thud, a shuffling of clothing, and creaks from the floorboards made Oliver open his eyes.
“My poor angel.”
Yohio sat cross-legged not a yard away, and looked upon him with a misty gaze. A crumpled tissue stuck out from his flannel shirt’s chest pocket and a tray with various items rested on the floor beside him.
“I hate punishments, but you keep forcing my hand.” He shook his head slowly. “Biting leaves me no choice but to muzzle you, even if using this horrible thing makes me want to cry.”
Because of the long sleeves, Oliver couldn’t see the place on Yohio’s forearm where he had bitten him. He could plainly see the evidence of where he had scratched Yohio’s face. The bandage over his cheek and under his eye remained. Oliver’s skin burned with shame. He hadn’t meant to unsheathe his claws, but they nicked Yohio’s face in the struggle and left two little red cuts that made Oliver want to crumble into a ashy pile of remorse.
“My sweet angel. It hurts, doesn’t it?” Yohio touched his arm over where the bite must’ve been, drawing Oliver’s attention to it and making him feel worse. “It hurts me too. I’m heartbroken you acted like that. I wouldn’t have to do things like this if you would behave yourself.”
Yohio reached to him, and Oliver leaned forward as far as he could. He couldn’t stand another moment trapped all alone. Yohio’s hands landed on the muzzle and the chains became taunt as Oliver lifted his hands. Yohio didn’t move any closer. Oliver couldn’t reach him, and he gave a muffled, pitiful whine.
“Biting is bad,” Yohio chastised quietly. Oliver couldn’t stop staring into those deathly serious eyes. “It’s very bad. Doing so isn’t something to be taken lightly. You understand, right?”
Oliver nodded weakly and Yohio’s expression softened.
“I know you do.” Yohio pressed his forehead to Oliver’s. The gentle pressure was the most affection he had received since the muzzle had been strapped on, and he desperately soaked it up.
“So you’ve learned your lesson? No more biting.”
Oliver nodded again so quickly it made him dizzy. The room swam before him as he vowed to never bite Yohio again. He would never bite anyone ever again. His fangs were little sharp traitors who had taken up residence in his mouth without permission, and he would do anything needed to keep them in line.
“Stay still.” Yohio deftly popped the clasps and pulled out the straps. The muzzle loosened and cool air from the room grazed Oliver’s reddened cheeks for the first time in what felt like weeks. The stress of the chain broke free. Yohio pulled the muzzle away and Oliver nearly sobbed with relief as he tossed it to the corner of the room, out of reach.
“That didn’t feel good, did it?”
Oliver took a deep breath of fresh air and tentatively opened and closed his mouth, trying to work out the ache in his sore jaw. He couldn’t help but flinch at the sudden touch of a soft, damp cloth against his skin. Yohio wiped the sweat and tears off Oliver’s cheeks and the dried saliva from his chin and mouth.
“I’m so sorry,” Yohio murmured. “I know it was scary, but the consequences for biting shouldn’t be ones you readily forget.”
He massaged the sides of Oliver’s face, soothing the angry red marks the muzzle had dug into his skin with his gentle hands. Oliver whimpered. He pushed into Yohio’s touch, craving something soft and real, something not constructed from cold metal and restricting leather. His mittens could touch Yohio now, and he wished in vain he could feel through the thick material.
“It’s over, and you know better now.”
Oliver began to weep without tears when Yohio kissed him on the top of his head. Yohio was so nice and gentle with him. Even when he had been so horrible as to pierce his skin with his fangs, Yohio was still patient and kind and didn’t once threaten to throw him out. His savior was warm-hearted and tender and caring and Oliver had spilled his precious blood. Twice. He couldn’t believe he had done such a thing. Maybe he really was no better than an animal.
Yohio’s hands pulled back and a mug nudged against Oliver’s lips.
“Here. Drink.”
Finally being touched had overwhelmed him, and he had temporarily forgotten his need for water. His throat screamed at him and Oliver choked on his first frantic gulp and ended up coughing it out.
Yohio returned the cloth to Oliver’s face, wiping away his mistake once Oliver caught his breath.
