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Shikamaru was worried about Asuma. Ever since Tsunade-sama informed them of the Akatsuki’s movement and the death of Asuma-sensei's friend and comrade from his time in the twelve guardian ninja, Chiriku, his Sensei was acting strange...

Shikamaru knew himself well. If Choji were killed, he would do anything in his power to avenge his best friend. More worryingly, he might even risk his own life to kill whoever did it.

And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they were preparing to fight a member of Akatsuki. A dangerous organisation full of S-rank missing-nin who are hunting Jinchuriki and apparently anyone with big bounties. Meaning that Asuma-sensei was likely a target even before his attempt at revenge

Troublesome.

Nevertheless, Shikamaru takes his position on the roof above the bounty office and waits for an opportunity to use his shadow jutsu. To assist Asuma however he can.

The fight starts and ends quickly and anticlimactically. Amidst some thrown weapons, Shikamaru catches the Akatsuki member in his Shadow Possession with a muttered “Too late.” Maybe it won’t be as exhausting as he feared.

Like they planned, both Izumo and Kotetsu pierce the enemy's vitals from both sides to make sure they kill him without a doubt.

Only, it seems, that is not the end of this fight. The guy, somehow still alive, grunts and complains loudly: “That hurts… What’s with you jerks?”

“Don’t push it in deeper like that! Hey, that hurts!” He shouts. Like he hasn’t realised that he should be dead by now and not just hurt.

Shikamaru can faintly hear Izumo’s disbelief in his words and can only agree that this guy seems to be immortal. Or somewhat close to it. Regardless, there must be a way to kill him. He just needs to find out how.

“Isn’t it obvious? So… Who’re you guys?” as soon as the immortal looks at Asuma once more, he seems to realise the answer to his own question. “That mark. If I remember correctly, it’s from the Guardian ninja or something. Are you kidding me?” He groans. “Do I have to go back inside that smelly Collection office again?”

Nevermind. He’s an idiot no matter how strong and seemingly impossible to kill he seems to be.

“We’re Konoha shinobi.” Asuma introduces them. Shikamaru would rather they kill him or at least neutralise him before talking. The second member might appear at any time after all. “We’ve been ordered to either capture or eliminate you, Akatsuki. We know that Akatsuki operate in pairs. We intended to kill one and capture the other. But you’re pretty tough, as was expected.”

Shikamaru suspects that no matter how moronic this guy acts, his abilities are on par with the other Akatsuki members; therefore, Shikamaru's Shadow Jutsu might…

Before he can even finish formulating his thoughts, he senses danger from behind him and instinctively lets go of the shadow in favour of getting away.

Whatever the first guy meant by saying that they went about killing them in the wrong order, this enemy is fast and physically incredibly strong.

Asuma-sensei jumps in to protect Shikamaru from the one chasing him and Shikamaru gets a first actual look. This one is also dressed in Akatsuki robes. But unlike their first opponent, most of his body is covered. Only his eyes and a little skin around the eyes can be seen.

Following Asuma’s order, Izumo and Kotetsu retreat and get into formation around them. Shikamaru reassesses their chances and realises that even having a four-man squad might not be enough for what they want to achieve. They will be lucky if they all return to Konoha alive.

“Sure enough, the guy in the middle...” The second Akatsuki member answers his partner. “This is a first, you being interested in money, Hidan.”

Readying his strange scythe, the immortal—Hidan—speaks up. “Kakuzu… You stay out of this. I’m going to use these guys for my ritual. I’ll give you the money.”

So maybe it’s not the Akatsuki interested in collecting bounties, just this one member.

Instead of attacking like anyone else would—or even preparing for the fight that will start very soon, Hidan moves his legs through his own blood splattered on the ground.

“I’ll charge him. Shikamaru, exploit any opening you notice and restrain the immortal guy with your Shadow Stitching.” Shikamaru follows Hidan’s movements while listening to his sensei's plan. He appears to be drawing some kind of symbol on the ground beneath him. “It doesn’t have to be for long. Just enough for me to cut off his head.”

Milling this strategy over Shikamaru decides, “That’s too risky. This isn’t like you.” He would feel better if Kotetsu joined Asuma like he offered but logically, Shikamaru knows that doing so would be just as bad.

“Don’t you get it? That’s the best thing we can do right now!” Asuma-sensei hissed, and Shikamaru is reminded of how worried he was (still is) about his sensei’s mental stability. “These guys are way stronger than me,” Asuma admits. Shikamaru has to concede to that. Asuma is strong. One of the best in Konoha. But not enough to take down both of their opponents. “Izumo, Kotetsu, you guys back up Shikamaru while keeping an eye on the other guy.”

“Knowing what they can do, there’s all the more reason to retreat and plan something properly,” Izumo argues. Shikamaru is inclined to agree, although Asuma-sensei is also not wrong in saying otherwise.

Seeing his team's hesitance, Asuma adds, “They won’t let us get away that easily. If we try to escape without fighting, we’ll be completely wiped out… If that happens, Konoha will be in even greater danger. Think about it like sending an advanced unit to break through enemy lines. Sometimes you must be prepared to make such a move.”

Shikamaru is thrown back into their many shogi matches and Asuma’s words back then despite their mutual distaste for sacrificing pieces. ‘Sacrifice is required in order to protect the King when your opponent is extremely skilled.’ He knows exactly what his sensei intends to do.

Despite rationally understanding that they don’t stand much of a chance against an unknown strong opponent fighting alongside an immortal, Shikamaru still finds it hard to believe that Asuma would use himself as a sacrificial piece like that.

Once again, remembering one of the first shogi matches, Shikamaru recalls Asuma-sensei’s dislike of the Climbing Silver move and his own promises to find a way to win without it. Without throwing away an advanced piece—a comrade’s life—for an enemy to take out simply to win some rounds.

No matter how desperately Shikamaru tries now, no better options come to him. Unless their backup shows up sooner or another strong Konoha team happens to be in the vicinity and decides to assist them this might be their only successful move.

Not to mention that even Asuma believes the enemy to be too powerful. Chunin, like him or Izumo or Kotetsu, can’t even put much pressure on the enemy. More likely, they would put extra strain on his sensei if he had to protect them while fighting such strong adversaries.

‘Think, Shikamaru, think. What’s the best move to make? They are undoubtedly major pieces, Jonin level at the very least. Bait is necessary to capture a major piece. We need bait big enough to interest them. Chunin aren’t good enough for that. If we have to fight with the pieces we currently have available to us...’

“The Climbing Silver doesn’t suit you.” He informs his teacher.

“I won’t be a mere sacrificial piece. I’ve got you with me, after all,” Asuma replies, and pride rises to the surface knowing how much faith his sensei has in him.

