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Talking to Kirishima about gender was both the best and the worst thing that Kaminari has ever done.
On the one hand, he felt so much better about himself. He didn’t wonder anymore if he was weird or strange for being so apathetic about gender. He didn’t wonder if he was broken, or if there was something wrong with him. Everytime those sorts of thoughts would creep into his mind, he would simply remember the words he had learned from Kirishima: Nonbinary. Agender. They reminded him that he wasn’t alone. Someone else had felt the same, enough people to have an entire word about how he was feeling. Two words, even!
And every time he had another question about gender, he would simply knock on Kirishima’s door and ask. Kirishima would either answer the best he could, or the two of them would look it up online, and Kirishima would read while Kaminari paced around the room.
He learned that gender and sexuality were two different things this way. He had come to Kirishima’s room late one night, after remembering that he still liked girls.
Kirishima opened the door, looking a bit groggy, but smiled when he saw who it was.
“Hey, what's up?”
“Kiri!” Kaminari hissed, trying to avoid being heard. “Am I a lesbian?”
Kirishima blinked a few times, looking very confused. He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and instead just tilted his head to the side.
“Run that by me again?”
“If I’m nonbinary, and I like girls, am I gay or straight? Am I a lesbian? But I’m not a girl, so am I straight?”
Kaminari buried his face in his hands and let out a quiet scream. When he looked up, Kirishima was smiling sympathetically at him. “Kiri, this is a very important question”
“Of course it is!” Kirishima said, the tiredness was gone from his face, and he pounded his fists together in the signature Kirishima way. “Figuring yourself out is super important! And also difficult…”
Kaminari sighed and flopped dramatically on the bed, covering his face with his hands again. “Being nonbinary is hard”
“It sure is,” Kirishima laughed, “As to answer your question, I think it depends?”
“Depends? On what?”
“On what makes you feel best,” Kirishima responded. “If it makes you happy and feels good to call yourself a lesbian, then go ahead!”
It was Kaminari’s turn to look confused. “Are there nonbinary lesbians? Is that a thing?”
“Sure is!”
Kaminari thought for a minute. He didn’t really feel like a lesbian because he didn’t really feel like a girl. But if there were nonbinary lesbians, then maybe he was one? After all, he didn’t feel like a boy either. He just felt like, well, himself.
“I don’t think I’m a lesbian,” He decided out loud. “But is there a word for someone who isn’t a boy or a girl, but likes girls?”
That led to the internet, as Kirishima didn’t know any off the top of his head. Kaminari was surprised at how many words there were. Sapphic, Azalian, Trixic, and so many more. But none of them felt right. They all seemed so specific, and that kinda intimidated Kaminari.
“You know,” Kirishima said, “You could also just call yourself queer.”
But while there were many good things that came from Kaminari coming out to Kirishima, he noticed that his life was also harder, in very strange ways.
He never knew what pronouns to call himself. Kirishima had offered to try out different pronouns, and also had introduced him to many different neopronouns, but none of them felt right. He kinda liked they/them, but when he tried it, it didn’t feel like him. He tried she/her a few times, but those felt wrong. In the end, he stuck with the old he/him pronouns, but then every time he heard them, he wondered ‘is this right?’
He also was thinking constantly about clothes now. He always wore what he thought he liked, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he had never worn anything too out of the ordinary. He had never tried anything different. He had never worn a skirt, or a dress, or even anything with bright ‘girly’ colors. (Although now he wondered why certain colors were girly and some weren’t. Were there any nonbinary colors?) The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to try out the clothes he hadn’t worn before. Especially the skirts.
But that led to another problem. One day he was hanging out with Mina and Hagakure when he had the thought ‘they are so pretty’. Followed immediately by ‘do I want to date them, or be them?’
That sent him into a spiral, thinking about all of the girls in their class. Was he really attracted to all of them, or was he simply jealous?
He had so much to think about, and so little time. Between regular classwork and hero training, he couldn’t spend much time thinking about himself and his emotions. The only time he could think about this stuff was at night. He started staying up later and later and soon he was exhausted all the time. Which made him fall behind in school, which would keep him up at night. It was a vicious cycle.
And so he came up with a plan.
It wasn’t a very thorough plan, and in all honesty, it wasn’t much of a plan at all, but he was still going through with it.
And so the next time he was hanging out with Mina, he put it into action.
“Wanna give me a makeover?”
Mina narrowed her eyes a bit. “Really?”
Kaminari shrugged, looking away, his heart thumping in his chest. “Sure. Might be fun”
And then Mina let out an excited squeal so loud that Kaminari jumped.