“Slow.” Yohio held up the mug again. “Tiny sips.”
Oliver tried a second time, shoving down the fear of not being able to drink. Follow Yohio’s orders. Yohio knows best. Tiny. Slow. He resisted the urge to swallow down as much water as he could before Yohio pulled the mug away.
“You’re dehydrated. We need to go slow.”
“‘M sorry,” Oliver croaked. It strained his throat to speak, but he forced the words out anyway. Yohio needed to know. He needed to know that Oliver would never do anything to deserve the muzzle again. He wouldn’t hurt Yohio again. He had learned his lesson. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
It took Oliver a moment to form the words. Yohio offered the water again and he drank slowly, each swallow soothing his throat. He pressed his tongue to the corner of his mouth to wet his lips once Yohio drew the mug back.
“I was bad,” Oliver finally forced out, breathless. “I don’t know why.”
“Shh, I know why you did it.” Yohio shifted to be closer to Oliver, allowing him to lean on his shoulder. His solid presence sent a strange flutter through Oliver, something reassuring but not entirely pleasant.
“It’s because you’re a monster,” Yohio said. “Monsters bite. They claw and fight and do all kinds of bad things because they can’t help it. It wasn’t your fault. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me like that, angel.”
He let Oliver sip from the mug again. The cool water felt like a drink from heaven. Yohio called him an angel, but that only made him feel worse about all the hateful and disrespectful things he had done. The guilt weighed heavily on his back. The angel here was Yohio, so patiently teaching him, not Oliver.
“You didn’t mean to hurt me, but the fact is you still did.” Yohio’s tone sank, heavy with disappointment. “You attacked me, Oliver. You bit me. You clawed me. You keep hurting me when all I want is to help you. I want to see you get better. Don’t you want to be better?”
Oliver nodded. He could be better, and never cause Yohio pain again. He would work hard and learn and hopefully never hear that disappointed voice ever again. Yohio was truly an angel, being so kind to the monster who hurt him.
“I can help you. I can help you be good. With my care and my training, you’ll be able to stop those bad thoughts you’re having.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need for that.” Yohio shook his head. “I already forgave you. Look. You’re being so good right now.”
He pushed his hand into Oliver’s hair and pet his head between his horns. Oliver melted under the touch. He wished he could stay in this moment forever, curled into Yohio’s side and being petted and called good. It didn’t matter that his wrists were still in chains and he had lost feeling in his mittened hands. More than anything, he wanted to be good for Yohio. And if this was how he could be good, he would do it.
“See? You can be a good boy if you want. You don’t have to make me punish you.”
He continued slowly letting him drink from the mug until it was empty. He refilled it using the pitcher on the tray and didn’t speak until Oliver had drank all of that as well, little by little.
“I understand why you act the way you do,” Yohio said as he filled the mug a third time. He set it on the tray instead of offering it to Oliver. “You’re trying to push me away because you feel you’re unworthy of love. You think no one loves you, but that’s not true.” He cupped Oliver’s flushed face in his warm, human hands. “I love you. I’m the only one in the world who can love a monster like you. I’ll always be here for you. Please don’t push me away, Oliver.”
“I’m sorry,” was all Oliver could manage. Trying to mold his thoughts into new words that didn’t sound like monstrous gibberish took too much energy. Even though it was true that he was very sorry for biting Yohio, those old words didn’t carry half the message he wanted to convey. Yohio said he loved him, but Oliver loved Yohio more. He adored him. Falling asleep next to him sounded nicer every second as exhaustion pulled on his eyelids.
“I forgive you, and I’ll prove it.” Yohio’s hand shifted below Oliver’s chin, his thumb brushing his cheekbone, and tilted Oliver’s face. He came so close that his dark eyes were the only thing Oliver could see. “I know you won’t bite me.”
He pressed his soft lips to Oliver’s dry, cracked ones, and held them there for one, two, three seconds. Oliver’s mind raced. Another kiss? Was he really being that good? This was something different, though. Yohio never kissed him on the lips. He usually kissed him on the head, like he’d done before. This kiss on the mouth was a show of trust, Yohio acting in a way that could get him bitten with any other monster, but it still made Oliver feel nervous. Something heated and scary hid beneath the seemingly well-intentioned action that sent his heart speeding with some deep, fearful dread. He didn’t get the chance to identify where the feeling was coming from before Yohio pulled back and it vanished.