It is soon overshadowed by despair. He feels pathetic because he can’t help even if Asuma-sensei believes he can. Shikamaru isn’t good enough, strong enough, dangerous enough to be bait. Neither is he able to pressure the enemy like a proper and good backup should.

No matter what, Shikamaru vows to do everything to inconvenience them like crazy. Hopefully, that will be enough.

“Are you done with your little strategy session?” asks Hidan, having given them more time to plan than enemies usually do. Likely he was just that confident in his abilities, and frankly, he might be correct. “Getting cut up like that hurts like heck, you bastards.” He pulls one sword out of where they are still embedded inside him, then the other. “Divine justice will be handed to you jerks who know nothing of the pain of others.”

Team Asuma adjusts their stances for whatever will happen next.

Asuma and Hidan rush at each other while Shikamaru sends his shadow after the immortal. No matter how outmatched he is, at least he can give his sensei an advantage in this.

He manages to get really close to catching Hidan a few times before the guy actually throws his scythe at Asuma, who barely avoids it.

Frustration bubbles up in Shikamaru. If only he trained more, maybe he would be more helpful. Disheartened, Shikamaru courses, “Damn it! Reach!” as his shadow misses Hidan once more.

Asuma is clearly just as frustrated. “I’ll break you over and over again.”

“Damn it.” While Shikamaru is definitely giving his sensei an edge, it’s pointless unless he can actually catch Hidan. The guy is immortal, while Team Asuma has a limited supply of chakra and their lives.

Changing tactics, Hidan aims his scythe at Asuma when the man is standing between his team and the Akatsuki member. If Asuma-sensei dodges, the weapon will go straight at Shikamaru, who can’t move while using his clan techniques.

Asuma, in answer, changes his tactics as well. He firms his stance while moving his arms into unfamiliar positions. Shikamaru can feel his chakra flare and sees it manifest into a figure engulfing Asuma-sensei and protecting them by deflecting the scythe and jabbing Hidan, making him fly backwards.

“How’s Chiriku’s Jutsu? Naturally, Chiriku’s is more impressive than mine.” ‘Was,’ Shikamaru corrects in his mind.

Kakuzu gives his partner a warning not to underestimate them, but it only leads the two into arguing. Shikamaru tries to catch him off guard, but clearly, Hidan isn’t that stupid.

“You almost got him, Shikamaru.” Kotetsu encourages.

“More importantly… Could you back me up?” Shikamaru asks, sending a meaningful glance towards Kakuzu. He’s been staying out of the fight so far, but they shouldn’t let their guards down. Even if he’s letting his partner fight alone, he could change his mind any minute, and then they’d be in even more trouble.

“You guys are too desperate.” Hidan shouts, “Heathens always try to escape death... ” Shikamaru tones out his rants in order to manoeuvre him into place for his team members to corner the immortal.

Hidan, in turn, takes the most illogical move and allows himself to be hit, presumably hoping to even the playing field he charges at the three Chunin.

It turns out to be a ploy to catch Asuma off guard. He somewhat succeeds, resulting in one of Hidan’s scythe blades embedding into Asuma’s cheek. The wound is not deep, but it is a wound nonetheless.

Seeing as their tactics up till now weren’t working, Asuma-sensei decides to use ‘Burning Ash’ Jutsu. He makes quick hand signs and blows out a massive cloud of flammable gas.

Once again, Hidan proves to be crazy. Instead of retreating, he licks Asuma’s blood off the scythe and runs into the gas just before Shikamaru’s sensei ignites it causing an explosion.

Silence rings as the smoke dissipates, leaving a crouching Hidan in the middle of his drawn circle. He seems mostly unharmed, although his skin is now black with strange white markings. The change is like nothing Shikamaru’s ever seen.

“It hurts, doesn’t it? Well?” the immortal bellows.

Everyone's attention is on Asuma as one of his trench knives falls to the ground with a clatter. His right hand and the right side of his face are red as if burnt. Asuma-sensei clutches his injured arm. It probably means that the entire arm is injured, not just the hand.

“The judgement has been handed down.” Hidan’s words send shivers down Shikamaru’s spine. Whatever is happening is only getting worse. “How about it? Has this helped you understand the pain that other people feel, even a little bit? You have already fallen under my curse. The ceremony will now begin!” he hollers. “Well, then… Why not taste the ultimate pain with me?!”

Shikamaru considers everything he just heard and tries to figure out what the immortal will do next—what Shikamaru should do next even. A realisation strikes him “This… could it be that...”

As if his actions up till now weren’t enough to identify Hidan as a psychopath, his maniacal laughter leaves no doubt that he is insane at the very least. “All the preparations are now complete! It’s going to hurt like crazy, so get ready!” From an inside pocket of his half-destroyed Akatsuki cloak Hidan takes out an extendable lance and, before Asuma can reach him, plunges it into his own leg.

Without any noticeable cause, Asuma trips and falls face-first into the ground. Shikamaru is beginning to hate this day.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?! But this is nothing. I haven’t got you in any vital spot yet! Believe me, THAT pain is out of this world. The pain another feels while dying penetrates my own body! I pass through the pain, transcend it, and turn it into pleasure!”

The glee radiating from the immortal makes Shikamaru want to puke. Nevertheless, he concentrates on how all of Hidan’s wounds seem to be transferred onto Asuma-sensei. There has to be a way to disrupt the connection.

“Where would you like to hurt next? Hm? Here?” Hidan directs the tip of his lance towards his left arm, “Or here!” pointing lower, to his wrist. “How about both legs at the same time?!” He indicates the spot. “Or...” And Shikamaru can feel his blood run cold at where this is going. He can’t let this continue. Izumo catches on and exclaims that he should only stop Hidan’s movements without physically injuring him. As if Shikamaru hasn’t figured out as much himself. No. Instead of that, Shikamaru must figure out how to stop this.

“Shall we end this now? How about it?”

Pushing himself beyond anything he can ever remember doing, Shikamaru begs whatever gods might be listening: ‘Better make it in time! Please let me make it in time!’

“Die!” Hidan shouts and Shikamaru puts even more effort into his jutsu.

“Do you think I’d let that happen?”

Relief hits him all at once.

He did it!

“This won’t stop me for long.” Hidan threatens, and Shikamaru can feel how true it is. Even now, he can feel the immortal struggle against his Shadow Possession.

With effort, Shikamaru uses his Shadow-Neck Binding Technique to move Hidan’s arm just so the weapon is no longer directed at any vital spot.

