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Chapter Text

the sun don’t shine when i’m alone / i lose my mind and i lose control / i see your eyes look through my soul

June 5th, 2019 - 7:00 AM

When Fez woke up that morning, the red numbers on his digital alarm clock read 7:00 AM and Lexi’s side of the bed was empty. As far as he knew, that was strike one and two.

How the fuck she leave without me knowin’? thought Fezco, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. In his line of work, Fez had to be ready for anything to happen—good or bad. What was the point of him taking the left side, closest to the door, if he slept through every fucking thing?

Shaking his head, Fez got out of bed and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. The room was dark, shades drawn—a real tripping hazard. He spent a good few minutes trying to find his cigarettes and lighter before swiping them off the bedside table.

Swinging the door open, it was like God said “let there be light” or some shit. Too damn early for this, he thought, shielding his eyes. 

Fez had never been a morning person. Then again, neither was his grandma, but comas didn’t really care about that. 

Crossing the hallway, he checked on her. In times like this, so early in the morning, he could almost pretend she was asleep like everyone else. Dreaming peacefully. Ready to wake up after a few hours and steal his smokes. The beeping of her heart rate monitor kind of took away from that fantasy.

“Mornin’, grandma,” Fez said, venturing deeper into the room. “How you doin’?”

Her vitals were good. Ashtray was probably in here earlier. Her piss bag was new and empty. Either that or her kidneys were failing, and Fez didn’t wanna think too much about that possibility. 

He fluffed her pillow. “Aight, I’ll see ya later,” Fez said.

Hands in his pajama pockets, he made his way past the living room and to the dining area. He could see Lexi moving around in the kitchen. Ash sat at the table, eating a bowl of cereal and scrolling through his phone. Fez punched him on the shoulder. 

“Hey, man,” he said. “Whatchu doin’ up?

Only Ashtray could angrily eat a bowl of Froot Loops.  “Last week of school,” Ash answered.

To be honest, sometimes Fez forgot that Ash was still enrolled in East Highland Middle School. It was mostly a formality to keep CPS off their back. Fez had to call a guy to get the papers drawn up. Ash O’Neill, adopted son of Marie O'Neill. He called in sick a lot. Chronic illness. Either his teachers truly didn’t give a fuck or Fez had finally perfected the art of forging his grandma’s signature. As long as they weren’t asking any questions, that’s all he cared about.

Deep down, Fez knew he wanted more for his brother. Fezco taught Ashtray everything he knew, from basic math to the different types of drugs they sold. But there was a lot more to life than that. As long as Ash was willing to go, Fez was happy to spend weekdays dealing at the shop alone.

“For real?” Fez said, lighting his first cigarette of the day. “That’s wassup. What grade you in, anyway?”

“Seventh,” he said, spoon clanging loudly in his bowl.

“Yo, congrats,” Fez said, puffing out smoke. “Lemme know if you need a ride or somethin’. I gotta drop Lexi off anyway.”

“She’s listenin’ to her weird music again,” Ash said, ignoring Fez’s offer. “It’s too fuckin’ early for that shit.” 

“You give her headphones?” Ash gave him a dark look. “Aight, I’ll talk to her, damn.”

As Fez shuffled to the kitchen, he drank in the sight of his girlfriend. Lexi stood at the stove with her back turned to him, dancing along to music Fez couldn’t hear. She wore a pair of tiny jean shorts and a plaid yellow top, all ready for the day despite the godawful hour. 

Her hair was tangled with the white headphone cords. Cigarette hanging from his mouth, Fez wrapped both arms around her waist. “Mornin’, Lex."

“Good morning, Fez,” she said, smiling up at him. She took out the earbuds and placed them around her shoulders. “Are you hungry? I’m making food.”

She had half the fridge out on the kitchen counter and an empty pan in front of her. Raising his eyebrows, he put his cig between two fingers and kissed the side of her neck. “Hell yeah, I’m hungry.”

“Stoppp,” she said, giggling but pushing him away. “Go sit over there or put that out. I don’t want smoke in my eggs.”

“Bossy,” he said, stubbing out the cigarette and jumping up on the cabinet. “Ash said you was listenin’ to your weird music again.”

Lexi rolled her eyes while cracking eggs into a bowl he didn’t know they had. “Hyperpop isn’t weird."

“Hey, that’s what I told ‘im,” Fez agreed, holding up his hands in defense. “You excited for school?”

She poured the mixture into the pan and turned up the heat. “Yeah, finals suck but it’ll be nice to take a break. Plus I have that college class this summer so it won’t be that different.” Lexi sighed. “Is it weird that I’m a little sad?”

“Nah, I getchu,” Fez said, shrugging. “You like school. ’s hard to quit somethin’ you love, even for a lil while.” Just ask Rue, he thought to himself.

Lexi nodded, stirring the eggs with a spoon until they clumped up. They sat in comfortable silence as she cooked.

Fez scratched his beard, thinking about what he had to do for the day. First, eat a bomb ass breakfast that he didn't even have to make himself. Drop Lex and Ash off for school. Head to the store, count the cash in the register and sell a bunch of overpriced Flamin' Hot Cheetos to stoners. Give Grandma her meds at lunch time. Go back to the store, hook up the blue collar crowd—after all, it was 5 o'clock somewhere. Wait until 3:15 PM rolled around and finally, finally it was time for Lexi to come home. 

Since when did he measure his days around East Highland's teaching schedule? He hadn't stepped foot in there in years, except for dealing at the winter formal last December. Of course, the answer to that question stood right in front of him—and was currently adding lettuce to his eggs.

"The fuck is that green shit, Lex?" he asked, pointing at the frying pan. Looked like something straight outta Dr. Suess.

"Oh, this? I brought kale from home. It goes really good with eggs," she said, adding some salt and pepper like that'll make it better. At his skeptical look, Lexi added, "What, don't you trust me?"

With my life, he didn't say. "Aight, I trust you." Then, under his breath, just loud enough for her to hear: "Fuckin' green eggs and ham shit, for real."

"Fezco!" she squawked, brown eyes wide as hell, throwing a piece of eggshell at him in fury. He dodged it no problem. "Fine, no food for you then."

"Aw, don' be like that." He laughed and jumped down from the counter, stealing a piece of cheese. He knew Lexi well enough to know she wasn't actually mad. "Lemme make you dinner tonight. None of that kale shit, though."

She pointed the spoon at him. "I'm holding you to that."

hours on the phone, we end up talkin' / past, present, future, all the gossip, goddamn / puppy love ain't what it was, darlin' / feelings that we have are so alarmin'

January 1st-March 10th, 2019

Their meeting on New Year's Eve was a complete accident. He was looking around the room, waiting for playboy to show his face, when a pretty girl sat down right next to him. Lexi was her name. She talked about King James, the Christians stealing Christmas and a bunch of other cool shit.

Talkin’ to you was one of the best parts of my whole year, he'd said. A cheesy line, no doubt, but it was the truth. By the end of the night, he had Lexi's number and Nate Jacob's blood on his knuckles. Fez just hoped he hadn't messed up this new thing between them.

A few days later, she showed up again—at the store this time. For a second Fez thought she came to see him, that he really didn't scared her off, but all Lexi wanted was a drink. Malt liquor, can you believe that shit? Desperate to keep a dead conversation going, he asked if she needed any help and apologized for leaving New Year's without a goodbye.

East Highland Certified Dairy wasn't exactly known for its customer service. That's why he all but told a guy to fuck off over some spearmint gum. Plus, Lexi was looking at the dude like he killed her cat or something. Then the motherfucker acted like he had a gun on him, hand in his pocket and all up in his business. Faye thought he was a cop. Ashtray beat on people for a lot less than that in the past.

Spouting some "concerned father" bullshit, the guy gave him a twenty dollar bill for a bag of Funyons and made a quick getaway. Fez watched him go, the store's fluorescent lights flickering in the background—only adding to the whole creepiness of the situation. Lexi left soon after that, drink in hand. Not that he blamed her for it. Still disappointing as fuck, though.

He spent the rest of the night going over the conversation in his head. Before Fez could stop himself, he typed out a message.

fez

hey

how was ur drink?

Lexi

It was really good. Thanks Fez

fez

ur welcome

did u kno that guy 2night?

From there, Lexi told him the whole story: How Nate's dad cornered Lexi and her sister until one of them gave Fez up. Lexi on her way to tell him, then freaked out at the sight of Cal. But that didn't explain how weird she was acting before Cal even showed up.

Lexi

I'm so sorry

I should've said something at the store

fez

u good

fearless as fuck

thx for tellin me fr

From then on, they texted all the time. Fez was usually the first one to start the conversation. Late at night, early in the morning—he just couldn't help it. Lexi would talk about studying for the SATs or random facts about history, and Fez hung onto her every word like a fucking lovesick puppy.

Clearly he was doing something right, because she would show up at the store more often than not, peddling her little bicycle to the bad side of town without a care in the world. Fucking fearless. She sat on the counter next to the register, talking to him in between customers—especially happy when Faye wasn't around, for some reason. What was that all about?

Eventually, Custer came back and took Faye with him. And Cal...Cal never did show up again. Whether it was the butt of Ashtray's gun or the truly confusing conversation about Jewel, Fez was just glad to get rid of his crazy, stalking ass.

A month or two passed by. Fez and Lexi were friends. Good friends. Hell, she was probably the best friend he ever had, besides Ash.

Fez knew he wanted more.

They finally got together in early March, right after Lexi's spring recital ended. Fez could tell she was shocked when he showed up with flowers. But fuck, she deserved them—This is Life was hella good. She wrote and directed a whole ass play, like Steven Spielberg or some shit. Ask anyone and they'd tell you it was a huge success.

There was obviously a lot of truth to what she wrote. A lead character constantly in the shadow of her older sister, who was desperate for love and looked for it wherever she could? A best friend, addicted to drugs and dealing with a bunch of girlfriend problems because of it? Fez knew he was slower than most, but even he could put two and two together. Had Cassie and Rue actually came to watch the play, they probably would've had a problem with Lexi putting their business out for the whole world to see.

Cassie and Rue didn't show, but Fez sure did. Went to see it more than once. And she wasn't even his girl yet, that's how down bad Fez was for her. A few months of her coming to the store, texting back and forth, and Fezco was acting like a goddamn groupie. It was fucking embarrassing. He snuck in and out without her knowing each time. That is, until the final night.

The flowers were from a local florist. Surrounded by roses and daisies and other frilly shit, Fez felt really fucking out of place. Maybe it was his scar or the way he talked, but the lady at the cash register was gripping her damn pearls like he was gonna take them straight off her neck.

"Yo, how much for these?" Fez asked, pointing at a batch of yellow and white flowers. 

"Those are $50," said the old lady.

For fuckin' flowers? he thought. Next time, Fez would just steal some from his neighbor's garden.

(If there was a next time.)

"Aight, bet." Fezco pulled out his wallet, paying her in cash. "Here."

Fezco sat with them in his lap for the entire play. What was he—a little girl, wishing on flower petals? She loves me, she loves me not? He tried not to think any more about it.

After the cast gave their final bow, a girl stepped up to the microphone. "Let's give a round of applause to our fearless writer and director, Lexi Howard!" said Bobbi. Fez gave a loud whoop. "We couldn't have done this without her. Lexi, is there anything you'd like to say?"

Bobbi jammed the microphone in Lexi's face. "Oh, um," she said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "Thanks for coming to our show. Live in Grace!"

The crowd erupted in another round of applause. Afterward, Fez made his way to the stage. Lexi was gone.

"Hey, Bobbi," Fez said. "You seen Lexi?"

"I think she's by Hair and Makeup." The girl was carrying a box of props, setting them down with a sigh. For him being the town dealer, she didn't seem too worried about him asking. "Tell her I need some help. The whole crew went to wrap dinner at Applebee's and didn't clean up."

"Ah, shit," Fez said, scratching his head. "I'll send 'er over. Thanks, Bobbi."

Lexi wasn't by Hair and Makeup, or the prop closet, or the women's restroom. (Yes, Fez did yell "Yo, Lex, you here?" No one answered, which was probably a good thing.) He eventually found her in the back row of the theatre, staring up at the stage. Even Bobbi had left by then.

Fez stood in the aisle, shifting from foot to foot. He clutched the flowers with a death grip.

"Lexi?" he said, trying to get her attention. She kept staring straight ahead. "Yo, Lexi. Whatchu doin' back here?" 

Lexi shook her head, like she was shaking the thoughts away. There were tear tracks on her cheeks. Finally, she looked over at him, mouth shaped like an "o" in surprise. "Fez? What are you doing here?"

Chuckling, Fez gestured with the bouquet. "Asked you first," he said, moving to sit down.

She laughed weakly. "Fair enough." Then, staring at the hands in her lap, she said, "I, um...I just wanted to remember this night, you know?"

"Yeah, I getchu," Fez said. "Ion know much about plays, but that shit was dope. For real."

Wiping her tears, she gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Fez."

"That part where Grace bitched out 'er sister?" Fez said, thinking back. "Goddamn, 'bout time, huh? Fuckin' had it comin'."

"Yeah, the real thing isn't quite as satisfying." Lexi shook her head. "Cassie always has to have the last word."

Fez scratched his beard. A beat of silence passed. Then, "Ion know. Kinda feels like you got the last word, writin' that play. Donchu think?"

"I guess you're right." Shyly, she pointed at the flowers in his hands. "Are those...um, are those for me?"

"Oh, shit, yeah." Fez pushed them into Lexi's arms. "For the director."

