Archive of Our Own

It was too early, even for her standards, to actually wake up – she would gift herself with a few more hours in bed since getting up would defeat the purpose of taking the day off – she deserved it, especially today of all days. Hence why Daniel dropped a kiss to her forehead with the promise of a nice surprise later in the evening and left to (literally) run back to his own place before heading to work – a boring CFO to one of Boston’s largest companies in comparison to the opposite personality the man seemed to cultivate; he enjoyed extreme sports, and was an adventure ‘junkie’, travelling around the world to freediving off cliffs, volcano surfing, hike through active landmines fields, or what else managed to spike his adrenalin. He claimed the job was his way of supporting his extravagant taste – which was true, some of the experiences he had the opportunity to enjoy were only possible thanks to the more than comfortable income he earned yearly.

Maura had met him three months prior, at a benefit Jane couldn’t attend as her plus one – like she normally would – thanks to a gruesome case that was at the verge of going cold, therefore demanding extra office hours from her best friend and the rest of the homicide squad. It paid off: Jane found a connection going over old papers from another case that could be related to hers, landed a suspect and an eventual arrest a few days later. Maura, on the other hand, didn’t mind that much the lack of (her favorite) company because it led her to meet Daniel, with whom she was sharing a table, which led to sharing a bottle of wine, and eventually her soft sheets.

Being with him reminded her of her young-self, someone curious and avid to learn not only by reading, but by living as well. It didn’t hurt that the man was cultured thanks to his openness for world exploring and embracing different cultures, and definitely not bad to look at also: not only he was at the prime of his body shape, he was lucky that his genetics had been kind to his very symmetrical and harmonious face. He was kind and generous, charming and interesting, intelligent and well-read, and if Maura couldn’t have with him the emotional connection she craved, at least she was having a lot of fun.

A couple of hours later, she woke to the smell of coffee brewing downstairs. She wondered if Angela finally managed to set her La Pavoni coffee maker, and opted for starting the day being led by her stomach.

What she found at ground floor could not be more lovely: Angela had set the table with all her favorite breakfast foods; some she would only indulge in certain occasions since they were not the easiest to find. Along with the coffee she was salivating to drink, she could see her favorite Greek yogurt sided by the organic granola with cocoa nibs, fresh fruits, poached eggs, sai oua – a Laotian sausage she got addicted to when she visited Luang Prabang right before moving back to Boston – and last but not least, cornetti al pistachio, an improved Italian croissant filled with pistachio spread.

“Angela, this is amazing! Thank you so much, you didn’t have to go all these lengths for me.” She side-hugged the older woman and noticed a new vase placed as centerpiece holding an arrangement of various flowers, so beautifully fresh as it would have been picked that same morning. The vase was gorgeous as well, and seemed somewhat familiar, although she couldn’t pinpoint what made her think that.

“Oh honey, this is nothing. It’s your birthday after all! And Janie was so sorry she would miss your special day, she sent you this and a note.” Angela pointed to the table as Maura admired the details on the vase and presented a sealed small envelope to the doctor, who decided to read whatever Jane had written later, when she was alone, opting to focus on the woman in front of her. “And this one is from me.” Presenting her with a beautifully designed dark Japanese tea set.

“A Yokode no Kyusu! Angela, you didn’t have to get me anything… this is so thoughtful though, and too much.” The blonde could barely speak with how emotional she got, embracing the Italian woman tightly.

“Of course I had to! I always try to gift my kids with something special on their birthdays, you’re no exception. I should be the one thanking all you’ve done for me and my family all these years. You might not be my kid by blood, but make no mistake, you are my kid.” She kissed Maura’s head, who clearly got emotional and shed a couple of tears of happiness. “Now come on, let’s eat that breakfast before it gets cold!”

“Did you know there are four types of kyusu pots? Each has been designed taking into consideration different types of tea and their serving temperatures.” She shared while they sat, but went silent as soon as she drank the coffee Angela had poured in her favorite mug. Withholding an indecent moan, she was hit by a sensory overload when the liquid touched her taste buds. “Angela, this is exquisite! This bouquet of notes is so complex and well-balanced at the same time; where did you buy the coffee beans?!”

“Oh, no, honey, I didn’t buy any of this. Jane didn’t send just the vase with the flowers, she sent the whole breakfast, only thing I did was grill the sausage, ground and brewed the coffee, that had very specific instructions may I say, and assembled the table. Everything else was Janie, so you would have to ask her where she bought it. I put away the package with the rest of the beans in the cabinet, you can check later if it helps.”

Not knowing what to say, she thanked the woman once again and complemented her for raising such a caring daughter.

“Well, I like to think I raised all my kids this well, but this is Jane’s own doing… and as nice as she is to others, you know she would only go these lengths for you, right? You have a special place in Jane’s heart, Maura.” She patted the doctor’s hand.

Unable to interpret if Angela had a secret meaning for what she said, she lightly smiled and simply answered as sincere as she could. “She has a special place in mine as well.”