“Oh this will be so much fun! What are you thinking? Makeup? Clothes? I’ll have to ask Ochaco or Kyoka if I can borrow their makeup, as mine is much too pink for your face, but my clothes might fit you best, if they don’t fit, Momo might be able to make some clothes that fit you better, or maybe-”
As Mina rambled on, Kaminari realized he might be in over his head. When he heard her wonder if any of the other boys would want one too, he started to say something about how he was hoping it would just be her and him, but she was already grabbing his arm and dragging him out to the common room.
She sat him down in a chair in front of the TV and with an insistent ‘stay here’, she ran off into the halls to get the other girls.
Kaminari thought about leaving, about running away, and facing Mina’s wrath after, when he was safely tucked away in his room, but the idea of finally getting to try on some new types of clothes kept him in the chair. He did take out his phone and type a quick “S.O.S” to Kirishima though. Before he could reply, the girls were back.
Hagakure was the most excited. She had brought tons of clothes, all bundled up in her arms, and was chattering away about which ones would look best on him. Uraraka had some makeup in her hands, as did Jirou and Tsu. Momo had something else in her hands, and was talking earnestly to Mina. Kaminari had a few seconds to take in the fact that all the girls were there, before they all descended on him.
Since all the girls were talking all at once, he struggled to hear what anyone was saying. They were discussing different makeup colors, sorting through the massive pile of clothes that Hagakure had brought down and generally making a lot of noise. At least they all seemed excited?
He drowned out most of the chatter until Momo came up to him with a tape measure in her hands.
“If I’m going to make you any clothes,” She said matter of factly, “I’ll need your measurements.”
“Oh, you don’t need to use your quirk for this,” Kaminari said.
“No, but we can’t go shopping without Aizawa’s permission” She pouted a bit at that. “If we could it would be so much more fun”
Momo motioned for Kaminari to stand up, so he did. She wrapped the tape measure around his hips, and wrote down the number on a little notebook she had handy. She then had him hold his arms out (in a T-pose, he thought) and measured around his chest.
“This will be the most interesting challenge of this,” Momo said, “Because your chest is flat, most of our tops won’t fit you right.”
“That is true,” Kaminari said with a sigh, “I do not have boobs”
Behind him one of the girls giggled, but before he could turn around to see who it was, Mina was in his face again.
“Makeup!” she said, holding up a few pallets. “What are you thinking? Winged eyeliner? Blush? Ooh, we could give you this nice dark lipstick?”
Kaminari stammered a bit, realizing he knew nothing about makeup.
“You’ll want to contour his face, mes amies”
Everyone turned around to see Aoyama standing in the kitchen, watching the commotion. To Kaminari’s horror, he wasn’t alone. Tokoyami and Shoji were with him, but they didn’t say anything. Kaminari felt his heart start to race. Would they think he was strange for having the girls do this?
Uraraka said, “oh, Aoyama, do you do your own makeup?”
“Oui oui”
Hagakure was practically bouncing with excitement “Grab your stuff and come help us!”
And Aoyama went down the hall, promising to be right back. Kaminari looked at the two boys who stayed behind. They were both so hard to read, Tokoyami with his beak, and Shoji with his mask. He desperately wished he could know what they were thinking.
“You’re a brave man Kaminari,” Tokoyami said. “Aoyama can get intense when it comes to makeup”
“I didn’t know he wore makeup,” Kaminari said, realizing now that Aoyama probably didn’t sparkle on his own.
“He’s tried to put some on me before,” Tokoyami continued “But my face isn’t exactly built for that”
Kaminari’s interest was peaked now “You’ve worn makeup too?”
Tokoyami looked away, and he got the feeling like he would have been blushing if he didn’t have feathers in the way.
“Just eyeliner. It makes me look more intense.”
“Yeah but like, even Bakugou wears eyeliner,” Mina said, holding up a sweater from the pile of clothes.
“Wait wait, slow down,” Kaminari said, his mind reeling. “Bakugou wears makeup?”
“Yeah, as part of his hero costume,” Jirou said. “You’ve never noticed?”
Kaminari fell silent as he thought. A lot of the boys wore makeup then, he just never noticed. The idea that he wasn’t alone in wanting to try it made him relax a bit. Before long, Aoyama returned.
“Alright cherie, what are you thinking, bold? Or subtle?”
Aoyama pulled up a chair and sat right in front of Kaminari. He was holding a lot of makeup pallets, with a lot of colors. Some of them were very brightly colored, vibrant pinks and yellows and blues. A lot of them sparkled.
“Subtle” Kaminari decided, balking at all the bright colors. He still wanted to look like himself after all of this. “But, can you make me sparkle?”
Aoyama’s face lit up, and he smiled in a very excited way. He began saying something in french, very fast, and he grabbed a bunch of extra tubes and brushes.
“Allons!” he said, turning again to Kaminari. “Let’s make you sparkle!”
And then he began to apply the makeup, first all over his face, and then in specific spots, along his nose, on his cheeks. Kaminari had no idea what was going on, so he just sat as still as he could manage.
