Archive of Our Own

“That’s a terrible idea”

“‘tis not”

“Yes it is! What if it goes wrong? Huh? Then what, Moony will hate me for eternity and things will never be alright again!”

James just rolled his eyes. “C’mon Pads, I think you’re exaggerating a little bit. First of all, nothing will go wrong, and secondly, even if it does, it was my idea after all, you’re not to blame. I’m sure Moony will understand.”

“Oh yeah, of course he will!” Sirius said in exasperation, voice full of sarcasm. “It’s such a normal thing mates do, right? Giving Amortentia to each other and-”

“Sirius!”James cut him off, grabbing his shoulders. “Listen to me. I told you, it’s diluted, he’ll barely notice anything,” He took a vial from his robes and gave it to his friend. “Here, do you smell anything?”

Sirius opened the vial and sniffled its contents. It was barely noticeable, but the smell of chocolate and old books and tea was definitely there. “A little bit” he mumbled.

James nodded and closed the vial again. “Okay. So, are we doing this or not?”

Sirius looked out of the window, thinking.

It was a stupid idea, really, but he couldn’t get mad at James, who was only doing this to help him. Sure, he was being an annoying little shit the whole time, but he had good intentions.

See, James knew about Sirius’ crush on Remus, and was convinced that the latter liked the other boy as well, but Sirius couldn’t bring himself to believe it. It had been an unbearable week of James following Sirius everywhere, whispering plans he had come up with to prove that he was right, each one more stupid than the one before ( “say that your parents want you homeschooled and you have to leave next morning, I’m sure he’ll forgive you once you guys get together.” “I’m sure if you start dating someone he’ll be all jealous around you” “We’ll pretend that you’ve got some unknown, dangerous illness and that you’ve got like one week to live, he’ll definitely tell you about his feelings for you! And then, thanks to the power of love, you’ll be cured and you can live happily ever after!” “Just bloody ask him out already!”).

Up until Friday morning, Sirius had been telling him to sod off, flipping him off, or just outright ignoring him. He tried to talk to Sirius during breakfast, but Lily had congratulated him on his Charms essay, saying that he was almost close to beating her, and he was too flustered to talk about any get-together plans. Not until Transfiguration class, that is. They sat together, as always, and James told Sirius his “brilliant idea, Pads, I’m telling you”, which was to have Remus drink Sirius’ diluted Amortentia, only enough to not be totally under the potion’s control but still feel some of its effects. That way, if Remus really liked Sirius (“he totally does, for the millionth time”) he’d act more obvious, due to the effects of the potion making him want to snog his face off. But if he didn’t, everything would be as usual.

James was still trying to convince his friend, but a stern look from McGonagall shut him up, and he passed Sirius a note, “just think about it!” and didn’t talk about it until now, both of them having a free period after lunch.

Remus had Arithmancy and Peter was off to the library with Emmeline Vance, who offered to help him study History of Magic.

The two boys were in their dorm, Sirius standing by the window and James still grabbing his shoulders.

“Alright,” He sighed. “But you give it to him, and you let him know first that it's Amortentia. If he doesn’t want to drink it, which he probably won’t, you just let him be.”

“But how do I-”

“I don’t know. This was your idea, come up with something”

James rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide his smile.

***

That evening Sirius was in the common room with Mary when Remus came back from the library. He shot Sirius a smile but didn’t stop, and went directly to the drom, where James was waiting for him.

He was sitting on his bed, flicking through a Quidditch magazine that he tossed when Remus entered.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” He dropped the books he was carrying at the foot of his bed and lay on his back, exhaling loudly. “Finally finished the Potions essay, I don’t want to do anything else the whole weekend.”

James let out a small laugh, “Are you sure you’re our Moony?” Remus just rolled his eyes, and then closed them. “Speaking of potions,” Remus now opened one eye to let his friend know he was listening. “How d’you feel about some Amortentia?” He now opened both eyes, brow furrowed.

“What about Amortentia?”

James then proceeded to explain some kind of prank idea involving the love potion and Sirius. Remus didn’t look convinced, but his friend persuaded him, and he ended up downing the vial, before blushing slightly when he smelled its contents.

James looked at him expectantly, and nothing seemed to happen for a few moments. Then, Remus’ gaze turned softer and smiled lazily. He looked around the dorm and frowned at James. “Prongs, where is Sirius?”

He tried to suppress a smile. “He’s downstairs, I think.” And with that, Remus left the room, leaving a smiling James Potter behind.

***

Sirius was in the same spot as earlier, still chatting with Mary and Peter, who had joined them not long after Remus went upstairs.