After they were done eating, Angela went on with her day and Maura decided to take a soothing bath, tub filled with the perfect blend of salts, bubbles and oils, using the luxury professional-grade bath pillow Jane’s given her, when she once complained about a neck pain.

Having brought the Boston Globe to the bathroom, she decided to skip the news just for once, and went straight to solve the daily crossword. For her utmost delight, the clues for the puzzle’s completion were challenging and complex to a point not many would be able to solve, and somehow seemed to be made especially for her, considering most, if not all, were about subjects of her interest, or reminded her of specific times or situations in her life. She sighed happily, dreaming it could be true.

Over an hour later, finally dressed for the day, she considered doing some shopping before a late lunch, since she was still full thanks to the hearty breakfast Jane has provided. She had been impressed and curious by how Jane managed to find not only the Laotian sausage but the coffee as well, and honestly a tad smitten with the fresh cornetti her best friend ordered on demand from her favorite bakery in town, knowing they rarely did the pistachio spread-filled ones.

Noticing the envelope that held Jane’s card, she took a big breath, already imagining whatever was written in there would make her emotional, something mostly Jane was able to do. Instead, what she found was nothing like it: a simple square white card as a background and, attached to it, a tracing paper with a drawing – a small circle on the top left, three diagonal different-sized stripes in the middle, another one pointing towards the opposite direction, touching the bottom of the longest stripe, and finally another circle on the bottom right.

Not signed, written nor anything else on the back. If Angela hadn’t given her, and if the card didn’t smell exactly like Jane, Maura would’ve thought this was some mistake. Intrigued, she safely put away in her nightstand as if dealing with the most precious treasure, with the intention of asking Jane its meaning as soon as she’d be able to talk to her.

A ring to her front door brought her out of her thoughts of Jane, and she quickly went to attend, curious, but not expecting any visitors. There, she found Hope holding an elegant box, a rectangular-shaped object in gift wrapping, and a small black packet with a card attached to it.

“May I come in?” she asked her daughter, frozen in place.

“Sure, sure, where are my manners? Please, do come in.” the younger woman closed the door when the older woman got in and headed towards her living room, still astounded.

“Here, these are for you.” Hope offered. “The small packet had been given to me by a dashing young man right before I rang the bell, this is from Caitlin, who couldn’t join us today,” passing the medium-sized gift “and this one is mine.” giving the bigger one.

“Who?” the younger woman got confused. “Was it Daniel?” Maura momently forgot Hope knew nothing about Daniel.

“He didn’t say his name, just asked me to deliver it to you, but I believe she was just the delivery person. Is it maybe from a secret admirer?” she winked.

“A secret admirer?” Maura asked, a tad suspicious the gift could’ve come from her biological father Paddy Doyle, who she wanted nothing to do with. But as she opened the package, she saw fudge clusters, and only one person knew of her addiction to these chocolate delicacies.

“I take you know who your secret admirer is?” Hope inquired after witnessing the bright smile reach green-hazel eyes, illuminating pale skin and beautiful features, and a soft sigh leave pink lips.

“Ah, yes, I might have an idea of who’d sent me this.” This time the card read,

‘Io ti veglierò. Io ti proteggerò.’

and Maura whispered along its translation “I will watch you. I will protect you.”.

The card felt heavy in her hands, and upon a detailed observation, she noticed a couple of layers had been glued together. With dexterous fingertips and the help of a small sharp knife, she pulled it apart, revealing a smaller card in the middle, blank but filled on an embossed pattern, as braille lettering, from top to bottom. Another enigma left by the brunette that also carried Jane’s particular scent, which made her astonished.

Considering she yet wasn’t able to read braille and wouldn’t have time to learn this right minute, she decided to work on the new enigma later as well, and not wanting to be rude, she opened the gift sent by Caitlin next: a collector’s edition of De Abditis Morborum Causis, by Antonio Benivieni, a.k.a. Maura’s bible. She looked at Hope, surprised by the touching gift, who simply shook her head.

“All hers, I had nothing to do with it. She’d also paid from her own savings.” Glad that, after such a rough start, they seemed to be forming a bond, mending what she and Caitlin broke – Maura’s heart.

“I’ll make sure to give her a call later to express my gratitude. I can’t imagine how hard it was to find this.”

“I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear from you.” Hope confirmed proudly. “Now, before you open mine, I have to say that I completely understand if you prefer to refuse part of this gift or even the gift as a whole. My intention is not to cause you any more pain, so I urge you to be honest, okay? You won’t hurt my feelings, let’s avoid hives or a vasovagal episode.”

Maura blushed, intrigued by what this elegant box may be carrying, and a bit afraid at the same time. The first thing she noticed was a folded soft cloth. The softest. Upon taking it from the box, she now could see it was actually a handmade baby’s blanket. She started tearing up.

“This was… this was supposed to be yours. It was the only thing I had the courage and strength to keep, everything else was donated. But this always intended to be yours. I had it professionally cleaned in order to avoid any allergic reaction when I decided this should be part of your gift. I understand if it’s too painful, but I think it could be something you could pass on, if you ever decide to take that road.”

