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Oliver gingerly brushed his teeth. After Yohio filed them down, they had become noticeably more sensitive. He wanted to brush around the most uncomfortable places to avoid the slight pain, but Yohio had instructed him at length on the importance of keeping his teeth clean so he soldiered through. It was essential to take care of the things that belonged to him.
He still couldn’t believe it as he gave a big grin to his reflection. He was human. He was a human boy, no fangs or horns or claws to be seen. A good boy. Yohio had helped him to be a good, human boy.
Well, almost good.
He scowled at himself and resumed his nightly routine by rinsing his mouth and flossing. He almost broke a rule today while playing in the garden. That was almost bad behavior. To make up for it he needed to be extra good. He hadn’t ignored the rule or actually broken it, but that didn’t change the fact he had daringly toed it and the guilt hadn’t left him since.
A tap on the bathroom door. Oliver jumped, but quickly relaxed when he saw who it was. Yohio chuckled. He stepped in to cup Oliver’s jaw in his soft hand and Oliver opened his mouth wide to let Yohio inspect. His savior smiled proudly, and Oliver wanted to float off the floor with happiness when he was praised.
“Well done, angel,” Yohio said. “Come to my bedroom when you’re finished.“
Yohio left, and Oliver quickly washed his face and patted it dry. Was he going to sleep in Yohio’s bed tonight? Anticipation bubbled in his stomach at the thought. He always found it difficult to fall asleep so close to Yohio, but not because he was uncomfortable. It was the opposite. When he listened to Yohio’s breathing and soft sleeping sounds it was easier to relax at night. Everything was safe, calm, and peaceful. Oliver was protected. On nights like those he wanted to stay awake for as long as he could so he could indulge in that feeling of intensely kind warmth, of perfect safety curled next to his savior.
But tonight, did he deserve it? What if Yohio found out what Oliver did this morning? It was bad to keep secrets. Even if he hadn’t technically broken the rule, Oliver should confess before Yohio had the chance to ask anything. Maybe that would make him less disappointed. Maybe he would be proud. On the other hand, it might be better to stay quiet. Yohio knew everything, but was it possible he didn’t know this?
Oliver took a deep breath before entering Yohio’s room. Yohio sat on the side of the bed with his notebook, and his pencil danced over the page. Oliver had once asked to see what was so interesting in there, but Yohio said it was a thing for adults so he never asked again.
“My angel, come here.” Yohio held out an arm and smiled the moment he noticed Oliver’s arrival. “Give me your hands.”
Oliver did as he was told. Yohio set down the notebook and pencil to wrap up Oliver’s hands in his own.
“You were playing in the garden today,” Yohio said. “Did you have fun?”
Oliver nodded. The house’s garden was his favorite place. That sweet floral scent never failed to make him happy. There were countless beds filled with every kind of flower he could name and even more he could not. Wandering paths wound between them. The garden also had shaded nooks and crannies to hide in and patches of grass to soak up the sun. Oliver loved the sun, and Yohio told him when he was feeling stronger he could help him tend to the garden. It was something he looked forward to. How amazing it would be to work side by side with his savior and tenderly nudge the garden into beautiful shape.
“It makes me so happy to know you enjoy yourself.” Yohio stroked Oliver’s hand with his thumb. “I want this to be a nice place for you, but more importantly it needs to be a safe one.” Yohio’s voice became grave. “Oliver. Did you open the garden gate?”
Oliver’s stomach dropped.
How did he know?
“I know the rule,” Oliver stammered. He couldn’t bring himself to look Yohio in the eye. The sweat on his palms burned in Yohio’s grip.
“That is not an answer,” Yohio told him. His hands did not tighten around Oliver’s, but the room suddenly felt smaller. “I’ll ask a different question then. What rule did I teach you about the gate?”
“Never go through the garden gate,” Oliver recited. He knew the rules. He knew every rule like they had been carved into his flesh.
Or he thought he did.
“That is not what I said.”
Oliver’s blood ran cold. This was bad. This was something worth punishing. This was—
“I told you to never touch the garden gate,” said Yohio. “Did you forget what I taught you? Are you twisting my words?”
“No,” Oliver gasped. “No, I would never.”
“Never?”
Oliver was sure he knew the correct rule. He remembered writing it, reading it, hearing Yohio teach it to him. He knew the rules, he was sure of it.
“I thought—“
“Did you break my rule, Oliver?”
Oliver’s heart clenched. He fell to his knees. He pressed his forehead to Yohio’s legs and let out a sob.
“I did,” he cried. “I did! I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, my angel.” The cold edge to Yohio’s words vanished, but now they were heavy with disappointment. His hands released Oliver’s own and rested on Oliver’s shaking head and back. “My poor, misguided angel.”