“Hello, Sirius!” He looked up to see a grinning Remus Lupin standing in front of the couch they were in. He couldn’t help but smile back.

“Hello to you, too, Moony.” Peter said, raising an eyebrow at the boy. Remus’ response was pushing him off the couch and occupying his place next to Sirius, sitting rather close to him.

Sirius frowned. “Hey, Moony. Everything alright?” His friend just smiled and nodded, and he returned to his conversation with Mary, feeling a teeny bit of disappointment. He had hoped. Hoped that James was right and that his stupid plan would work. but, he thought to himself, at least he now knew that Remus wasn’t interested, and he’d be able to carry on with his life. Who was he kidding, he knew damn well he wouldn’t carry on with his life just like that.

He was about to excuse himself, not having listened to a word Mary had said, when he noticed a hand grab his gently. He looked down and saw Remus’ scarred hand holding his own, and then he looked at his friend, who was looking at him lovingly.

“Moony? What are you doing?”

“I- You don’t want me to hold your hand?’' Then, he seemed to realise something and gasped. “You don’t love me?” He almost whispered, looking as if he was about to cry.

“I… ye- but… I mean… like…” Sirius stammered, with a very confused look on his face. Peter, still sitting on the floor, snickered, and Mary was watching the scene with a somewhat amused smile.

“Looks like someone’s had some Amortentia” She said.

Remus glared at her, “That’s bullshit. I don’t need some stupid potion to love Sirius.”

Sirius blushed and Peter laughed louder, “Do you love Padfoot, Moony?”

“Yes,” He said without missing a beat. He then looked him in the eye and said “I’m in love with him.”

Sirius just blushed harder and excused himself, muttering something about talking to Prongs.

He entered the dorm room, where James was reading the Quidditch magazine from earlier. He smiled at his friend. “How’d it go?”

“What the hell, James?!” That wasn’t the reaction James had expected. He looked at Sirius, confused.

“What?

“You said you diluted the Amortentia!”

“...I did”

“The hell you did!” He was yelling a bit too loud now. “He just came to the common room talking about being in love!”

“He… really? He said that?” He asked, trying (and failing) to contain his smile.

“Stop grinning, you bastard!”

James was rather confused now. “Is that not what you wanted?”

“I- No! Not like this, and you know it. Not under a stupid love potion” he muttered.

“I bloody told you, I diluted it!”

“Then why the hell is he acting like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like… Like he loves me or something.”

“Maybe because he does?” James was quite exasperated.

Sirius stopped pacing and looked at James with wide eyes. Did Remus really love him? He had just said so, and Sirius wanted it to be true more than anything. No, it couldn’t be possible. He had been smitten with him since third year, and told James about his feelings mid-fourth, when Remus started dating Fabian Prewett. Much to his relief, they broke up shortly after, and James had tried innumerable times to get Sirius to confess his feelings to the other boy. Sirius always refused to, and kind of wished he never told James anything at all. He eventually seemed to calm down and stopped trying to convince Sirius. Up until one week ago, when James got in his bed at night and placed a silencing charm over them.

“He likes you,” James had smiled.

“What?”

“Remus. He likes you back. I’m pretty sure.”

“What the bloody hell are you talking about, Prongs?”

“I noticed. How he looks at you, or laughs at your stupid jokes, or how close he sits next to you in the common room… And let’s not talk about all the unnecessary physical contact!”

Sirius had remained silent. They did sit close and had some rather unnecessary physical contact, but that’s just how their friendship was, right? It didn’t mean anything.

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

James had groaned loudly. “You’re unbelievable!”

“Whatever.” And then he’d rolled over and closed his eyes, hoping that James would just leave him be, and, deep down, hoping that his friend was right.

“He doesn’t”

James closed his eyes and exhaled loudly. He stood up from his bed and went where Sirius was still standing. He put his hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye, speaking slowly and clearly. “Sirius. Pads. Padfoot. The Amortentia I gave Moony was diluted. Very much so. You checked yourself, remember? You smelled it and it wasn’t that strong, you told me.” He paused. “I don’t know, maybe it’s the placebo effect- it’s a muggle thing Lily told me about-. I told him I was going to give him Amortentia, so maybe his brain is convinced he had pure Amortentia, and he’s acting as he would under the influence of the potion. I don’t know.” He sighed, “Or maybe, my plan worked and he’s acting like that because he actually likes you.”

That didn’t help calm Sirius down, and he looked as if he was about to cry. “What do I do now, James?'' he whimpered.