Maura was softly crying. She didn’t know what to say, because this was both healing and heartbreaking. So she did the only thing she knew: she kept going.

The second thing she pulled from the box was a book. More precisely a scrapbook. A baby’s scrapbook. Sensing Maura probably wouldn’t stop crying, Hope explained.

“I never planned on filling one, never really saw the appeal until I was denied the experience. And your mother” she flinched “from the little I learned, doesn’t seem the type who would dedicate herself to this kind of craft.” She paused, checking if Maura was still open to hear what she had to say, before continuing. “In order to get know you better, and heal my own wounds, I got in touch with her and asked for old photos, stories, and anything else she might be willing to share.” Hope went quiet for a while, as Maura went over the pages filled with pictures of herself in varying stages of her life, little written passages, stories she didn’t remember, but was glad her mother, Constance, did. Hope also included some things of her own, pages of her old journal from when she was pregnant with Maura, a couple from when she was grieving, and articles or pretty much anything she could find about from when Maura was already an adult.

At that point Maura was weeping, overcome with emotions. Believing it would do no good to wait for her to stop, because she knew the last gift would be as emotionally charged, if not more, than the other two had been, Hope finally spoke again.

“I know he’s done a lot of bad, unforgivable things. But, as I said before, I was lucky to know a different side of him. Although this comes from that side, it was cruel of him to draw this for me, knowing what he planned on doing to you, what he did to us, but it was the only moment I got to experience that,” she pointed to the drawn image “and I prefer to hold to that memory instead of everything that happened after it.”

In her hands, Maura firmly held a framed drawing of Hope holding a baby in her arms. Holding her. And if Maura wasn’t spilling any tears so far, she sure would’ve started by now. Different, opposite feelings overcame her. Grief for had been denied this relationship, this life, gratitude for being able to actually live this moment right now. Pain and love.

She got dizzy and a mild headache, not really imagining the day would take this turn.

Both women didn’t speak for a long while, but when Maura’s breathing finally seemed to go back to its normal state, and her vision wasn’t blurry anymore, she looked at Hope with affection.

“May I hug you?” the older doctor asked, getting a soft nod in return. She then put her arms around her daughter and there they stayed, until she was ready to let go. After that, Hope asked if Maura had any plans and would accept having lunch with her, “Your place of choice, even if all you want for lunch is ice cream. Let me spoil you for once.” Which made Maura laugh.

“No, no, I have not such desire. But whenever I feel emotionally drained nowadays, a good burger and a beer tend to do the trick.” Hope looked in surprise, which made Maura blush. “Yes, this is Jane’s doing.” She confirmed. “I miss having her with me today.” And looked out the window, longing.

“Oh, and where is she at?”

“Doing this very important, unmissable training at the FBI headquarters, in Quantico. As much as she likes to complain about how the federal agents like to take over the cases from local authorities, this was an opportunity she couldn’t refuse. We have a suspicion they want to hire her for a leading position in the Violent Crimes unit at the FBI offices here in Boston.”

“That would be a great step for her career.”

“Yes. It would also mean she would be able to step back a bit from the risks she takes working for BPD, since it would probably be an ‘office’ job, running the team of agents that would go to the field. Not to mention a higher salary and other benefits, although that’s what she focuses for last when considering this possibility.”

“I imagine you will both be very happy. Not only she gets a nicer job, you won’t have to deal with the issues of moving to another city. I mean, this is such a good location, and I’m sure you put a lot of thought decorating this place.”

A phone call distracted Maura from answering Hope.

After she’d finished talking to Susie, who had mainly called to wish a happy birthday, but also to check if Maura wanted her to run more tests on the samples to feed a research database they were constructing, the honey-blonde woman excused herself to wash her face and fix her makeup before they left for lunch.

Instead of going to The Dirty Robber – which wouldn’t be the same without Jane there – Maura mentioned a place she had been curious about and trying to drag her best friend to for some time, who insistently refused arguing a burger joint shouldn’t look fancy, and a burger that costed more than 20 bucks was a robbery and people should get arrested for charging that.

Feeling vindicated – the burger was worth its price, she even took a photo of the juicy patty, sending immediately to Jane but knowing the brunette would only be able to check later in the day, possibly on the way to the airport to catch her flight back home – she took the offer Hope made earlier for ice cream. Preferring the richer, denser and more flavorful gelato over a regular ice cream, Maura took Hope to a very small place run by an Italian couple who had recently moved from San Gimignano.

“This takes me back to memories of Italy and have easily become my favorite place for gelato in the United States, thanks for sharing it with me.”

“Good to know, but I can hardly claim this was a finding of mine.”

“Jane?”

“Yes.” Maura blushed. “She always manages to find the best Italian foods in town.”

“Well, she has a great taste.” Hope winked once again in reference to Jane.

Maura considered asking if she meant something by it, but decided not to, in order to avoid any awkwardness after such a lovely time shared.

“Maura, I would like to take you somewhere now. A surprise of sorts. If you let me.”