"Wow, thank you," she said, taking a sniff. "They're beautiful. No one's ever gotten me flowers before."

"For real?" asked Fez, eyebrows damn near in his hairline. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. How was Fez the first sorry son of a bitch to get this pretty girl some flowers? "Bullshit. Someone must've got you flowers before. Not even a boyfriend?"

"Oh, uh..." Lexi was blushing hard. If Fez weren't so heated, he would've said something. "I've never had a boyfriend either."

"Now you really lyin'," Fez said. There weren't many people in this world who could lie to his face and get away with it. "How the fuck's that possible, you never havin' a boyfriend?"

"Ion know," she said, shrugging. Damn. They hung out so much that Lexi was starting to sound like him. While he was learning a bunch of random facts about history from their conversations, she was dropping letters and syllables. Not much he could do about that. "No one was ever interested. Well, except Tucker Blake and he didn't text me back after Homecoming, so I sort of let that go on its own."

"Tucker Blake's a dumbass," Fez said, and Lexi burst out laughing. It echoed throughout the empty theatre. "'m serious. How you gonna fumble the ball so fuckin' badly?"

Between her giggles, Lexi said, "I didn't realize you were such a football fan, Fez."

"I'm not, but damn." 

After that, they sat in silence for a bit. Fezco's leg was shaking. He knew what he needed to ask—but fuck, it was nerve-wracking. How exactly did you ask someone to be your girlfriend? Especially someone as sweet, smart and pretty as Lexi Howard? She was the whole fucking package.

"Uh, speakin' of that," Fez started, rubbing his scar and unable to meet her eyes. "How you...how you feel 'bout bein' my girl?"

Tripping over his words like a little bitch and couldn't even ask a girl out properly. Fez was ready to get up and hightail it outta there, never looking back, when Lexi grabbed his hand and pulled him closer.

 "Oh, Fez." Rough palm against her soft one, he looked up at the sound of his own name. She was looking right at him, all fond and shit. How'd he get a girl to look at him like that? "I already thought I was."

How, how, how?

Fez was a dealer. He may not take much of what an addict says seriously, especially when they're a close friend begging for drugs, but a lot of what Rue shouted that day was true. He's full of shit, making his living off selling drugs to teenagers. The moral thing to do would've been to leave Lexi alone a long time ago. 

He wasn't a strong man, either. Not this time. Holding hands with Lexi Howard, picturing a future without her in it, Fez found himself saying five more words. "Can I kiss you, Lex?"

Lexi bit her lip, nodding up and down a bunch of times.

He learned forward. So did she.

They met in the middle.

i tried to hit it while you was gettin’ dressed / you said, “all you ever think about is sex” / i’m like, “oh well, you know me so well / and if this what make you late, i swear i won’t tell”

June 5th, 2019 - 3:15 PM

So that's how Fez and Lexi got together. Romance, fireworks—all that shit. Three of the best months of his life.

It led him to present day, a few hours after a healthy kale and egg breakfast, sitting outside East Highland High School in his grandma's Cadillac. 

fez

jus pulled up

how long til u done?

Lexi

I’m getting dressed. Be out in a minute!

fez

send pics or u lyin

jk take ur time ill be out here

Fez put his phone on the dash, nodding along to the music on the radio. The passenger seat was empty. Ash said he would get his own way home. He probably ditched halfway through and didn't want Fez to know. Back in the day, Fezco was doing the same shit.

In times like this, it was hard to think about Ashtray as a kid and not just his business partner. No one was looking out for him besides Fez. Not his teachers, the principal and definitely not their grandma. Shit, maybe Fez should make more of an effort to say how important it is to go to class, but that's not exactly easy to hear from a high school dropout. Fezco lost a lot of credibility on the subject when he decided to leave and never look back.

Lexi, on the other hand, took her education very seriously. As she should. There wasn't anyone in this town better suited for getting the fuck of here—through college, her plays or just sheer will (which Lexi had a lot of). As much as he hated to think about that day, it was gonna happen no matter what. Fezco knew he wouldn't be the one to stop her.

Fuck, I need a cigarette, thought Fez. Pulling out a pack of Newports, he put one in his mouth and went to light it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone approach the car.

Lexi opened the car door and got in. "Hi, babe!" she said, quickly throwing her backpack and duffle bag in the back seat. She was wearing different clothes than she had on that morning, her face unnaturally red and hair slick with sweat.

"Sup, Lex," he said, puffing smoke the opposite direction. "You have a good day?"

As Fez peeled out of the parking lot, he got the full run down. "Coach Larsen made us run the mile for our final, can you believe that? It was hell." Lexi huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Some people walked the whole thing. You know, in protest. Seriously, students have enough to worry about without having to sprint a mile in 100 degree heat."

He smirked around his cigarette. Even though he already knew the answer, Fez couldn't help asking a question. "You walk the mile then? In protest."

Lexi was quiet, then shook her head. "Well, no..." she said. "But I may as well have! My time was 9:10, Fez. 9:10."

"Shit, good thing you ain't runnin' from the cops." They shared a laugh at that. Fez stubbed out his cigarette. Then, after turning at a STOP sign, Fez sympathized. "For real, though, I ain't runnin' no fuckin' mile just 'cause some bald motherfucker says I got to."

"Exactly," Lexi said, taking out her ponytail. "Plus I have to shower now! I'm all sweaty and gross. Good thing I have gym last period or I'd be miserable all day long."

As far as Fezco was concerned, Lexi could never be "gross." He still liked giving her shit, though.

"Yo, I'm glad you said somethin'. Startin' to stink the Caddy up, for real." Fez rolled down the passenger window, scrunching his nose in fake disgust. "Got this fuckin' thing—" He flicked the tree-shaped air freshener hanging from the car mirror. "—workin' fuckin' overtime and shit."

That earned him a slap to the shoulder, which he expected. And before they knew it, Fez and Lexi were home.

(Well, back to his house.)

Lexi headed straight for the bathroom. He said multiple times that it was just a joke, that she didn't actually smell, but Lexi still locked the door behind her. Fez really had to pee, too. And he would never admit this to anyone, not even Ash, but sometimes Fez liked to sit on the toilet and talk to his girlfriend while she showered. Not even in a sexy way, though it was definitely an added perk. Just having a conversation as she washed her hair. It was nice.

That being said, Fezco never knew that dating a woman involved having so much shit in the shower. Each thing had a different name. Shampoo, conditioner, body scrub, face wash. And no, the body oil was not for sex—he asked. Take one step in there and you knock it all over.

(Ash had bitched about this more than once.

Fez couldn't care less. He was just happy to have Lexi around.)

Speaking of Ash, he should probably find out where he was. Fez pulled out his phone.

fez

yo wya

As he waited for Ashtray to text him back, Fezco looked through the fridge for something to eat. Random condiments, leftover Domino's, Lexi's kale. He took out a slice of pizza and ate it cold. Turns out he was hungry, because he ate another. And another. Soon, the box was empty and thrown into the recycling.

His phone buzzed.

ash

store

That was it. Shaking his head, Fez cursed his little brother for being a kid of so few words.

fez

hows business

u need me 2nite?

ash

nah

"Hey."

He looked up from his cell. Towel drying her hair, Lexi entered the kitchen, She wore a pair of his black boxer shorts and a Notorious B.I.G. shirt. "Leave anything for the rest of us?" Lexi asked.

Fezco couldn't help himself. He went up and kissed her—the sort of kiss that could lead somewhere if they wanted to. However, they were in the kitchen, so probably not.

"Got some o' that green shit from this mornin'," he said, hands around her waist. Fez leaned in for another kiss, eyes almost closed and everything, when Lexi pointed a finger in his face.

"Speaking of that!" Looking all self-righteous and shit, she continued, "Don't think I've forgotten about dinner tonight, Fezco. You promised."

For fuck's sake. This girl had a great memory, that was for sure. "If I'm cookin' you food, you at least spendin' the night?"

Lexi didn't like to stay here every night, as much as he would have loved her to. They talked about this before. She didn't want to leave her mom and Cassie alone for too long. When she wasn't there to break up their fights, it could get bad. Like throwing shit, breaking glass, crying on the kitchen floor kind of bad. 

She spent the last two nights at Fezco's house. It was probably time for her to go back. Still, Lexi gave him a little peck on the lips and some honest motivation. "Maybe, maybe not. You better get a move on."

Fezco looked at his watch. "It's fuckin' four o'clock."

Lexi hopped on the kitchen counter, next to the stove. She tapped a finger on her chin like she was thinking real hard about something. "Think of it like this. Starting now gives you enough time to burn the food, order us takeout and then have it get here in time for dinner. Whatd'ya say?"

He shook his head in awe. "Fuck, Lexi, you the smartest."

all i ever known is the color gray / your lovely ways bring me sunshine / i found an angel so divine

April 20th-June 5th, 2019

Fez did in fact burn dinner, but the Chinese takeout from down the street tasted much better than anything he could've ever made. They ate on the couch, watching a nature documentary while Fez struggled with his chopsticks. 

These were his favorite kind of nights. Neither of them talked much, except for the random comment here or there. "Damn, fuckin' hyena's loud as shit." Or, "How you gonna make me watch two hours o' Simba livin' his life 'n fuckin' kill him in the end?" ("This isn't a movie, Fez. Sometimes they die. And I think you mean Mufasa, babe.") He spent a lot of time watching her, too—loved watched how interested she got in this kind of stuff, pointing out random facts about animals he'd never heard of before. It reminded him of that first night on New Year's Eve.

But right now, two lions were fucking. It got him thinking. "Hey, you wanna have sex tonight?"

Lexi kept looking at the screen, but nodded. "Yeah, sure. When this is over. There's like 20 minutes left."

Sex with Lexi was always great. Awkward at first, but who gives a fuck about that? Hell, he spent the first month or so of their relationship ignoring sex altogether, not wanting to pressure or make her feel uncomfortable.

She actually brought it up somewhere around month two.

"Why don't you wanna have sex with me?" Lexi shyly asked, blushing from her face down to her neck. They were sitting on his bed after a makeout session was cut short because Fez had to "move his car."

He moved his hand off her neck. "Huh? Tha's crazy. Course I wanna have sex with you."

She huffed. "Really? Why don't you—oh, I don't know—have sex with me then?" After that, Lexi got real quiet and looked down at her hands, picking at them—something she did when she was nervous. Nail biting, too. Fez reached out to stop it, holding their palms together. "Is it because I'm a virgin? I get if that's weird and you probably haven't been with a virgin before, but it's not really something I can help. Plus, I read an article in Teen Vogue that said it was completely normal for—"

"Teen Vogue? What're you talkin' about, Lexi?"

"It's a magazi—" she started to say, then rolled her eyes. "Really, that's what you got from that? My point is, Fezco, that I would like to have sex with you." Then, after a beat, she added, "Please. And thank you."

"Lexi, come on." He moved his hand to her neck, rubbing softly. "I jus' want you to be ready, that's all."

"I am," she said, nodding.

"Shit, now?" He didn't think she meant right then. In a few weeks, maybe. But now? Lexi kept nodding her head. "Aight, that's wassup, that's wassup."

She giggled. Lexi leaned forward, pulling him into another kiss. Right as it was getting heated, like they might actually do this thing, she leaned away. "Wait, don't you have to move your car? I don't want you to get a ticket."

Fezco rested his forehead against hers. "Nah, I was lyin' 'bout that. Ain't gotta move my car."

"Oh, really?" she said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Really," he said, moving to softly kiss her lips. Eyebrow, cheekbone, nose. Finally, down her neck. It drew out a sound that wasn't quite a moan or a sigh. Just an intake of breath.

They made love that night. He would never call it that out loud—especially when Ash was around to hear—but that was probably the most correct term for what the couple was doing. Not "fucking"—that was too crass—or "having sex"—too obvious. "Making love" made the most sense.

With Lexi, sex was fun and new and felt really fucking good. His favorite part was after, though. If Fez did his job correctly, Lexi usually fell asleep right away. Before their sweat even had a chance to dry, quiet snores would fill the otherwise quiet room. Her long brown hair spread across the pillow like a halo. 

Twenty minutes after the documentary ended, and about forty minutes since they went to his room and turned down the lights, Fez found himself staring at a peacefully sleeping Lexi.

His thoughts were a mess. Maybe it was the blunt his smoked after dinner or the way Lexi looked like an angel in her sleep, but it led him to think about something his grandma told him as a kid.

"Your momma had a pure heart," Marie had said, driving the Cadillac from job to job. "But your daddy always took advantage of that."

Fezco could barely remember his mom. Except for a blurry outline of a woman with red hair and freckles, she was a mystery. His grandma didn't keep pictures or old homemade VCR tapes in the house—he looked. How pure can a person be if they left their son with an abusive piece of shit like his father? 

The purest person he'd ever met was lying right beside him. Fezco hoped against hope that history would not repeat itself. 

Lexi shifted in her sleep, mumbling words he couldn't understand. The alarm clock reminded him of how late it was. As much as Fez hated to wake her, they agreed to end their little sleepover for now. Cassie and Suze were probably waiting, three wine bottles deep and not an end in sight.

"Hey, Lex," Fez said, nudging gently. "Wake up."

"Mhm?"

Lexi's eyes were still closed. Fezco smoothed the hair away from her face. In a soft voice, he continued, "You wanna head home? 's gettin' late. Got school tomorrow."

She turned on her side toward him, tucking one hand underneath the pillow. Lexi said something that sounded kind of like "'m already home." Maybe he misheard. Who knows.