“Okay. If he had actually drank Amortentia, a vial this size, it would wear off in a couple of hours. So I think tomorrow all will be good again. You just have to wait until tonight, alright?”

“Prongs…” he started complaining, but James cut him off.

“I’ll be with you if you want. This was my idea, after all, I won't let you suffer alone.” He said valiantly, making Sirius smile very slightly.

They went to the common room, and saw Remus sitting on an armchair, alone. They approached him, James squeezing Sirius’ arm encouragingly.

“Alright, Moony?” The latter asked.

Remus looked up, eyes pink and cheeks rosy. Sirius' heart skipped a beat and he wanted to run as far as possible, but he stood still in his place.

Remus’ eyes lightened up a bit when he saw Sirius standing in front of him, and then he looked down in embarrassment. “I’m sorry if I upset you earlier, I didn't mean to.” he muttered.

“Don’t worry, Moons, It’s alright. You didn’t upset me.”

“I didn’t?” He asked with a hopeful tone. Sirius couldn’t help but smile.

“You didn’t. I was mad at James,” Remus gave him a questioning look.

Sirius sat on the floor in front of Remus, and James followed suit. “Did James give you something earlier? Before you came downstairs.”

Remus seemed to think before answering. “He gave me Amortentia.” He answered, looking at James for the first time, who remained quiet the whole time.

“So you know you're under the effects of the potion?” Sirius asked cautiously.

“But I do love you, Padfoot!” He almost pleaded. He sat down on the floor across from Sirius, seemingly forgotten about James’ presence now. He reached his hand out, but stopped and looked at Sirius. “Can I hold your hand?”

Sirius looked at James, but he just shrugged, so he looked back at Remus. He was looking at him so earnestly and lovingly it didn’t almost seem like Remus. “Okay, sure," he sighed. “You can hold my hand.” Remus made a delighted sound and held his right hand between both of his. He didn’t say anything, but was smiling at Sirius the same dumb smile that was on James’ face everytime he saw Lily. Speaking of which.

Lily just came down from her dorm room with a stack of books, and was walking towards the portrait hole.

“Hi, Rem.” She shot her friend a quick smile, which widened when she saw Sirius’ hand between his, but didn’t say anything. She noticed Sirius’ mild uncomfortable look and the quick glances he was throwing at James, and apparently misjudged it for wanting the other boy to leave them alone. “Hey, Potter, could you help me return these books to the library?”

James, who couldn’t believe his luck, stood up immediately, but then remembered the promise he had made to his brother. “Well, um… do you… is it okay if-”

“Of course. You go with her, Prongs” James shot him a grateful smile and rushed towards Lily, ruffling his hair and offering to help her carry some books.

Sirius watched them with a soft smile as they disappeared through the portrait hole, and almost choked on nothing when he turned his head and found Remus staring at him lovingly.

“Your eyes are so beautiful,” He sighed.

Sirius blushed. “Oh. Thanks, um, yours are, too”

Remus’ face lit up, “You really think so?”

“I know so.” He replied without thinking. Remus’ face was far too close to his, right hand still caught between the other boy’s. Sirius remembered James’ words. Tomorrow all this would be over, there’ll be no more hand holding or enamoured looks, and he decided to give himself the experience of a nice, perfect evening with Remus. Not that the other evenings with Moony weren't nice and perfect. Mustering up his courage, he put his free hand atop Remus' and said, “Hey, Moons, would you… um, d’you want to go for a walk or something?”

“I’d love to, Pads”

They walked to the kitchen, hand in hand, Sirius internally thankful for not running into anyone on their way. Remus was speaking, but Sirius, for the life of him, couldn’t pay attention, too alert in case they bumped into someone undesirable. Once in the kitchen, Remus asked the elves to prepare them heart-shaped chocolate biscuits, which he knew Sirius secretly loved (the chocolate biscuits, not the fact that they were heart-shaped, even though he did love that as well).

By dinner time, they were in the Astronomy tower, feeling too warm and happy to go downstairs, but when Sirius’ stomach growled, Remus said he couldn’t have him be hungry when dinner was being served right now.

They went to the Great Hall and sat at their usual spots, next to each other, without noticing the whispers nor stares directed at them.

Sirius was going to reach for some cottage pie, when he realised his right hand was still intertwined with Remus’. It was then when he noticed his friends staring at them. James and Lily were smiling widely, Peter looked rather surprised, Mary smirked with a knowing look and Marlene was flicking her eyes from them to Dorcas, soft smile on her lips. He felt his heart race and blood rushed to his face. Remus let go of his hand and mumbled an apology, eyes fixed on his empty plate.