“Uh, sure, all I considered doing this afternoon was some shopping so please, lead the way.”

They ended up at the Institute of Contemporary Art. When they reached the front steps, right before entering, Hope stopped. “This is the end of the line for me today. I had the most amazing time, Maura, and I’m so glad you allowed me be part of your special day. I can only crave now for more moments similar like this.” She hugged her daughter tightly.

“What? You’re not coming in?” Maura tilted her head in confusion.

“No honey, I would love to come back another time and check the new exhibit with you, I’m sure it will be something I’ll remember for the rest of my life. But now I have to let you go spend some time with your mom. I love you, ok?”

“What?” Maura nearly fainted when she turned around and found Constance waiting for her. “Mother!”

“Hello darling.” Constance responded, elegant as always.

“What are you doing here?!”

“There’s no better day to celebrate someone’s existence than their birthday, don’t you agree?” Maura was perplexed; once again she didn’t know how to express with words what she was feeling, so she simply nodded and briefly hugged her mother after cheek-kissing her both sides. “Joyeux anniversaire, ma chéri. Come, there’s something I would like you to be the first see.”

Instead of walking around to appreciate the artworks around the museum, Constance took Maura straight to one of the rooms dedicated to temporary exhibitions. Its entrance blocked by a dark curtain, and ‘do not enter’ and ‘future exhibition: Constance Isles – PROUD’ signs.

Upon entering, Maura remained speechless, immediately recognizing elements of her mother’s installment. PROUD was Maura transposed into art work. The side walls held conceptual black and white photos of places, moments, objects and foods Maura loved, and the pedestal scattered around the room held medium sculptures that represented things like medicine, knowledge, kindness and compassion. In the center of the room a glass dome protected some belongings of hers from different moments of her life. She was slightly puzzled by how her mother came to possess some of the things she owned in adulthood only, but after considering for a moment, there was only one person with access to her belongings who could’ve helped Constance.

Even miles away Jane managed to make herself present in the most pivotal moments of her life since meeting each other.

Finally, she noticed the opposite wall to the entrance hang a somewhat abstract painting of herself. Feeling overwhelmed for the third time in the day, Maura turned to her mother, both women eyes full of unshed tears “I don’t know what to say… Je t'aime, maman.”

“Je t'aime aussi, ma petite grenouille.”

“You haven’t called me that in a long time…” Maura smiled.

“Well, you haven’t dissected frogs in a while, I imagine.”

They stood still, looking around the room for some time, until Maura’s phone chimed with a message. She hoped it was from Jane, excited to share all about her day with the brunette, but it was a message from Daniel instead:

‘Hello gorgeous, I hope you’re having fun. I’ll pick you up at 6:30, I hope you’ll be hungry, we have a feast waiting for us. Happy birthday!’

Checking the hour to make sure she would have enough time to go back home to get ready, she asked Constance if she would consider a cup of tea over some petits fours before they parted.

After having a delightful afternoon with her mother, something Maura had dreamt of for most of her life, they were saying their farewells at the Ritz when Constance informed she would have to leave the town for a few days, having been invited to be a guest lecturer at Yale, but she would be back for the vernissage, that already had not only Maura and Jane’s names, but the Rizzoli’s and the Martin’s as well, and if Maura would like to include anyone else’s she would be glad to add to the private guests list.

“Oh, and I shan’t forget! Come with me for a second, please.” When they reached the front desk, Constance asked for something and after a while was given a couple of items that were in the main hotel’s safe. “Your father sent you this, along with wishes for a happy birthday,” she was given something that looked like a small booklet, neatly wrapped in black silky paper “this is from me,” the older woman stated presenting Maura with a velvet box that most likely contained jewelry “and finally, I had been asked to give you this as well.” She finalized by passing the final gift.

Starting by unwrapping the booklet, she found an old journal written by her father.

“When you were growing up, and he was more present, he wrote a journal detailing your daily findings and learnings that amused him. I imagine this is it.” Constance shared.

The velvet jewelry box was next, accommodating a delicate bracelet Maura recognized.

“I know you don’t have many memories of my mother, but your grandmother was very infatuated with you from the moment she laid eyes on your pink cheeks, and you likewise. As a baby you were entranced by this bracelet of hers, and always tried to grab it, to the point it broke eventually. I had it re-done to fit you.”

“C'est adorable, maman, je ne pouvais pas rêver d'un cadeau plus précieux.” She squeezed Constance arm in affection. “And this last one?” Constance shook her head, making clear she wasn’t going to share, a barely-there smirk in her lips.

Upon opening, she immediately started to laugh. The small cube was home to one single foam peanut. Constance found it odd, clearly expecting something else, grander, so Maura explained:

“A few months ago, Jane decided to donate some old things; mostly books she wasn’t going to read anymore, but there were a couple of fragile objects. When I was about to go to her condo and help out, she called me asking for peanuts because her brothers were there to help and she needed something to protect her things. Due an interference on the call, I didn’t hear the part she mentioned she needed to ‘protect her food, because Tommy and Frankie were eating all they could find’, so I showed up with two big sacks of packing peanuts instead. We had a big laugh, made up some silly games, and even made a bet that the loser would have to get a peanut tattoo – which she didn’t abide to.” She sighed, completely joyful.