Smiling to himself, Fezco placed a kiss on her forehead and moved to shut off the light. 

Chapter Text

i can’t seem to hold onto the people that know me best / the key that I won’t forget, too soon / i can't keep on losin' you

June 6th, 2019 - 12:35 AM

You didn't get to choose your family. That much was true. One day, a baby boy was dropped off at Marie O'Neill's doorstep and Fezco had a brother for life. Thick and thin, good or bad—Ashtray would be there with his hammer or fists, ready to tear shit up. Rue, on the other hand...Rue was his sister. He'd known her for a lot less time than Ash, but she knew how to crawl her way in and make him care.

She started out as a fourteen-year-old kid that he could make a quick buck off of. Weed, xannies, OCs. Anything she could get her hands on, really, but never fentanyl. He made a point never to sell fentanyl to addicts. Too many people dying, and Fez didn't want the heat. Her overdosing at the beginning of the summer had him scared as fuck. Not because his business was in danger, parents and therapists asking all kinds of questions, but because someone in his family almost died and that was on him.

Fez decided that he wouldn't help Rue kill herself. She had to buy her drugs from someone else, or—even better—get clean. He hoped it turned out to be the second one. Though, in the weeks following the winter dance, it became clear that Rue was using again. As much as Fez wanted to shake her and make the girl see sense, what exactly could he do about it? He sold drugs for a living. Ever heard a drug dealer tell people not to do drugs? Fuck no.

So, he let her crush up pills and snort them in the back of his grandma's Cadillac. Listened to her many unhinged rants, saying "word" or "that's dope" in the right places. Even held her hair back while she threw up her guts in his bathroom one Tuesday afternoon. For all the good it did them, Fezco was pretty much brother of the fucking year.

But this? This shit pissed him off, for real.

Addicts and dealing didn't mix. The first time Rue got dragged into Laurie's apartment, she was forced up there by B.J. and Bruce. Not much either of them could do about that. Today, Laurie knew they were coming. No need to hold them at gun point and make them strip. A girl left behind in his car while Fez and Ash got to business was considered A-OK. Rue would wait in the Caddy, play Candy Crush on her phone or whatever the fuck else she liked to do for fun, and let them do their thing. Fez was just giving her a ride home and making a quick stop on the way there.

The problem was: Rue would not stay in the fucking car.

"Come onnnn, Fez," she whined. "How're we supposed to evolve as a society if there aren't any female drug dealers? You know, equality-wise. Plus I'm good friends with Brucey, we go way back. The part where he took my clothes off and shoved me into a freezing cold shower? Totally brought us together as—"

"We don't got time for this shit." Ashtray said, looking at the clock on his phone. "Missin' our window."

"Rue, 'm dead fuckin' serious—" Fez shook his head, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles. She kept going:

"—and you know what? It'd be real fucking sexist if you didn't let me go up there with you guys. Real fucking sexist, Fez."

He took in their surroundings. People were sitting on porches, poking out of apartment windows. Ash was right. They were taking too long, looking suspicious as fuck. "I'm not fuckin' playin' witchu—"

She got out.

"Fuck!"

"Let's just go," Ash said. He loaded his gun. "Before she gets herself killed."

Fez popped the trunk. When he got out of the car, Rue was leaning against the back tire, wearing a shit-eating grin.

"I could fuckin' kill you right now," he said through gritted teeth. 

"Nah," she said, punching him on the shoulder. Ashtray pulled the suitcase out from the back and set it down between them. "You'd miss me too much."

Shaking his head, Fez ignored her attempt to lighten the mood. "Keep your fuckin' head down, Rue. Let me 'n Ash do the talkin'. This shit got nothin' to do with you."

"Okay, damn," she said, rolling her eyes. "You really know how to suck the fun out of a situation."

Fez grabbed the case and didn't give that dumbass comment a response. Walking up the staircase to Laurie's apartment, Ashtray took the lead with Rue trailing behind them. She was fucking whistling. It took everything within him not to bitch her out right then.

Ash did the secret knock. One-two-two-one-one. After counting to five, the door opened. 

Mitch stood there eating an apple, chomping loudly. "Yo."

"Sup, man," Fez said, giving a small nod.

Drops happened at the beginning of every month. It was pretty simple: Do the secret knock, give Laurie her cut and get some more product from the padlocked closet. Her groupies were always there. B.J., Mitch and Bruce. They were alright. Not too hostile, now that Ash and Fez were somewhat trusted business partners. They counted their money in the kitchen, cleaned their guns and basically did whatever Laurie told them to do. At least they weren't power-tripping assholes like Mouse.

Custer usually came to these things too. For whatever reason, he couldn't come tonight and gave some long reason on why that was. Fezco tuned him out after the third or so time he mentioned Faye. "Custer. Custer. I truly do not give a fuck," Fez had said. This whole business arrangement only managed to give him a headache.

This time, though, B.J. and Bruce were nowhere to be found. Mitch disappeared into the back room as soon as he let them in. Laurie leaned against the oak cabinet, blowing into an "I ♥ Science" mug.

"Tea, anyone?" she asked, pointing at a box on the counter. "It's Oolong." 

"Nah, we good," he said, walking slowly to put the case on the table. Fez didn't know what the fuck that was, but he knew he didn't want any. Get in, get out—that was his rule. No need to gossip over coffee or some shit.

As he unzipped the bag, Rue decided this would be a good time to speak up. "Yeah, don't wanna take oolong, if you know what I'm sayi—ow, fuck, Ash!"

You have got to be fucking kidding me, thought Fez. Back in the car, when Ashtray said to go after Rue "before she got herself killed," now he seemed to be seriously considering it. Rue rubbed at her arm but thankfully stayed quiet after that.

Laurie put her cup down and joined Fez.

It was like she floated from one spot to another, so different from dealers he'd dealt with in the past. Maybe it had to do with her school teacher background or the fact that she was a woman in a man's business, but Fez had a strong suspicion that Laurie wasn't someone he wanted to mess with. She stood in front of the suitcase and peered inside.

"How'd we do, boys?"

Fezco put two hands on the wood surface, nodding over at Ashtray. His brother moved forward and slapped a stack of bills down in front of her.

"It's all there," Fez said.

Laurie picked up a leftover pill bottle, shaking it so the xannies rattled.

"Slow month?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.

"It's all there," he repeated, breaking eye contact to look at the cash. "We paid the difference.''

"Hard to make a profit that way," Laurie commented, tossing the pills. She picked up her money and flicked through it.

That's my business, Fezco thought. He could tell Ash was thinking the same thing.

When neither of them said a word, Laurie moved away from the dining area and back to her tea.

"Brucey," she called out, taking a gulp.

She didn't even talk that loud, but Bruce showed up like he was on goddamn speed dial. He was wearing a stained wifebeater and heart patterned boxers. Were they a thing? Ash bet him $50 that she was fucking them all. Hopefully not Bruce and B.J. at the same time, because Fez was pretty sure that's incest.

"Laurie, Laurie, Laurieee," Bruce sang, dancing into the kitchen with a lit cigarette in his mouth. He shoulder checked Ashtray and joined her over by the fridge. If looks could kill, Ash just killed another man.

Laurie didn't crack a smile or show any emotion at all, pointing to the suitcase. "These boys need a refill."

Dropping a key on the counter, she left the room.

They were driving through the city, a suitcase full of drugs and the car filled with obvious tension. Rue didn't pick up on that, though.

"—and what's with her 'these boys' bullshit? I was right fucking there," she said from the back seat. "Yeah, yeah, gender identity is a spectrum—just ask Jules—but you expect me to believe Umbridge gives a fuck about that? Psh." 

"Gender identity? Umbridge?" Ashtray had two fingers on his temple, like he was chasing off a headache. "The fuck're you talkin' about, Rue?"

"Umbridge. You know, from Harry Potter. Ever heard of it?" There was a pause. Rue leaned across the armrest, butting between Fez and Ash's seats. "Wait, Ash. Be honest with me. Can you read?"

"Bitch, I'll—"

Ash and Rue fought like brother and sister, but Fez wasn't gonna let her call him dumb. He shut that shit down. 

"C'mon, man. 'Course he can fuckin' read," Fez said, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "Ash goes to school just like you. Don't be a dick."

In the mirror, she at least looked a little sorry. They sat in silence for two stoplights. It was nice. Peaceful, almost.

"Yo, why didn't you guys tell me you had leftovers? I'd Hungry Hungry Hippo that shit."

What? Fez shook his head. "Stop sayin' shit you know we don't understand." Ash grunted in agreement. "We ain't sellin' to you no more. Quit askin', Rue, for real."

"Well, I didn't say anything about selling..."

He rolled his eyes and didn't respond, turning up the music to cover whatever dumbass thing came out of her mouth next.

Fez wasn't a Drake fan by any means, not that he really gave a shit right now. He just wanted to get home, see his girl, and go the fuck to sleep. Fezco let the song play: I don't wanna change 'cause I'm good where I'm at. Mob ties, so I'm always good where I'm at. Word to Junior, Jazzy, Baby J. Tell 'em when I die, put my money in the grave.

It pissed him off that Laurie brought up their business like that. Really, he should've emptied the bag before the drop. They weren't usually that careless. Not many people could sell $30K worth of product that quickly. But with regulars, randos from the store and East Highland's many high school parties—normally they could.

He didn't like to bring Lexi anywhere near this shit, but if Fez talked it out with her, she would probably give him a bunch of logical reasons for the slow month: "Remember, Rue made up about 1/4 of your sales" or "These things fluctuate, babe." Even just imagining that conversation, he was starting to feel better.

Plus, the end of school party was this Friday. A bunch of school kids strung out from finals, seniors reliving their glory days one snorted OC at a time—him and Ash would move a lot of product then, no doubt.

"You know what would make us, like, a shit ton of money?" Rue asked, beating on Ashtray's headrest like a damn drumroll. Then, Fez could see her pointing a finger at him from the corner of his eye. "If we sold to people in NA! Those fuckers are dyin' for some blow."

Was he hearing that right? "You wanna sell drugs to a buncha recoverin' addicts?"

"Uh, yeah," Rue said slowly.

Fez fucking hated it when people talked to him like he was stupid. Turning at a STOP sign, he considered slamming down on the breaks. No chance she was wearing a seatbelt back there.

"It's genius! We get 'em hooked. They'll be like, 'Wow, thank you, Rue, I forgot how good drugs are,' and I'll be like, 'You're welcome, give me all your money, my boy Fez needs to pay his mortgage.'"

"We?" Fez chuckled, even though it wasn't that funny. Not funny at all. "Ain't no 'we.' This shit's between me 'n Ash, and me n' Ash only. Understand?"

"But—"

"Ion wanna hear it. Yo ass wasn't even s'posed to be there t'night." A pause. "Now get the fuck out."

Fezco put the Caddy in park and unlocked the backseat.

They were a few houses down from Rue's. He didn't want Leslie asking any questions, jotting down his license plate number like the concerned mother she had every right to be.

Uncrossing her arms, Rue slammed the door behind her.

As suburbia passed by and Fez pulled into a back alley, Ash asked his brother a question. 

"Wanna watch The Walkin' Dead tonight?" He could barely keep the excitement out of his voice. The boy coughed, realizing this, and grasped the gun in his lap like a lifeline. "We got three episodes left."

Ashtray was obsessed with anything blood, gore and supernatural. They were on season eight, both absolutely loving that charming psycho Negan. When the show came back in October, Ash wanted to be all caught up. Plus, it was fun to hang out and make fun of the stupid, thoughtless zombies.

Fezco looked at the the clock on the dash. It was a lot later than he'd planned. Shit.

"Nah, man," he said, shaking his head. "Sorry, Lexi's comin' over."

Lexi and Fez made plans to hang out today, texting back and forth while she was at school. Time went a lot quicker than he expected, that's all. With the store closing early, Rue showing up just before they locked the door, their meeting with Laurie and everything that followed after that, it turned out to be way past midnight. 1:12 AM, to be exact.

For the rest of the car ride, Fezco was practicing the apology in his head.

Hey, baby. Have a good day at school? Ace that math test? Yeah, knew you would. Sorry I'm home so late. Where was I? Ah, just business as usual. You know how it is. We good?

Soon, they were back home. Fez peeled into the lot, jumping a curb or two. The suitcase rattled in the trunk.

"Yo, you gonna help me with that?" 

Ash was silent—he hadn't talked for the rest of the drive, really. A man of few words. Actions tended to speak louder.

Bang!

Add a bit more force and he would've shattered the window.

Damn, Fez thought, lighting a cigarette. Why's everyone slammin' the fuckin' door?

complicated, got you frustrated / every single night i keep you waitin’ / you say you don’t care, that’s what you sayin’? / we both know that’s some bullshit

June 6th, 2019 - 1:40 AM

After his short smoke session, Fezco grabbed the suitcase and headed inside. The house was dark. With only the single hallway light on, he made his way in that direction.

Ash's door was shut. He probably slammed that one too. Also, Grandma would need her nightly medication soon. She wasn't gonna croak because he waited another hour on the muscle relaxers, so Fez decided to head into his bedroom and check on Lexi.

Their bed was her makeshift desk. Surrounded by a sea of books, paper and multi-colored pens, she looked up as he entered the room and quickly went back to studying. No "hi" or "hello." 

Lexi had on a matching shiny pink pajama set, buttoned all the way up to the collar. Her hair was in a messy twist at the top of her head. Usually, she had fancy as fuck braids or long brown curls to twirl around his scarred fingers. Not the case.