Oh, fuck it.

He served himself some pie and then he served Remus, smiling at him softly. “Can’t have you be hungry when dinner’s served, right?” He said, echoing the other boy’s words from earlier. Remus blushed a bit and smiled shyly, looking really adorable for the millionth time that evening, and Sirius thought that he had done the right thing.

Fortunately, no one said anything about the two boys during dinner, their main focus shifted to James and Lily, who apparently had spent the evening together, and Lily had agreed to go with James to Hogsmeade next weekend. James, of course, was beaming, but for his date’s sake, he was trying to contain himself.

After dinner, they all went to the common room, and Remus seemed even clingier than before. Everyone sat in the couches by the fireplace. James had told them that Remus was on Amortentia, and apart from a few smiles directed at them, everyone just let the two boys be.

Sirius had started his Potions essay, but was struggling a bit so Remus offered to let him copy his. They got in a comfortable position on the couch where Sirius could write his essay and Remus could cuddle beside him. And that’s how, fast forward to now, they ended up, Remus asleep, snuggled into Sirius’ side and being surrounded by the latter’s left arm.

There were very few people left in the common room, mostly seven years’ who were evising for their NEWTs. Sirius had long since finished his essay, but couldn’t bring himself to wake Remus up, partly because he looked so peaceful sleeping, and partly because he supposed that the potion had already worn off, so the moment he woke him up, all this would be over.

He felt a pang of sadness. He had had an amazing evening, despite the initial shock and anger at James. But really, he thought, it had been worth it.

He felt Remus move slightly beside him, and finally decided to wake him up.

“Hey, Moons,” He whispered, and Remus made a soft noise, eyes still closed. “Let’s get you to bed, alright?”

“‘m comfortable” He mumbled.

“I know, love,” He smiled softly, “But we can’t sleep here. C’mon.” He got up carefully, holding Remus firmly yet gently. They made their way upstairs, where James and Peter were fast asleep, soft snores coming from James’ bed. Sirius led a sleepy Remus to his bed, and tucked him in, pressing a soft kiss on his forehead. “Sleep well, Moons”

“Stay with me?” He said, voice so low that Sirius thought he had imagined it. “Please.”

He hesitated a bit, but sat on the edge of Remus’ bed, waiting for his friend to fall asleep. Remus mumbled something else, indecipherable, that Sirius couldn't understand. A few moments later, he noticed the other boy’s breathing had levelled and decided to go back to his own bed.

***

When he woke up, the dorm was seemingly empty. James had gone for his daily Quidditch practice and Peter had said the night before that he’d go to the library early despite it being Saturday. Remus’ bed curtains were open, and the shower could be heard through the bathroom door.

Sirius rolled over in his bed, looking at his friend’s empty one. He was thinking what to do now that the potion had worn off. How would Remus react? Surely, he couldn’t be angry, could he? He had known it was Amortentia, and he’d known it was Sirius’, and he drank it anyway. Besides, Sirius had been respectful, and he hadn’t done anything rude or discourteous. But they did walk into the Great Hall hand-in-hand, hadn’t they? The whole school had seen them, and Sirius knew how Remus felt about being the centre of attention.

Maybe he would be annoyed with him. Maybe he would be uncomfortable around him. Maybe their interactions were going to be awkward all the time. Sirius had been so lost in thought that he didn’t hear the bathroom door open, and he didn’t hear his friend walking (rather quietly) towards his trunk.

He had been expecting so many different things, but the soft tap on his shoulder was not one of those things. Nor hearing Remus’ soft voice.

“Sirius?” he turned and found Remus’ soft gaze. Everything about him is so soft, Sirius thought. “Oh,” he smiled. “I thought you were still asleep” Sirius just blinked. “We’re going to miss breakfast if you don’t get up already, c’mon”

Sirius was confused, but he got up and went to shower. Once he came out, Remus was no longer in the dorm, so he went down to the Great Hall. There were only a few people, and he spotted Remus in his usual spot, hunched over some book, a plate in front of him. He seemed to notice the other boy’s presence, as he looked up and smiled at the sight of Sirius.

“About time you came down!”

“Hi.”

“Hello,” Remus replied with a somewhat amused look on his face. He slid him the plate. “Saved you some breakfast.”

“Thanks.”

He started eating his breakfast, stealing a few glances at Remus, who was reading his book again. When he was done and the plate had vanished, he tapped his shoulder lightly to get his attention. “Hey, Moony?”