Seeing the happiness that memory granted Maura, Constance didn’t have the heart to say anything that could dampen the mood.

“Maman, I must get going. I adored our time together, both this gift” she lifted the bracelet already at home in her wrist “and the one you put together for the exhibition. I can’t wait for the vernissage. Have a nice stay in New Haven, je t'aime.” They hugged and parted ways.

On the taxi back to her house, she opened the box again and was looking at the single packing peanut with fondness, when she noticed the inside was shallower than it should. That’s when she found out she could lift the false bottom, that created a compartment for another gift: besides Jane’s trademark scent, that’s been chasing her all day long, a printed photo of a tattooed peanut shell. She couldn’t tell for sure if it was on Jane’s body, but knowing her friend, she believed it could be. And now she was curious about where said tattoo was hidden, since they had their fair share of undressing in front of one another. She paid the driver and open her front door, entirely distracted.

“SURPRISE!” was shouted.

Waiting for her were Tommy with Lydia and T.J., Frankie, Nina, Susie and Korsak, each bearing a gift. Immediately after, Angela showed up with a cake so they could sing happy birthday.

Korsak gave her a nice Bordeaux, Nina and Susie joined forces deciding on a spa gift certificate, Frankie presented her with a small bottle of her favorite perfume and Tommy held a new hand-carved set of chess.

“Since T.J. managed to disappear with the queens on your old chess set, I hope this can replace it.” he said.

Maura hugged and thanked them all, while they quickly devoured the cake, seeing it was the middle of the day and both the homicide squad and Susie would have to go back to BPD.

“Maura, Janie really wanted to be here today. I know you don’t know this, but she had planned on surprising you by being here after your meetings with your moms. Her flight was supposed to leave Washington D.C. after lunch, but they were hit by this crazy storm and everything got delayed. Last time she texted me she said her phone’s battery was about to die and her charger stopped working. I’m just telling you this because you kept looking at the door every time you heard a car stop out there, as if you were waiting for her to come in. I guess I just don’t want you to be sad she isn’t, you know?” Frankie had discreetly pulled her to the side to say.

“Thank you so much for telling me this, Frankie. Yes, I would have loved if she could be here today, but I understand. I mean, in my mind she was only supposed to back tomorrow, so I didn’t even notice I was looking at the door like that. Just a silly hope, I guess.”

“Come on everybody, out we go!” Angela interrupted. “I’m sure you have to go back to your jobs, and Maura here has a date in a few, so let’s get moving and give the girl some privacy.”

“Oh, no, Angela, you don’t have to leave on my account.” Maura said at the same time Frankie asked “Where was this privacy-giving mother when we were growing up? Actually, scratch that, because she doesn’t even respect our privacy nowadays.”, which earned him a soft slap to the side of his head by his mother, making everybody laugh.

She still had a few minutes left before meeting Daniel when she went downstairs. She immediately decided to check her new chess set more in depth when Tommy re-entered the main house.

“Hey Maur, sorry for coming back I promise I won’t take long, but I think we left T.J.’s sippy cup in here, and I thought you would be gone.” He started looking for it.

“Don’t apologize, it’s not an inconvenience.” She answered. “I’m sorry for not staying, I would love to trounce you in a game.” Maura bantered, pointing to the chess board.

“You wish! If I remember right, I’m only one game behind.” He said from under the dinner table, where he finally spotted the sippy cup.

“Tommy, did you have to place a special order for this extra pair of queens on this set?” She was inspecting the pieces more closely, completely thunderstruck by the beauty of the tokens in her hands, only noticing now the couple of extra ones.

“Just wanted to be on the safe side in case T.J. went through it again, but uhhh… I didn’t have to order because I was the one who made this.”

“What?!” she turned so fast to face him she almost fell to the ground.

“Actually, it was me and Jane. I did the board, the polishing and varnishing, and she did the pieces. But she doesn’t know about the extra queens, I just tried my best to replicate hers.”

“Tommy, this is exquisite! I didn’t know you could carve! I didn’t even know Jane could carve.”

“Yeah, learned from Janie… she’s always been good with these artsy hands-on stuff, ya’ know? Picked up from our nonni, they always managed to teach her something. She doesn’t do much anymore, not enough time.”

“I don’t know what to say, this is…” it got to a point if Maura wasn’t as rational as she was, she would’ve thought she was hallucinating all this, the whole day.

“Yeah, I know. All Janie… Did you know-” he shook his head, rethinking what he wanted to say “have you ever played a game with another queen?”

“Actually, yes. I have done it once or twice way back in the past.” She answered innocently.