From Izumo’s and Kotetsu’s quiet exchange of words, Shikamaru knows that they still need to stall for at least twenty more minutes for the backup to arrive—which is bad because he might not have enough chakra for that. And besides, his jutsu won’t last that long either way.

Meanwhile, Shikamaru must figure out how to break whatever jutsu Hidan is using. For that, he needs to calm down and analyse everything he knows about his opponent.

Evidently, this wasn’t the worst that could happen to them because, at that moment, Kakuzu spoke up, interrupting Hidan. “If this takes any longer, I’ll lend you a hand. We can’t let the money get away.”

“I told you to butt out, Kakuzu! I can handle this…!” Seeing as their luck was still somewhat holding, Shikamaru desperately racked his brain for a solution before Kakuzu lost his patience.

Searching through his memories, he recalls wondering about Akatsuki members and their powers. At that point, it was pointless to speculate how to fight them. He only knew the identities of a few members. Besides, Asuma had insisted on depending on his comrades in case he ever had to fight Akatsuki.

“Then do something before your comrades can be killed.” He had said to Shikamaru’s insistence that things simply ‘working out’ wasn’t enough.

Now there is no other option but to make it work out somehow. He must find a way to get his entire team out alive and preferably not any more injured than they already are.

In order to come up with a solution, he has to tune everything else out and focus and reflect on everything he knows about Hidan. Remarks, personality, speech patterns… the clothes he wears… Grasp his every movement up to now—the significance of each and every action. And then the connection between them. Develop a hypothesis about his abilities that can be drawn from all these factors. All the answers he will need are within those. It’s all about observation and analysis.

‘God’s judgement will be handed down!’

Gods… Judgement…

‘You have already fallen under my curse. The ceremony will now begin!’

A curse… The ceremony…

‘With this, all preparations are complete.’

Preparations…!

That’s it! The strange drawing on the ground, Asuma’s blood, standing inside the circle, changing colour...

Now Shikamaru understands. Now Shikamaru can do something about it. Now he might even be able to save his sensei.

He must have made it obvious because Izumo promptly asks him, “Did you figure something out, Shikamaru?”

“I’m moving back, Asuma-taicho” Shikamaru ignores the question and starts inching backwards. The sooner they can test his hypothesis, the better.

After another inquiry from his current teammate, Shikamaru finally explains what he found out.

“His weapon… that huge scythe with three blades. Judging by its shape, I’d say it’s not designed to land a single fatal blow, but rather to increase his attack range. All his weapons are designed to cause damage from a distance. In other words, his tactic is to only injure his opponent and then try to deploy a lethal jutsu.”

“And by that, you mean the curse? But what’s the connection between the enemy’s wound and the curse?” Izumo asks, catching on.

“It’s blood… In order to form a link between himself and his target, he needs to find a way to incorporate that target's blood into his own body.”

“So when he was licking the blood...”

“Then if he wounds his opponent and even a little bit of blood ends up on that sickle… he can curse his enemy,” Kotetsu realised.

“After licking the blood, his body changed colour. That is a condition for invoking the curse. But that’s not all. In order to completely invoke the curse, one more condition must be met.”

Not stopping his movements, Shikamaru continues his explanation “A little while ago, that creep let Asuma’s Fire Jutsu roll right off him. He was unfazed, but he hurried back to that strange pattern drawn in the ground, remember? And once he was standing inside it, he said that the ceremony would begin. That’s when he howled that the preparations were now complete. From that, we can surmise that the set-up for his curse is only complete once he steps inside the pattern.”

Judging by Hidan’s slew of profanities, Shikamaru was right or at least on the right track to break the connection. “You talk too much.” He informs the immortal. After all, it was his big mouth that gave away all the answers to Shikamaru’s questions.

“You little brat! Why you! I’ll get you later! I’ll tear you limb from limb! I’ll pulverise you! I’ll turn you inside out!” Hidan’s cursing turns to rather an unimaginative threatening.

Not letting any of it disturb him, Shikamaru interjects. “There isn’t going to be a ‘later’! We got him out!” He directs the last sentence to his sensei, hoping that he will understand what Shikamaru is thinking.

As it turns out, Asuma does know exactly what he wanted and proves Shikamaru’s hypothesis by throwing a kunai at Hidan, aiming for a minor injury in case Shikamaru is wrong. Which, of course, he is not. Nevertheless, it is gratifying to see that Asuma-sensei is not injured and they can proceed with killing the immortal.

Despite Hidan’s last-minute plea for his partner's help, it is too late, and his head rolls to the side with his body falling moments later. Asuma stands over him, relief evident on his face.

Shikamaru feels lightheaded from how fast the adrenaline leaves him. With it gone, he realises exactly how exhausted he is. His knees can no longer hold him up, and he collapses to the ground panting. Despite the satisfaction he now feels, he reminds himself that there is still an S-rank threat close by and Team Asuma’s members are either exhausted, injured, or likely no match for the unknown strength of the remaining Akatsuki member.

“Yeah. With this, there remains...” He directs everyone else's attention to their current situation.

As if the last-minute never happened, Kakuzu calmly addresses his dead partner. “If you wanted help, you should have said so sooner.”

To Team Asuma’s horror, the immortal is truly unable to die and actually answers. ”Kakuzu… Will you bring my body…? Come on, Kakuzu-chan.” He almost begs.

Instead of following his demands, Kakuzu shunshins to where Hidan’s head landed and picks it up by the hair, earning a bout of swears and complaining.

“Wha…? Hey! Wait a minute! See here, Kakuzu! What about my body! I thought I told you to bring my body over here?”

“This is lighter.”

Shikamaru has a bad feeling that unless someone stops Kakuzu, they might have to fight Hidan all over again and this time with his partner's assistance. In which case, they are screwed. On the other hand, it seems that without the head, the body cannot move.

“That’s not the issue, now is it? Are you ignoring me? Hey! Ouch… it hurts… hey! Kakuzu, you’re pulling my hair! Stop that!”

“If you are hurting at all, it should be your neck.” Kakuzu point’s out the obvious.

“You moron! The pain in my neck isn’t a tickle. It’s excruciating! It’s more than just a simple injury. It hurts like crazy! See here! The nerve of you, cutting off my head! This is incredibly painful, you numbskull.”

Shikamaru speaks up to give his comrades some reassurance. “Even if he’s still alive, he’s useless in that condition. It appears he can't move unless he’s connected to a body. His Jutsu’s useless in that state. He might be immortal, but right now, he can’t do anything.”

No matter how much he hopes, Shikamaru has a feeling that the Akatsuki members might have a way to reattach the body to the head. And judging by their calmness in that regard, he can only hope that they cannot do that right here without any equipment. No matter how hard he hopes, it seems more and more likely that they can.