Shit, pretty girl must be stressed.

"Hey, baby," Fez said, walking over to the tall dresser, back turned. "How's your day been?"

He took the gun out of his waistband and set it down. Wallet, keys, lighter, cigs. The jeans came off next, leaving him in white boxer shorts and that green sweater from New Year's. Talk about déjà vu. 

"Good," Lexi answered, continuing to type on her laptop. Distracted or upset? Fez wasn't exactly sure.

Making his way back to the bed, he took a seat. Some of the paper crinkled. An annoyed look crossed Lexi's face before she could hide it. Yup, definitely upset.

Fez was either a true dumbass or wanted to get slapped, so he reached to play with a piece of her hair. "Lookin' real pretty, Lex."

"Thanks."

What was with these one word answers? It wasn't like her at all. This the same Lexi who gave out a full twenty minute lecture on King Henry the Eighth and his bajillion wives? (Some chick named Anne died. It was a whole thing. That's all he could remember.) Nah, something ain't right.

Part of him wanted to see how far he could go before she actually did slap him. Not like she could go on not talking to him forever. Dropping the curl, Fezco leaned forward and kissed her neck.

Lexi pulled a way, making an angry sound. "I'm studying, Fez. It's finals week."

"Nah, you right." Fez nodded. He was acting like a tool, rubbing up on her when she needed to focus. "That shit's important. I just missed you is all."

She wouldn't turn away from the computer screen. Maybe he was getting too used to her saying nice stuff, because he expected her to say the same thing back. Instead, he got clicks on a keyboard and the cold shoulder.

When Lexi didn't respond, he asked, "You mad at me or somethin'?"

"No."

"You sure 'bout that?"

"Yes," Lexi said. She sighed and closed the laptop, rubbing her tired eyes. "It's just...You said you'd be back by midnight."

"Yeah, we got held up at Laurie's. Plus I hadta take Rue's ass home. " Fezco gave a dry laugh. "Y'know how she likes to talk. Never thought we'd make it back."

She crossed her arms and nodded, still not looking at him. Fez ran a frustrated hand over his shaved head.

"You know I gotta do this shit, Lexi."

Lexi got up from the bed and started to pack her things. "I know." 

"Where you goin'?" he asked.

"Home."

Thought this was your home, Fez wanted to say. Wasn't that what she mumbled the other night, in this same bed?

He stood too and started to help—picking up a stray eraser here, a neon yellow highlighter there. Piles of homework. There were a stack of papers at the foot of the bed. Fez moved to grab them, only for Lexi to scoop them up before he got the chance—almost like she didn't want him to see.

When Lexi headed for the door, Fez grabbed her hand.

"Least lemme drive you," he said.

She opened her mouth but chose not to argue. He took that as a win.

only got a little time and i ain't tryna spend it / arguing' about who ain't givin' who attention

July 14th, 2009-June 6th, 2019

It wasn't often that Marie's business partner took a break from crowbars and drug-filled tighty whities, but even kid dealers needed a break every now and again. So, while his grandma was out getting her long fucking nails done, Fez and Ash sat down on the ratty floral couch to channel surf. 

Superman Returns was playing. Fezco moved to change the station, not overly impressed, when he noticed how Ashtray's eyes were glued to the screen. He was about two or three at the time. Without a birth certificate or his coked out mommy to vouch for him, there was really no way to know. But at nine years old, Fez knew what it meant to be family.

Two things were for sure: Ashtray was his brother, and his brother loved Superman Returns. Every chance they got to watch TV, Ash would ask to see that same dude in tights and his bald-headed arch nemesis.

"Supaman, Fez," he would say. "Watch Supaman."

Of course, it wasn't always on TBS, so Fezco eventually went down to the local Blockbuster and rented a copy of his own. Of course, there was no renting involved. Fez took the DVD for good, and when the movie store closed down a few years later, he only felt partly guilty.

Ashtray's obsession became clear one random Tuesday night, when he tied a blanket around his neck and jumped from the top of the kitchen table.

How the hell did Ash even get up there? Fez had no idea, but he didn't exactly have time to voice that thought out loud—Ashtray was screaming bloody murder, his arm twisted in the wrong direction. Fez ran to grab his grandma, choking over the words "Ash" "hurt" and "hospital."

Cigarette still in her mouth, Marie picked up the crying toddler and inspected the injury. Thankfully, it was just a sprain.

"This fuckin' kid," Marie said, sitting down at the table. Ash was whimpering in her arms, either from the injury or the frozen peas Fez held to his shoulder. Probably both. "Gotta keep an eye on 'm, snowflake. He's a wild one."

Ash never asked to watch Superman again. The DVD collected dust. Fez let it happen without complaint, sick of watching the same movie over and over again. Time passed by the O'Neill household, relentless and unavoidable. A crowbar came down and brought months of darkness. Marie had her stroke. Fez looked after Ash, and Ash looked out for Fez in return.

But where exactly did he go...the happy, careless boy who thought he could fly?

He became more brash, quick to judge and trusted almost no one. Ready to beat down on someone over a bad vibe or comment. A general dislike for most people outside of Fez and sometimes Rue. It took a long time for Ash to warm up to their self-proclaimed sister. A few years. And still, they fought more often than not. Fez couldn't remember a time where they took a break from that and showed some honest affection. 

Even though Ashtray went to school, it's not like he brought any friends home. How could he? Some East Highland middle schooler would take one look at Fez's scar and run away screaming. With their luck, the kid would accidentally get shot or something and they'd have another Mouse situation on their hands.

It was hard to make friendships when you're essentially an adult in a child's body. Fez knew from experience. At recess, when the other students were playing on the monkey bars and jumping off the swings, all Fezco could see was the parents of the kids he'd sold to—how they would come to the store begging for their next fix, regardless of their children at home. Fuck, sometimes they even brought them with. It was always awkward to see a fellow classmate and watch their eyes get big as he started talking numbers.

Eventually, as Fez grew older and the business got bigger, he stopped going to school altogether. In a few years, Ashtray would be the same age. He tried not to think about that. 

So, Fez knew it wasn't easy. Imagine a world that was based solely around your idiot older brother. How fucking lonely would that be? And then, after watching Fez flirt horribly and awkwardly for months, that brother went and got a girlfriend. Lexi, who Ashtray tolerated at best.

Fezco was partly to blame. Sue him, he liked to have Lexi to himself. They watched documentaries on the couch and retreated to Fez's room when the mood struck. Thankfully, Ash and Fez didn't share a wall—or else that toleration would turn to pure hate real quick.

Speaking of hate... This perfectly described the look Ash currently had on his face, clutching a PlayStation controller and cursing at the TV. He was playing Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 at 1 PM on a Thursday afternoon.

Fez just woke up, still in his pajamas. He took a seat. "Yo, ain't you s'posed to be in school?"

"Nah, man. Fuck!" Someone was shooting at him from another tower. Ratatatatatata! went the machine gun. Ash kept diving in and out of cover, unloading bullets on the other guy. "Long as this fucker's still alive, I'ma stay right here."

"But..." Fez shook his head. The constant moving of the camera was making him dizzy. "Ain't this your last week? Thought it was important 'n shit."

"Shit! Shit. Ah, yesss." Ash smiled in victory. His opponent was finally dead. "Quit stressin'. What're they gonna do, hold me back?"

"Uh, yeah, bro. They might."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Ashtray ignored his brother. He continued to check player stats, knife a few guys and yell at the flat screen. Eventually, Fez had enough.

Fezco stood up, blocking the screen.

"Hey! What the fuck?" Ash looked even angrier than before, turning to the side in an effort to see around Fez. "Move. You fuckin' up my score."

"Lexi said—"

"Oh, Lexi said?" Ashtray rolled his eyes, annoyed at the simple mention of her name. "The fuck's Lexi got to do with anything?"

The PS4 controller was taking a real beating. Angry key mashing, a joystick nearly taken out of its socket. They would probably have to buy another one, at this rate—and so soon after the Grand Theft Auto incident of '17.

"Aye, watch it," Fez said, continuing on despite the interruption, "Finals are fuckin' important, Lexi said so. You gotta take that shit seriously, else you'll be takin' sixth grade over again."

Fez thought he heard Ash say "seventh" under his breath, but maybe he imagined it. His brother kept playing CoD. It was really starting to piss Fez off, so he walked up to the TV and unplugged the cord.

"Let's go, I'll take ya." When Ash yelled every curse word under the sun, Fezco kept going with crossed arms. "Make it to the last few classes and come right back here. Play CoD all night long, ion really give a fuck. Just get your ass up."

"Why?" Ash asked, visibly buzzing with irritation. He clutched at the couch fabric. "So you can go see your girlfriend?"

What the hell? "Yo, the fuck Lexi ever do to you?"

The boy looked away, shaking his head. "Always fuckin' here. Never even asked me—just like that bitch, Faye. Her shit's everywhere—"

"Faye and Lexi ain't the same," Fez interrupted, because the thought was ridiculous. How could Ash even compare the two? "'n you fuckin' know it."

"—usin' my PS4 for goddamn Sims. Eatin' our food, cloggin' the drain with fuckin' hair. Takin' up all your time, don't wanna hang no more—"

"Woah, woah, woah. This about The Walkin' Dead? " He held up two hands, finally stopping Ashtray's rant. "I said I'd watch it another time, man."

Clearly that was the wrong thing to say, because Ash sent one last angry look at Fez and stomped off through the front door.

They didn't leave things well.

and i use every bone in my body / keep on holdin' on to your trust / i know you don't want nuttin' to do with me / but just one more time, let's make love

June 6th, 2019 - 1:50 PM

Maybe if Fez was a smarter man, he would've known something was up. But in the car last night, Fezco specifically asked, "We good?" and she said "Yeah, Fez, we're good." So excuse him for thinking they were, in fact, good.

Following his fight with Ash, he reached out to Lexi for some comfort.

fez

mornin baby

Lexi

It's almost 2. Did you just wake up?

Shit, he forgot it wasn't exactly morning anymore. He quickly covered up his tracks.

fez

nah been up a while

had a fight w ash tho

Lexi

Oh really? I'm sorry

Why isn't he in class?

At least someone cared about Ash's schooling. His brother certainly didn't. And why did she always apologize for shit that wasn't her fault? No matter how many times he pointed it out and said otherwise, she hung onto "sorry" like a reflex.

fez

dont gotta be sry lex

ya thats y we fought

he didnt wanna go

Lexi

Oh I see

fez

kid dont listen

hows school goin for u tho

Usually he got a long-winded answer to that question, as Lexi talked about Rue, her teachers or the crappy food in the cafeteria. She sent whole paragraphs about something cool she learned in history class—crazy stuff from World War II, a dude called Franz and how his dying made Europe go apeshit. It felt like Fez was right there beside her.

This time? Not so much.

Lexi

Good

fez

thats wassup

u comin over tonite?

After their canceled plans the night before, he wanted to make it up to her. Ash could handle a night at the store alone, especially with the way he was acting earlier. Fez imagined a night on the couch, smoking a blunt with Lexi's feet in his lap. Girls liked foot massages, right?

Lexi

Fez I need to study

fez

do tht shit here

aint stopped u b4

And it hadn't. If she wasn't using his bed as a desk, Lexi set up shop at the kitchen table. He would roll joints next to her math homework. When she got stuck on a problem, he could help better than any calculator could.

Lexi

Idk...

There was certainly another way they could spend their time.

fez

let me study u baby

ill take lotsa notes

*

Yeah, Lexi never responded to his texts.

it's complicated, keepin' me up late / can't concentrate, you're always on my brain / if it's love, then why fuck it come with pain?

February 13th-June 6th, 2019

There were few people in his life that Fez could fully joke with. Rue liked to fuck around. It brought back memories to that day outside of East Highland Certified Dairy, Rue fresh out of rehab and talking about her "Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." Ash, too, with his weird as fuck movie picks and dark sense of humor. Lexi, who would normally react to a sexually charged text with a "Fezzzzz" or "Stop it right now, I mean it." Never with nothing. Ignoring him just wasn't her style.

Fez knew he was being dramatic. It had been, like, six hours. Lexi needed to study. If Ash actually talked to him, he would straight up tell Fez: Chill out. Stop rereading text messages like a little girl and give Grandma her sponge bath. She fuckin' stinks.

But Ash wasn't talking to him, so he sat by Marie's bedside and waited for his phone to buzz. When it didn't, he got to thinking. What was it his grandma always said?

"Let me tell you somethin', Snowflake," she'd explain, in between hotel vent drops and crackers with bowl cuts. "There's a short supply of kindness in this world. People sniff it out and swoop right the fuck in."

Even since they met, Lexi showed him nothing but kindness. Healthy morning breakfasts, tending to bloody wounds and soft fingers running through his hair—so gentle when touching the scar. The way she always listened to what Fez had to say, never rushing him when he had trouble getting the words out. How Lexi genuinely cared about his brother's education, despite Ash not giving a shit about that. So incredibly giving to others without asking for anything in return. Rue, Cassie, her parents, him—they would all seriously miss it if she took that kindness someplace else.

Before Fez officially asked Lexi to be his girl, she came by the store with hands stuffed deep in her jacket pockets. Nervous but determined—a common look on her face these days.

Fez was busy restocking the shelves. Lexi snuck up from behind, tapping him on the shoulder. 

"Fez," she said, smiling wide.

He pretended to be surprised. "Lexi Howard!"