He knew she didn’t understand his real question, so he tried another way. “Look, Maura, one thing about my sister? I know, hmm- I know Janie may look attached to the idea of the traditional way of playing… heck, I think she had probably only played one way…” he muttered “and one time or another, she would get kinda fixated on one opponent, ya’ know? Because that’s all she’s known, or maybe because she wouldn’t think others would accept if she wanted to play it differently, but… I’m sure with the right person, she wouldn’t be opposed to trying, ya’ know, playing with two queens.” Tommy blushed.

Maura tilted her head to the side, confused by Tommy’s impromptu discourse, but before the blonde woman could really digest all the younger man was saying, her doorbell rang, signalizing Daniel’s arrival. “I- I must go.” She flinched, hating not having enough time to think about all that’s happened since the day began.

“Don’t fret, enjoy your dinner. Happy birthday, Maur.” Tommy waved already opening the side door to go back to the guesthouse, where Angela had dinner waiting.

Daniel had been a perfect company the whole evening. He brought flowers and a nice bottle of wine, opened doors, asked Maura about her day, tried to engage her in discussing interesting things, and even managed to convince Menton’s head chef to develop a unique tasting menu just for that occasion. But all Maura thought about was Jane and what Tommy had said. She replayed all the events of the day, and considered how much Jane was part of. Not to mention she still have the encrypted stripes card the brunette left with her gift and the braille message to unravel.

“What did you think of this dinner? I am particularly ravished by the fois gras torchon and persimmon paired with the Riesling!” He was driving them back to his place, since she did not answer where she preferred to spend the night; he had a nice bottle of champagne chilling, waiting for them. “I mean, it was a much more appropriate dinner option for this occasion than what Jane suggested.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Maura came back from her thoughts as soon as she heard Jane’s name.

“Oh, I’m sorry if I crossed any lines, but I couldn’t remember if you had any food allergies to let the chef know, so I got in touch with her to ask. She had actually suggested this quaint little restaurant that I wouldn’t mind going to if this wasn’t a special occasion.” He parked and got out to circle the car and open the door for her.

“Le Casserole.” That’s all she said, not getting out of the car.

“Yes, that one exactly! Do you go there often? I mean, I stopped by, checked their menu, the ambiance and, although it did look charming, tonight needed something big, don’t you agree? He offered his hand now, not understanding why she hasn’t got out of the car yet.

Maura started to hyperventilate and Daniel got worried, not knowing what happened just right now. He managed to grab a bottle of water from the center console fridge in his car and kept holding her hand until she calmed down. By the time her breathing went back to normal, he re-entered his car and drove them to Maura’s place, no questions asked. When they got there, guilt hit her like a truck. She honestly wasn’t playing him, leading him on, and as much as they both were aware this was not a serious relationship yet, she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But she also knew he wasn’t what she wanted.

He led her to her front door and waited for her to open. “Daniel, I-”

“It’s Jane, isn’t it?” he interrupted.

“It’s… it’s actually the small things. It’s fudge clusters and packing peanuts and… crosswords. (Crosswords!)” She answered knowing he wouldn’t understand the meaning behind these simple things, but felt like she shouldn’t have to explain either. “It’s the fact she knew I would’ve preferred Le Casserole tonight, as opposed to preferring Menton like I would every other one.”

“I get it. I mean, whenever you mention her, your eyes… you don’t know how beautiful and serene you look when you talk about her. Your eyes shine in adoration.”

Maura remained quiet, not knowing what else to say.

“Look, we both know we weren’t harboring deep feelings towards each other. I find you a tremendous woman. Really, there’s possibly no one like you out there. And sure, if we had spent more time together things could’ve become more serious, feelings could’ve evolved. But I’ve had my fair share of living and I can say I’ve been lucky to have felt a love as magnificent as you feel for her. I’m glad I got to know you, and I’m thankful for the time we spent together, it was a lot of fun, but we both know this is it. Go be happy, Maura. You deserve the world, and she clearly will give it to you, willingly. She already has.” He kissed her cheek, prompt her in, making sure she was safe inside, and left.

She rested her back against the door, dizzy. Today of all days… was it really just today she realized how much she loved and was loved by her best friend? Was she really that blind to her own feelings, or did she simply refused to see what was right in front of her all this time in fear of losing the most important person in her life in case it was one-sided?

But first things first: she needed to know what both the striped card and braille message said. For the first she had an idea on how to solve, eyes now open, but for the second she would need help. She picked up her phone and dialed Nina.

“Hello Nina, how are you? (answer) Yes, thank you, it was lovely. I was wondering if you could help me with something? (answer) Perfect! I need to transcribe something from braille, would you be able to do that? (answer) That easy? Great! I’ll stop by to drop the paper, would that be ok? (answer) And if you could, text me or email me back as soon as possible? (answer) Thank you so much. (answer) Yeah, you too. Bye.”

Feeling more confident she would have all the answers she needed, she went up the stairs straight to get what she needed from her nightstand and returned to the ground floor in search of that morning’s paper, relieved she’d forgotten to dispose in the recyclables. She grabbed her keys, put her coat back on, and headed out with one destination in mind.