In that case, Team Asuma needs to distract and stall Kakuzu until reinforcements arrive. The problem is that they know next to nothing about him. He’s fast and can punch with extreme physical strength, likely some kind of technique.

Using his greatest strength, Shikamaru tries to speculate on what kind of opponent Kakuzu is.

He’ll be the hard-nosed kind that doesn't budge in the slightest, even if his comrades are killed. (Part of it might be the knowledge that his partner can’t be killed that easily, but there is no way he could be that calm even now if he actually cared.) A real heart of stone.

We have yet to see his true power. Or rather, his confidence may be due to the fact that he’s yet to show it. He’s likely gauging the difference in strength between himself and his opponents and calculating his advantages. In that case, he might think it’s in his best interest to convince us of having an advantage.

Seeing no way out of his fight, Shikamaru tries to stand up only to fall back on all fours, coughing. He’s used up too much chakra. There is no way he can fight again. Screw that; he can’t even stand properly anymore.

He is exhausted while Asuma is injured, even if he is trying to hide how hard it is for him to stay upright. The only good option is to retreat. And if they try, Shikamaru will only slow them down.

Asuma-sensei must be thinking along the same lines because he momentarily diverts his attention from the danger and Kakuzu takes advantage. Kicking Asuma’s injured leg, Kakuzu uses the briefcase that he was holding in one of his hands all this time to hit Asuma-sensei. Relentlessly Kakuzu jumps on Asuma’s back and rams his knee into Asuma’s back as soon as the other falls to the ground. It shouldn’t be enough to kill Asuma, but it sure as hell is enough to eliminate him from the fight for a while.

Calmly, Kakuzu walks towards Hidan’s fallen body and kneels down beside it. “Since you’ve now asked me to lend you a hand. I’m going to join in too.”

Shikamaru can see Hidan’s head being adjusted to attach correctly, and he barely has time to panic that he was right and Hidan will soon be back in the fight. They are so Screwed.

Then in a blink of an eye, someone else is standing just behind Kakuzu. Blue visible chakra light is halfway hidden by the bodies, and the sound of a thousand chirping birds gives away the technique that was just used to stop Kakuzu. An assassination technique.

Despite recognising the jutsu, Shikamaru cannot recognise the person using it. It is not Kakashi-sensei, but he is still wearing a Konoha vest indicating that he is a ninja of Konoha. The only other person that Shikamaru knows who is able to use Chidori is a traitor to the village, but the hair and the clan symbol can only belong to him.

Momentarily leaving the questions, he notices his clan’s shadow jutsu holding both Akatsuki members. Considering he is too tired to use any jutsu at the moment, he follows the shadow to see who it is. Since it is a clan technique, there is no surprise in seeing Nara features on the teenager’s face, nor the clan symbol on her clothes. What is a surprise is how familiar she looks. Shikamaru knows that he’s never seen her before, yet she looks like someone he knows. It’s frustrating that he cannot recall who she reminds him of.

Besides her stands two men he could recognize anywhere. Kakashi-sensei is standing beside and slightly behind the girl, clearly ready for battle. He looks like he always does, although Shikamaru’s intuition is telling him that something is off. On the other hand, Naruto is clearly different. To Shikamaru’s knowledge, Naruto was still a genin and training back in Konoha, so why is he wearing a vest? Other than that, he is wearing his customary orange and displaying his usual stubbornness.

His moment of examination is over when his fellow Nara barks orders to the unknown man: “Sasuke, take the head and move back. Something is wrong.”

Whatever the hell is going on doesn’t make any sense. Sasuke is here, wearing Konoha shinobi uniform. There is a Nara that Shikamaru has never seen in his life. And both Naruto and Kakashi are acting like it’s normal for the Uchiha to be fighting alongside them.

As if to reaffirm the strangeness of the whole situation, Sasuke lands on Kakashi’s other side and tosses Hidan’s (still loudly cursing) head to Naruto.

“Kakuzu, stop playing and get me whole again!” bellows Hidan, and it is somehow both surprising and yet not at all that once again an enemy that should be dead is still alive.

Having released Kakuzu from her shadow as soon as the Uchiha was safe away from the enemy, the woman once again directed her comrades. “Naruto, protect Shika. Sensei, you take Asuma-sensei. And seal the body if you can. Preferably in pieces in different scrolls.” She hands something to Kakashi. “Sasuke, with me.”

The two move in sync, putting themselves between the Akatsuki and the Konoha shinobi.

“Kakuzu, formerly of Takigakure.” Says the Nara. “Bounty hunter and a member of Akatsuki. Notable traits: speed, extreme physical strength and the ability to use all five Chakra Natures. Rumoured to have fought the first Hokage, Senju Hashirama, and survived. Occasionally turns in bounties missing hearts. Mostly those of strong shinobi. Likely uses the hearts to keep himself alive. Akatsuki partner—Hidan, formerly of Yugakure. Priest of Jashin. Immortal. Uses blood to form a bond with a target to inflict shared wounds.”

The amount of information she has is staggering. No one in Konoha knows the identities of most of the Akatsuki members. Just who the hell is she?

“Good to know. So how do we kill him?” Sasuke remarks, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know. Kill him until he dies?” She shrugs. Despite her questioning tone, it seems to be an actual answer or at least Sasuke takes it as one.

“That’s a lot of information you shouldn’t have,” Kakuzu notes.

“You do realise you’re in some of the old Konoha bingo books, right? And the cloak is a giveaway to you being in the Akatsuki. As for Hidan—let's just say…. I hate Jashin.”

Shikamaru actually flinches from the loud cursing that results from Hidan hearing her words. Only then does he realise that Naruto is by his side, helping him stand without falling over.

“Smart,” Kakuzu tells the teen. “I like you. I’ll take your heart for the one you destroyed.”

“So I was right. You do use them to keep yourself alive.” She says with no surprise in her voice.

Shikamaru notes that despite all the arguing between the partners, Kakuzu stays by his partner's body. Is it possible that he actually cares?

Meanwhile, Naruto hands him to Kotetsu and makes a single (since when does he stop at one) Shadow Clone and gives him the head with instructions to lead Team Asuma away from the enemy.

Just as they got ready to move, Kakashi-sensei joined them with Asuma-sensei in his arms. Handing him off to Izumo, he suggests the rooftop of the collection office “The view’s better from higher up.”

Evidently, Naruto means to help his sensei, so they leave the two to finish their mission while Team Asuma and Naruto’s clone move.

Refocusing on the fight, Shikamaru sees Sasuke engaging Kakuzu in a furious taijutsu match. At the same time, the girl manoeuvres him away from Hidan’s body much in the way Shikamaru did for Asuma in his fight.