“Yeah?” Remus smiled softly.

“Is- are you alright?”

Remus frowned slightly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“No reason, just wondering.”

They got up and started wandering through the castle, walking in a companionable silence. It wasn’t like the other times, though, where they could be in silence for hours, just enjoying each other’s company while doing homework, or watching their friends in the common room. No, this time it felt rather uncomfortable. While Remus appeared to be calm, Sirius was fidgeting and stealing glances at his friend. He stopped walking once they were in an empty corridor on the sixth floor.

“Moony?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, um, about yesterday…” he paused. “The potion’s worn off, right?”

Remus looked confused for a moment, and then he looked down, “Oh, yeah. Yeah, it’s worn off.” he said, and then vanished the book he was still holding.

“Okay,” Sirius smiled weakly. “I didn't do anything to you, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“I know. I remember.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Merlin, Sirius thought, why is this so uncomfortable?

“It was a nice evening.” He heard Remus say.

“Yeah,” he replied without thinking.

They stood there in silence, not daring to look at each other.

“Well, this is awkward.” Sirius said after a while.

“Yeah,” Remus chuckled. “ I figured if I acted like yesterday hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t have to talk about it, and thus, avoiding the awkwardness.”

Sirius looked up at him. He was about to say something, but Remus beat him to it.

“It’s okay, though, really,” He looked Sirius in the eye, making the latter feel a flutter in his stomach. “You’re still my best friend, right? It was just a pointless prank of James’” He almost sounded pleading.

Sirius couldn’t help but smile. “Of course we’re still friends, Moony. I wouldn't stop being friends with you just for that,” he chuckled, “you won’t get rid of me that easily.”

Remus rolled his eyes, amused. "However could I do that?"

Sirius laughed, shoving him off playfully, "Oh, shut up, you love me really."

Remus rolled his eyes again, but was smiling broadly. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Padfoot."

They were walking again, falling into silence once again, this one much more comfortable than the one before.

Sirius was feeling relieved. Remus was not angry at him, and the initial awkwardness had disappeared. They were friends again.

Well, not again. they never stopped being friends, now, did they? Sure, they had been together last evening, all evening, holding hands and eating heart-shaped biscuits, and Remus had said he loved him, and he had fallen asleep cuddled into Sirius' side. But they hadn't stopped being friends.

But Sirius was also feeling somewhat… sad? disappointed? whatever it was, he didn't like it.

"Why'd you do it?" He was surprised at hearing the words come out of his mouth. He said it without thinking, and wanted to bang his head against a wall. Or a tree, now that they were outside.

"Do what?"

"The potion. Why'd you drink it?"

"Oh," Remus sat under a tree and Sirius followed suit. "Prongs told me to, said it was to pull a prank on you, or something, I didn't really understand. And who am I to step between James and his pranks?" He joked.

Sirius chuckled, and spoke after a while. "Him and Lily are going on a date next weekend."

Remus looked at him, surprised. "Are you ser- for real?"

Sirius let out a small laugh. "Yeah, it's gonna be a hard week," he joked.

Remus lay on his back. "Bet Lily's going to be the same."

"Huh?"

"She's been fancying Prongs for a while now."

"Jesus."

Remus chuckled that same chuckle whenever Sirius used muggle expressions. Which was quite often, as he loved hearing it.

They went quiet again. Remus was lying, eyes closed, and Sirius was sitting beside him, fiddling with a strand of grass and trying not to stare at his friend in all his beautiful glory.

"Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just have." He replied and smiled, without opening his eyes.

"It's about… It's about yesterday."

Remus' eyes opened and met Sirius'. When the latter remained quiet, Remus sat up and said, "What's your question?"

"Well, um…" He was suddenly very nervous. "The, er, well, Prongs had already told me that he was going to give you Amortentia. He did, and, um,” He paused, “He… he also said that the potion was diluted.” He said all this without looking at Remus, and when he did, he saw that the other boy was staring at the grass, and Sirius could’ve sworn that he was blushing a bit. “And, well, er, yesterday you were… rather affectionate?” He hesitated a bit before adding, “Was it… was it only because of the potion?”

Sirius saw Remus turn redder, and he didn’t look up from the spot his eyes were fixed on. Just as the boy opened his mouth to say something, a voice called his name.

“I have to go,” he mumbled and almost ran away towards the castle, not looking back once.

“Oi, Black!” Lily said when she arrived where he was, sitting in front of him. “What’d you do?” She inquired, with a stern tone to her voice.

“Nothing!” His tone was almost defensive.

“Why did Remus run off, then?”

