Chapter Text
It was a dare, okay? Usually, no other force could make you do that if it wasn’t for your honour on the line. You’re the kind to give your word and hold your promises. That’s it.
However, since your hard crush on Captain Levi had gotten out (as if you were the only one - geez districts were full of women dying at his feet and moaning his name), you’ve been living a hard life.
It even seemed sometimes like they were leaguing against you, to make you do the most terrible things ever, in order to help you be noticed by him. Except in a very, truly bad way.
Not that you especially wanted to be noticed. Or did you?
Of course, if you had any chance at being together with him, you’d die a blissful person. You’d trade your soul.
But let’s be real here. That was never going to happen. Especially now you were to take an active role in your unrequited love story and do more than obscenely ogle him like the rest of the time.
And so, each time you could steal some semblance of privacy, this is how this week went:
“Captain?”
“What,” he snapped, as always sporting an annoyed expression looking at you. Irritated, really, as if your mere breathing was bad news.
“Are you tired?”
His mood was suspended.
“No more than usual. Why?” He answered, speaking more normally to you than he had in ages.
“You’ve been running through my mind a lot lately.” It was tame, but still hard for you to let out.
Your heart was bursting in your chest, from fear and mortification as much as death by cringe.
He deadpanned, blinking, papers stilled in his hands.
“Maybe it’s just your mind saying you’re lacking exercise.” Your eyes flew wide in horror, knowing him. “Thirty laps. Don’t be late for dinner.”
Your soul left your body.
“Captain?”
He didn’t even turn to you, so you had to walk after him.
“What.”
“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”
“Scurry the hell away before I send you there Cadet.”
“Captain.”
“What,” he said expectantly.
“Can you poke at me?”
He halted his cleaning.
“Why.”
“That way I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.”
He snorted dryly in disbelief, barely fazed.
“You sorry little shit,” he muttered under his breath. “Go back to cleaning Cadet before I wipe the entire floor with that annoying tongue of yours,” he ordered for you to hear this time.
But then your friends, laughing their ass off each time, were giving their own suggestions. Mostly encouraging you to be more direct.
“Captain-”
“What is it.” He sharply turned to you.
“Nothing, I just wanted to thank you... I’ve been... feeling off but then you appear and...” Your voice died down, strangled by your self-awareness, drowning in cringe.
You scurried away, to his relief. Finally some common sense.
“Captain,” he turned his head to you, “are you a broom?”
He raised a questioning brow.
“Because... you sweep me off my feet.”
Your friends were dying of laughter.
He used the offending object in his hands to sweep you off your feet and face first on the dusty floor, staring straight at you. You winced.
Yeah, you agreed.
“Is it hot in here or is it just you?” If you could shoot yourself dead you would. This was as direct as it could get.
He let out a sound of disbelief.
“Cadet. You do realise this is fucking harassment, on your superior no less, yes?”
You had a sudden worry. “Do you often get harassed, Captain?”
He scoffed. “No, aside from you, but that’s beside the point.” You looked relieved. “How many people do you bother like this?” he suddenly asked.
“Who do you take me for? Just you, Captain. Who else could anyone want? Isn’t this embarrassing enough?” you flat out revealed, offended.
Your eyes flew wide after realisation. He stared at you, silence settling for a little.
“Yeah, well... You better not is all I’m saying. If I catch you pulling this shit on someone else, you’re dead.” Before leaving, still frowning as he was confused and thinking.
“Captain?”
He narrowed his eyes.
“Hum... I’m lost... Could you give me the direction to your heart?”
He merely granted you a ‘so-done-with-your-shit’ stare before he continued on his way.
“Captain.” He looked at you annoyed. “Aside from being amazing, what else do you do for a living?”
He stared at you for a second.
“What was the original word?”
You winced. “Sexy?”
The whole table laughed, unsurprised.
“Alright, who put you to this?”
“Hum... Everyone.”
He perused around. They didn’t look guilty at all them fuckers.
“Hanji too, right?”
“Yep.”
She was hysterically dying on the table next to him.
He sighed. “For how much longer.”
“A few days. I swear.” Or until he believed you? No, no...
He deadpanned, lids fluttering on his eyes rolling up, crossing his legs. You winced.
“You’re writing them on your hand now?”