“This mouth isn’t dangerous,” Yohio said. He smiled and gave him another, much shorter peck. Oliver had no idea how to respond to the gesture. “I don’t need to put that horrible muzzle back on, right?”
Oliver gave a weak nod. Yohio kissed the red line on the bridge of his nose.
“You want me to teach you how to be a good boy, right?”
A nod. A kiss to his forehead.
“You won’t fight when I help you with your horns, right?”
Oliver froze. He received no kiss.
He remembered.
That’s why he had bitten Yohio.
Yohio had been trying to saw off his horns.
Oliver couldn’t give an answer. He needed his horns, he needed, could he be good with them? Could he only be good without them? But Yohio knew better, his horns, they were a part of him, but his savior, would it hurt, his horns—
“I’m not human,” Oliver said, and the words felt like traitors on his tongue.
“I can fix that.”
Yohio wrapped his arms around him, and Oliver had never felt so warm and loved in his life. No one had ever shown such affection to him before. Monsters didn’t get soft words and gentle touches, he knew that. Never once did he think he would ever be hugged by someone who wanted only the best for him. Someone who would stay by his side and teach him even though he gave them reason after reason not to. Yohio made him feel things he thought were dreams and he kept jeopardizing this haven every time he lashed out.
Having his horns taken from him sounded wrong. It sounded bad. It sounded painful, but biting Yohio was worse. Yohio trusted him. That kiss was a show of trust and love and forgiveness. Oliver was a bad monster, and Yohio was giving him the chance to be a good boy. A real boy. A real, good, human boy. He wanted to be good, but his horns…
Did the horns matter as much as he thought they did? Would he rather spend another miserable, horrid day and night stuck in adamant chains? Maybe he should be begging for Yohio to strap the muzzle back on. He hadn’t learned his lesson after all.
“Oliver, everything I do for you is out of love.” Yohio softly rubbed Oliver’s back. “I want to see you get better and I want to help you. Please let me help you, my hopeless angel.” His gentle, loving tone was overtaken by a warning. “Don’t start misbehaving now. You told me you understood. I’m helping you to be human. You told me you want to be human.”
Then, Oliver had a bad thought.
Here, with his face buried in the crook of Yohio’s neck, he could do something bad. Something very bad. There was no leather between his teeth and Yohio’s skin anymore.
He could bare his fangs.
He could sink them into Yohio’s thr—
He could—
He could k—
The fear shot through his body like electricity in his veins. His chest suddenly tightened, and he swore the chains somehow found their way inside his body and around his lungs. He struggled to breathe.
“Please help me,” Oliver gasped. “Teach me. I want to be good. Teach me, please.”
“Shh, of course.” Yohio nudged Oliver’s bangs from his wide eyes. “I never said I wouldn’t teach you. Take a deep breath.”
Oliver tried his hardest to do what Yohio told him. Sobs fought their way out, and he sucked in air, attempting to focus on Yohio and calm down. His breath caught in his throat, then broke free as Yohio held him closer and his heartbeat became steadier.
“I’ll teach you something right now.”
Suddenly his wrists became lighter as Yohio unhooked the final chains. The first thing Oliver did was cover his mouth with one mitten. Then he pressed as close as he could to Yohio. He wanted not a single inch between them.
“When humans offer assistance, other humans show their gratitude by saying ‘thank you.’”
A curl of emotion stirred in Oliver’s belly, something uncomfortable and different from the pangs of hunger. He snuggled deeper into Yohio’s loving embrace. If he could just get close enough, then that vague, gross feeling might go away. Then Yohio held him tighter, and Oliver became sure.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you.”
Giving up his horns to secure his place here in Yohio’s arms wasn’t so bad. Obscure feelings weren’t enough to push Yohio away, and earning his love would make it all worth it. The saw was scary to think about, but it wouldn’t be scary in Yohio’s gentle hands. He could hear the smile in his savior’s voice.
“Good boy.”