(Of course Fez knew when she came in. There were security mirrors all throughout the place. No cameras, though. That shit was bad for business.)

"Hi." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, leaning against an array of toothbrushes and floss. "I, um...have something for you?"

"For real?" Now he was surprised. "Shit, it ain't my birthday."

"No, you're right. Wait, do I know when your birthday is?" Lexi asked, her cheeks quickly turning red. "Nevermind, forget I said that."

"You good." He chuckled, adding another row of ibuprofen to the rack—next to the pregnancy tests, tampons and a bunch of other lady shit. "It's in January, after New Year's."

"Oh, nice." There was a small pause, then she reached in her pocket. "Well, here ya go!"

Lexi shoved a rectangular box at him. He fumbled with the gift, barely recovering.

"What's this?" Fezco asked.

"Open it and you'll find out," Lexi said, getting some of that fire back.

So he did, unlatching the black case to reveal a singular chain. So similar to the necklace he always wore around his neck, given to him by his grandma almost ten years ago—only this one was silver, not gold.

"Damn, Lexi, this is—"

"—a lot, I know, but I found it in my dad's stuff the other day and I always see you wearing yours, so I thought you might like another." She shrugged, wringing her hands together. "I don't know much about jewelry, though. You could probably make some good money. Better you than him, anyway. He's always taking stuff from our—"

"Hey, hey," he interrupted, voice going soft against his will. "Lexi. I ain't sellin' your dad's stuff, c'mon now."

"Okay... So you like it?"

"'Course I do," Fez answered, slowly closing the latch and holding it back out to her. "But I can't take this."

He did know much about Mr. Howard, but clearly there was a story there. It felt wrong to take something so personal from a man Fez had never met.

"Why not?" Lexi protested, continuing to convince him otherwise. She pushed the box away. "So you don't wanna pawn it—he will! Won't even miss the fucking thing. Trust me."'

"Alright, alright," he said, making sure to catch her eyes. How could Fez properly explain what this meant? "Thanks, Lex. Best gift I ever had, for real."

Fezco wasn't used to people coming to him for purely selfless reasons. Everyone was playing an angle. Addicts needed their fix for the cheapest amount of money possible. For those who couldn't pay up, they offered anything they could. Food, clothes—and yes, sometimes jewelry. Even sex. If he were a shittier person, Fez could take full advantage of the situation. Other dealers definitely did.

Rue was an addict, through and through. She didn't come to him for drugs anymore. Not since that day—screaming from one side of the door, silence from the other. After they made up, his sister just wanted someone to listen.

Ash needed a brother to look out for him. Ever since he showed up at Fez and Marie's doorstep, Ashtray required the bare necessities—formula, pacifiers, you name it—but there was clearly so much more to raising a baby than just diapers. Still a kid himself, Fezco made sure the boy was taken care of. It wouldn't win him any awards, but hey, that was life.

With his suppliers, they wanted money too. In addition to that: Power, greed and a way to move up on the food chain. It usually meant stepping on guys like Fez to do that.

But Lexi? He couldn't figure her out. She didn't seem all that interested in drugs or booze. (Close relationships with addicts tended to have an affect on people.) Money never came up either. Despite the fact that Lexi was way out of his league, she texted him all day long and just gave him an incredibly personal gift. Clearly the signs were pointing towards interest. 

He quickly put on the chain and watched as Lexi's face lit up. In that moment, Fez vowed to ask her out. (When the time was right, of course.)

It was the easiest decision he ever made.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Life was full of them.

Did he wait by his grandma's beside, willing the phone to ring? Or should Fez get in his car, drive to Lexi's house and actually do something about it?

He chose the second option.

i can't keep on / losing' you over complications / gone too soon, wait! / we was just hangin'

June 6th, 2019 - 8:40 PM

A little later, in the Cadillac:

"Didn't hear from you. Ignorin' my texts and shit."

"I said we were okay, though."

"I know, but..." he trailed off, scratching at his beard. "Is somethin' else goin' on?"

"No, Fez." Lexi sighed and moved to get out. "Just tired. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Wait! he wanted to say. Let's talk about this!

"Sure, Lex," Fez agreed, instead. "Have a goodnight."

I love you.

Chapter Text

i know you stressin', you don't gotta keep me guessing / i'm full of questions, in return I get the silent treatment

June 7th, 2019 - 11:45 PM

Fezco grew up in a strip joint. 

After his ma left, Paulie didn't want to shell out the few hundred bucks it took to get a real babysitter. Hardly father of the fucking year. So, every day after school, Fez would walk down to Blue Night Gentlemen's Club and hang out in the ladies changing room. Not because he was a perve, but to get help with his homework. In between lap dances and full frontal stage work, they would read him Charlotte's Web.

It wasn't always as simple as that. There was a dark side to the business. Some girls did a lot more than just dance. A few creepy motherfuckers couldn't take no for an answer. Eventually Marie came the club, wanting to see her grandson. She took one look at Fezco's black eye and told him to wait in the car. Those study sessions quickly turned into a thing of the past. Charlotte's Web was exchanged bags of coke in his drawers. Blue Night's apparently a Dairy Queen now, and Fez never saw Paulie again.

Those years at Blue Night taught Fez a lot about the world—how to properly read people, to tell what they were feeling and why. He learned some of that from his grandma, no doubt, but the dancers showed him first. It was hard to hide your emotions when you had no clothes on.

Maybe that was why Lexi had him so confused. They were barely speaking, let alone having sex. But he wasn't the only one she getting the silent treatment.

"Yo, what's up with Lexi?" Rue asked, red Solo cup in hand.

Friday had finally come—the end of school year party. Fezco was getting a Bud Light from the fridge. X 'Gon Give It to Ya played in the background. He didn't even know whose house this was, only that they were willing to host a hundred or so raving teenagers. The perfect night as any to move product and drink free booze.

"Watchu mean?" he asked, popping the cap off his bottle.

Rue gestured to the party with her drink. "Just talked to Lex. She looked all sad and shit, like you killed her cat or something. You guys in a fight?"

Fez took a swig, not saying anything. Rue continued on anyway.

"'Cause if I haveta choose—sorry, man, I gotta go with Lexi. We go way back."

Since preschool, I know. Fez looked beyond the kitchen, out past the rest of the party. A bunch of teens were grinding on each other. Someone decided to go with a neon theme, handing out glow sticks at the door. Fez put one in his pocket to give to Lexi.

"You talked to her?" he asked Rue, who nodded. "Where she even at?"

Fezco showed up about an hour ago. Ash fucked off soon after that. Lexi was nowhere to be found, like she was avoiding him or some shit. His texts went unanswered—go figure. If it weren't for the stack of bills in his pocket, Fez would be having a pretty shitty time right now.

"Over by the bar. Cassie's wasted, as always. Lexi'd usually be all over that, but not this time. Girl's in her feels, man." Rue threw the cup in the trash, pulling out a half-smoked blunt and relighting it. "So, like...what'd you do? I'm only partly judging."

"Didn't do shit," Fez said, gulping down shitty beer. "She say somethin' to you?"

"Nah, too busy on her phone." Rue took one last drag and held it out for Fez to take.

Seeing Rue share drugs was...odd. She only did that when she felt bad. Hardly an OC hidden in her Converse, but he wasn't gonna complain. Fez downed his drink and took the gift between two fingers.

Rue went on, "'Cause if she writes one more play about me...I'm gonna get the wrong idea, Fez. Might have some competition on your hands."

"She ain't writin' no play about you." Fezco leaned against the counter, exhaling smoke in between words.

Yeah, Jade looked a lot like Rue. From the teen boy wardrobe to her substance abuse issues, the resemblance was uncanny. Rue never showed up to opening night, because of course she didn't, but news of the play spread fast. Cassie almost scalped Lexi for exposing her affair with Nate Jacobs. Wild stuff. Surprisingly unbothered by it all, Rue had other shit to worry about. Jewel fully believed she was sober and Leslie found a bottle of pills under Rue's bed. Somehow, Rue talked her way out of rehab, Lexi and Cassie were fine now, and the only person in the doghouse was Fez.

"Whatever, Seb." Rue had on a shit-eating grin, and he considered throwing the blunt back in her face. "Lexi's got your panties in a twist, huh?"

"She don't got—"

"Have you thought about my business proposal at all?"

It was so like Rue to get him thinking about Lexi and then go in for the kill. The business proposal from two nights ago. He'd been thinking about that night a lot. Meeting with Laurie, the car ride after, Fez somehow pissing off every important person in his life.

Except grandma, but she don't count, he thought.

Rue had stomped off after slamming the door. Either she forgot that detail or chose to ignore it, because Rue seemed fine with him now.

Yeah, "now" was the important word in that sentence.

"I ain't talkin' 'bout this witchu," Fez said, passing the blunt back. Rue sharing her weed made a lot more sense all of the sudden. She did that when she felt bad, sure, but also when she wanted something.

"So you'll talk about it later?" Rue asked, gesturing wildly. 

He shook his head. "Not here, not ever."

"But—"

"Donchu gotta anniversary comin' up, anyway? Worry 'bout that."

There was only one anniversary that he could be talking about. At the beginning of the summer, one year later. It wasn't fair for Fez to bring that shit up. Not when he was the one selling to her at the time. He may have stopped since then, but the guilt? Still there.

Silence.

Rue stubbed out what was left. Turning her back to him, she picked up a bottle of vodka, some kinda mixer and filled the cup to the rim.

"Cheers, Fez," Rue toasted, taking a big drink. 

Stupidly, he hoped it would be the end of that conversation.

Fezco was wrong.

okay now, baby, don't leave my side, don't even try / i'ma go crazy, girl, you save me, meditate me, give me peace of mind

February 20th, 2019 - 4:10 PM

Couches were kind of their thing.

New Year's began by sitting down and talking about the Christians stealing Christmas. It ended with a phone number, Nate Jacob's motionless body and a hope that Lexi wouldn't be completely scared off by him. 

And the crazy part? Lexi kept coming back—to warn him about Cal, give Fez her dad's silver chain or just keep each other company at the store.

One day in February, after she got done with school, Fez invited her back to his place for the first time. 

He was a ball of nerves, pacing in front of the dining table. Ash added up the day's cash.

"Actin' real pussy-whipped, bro," Ashtray said, followed by the whirring sound of bills being counted.

"Man, I ain't playin'," Fezco muttered, shaking his head. "You gotta get up outta here right now 'fore Lexi comes through. For real, Ion wantchu sayin' some dumb shit to her when she don't deserve it."

There was a knock on the door. He quickly let her in, Fez and Lexi settled in the living room, and Ash took the cash and disappeared to the back. His brother could be a real asshole, but at least he gave them privacy.

In movies and shit, a date involved usually going somewhere—opening the car door, pulling out her chair, the guy paying. Was this a date or just hanging out? Fezco didn't know.

It took a while for them to get comfortable together. They went on about two or three "dates" before Stand By Me was even brought up.

The rain wouldn't stop, so he picked Lexi up at her house. She had on coveralls and a green top, something that he might have dressed Ashtray in as a kid. Real fucking adorable.

Lexi was talking about her play, and Fezco couldn't resist bringing up Playboy. 

"Well, you know what you should put in the play..." Joint in one hand and gesturing with the other, he started to smile. "That time I beat Nate's ass at that party."

"Noo! Oh, god." Lexi laughed along with him, even though she sounded a bit horrified. "I don't know, Cassie isn't doing too well. I'm worried that she's gonna see the play, and then she's gonna...freak out."

"Yeah, I mean—" Fez shrugged. "Everyone gets they feelings hurt. You know?"

"Yeah," she agreed, nodding.

He continued, chuckling a little, "Some people—some people need to get their feelings hurt sometimes."

Smoke flowed through his fingers, wasting perfectly good weed.

"Yeah. I—" Lexi nodded. With a pained look, she explained with her hands. "It's, like, the first time in my life I'm doing something for myself."

"Shit." To be honest, Fez couldn't remember a time where he did the same. He started taking care of his grandma and Ash at twelve years old. But this wasn't about him. "What exactly is...the idea behind the play?"

Lexi had been talking about her school production for the last month, but Fezco realized he didn't truly know what it was about. Maybe he was a bad listener. How can someone be a bad at listening and talking? That kinda took up all of his options. 

"Ion know, it's..." Lexi started, fiddling with her sock. He always found it cute as hell when she took a few words out of his book. "It's, like, about a group of girlfriends who sort of...grow up and grow apart?"

"Damn, so it's kinda like, uh, Stand By Me vibes."

"Yes, exactly!" She did a little karate chop motion with her hand. Girl was excited. "I love that movie. That's exactly it."

"Hell yeah." Fezco thought back to his childhood, rainy days like this spent watching movies with Ash. "Come on now. I've watched that film, like, fifty times."

"Have you really?" Lexi asked, smiling. Her voice had gotten really high. 

"That's my shit, come on." He reached down to tap the ash out of his joint. "In fact, my-my grandma has it on DVD, you know?"

Lexi looked around the room, like someone was listening in on them. Then she whispered, "Should we watch it?"

And what Lexi wanted, Lexi got. After offering her a blanket, Fez popped in the movie and settled back onto the sofa. He would definitely need to be high for this. Forget Romeo and Juliet, this shit was a goddamn tragedy.

Fezco always saw himself to Chris. Born into an unconventional family, expected to be one thing and nothing else. And if Fezco was Chris, then Lexi had to be Gordie. The writer, living in the shadow of their older sibling.