As soon as she reaches her desired results, she moves into the fight giving Sasuke some breathing time that he uses to prepare himself for the next bit of fighting. That’s when Kakashi drops by the body and chops it into pieces, and presumably, seals it away while Naruto protects him. It is incredible to see their teamwork in action.

Logically Shikamaru always knew that this was exactly why Konoha promotes teamwork. In the academy, they are told that if a team works well together, they can achieve much more than alone. The Ino-Shika-Cho are praised as one of the best teams in every generation, but unlike Shikamaru's team, who works by using combinations they previously practised for, the team in front of him functions separately but as one well-oiled machine. They seem to almost read each other's minds.

As soon as Kakashi is done, Sasuke takes over from the kunoichi, who catches the scroll that Kakashi-sensei throws to her and puts it away somewhere. Meanwhile, Naruto jumps into the fight helping Sasuke fend off Kakuzu.

With both teens relentlessly attacking, the Akatsuki member can no longer stand his ground. Realising that he alone won't be able to take the two—let alone all four of them—Kakuzu changes tactics. For some reason, it involves taking off his cloak…

It reveals many massive stitches holding him in one piece. As if that wasn't a horrible enough view, some of the stitches start moving and… loosening? Black gooey substance pours out from his back and forms four gigantic figures behind Kakuzu. Their faces are masks resembling ANBU masks. Soon after they emerged, one black figure sways dangerously.

The four ninja retreat as if trying to leave the danger zone, but it turns out to be unnecessary. The figure suddenly collapses and seemingly melts onto the ground, leaving only a black puddle and a broken mask on the ground.

Shikamaru is startled by Hidan’s sudden shouts making fun of his partner's failure. It seems that everyone who’s conscious is paying attention to the fight. Barely seconds later, four figures land around Team Asuma with intentionally audible steps.

They pay enough attention to notice everyone's injuries, and Naruto's unexpected presence before the battle draws everyone's attention once again.

During the time Shikamaru's attention was away, Kakuzu and the other (probably) Konoha ninja had a short conversation. It is the appearance of an earth wall just big enough to slow the waterflood that one of the masked beings sent at the four that draws back their attention to the dight. Judging by the speed and ease the kunoichi used the Earth technique, her chakra nature is Earth, like Shikamaru’s—or she is a ninjutsu specialist, which is unlikely for a Nara. Not because they are too lazy to put in that much effort, like many in Konoha would believe, but because most Nara don’t have the chakra needed to use many jutsu consecutively—especially if the jutsu aren’t that of their chakra nature.

As the wall crumbles from the impact, Sasuke grabs the kunoichi and moves out from the water’s range, closely followed by Naruto and Kakashi-sensei. The three remaining black figures separate and attack the ninja, each targeting one member leaving Kakashi to Kakuzu.

The kunoichi barely avoids some kind of lightning attack from the masked figure attacking her while Naruto darts away from a fireball that another one spits out. Sasuke blows out a massive fireball of his own. It must be truly chakra intensive because the being spews a veritable flood of water simultaneously, and yet as the two jutsu collide, the fire is strong enough to vaporise the water. Steam covers their quarter of the field and Sasuke is forced to retreat to avoid being burned by the sheer heat of the vapour.

Meanwhile, Kakashi is holding his own against Kakuzu, although barely.

Shikamaru is tempted to go and assist them, but considering how tired he is, he might as well be another obstacle if he interferes.

Before he can tell the reinforcement to do their jobs and go help, the Nara kunoichi shouts something to her teammates, seemingly noticing—just like Shikamaru—that they needed to shift plans because, with the current matchups, they wouldn’t win.

Following her plan, Kakashi attacks with viciousness he didn’t have before and finishes his barrage with a close-range lightning bolt, making Kakuzu retreat even more. At the same time, Naruto creates a few dozen clones and disappears among them, likely also trying to disengage his opponent.

The clones do their job and occupy the fire-breathing creature. One of the clones throws a single kunai at the figure attacking his female teammate. Apparently, it wasn’t meant to hit or do any damage because just as the kunai is close enough, it explodes into chakra smoke and reveals, presumably, the real Naruto who immediately creates a dozen more clones and attacks the being.

Kakashi, having successfully left his opponent momentarily unable to follow, makes a few quick hand signs and creates a water dragon, collecting the water from Sasuke’s opponent's previous attack. His attack not only distracts the fire-natured being (Shikamaru has noticed that all the creatures can only use one element, unlike Kakuzu) but also opens up the field for Sasuke once again.

To finish off the exchange of opponents, the kunoichi leaves hers to Naruto and jumps into another furious taijutsu match with Kakuzu.

Naruto is continuously attacking and doing his best to evade his current opponent’s lightning attacks. And although his veritable army of clones seems to be barely enough of a distraction, Naruto is still managing to manoeuvre the creature so none of the attacks are aimed towards his team.

Meanwhile, two of the blond’s clones disengage and head to help his teammates. One approaches Sasuke, and as soon as it is close, it makes a few quick hand signs and releases some kind of a wind jutsu. When the wind hits the fireball that Sasuke just blew out, it explodes right into the creature's face. Or, at least into the mask that Shikamaru presumes is its face.

No clones approach Kakashi. But the Jonin seems to be handling himself just fine. He’s using the same tactics as Naruto, attacking and evading in turns. In fact, it’s as if Kakashi is trying his best to be as annoying as possible.

The Nara kunoichi, on the other hand, was having a bit more trouble. She was engaging in a taijutsu spar with Kakuzu, and while she’s clearly a competent—closer to excellent—ninja Kakuzu has much more experience. Therefore it is a relief to both Shikamaru and the kunoichi when the remaining Naruto clone intervenes. However, her next move confuses Shikamaru greatly. Instead of retreating to regroup, like he would, she grabs Kakuzu’s forearm and, after a second, jumps back. The clone follows her lead and retreats as well, as if expecting something to happen.

And indeed something does happen. Kakuzu barely has time to react before his arm seems to explode. Unexpectedly the explosion appears to have caused damage. Kakuzu’s clothes on the side of the explosion are smouldering and the forearm, where the Nara grabbed, is scorched.

Around Shikamaru, his comrades inhale sharply at the unexpected explosion. It is possible that Shikamaru makes some kind of sound of surprise.

Down below, Kakuzu and the girl are staring at each other, ignoring everyone else. Kakuzu seems to be re-evaluating his opponent, and so is Shikamaru. Because there is only one way to cause such an explosion with a touch—seals, and as far as Shikamaru is aware, the last time a Konoha nin was able to use sealing by touch was the fourth Hokage. If this girl is able to do the same, she must be a seal master and therefore extremely dangerous.

