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She left the email unread for quite some time after the skirmish on Horizon.
Long after she had scraped her armour clean of dead seeker bugs. Long after the buzzing inside of her head had abated. Long after the ache set in jaw from clenching so tightly in rage.
She registered her name being called but she pretended to be ignorant of them, sagging against the rear wall of the elevator as is hummed its ascent to her quarters. She needed solitude right now, ironically to reflect on how furious she was that she was doing this without a friend in the damn world.
She needed to hit something, damnit! Her tongue grew fat in her mouth - she wanted a drink. She ached - so, so tired - and she felt so many emotions at once she grew nauseous.
HOW-FUCKING-DARE-YOU.
How dare you.
How could you?
A vaccuum forms inside her. The rage evaporates and all that is left is an ache. Loss. Fear. She wants to be held. She needs someone... Anyone...
She needed Kaidan like a hole in her head - friendly faces were few and far between after 2 years KIA. But he always had his doubts. His questions. Burning moral quandries. At one time she had found that frustratingly endearing. Yet when she needed him to just fucking trust her, even believe her, there he was. Just like the rest of the Alliance and the galaxy at large it seemed, Kaidan was content to thrust his head deep into that warm, dark, comforting sand.
Fuck you, Alenko. An email?
After all the shit they went through, he sent an email. A fucking email.
Subject line "about Horizon".
She didn't want to hear it. It had been a couple of days, just sitting there. Itching at her.
Kelly had even stopped reminding her about unread messages, had taken to giving her the side eye. Wasn't like her to keep quiet, but maybe Shepard gave off strong enough 'don't-ask-how-my-kind-of-ex-lover-took-my-return-from-the dead' vibes, for the time being.
Garrus gave it barely 48 hours before he felt the need to prod. A little more than she would give him after talking him down from Sidonis.
There was something comforting in the dark and relative cool of the cargo bay, with the scent of engine oil and mechanical lubricants laced with metal and gunpowder. It must thave been the same for him, too, if where he chose to lurk day by day was anything to go by.
She felt more than noticed his presence.
"That was rough Shepard.. back on Horizon."
"I don't want to talk about it." she grinds out, staring fixedly at the guns dissembled and spread out across the weapons bench, hands covered in grease.
"I know you don't," He replies, his usual mild, scathing tone seeping in. "But I think you should. I wouldn't suggest doing it sober, though."
She hears the slosh of liquid in a bottle, and can't help but soften a little. She'd been too angry to consider that she did in fact have a friend or two on board the Normandy. Even if it flew Cerberus colours. She just needed to stop being stubborn.
"I know it's hard, Shepard. I know what this betrayal feels like . It's a different kind to the sort where people end up dead, but still... It hurts."
"Garrus..."
He sets a beaker down filled with liquid the colour of sickly club lighting at her elbow, and takes a perch upon some stacked crates beside her in the cargo bay.
"don't get soft on me now. Down the hatch, is that what you Humans say?"
She wipes her greasy hands on a rag before taking the drink and knocking it back with only minimal gagging, much to Garrus' amusement. "The hell is this Vakarian? You trying to poison me?!"
"Mordin said it was most likely safe for Turian-Human consumption".
"Most likely? I don't like those odds."
"Says the woman leading us on a suicide mission through the Omega relay."
His eyes flicker with mirth, and in spite of the misery she had been mired within, and would likely return to yet, she felt relief.
"I am damn glad I rescued your sorry ass off Omega, Garrus. It's good to have you at my side. More than you could know."
"I've always got your back, Shepard. You can count on that."
They drink in silence that befits the solemnity of this promise.