“How would I bloody know, Evans! Maybe he really didn’t want to see you” He was rather exasperated now.

Lily sighed, clearly trying to contain herself. “Did you upset him?”

“Lily,” Sirius clasped his hands and looked at her as if she was a kid not understanding something he had just said. “Why on earth would I upset Remus on purpose?”

She just blinked.

“Exactly. No reason.”

“Do you like him?” She blurted out.

“What?” He definitely did not shout that.

“Remus. Do you like him?”

“... No?” His answer came out as a question more than an answer itself.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, and then she smiled softly. “You should tell him.”

“That I don’t like him?” Sirius tried to sound nonchalant, but to no avail.

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever,” She got up to leave. “You two looked really adorable together yesterday. I think you’d make a good couple. You’re good for each other.” And with those words still hanging in the air, she turned around and left.

***

Sirius hadn’t seen Remus the rest of the day. He had gone to their dorm after Lily had left, but he wasn’t there. He had looked in the library, but only found Peter, who said he’d been there the whole morning and hadn’t seen Remus at all. He found James in the common room once he was back, and he hadn’t seen Remus either.

They had gone back to their dorm for the Map, but it was nowhere to be seen. (“You know Moony, he probably took it so we can’t find him”)

He hadn't appeared during lunch, and by dinner time their whole friend group was looking for him. Peter had realised that Remus had taken James’ cloak as well, thus making him impossible to be found.

The three marauders and Lily had stayed in the common room waiting for their friend to come back, but after almost two hours, Sirius had said it’d be better if they went back to their dorm, seeing as Remus had the Map and could see them in the common room, and it’d be way better if he could come back and not fall asleep on some cold alcove.

Sirius was now laying on his bed, one hour after coming back from the common room. He couldn’t sleep (James and Peter were both fast asleep at this time), and he wanted to go outside, but lay still on his bed hoping that Remus could see the lack of movement in the Map and come back to sleep. Not long after, he heard steps coming from the stairs, and the door was opened quietly. His bed curtains were open, but still he could barely see the boy walking towards his bed. He got in, without even changing his clothes, and drew his own curtains shut.

Sirius tried not to move for a good twenty minutes, but he was feeling too restless and nervous, and ended up getting out of bed. He went to their shared bathroom, washed his face and hands and took a few deep breaths. He opened the door, fateful not to wake anyone up, and tiptoed back to his bed. He hesitated a moment before approaching Remus’ bed. He opened the curtains just enough to poke his head and look at the other boy.

“Moony?” He whispered. Remus’ eyes were closed, but Sirius could see he was tense, obviously trying to make him think that he was asleep. “Sleep well, Moons,” he whispered again, before closing the bed curtains and going back to his bed, closing his own as well. He heard Remus shuffle lightly in his bed, and fell asleep with a soft smile on his lips.

***

When he woke up, Remus was gone again.

James and Peter were sitting on the former’s bed, talking in whispers.

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he heard James’ voice say. “Besides, Lily looked like she knew something we didn’t, last night, maybe he told her something.”

“Uh huh,” Peter’s replied. “Why don’t we ask her? D’you think she’d tell us?”

“Nah, I don’t think so. They’re pretty close, she wouldn’t share his secrets. Or anyone’s, for that matter. She’s just so great,” He let out a sigh, and Sirius knew he had that dreamy face on.

“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I’m gonna head out to the library, see if I can find Moony there. Do tell me if you find him, alright?”

“What’s with you and the library these days, anyway?”

“Oh, Emmeline’s helping me study History.”

“History, huh?” Sirius could practically hear James’ cocky grin in his voice.

“Oh, shut up. You know she’s with Rotherhide. Besides, she’s only helping me because I helped her study herbology before.”

And then, Sirius heard footsteps and the dorm room was closed, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He got up a couple of minutes after his friends left, and went straight to the Hospital Wing, too late for breakfast anyway. Remus wasn’t there, and Madam Pomfrey said he hadn’t seen him, (“Not since the last Moon, dear.”).

He went to all the places he knew Remus might’ve gone, but to no avail.

He was walking through an empty corridor on the fifth floor when he felt a hand grab his arm and pushed him to the side.

“Moo-?” He stopped talking when, instead of the boy he had been looking for, he saw his little brother, staring at him with a look he couldn’t quite decipher.

“Have you found him yet?”

“Find who?”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, but his expression remained the same. “Who do you think.”

Sirius looked at his brother and sighed, “I haven’t.”