Was it wrong to compare Fez and Lexi to two kid boys? If these dates weren't really dates, then probably not. Friendship could be just as important. Still, Fez wished for more.

He could never understand why the group was so obsessed with finding Ray Brower. Fezco saw his first body long before his tenth birthday. And most recently...Mouse. It never got easier.

Lexi liked to talk during films. He learned that real quick. As Vern, Teddy, Gordie, and Chris were making plans in their secret hideaway, Lexi spoke about her childhood.

"Growing up, Cassie and I really wanted a treehouse. My dad bought the wood from Home Depot. He got started...but never finished it. Now we have a bunch of unused oak in our basement." She shook her head. "Sorry, I dunno why I said all that."

"Nah, you good." Fez blew smoke out through the corner of his mouth, making sure to keep it away from Lexi. "Treehouses are fuckin' dope. If we didn't live in a complex, I'da asked my grandma for one too."

Lexi giggled. They went back to watching. A few scenes later, it was time for the most action-packed scene.

As the onscreen boys crossed the train tracks, with a hundred-foot drop and steam engine heading their way, Lexi clutched two knees to her chest. She clearly wanted to cover both eyes. Determined, they stayed fixed on the TV.

"Run! Run, man! Move your ass, man!"

"FASTER!!! MOVE IT!!!"

"Run! Run! Run!"

"Run, god damn it, run!"

Clearly Vern and Gordie wouldn't be able to beat the train, so Gordie pushed them out of the way. Chris and Teddy rushed to make sure their friends were alright.

Fez and Lexi sighed in relief.

"Seen this movie a million times," Fez said, gesturing to the screen with his joint. "Still makes me fuckin' nervous."

"I know, right?" Lexi agreed. "I couldn't outrun a train."

"Damn, me neither." Fez shook his head, chuckling. "These pants baggy as shit. I'ma lose my drawers, trip 'n go right ova the edge."

"That's terrible! Oh, the mental picture." Lexi was laughing now, too. 

Fezco couldn't resist. "Picturin' me naked, Howard?" he asked.

"No! No, I'm not." She turned bright red, refusing to look at him. "Let's...um, let's focus on the movie."

"Alright, alright," he said, exhaling smoke with a smile. 

The rest of the film went on without a hitch. Lardass' pie-eating contest? Disgusting. Chris' milk money confession? Heartbreaking. The leech scene? Fez had to adjust his jeans more than once. The thought of a blood-sucking worm down there was absolutely terrifying.

Finally, they got to the part where Ray Brower was found. Lexi had a few thoughts about that.

"Look, I love this film. Don't get me wrong," she started, gesturing to Ray's motionless body. "But this is s'posed to be set in Oregon during summertime. Rigor mortis would've set in long before then. These kids should be gagging and throwing up, not having a gunfight with Kiefer Sutherland."

"Who?" Fez asked.

"Kiefer Sutherland," Lexi explained, pointing at the redheaded douchebag. "Ace."

"That's a stupid ass name."

"It really is," she said.

Soon, Fez and Lexi were nearing the last few scenes. Gordie's voice filled the living room.

"As time went on, we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern...until eventually they became just two more faces in the halls. It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant. 

I heard that Vern got married out of high school, had four kids and is now the forklift operator at the Arsenault Lumber Yard.

Teddy tried several times to get into the army, but his eyes and his ear kept him out. Last I'd heard he'd spent some time in jail and was now doing odd jobs around Castle Rock.

Chris did get out. He enrolled in the college courses with me. And although it was hard, he gutted it out like he always did. He went on to college and eventually became a lawyer.

Last week, he entered a fast-food restaurant. Just ahead of him, two guys got into an argument. One of them had a knife. Chris, who'd always made the best peace, tried to break it up. He was stabbed in the throat. He died almost instantly.

Although I hadn't seen him in more than ten years, I know I'll miss him forever.

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"

And then the song played, along with the credits. Directed by Rob Reiner, it said. Fuck that guy. Fez took a drag, shaking his head.

"Oh, god." Lexi was half-sobbing, half-laughing as she covered her face. "It's so sad." 

"Think I got somethin' in my fuckin' eye," Fezco said, rubbing at his eyelashes.

Something happened that Fezco never saw coming. They started singing. Lexi, with her arms around both legs—and Fez, joint between two fingers.

"No, I won't be afraid. Oh, I won't be afraid." Locked eyes, heads leaning against the couch. "Just as long as you stand, stand by me."

Fez mimed a tear falling down his face. She giggled beside him. "No, I won't shed a tear. Just as long as you stand, stand by me."

Lexi's hands were clutching her chest, putting heart and soul into the next words. "And darlin', darlin', stand by me. Oh, stand by me."

He knew he was looking at her like an idiot. Fezco didn't really care. She stared right back.

"Woah, stand now. Stand by me." He laid a hand out for her to take. To his surprise, she grabbed ahold of him. Lexi wiped away a tear. Thumb rubbing over knuckle, they continued singing together.

A few lines later, Fezco finally let go. "This shit go hard," he said, playing an imaginary violin. Anything to keep her laughing.

"But for real, though." He sobered up with a chuckle. "If your play's anything like Stand By Me, you're not gonna have no problems."

"Thank you, Fez," she said, so soft he could barely hear it.

Unfortunately, they couldn't stay there all night. Lexi—with her homework, play rehearsals and a sister to worry about. Fezco had a business to run. Reality was inevitable.

He dropped Lexi off, rain still pouring. They made plans to hang out another time. On the way back home, Fez thought about the movie some more. 

Comparing himself to Chris lead to a pretty unhappy future. Fezco wasn't an idiot. His job had an expiration date, somewhere between death or jail. Teddy's fate could be just as likely.

Still...Fezco hoped for better things. Namely, a future with one girl in particular. 

Lexi Howard.

*

Later:

"I hear you singin' fuckin' showtunes earlier?"

"Bro, shut the fuck up."

it's only she and i, ocean floor, how deep we dive / we be high, lookin' for another fuckin' tree to climb / she was playin' hard to get, i read between the lines

June 8th, 2019 - 12:10 AM

Because life had a way of being funny at times, Fezco found her on another couch.

She was wearing a dark blue sundress with a big clip pulling her bangs back. As much as he loved the different braids she came up with, there was something special about seeing Lexi with her hair down. 

Another DMX song played in the background. People were dancing on each other, but Lexi stayed busy with her phone. Fez had to turn away a few customers on his way over, telling them to talk to Ash instead. He knew this conversation would be more important.

"Sup, baby," he said, sitting down.

Lexi finally looked up, surprised to be interrupted.

"Hi," she said, her voice soft.

Fezco was done tiptoeing around this. Her texts today were short and uninterested. None of the usual East Highland gossip, last day updates or asking how Ash was doing. Eventually, she stopped answering altogether.

"You gonna tell me what's been botherin' you, for real?" he asked, resting his head against the back of the sofa. 

A deep sigh. Then, "It's stupid."

Fez sucked his teeth. "What'd I say about doubtin' yourself and shit?"

She nods, considering this, then stared up at the ceiling. "This week was just...a lot."

"I was?" he asked.

"No!" she said, reaching out to grab his arm. "Not at all, Fez."

"Okay..."

"Finals were stressful, and it got me thinking about college next year, and that freaked me out." She was talking with her hands, trying to explain. "Then you were late on Wednesday—which happens, I know, but I got really scared. What if something did happen?  And I was just at home, studying?"

"We was just runnin' late, I told you," Fezco said.

"I know, I know." Lexi kept nodding, like she was trying to convince herself. She clawed at the couch fabric with manicured nails. "Still. My mom's been drinking a lot more lately, because Cassie's going to school in the fall. And I can tell Ash doesn't like me, no matter what I do. Plus—"

"Wait, hold up." He hated to interrupt, but this felt necessary. "Ash say somethin' to you?"

Lexi turned to picking at her fingers—a nervous tick. Fez reached out to pull her hand in his. After taking a breath, it gave her the courage to continue.

"No..." she started. "It's just a feeling."

That was fair. Ash didn't like most people. Coupled with Ash's PS4-fueled outburst the other day and Lexi's own insecurities, Fez would be stupid to ignore the signs.

"Nah, I feel you," Fezco agreed, rubbing his thumb over hers. "Ion know what to do about it, though."

"Me either." Lexi bit her lip. "Cassie always invited me along. But it never felt genuine, like they weren't really my friends—just hers." She shook her head, looking up at the ceiling again. "Then if she forgot to include me, I'd feel left out."

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't," he said.

"Exactly," Lexi agreed.

They sat in silence for a bit. Then Fez sat up straighter, tugging on her hand.

"How 'bout this: If I'm runnin' late, I text you 'n say everythin's good. Shoulda done that in the first place." He shook his head, cursing himself for being so dumb. "And Ash...he's just tough. We'll work on it."

Lexi nodded. He could tell she was feeling better already. Still holding hands, she scooted over the couch cushions and rested a cheek on his shoulder.

"Okay," she said, quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't gotta be sorry," Fez said. He kissed her temple. "Do me a favor, though?"

"Mhm," Lexi mumbled, both eyes closed.

"When you get to feelin' like this... tell me. Don't shut down." Her eyelashes fluttered open, and she looked up at him. "I can't read your mind, Lex."

It wasn't his intention to make her feel bad. When Lexi nodded, he breathed a sigh of relief.

Chin tilted in a silent ask, she parted both lips. Fez moved in for an actual kiss.

"Lexi!" someone screamed. 

They sprung apart. 

Cassie stood in front of the couch, face flushed with alcohol and likely other illicit substances. 

"Hey, Cass," Lexi said, untangling herself from Fezco. "How're you feeling?"

"Oh, good. Super good!" The blonde girl was unsteady on her feet. And no wonder, at the size of those heels. She reached for Lexi with one hand and clutched a lime White Claw in the other. "Come on, dance with me!"

Lexi looked between the two. "Ion know, we're kinda in the middle of some—"

Cassie wasn't having any of it. She pulled her sister up from the sofa. Ignoring Lexi's protests, Cassie turned to Fezco.

"Come get'er in 20, 'kay?" Her words were slurred only slightly.

He nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

And with that, the Howard sisters were gone.

will you stay? / just a little while, babe? / just a little while, just a little while, just a little while

June 8th, 2019 - 12:30 AM

Twenty minutes later, Fez found Lexi on the dance floor. Whoever was in charge of the aux decided that now was the perfect time to put on a slow song. Redbone played through the loud speakers.

As the crowd groaned at the change in pace, Cassie included, Fez and Lexi locked eyes from across the den.

He was leaning against a far wall. To be honest, Fez had been watching her since they moment she left. Could you blame him?

Lexi Howard can be described as many things, but a dancer was not one of them.

She moved awkwardly to the music, clearly uncomfortable in her environment. When her sister said something funny, Lexi would throw her head back and laugh. It made her relax some, but not by much.

Cassie stomped away with a plan to find Playboy. Yeah, they were still together. Lexi complained about it all the time. Nate had gotten the message from New Year's, leaving Rue and Fezco's business alone, so he truly did not give a fuck anymore.

This left Lexi alone, out of place and a little bit sad. Fez couldn't have that. He pushed himself from the corner and went to join her.

Donald Glover's voice filled the room. You make it hard for a boy like that to go on. I'm wishing I could make this mine. Three steps, four steps, five steps. Finally, he had Lexi in his arms. 

"Hi, again," she said, playing with the short hairs at the back of his neck.

They swayed back and forth to the music. He held her at the waist, looking deep into brown eyes. "Hey, baby," Fez responded.

Too late. You wanna make it right, but now it's too late.

"Never done this before," she whispered.

She was slick with sweat, a side effect from dancing with Cassie. Her breath was hot against his cheek. Placing a soft kiss to the side of her throat, he felt Lexi's pulse jump beneath him.

"We can make it," Fez quietly sang, tasting salt and a hint of vanilla. "If you want it, you can have it."

Personally, Fezco thought he was giving a stellar performance. Almost as good Stand By Me one rainy afternoon. But Lexi was having none of it. She reached up and pulled him down to her, and the song lyrics were quickly put to rest.

A simple good morning peck or caught in the middle of sex, kissing Lexi never got old. Even surrounded by a group of horny teenagers, practically begging him for their next fix. Call Fez a pussy, a bitch, a fucking simp—but she was the best drug of them all.

Knotting two hands in his sweater, Lexi held him close. So close, he could count her heartbeat in between shared breaths.

Somewhere along the way, they stopped dancing. When did that happen? He didn't know. The song was over anyway.

Lexi pulled back, red lipstick smeared around her mouth. It was probably all over his face, in his beard. A common problem for the couple.

"Meet me in the bathroom." She leaned on tiptoes, whispering in Fezco's ear. "Five minutes."

What was it about the Howard sisters, telling him when and where to be? Not that he could complain.

Lexi skipped off, giggling.

Goddamn, he thought. With a shake of his head, Fez pulled out a leftover cigarette from earlier in the night.

Something told him he would need it.

Chapter Text

you and me, super freaks, here we are / i'm takin' care of each and every part

June 8th, 2019 - 9:45 AM

There were hands on his face. Fingertips moved gently from temple to chin, tracing over eyebrows and frown lines. It felt so good that Fezco was surprised he even woke up at all.

"What the hell you doin', Lexi," he groaned, blinking through the bright morning light. He laid on his back and peeked one eye at the girl sitting next to him.

She was on her stomach, wearing another matching pajama set. Far too sophisticated for bedhead, Lexi had long braids hanging over each shoulder. She continued to draw circles on his face, one elbow on the bed and another on Fezco's chest. 