“I opened the gate but I didn’t go out. I never left the garden.” Oliver couldn’t stop his voice from becoming louder, as if Yohio would understand and not impose a punishment if he explained himself at a higher volume. “I wasn’t trying to go into the forest,” Oliver said desperately. “I swear I wasn’t, I know never to do that. It’s scary there.”
Even the prospect of stepping outside the garden filled Oliver with terror. The forest on the other side of the garden’s walls surrounded the house on all sides. It was dark and imposing and what Yohio taught made Oliver frightened of it.
“Oliver.” Yohio leaned down, and Oliver buried his face in Yohio’s lap to escape eye contact, but he couldn’t escape the aching dismay that laced every syllable as Yohio continued. “You know my rules are for your protection. What if something happened? The gate doesn’t open from the outside. What if you were locked out there? Do you know how scared that would make me, not knowing where I could find you? If you were hurt I wouldn’t be able to help you.”
“I’m sorry.” Oliver’s voice broke. His entire body was hot with shame and his hands trembled even as they clutched into Yohio’s pant legs. His savior’s disappointment made him want to bawl. The entire day he’d been trying to justify what he did but Yohio was raising to the surface what he knew deep down. He had done something horrible. Lying now was not an option and it had never should’ve been a thought.
“Tell me.” Yohio’s tone softened. “Why did you do such a thing?”
Oliver sniffled. The guilt was overwhelming and the hard floor was starting to hurt his knees. Yohio’s hands felt like weights on his body that pushed him down. Forced him to remain in that uncomfortable kneeling position. Oliver didn’t understand why the strange sensation stirred his heart. His place was here, after all. His place was wherever and however Yohio wanted him, and he didn’t know why it suddenly felt… unfair. Even the notion of it being anything but fair was wrong. Yohio was never unfair.
“Oliver,” Yohio said. His hand caressed the back of Oliver’s head. “Tell me.”
“There was a bird,” Oliver said. He closed his eyes and focused on Yohio’s soft touch. An unearned comfort. He would definitely earn it. He saw the bright feathers once again in the warm grass. “A little bird near the wall. It looked like it was hurt. I wanted to help it, but it went under the gate. I opened the gate, but the bird wasn’t there anymore and… I know it’s a poor excuse. I never meant to disobey you. I’m so sorry.”
Yohio stopped stroking Oliver’s hair. The silence that followed made goosebumps rise on Oliver’s flesh. He didn’t dare risk a peek up at Yohio to gauge his reaction. He didn’t want to see Yohio’s face twisted with anger. Such a face he had never seen before on his savior and yet the thought filled him with a low simmering fear he could barely comprehend.
“I want to be a person who saves,“ Oliver risked. “Like you. You saved me. I wanted to be like you and save it. That bird was so little. It was so little.”
“You tried to keep this a secret from me.” Yohio’s voice was exactly the same as it was before. Disappointed. Soft. Not angry, but simply sad. Oliver’s breath became lighter.
“I was scared you might think I was lying,” Oliver said. He still couldn’t bring himself to look Yohio in the eye. I was scared you might punish me for telling the truth.
“Of course I would believe you.” Yohio smoothed Oliver’s hair back. “You’ve never lied to me before. But now you have, and it’s going to be a while before you can earn my trust again.”
Oliver’s heart skipped a beat when Yohio shifted his body and slipped a hand underneath his chin, lifting up Oliver’s face to inspect his property.
“Oliver. I’m not angry.” Yohio’s eyes filled with sorrow as he brushed Oliver’s bangs away from his face. A little wrinkle formed between his brows. “I’m relieved nothing happened to you. You could’ve gotten yourself badly hurt.”
“I’m sorry,” Oliver told him truthfully. “I’m trying to be good. I’m trying my hardest.”
“Playing in the garden is a privilege,” Yohio said. “You earn it by respecting the rules. Since you’ve shown me you don’t respect them, that privilege has been revoked. Until you prove to me I can trust you again you’re going to stay indoors.”
“Yes sir,” Oliver answered quietly. He lowered his head. Losing outside didn’t mean only losing playtime in the garden, but the sunshine and fresh air too. Oliver was horribly disappointed in himself, but also felt a small sense of relief that the punishment wasn’t worse. He then chided himself. If the punishment was worse, it would be because he needed it to be. He would accept it if it was. Yohio was never wrong about these things.
Oliver resisted the urge to rub underneath his ear and brush away the phantom press of a leather strap. He hadn’t seen the muzzle in weeks. Months, even. Because he was good. He had been good. Yet the tears continued to grow.