Meanwhile, the girls would hold up various pieces of clothing and ask his opinion.
“Short skirts or long skirts?” Mina asked, holding up two black skirts.
“Short?” Kaminari answered. He wanted to look more like the girls did, and they wore short skirts.
“Colors or boring?” Hagakure asked.
“Colors. I definitely don’t want to be boring.”
“I think this is the least boring thing any of the boys has done, ribbit”
Uraraka laughed, “Even that huge explosion in the sports festival?”
“That was predictable,” Jirou answered, “This isn’t”
Momo stood behind Aoyama, looking at Kaminari with a critical eye. “I’m thinking purple,” she said after a long moment of silence “It will go with his hair”
“Ooh! Color theory!” Uraraka chimed in.
Momo consulted her notebook with his measurements, and then her shoulder began to glow as a purple fabric sprouted out of it. When she held it up, it was a short purple skirt with a flower pattern all over it.
“Hagakure,” She asked, turning to the invisible girl, “How would you style this?”
Kaminari turned to try and look at the commotion around him as all the girls chimed in their opinions, but Aoyama grabbed his face and pulled him back towards him.
“Don’t move, I can’t work if you’re moving.”
And so, Kaminari sat still, trying to drown out the commotion as much as possible. He closed his eyes, and was just beginning to relax when a familiar voice piped up.
“Uh, What's going on here?”
Kaminari snapped his eyes open to see Mineta watching with a confused look on his face. His heart began to pound. Mineta was the last person he wanted to have to explain himself to. Luckily, Mina stepped in.
“You’ve never seen a makeover before?” She asked, hands on her hips, as if she was daring him to say anything weird.
“Well, sure, but, Kaminari’s a boy!”
Kaminari’s heart sank a bit at that. He wasn’t sure why the words hurt so much, maybe because he knew his friend wouldn’t accept him, maybe because he was scared that Mineta thought he was strange and would make fun of him, and maybe, maybe because Kaminari knew he wasn’t a boy. Not really. Either way, he almost missed Mina’s reply.
“It’s just clothes and makeup. Nothing says a boy can’t wear that.”
Mineta shot back with something, but before Kaminari could process what he had said, Aoyama had put earbuds in his ears and started playing loud music. The music was some folk singer singing in french along with some up beat music. Kaminari tilted his head to the side, and opened his mouth to ask Aoyama why he did that, but Aoyama simply shook his head.
Just beyond the music, Kaminari heard Mina and Mineta arguing, and from how angry Mina sounded, he was glad he couldn’t hear the words.
So he closed his eyes again, and listened to the french music, feeling the soft makeup brushes on his face, and Aoyama’s hands once in a while, adjusting the angle of his face so he could work better. The first song ended and the next one began, and Kaminari wondered absent-mindedly how long this would take.
3 songs later, Aoyama pulled the earbuds out of his ears and Kaminari opened his eyes.
“Voila,” Aoyama said, with a flourish.
“You’re done?” Hagakure asked, “Excellent! Kaminari! Come choose an outfit!”
Laid out in front of him were 3 outfits. One was the purple skirt he had seen Momo make earlier, combined with a tan sweater, a white collared shirt and black tights. The second was hopelessly cute, a pastel pink pleated skirt and a flowy cream shirt that Kaminari couldn’t make sense of. The third was a lot of black and yellow, much like his hero costume. He hesitated, they all seemed nice, but he wasn’t sure he would like all of them. The pink one seemed a bit too girly, but he wanted to try on the shirt. He gravitated towards the black and yellow one, but that seemed too safe.
“You know,” Mina said, breaking the tense silence, “You could try them all on.”
He glanced back at the girls, who all seemed to be holding their breath.
“Ok, let’s try them all on,”
The girls cheered, and Hagakure grabbed the first one, and pushed it towards Kaminari. He grabbed it and the group went down towards his room. They pushed him into his room, and then closed the door, leaving Kaminari alone.
For the first time all day, it felt quiet. He could still hear the excited chatter from the girls, but the closed door muffled most of it. He looked down at the clothes in his hands.
‘Was this a mistake?’ he wondered. Before he could change his mind he began to change.
The collared shirt felt no different from what he wore to school everyday, so he put that on first. Then, he put on the black leggings. He was surprised at how nice they made his legs feel. He spent a few seconds just running his hands over the thick fabric of the tights, before moving on. He put on the sweater next, saving the skirt for last. The sweater was soft, and very warm, and having the weight settle on his shoulders calmed him down a bit. Then he pulled the purple skirt over the tights.
He walked over to the mirror and took a look at what the group outside had done.
His hair was the first thing he noticed. It was untouched, done exactly the way he had done it himself that morning. He realized he really liked his hair. The extra length that swept to the sides felt nice when he ran his hands through it, and it looked nice in the mirror. Then he noticed the makeup.