"I'm counting your freckles," she said, smiling slightly. 

He adjusted the french fry pillow behind his head. "Well, that's gonna take a fuckin' while." 

One summer, when Fez was bored at the strip club with no homework to keep him busy, he tried to do the same thing. Fezco lost count around two fifty.

"I don't have any plans for today," Lexi replied. Nose, lip, left ear. She made the rounds. "How about you?"

"Nah," he said. His plans involved doing a whole lot of nothing. "Gotta switch shifts with Ash at 7. Til then...I'm all yours, shawty."

"I can work with that," she agreed, scratching lightly at Fezco's beard. He was in heaven.

In the next few minutes, her efforts concentrated on one area in particular—right below his hairline. Going back and forth over the same freckles like she had to commit them to memory. 

"Find somethin' good?" Fez asked, peering through long lashes.

She was squinting. "I think I see the Big Dipper."

On his forehead? He reached up there to touch it himself, then pulled away at her giggling.

"You're so full of shit," Fezco muttered, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.

Lexi went on like Fez never spoke. "Freckles may not be stars," she continued, moving to trace the specks on his crossed arms, "but they're just as cool. I always wanted some growing up."

"For real?" Who'd choose to be covered in polka dots from head to toe? Certainly not him. "Hated these fuckers when I's little."

Lexi hummed. "Drew them on and everything."

Fezco imagined a smaller Lexi Howard, painstakingly drawing on freckles in the mirror. How she would mess one up, get frustrated and end up with smeared marker all over her hands. Cassie making fun, Suze cleaning up with a wet wash cloth, Lexi heartbroken by unfair genetics.

It got him thinking about other childhood fantasies.

"Yo, what'd you wanna be when you's a kid?" 

She didn't miss a beat. "Amelia Earhart," Lexi answered.

Fez let out a laugh, still deep from sleep. "Think she's already taken, ma."

"I know that. It's just...She knew what she wanted, in a time where women were expected to be one thing. Not pilots." Lexi shook her head, arm digging into his torso. Her chin rested over Fezco's heart. "And to fly over the Atlantic? I always admired her bravery."

"Damn, yeah," he agreed, nodding. "Amelia Earhart's badass. Almost as fearless as you."

"Almost?" she asked.

"I mean..." He pulled on one of her braids. "If Amelia got in that plane without believin' in no God, then maybe."

Lexi's brow wrinkled while she tried to remember. "I think she was an Episcopalian."

"Shit, there you go."

They laughed together for a good minute. Then Lexi tugged the collar of his shirt, quietly asking, "What about you?"

"Oh, I was tryna go to space," Fez said, rubbing her back in small circles. "Be the first man on Mars. Check out the moon if we had the time, make a whole trip outta it."

"Mhm, sounds fun," she commented, finally curling up in the crook of his neck. "Cassie wanted to be a princess."

"Course she did." Fez didn't know Cassie Howard that well, but her story certainly checked out. "You ever take a class on it?"

"What, flying lessons?" Lexi asked, pulling away to look him in the eye. He nodded. "Nope."

"Why not?" 

She shrugged and laid down. "No money, I guess. Cassie had to quit skating too. It was a whole thing."

"Huh," Fezco replied, for lack of something better to say.

After a while, Lexi fell back asleep. He pulled the blanket up over them both.

Cassie wanted to be treated like royalty. By Gus, Playboy, all the men she met in life. Even by her sister, sometimes.

Fez and Lexi dreamt of flying away.

Wonder why that was?

why would i ever blow you off? / right now, let's go get lost

June 14th, 2019 - 8:35 PM

Fezco wished he ended things a bit better with Ashtray. Of course he did. Usually they were in full agreement, never missing a beat. But things had changed in the last few months.

He needed to make an effort to spend time with Ash alone. What exactly should they do, though? Hanging out at the store didn't count, because that was work. Ashtray liked playing video games, doing random shit on his phone and watching the security cameras. He didn't have a lot of time for many other hobbies.

When he brought this up to Lexi, she had a great idea.

"Why don't you take him to that new ax throwing place on 7th?" Lexi said, sitting on the edge of his bed. She spoke quietly—in case Ashtray overheard.

One thing about Ash: he craved violence. Yearned for it. Hell, look at Mouse. Ten feet under because a thirteen-year-old was raised on ruthlessness rather than Mister Rogers. Fez couldn't help but feel responsible. Maybe he could've done more, kept him out of the business. Then again, what would Grandma do?

Stuff him full of coke to evade the police, probably. At least Fezco didn't go so far.

"He'd love that shit," Fez agreed, placing a big kiss on the top of her head. "You a genius, baby."

So, on a typical Friday in June, Fez decided to that the brothers would skip Jake Shaw's house party and hit up the Hurling Hatchet downtown.

"Where the fuck you takin' me, anyway?" Ashtray was pissed, hands curled into fists. He sat in the passenger seat and stared moodily out the window. "We coulda made a shitload of money tonight."

"It's a surprise, 'n we good on cash right now." Fezco narrowly missed a curb. "Quit freakin' out."

Ash clutched the fabric of his sweatpants. "I'm not," he said through gritted teeth. "Just hate surprises. Shoulda brought my gun."

"You don't need no fuckin' gun." Fez rolled his eyes, turning up with music to play some Post Malone song. "Chill the fuck out, we almost there."

About five minutes, three stoplights and two turns later, Fezco parked the Cadillac outside a brick building. It had a big sign in the shape of an "H" with an ax in the middle.

Ashtray looked a little confused but seemed to be warming up at the sight of the weapon. Hardly a AK-47 or his trusty hammer. He would have to make do.

"What'd'ya say, bro?" Fez asked, punching Ash in the shoulder. "Wanna throw some shit?"

His brother could barely contain his excitement. "Fuck yeah."

Hurling Hatchet was a cool place. The lanes were encased in chain link fences, a solution for people with terrible aim. It would be bad for sales if someone took a cleaver to the throat. Ash may be a bloodthirsty motherfucker, but Fezco certainly wasn't.

After paying for an hour of gameplay, Fez was handed the axes, a pencil and piece of paper. Each lane had two targets. Making the bullseye got you six points, and the rings around it were labeled one through four—each worth the corresponding value. Hitting one of the small spray-painted dots, barely visible to Fezco's eye let alone capable of shooting, added eight points to your score. Before they even stepped up to the plate, Fez knew he was gonna get smoked.

Ash threw, making the third ring. Not bad for a first try. Fez said so and got a "Whatever, man" in return.

After recording the score, Fez stood at the dotted line. His Air Forces barely peeked over the edge. He cocked back his shoulder, ax in hand, and let the metal fly. 

Yeah...It didn't stick. Hit the two and bounced off.

Ashtray sat on one of the barstools, looking smug.

"I need a beer," Fez muttered, then pointed a finger at him. "You go next. Don't cheat, I'ma find out anyway."

"Don't needta cheat. Bad enough as it is," Ashtray replied. And damn, he wasn't wrong. Still...

Fezco flipped him off over his shoulder, hearing his brother laugh for the first time in a long while.

*

As expected, Ash won.

"Think they'd let me bring ninja stars?" he asked. "Y'know, next time."

"I dunno, bruh," Fezco scratched the back of his head, one hand on the wheel. "Prolly not."

"That's bullshit," Ashtray said. But it lacked some of the usual bite.

Truth is, Fez was stuck on the second part of Ashtray's sentence.

Next time.

June 25th, 2019 - 6: 30 PM

Ash didn't really know Lexi. How could he? Every time they hung out, Ash would be doing something else.

It never occurred to Fez that his brother was waiting for an invite. After the conversation with Lexi at the party, he came to his senses.

Fez started by having Ash join one of their movie nights. Or maybe it was Lexi who was new to the fun. Starting with Superman Returns way back when, you could almost call it a tradition—Fez on one couch, Ashtray sitting opposite.

Lexi was making popcorn in the kitchen.

"Just ask him, babe," she said.

Alright, damn. He must've looked like a lost puppy. Without saying a word, Fez shuffled down the hall and knocked three times.

Ash didn't like it when he barged in. Which, fucking sue him, the front door was right there. Whoever designed their apartment smoked a ton of crack in the 70s.

He heard a grunt of some kind, so Fez took that as a sign to enter. Ash quickly minimized his browser. Porn or something more sinister?

He hoped it was porn.

"Yo, me 'n Lexi wanna watch a movie," he said, hands deep in his jean pockets. "You comin'?"

Ashtray spun around in his swivel chair, sniffing the air a bit.

"Extra butter," Fez answered.

"Aight, bet."

In the den, Lexi was cross-legged on the sofa. Fez quickly sat down and leaned in close, reaching for a handful of popcorn.

Peering over his shoulder, Lexi tentatively called out, "Hey, Ash?"

The boy stood quietly next to the blank TV.

"Wanna pick the film?" she asked, head tilted to the side.

This question could go one of two ways. "Pick your own movie, bitch" or casual acceptance.

Luckily, Ash went with the second option. He knelt down by the big screen and started flipping through titles.

"Play that killer pig shit, Ash." Fez rubbed Lexi's upper arm in thank you. She settled against him. "Fuckin' Razorback."

"Killer pigs?" Lexi sounded slightly disturbed. "So barbaric."

Yeah, kinda the whole point. Fezco went to say as much, only for Ashtray to turn around and shoot back, "Long as you don't start singin' on us, bruh. I ain't tryna go deaf tonight."

Lexi starting giggling, shoveling popcorn into her mouth to hide the sound. 

"Oh, that how it is?" Fez asked.

Ash shrugged, popping the DVD in the player. He settled on the other couch and grabbed his own snack bowl. Lexi made two.

July 4th, 2019 - 7:50 PM

It was the Fourth of July.

Fez and Ash got a sick deal on an ice cream truck, selling treats to kids and something extra for the parents. Weed, molly, xannie bars, you name it. Instead of pretzels at the carnival, they hid product underneath cups of Dippin' Dots.

Kids went feral over that shit. Fez fucked with the cookie dough flavor, though, not gonna lie. Lexi liked those colorful popsicles with bubblegum for eyes. He made sure to save a few of those from the sticky-handed kindergarteners—also a favorite among their group.

It was just before sundown and they were on the way back to the store. Ash had enough of the ice cream sales for the day. He liked sitting in the back store room, away from the customers, and he couldn't exactly do that in a ten foot bus.

Plus, Fez needed to relieve Lexi at the store. Creeps came out after dark.

"If I hear this song one more fuckin' time," Ashtray gritted out, "I'ma pull my Glock out."

Fez turned up the speaker, just to be an asshole. "Keep it in yo pants."

"Man, fuck you."

They pulled up to find Lexi sitting on the roof, legs hanging over the edge. Fez parked the truck and made sure to plug it in. A bunch of freezers full of melted ice cream? Talk about a mess.

Meanwhile, Ash zipped up their suitcase and threw a stack bills over top. Not bad for a day's work.

Fez stood under the awning, lighting a cigarette. Soccer moms didn't like that shit around their kids, apparently—popping pills for all to see, but God forbid he light up. It had been hours.

"So much for watching the store, Lex," he muttered, looking up. 

He could see her eyes roll from fifteen feet in the air. "Best view in the house."

"Oh, really?" Fezco puffed out smoke and pocketed his lighter. "How you makin' money all the way up there?"

"There hasn't been a customer in two hours, Fez." Lexi crossed her arms. "People think I'm a narc."

"Shiiit, can you blame 'em?" Laughing, Fez tapped ash on the ground. "They ain't tryna go to jail over some Funyons."

Secretly, he was kinda glad that no one came to the store—even if it cost him. Fezco had been going out of his mind all day. Annoyed the shit out of Ash, checking his phone every four seconds.

But when Fez mentioned the new ice cream truck operation, and how they would have to close the store for a few days, Lexi looked at him with those brown eyes and offered her services.

When he said no, she got all huffy and started quoting some feminist manifesto. Her and Rue really were two peas in a pod.

Fez felt something drop on his neck. A mary jane falling from high above. No, the irony was not lost on him.

Mumbling around his cigarette, he asked, "Really, we throwin' shoes now?"

She flipped her head back and laughed. God, she was beautiful. The backdrop—a mixture of orange, yellow and blue skies—only added to the picture.

"Come up," Lexi said, patting the space to the left. "Where's Ash? The fireworks are starting soon."

He didn't like Lexi quite yet, but Ashtray seemed to be coming around. She was trying really hard—Fez could tell. Ash too.

Progress. That was all that mattered.

"Aight, I'ma go get 'im. You want anything?"

"Hmm." She tapped her lip, thinking on it. "Oooh, do you have any of those popcicles left? With the—"

"—bubblegum for eyes." Lexi nodded, smile bright even from here. "Yeah, I gotchu, ma. Don' move."

"Thanks, babe!" she called to Fezco's retreating back, followed by the plop of another heel and a loud cackle.

Rounding the corner, Fez took another drag and rapped on the cooler door.

Ash was sitting at the table. Behind him, a microwave dinged. Slapping down a wad of cash, he reached for his food and began to eat. Fucking SpaghettiOs.

As tall as he's gotten in the last year—it was definitely down to genetics, not a healthy meal plan. Fezco dreaded the day that Ashtray would outgrow him. In height, yeah, and...well... You get the idea.

"Fireworks," Fez stated, leaning against the cool glass. "You in?"