“Yes. You’re so handsome that I’m afraid to forget them.”
He blinked, unfazed. “...You’re lame.”
You wanted to cry.
“Alright, I haven’t all day. Shoot away.” He gestured as if doing a ‘come at me’ before crossing his arms.
But, you like... already did? Shoot.
“Can I follow you? I always want to follow my dreams.”
He opened his mouth, as if his words had been at the ready to roast you. He froze instead.
“Hm,” he dropped almost thoughtfully.
“You liked this one?” you said hopefully.
He tilted his head, holding a finger up. Then he paused for thinking, closing his eyes. But decided otherwise and just walked away.
Did you say something wrong in the end?
“Captain.”
“Yes,” he answered. His curt and prompt reply surprised you, like he had gotten used to your shitty pick-up lines and became trained and ready to suffer them and be done with it at lightspeed.
“Hum... Do-do you... happen to have an extra heart? With you I’m one short.” You gazed at him expectantly.
“Hm. You changed this one too or something, no?”
You let out an excited smile.
“Yes! You can tell?”
He took a pause.
“Just keep writing them. They made me want to split open my veins the least.”
“Captain?”
“Yes, Cadet,” he answered tiredly.
“Is there something wrong with me?”
He deadpanned. Now you were asking for it.
“You mean to tell me you haven’t been aware all this time?”
You smirked.
“I knew it. I can’t take my eyes off you.”
He blinked, face even.
“Yeah, I noticed, you insufferable fuck.” And oops~ “Predicting answers now, huh. Smooth little shit.” He was almost smirking, arms crossed.
That little pull of the lips was worth all the gold in the world to you.
“Captain~!” You said teasingly.
He turned to you, raising his brows expectantly.
“Take me to the infirmary please, I’m broke all over from falling hard for you.”
“Haul your dumb ass to bed before I take you on your word.”
You choked on your saliva.
“I-is that a threat or-”
“Now!”
You fled.
“Captain!” You bounced in front of him, now excited to hand him your last ‘finding’.
He waited. You coughed to turn serious.
“I know nothing lasts forever... So could you and I be nothing?”
This time he had no outward reaction whatsoever.
“Too far,” he finally rated it.
“Oh,” you dropped disappointedly.
“You should keep those for when you really mean it.”
You... meant every single one of them, as lame as they were. Which made them even harder to say. You pouted, dejected. He observed you curiously.
You separated.
“Captain!”
He turned his face to you.
“It’s finally over! Last one.” Because it was time to give up.
He faced you entirely, waiting, expressionless.
“Each time I feel down, I think of you. And everything you did, and still do. And I feel better, knowing it’s okay to try, lose and fail, but never give up. Your wings are an inspiration to us all.”
You inhaled a big breath.
“Thank you Captain!” hitting your fist on your chest.
He raised his hand... and patted your head.
“Good work, Cadet.”
Then he sighed out tiredly.
“Now you and I are finally free of this shit.”
“Yes. Sorry for the bother, Captain,” you whispered between your teeth, a little guilty.
“It’s alright... it was fun sometimes.”
“Really?” you smiled, feeling granted.
He grinned back, slightly.
“By the wall... did the sun shine out on me, or did you just smile?”
He deadpanned, smile falling.
“I thought this was over, Cadet.”
A few weeks later:
“Captain?”
He turned to you, back to being annoyed with you.
“Are you electric?” He closed his eyes and took a breath in, as if to ask all the deities in existence for strength. “Because you turn me on.”
“...Lost again I see.”
You sadly nodded.
He suddenly leaned on you, pressing you against the stone wall. You combusted.
“Careful what you say then. Because I have a bet,” he dropped, staring at you.
“I-I... What? What bet?”
“That you only had to sprout those damn shitty lines for a week. While you and I both know you had them going for way longer than that, hm? At least you weren’t fucking around, as you said. Were you sad shit hoping they’d truly bear results at some point?”
You blushed to the tip of your hair. He stared at you, his nose almost touching yours.
“I’m waiting,” he rasped.
He expected an apology. He got something so out of there instead:
“You-you’re... so dirty-mouthed, Captain. Can I clean it after a close personal inspection?”
The audacity. The stupidity. How were you still alive? You clearly had no survival instinct. He scoffed, a grin threatening to pull at his lips.