After dropping the braille-written card at Nina’s, not surprised by seeing Frankie chilling in the living room, she went to Jane’s condo. Letting herself in with her own keys, she took of her shoes, hung the coat in the small closet to the left of the entrance door and looked around, taking in all that was perfectly Jane.

Baseball memorabilia shrine, a few scattered plants who had seen better days but somehow kept going strong, a couple of manila folders sitting on the side table Maura would be willing to bet were filled with cold case documents Jane most certainly didn’t ask for permission for taking home, a few pictures – one of them of Maura – a pair of socks tucked in the tight gap that separated the couch seats from its back and, finally, a neatly wrapped rectangular box on the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen area.

Boldly making the choice to unwrap it, sure whatever it was, it was destined for her, she felt her eyes fill with tears as soon as she saw her old wooden music box, the one that got broken when moving back from France and had been told it was ‘irreparable’ but never had the courage to get rid of, restored.

That box was the living memory of the one good friend she had made as a child: a lanky, funny, sweet and kind girl with whom she had ballet lessons before she went to boarding school. As a gift for parting ways, she was given the music box that displayed a spinning ballerina when open.

The card that had been attached to it, unmistakably read, no enigmas this time:

‘All can be fixed when love is the tool.

Happy birthday, Maur.

Love, Jane.’

She took the box with her and moved to Jane’s bedroom. Bed made with freshly clean sheets thanks to Angela who had stopped by when Jane went to Quantico, knowing her daughter would leave a mess behind, she laid her head on her pillow that still faintly smelled like Jane’s shampoo – coconut and ginger – when she saw the email Nina had sent a few minutes ago.

‘Rimani! Riposati accanto a me.

Non te ne andare.

Io ti veglierò. Io ti proteggerò.

Ti pentirai di tutto fuorchè d’essere venuto a me, liberamente, fieramente.

Ti amo. Non ho nessun pensiero che non sia tuo;

non ho nel sangue nessun desiderio che non sia per te.

Lo sai. Non vedo nella mia vita altro compagno, non vedo altra gioia.

Rimani.

Riposati. Non temere di nulla.

Dormi stanotte sul mio cuore…’

She might not know braille yet, but Italian she could read.

She fell asleep right after, hugging the music box, peacefully.

Fingertips tenderly moved in her hair, massaging her scalp, brought her back from dreams of lavender fields and sunshine.

“Hey Maur, I didn’t want to wake you up, but I also didn’t want to startle you if you heard any noises, ok? Go back to sleep, I’ll just take a shower.”

“Jane?” the doctor asked confused, not knowing if she was dreaming or awake.

“Yeah, hi sweetie, I just got here, you can go back to sleep, I’ll shower before getting in bed.”

“You’re back.” The honey-blonde woman sat up, recovering her senses, rubbing her eyes.

“No, no, don’t get up, I imagine you must be exhausted if you were willing to sleep in your dress. I’ll be back in a few, ok?” Jane said, already moving towards her bathroom.

“Stay. Please.” She pleaded, low voice signaling how fragile this situation was.

Jane sighed. She really wasn’t expecting to find Maura in her bed tonight and wasn’t sure if she wanted to face whatever Maura had to say. She sat down by her best friend’s side. “Maur, don’t get me wrong because I love when you come over, but what are you doing here? I thought you would be at home resting after, you know, celebrating with Daniel.” Jane blushed and grimaced to the idea of the other woman sharing a bed with someone else.

The blonde remained quiet, deeply looking into Jane’s eyes. “I found your present.” She simply stated, still holding the now closed music box.

“Yeah, I can see that. You know you were supposed to wait for me to actually give it to you, right?” the brunette kept her tone as soft as possible, murmuring in this intoxicatingly charming tone. “That’s usually how gifts work.” The detective joked, trying to bring some humor to the charged atmosphere, like she often did whenever she was feeling vulnerable.

Maura kept looking at her, not saying a word. Studying the brunette’s features, trying to dive into her soul.

After a while, Jane’s anxiety won. “Ooooookay. So, I’m gonna take a quick shower, wash this airplane out of me. Tomorrow you can tell me all about your day and why you’re in my bed instead of your own.”

“I got your gift.”

“Honey, you must be really tired, we already talked about this. Go back to sleep, I’ll join you in a few.” She kissed Maura’s hair and got up to run towards the shower because she felt like staying wouldn’t be the safest option for her heart.

“Jane?” The brunette kept her back to Maura, frozen in place, hand tightly holding to the bathroom door handle. “Rimani.” Nothing was said, and the taller woman could feel her heartbeat rate spike, feeling like deafening drums in her ears.

Finally getting up and softly walking the few steps that separated them, Maura pressed her front against Jane’s back, arms enveloping the taller woman’s waist in an intense embrace, breathing in the scent that haunted and completed her the whole day, nuzzling long curls and whispered “Non temere di nulla.”

Slightly shaking, the brunette turned around to let herself be consumed by Maura. Anything she asked, was hers. “Maur…” Jane momentarily closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in fear it would all go away if she did the wrong thing. When the taller woman opened her eyes, they deeply looked into each other’s and, instead of waiting for the other to make the first move, both pounced at the same time, hitting heads and teeth.