Likely coming to the same conclusion, Kakuzu makes more space between the two, and moments later, his remaining ‘accomplices’ appear beside him. The rest of the kunoichi’s team is quick to join her. Just as they come, the water natured creature’s mask opens its mouth and spits a lake's amount of water at the four (maybe) Konoha nin. The velocity at which the water travels is enough to root out trees, and for a moment, Shikamaru fears that it managed to defeat the quartet. Turns out he feared for nothing. A dome of hard earth stands where they stood, and while it seems to have suffered quite a bit of damage, it is still standing when the water subsides.

When the earth jutsu is released, Kakuzu is nowhere to be seen, and the team of four is tense, battered and scraped, but not as injured as Shikamaru’s team.

Seeing their saviours alive, Shikamaru's temporary teammates release a sigh of relief, as does Shikamaru himself.

Ino, on the other hand, chooses to voice out everyone's confusion out loud. “What… the hell?”

In response, Shikamaru deadpans, “I think we’re about to find out.” Because he was going to figure out exactly what the hell was happening, one way or another. Preferably by getting his questions answered by the four who were heading his way right this moment.

Absently Shikamaru notices that Naruto’s clones, who were standing guard around them, have popped as soon as the fight ended.

At first, both groups just stare at each other silently, so Shikamaru takes his time observing the four who appear to be his comrades at first sight. However, it is clear that despite the similarities to Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke and… well, clearly a Nara, although one Shikamaru has never met before, they are not the people Shikamaru knows.

Under closer scrutiny, the kunoichi resembles his mother a great deal. It’s like looking at his mother if she was born a Nara. The differences only highlight the similarities. She seems to be doing the same as him and is observing both Konoha teams.

Next to the kunoichi stands Sasuke. Or at least the traitor’s lookalike, who just happens to have the same name, because he does not act like the boy who left Konoha more than three years ago. And Shikamaru doesn’t believe that the bastard would have changed for the better training under the traitorous Sanin. Nor would he be wearing an unmarked Konoha symbol so proudly.

This Sasuke is wearing a Konoha headband and a vest, implying that he’s loyal and no longer a genin. And, like Shikamaru already noticed, he is not sneering but maintaining a neutral expression. In fact, underneath the neutrality, Shikamaru can detect a hint of amusement.

On the girls' other side stands Naruto. He’s tilting his head to one side like an inquisitive puppy. This Naruto’s body language is almost identical to the Naruto that Shikamaru knows. In fact, if Shikamaru hadn’t seen the blond fight, he might have believed the two to be one and the same. However, knowing what he knows Shikamaru notices the minor discrepancies. Admittedly, most of the differences are in the way he and the other three are interacting. He seems to be taking cues from his companions and occasionally glancing at them to evaluate their reactions.

There is also the fact that this Naruto is also wearing a vest indicating his rank as one that is above genin.

Behind the three stands Kakashi-sensei. Or at least his lookalike. Like Naruto, he also seems almost identical to the Kakashi that Shikamaru knows. He’s dressed the same and fought more or less the same. Although Shikamaru has to admit he hadn’t had the chance to observe all of Kakashi-sensei's tactics. However, what Shikamaru does know is that despite how hard Kakashi tries to hide his awkwardness, he can never appear completely relaxed beside his students. It is likely to be expected considering how Team 7 was split, and even now that Naruto returned, it is still not completely united.

This Kakashi, though, is completely content. Even after fighting Kakuzu and facing two Konoha teams, he seems sure that his team will be just fine. And, like the girl and Naruto, he seems to be perfectly willing to trust Sasuke to protect his blind side.

“So…” The kunoichi began. “Seems that I missed again.” Her voice is barely audible, so Shikamaru has to focus some chakra into his ears in order to hear what she is telling her team.

Her next statement is directed towards Sasuke.

“From the way they are looking at you, I believe they aren’t overly fond of you. In fact, I would almost say that they hate you.”

“And I’d say that that’s kinda obvious,” Sasuke deadpans before adding, “What I’d really like to know is why.”

“Oh,” the kunoichi exhales as if coming to a realisation. She once again surveys everyone focusing on some detail or the other.

Since everyone is eavesdropping anyway, her deductions are shared at a normal volume.

“Well… their dislike of you, Ino’s eyes, Shika’s arm and…” she cuts herself off before swallowing and whispers “Aoba-senpai,” before blinking a few times in quick succession.

After a deep breath, she continues. “Also, they’re all slightly older. Therefore we’re probably in a … parallel universe?”

At that, Sasuke groans and facepalms. “Of course it is. As if time travel wasn’t enough.” His words are muffled by his palm but not enough for Shikamaru to miss what he said.

Any further talk is interrupted by Asuma-sensei groaning and trying to sit up with no success. All things forgotten, all the members of Team 10 are by Asuma’s side instantly. While Ino’s hand lights up with green chakra, Shikamaru looks over the wounds he can see to make sure they’re not life-threatening.

“Kakashi.” Asuma-sensei greets the other as soon as he’s upright.

“Asuma,” Kakashi responds cheerfully. “You seemed to be having trouble, so we decided to drop by and give you a hand.”

‘Because travelling to a parallel universe to assist someone is a natural thing to do,’ thinks Shikamaru a touch hysterically.

Absently he realises that the adrenaline has left his system, leaving him tired and a bit neurotic. ‘Troublesome.’

“So… You’re not from around here?” Aoba prompts.

“Nope.” Kakashi’s answer is as informative as the man is forthcoming. “Anyways, since we’re here already, why don’t we explore a little? See the sites, meet ourselves. You know, do the touristy stuff. ”

“Hell yeah!” Naruto cheers, “I wanna meet the other me. Is he a Jonin by now if they’re older here?”

“Umm…” The Nara kunoichi interrupts Naruto’s joy. “There seem to be some differences, so we should probably at least figure out the major ones before going to Konoha.”

“Kako’s right. We should know stuff like, well… what the fuck has the other me done to deserve everyone’s ire?” mused Sasuke.

“Betrayed and left Konoha,” Choji informed him.

“Attempted to kill Naruto,” added Ino, to which Sasuke seemed horrified.

“Joined Orochimaru,” finished Shikamaru.

“Right.” The Uchiha didn’t seem impressed with his alternate. “So he’s a traitor aaannnd an idiot. Noted.” Looking at his sensei, Sasuke informed the older man. “If we run into him, I'll beat him up for the stupidity.”

“Did you just call yourself an idiot, teme?” burst out Naruto mid-Sasuke’s declaration.

“Boys, focus!” Barked the kunoichi, interrupting the brewing argument and earning herself two matching petulant glares. Kakashi, meanwhile, seemed amused, going so far as to reward her with a fond head pat.