“Come here, angel.” Yohio pulled Oliver into his lap. His soft hand rubbed comforting strokes on Oliver’s back. The tender motions only made Oliver want to cry even more as he clutched onto his savior.
“You know I love you, right?” Yohio murmured. “You know I’m not doing this to be cruel, right? My precious angel, if anything happened to you I don’t know what I’d do. You mean so much to me.”
“I wanted to be like you.” More than the admission left Oliver as the tears began to fall. He wrapped his trembling arms around Yohio and held on tight. “I just wanted to be like you.”
Oliver wept. Yohio allowed him to. He gently rocked Oliver and drew calming circles on his back with a feather-light touch. It was too much to bear, and Oliver couldn’t understand this feeling of unfairness that dragged down his heart. His chest shook. His throat hurt. His brow ached. He wanted to escape outside to the garden, but the sunshine had long disappeared and there was no way he’d disobey his savior twice in one day.
He hiccuped and rubbed his face against Yohio’s shoulder. Yohio was fair and intelligent and wonderful in every way. Oliver felt safe in Yohio’s embrace.
So then why did Yohio sometimes make Oliver feel so…?
“I’m sorry.” Oliver smudged away his tears with the heel of his hand.
“Don’t ever be sorry for crying,” Yohio told him. A slender finger caught a teardrop that Oliver’s messy wiping missed. “It’s a very human thing to do, angel. Do you feel better now?”
“A little.”
“Good.” Yohio smiled. It wasn’t a joyful smile, but it was a smile nonetheless and Oliver’s spirits lifted at the sight. “My angel. Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean I love you any less. It simply means you need to be corrected. I can see that your intentions are pure, but I made it very clear to you that under no circumstances are you to touch the garden gate. During your lessons tomorrow, the only thing you will practice writing is the correct rule. To ensure that next time you won’t readily forget.”
Oliver nodded.
Yohio sighed. He examined Oliver’s face.
“My angel. I don’t want you to live in fear when you don’t have to. But if it will help you remember your rules… this is what I should’ve told you in the beginning.”
Yohio took a deep breath.
“There are humans out there,” he said. “Wicked men and women who, if they found you, would not hesitate to hurt you.”
“Hurt me?” Oliver’s voice came out tiny. He knew people existed outside the garden wall, it wasn’t just the two of them in the world no matter how hard it wished it to be true, but he never thought that the people out there were wicked. He never once thought that they might try to hurt him. “Why would they do that?”
“These people believe that monsters are incapable of change.”
Oliver bristled at the reminder of his past. His past without Yohio. He thought of his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He was no longer a monster. Now he was human. He knew it, and Yohio knew it too.
“I look at you and I see my own kind,” Yohio said, “a human, but when they look at you they would only see a beast. Do you know what they would do to you? Oliver. Beasts are meant to be hunted.”
“But I’m not a beast.”
“I know, angel. You’re living proof that a monster can become human.” Yohio cupped Oliver's face and rested his forehead on Oliver’s in a soft, intimate touch. “It’s just as I said. There was simply a correction that needed to be made.”
“Would they really hunt me?” Oliver asked. Looking into Yohio’s eyes, he knew he would be told the truth.
“If they knew of your existence, they would not rest until they ended your life.”
This revelation did not scare Oliver. Immediately he knew why.
“You would protect me,” he said.
“Of course I would.” Yohio pulled Oliver close and spoke into his hair. “I’d do anything to keep you safe. That’s why I built those walls. I’m sorry I had to share such an awful truth with you, but as long as you stay here with me where it’s safe, you won’t need to worry about a thing. I would never let a hunter into this house. I would never let anything that could hurt you into this house.”
“I’m sorry I broke the rule.”
“I already forgave you, love.”
Oliver shook his head. “I won’t ever do it again.”
“I know you won’t,” Yohio said. “I’m going to place a lock on that gate so you won’t feel tempted to leave again.”
“I would never try to leave you.” Oliver had never spoken truer words. Right there, being held in Yohio’s arms, was where he needed to be. Where he wanted to be.
“Of course you wouldn’t,” Yohio hushed. “You belong to me.”
Oliver’s heartbeat slowed. This reminder wasn’t one Yohio gave often, but nothing made him feel more secure. He would be ever grateful he belonged to such a strong yet kind person. Yohio was a human who was loving and merciful and careful with his things. Oliver liked to pretend that there was never a time he wasn’t one of Yohio’s things. The before times didn’t exist, he told himself, and every day it became truer. Nothing before Yohio existed. And hopefully, nothing after him.
“I belong to you,” Oliver whispered, and the words were soothing.
I’m so glad I belong to you.