It was subtle, like he had asked Aoyama for, but it made him look softer, almost. His cheeks were pinker, and they sparkled. The sparkles were subtle too, but they were definitely there. He noticed the sparkles were brighter along his nose and cheekbones, and he had to stop and shift his head from side to side, watching the colors shimmer on his face. His eyelids were darker too, Aoyama must have put some eyeshadow on, and his eyes were framed by black eyeliner that came up into a wing at the corners of his eyes.
It was his face, but it was a little bit prettier than it normally was. A little bit fancier.
Then he glanced down at the clothes he was wearing. The skirt was his favourite part of the outfit. The fabric waved with each movement he made, and that only made him want to move more. The rest of the outfit felt like something he would wear on a day to day basis, just, a little more thought out.
He would have spent the whole day looking at himself in the mirror, if it wasn’t for the knock on the door and Mina’s voice coming from the other side.
“Hurry up! We want to see you.”
With a deep breath he pushed the door open and faced the group outside.
“Well,” He said once he got outside. “I think I look pretty awesome”
The others started clamoring about how good he looked. Momo said something about how well it fit, Aoyama complemented his own work on the makeup, Mina excitedly babbled about how well the outfit worked on him. All of the chatter began to blend into a cacophony of noise, but Kaminari didn’t mind. He turned to go try on the other outfit, but Uraraka yelled something at him.
“What?”
“Do a spin!”
Immediately all the girls started asking him to spin, so he did a spin.
The fabric of the skirt flared out and Kaminari’s face lit up. Soon he was spinning nonstop, watching the skirt twirl and fly out around him.
The girls cheered as he spun, and he was smiling so hard his face began to hurt.
Before long, he was being pushed back into his room with a new outfit, this time the pink one.
He quickly changed, but he didn’t like this outfit as much (the skirt didn’t spin nearly enough). It was too pink and too girly. But he stepped out into the hallway, and decided to strike a pose. The girls cheered, and oohed and aahed over the outfit.
The last one felt a lot more like his style. It was badass, and the crop top they had layered on top had a bright lightning bolt design on it. The skirt was a yellow and black pleated plaid skirt with chains hanging from the waistband. The girls had given him fishnet tights to wear underneath, and they added to the badass feeling of it.
When he stepped out into the hallway, he saw Jirou’s face break out into a smile.
“I knew you’d like my old stuff,” She said. “It suits you”
Kaminari beamed at her, not thinking of the right words to say, and not really caring.
When the buzz had died down, and Kaminari had changed back into his regular clothes, he realized he was exhausted. The excitement of the day had really worn him out, but there was one thing he needed to do.
So he found himself knocking on Aoyama’s door. The other boy opened the door, looking confused at seeing Kaminari there.
“Hey man, I uh, wanted to thank you, for the makeover.”
“Pas de problème," Aoyama responded. “But that’s not why you’re here, is it?”
Kaminari sighed. “You stopped me from hearing what Mineta and Mina were saying.”
Aoyama opened the door wider, and motioned for Kaminari to enter. He did, and Aoyama closed the door behind him.
“I’m used to people looking down on me.” Aoyama said softly. “I am a very effeminate man, and there are some who don’t like that. Especially Mineta.” Kaminari looked down at the ground. He considered Mineta his friend, but he was starting to think that maybe he wasn’t the best friend to have.
“I’m used to it though,” Aoyama continued “Me and Mineta have had that conversation before. But I thought that you didn’t need to hear it. Especially if…” Aoyama trailed off.
The two of them sat in silence for a few moments.
“I’ve been doing this, wearing makeup and sparkling, for a long time” Aoyama continued. “If this was your first time experiencing that, I wanted it to be a good experience.”
“I’m nonbinary” Kaminari blurted out. Aoyama’s eyes widened a little bit, and he looked away.
‘Why did I say that?’ Kaminari wondered, and buried his face in his hands. He hadn’t planned on telling anyone except Kirishima, but it just felt like Aoyama would get it. But maybe he misjudged.
“Merci,” Aoyama said, “For telling me.”
Kaminari looked up, and Aoyama was smiling, and it seemed much more genuine than the smile he had most of the time.
“I thought I might be nonbinary,” Aoyama said. “But I’m not sure yet.”
“I only found out recently,” Kaminari admitted. “Since Kirishima came out.”
Aoyama nodded. The two of them sat in silence again. Kaminari realized he didn’t know Aoyama very well. He spent most of his time with either Kirishima, Sero and Mina, or with Mineta. He liked being with Mineta in the past, but he was scared now, especially since he had seen him getting the makeover. Would Mineta even want to be friends with him after this? Would he make fun of him?
By the time he reached his room, he had no clear answers. All of this was still so new to him. But as he got ready for bed, he still remembered the happiness he felt as he was spinning.