“Shikako-chan is correct. We need to focus on the differences for now. You can always squabble later.” is Kakashi-sensei’s wise opinion. “Hmm. What else could be different? The Hokage? Am I a sensei here as well? Most importantly, has Jiraiya-sama released his new Icha Icha yet?”

Shikamaru ignored Kakashi's antics in favour of the very startling name he had just heard. “Shikako? That’s…”

“Me,” the girl interrupted.

Luckily Naruto provided more information. “Your twin, Shika. She’s amazing. And really smart. Just like you.”

Not waiting for any more information, Asuma-sensei questioned Kakashi. “Is she on your team?”

“Yep,” said Jonin beamed. “These are my cute little genin.”

“Not genin anymore, sensei!” His declaration earned him synchronised complaints from the trio.

Ignoring their protests, Kakashi introduced his students, pointing at the one named.

“Nara Shikako.”

“Jonin,” the girl added just to spite her sensei.

Kakashi ignored Shikako’s interjection and continued his introductions. “Uchiha Sasuke.”

“Jonin,” Sasuke followed his teammates' example.

“And Uzumaki Naruto,” Kakashi ended grandly.

“Chunin,” pouted the blond.

“Sakura is on Team 7 with Naruto,” Ino informed the quartet.

All three males looked disturbed with the news while Shikako just nodded. “Makes sense. If I wasn’t there like it seems, judging by everyone’s reactions, then Sakura-chan would have been the kunoichi of the year.”

“What?” Burst out Naruto while her other teammates looked similarly nonplussed.

---

So… Turns out it is, in fact, possible to enter Konoha secretly. Or more like, break into Konoha without raising an alarm. Provided you can invent a substitute for henge that no one can detect or dispel. Having at least one high ranked Jonin is also useful but, Shikamaru suspects, not vital.

This new revelation distracted Shikamaru long enough that when he resurfaces, he finds himself in the Hokage’s office. The alternate Team 7 is sitting together under said replacement henge technique and trying to convince Tsunade-sama to call for Team 7 before they can explain their presence in Konoha.

They end up having to relent and give out some information and tell her about their alternate universe situation. There is a tense moment when they admit to hiding their true appearance, but the Hokage agrees once they promise to show themselves during the explanation.

As per usual, Naruto’s entrance is boisterous and cuts right through the silence.

When the door is closed and the silencing seals are activated, all three disguised students look at their equally disguised sensei. Clearly, their looks demand the man to step up and explain and even though he tries to convey his disagreement, he is quick to give in.

“Ma, ma. Don’t be so mean to your poor old sensei.” Kakashi complains but obligingly turns to the Hokage, and for the first time since their arrival, speaks up, taking his usual slouching position. “You see, my cute little genin were messing around and accidentally triggered a space-time seal. Originally we assumed it to have moved us through time, but upon running into your teams, we discovered that it’s more of a… parallel universe travel.”

“Kakashi?” Tsunade exclaimed, shocked and Shikamaru wasn't surprised that the Hokage recognised the man from his voice and mannerisms alone.

“Yo,” the Jonin replied, eye-smiling, after dropping the henge. Or whatever the technique they are using is.

Of course, knowing how much of a trouble magnet each and every member of Team 7 is, Tsunade groaned and dropped her head on the table. “I’m too sober to deal with your bullshit.”

“And these are your other troublemakers, I presume. So how did you figure out that it’s an alternate universe?”

This time it was Shikako who answered, dropping the henge. “That would be because of me.”

“Huh!” Exclaims the native Naruto. “She looks like you, Shikamaru!”

“Of course she does. They’re twins.” Scoffs the other Naruto, also revealing his true appearance.

“Right. Yeah. That’s me. I’m Nara Shikako and a member of Team 7.” The kunoichi introduces herself. “And I am Shikamaru’s twin. Or well… My Shikamaru’s twin, since judging everyone’s reactions, I likely don’t exist here.”

Looking at the alternate Kakashi, Tsunade asks, “So your team composition is different. Who’s the last member?”

Sasuke surveyed everyone in the office before straightening and speaking directly to the Hokage. “Just a quick warning. I’m not a traitor.”

Of course, such a warning could never be enough when the Sasuke they know is a total bastard. Luckily Tsunade-sama only growled his name before composing herself once more. “So I take this is another difference that gave away the different universe situation.”

“Yes,” is Shikako’s succinct answer.

Proving that he indeed is A Naruto, even if he originated from a different world, he cuts through the tense silence. “He really is loyal, Baa-chan. It’s not his fault that the psycho is after him whenever the teme leaves the village. Your other self even promoted him and Shikako-chan to Jonin recently.”

“Jonin?” Choked out the native Kakashi.

Clearly proud of his students, the traveller Kakashi boasted, “Aren’t my cute little genin just adorable? And so strong already.” To Shikamaru, it was obvious that he was only teasing his students, made even more apparent when he deflated at their non-reactions to his provocation.

Rubbing her eyes, Tsunade sighed. “Clearly, no matter who’s on the team, there is no version of Team 7 that’s normal.”

“Hey. I take offence to that. Don’t even insinuate that my team could be normal. It would be boring,” scoffed the alternate Kakashi. “Besides, I wouldn’t want my team to be anything but the troublemaker we are,” he beams.

“You do realise that includes you?” Sasuke deadpanned, unimpressed, only to receive an unrepentant smile.

How Kakashi managed to convey such gleeful joy with so little of his face actually visible Shikamaru will never understand.

Kakashi watches the supposedly alternate version of Team 7 interact with his own team.

Even wearing their strange henge, the alternate Team 7 still acted very much like themselves.

Most notably Naruto. Bubbly and cheerful with all his boisterous enthusiasm. However, Kakashi did notice a few notable differences. The first and the most obvious difference was his vest. Because apparently, he managed to secure a promotion during his first—and only since he got promoted—chunin exam. The second less notable was his relationship with his team. While he still bickered with Sasuke, he was undoubtedly fond of the Uchiha. In fact, he was fond of all members of his team.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was just different enough to cause Kakashi a headache. Oh, don’t get him wrong. The bickering and posturing were almost the same, and the superior way he holds himself is reminiscent of the genin Sasuke that was assigned to Kakashi. But underneath all that attitude, Kakashi can clearly see a completely different person. In fact, this Sasuke doesn’t even try to hide his fondness all that much. And when confronted with his alternates’ decision to betray Konoha for power, he just scoffed and said, “What power? My team is what makes me strong. Besides, there’s nothing Orochimaru can give me that I can’t get in Konoha. After all, both he and Itachi got as strong as they are here, so clearly, there is plenty I can learn without leaving my home. Hn.”