“Mulciber attacked him this morning,” He said matter-of-factly. “Don’t worry,” he added when he saw Sirius pale. “I hexed him. It was just him, easy to get rid of.”

“Regulus…” Sirius pleaded.

“He looked fine. Lupin, I mean. He was defending himself alright, but a little help didn't do him wrong.”

“Did he tell you anything?”

“Said thanks. When Mulciber left he just stood there for a while, staring at me. He said thanks and left.” Regulus shrugged and Sirius pulled him in for a hug, which startled the other boy, but hugged back.

“Thanks, Reggie,” Sirius mumbled. When they pulled back, Regulus looked at him with the slightest smile on his lips.

“You like him, don’t you?” Great, does everybody now know that or what. “I’d make sure he knows, Sirius.” And then, he gave his arm a squeeze and left, walking gracefully as ever.

Sirius stood there for a while, not knowing what to do or where to go, and he finally decided to go to the Astronomy Tower. That was the first place he went looking for Remus yesterday, hoping he’d find him there.

The two of them used to go to the Astronomy Tower quite often, where they’d share a butterbeer and talk about everything and nothing. It was in this place where Sirius realised he had feelings for Remus that were beyond friendship. It was their first Hogsmeade weekend, in third year, but the night before there had been a full moon and Remus had to stay in the Hospital Wing. Peter and James had gone to Hogsmeade, promising to bring Moony loads of chocolate, but Sirius had stayed with him, insisting on making him company. After lunch they had gone to the Astronomy Tower, walking slowly as Remus was still a bit sore. They had sat against a wall, in silence, and Remus had started crying, hiding his face behind his hands. He hadn’t said anything, but Sirius had hugged him gently, rubbing his back and shh-ing him. Once he’d calmed down, Sirius had realised that he wanted to be by Remus’ side for the rest of his life and console him whenever he needed him to.

They’d never talked about that moment afterwards, but kept sneaking to the Astronomy Tower regularly, and whenever one of them was upset, the other would find him there.

But now Sirius was in the Tower, and Remus was not.

He sat on the floor and felt a tear fall down his face. He wiped it out quickly, as if someone could see him and make fun of him. But then, more tears came out and he didn't even try to stop them. He hugged his knees and cried. What started as a few quiet tears, ended up being full-on ugly-crying.

He hated himself. He hated himself and that stupid crush he had on Remus. Why did he want to be more than his friend? Why couldn’t he be content with what he had? But that’s Remus we’re talking about, and how could he not love him? Remus, who always comforted him after a nightmare; Remus, who helped him with his homework after a rough night; Remus, who always reminded him how great he was after he’d gotten a deprecating letter form his mother; Remus, who shared with him his chocolate that he was so protective about. Remus. Remus, who was now sitting beside him and hugging him tightly, invisibility cloak discarded at his feet. That Remus.

Sirius could barely recognise him through his tears, and just cried harder, if possible, hugging him back and holding him tightly, as if he were to disappear any time.

He mumbled so many apologies, not really sure if Remus could understand what he was saying.

He eventually stopped crying, but couldn’t bring himself to let go of Remus. He was scared of the expression he’d see on the other boy’s face once they broke apart. So he kept hugging.

He felt Remus’s hand move away from his hair and it made him wonder how long it’s been there.

“Sirius…” Remus whispered, and Sirius just clutched at him. “Okay.”

After a while, Sirius came back to his senses and realised how childish and ridiculous he was being, so he finally let go of Remus, mumbling a “sorry”. Remus also removed his arm from Sirius’ back, but didn’t move from where he was still sitting, no space left between them.

After a while, Sirius opened his mouth to say something, and once again, Remus beat him to it.

"I will answer your question if I can ask you something first."

Sirius just sniffled and nodded, still not looking at his friend.

"Why did Prongs give me the potion, in the first place?"

Sirius closed his eyes shut and lowered his head even more. He took a deep breath, and said, "He thought you had feelings for me, and he’s been on about it the whole week. Friday morning he told me he had thought of using diluted Amortentia, and you’d only act all couple-y if you already liked me beforehand.” He let out a shaky breath and continued talking. “Of course, I didn't agree with him, but I only accepted so that he’d leave me alone. Once he saw you didn’t like me that way, he’d be too awkward to bring it up again. But I shouldn't have let him do it, Moony, that was very selfish of me and I’m so sorry. I really am sorry.” He finally opened his eyes and looked at Remus, who was looking at him with an unreadable expression, without breaking eye contact.