“Ouch!” “My head!” were spoken at the same time, both bringing hands to rub where the hit hurt, laughing.

Deciding to avoid the same issue again, Jane brought her right hand to Maura’s left, and with her left she touched the side of the blonde’s face, her thumb first rubbing pale cheeks in a circular movement, then moving to rub pink lips, as if asking for permission, which was granted by the softest of bites from the other woman.

Lips met first in careful curiosity, but desire overtook quickly, giving way to a frenzied exploration of tastes and textures. Small moans could be heard over suckling sounds, pink tongues diving to feast on sweet elixirs. Jane could feel Maura’s heart pounding underneath her skin, which made her feel electric all over.

When hands wanted to roam, the brunette decided to put a stop before they took things too far; they needed to talk before anything else could happen. Maura’s lips tried to chase the brunette ones, but she was denied the source of her desire when Jane chose to kiss the corner of her mouth, then her neck and took a deep breath in contentment, tightly embracing the shorter woman.

“Look-” she looked at green-hazel eyes and cleared her throat “we- hmmm… we need to talk, don’t you think? And I- hmmm… I’m not sure I would survive if you decide this – whatever this is – is a mistake.” And immediately pressed her forefinger to Maura’s lips to bar her arguments. “So, what I’m gonna do is: I’m gonna take a shower because I really need one after spending so many hours at the airport, and being completely honest here, because I need to cool down a little. Ok? And I hope you’ll still be willing to talk when I get out. Or, you know, if you’re tired, we can talk tomorrow morning.”

“Or I can join you? I’m in need of a shower myself.” Maura tried, making Jane chuckle.

“You’re gonna make me lose my resolve, baby.” She accidently let slip the term of endearment she’d always secretly wanted to call Maura, and got a pretty smile in response to it.

“Yeah?”

“No.” Jane laughed. “But you got close. That’s why I’ll quickly go in and-” she speedily entered her bathroom “lock the door.” She finished.

Maura really considered waiting naked for Jane, but she knew it wouldn’t be fair to the both of them. She soberly got out of her dress into one of Jane’s soft old BPD t-shirts, opting for not wearing anything over her dark blue lace hipster panties.

She was almost asleep when she felt soft but strong arms circle her waist from behind, pulling her closer, fitting perfectly in cuddle. They stayed like that for a while, just basking in each other’s existence.

Maura broke the trance. “Since when?”

Jane’s breath hitched in her throat before she spoke lowly directly over Maura’s exposed ear. “Does it matter? Since forever, I guess. I really don’t know. Do you?”

“I uh… no I don’t. I’ve always felt this pull towards you, but I never really stopped to consider it could’ve been something other than affection, something deeper.”

Maura turned in Jane’s arms to look at her beautiful features.

“Okay, I have an easier one, then. Today, how much of it was you?”

Jane blushed, glad Maura wasn’t able to see it thanks to the mostly dark room, except for the low light lamp. “Uhhh… how much have you figured out?”

“So all of it, then?” Maura snickered.

“Not all of it… in some cases it was just a suggestion, a consultancy service of sorts.”

“Jane, please? Tell me.”

“I mean, there’s not much to tell. I saw you had figured out the striped card and crossword combo that said M, Happy Birthday, I Love You, J. Getting in touch with the Globe editor and ask for this favor was somewhat easy. The poem too, I knew what I wanted to do, so I just hired someone to emboss the card. Your moms… it was really just planting some seeds and a lot of talk. Everyone else it was a simple hint here and there. The hardest part was not being here.”

“How about the vase and the flowers? Now I blame myself for not looking into their meanings… not to mention the chess set AND my music box.”

“Maur…"

“Come on, baby, please?”

“Baby, huh? Okay, okay. I ordered the vase and asked for it to be inspired by that painting you love, The Kiss, by Klimt. The flowers mostly meant I love you, or some variation of it. Not sure if you paid attention to the one gardenia in the middle. That one symbolizes secret love. The chess board I imagine blabbermouth-Tommy already spilled the beans I know how to carve, right? And the music box… can I say it was just magic?”

“You know I can’t possibly-”

“Shhhhh.” Jane hushed her with a kiss, making her melt.

“Ok, ok… Jane? The peanut tattoo?”

“Wanna find out?” Jane teased and finally sealed their fate in a kiss.

*For the poem, I was sure on a sonnet that I love since I was a teenager by Luís Vaz de Camões, but it felt more on brand to include one from an Italian author, in this case from the poem Rimani, by Gabriele D’Annunzio. Here's the translation:

“Stay! Rest beside me.

Do not go.

I will watch you. I will protect you.

You'll regret anything but coming to me, freely, proudly.

I love you. I do not have any thought that is not yours;

I have no desire in the blood that is not for you.

You know. I do not see in my life another companion, I see no other joy

Stay.

Rest. Do not be afraid of anything.

Sleep tonight on my heart…”