Sasuke’s words struck deep, and Kakashi can’t help but wonder if those words would have been enough to hold his team together. Did his other self see that and realise what the boy needed? Was that how the alternate Kakashi kept his genin together, or was it something else? The proof that his life is different sits beside Kakashi in Ichirakus. Because apparently, it’s a Team 7—Team Lucky 7s like they want to be called to distinguish between them—tradition. The other Hatake is relaxed in a way Kakashi himself never thought he could be. It’s as if no matter what happens, he knows that everything will be fine, and the four of them can deal with whatever obstacles come their way.

Lastly and definitely unexpected is the kunoichi. There is no Nara Shikako as far as Kakashi is aware, so it is hard to compare her to anyone. She is very obviously a Nara—composed and calculative. However, she is also motivated and very much attached to her team. It’s as though she sees them as family. Pack of her own, and anyone who tries to touch what’s hers will regret it.

The first moments with Sakura were tense. Both kunoichi were uncertain and unbalanced. Shikako acted shy, almost like she wanted to hide from the possibility of her not being on a team with Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi. But as she relaxed and became more animated, it became clear that the other Sakura is also a friend, if not as close as she is with her boys. Sai was a whole different matter. She greeted him as another member of the team. It’s like Sai is part of the pack, while Sakura is protected but not a full-fledged member of the pack.

Now Shikako is talking to Sakura about everything the other Sakura learned from Tsunade—because apparently, Sakura was meant to apprentice under the Hokage—and the kunoichi group Shikako created with her fellow kunoichi in order to advance everyone's medical capabilities.

Kakashi notices that Shikako is that rare kind of motivated Nara he didn’t even know existed. She’s smart, both book and street smart, and sees no reason to hide that. And instead of lazing around, she spends her free time increasing her knowledge and abilities.

Kakashi’s observations are interrupted by the alternate Naruto's exclamation: “Uh. This is so confusing. We need nicknames. At least for Sasuke, Sensei and me!”

Sometime during Kakashi's pondering, they made their way towards the clearing where Naruto was trying to learn to manipulate his wind nature.

“Hn. You are actually right for once.” Sasuke teasingly mocks his teammate. “Hard to decide if you should be the dobe or the other you. Hmm… I hate to say it, but the other you might even be more of a dobe, so I guess you can be Naru like usual.”

Native Naruto is instantly outraged, but before he can voice his disagreement, Shikako interferes and redirects the conversation like a pro. “Don’t be mean, Sasu. It’s only fair that the natives keep their names and we just use our usual nicknames.” With that, she turns to the native Team 7 and explains. “We landed in a universe with our mini us before. We needed some way to differentiate, so we used Naru for Naruto, Sasu for Sasuke, Kashi for Sensei and Kako for me since Shika is Shikamaru’s nickname. I know there is no other me here, but it’s probably better if you call me Kako too. That way, fewer people will realise who I am.”

Not long after that, Naruto and Naru got into an argument over which of them was stronger and Sasu’s smug declaration that it was him was only fuel for their argument. In the end, both teams declared that only a fight would prove who was best.

Which is how Kakashi found himself close to chakra exhaustion, surrounded by Team Lucky 7s and his Team 7 unconscious.

Later, when Team 10, joined by Shikaku, comes to escort the travellers to the Nara compound where they will stay for the night, Kakashi collects his students and tries to piece together how this team defeated them so easily. Okay, so it wasn’t easy, but they did win very definitively.

According to Sakura, the Lucky 7s never truly took them on one by one. The first few clashes were only to gauge their abilities and fighting styles before regrouping. They took out Sakura first, likely due to her abilities in healing.

While Naru’s clones occupied Naruto, the real Naruto distracted Sakura, letting Kako catch Sakura in Shadow Bind Jutsu. At which point, Sakura lost consciousness and only later found out that Naru used a knockout tag to knock her out.

Then came Sai’s turn as the one with the lowest amounts of chakra between the remaining fighters on their side. The Nara used her shadows to destroy Sai’s ink creatures, letting Sasuke engage Sai in close combat.

At this point, Kakashi almost lost his own fight because the sword that was strapped to Sasuke’s back turned out to be Kakashi’s chakra sabre. He couldn’t follow the fight anymore because his shock gave Kashi an opening, but Sai explained that Sasuke’s kenjutsu was impressive, and he was knocked out soon after as well.

After that, all three went after Naruto as the member with the biggest chakra reserves and more stamina than sense. In the end, Kakashi gave up on trying to figure out exactly how the fight went because Naruto was way too enthusiastic about everything. All he understood was that Naru used their similarities to sneak in a clone in between Naruto’s clones to discreetly attack Naruto himself.

Once all three were knocked out and tied up, they came after Kakashi. Given the odds, Kakashi is not surprised that he lost against himself—basically—plus two new Jonin and a chakra tank of a Chunin. Although he probably should have expected the water prison after the kunoichi went as far as to hint at it to her teammates, saying, “like Zabuza captured you the first time.”

After all that, Kakashi is quite literally spooked by what his team could have been with a better teacher—even if that teacher could have been a better him.

“It was all them,” came a voice from behind Kakashi, and he absolutely didn’t jump at that. Sure it’s late evening, and he’s supposed to be alone at the memorial stone with no one interrupting his sulking, but he is a professional and does not get caught off guard like a genin.

“Hmm…” Is his reasonable response to the non sequitur.

Clearly amused, Kashi expanded. “I wasn’t good enough to keep them safe, not to make them into a good team. It was all them. They became a team and adopted me despite all my failures.”

Kakashi refused to wonder how Kashi knew exactly what he was thinking, but he did let himself ask. “How?”

“Hmm. Team dinners. Rule number one… Although Shikako-chan seems to enjoy skirting around it way too much for the one who implemented it in the first place.”

There was no way that Kashi was referring to the shinobi rules, so Kakashi asked: “What’s rule number one?”

At that, Kashi exhaled and looked straight at him with a small smile. “Rule number one of Team 7 is ‘No Dying’.”

Omake

Tsunade: I recalled Jiraya to help you get home.

Kako: Oh no. There’s no need. I already adjusted the seal. Besides, Jiraya-sama's sealing style is different from mine. He might not be able to help me either way.

Tsunade: You mean you could have gone already?/What are you a seal master?

Kako: Well not exactly.  I mean I’ve been working on this seal for a while. And I’m still not sure about the accuracy … and other things actually. But we already talked and decided to visit more universes. It’s kind of fun and we already know that it’s safe… mostly. 

Tsunade: *visibly struggling to stay calm* Like I said. Crazy.