“You- yesterday you asked if it was because of the potion,” He sighed and looked down at his hands. “At first it really was. I could barely contain myself, but it didn’t last long. I think when we were in the kitchen the potion had already worn off, cause I didn’t feel the urge to snog your face off anymore.” He paused, running a hand through his hair. “But… I figured, if you already thought I was under the effects of a love potion, I may just act like it for a while.” He paused again, and Sirius really felt like crying again, his last bit of hope being shattered completely. “I mean, I could get all cuddly, and hold your hand and look at you lovingly without having to worry about anything, really. I just wanted to know what it would be like without any major consequence, and I know I shouldn’t have done that.” He said that last part in a really low voice.

Sirius looked at him confused, “... What do you mean?”

“I mean,” He let out another sigh, “that James was right. I- I do have feelings for you.”

Sirius couldn’t believe what he just heard. If it wasn’t for Remus’ completely red face and him not meeting his eye, he would’ve thought he’d imagined it. I do have feelings for you, Remus had said. He has feelings for me. Prongs was right, then. Sirius thought he’d squeeze James in a hug as soon as he saw him and thank him for his stupid yet effective plan. Yes, and then he’d help him prepare his date with Lily and make sure all she hears from him are good things. But that won’t be necessary, as she already fancies him. Moony had said- Moony! Sirius suddenly came back to his senses. Remus had probably mistaken Sirius’ prolonged silence and was now rambling.

“... or not, but again, I am sorry, and of course you can take all the time you need, I just really don’t want to lose you- not like that, shit, sorry, but your friendship is really important to me, and I totally understand that you feel uncomfortable around me, I won’t be in the same room as you if you don’t want to, but please, just forgive me, and I will try to get over it, I promise I will, just-”

“Moony?” Sirius interrupted him.

“Yeah?” His voice was so small.

“I have feelings for you, too.”

Silence.

“... you what?”

“I like you, Moony.”

Remus looked at him, trying to figure out if it was just some awfully cruel joke.

“I’m serious,” Sirius said with an earnest tone. And the fact that he didn’t make any serious/Sirius joke must have been what convinced Remus of his honesty. “I’ve liked you for a while, now, Moony. I tried to make it go away, you know, I didn’t want a stupid crush to ruin our friendship, because it’s really imporant to me as well. I tried, but, well, this is you we’re talking about. You know, sometimes I thought I’d be able to just live with it, or that I’d already gotten over you, but then you’d go and just, you’d hug me or give me the sweetest smile ever, or just look super cute while reading one of you books and, really, it is difficult to get over you. Moony- hey Moony, please don’t cry,” He put an arm around Remus, who was now bawling his eyes out, a hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs.

And just like that, they were in third year again, Remus crying and Siris making his best attempts at comforting him.

Once he stopped his tears and his breathing was regular again, he looked at Sirius with puffy eyes, who looked back at him with the loveliest smile. He reached out for his hand, and once again, he asked, “Can I hold your hand?”

Sirius just nodded and his smile grew wider when Remus held his hand.

“Hey, Moony?”

“Yeah?”

“Will… um, would you want to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?”

“I’d love to, Pads.”

They smiled at each other lovingly, and stayed in the Astronomy Tower until it was dark. They’d talked about each other, and when they had realised they liked the other. Remus said he had liked Sirius since second year, and confessed that when he had cried in that very same Tower the year after, it was because he had felt overwhelmed by all the love and care Sirius had shown him, and he had felt particularly bad with himself that day because he’d felt like he was depriving Sirius from an amazing day at Hogsmeade with his other friends. Of course, Sirius said that was nonsense, and that he’d very much rather spend an evening with him than a Hosmeade day with the other marauders.

By dinner time they were both quite hungry, as they’d missed lunch (and Sirius had skipped breakfast as well), so they went down to the Great Hall, and for the second time ever, they went in hand-in-hand.

Their friends were delighted to see Remus back, and seemed even more delighted when they saw the two boys holding hands the whole time. Sirius could’ve sworn he even saw Regulus flash them a smile from the Slytherin table.

Once in the common room, after a long, nice dinner, the two of them were bombarded with questions, some of which they politely refused to answer.

Back in their dorm, James apologised again for what felt like the hundredth time (Sirius did give him a rather tight hug) and Peter threw a pillow at him.

They were getting ready to sleep, and after Sirius came out of the bathroom, Remus looked at him from his bed, where he was lying on his side.

“Stay with me?”

This time, unlike two nights earlier, Sirius got in bed with him and cuddled to his side. He pressed a kiss on Remus’ forehead and whispered, “Sleep well, Moons.”

And with that, he fell asleep, feeling much happier than he had in a very long time.