Shit blowing up? Yelling obscenities at the sky? "Fuck you, East Highland!" and "Eat dick, California!"? All definitely in Ashtray's wheelhouse. 

"Aight," the boy said, shoveling in pasta at record speed. "Lemme finish counting. We made a shit ton today, bro."

"Told you." Fezco gestured with his smoking Newport. "How much we talkin'?"

"5 G's." 

"Damn, not bad at all." He turned to leave, holding in a shiver. It was cold as fuck in there. "Didn't make nothin' at the store today, though. Even above table. People thinkin' Lexi's a narc."

"No shit," Ash said, setting down his bowl. "I'll be up in 10."

They shared a nod, and after a beat, Fezco made his way back to the truck.

Cigarette in his mouth, he searched through the freezer for a bubblegum popsicle. Fez served about a dozen of these today and each was uglier than the last. 

He pulled out his phone, sending Lexi a quick text.

fez

sure u want this? spongebob lookin like shit

She replied almost immediately. Sitting on the roof, shoeless, Lexi knew what she wanted.

Lexi

Yes please

Quick, you're gonna miss the fireworks! 🧨

Fez grabbed the package and put his smoke out on an empty soda can, slamming the door behind him.

He rapped on the cooler while he passed, grabbed the discarded mary Janes and threw them up over the awning. 

"Hey!" Lexi shrieked from above. "Watch it!"

"Watch it?" Fez scaled the ladder with two hands, popsicle wrapper in his mouth. "Threw 'em at my head ten fuckin' minutes ago, Lex."

As he climbed over the edge, he finally saw her up close. She had on a floral skirt and tank top combo, hair pulled back in a white headband. So fucking cute.

"Hey, baby," Fezco mumbled, sitting down. He held out Spongebob and pulled her in for a quick kiss.

After they pulled away, Lexi said a quick "thank you" and tore into the treat like a starved third grader.

"These are my favorite," she said, taking a big lick.

"Yeah, you and 'erry kid on the block."

She held the popsicle up to truly look at it—now a mixture of colors and dripping over them both, save for the eyes.

"Well, they have good taste."

"Whatever you say, ma," Fezco said, shaking his head.

The sun had truly disappeared now. Gone was the oranges and reds, leaving only dark in it place. Fireworks would be starting soon. 

"You know..." Lexi started to say, gesturing with her ice cream. He felt a splash near his elbow. "The first time I was up here, you drew a beard on me."

Fez looked to the stars and asked God for some guidance. "You ain't ever lettin' that shit go, huh?"

Lexi lapped at the treat, sounding real matter-of-fact when she answered, "Nope."

Okay, fair. Drawing a beard on a total stranger was a pretty shit thing to do, especially when they had never smoked before. That didn't stop it from being pretty fucking funny at the time.

Rue and her friend climbed down from the roof and decided to come back to his place. They spent the past hour shotgunning back and forth. Fez sat in the corner, feeling like a massive perv.

First, the mystery girl coughed up her lungs—which, for a first-timer, was to be expected. Then she got super talkative, words flowing at record speed, listing facts about medical marijuana and Martha Stewart's newfound friendship with Snoop Dogg. Real interesting stuff.

Finally reaching the third (and final) stage, Rue's friend conked out on his couch and snored so loud he thought it might wake Grandma. If that were even remotely possible. 

"What's her name again?" Fez asked, raising his voice so Rue could hear him in the kitchen. She was busy rifling through cabinet drawers.

"A-ha!" Rue exclaimed, rounding the corner with a Sharpie raised high in the air. "Wait, what?"

He pointed at the sleeping brunette. She couldn't be older than fourteen. "Yo' girl."

"Oh, that's Lexi. And Lexi—" Rue uncapped her marker with a flourish. "—could use some facial hair, donchu think?"

Taking a drag of his own blunt, Fez chuckled and said, "Fuck yeah." But really, he was thinking, Lexi? That's a nice name. Real pretty.

Rue crouched down and started drawing thin lines over Lexi's chin. There must've been a hundred marks on there. How the hell was this girl napping through all of this?

Fez laughed, which turned into a cough, then back into a laugh. Lexi was looking mad funny. And familiar.

"Yo, you got her lookin' like that—that white guy with the afro." As Rue stepped back to admire her handiwork, she nodded along with a smile. Fez mimed a tiny paintbrush. "He be paintin' on TV."

"Fuckin' Bob Ross." Rue nudged him on the shoulder, snickering at the thought. "She looks like Bob Ross."

Because Fez was a fifteen-year-old boy and therefore a massive asshole, he started yelling, "Bobby, Bobby, it's a fire!"

Lexi's eyes shot open, pupils blown. She shot a panicked look to Fez and Rue.

Rue was an asshole, too, because she played along. "We gotta—we gotta go. We gotta go. Yeah."

"It's a fire!" he yelled, grabbing Lexi's right arm. Rue grabbed the left. "C'mon, c'mon!"

Lexi stood up on wobbly legs, and Rue and Fez burst into loud fits of laughter.

He barely knew this girl, but Fezco already liked her.

"Fez?" Lexi asked, nudging him on the shoulder. 

"Hm?" 

"Are you alright?" She had the wooden stick in her mouth. All gone. "You spaced out for a second there."

There was a crack, and the firework show had finally begun. "Nah, I'm good."

Lexi nodded, accepting this. She leaned close and put her head on his shoulder.

"Just thinkin' 'bout that day," Fez started to say, rubbing circles on her exposed shoulder, "'you lookin' sexy as fuck with a goatee. Mrs. Worldwide." 

She squawked and hit him lightly on the chest, ready to say something witty back. "Fezco—"

But then they heard muffled cursing, a dark figure crawling up onto the roof. Ashtray decided to join them.

"Yo, this shit better be good," said the boy, huffing.

"Best view in the house," Fez responded, and if he was looking at Lexi and not the darkened sky, well...That was his business, okay?

July 20th, 2019 - 8:25 PM

Even though Fez and Lexi now made a conscious effort to include Ashtray in their plans, sometimes the couple just wanted to be alone. 

Like now, at the drive-in, making out as Mean Girls played in the background. It would be a massive mood killer if Ash was sitting in the backseat, complaining about movie choices—as if Fez had any control over the film selection.

They were getting pretty hot and heavy. Lexi in his lap, Fezco's hands tangled in her hair. There were a few close calls where Lexi leaned too far into the steering wheel, almost honking the horn. Overall, he was happy with how the night was going. 

Then Lexi pulled back, staring out the slightly fogged window. Fez followed her line of sight to the massive outdoor theater screen. It was focused on some blonde lady's tracksuit-covered tits. The movie audio played through the Caddy's speakers. 

"If you need anything, don't be shy, okay?" said the lady, strangling Parent Trap into a hug. "There are no rules in this house. I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom!"

Lexi let out a series of giggles, leaning down against his chest. Fezco was massively confused.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"It's just that—" She shook her head, sounding fond. "I'm pretty sure my mom said, like, the exact same thing to Cassie and all her friends."

Fezco smiled too. It was almost contagious. "Damn, I gotta meet this Mrs. Howard." 

He thought back to his own mother, who Lexi would never get to see. Grandma, laying comatose in the hospital bed. Suze had her issues—and addictions, for that matter—but who the fuck didn't? Sometimes, all you had to be was present.

Lexi's eyes softened. 

"I'd really like that, Fez," she said.

With a nod, Fez pulled her closer. If that were even possible.

They watched the rest of Mean Girls on a perfectly hot summer evening, laughing and kissing and holding each other tight.

He considered saying those three little words. God, did he want to. But they were stuck in his throat like some fucked up kind of acid reflux.

Once a coward, always a coward.

August 2nd, 2019 - 12:15 PM

Fez learned how to skate like most kids do—by falling on his ass and getting back on, over and over again. It started as something to pass the time. There weren't exactly a bunch of kids lining up the block to be his friend. Especially girls. 

Why didn't they skateboard? Fez could count the number of female skaters he'd seen on both hands. Did their chest fuck up the aerodynamics or something? 

Against his better judgement, Fez voiced this thought out loud.

Lexi humored him, as she always did. "We've got boobs to break our fall. Didn't you know?"

He was leaning against the convenience store wall, one foot on the board. Lexi sunbathed from the hood of the Caddilac. Ashtray sat next to her, silently scrolling through his phone. They were all taking a quick lunch break. 

"Hell yeah," Fez said, rolling the wheels back and forth. "That's wassup."

"Well, for rollerblading at least." She was hinting at a smile, shaking the hair out of her eyes. "I've never skateboarded before."

"Shit, why ain't you say somethin' sooner?" He kicked the board into his hand. "C'mon, lemme teach you."

Lexi looked skeptical. "I dunno..."

"C'mon, I'ma a really good teacher." He pointed to Ashtray, who still hadn't said a word. "Taught Ash everythin' he knows."

"Broke my arm," Ash said, completely deadpan. His thumbs kept typing and he didn't even look up.

"Yeah, last year." It was important that Lexi knew that part. "Not my fault you can't skate for shit." 

From the sun or anger, Fez didn't know, but Ashtray's face turned a deep shade of red.

"Shut the fuck up, you—" Ash started to say, stopping as Lexi got up from the car. 

She smoothed out her dress—a green and white checkered number, layered under a cream cardigan that looked cozy from way over there. Her Keds didn't have a speck of dirt on them. 

"Alright, alright. Teach me." She walked over to Fez, looking nervous and determined at the same time. "I better not break my arm, though."

Truly, he couldn't think of a worse scenario. Lexi, in pain, hurt...because of him. "Won't let anythin' happen to you, Lex," Fez said, and he meant it.

And Lexi did pretty well, all things considered. She held onto his arms with a vice grip. When Lexi slipped off the board, Fez was there to catch her. Ashtray made all kinds of smartass comments about his training techniques. 

"Still like my bike better," Lexi declared, settling back on the Caddy. 

If there was one thing in the world that Fezco hated, it was that fucking bike. Lexi insisted on driving it to his part of town. No matter how many times he offered to drive, she put in those earbuds, turned up the music and made her way back home. Don't even get him started on the sound cancelling issue. That shit made his blood boil.

Lexi knew it, too, if her satisfied look was any indication.

"Whatever." He tried not to roll his eyes.

"Why d'you hate my bike so much?" she asked, leaning back on both arms. "Is it because you're jealous?"

"Jealous?" He scoffed and balanced the skateboard behind his shoulders. "Of what?"

Then she switched gears, asking instead, "Fez, you know how to ride a bike, right?"

"What? Yeah, I do."

"He lyin'," Ash piped up. The little shit.

"Fez! Oh my god." Lexi clasped her hands and said please. "Let me teach you. It'll be so fun."

The things he did for this girl. 

(Of course he said yes.)

can i have a hand to hold? / a band-aid for my damaged soul, i paint the planet gold / i swear i'm michelangelo

August 17th, 2019 - 4:45 PM

Lexi was rifling through the fridge, getting ready to make them dinner. She pulled out a container of leftover chicken alfredo. After taking a sniff, she made a comically disgusted face and slowly put it back.

Normally, Fezco would've found this cute as hell—if it weren't for Rue balancing on the open door, taking up all his attention. 

"I'ma fuckin' genius, Fez," Rue said.

Her hair was a mess, and she had dark eyebags that didn't seem to be going away anytime soon. Tapping a hand against bottles of mustard and barbeque sauce, Rue could barely contain her excitement.

"Is that so?" Fez asked, over from his spot on the kitchen cabinet.

"It is fuckin' so." Rue clapped two hands together and pulled them into a steeple, covering her mouth. "Because I came up with an amazing fucking plan."

Not this shit again, he thought. "And what would that be, Rue?"

Lexi stood up from the floor and closed the refrigerator. With a styrofoam tray of chicken, she joined him over at the counter. She didn't say a thing, but he caught her taking in Rue's appearance, her gittery hands and the unhinged way she spoke. Nothing got past Lexi Howard.

"So, for that NA thing," Rue started to explain, still stuck on that stupid idea. "All you would have to do is front me, like, $5000 worth of drugs, okay? And then—"

Fez chuckled, even though it wasn't funny. "Hell the fuck no."

"Okay, well, before you say no," she said, "you kinda haveta let me finish, right?"

"Hell the fuck no," he repeated. 

Lexi took out the cutting board, starting to loudly chop an onion. 

Frustrated, Rue asked, "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I did not like how the plan started," Fezco said, slow and simple.

If there was one thing that his grandma taught him, it was that you didn't loan an addict money. No matter how sad and fucked up they seemed, if they couldn't pay up...the crowbar would come out. She only ever made an exception for Ashtray. 

"Okay, well, you haveta let me finish the fucking plan!"

"No."

"Yes—"

"Hell the fuck no, Rue," he continued, shaking his head.

This was her third time talking about this, and every time, Fezco said the same thing. No. It was like she expected a different answer or some shit.

He wouldn't be involving her in his business. That was a fact. And he sure didn't appreciate her bringing it up in front of Lexi. 

"Fuck it. I give up," Rue slapped both arms down and turned to leave. "Whatever. I'll just take my fuckin' business elsewhere." Clearly, she wanted him to stop her. She kept looking over her shoulder. "It's your fuckin' loss, man."

Finally, Rue disappeared around the corner. "Hell the fuck no," he repeated, long after she was gone.

To the right, Lexi kept chopping. She let out a sniffle.

"You good?" Fezco asked, placing a hand over the knife.

Tears built up in the corner of her eyes, ready to spill. She gave a weak smile.

"It's just the onions," Lexi replied.